NationStates Jolt Archive

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
7. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
10. You Were an Accident
11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li'l Timmy?
14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Enjoy! :D

Seen them before but still, very funny :)

I like 5, 7, 10, 15

I don't know about #3. There's one out called 'heather has two mommies'

No. 3, 9 and 11 are the best. I have a sick sense of humour, I know. :p

I say 10 and 15 are my favs.

cow governments better

german: You have two cows that you genetically engineer to have blond hair, run 100 mph and produce the best quality milk but require 13 weeks vacation

Italian: You have two cows. You loose both of them and while you look for them you meet a beautiful girl. You break for lunch. Life is good.

Japan: You have two cows and but you make them a tenth the size but produce 20x milk.

French: You have two cows. You strike because you want three. You break for lunch. Life is good.

then there are more like socialism

You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel sorry for him. The government takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbor. You form a corporation with your neighbor.

there's a lot more but im to lazy to post them

cow governments better

german: You have two cows that you genetically engineer to have blond hair, run 100 mph and produce the best quality milk but require 13 weeks vacation

Italian: You have two cows. You loose both of them and while you look for them you meet a beautiful girl. You break for lunch. Life is good.

Japan: You have two cows and but you make them a tenth the size but produce 20x milk.

French: You have two cows. You strike because you want three. You break for lunch. Life is good.

then there are more like socialism

You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel sorry for him. The government takes one of your cows and gives it to your neighbor. You form a corporation with your neighbor.

there's a lot more but im to lazy to post them

Haha.... cow.

search for cow government for more

16: The Dummy's Guide To Internet Scams

How about

"Mummy's too busy making money so she bought a book to do your counselling" ?

"Napoleans Giude to Tall People" :rolleyes:

"Fat People:The Tastfull Nude Photo Book" :p

17. 'Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten.'

18. 'The Ethopian's guide to World domination.'

19. "Your Daddy's NOT Your Daddy Anymore: A Kid's Guide to Divorce."

Gigle That Is Funny6

I don't know about #3. There's one out called 'heather has two mommies'
Yeah, #3 is disqualified fr being too close to a real book.
:(

15. is a shirt on the ever popular T- shirt Hell website. i even bought it for my nephew.

How about this one- "people on the internet are usually not who they seem?"
hahahahah- that comes from my neighbor, who recently informed me of her chat boyfriend. who, as it turned out, was actually a girl.
another title- "Anal Sex does hurt, Ladies. You just aren't made like a porn star". Sorry Myrth!! Sorry!!!! :fluffle:

"15 books you'll never see on the shelves..."

16. "Honesty, And How To Get It" - John Kerry

17. "How I Supported The War In Iraq" - Nancy Pelosi

18. "Telling The Truth Through Documentaries" - Michael Moore

19. "You Can Find Me When You Want Me" - Osama bin Laden

20. "How I Lost Weight On The Adkins Diet" - Ted Kennedy

"The rampant flaws of Islam" - Abu Hamza
"Three thousand recipes involving cows" (in India)
"Pork: God's chosen meat" - Osama bin Laden
"Satanism for pensioners"

"The rampant flaws of Islam" - Abu Hamza
"Three thousand recipes involving cows" (in India)
"Pork: God's chosen meat" - Osama bin Laden
"Satanism for pensioners"

haahahhah i almost choked on my food!!

"Lil Hitlers book of health"
"Human flesh and how to cook it"
"Lets play divorce laywers"
"illegal nuclear material and where to get it"
"99 ways to bring down the US"
"Mommy hates you, now she must die"

This thread makes me think of this picture...make sure you read it, lol.

http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/09-10-04-boardgames/Comeau.jpg

this is a funny thread.
since someone mentioned hitler-
"dr. menegeles' guide to labratory research"

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
7. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
10. You Were an Accident
11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li'l Timmy?
14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Enjoy! :D


Inhigh school there was a biology teacher that would read us a book parodied on a Dr. Suess. The book: Green Eggs and Sperm. I only ever heard exerts (never had the teach) It was truly disturbing. *shudders*

21. What Really Happened to Your Pet Dog Spot Who "Ran Away"

"Why Daddy hits Mommy"
"What Happens when you Feed the Goldfish too much"
"You can dress like Paris and Britney, too!"
"Barbie gets knocked up....and Ken was out of town!"

"The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy" - Tim Burton

Why do you never see this book on the shelves, i just dont know. But if you ever do, buy it, buy it now !!!

11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
yay!

"Uncle Bobby needs Money Again"
"Daddy's Friends Want to be Your Special Friends"


(i love this)

17. 'Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten.'
Thanks God. I hate cats.













:D

yay!

Agreed. One of my friends wrote a monlogue of that book. The hampster's name was Renaldo FredGeorgina III.

Ten Ways to self control By Bill Clinton
My First Vasectomy
Things To Do When Mommy and Daddy are Asleep
Horton Hears A Ho
Why Black People smell funny By Trent Lott

This thread makes me think of this picture...make sure you read it, lol.

http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/09-10-04-boardgames/Comeau.jpg
*shudders*

"15 books you'll never see on the shelves..."

16. "Honesty, And How To Get It" - John Kerry

17. "How I Supported The War In Iraq" - Nancy Pelosi

18. "Telling The Truth Through Documentaries" - Michael Moore

19. "You Can Find Me When You Want Me" - Osama bin Laden

20. "How I Lost Weight On The Adkins Diet" - Ted Kennedy
"Making an unbiased statement" - Eutrusca
"Why republicans arnt gods among men" - Eutrusca
"how to not defame the democrats" - Eutruscna

grow the fuck up, one would think you wouldve done it by now

"Making an unbiased statement" - Eutrusca
"Why republicans arnt gods among men" - Eutrusca
"how to not defame the democrats" - Eutruscna

grow the fuck up, one would think you wouldve done it by now
Please refrain from flaming, as it is against forum rules.
Thank you.

How to Survive a Tiger Attack.


By Claude Balls. :D

"Have Good Republican Sex in 30 Days: Be the Fucking Elephant!"

or

"Economics for Democrats: The Idiot's Guide to Money"

Mary Jane - The Magical Friendly Herb

Your Cat and Satan - What Happens When Fluffy Dies

Timmy and the Mosh Pit

Santa's Crash Into The Trade Towers

How Your Pet Hampster Makes A Great Football

Please refrain from flaming, as it is against forum rules.
Thank you.
damn , when the anarchists turn into modabees, we know the end times are near.

damn i, when the anarchists turn into modabees, we know the end times are near.
:D
A Prophet of the End of Days!
Heed his words!

the anarchist rulebook
jewish neonazis and the preoperative transsexuals who love them
fissionable material production for dummies

"Making an unbiased statement" - Eutrusca
"Why republicans arnt gods among men" - Eutrusca
"how to not defame the democrats" - Eutruscna

grow the fuck up, one would think you wouldve done it by now

ROFLMAO! Awww! Taking ourselves a bit too seriously, are we? Tsk! :D

chicken soup for the vegan atheist's soul

the anarchist rulebook:P

Dunno if it's a bookworthy title, but it'd be the most horrible -movie- ever:

Tickle-Me-Elmo's Fire

1001 Popular Rallying Cries

Buttering Up Your Superiors and Other Winning Strategies

How to Avoid Going into Battle Without Looking Like a Coward

How to Blame Others For Your Mistakes

How to Get Medals That Should Have Gone to Dead Guys

How to Get Promotions that Others Deserve

How to Give Speeches Without Really Saying Anything

How to Lead When You Don't Know What You're Doing

How to Lead Without Getting Shot

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
7. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
10. You Were an Accident
11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li'l Timmy?
14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Enjoy! :D
thats not entirely true ive seen books like that.
But Books that should be put back on the shelves.
Little Black Sambo - being read that at night made me the person i am today. :p

1001 Popular Rallying Cries

Buttering Up Your Superiors and Other Winning Strategies

How to Avoid Going into Battle Without Looking Like a Coward

How to Blame Others For Your Mistakes

How to Get Medals That Should Have Gone to Dead Guys

How to Get Promotions that Others Deserve

How to Give Speeches Without Really Saying Anything

How to Lead When You Don't Know What You're Doing

How to Lead Without Getting Shot
I've got a couple of real true stories that are similar to some of these if you behave yourself i might read one. HE HE HE

Woo hoo! A sucessful thread!

"We're corrupt, evil assholes" - A joined effort, with Bush and Kerry.

"Why we pay the government to do our bidding" - By the oil companies of america.

"Us slackjawed yokels run the country... YEEE HARR!" - By Cletus.

"Worst-Book-EVER!" - By the Comic Book Guy.

I don't know about #3. There's one out called 'heather has two mommies'
Yeah i knew it your oh so Smart.

"Brainwashing for Dummies" - By North Korean authorities.

1001 Popular Rallying Cries

Buttering Up Your Superiors and Other Winning Strategies

How to Avoid Going into Battle Without Looking Like a Coward

How to Blame Others For Your Mistakes

How to Get Medals That Should Have Gone to Dead Guys

How to Get Promotions that Others Deserve

How to Give Speeches Without Really Saying Anything

How to Lead When You Don't Know What You're Doing

How to Lead Without Getting Shot


Speaking of speeches:

http://bushspeaks.com/speaks.asp

Enjoy :)

Not sure if anyone posted this but.......

"Little Golden Books" That NEVER Made It


* You Are Different And That's Bad
* Dad's New Wife Robert
* Curious George And The High-Voltage Fence
* The Pop-Up Book Of Human Anatomy
* Strangers Have The Best Candy
* Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
* POP! Goes The Hamster ... And Other Great Microwave Games
* The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan
* Your Nightmares Are Real

Not sure if anyone posted this but.......

"Little Golden Books" That NEVER Made It


* You Are Different And That's Bad
* Dad's New Wife Robert
* Curious George And The High-Voltage Fence
* The Pop-Up Book Of Human Anatomy
* Strangers Have The Best Candy
* Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
* POP! Goes The Hamster ... And Other Great Microwave Games
* The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan
* Your Nightmares Are Real

you've just gone and posted my top 10... AGAIN. I have 15.

Then, of course, there are the French books...

How To Serve Potted Meat Product To Foreigners For Fun And Profit

How To Speak German

How To Lose A Battle And Still Look Great Dying

Surrendering For Dummies

Daddy Stop, It Hurts

Daddy Stop, It Hurts

Now that would be a sick book.

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
7. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
10. You Were an Accident
11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li'l Timmy?
14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Enjoy! :D

3,5,7,9,10,11,12...brilliant! :D

Actually...about number 11....when I was little, my cousin put his cat in the microwave....not a pretty sight, I'm sure.

3,5,7,9,10,11,12...brilliant! :D

Actually...about number 11....when I was little, my cousin put his cat in the microwave....not a pretty sight, I'm sure.

Charming...

"15 books you'll never see on the shelves..."

16. "Honesty, And How To Get It" - John Kerry

17. "How I Supported The War In Iraq" - Nancy Pelosi

18. "Telling The Truth Through Documentaries" - Michael Moore

19. "You Can Find Me When You Want Me" - Osama bin Laden

20. "How I Lost Weight On The Adkins Diet" - Ted Kennedy

Because turn-about is fair play :p

X. Proper Dictation And Public Speaking - George Bush
X+1. Controlling your Megalomania - Dick Cheney
X+2. The Benefits of Corporate Controls - Halliburton
X+3. Biting Your Tongue, Keeping To Yourself and Other Tips For Dealing With Others - "The Neocon".
X+4. Tolerance Is Its Own Reward - Jerry Falwell And Friends

;)

"How to Kill Unarmed Boys In Other People's Countries and Get Medals" by John Kerry

"How to Fly Around In Circles And Get Credit" by George Bush

"How to Waste Your Parents' Money By Flunking Out of Divinity School and Law School" by Al Gore

"How to Make People Think You're Cerebral When You're Really An Idiot" by Adlai Stevenson (who flunked out of law school - a secret that was kept during the election by the press).

"Idiot Reprise: How to Make People Think You're Cerebral When You're Really An Idiot" by Al Gore

"Best Pickup Lines" by Bill Clinton

"How To Hate Men And Still Take Advantage Of Their Careers" by Hillary Clinton

"How to Kill Your Lawyer, Clean Out His Office, And Get Away With It" by Hillary Clinton

"Bombing Countries Without Permission" by Bill Clinton

"Invading Countries Without Permission", by George Bush

"Cave Dwelling For Dummies" by Osama Bin Laden

20. "How I Lost Weight On The Adkins Diet" - Ted Kennedy
With new revised appendix - "How I Lost Weight on The Atkins Diet" - Dr. Atkins.

So sue me Ms. Atkins :p

Now that would be a sick book.
You should see the illustrated version.

You should see the illustrated version.

*vomits*

"Best Pickup Lines" by Bill Clinton


...but Clinton actually scored, a lot. That book would rule!

Every christ is a good christ - written and illustrated by Jack Chick

Children's books could be something like this:

Li'l Timmy Gets Spanked For Telling the Truth
How Li'l Timmy Discovered Bullying is Fun!
Uncle Bob Shows Little Kathy What the Front-butt is for
Growing Up in the Magical Land of Television
Li'l Kathy Discovers the Medicine Cabinet

"Curious George and the 1000 volt electric fence." :D

"How to got AIDS in a day" - Pope John Paul II
"Holy shit, Republicans are fucking cocksuckers, so grow the fuck up you democrat haters" - anonymous..
"Good Titles" - New genoa
"Poo, pee, and vomit: the Hitchiker's Guide to Raunchy Sex" - Bon Jovi

"It Was That Last Fucking Dick" by Rock Hudson

"Honesty" - Bill Clinton

"What mommy and daddy are doing when you're asleep"
"How to please a president" by Bill Clinton
"I am stu-pit" by G.W. Bush
"Spank me, I am a naughty boy" by J. Edgar Hoover

Daddy Stop, It Hurts
You should see the illustrated version.
*vomits*

You SHOULD see the pop-up version????

Poor hamsters get a bad deal. I have a hamster named Henry, no one better not try to punt or pop him!

"How to fit a Big Mac up your ass" - Rosie O'Donnell
"Why Does Daddy Have a Lump on his Wee-wee?"
"The Way of the Sphincter: In, out, and back in again"

"Curious George and the 1000 volt electric fence." :D

Wait, it has been written , even though only for the Internet: http://triggur.org/storytime/george/