NationStates Jolt Archive

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."

Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said "Elrond is a Balrog." Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated." A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."

As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.

Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is codenamed "Moria."

Good one!! What's really sad, though, is I bet a lot of them on here have no idea who these characters are.

I also hear the Ents are being condemned for unwarranted use of force and prisoner abuse. After all, they drowned and squashed their enemies...not nice!

Good one!! What's really sad, though, is I bet a lot of them on here have no idea who these characters are.
Well, I wouldn't go that far.Maybe if the films hadn't come out.

Really nice. :)

Well, I wouldn't go that far.Maybe if the films hadn't come out.

Do you think really they're able to reconcile the names in the movies to the names in print?

LMAO
ROFL
LOL

All those, sooo damn funny.

Do you think really they're able to reconcile the names in the movies to the names in print?
Touche

The whole thing was blatant propaganda from the outset. Consider: a mythical weapon which only a handful of people even claim to have seen, coveted by a long-dead force of such dread power that, ah, half the world had never heard of him, and who even his accusers admit couldn't even summon the energy to conjure an entire body.

With twisted and malign cunning, then, this ring of unimaginable power proceeded to lay buried in the bed of a river for a few thousand years until it finally furthered its ambitions by electing to sit in a cave for a few hundred more, being pawed at by a swamp rat. It then entrusted its vast might to a Hobbit; one of a race of people whose desire for world dominion is subservient to a desire to get drunk and stoned, followed by a bit of a dance.

The chief proponent of this nonsense? Gandalf: a wizard so wise that he struggles with the opening of a simple door. (A door, incidentally, leading to the mines of Moria - home to the Goblins who valiantly assisted Moria's indigenous species in throwing off the chains of the Dwarven invaders, only to be cruelly murdered by Legolas the Butcher).

Gandalf: who mysteriously failed to notice this terrifying object of mass destruction despite its existing beneath his crooked nose for decades.

Gandalf: whose hobby is impressing a race of child-men with fireworks. We have a name for men like that where I come from, and it isn't 'Wizard'.

So, we've got Gandalf the Pederast, Legolas the Butcher and an assortment of boys who presumably comprise Gandalf's portable hareem. Who else? Oh, yes: Aragorn! The thug who slept rough underneath hedges for decades rather than rescue his people from the demented grip of Denethor. Aragorn, who seduced the daughter of his adopted father and then wandered casually away, caring nothing for the grief he left in his wake. Aragorn: coward, vagabond and work-shy layabout.

Add to this Boromir (a self-confessed thief, abuser and all-round sociopath) and Gimli (presumably dragged along as an emergency Hobbit substitute for Gandalf) and we have a party supremely equipped to rid the world of evil!

Oh, of course we don't. The whole thing is preposterous. A world-shattering event of such magnitude that the elves said, in effect, "Oh, who cares. We're going on holiday". A cataclysm so vast that Tom Bombadil, possibly the single most powerful being on the planet, stayed at home to do a bit of gardening.

And now? Now the Lout has his throne (oh, and note that he didn't have to get his hands dirty by disposing of Denethor himself), the Pederast has retired with a pronounced limp and a bucket of ice, and Mordor has been subjugated.

The ring? Oh, it was 'destroyed', naturally. If it ever existed. And whose word are you going to take for that - Gandalf's?

Would you mind if I translated this to Czech and posted it on a Czech speaking forum? Just to see the reactions.

P.S.: Here are few related quotes. Some of them kinda old. But I'm afraid men haven't changed so much in those two thousand years or so:

Let him who desires peace prepare for war.
--Vegetius

England has been offered a choice between war and shame. She has chosen shame and will get war.
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
-- Winston Churchill
(Last time the first casualty was Czechoslovakia, the first chunk of meat to feed the crocodile. This time it might very well be Izrael. The biggest obstacle to world peace in the minds of many Europeans. People never learn.)

Pacifists are like sheep who believe that wolves are
vegetarians.
-- Yves Montand

We must all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Though I have a message for Mr. Bush: The fate of the entire world is in your hands. I hope you washed them!

someone should probably get a statement from the united socialist hordes of the communist orks (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_nation/nation=the%20communist%20orks)

The whole thing was blatant propaganda from the outset. Consider: a mythical weapon which only a handful of people even claim to have seen, coveted by a long-dead force of such dread power that, ah, half the world had never heard of him, and who even his accusers admit couldn't even summon the energy to conjure an entire body.

With twisted and malign cunning, then, this ring of unimaginable power proceeded to lay buried in the bed of a river for a few thousand years until it finally furthered its ambitions by electing to sit in a cave for a few hundred more, being pawed at by a swamp rat. It then entrusted its vast might to a Hobbit; one of a race of people whose desire for world dominion is subservient to a desire to get drunk and stoned, followed by a bit of a dance.

The chief proponent of this nonsense? Gandalf: a wizard so wise that he struggles with the opening of a simple door. (A door, incidentally, leading to the mines of Moria - home to the Goblins who valiantly assisted Moria's indigenous species in throwing off the chains of the Dwarven invaders, only to be cruelly murdered by Legolas the Butcher).

Gandalf: who mysteriously failed to notice this terrifying object of mass destruction despite its existing beneath his crooked nose for decades.

Gandalf: whose hobby is impressing a race of child-men with fireworks. We have a name for men like that where I come from, and it isn't 'Wizard'.

So, we've got Gandalf the Pederast, Legolas the Butcher and an assortment of boys who presumably comprise Gandalf's portable hareem. Who else? Oh, yes: Aragorn! The thug who slept rough underneath hedges for decades rather than rescue his people from the demented grip of Denethor. Aragorn, who seduced the daughter of his adopted father and then wandered casually away, caring nothing for the grief he left in his wake. Aragorn: coward, vagabond and work-shy layabout.

Add to this Boromir (a self-confessed thief, abuser and all-round sociopath) and Gimli (presumably dragged along as an emergency Hobbit substitute for Gandalf) and we have a party supremely equipped to rid the world of evil!

Oh, of course we don't. The whole thing is preposterous. A world-shattering event of such magnitude that the elves said, in effect, "Oh, who cares. We're going on holiday". A cataclysm so vast that Tom Bombadil, possibly the single most powerful being on the planet, stayed at home to do a bit of gardening.

And now? Now the Lout has his throne (oh, and note that he didn't have to get his hands dirty by disposing of Denethor himself), the Pederast has retired with a pronounced limp and a bucket of ice, and Mordor has been subjugated.

The ring? Oh, it was 'destroyed', naturally. If it ever existed. And whose word are you going to take for that - Gandalf's?

That's funny!

someone should probably get a statement from the united socialist hordes of the communist orks (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_nation/nation=the%20communist%20orks)
Yay! Seize the Means of Destruction!

Yay! Seize the Means of Destruction!

i liked their old slogan. "no kings, no wizzards!"

anyone read "grunts" by mary gentle, its retells the whole epic fantasy thing from the prospective of the orcs, who always get the raw end of thewars between good and evil.

Pretty good analogy.

eh? What analogy? I thought this was News! :eek:

in other news, American soldiers have captured another taliban member.

http://www.webmutants.com/strategypage/talibankitty.jpg

It's a shame, to see good pussy going bad. :(

Well, if this is the theme, I might as well let the Michael Moore of Middle Earth out of the box as well.

http://www.fellowship911.com/

The whole thing was blatant propaganda from the outset. Consider: a mythical weapon which only a handful of people even claim to have seen, coveted by a long-dead force of such dread power that, ah, half the world had never heard of him, and who even his accusers admit couldn't even summon the energy to conjure an entire body.

With twisted and malign cunning, then, this ring of unimaginable power proceeded to lay buried in the bed of a river for a few thousand years until it finally furthered its ambitions by electing to sit in a cave for a few hundred more, being pawed at by a swamp rat. It then entrusted its vast might to a Hobbit; one of a race of people whose desire for world dominion is subservient to a desire to get drunk and stoned, followed by a bit of a dance.

The chief proponent of this nonsense? Gandalf: a wizard so wise that he struggles with the opening of a simple door. (A door, incidentally, leading to the mines of Moria - home to the Goblins who valiantly assisted Moria's indigenous species in throwing off the chains of the Dwarven invaders, only to be cruelly murdered by Legolas the Butcher).

Gandalf: who mysteriously failed to notice this terrifying object of mass destruction despite its existing beneath his crooked nose for decades.

Gandalf: whose hobby is impressing a race of child-men with fireworks. We have a name for men like that where I come from, and it isn't 'Wizard'.

So, we've got Gandalf the Pederast, Legolas the Butcher and an assortment of boys who presumably comprise Gandalf's portable hareem. Who else? Oh, yes: Aragorn! The thug who slept rough underneath hedges for decades rather than rescue his people from the demented grip of Denethor. Aragorn, who seduced the daughter of his adopted father and then wandered casually away, caring nothing for the grief he left in his wake. Aragorn: coward, vagabond and work-shy layabout.

Add to this Boromir (a self-confessed thief, abuser and all-round sociopath) and Gimli (presumably dragged along as an emergency Hobbit substitute for Gandalf) and we have a party supremely equipped to rid the world of evil!

Oh, of course we don't. The whole thing is preposterous. A world-shattering event of such magnitude that the elves said, in effect, "Oh, who cares. We're going on holiday". A cataclysm so vast that Tom Bombadil, possibly the single most powerful being on the planet, stayed at home to do a bit of gardening.

And now? Now the Lout has his throne (oh, and note that he didn't have to get his hands dirty by disposing of Denethor himself), the Pederast has retired with a pronounced limp and a bucket of ice, and Mordor has been subjugated.

The ring? Oh, it was 'destroyed', naturally. If it ever existed. And whose word are you going to take for that - Gandalf's?
so gandolf was sorta aragon's carl rove. took the crazy hick from the sticks and made him king with alot of coaching and political manipulations and the strength of his family's political history.

anyone read "grunts" by mary gentle, its retells the whole epic fantasy thing from the prospective of the orcs, who always get the raw end of thewars between good and evil.
True, but at the end of the book, they're still evil.

For the ultimate in analysis of Lord of the Rings, you've got to read Chomsky's platonic dialogue on the subject. Its a bit long to copy-paste onto here, but here's the link.

This is worth a good amout of laughs, here's the first bit, for the rest the link is below

Chomsky: The film opens with Galadriel speaking. "The world has changed," she tells us, "I can feel it in the water." She's actually stealing a line from the non-human Treebeard. He says this to Merry and Pippin in The Two Towers, the novel. Already we can see who is going to be privileged by this narrative and who is not.

Zinn: Of course. "The world has changed." I would argue that the main thing one learns when one watches this film is that the world hasn't changed. Not at all.

Chomsky: We should examine carefully what's being established here in the prologue. For one, the point is clearly made that the "master ring," the so-called "one ring to rule them all," is actually a rather elaborate justification for preemptive war on Mordor.

Zinn: I think that's correct. Tolkien makes no attempt to hide the fact that rings are wielded by every other ethnic enclave in Middle Earth. The Dwarves have seven rings, the Elves have three. The race of Man has nine rings, for God's sake. There are at least 19 rings floating around out there in Middle Earth, and yet Sauron's ring is supposedly so terrible that no one can be allowed to wield it. Why?

Chomsky: Notice too that the "war" being waged here is, evidently, in the land of Mordor itself — at the very base of Mount Doom. These terrible armies of Sauron, these dreadful demonized Orcs, have not proved very successful at conquering the neighboring realms — if that is even what Sauron was seeking to do. It seems fairly far-fetched.



http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1525296&page=1&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=

"I think the Hobbits are criminals, essentially"

So far, excellent!

new favorite quote:

Zinn: And look at these Orcs! Supposedly so evil and vicious, and yet they don't do anything. They even appear to talk it over amongst themselves.

Chomsky: Look at it from their perspective: They've been locked up in this cave. They're frightened, they know they're not good fighters. They're just a bunch of farmers.

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."

Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said "Elrond is a Balrog." Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated." A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."

As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.

Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is codenamed "Moria."
Pretty good analogy.

Pretty good analogy to what? The current war in Iraq?

The Lord of the Rings is a rousing tale and part of the reason we like it is because it gives us a fairly simple world of absolutes. Good is absolutely good and evil is irredeemably evil. We feel no sympathy or compassion for orcs or spiders or wargs because they are not human; without any human characteristics or emotions.

In the real world however, things are rarely so black and white. The people we kill are often women and children who are not evil, but just have the bad luck of living on soil that covers oil we covet.

In every war the government propaganda strives to paint the enemy as inhuman to make it easier to kill them.

This is a silly, childish analogy.

In the real world however, things are rarely so black and white. The people we kill are often women and children who are not evil, but just have the bad luck of living on soil that covers oil we covet.

In every war the government propaganda strives to paint the enemy as inhuman to make it easier to kill them.



hey man, you're harshing my buzz. halfling rights! gandalf for president!

anyone read "grunts" by mary gentle, its retells the whole epic fantasy thing from the prospective of the orcs, who always get the raw end of thewars between good and evil.
Sounds like a good read.

Pretty good analogy to what? The current war in Iraq?

The Lord of the Rings is a rousing tale and part of the reason we like it is because it gives us a fairly simple world of absolutes. Good is absolutely good and evil is irredeemably evil. We feel no sympathy or compassion for orcs or spiders or wargs because they are not human; without any human characteristics or emotions.

In the real world however, things are rarely so black and white. The people we kill are often women and children who are not evil, but just have the bad luck of living on soil that covers oil we covet.

In every war the government propaganda strives to paint the enemy as inhuman to make it easier to kill them.

This is a silly, childish analogy.


But funny :)

As Chomsky and Zinn said: This is a war over pipe-weed.

So, I've come up with a new slogan:

Pipeweed is muder!

Protest the War: Don't Smoke