NationStates Jolt Archive

Subject: The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO).

1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes.
Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety.
Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

15. Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

16. Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.

17. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.

20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other
living thing within two miles of target.

22. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

XD


(except for 24)

hahahahah, that is great I gotta send that to my brother

XD

(except for 24)

Huh? :confused:

I'm not even military, but thats pretty hilarious none the less. :p

I'm wondering where Eutrusca himself fit into the list... and I'm definately going to send this to my pal at the military college.

Eutrusca you never cease to amaze me, Just out of curiosity, what branch did you serve in? Just wondering cause My dad was in Vietnam around the same time, and I love hearing stories of vetrans of that era

Oh, that's gold.
*wipes tears of laughter from eyes*
I'm e-mailing a copy to my sergeant as i'm typing this :p

I'm wondering where Eutrusca himself fit into the list... and I'm definately going to send this to my pal at the military college.

#7

Eutrusca you never cease to amaze me, Just out of curiosity, what branch did you serve in? Just wondering cause My dad was in Vietnam around the same time, and I love hearing stories of vetrans of that era

I appreciate the flowers, but have NO idea why I would "amaze" you! :)

I was an Airborne Infantry officer with extensive Counterinsurgency Ops. training and experience. They kept me in special operations units a lot, mostly as a mascot. :D

I appreciate the flowers, but have NO idea why I would "amaze" you! :)

I was an Airborne Infantry officer with extensive Counterinsurgency Ops. training and experience. They kept me in special operations units a lot, mostly as a mascot. :D
because you are so utterly awesome, thats why

My dad was a Marine, he was a gunner on a helicopter.
My uncle was a marine as well, and he was in the 1st as a sniper.
And strangly enough I'm alot more like my uncle than my dad, such as not being a bad shotwith a rifle, looks, and the way we act, and I've only met him twice.

Thats great. Keep up the good work, man. :)

#7
Remind me not to screw with you. ;)

because you are so utterly awesome, thats why

My dad was a Marine, he was a gunner on a helicopter.
My uncle was a marine as well, and he was in the 1st as a sniper.
And strangly enough I'm alot more like my uncle than my dad, such as not being a bad shotwith a rifle, looks, and the way we act, and I've only met him twice.

I'm "so utterly awesome," eh? Well, if I'm so awesome, why ain't I rich? Huh? Huh? Huh? ;)

I don't personally have anything against Marines. Why, some of my best friends are Marines! Heh! :D

I'm "so utterly awesome," eh? Well, if I'm so awesome, why ain't I rich? Huh? Huh? Huh? ;)

I don't personally have anything against Marines. Why, some of my best friends are Marines! Heh! :D
yes, the Marine corp is my second choice for my future, First I wanna go to college and become a Veterinarian, If I fail out, I will Join, but if I graduate I might join anyway.

Remind me not to screw with you. ;)

ROFLMAO!! I'm not nearly as "badass" as some might think, nor as "badass" as *I* use to believe! :D

We use to have some really strange mottos:

"Mess with the best ... die like the rest."

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for lo I am the meanest mother-f***er in the whole damned valley!"

"There's no point in running. You'll only die tired."

LOL! Sigh.

"Yea, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for lo I am the meanest mother-f***er in the whole damned valley!"
I have a lighter that says that

I have a lighter that says that

When I left my Counterinsurgency Ops. team in Vietnam to take command of a company with the 173rd Airborne Brigade, they gave me a lighter with:

"For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know."

I still have it around here somewhere. :)

When I left my Counterinsurgency Ops. team in Vietnam to take command of a company with the 173rd Airborne Brigade, they gave me a lighter with:

"For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know."

I still have it around here somewhere. :)
cool, I got mine at a garage sale, or rather my dad did, and gave it to me many years later

cool, I got mine at a garage sale, or rather my dad did, and gave it to me many years later

Always keep things your dad gives ya. :)

**cuts**

**sends to all his military friends**

Yoink! Thanks Eutrusca, thats some good, funny sh*t.

A soldiers life is hard work, but when its all said and done, they usually end up up the happiest. At least, thats what I can see from all my army buddies.

ROFLMAO!! I'm not nearly as "badass" as some might think, nor as "badass" as *I* use to believe! :D

We use to have some really strange mottos:

"Mess with the best ... die like the rest."

"Yea, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for lo I am the meanest mother-f***er in the whole damned valley!"

"There's no point in running. You'll only die tired."

LOL! Sigh.
I didn't really think you were going to reach through the modem and kill me, but one can never be too cautious ;) . Glad to get a laugh though.

A soldiers life is hard work, but when its all said and done, they usually end up up the happiest. At least, thats what I can see from all my army buddies.

I've noticed something very similar. Perhaps it's because they know they have made a contribution to something bigger than themselves. Another reason why they're generally happy regardless of the circumstances, is because when you've been through combat, almost all other difficulties pale in comparison.

I didn't really think you were going to reach through the modem and kill me, but one can never be too cautious ;) . Glad to get a laugh though.

:D

Always keep things your dad gives ya. :)
thanks for the advice

my brother is trying to be a navy seal and my best friend is getting involved with special forces in .. the army, Yeah it was the army he joined.

my brother is trying to be a navy seal and my best friend is getting involved with special forces in .. the army, Yeah it was the army he joined.

Yeah, there's considerable confusion among civilians about that sort of thing, particularly about the term "Special Forces." The friggin' media uses "Special Forces" to describe everything from Delta Force to the Seals. The term actually refers to what most people think of as "Green Berets," but since a Green Beret is a kind of hat, they kinda prefer to be called "Special Forces." The more generic term for Special Forces, Seals, Rangers, Delta Force, etc., is "Special Operations Forces."

Just thought some here might like to know. :)

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.


:D

I like em. Funny.

25. NS military, (as a whole): Spams snake endlessly and endorses snakes brotherss, best freinds, cousin. Procceds to have a poll on the snake, and diecide it is a liberal, bush-loving, black, nazi, homosexual jew who should be banned.
(okay so i'm not that funny)

I know nothing about the military (Well almost nothing) and even I thought that was funny! Except I didn't understand 24.

Eutrusca - Brilliant:)

I have mailed this to my brother and his wife...who are both serving.

My brother is in Afghanistan..fighting the 'Forgotten War'

http://www.tfphoenixiii.org/CG.HTM

He's in the ETT - reactivated ex special forces ... like you

Very funny. But I thought it said SKANK attack. :p

Explains why no one understands the US army! :p

I found it moderately amusing. I have a mild interest in the military, although more about WW2 era stuff. I saw a programme about the french foreign legion the other day which I found incredibly interesting.

I know nothing about the military (Well almost nothing) and even I thought that was funny! Except I didn't understand 24.
JAG is essentially a lawyer I think.

More militay humor:

The Army and the Chicken

Issue: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

TRADOC: The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.

Special Forces Command: The chicken crossed at a 90-degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVGs, preferably near a road bend in a valley.

Army Personnel Command: Due to the needs of the Army, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.

Defense Intelligence Agency: Despite what you see on CNN, I can neither confirm nor deny any fowl performing acts of transit. Questions? Please see the SSO.

Army Foreign Technology Center: This event will need confirmation; we need to repeat it using varied chicken breeds, road types, and weather conditions to confirm whether it can actually happen within the parameters specified for chickens and the remote possibility that they might cross thruways designated by some as 'roads.'

Fort Rucker: The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

FORSCOM: The purpose is not important. What is important is that the chicken remained under the OPCON of USCINCTRANS and did not CHOP to the theater on the other side of the road. Without CHOPping, the chicken was able to achieve a seamless road-crossing with near perfect, real-time in-transit visibility.

Theater Air Control Center: We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.

COMMAND POST: What chicken?

TOWER: The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road-incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.

ARMY Materiel Command: Recent changes in technology, coupled with today's multipolar strategic environment, have created new challenges in the chicken's ability to cross the road. The chicken was also faced with significant challenges to create and develop core competencies required for this new environment. AMC's Chicken Systems Program Office (CSPO), in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) CSPO helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. The CSPO convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and retired chickens along with MITRE consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge and capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, mission-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified Mission Need Statement and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. The Chicken Systems Program Office helped the chicken change to continue meeting its mission.


How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:
The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.
The MARINE CORPS would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.
The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.


The Five Most Dangerous Things in the Army
1. A Private saying, "I learned this in Basic..."
2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based upon my experience..."
4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
5. A Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this $#!+..."




JAG is essentially a lawyer I think.

More or less, exactly so. The Judge Advocate General is the senior legal officer of a branch of the US military. The Judge Advocate General Corps is the military's legal team.


And something special for just for Eutrusca:

Everything I Ever Needed To Know About Life, I Learned As a Helicopter Crewman In Vietnam

by Bobby McBride
Crew Chief
128th Assault Helicopter Company
Phu Loi, RVN 3/69 - 3/70

NEVER FORGET!

1. Once you are in the fight, it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.

2. Helicopters are cool!

3. It is a fact that helicopter tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc. While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's just what they do.

4. NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition than the other guy.

5. The engine RPM, and the rotor RPM, must BOTH be kept in the GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can affect the morale of the crew.

6. A billfold in your hip pocket can numb your leg and be a real pain in the ass.

7. Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover you.

8. Letters from home are not always great.

9. The madness of war can extract a heavy toll. Please have exact change.

10. Share everything. Even the Pound Cake.

11. Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.

12. The terms "Protective Armor" and "Helicopter" are mutually exclusive.

13. The further away you are from your friends, the less likely it is that they can help you when you really need them the most.

14. Sometimes, being good and lucky still was not enough. There is always payback.

15. "Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant.

16. If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be surprised.

17. The BSR (Bang Stare Read) Theory states that the louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges.

18. The longer you stare at the gauges, the less time it takes them to move from green to red.

19. It does too get cold in Vietnam.

20. No matter what you do, the bullet with your name on it will get you. So too can the ones addressed "To Whom It May Concern".

21. Gravity: It may not be fair, but it is the law.

22. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.

23. If you are wearing body armor, the incoming will probably miss that part.

24. It hurts less to die with a uniform on than to die in a hospital bed.

25. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

26. If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

27. Eat when you can. Sleep when you can. Vist the head when you can. The next opportunity may not come around for a long time. If ever.

28. Combat pay is a flawed concept.

29. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.

30. Air superiority is NOT a luxury.

31. If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

32. It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time.

32a. Nothing is as useless as altitude above you and runway behind you.

33. While the rest of the crew may be in the same predicament, it's almost always the pilot's job to arrive at the crash site first.

34. When you shoot your gun, clean it the first chance you get.

35. Loud sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention.

36. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations, which, in turn is better than cold C-rations, which is better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls (given to you by guards) even if they do have the little pieces of fish in them.

37. WHAT is often more important than WHY.

38. Boxes of cookies from home must be shared.

39. Girlfriends are fair game. Wives are not.

40. Everybody's a hero on the ground in the club after the fourth drink.

41. There is no such thing as a small firefight.

42. A free-fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

43. The farther you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become.

44. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

44a. The only medal you really want to be awarded is the Longevity Medal.

45. Being shot hurts.

46. Thousands of Vietnam Veterans earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded.

48. Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas. Any combination of these can be deadly.

49. Nomex is NOT fire proof.

50. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the Rules.

51. Living and dying can both hurt a lot.

53. While a Super Bomb could be considered one of the four essential building blocks of life, powdered eggs cannot.

54. C-4 can make a dull day fun.

55. Cocoa Powder is neither.

56. There is no such thing as a fair fight, only ones where you win or lose.

57. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care.

58. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing NOW to solve our problem.

59. If you have extra, share it quickly.

60. Always make sure someone has a P-38.

61. A sucking chest wound may be God's way of telling you it's time to go home.

62. Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

63. Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if this is technically a form of flying.

64. If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.

65. Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR.

66. A grunt is the true reason for the existence of the helicopter. Every helicopter flying in Vietnam had one real purpose: To help the grunt. It is unfortunate that many helicopters never had the opportunity to fulfill their one true mission in life simply because someone forgot this fact.

67. "You have the right to remain silent" is always EXCELLENT advice.

"Like the book says, we may be through with the past but the past is not through with us" - from Magnolia the movie

bump for Eutrusca

Eutrusca look at post #32

yes, the Marine corp is my second choice for my future, First I wanna go to college and become a Veterinarian, If I fail out, I will Join, but if I graduate I might join anyway.

Kewl! The military always needs veterinarians. :)

I like em. Funny.

25. NS military, (as a whole): Spams snake endlessly and endorses snakes brotherss, best freinds, cousin. Procceds to have a poll on the snake, and diecide it is a liberal, bush-loving, black, nazi, homosexual jew who should be banned.
(okay so i'm not that funny)

LOL! Well, *I* liked it! :D

I know nothing about the military (Well almost nothing) and even I thought that was funny! Except I didn't understand 24.

Just substitute "military lawyers" for "Judge Advocate General." That should enlighten you. :D

Eutrusca - Brilliant:)

I have mailed this to my brother and his wife...who are both serving.

My brother is in Afghanistan..fighting the 'Forgotten War'

http://www.tfphoenixiii.org/CG.HTM

He's in the ETT - reactivated ex special forces ... like you

Kewl! And they're far from forgotten. Next time you write your brother, tell him that I would give my eye-teeth to be with them! Sigh.

Kewl! And they're far from forgotten. Next time you write your brother, tell him that I would give my eye-teeth to be with them! Sigh.

Well luckily he rotates back state side in the couple of months.

One thing he says - the Kandar are made up of tough fighters....

But it is the forgotten War....this is the rightous war...and we see/hear nothing.

There is a guesbook if you want leave a note...I think all the NG and regular Army would appreciate a kind word from a vet....

More militay humor:

And something special for just for Eutrusca:

Everything I Ever Needed To Know About Life, I Learned As a Helicopter Crewman In Vietnam

"Like the book says, we may be through with the past but the past is not through with us" - from Magnolia the movie

Out-STANDING!

I was going to pick out one or two to single out as "favorites," but decided they were ALL true so I didn't. Thank you! :D

Well luckily he rotates back state side in the couple of months.

One thing he says - the Kandar are made up of tough fighters....

But it is the forgotten War....this is the rightous war...and we see/hear nothing.

There is a guestbook if you want leave a note...I think all the NG and regular Army would appreciate a kind word from a vet....

I couldn't find it! :(

I've heard the same thing about the Kandar. :)

The reason it's a "forgotten" war is that the *&%(*&@#%(* media always focus on Iraq! :mp5:

I'm glad he'll soon be coming back Stateside. That was always a great feeling, even when the war wasn't so much "forgotten" as just "unpopular." WTF is an "unpopular war?" :headbang:

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/default.asp

Try some of these out.

Seals vs. Green Beret

Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it.

When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.

The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"

I couldn't find it! :(

I've heard the same thing about the Kandar. :)

The reason it's a "forgotten" war is that the *&%(*&@#%(* media always focus on Iraq! :mp5:

I'm glad he'll soon be coming back Stateside. That was always a great feeling, even when the war wasn't so much "forgotten" as just "unpopular." WTF is an "unpopular war?" :headbang:

http://www.tfphoenixiii.org/Guestbook.htm

well I know that we do not see eye to eye on many things but yes the media does always focus on Iraq.

Unpopular war is...Iraq. It is an unpopular war. I know you won't agree with me and that fine.

Now I just hope that after the elections we (US and Brits (I'm the Brit...my bro is the Yank) and the others) get the hell out of there and let them sort themselves out.

http://www.tfphoenixiii.org/Guestbook.htm

well I know that we do not see eye to eye on many things but yes the media does always focus on Iraq.

Unpopular war is...Iraq. It is an unpopular war. I know you won't agree with me and that fine.

Now I just hope that after the elections we (US and Brits (I'm the Brit...my bro is the Yank) and the others) get the hell out of there and let them sort themselves out.

Ditto. See ... we DO agree on something! :D

I'll check that out later. Right now, I have to run over to my son's place to watch my grandson while he does a bit of work about the house. Later! :)

Returning a bit of levity, I can't belive no one's brought up the ever popular Skippy's List (http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html)!

Some choice bits:

27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

35. Not allowed to sing “High Speed Dirt” by Megadeth during airborne operations. (“See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker”)

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".

143. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my window.

144. “K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free” is not an authorized uniform.

Returning a bit of levity, I can't belive no one's brought up the ever popular Skippy's List (http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html)!

Some choice bits:

ROFLMAO! These are my favorites:

"58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

112. When saluting a “leg” officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".

Hehehe! :D