NationStates Jolt Archive

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

If we're all you've got, then yes, the girl will be freaked out by you and avoid you forever more.

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet),

This has happened before?

and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

Well there is always the option of getting pissed with her, and then asking her out jokingly. That way if it doesn't work out you can
a) blame it on alcohol
and/or
b) say you taking the piss

That or rape.

Ask her out!
If you don't it'll get worse, you'll start liking her more and more but the longer you wait the less likely you are to ask her out. Get it over with, ask her now.

Not exclusive. In fact love is better when their is a friendship underneath it. IT is hard to keep both, and to keep the friendship intact if the love fails. But it is possible.

just talk to her and tell her you really like her while your left hand slowly slides its way up her panties and your right unclips her bra...err... ah....I was drunk when I wrote this

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

If you are a good judge of character you should ask her out without putting pressure on her, and I don't think she will react adversly at all. In fact, if you two are friends she will most likely say yes, take it as far as she feels comfortable and then stop it from going forward subtly. And if she is interested in a relationship then you are in.

Just don't apply pressure, give her an opportunity to go out with you, but don't force her to make a decision.

If you can see her both as a friend and a sex object at the same time what you have found is love and you should go for it. If it's a one or the other type thing don't try to pretend its both. Personally, I think our society would work a lot better if the people we had sexual relationships with didn't have to be people we knew outside of the bedroom.

That or rape.
*kills* Gongites

bad boy

This has happened before?
No, but I have a quite obsessive personality (which is why my biological and lexical knowledge is what it is), and I can imagine myself degenerating into that state. Which would really suck if I wasn't going out with her.

just try to be cool about it
dont hint that you are in love with her already
just ask her out and see how it goes. maybe to something special at school that she would like to go to but hasnt been asked to yet so it can seem like you are doing her a favor instead of that you are desperate to date her.

If you are a good judge of character you should ask her out without putting pressure on her, and I don't think she will react adversly at all. In fact, if you two are friends she will most likely say yes, take it as far as she feels comfortable and then stop it from going forward subtly. And if she is interested in a relationship then you are in.

Just don't apply pressure, give her an opportunity to go out with you, but don't force her to make a decision.
I was intending on something like that, it's just that I am boarderline Asperger's, so I'm not sure how well I would be able to do that.

If we're all you've got, then yes, the girl will be freaked out by you and avoid you forever more.
I think hes got the right idea but try it anyway shes probably a hottie and so then one of us can snatch her.
MWahahahahahahahahahahahahha

Seriously try it or ask her how she would fell if a friend asked her out then if she asks why tell her you heard some crazy story over the internet about it and how a guy asked others this very question.

Bump into her a couple of times play pea-nuckle and dont let go look into her eyes and then see what she does.
other wise
IErinuh

I was intending on something like that, it's just that I am boarderline Asperger's, so I'm not sure how well I would be able to do that.
What is Asperger's?I recognise it from somewhere.

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

Well, in my (limited) experience, if you don't ask her out, you'll be kicking yourself for the next few years. If you do ask her out and it falls apart, it is very hard to get the friendship back. This is not immpossible though, as one of my best friends is a girl I dated in high school. If you ask her out and it does work, you could consider yourself one of the luckiest guys alive. Best of luck!

What is Asperger's?I recognise it from somewhere.
Im pretty sure its a Syndrome that fails to take hints and breaks under pressure.???????

Bump into her a couple of times play pea-nuckle and dont let go look into her eyes and then see what she does.
other wise
Sorry, but what is "pea-knuckle"?

What is Asperger's?I recognise it from somewhere.
I was referring to Asperger's syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger%27s_syndrome), a mild form of autism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism). I'm not an anti-social freak or anything, I am just bad at getting things like subtle social cues.

If you do ask her out and it falls apart, it is very hard to get the friendship back.
That is exactly what I'm afraid of...besides the fact that she may feel uncomforatable around me for some reason or another. I'm not quite sure what the reason would be, but for some reason I have a nagging fear that if she knows I'd like to date her, she won't want to be around me if she doesn't also want to. But thank you, you did offer some well-thought advice...unfortunately it just augments my aprehension...

That is exactly what I'm afraid of...besides the fact that she may feel uncomforatable around me for some reason or another. I'm not quite sure what the reason would be, but for some reason I have a nagging fear that if she knows I'd like to date her, she won't want to be around me if she doesn't also want to. But thank you, you did offer some well-thought advice...unfortunately it just augments my aprehension...
Do it! Do it now! You may not come back to post here until you've asked her out, or The Holy Moose will make you suffer eternal torment!

Sorry, but what is "pea-knuckle"?


I was referring to Asperger's syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger%27s_syndrome), a mild form of autism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism). I'm not an anti-social freak or anything, I am just bad at getting things like subtle social cues.



Oh yeah, one of the many things that some people thought I had (along with ADD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, Information processing dificulties, Specific Processing difficulties, Schizophrenia [ :confused: ] and a few others)

ahhh well then
pick an event you are pretty sure she hasnt been asked to yet, that she would LIKE to go to, and that she almost certainly has TIME to go to

ask her to go with you

if she says NO, just let it drop, shes not interested. and you havent ruined your friendship.

(if it turns out that you miscalculated and it was something she couldnt go to or hated the idea of going to, she'll apologize greatly then ask YOU out to some similar event. then its good to go.)

Well, I think I'm in a similar boat to you.

But it is more fear of being rejected, than fear on losing a friend. Although I do understand what your going through, I once fancied one of my best friends and eventually told her (then it was actually fear of losing a friend) because I feared I was becoming obsessive and desperatly needed to get it off my chest. We're still good friends though, so no harm came of it.

Wait, dude...

You're border line Aspergers, you got a girl you are good friends with and want more with? Shit, I think you may have got my life by accident, cos I'm in an exactly identical position.

Ask her out, in the name of heaven! I need to find out if it works!

Incidentally, almost had a close call with another friend in an email - she'd just got engaged, I had to get it off my chest; turned out alright, as she assumed I was drunk, wrote an extremely sensitive and compassionate email back and everythings been cool since.

dude, i kinda share ur problema,
over Xmas holiday i had a roller coaster ride of emotions and always seemed to end up at the same sh!tty point.its personal,i wont go into it.
but one evenin in the pub wiv my buddies,this girl, who iv always regarded as pretty hot,turned to me and asked if we could hav a quiet video evenin together.
i hav to admit i was pretty surprised altho we had been talkin a bit about all the changes goin on in our lives at the mo.no gal's really wanted my company like that before so i was like tryin to be as unshocked as pos and jus said like 'yeah,thats cool,I'd appreciate that,whenever's best for u.'
Iv been havin a crap time lately so i wasnt expectin her or anybody to take an interest,i was totally thrown by her approach.
so we got together and i thought the best thing to do was treat her with respect coz at the mo i dunno if its wise for me to try start a relationship when i aint even at home,im movin round the country,but the past few months or so iv wanted a relationship more than ever,weird huh?
so when we got together she was really kinda close,touchy,etc but i didnt make a move coz i didnt wanna spoil the friendship and hardly knew her that well anyway.i mean, i knew of her for like four years or so but didnae get to know her properly coz our paths never crossed in the past.she was just sorta there in the background of the group of buddies i made a while bak.
but over the hol i got the impression she was lookin for somethin' but at the same time, when we spoke, she said that she wasnt after a relationship becoz of the pain of breakin up,she's still tryin to get over a boyfriend of 2years ago i believ.she said she really appreciated meetin a guy who wasnt after just sex and im thinkin well,yeah,i wanna get to know ya for real before i pluck up courage to go further coz 'i dont wanna chase somethin if it aint gonna work out, i could use a friend at the mo' sorta thing.so im cool jus bein her mate and i hope i can be a good friend and not let her down but at the same time,she kept gettin really close and it felt like she was checkin me out,testin me, whenever we were alone, so i didnt wanna giv off the wrong impression-that i wasnt intrested-but i also didnt wanna just blurt out that i wanted her so much only to find that she didnt wanna speak to me after that.
i mean i want to be a good friend if thats all she wants but she never makes it clear if that IS all she wants.and she is kinda liberal with other guys but i think thats just coz she's used to guys wantin more than just frendship.so now im confused as fu!ck as to whether i should just tell her im crazy bout her or sit it out,be a good friend and hope it can develop or, if not,then just stay mates.if she does just want a mate im perfectly happy with that,i could use a friend too.maybe im jus readin too deep into things and she was friendly coz she saw how sh!tty a time iv been havin more than the rest o' my mates bak home did over Xmas.maybe she does jus want friendship and showed concern becoz of that.but there were moments when i coulda sworn i detected more than that.she wanted to be with me for god's sake!no girl has ever wanted my company in the past!im just the great pretender,the entertainer,the guy who never takes life seriously,well until recently.i just hide my feelings coz otherwise i get into deep sh!t.
so wot the hell,do i tell her my feelings or just carry on bein a friend?i get the impression she wanted more than friendship but it wasnt quite the rite time for me coz of other stuff goin on for me at the mo.why are you maidens so difficult to read?wot do you want?gggrr.

so yeah dude,i hope you can relate to this predicament and hope things work out cool between you and your special one.
i think my advice on the issue would be 'tell her you like her' and hope for the best altho it is a risk.but then thats rich coming from me coz i aint got the frame of mind to do likewise-im not an assertiv person myself altho the past few months hav made me realize that and i wanna change and become more assertiv precisely coz of the above reasons.wot i mean, i think, is grab the opportunity and dont worry if it dont work out,just be confident in yaself -altho i struggle with bein confident.
well,I'll shut up now coz i talk too much for my own good and most people readin this post hav fallen asleep by now!

Do it! Do it now! You may not come back to post here until you've asked her out, or The Holy Moose will make you suffer eternal torment!
I apologise, but I am going to post before I do, though I guess I will go through with it when I get the chance. I just need to wait for the most opportune moment. I beg for the Holy Moose to understand my position!

Although I do understand what your going through, I once fancied one of my best friends and eventually told her (then it was actually fear of losing a friend) because I feared I was becoming obsessive and desperatly needed to get it off my chest. We're still good friends though, so no harm came of it.
Ahh, that's good to know. I hope that my situation is at least like that in the latter regard.

You're border line Aspergers, you got a girl you are good friends with and want more with? Shit, I think you may have got my life by accident, cos I'm in an exactly identical position.

Ask her out, in the name of heaven! I need to find out if it works!
Alright...though I'd prefer for you to be the guinea pig...

well,I'll shut up now coz i talk too much for my own good and most people readin this post hav fallen asleep by now!
Not at all, your post was actually quite interesting. Sure, it would've been better if it was a little more coherent in the grammar and spelling departments, but that was just an inconvienence.

It's a tough call. I asked a friend out once and now we hate each-other.

But then, it's worked for some people.

If she says no, you're screwed. She'll avoid you at all costs. But, if you're good friends, she'll probably be willing to go out with you. If it doesn't work, though, you're gonna have the same problem.

Edit: By the way, this sucks for me, too, I'm in the same situation. Only reverse--I'm a girl.

Odds are your friendship is going to end eventually. Either your feelings for her will get in the way if you don't say anything, or one of you will be hurt by the other. The only chance you've got for a long-term relationship is marriage. You cannot be "just friends" with someone you're attracted to.

i have had this situation before- and it was a guy i had known for 8 years! Firswt thing i did was try and make sure we spent a lot more time together. Through that, i came to the conclusion that he probally would not turn me down and was attracted to me physically, so I had a talk with hima nd told him how i felt the dynamic may be changing, but i never wanted to screw up the friendship. After a long convo, and some time to think, we slowly warmed into a relationship. we dated for three months, he ended up driving me crazy, and we had a pretty emotional breakup. It took about a month for things to get better, and now, i am actually closer with him as a friend than before. Its a very cool, doting, affectionate friendship. So try it.

It's a tough call. I asked a friend out once and now we hate each-other.If she says no, you're screwed. She'll avoid you at all costs.
That was precisely what I was worried about! Especially what Rogue Angelica said...

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

It sounds a bit like a cop-out, but it really depends upon the girl. If you ask her out and she says no, she may be uneasy around you, not only because she's concerned that you may ask her out again, but also because of her feeling a bit guilty at having turned you down.

If she's mature enough, she can tell you "no" in a nice way and still remain friends. As a matter of fact, she may use the friendship you have as a reason for turning you down: "Why ruin a perfectly good friendship by dating each other?"

My personal take on the "friendship/relationship" thing is that the best way to begin a relationship is by being friends. The best relationships I have had in my life began with friendship. This is not true if the only thing you're interested in is sex, however.

It sounds a bit like a cop-out, but it really depends upon the girl. If you ask her out and she says no, she may be uneasy around you, not only because she's concerned that you may ask her out again, but also because of her feeling a bit guilty at having turned you down.
Huh, I hadn't considered guilt to be a potential reason. Is there any way that I could ask that would make it less likely that she'll feel bad or uneasy around me about turning me down?

This is not true if the only thing you're interested in is sex, however.
This I certainly am not. Though I would not exactly be averse to it, and she is extremely attractive physically to me, it is certainly a secondary motivation.

That was precisely what I was worried about! Especially what Rogue Angelica said...

Yeah, if you want to know what i'd do, i'd forget it. Unless she drops hints or something...

It's not really worth jeopardising a friendship, and I know :(

Well I've been in this situation. I've had a male friend of mine ask me out, and I wasn't interested in him as anything more than a friend. I told him so (and i tried to be nice about it, as in saying that I cared about him and so forth and that I thought he was a nice person) and he accepted it without getting all weird.

Eventually he found someone else and we're still good friends. So if you do approach her, be nice, don't push, and if she says no, accept it and move on.

Yeah, if you want to know what i'd do, i'd forget it. Unless she drops hints or something...

It's not really worth jeopardising a friendship, and I know :(
Well now I'm unsure again! Earlier I was convinced that it probably was the best course of action, and now I'm not so sure. This isn't the first time that's happened though, as I've though a bit about this...

You know, there's always a chance that she likes you, too. That's kind of what I'm hoping for in my situation.

So if you do approach her, be nice, don't push, and if she says no, accept it and move on.
Hell, I don't even want her to say no if she doesn't want to. She can give a neutral answer or something like that and I'd accept that as a no. Pushing would not be my problem here...

Huh, I hadn't considered guilt to be a potential reason. Is there any way that I could ask that would make it less likely that she'll feel bad or uneasy around me about turning me down?

I would think so, although again this depends upon the person.

You might try saying something like this: "[ her name ], I value our friendship very highly, you know that. But I would like to take it to the next level. How would you feel about us going out together?"

Notice that nowhere did I mention "dating."

You know, there's always a chance that she likes you, too. That's kind of what I'm hoping for in my situation.
Well now, sure, there's a chance, but I'd rather not rely on such an unknown.

You might try saying something like this: "[ her name ], I value our friendship very highly, you know that. But I would like to take it to the next level. How would you feel about us going out together?"

Notice that nowhere did I mention "dating."
That could work. How do you think something along the lines of "I heard you broke up with your boyfriend a while ago. Would like to try me, perhaps?" That is the best I could come up with...but yours seems much more tactful, I must say.

I would think so, although again this depends upon the person.

You might try saying something like this: "[ her name ], I value our friendship very highly, you know that. But I would like to take it to the next level. How would you feel about us going out together?"

Notice that nowhere did I mention "dating."
Nuhnuhnuhnuhnu. DON'T say "take it to the next level," it sounds like you're trying to climb the ladder to sex. No.

Yeah, if you want to know what i'd do, i'd forget it. Unless she drops hints or something...

It's not really worth jeopardising a friendship, and I know :(
those hints can be extreamly misleading, trust me. I'm a similar situattion to you, she was dropping hints, and well the rest is peculier to say the least, but we never went out and are still friends, but if you do ask and she says no, my advice is don't let it get to you, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Then again perhaps my situation is a bit more unique than yours, mainly we have both been hurt by members of the opposite sex that were really close to us (me my mom and my sister, and her, her dad) so she's a bit suspicious of males, and were both for the most part really apathetic.

Nuhnuhnuhnuhnu. DON'T say "take it to the next level," it sounds like you're trying to climb the ladder to sex. No.
Seems like sound advice.

You might try saying something like this: "[ her name ], I value our friendship very highly, you know that. But I would like to take it to the next level. How would you feel about us going out together?"

Ugh, that's so cheesy.

Just tell her how you feel, maybe ask her out for drinks to talk about it. If you really value your friendship with her, she deserves to know how you feel. Of course, they say you should never take advice on women from a woman. So... *shrug*

those hints can be extreamly misleading, trust me. I'm a similar situattion to you, she was dropping hints, and well the rest is peculier to say the least, but we never went out and are still friends, but if you do ask and she says no, my advice is don't let it get to you, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Then again perhaps my situation is a bit more unique than yours, mainly we have both been hurt by members of the opposite sex that were really close to us (me my mom and my sister, and her, her dad) so she's a bit suspicious of males, and were both for the most part really apathetic.
Well if it's like that, you want to let her know that she can trust you, not by coming out and saying it, just by being a friend, because she's probably just looking for someone to trust.

"I heard you broke up with your boyfriend a while ago. Would like to try me, perhaps?" That is the best I could come up with...but yours seems much more tactful, I must say.

NO NO NO!
This sounds like a terribly cheap come on. I'd be offended if I was this girl.

NO NO NO!
This sounds like a terribly cheap come on. I'd be offended if I was this girl.
Oh... The main thing was that I was trying to think of a way to put it in the least serious and least pressuring way. Apparently it would've been a bad idea.

Ugh, that's so cheesy.

Just tell her how you feel, maybe ask her out for drinks to talk about it. If you really value your friendship with her, she deserves to know how you feel. Of course, they say you should never take advice on women from a woman. So... *shrug*
Hell YES you should! See, this is why you shouldn't take advice from guys. Women can see the situation from their perspective, how they would react in the same situation. Guys have major issues getting into the heads of women, we don't. Why do you think guys are always searching for advice in the first place? The best place to get relationship advice is from the opposite sex.

Well if it's like that, you want to let her know that she can trust you, not by coming out and saying it, just by being a friend, because she's probably just looking for someone to trust.
thanks for the advice. I definatly need it
I'm not going into details, but she is the only person I have had any real emotion for in about 7 years I would never want to hurt her, but she did make some serious accusations when I asked her out.

tThen again perhaps my situation is a bit more unique than yours, mainly we have both been hurt by members of the opposite sex that were really close to us (me my mom and my sister, and her, her dad) so she's a bit suspicious of males, and were both for the most part really apathetic.

Meh, mine was just a bitch for the sake of being a bitch. No other reason...I really saw her true colours.

I don't actually see her anymore so I don't care :p

Meh, mine was just a bitch for the sake of being a bitch. No other reason...I really saw her true colours.

I don't actually see her anymore so I don't care :p
Good for you! :D

Meh, mine was just a bitch for the sake of being a bitch. No other reason...I really saw her true colours.

I don't actually see her anymore so I don't care :p
she's not a bitch, and she's even told me she like's me, she just says she doesn't want to hurt me. she said this before she found out just how bad my mom hurt me

she's not a bitch, and she's even told me she like's me, she just says she doesn't want to hurt me. she said this before she found out just how bad my mom hurt me

Well yeah, what I meant was our situation is (or was, in my case) wildly different. At least yours has some resemblance of logic to it at least.

she's not a bitch, and she's even told me she like's me, she just says she doesn't want to hurt me.
I understand how that is. Insecurity, which is why both of you feel that way, I'd wager, is one of the most dangerous of all emotions. It makes you cut more out than you should. This actually relates to what I'm listening to right now, Pink Floyd'd The Wall. The current song is "Waiting for the Worms", and here are some of the lyrics:

Ooh, you cannot reach me now
Ooh, no matter how you try
Goodbye, cruel world, it's over
Walk on by.
Sitting in a bunker here behind my wall
Waiting for the worms to come.
In perfect isolation here behind my wall
Waiting for the worms to come.

Protecting yourself too much is a natural instinct which I am unfortuantely acutely familiar with. I have begun getting over it, last September was the starting point, but it is too frightening to take down walls. Yet you rot behind those barriers, and it turns out to hurt you more than other people will in the end. It will be heathiest for you and the one you love if you could perhaps make efforts to take down some of the defences that have been put up. It'd be even better if you could do it together. Much healthier for her too, to emphasise that. Sure, it's hard, but it's worth it. It's certainly worth it.

Angelica, I read your post, and thank you for your input, I'm gonna save it to my comp, and look at it when I feel utterly hopeless

EDIT: wow time for my comp to mess up twice, restart it twice, and have a complete loss of words as to how thankfull I was, before It got deleated!

Angelica, I read your post, and thank you for your input, I'm gonna save it to my comp, and look at it when I feel utterly hopeless
*bows* you're welcome.

...and LOL

@Angelica
Weren't you worried that other members might have read your post?

Well there are always two pleasant options:
1- BOttle it up inside out of fear, never say anything ever, and hope it dies: It won't die, but keep on hoping.
2-Say what's on your mind. That way she rejects you (Maybe she doesn't but I'm telling the story) and says she just wants to be friends, but now things are all awkward, so she slowly bit by bit avoids seeing you, speaking to you, or thus having to put up with the awkwardness. You figure it's just temporary and she'll come around because, hey, she SAID she still wants to be friends. You wait for a bit and then BAM it's too late because she's already gone somewhere far away like... just for argument's sake... the other side of the freaking Atlantic Ocean, leaving you (On purpose, don't you doubt) with no means of contacting her. In theory, when she gets back in a year you'll be over the whole business and she can continue to ignore you..... :headbang: AHHHHHH! :headbang:
This is all hypothetical of course..

That could work. How do you think something along the lines of "I heard you broke up with your boyfriend a while ago. Would like to try me, perhaps?" That is the best I could come up with...but yours seems much more tactful, I must say.

I wasn't aware that she had broken up with her previous. Another suggestion in light of this: "[ her name ], I'm sorry you and your boyfriend broke up, but I'm available ... really." :D

@Angelica
Weren't you worried that other members might have read your post?
Er, yeah, that's why I deleted it. I know people on this site that read these forums periodically that I'd rather not display this info to. Not a huge problem if they read it, just the type of thing I'd rather keep to myself.

Anyway, I gotta run. Gotta get up early tomorrow. Glad I could help! Toodles.

Er, yeah, that's why I deleted it. I know people on this site that read these forums periodically that I'd rather not display this info to. Not a huge problem if they read it, just the type of thing I'd rather keep to myself.
I see. I did read it, but I chose not to take that into account 'cause I felt like I was intruding into someone else's conversation.
Anyway, I gotta run. Gotta get up early tomorrow. Glad I could help! Toodles.
Nighty-night :D

Nuhnuhnuhnuhnu. DON'T say "take it to the next level," it sounds like you're trying to climb the ladder to sex. No.

Um ... if they're already friends, wouldn't they have already talked about sex as a discussion subject, and she would supposedly know him well enough to realize that sex isn't what he's primarily interested in? I'm not sure, but all the female friends I have ever had talked with me about sex. Of course, that may be due to the vast store of knowledge and expertise I have in that subject area. :D

Anyway, I gotta run. Gotta get up early tomorrow. Glad I could help! Toodles.
Night, and thank you for your advice

I wasn't aware that she had broken up with her previous. Another suggestion in light of this: "[ her name ], I'm sorry you and your boyfriend broke up, but I'm available ... really." :D
Oh, I'm not actually sure if she is the one who broke up with him, but they just kind of drifted apart. And since the two suggestion so far as to how to ask her have been shot down violently, does anyone have any serious suggestions? I'm not too good at this type of thing...

Um ... if they're already friends, wouldn't they have already talked about sex as a discussion subject, and she would supposedly know him well enough to realize that sex isn't what he's primarily interested in? I'm not sure, but all the female friends I have ever had talked with me about sex. Of course, that may be due to the vast store of knowledge and expertise I have in that subject area. :D
We occasionally joke about sex, but it's not exactly a regular discussion topic... She probably knows me well enough to know that I'm not like that, but god knows what she might conjecture from what I say...

Oh, I'm not actually sure if she is the one who broke up with him, but they just kind of drifted apart. And since the two suggestion so far as to how to ask her have been shot down violently, does anyone have any serious suggestions? I'm not too good at this type of thing...

We occasionally joke about sex, but it's not exactly a regular discussion topic... She probably knows me well enough to know that I'm not like that, but god knows what she might conjecture from what I say...

Does she trust you?

Does she trust you?
Trust me with what? Overall, she seems kind of a cautious type of person from what I can tell, though she certainly doesn't act like it. I'm really not sure, though I'm sure she would trust me with something like her money/credit card or car.

I would think so, although again this depends upon the person.

You might try saying something like this: "[ her name ], I value our friendship very highly, you know that. But I would like to take it to the next level. How would you feel about us going out together?"

Notice that nowhere did I mention "dating."
id say that is relaytionship suicide it would require her to ask to many question that you might have to fluff around with.

Nuhnuhnuhnuhnu. DON'T say "take it to the next level," it sounds like you're trying to climb the ladder to sex. No.
Word up

id say that is relaytionship suicide it would require her to ask to many question that you might have to fluff around with.
Then what would be a good way to ask? There have been two suggestions, and both have been labelled horrible. Anyone have any contributions?

Find your own words for how to ask. Don't try to come up with something witty, or clever... just be honest and direct.

About " You are so fine!!, So fine you rock my mind!!" or how about "Dammmmmmmmmmmmmn Girl you got booty!!!" or "You want to go to the movies or something". Friends go to the movies you know. And if you feel it is right and it clicks. Then she probley feels the same. If love is going to happen you can normal feel it. If you have big doubts maybe look somewhere else.

Find your own words for how to ask. Don't try to come up with something witty, or clever... just be honest and direct.
I would, but I am just so inept sometimes at social intricacies and expectations that I really don't know how to do that. I don't want to put any pressure on her to decide, since the only reason I haven't done so yet is that I'm afraid of losing her as a friend. I am really not very experienced with this type of thing...

No, but I have a quite obsessive personality (which is why my biological and lexical knowledge is what it is), and I can imagine myself degenerating into that state. Which would really suck if I wasn't going out with her.
Ooh, not fun. Not fun at all.
I'm that sort of person as well. I'm the sort of person who has a psychotic break and becomes a stalker later in life.
I know the obsession thing, and it sucks like hell, to put it lightly.

Ooh, not fun. Not fun at all.
I'm that sort of person as well. I'm the sort of person who has a psychotic break and becomes a stalker later in life.
I know the obsession thing, and it sucks like hell, to put it lightly.
Which is why I suggested being up front

(this seems to be a natural human trait seeing the amount of people admitting to it, including me)

I would, but I am just so inept sometimes at social intricacies and expectations that I really don't know how to do that. I don't want to put any pressure on her to decide, since the only reason I haven't done so yet is that I'm afraid of losing her as a friend. I am really not very experienced with this type of thing...
This is a sticky situation, isn't it...
I've never been good at this sort of thing, so I can't really help you much. The way my current and I got together was sort of an accident.
Shall I tell a story, or is that way too off-topic?

(this seems to be a natural human trait seeing the amount of people admitting to it, including me)
It's natural up til a point, and I believe I'm past that point.
But let's not go there right now.

My friend was in a similar situation veery recently. We spent hours coming up with good lines and strategies. I think we left off with "Let's take a walk," and then "I really like being around you. Do you feel the same way towards me?"
She was a bitch though, so my friend stopped thinking about it.

You should definately go for it. You will hate yourself if you do not act and can never know whenever she "felt the same way" or not. Conquer your shyness! Move in!

I really hope it works out for you.

This is a sticky situation, isn't it...
I've never been good at this sort of thing, so I can't really help you much. The way my current and I got together was sort of an accident.
Shall I tell a story, or is that way too off-topic?
*Gathers around Neo-Anarchists and sits cross legged on the floor*

This is a sticky situation, isn't it...
I've never been good at this sort of thing, so I can't really help you much. The way my current and I got together was sort of an accident.
Shall I tell a story, or is that way too off-topic?

I wanna hear too

3

Me too!

Hopes no one notices!

I wanna hear too
I think I'd like to hear as well...

I say seize the day and ask the damn girl out.

Mmmkay, I'll tell my story...

We had been friends for a while. We went out to see a movie together one day. After the movie, she was really tired, but she didn't want to fall asleep or anything because we still had to get home.
So we cancelled the rest of our plans for the day, and went to a coffeeshop to pick up some yummy caffeinated goodness to see if that would help.
We were on the bus home, and the caffeine didn't work. She fell asleep, and ended up leaning on my. Now I wasn't opposed to it, other than the fact it probably scared the other people on the bus a bit since we're both women.
She woke up, and took a bit to get her bearings. She sat up, and then said "Nevermind, that was comfortable!" and went back to pressing uo against me.
We spent the next few days holding hands and hugging and all that sappy stuff. It took us a full two weeks before we really got around to talking about how we liked each other and stuff.
So, that's the story of how my partner and I got together without asking each other out or anything.
Go me!
:p

Niiiiiiiice! :)

Sweet. I wish that could happen to me.

you have thouroghly confused me yet again Neo, first your a guy, then your a girl, then a guy, girl, etc

*head explodes*

Sweet. I wish that could happen to me.
I was surprised as hell, myself. I thought she was just a friend, as she was always a bit distant.
I never even knew she was into girls before that!
Turns out the distantness is because I was being distant, and she liked me, but didn't think I liked her, and all that psychology stuff that baffles me so utterly.

you have thouroghly confused me yet again Neo, first your a guy, then your a girl, then a guy, girl, etc

*head explodes*
I was a guy. I am a MTF transsexual.
The times I referred to myself as male, were in the past tense.
At least they should have been, if they weren't.

By the way, if your head's already open, can I poke your brain?

I was a guy. I am a MTF transsexual.
The times I referred to myself as male, were in the past tense.
At least they should have been, if they weren't.

By the way, if your head's already open, can I poke your brain?
explains alot, and go for it I don't seem to be needing it anymore

Odds are your friendship is going to end eventually. Either your feelings for her will get in the way if you don't say anything, or one of you will be hurt by the other. The only chance you've got for a long-term relationship is marriage. You cannot be "just friends" with someone you're attracted to.
Odd, my parents never got married and they're still together.

explains alot, and go for it I don't seem to be needing it anymore
Is this an open brain poking and if so can I carve some out for lunch tomorrow? I'm a bit short on edible human body parts right now.

Is this an open brain poking and if so can I carve some out for lunch tomorrow? I'm a bit short on edible human body parts right now.
sorry it's just for neo, cause he....er she is special

sorry it's just for neo, cause he....er she is special
Dammit! Well, there's no helping it. If anyone hears of someone murdered in Macomb with part of their brain missing, I didn't do it.

Odd, my parents never got married and they're still together.
Oh noes!
It's obviously a logical impossibility, since Wakko said so!

*Aremd Bookworm's parents vanish in a puff of logic*

so how old are you neo? I always kinda thought you were in high school, but I guess not

so how old are you neo? I always kinda thought you were in high school, but I guess not
Well, you're close. I'm 19. Soon to be 20, though.

Well, you're close. I'm 19. Soon to be 20, though.
and when did you get this done?

and when did you get this done?
Get what done?

Get what done?
I'm just wondering when you decided about the whole transvestite thing, never really known one before

I'm just wondering when you decided about the whole transvestite thing, never really known one before
I decided about it during puberty, but couldn't do a thing til I was out of the house and of legal age to make my own decisions.

I decided about it during puberty, but couldn't do a thing til I was out of the house and of legal age to make my own decisions.
That must've sucked :(

My sister wants to go FTM, but she's already in her thirties and has kids.

That must've sucked :(
Like hell it did.

My sister wants to go FTM, but she's already in her thirties and has kids.
Ooh, that's when it gets difficult...
I'm sorry for her.
:(

EDIT: Should I say "him" instead?

I guess she's not he yet. Though I suppose I could start practicing. A shame, I already have two brothers, she's my only sister. At least I'll have a brother I'm taller than.

I know what you mean. I don't think guys and girls can ever be just friends. I'mnot saying that just because you have friends of the opposite sex that you have to be attracted to them but at some point it may cross your mind. Out of my 12 closest friends 5 are guys. I know for a fact 2 of them really really like me. I like a different guy and well the other 2 are nice but ya.

I haven't told this guy I like him cos it would ruin our friendship.

What really bugs me: why do guys you don't like and wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole always like you???

What really bugs me: why do guys you don't like and wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole always like you???
I've been wondering about that, too...

What really bugs me: why do guys you don't like and wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole always like you???
Are they the "stereotypical Nice Guy?"

I know what you mean. I don't think guys and girls can ever be just friends. I'mnot saying that just because you have friends of the opposite sex that you have to be attracted to them but at some point it may cross your mind. Out of my 12 closest friends 5 are guys. I know for a fact 2 of them really really like me. I like a different guy and well the other 2 are nice but ya.
Not true, I'm a guy and my closest two friends are girls, one of them I have no attraction to sexually.

We had been friends for a while. We went out to see a movie together one day. After the movie, she was really tired, but she didn't want to fall asleep or anything because we still had to get home.
So we cancelled the rest of our plans for the day, and went to a coffeeshop to pick up some yummy caffeinated goodness to see if that would help.
We were on the bus home, and the caffeine didn't work. She fell asleep, and ended up leaning on my. Now I wasn't opposed to it, other than the fact it probably scared the other people on the bus a bit since we're both women.
She woke up, and took a bit to get her bearings. She sat up, and then said "Nevermind, that was comfortable!" and went back to pressing uo against me.
We spent the next few days holding hands and hugging and all that sappy stuff. It took us a full two weeks before we really got around to talking about how we liked each other and stuff.
So, that's the story of how my partner and I got together without asking each other out or anything.
Go me!
Lucky son of a... :p

Well, from what I can tell, it really would be a good idea to do so, but don't know how. And no-one's been too helpful in that department...but I guess that's fair enough. Though I do know two things not to say.

Also, is it really considered romantically if you spend a lot of time alone with a friend of the opposite sex? Because I've been spending quite a bit of time with a female friend of mine, but am not interested in her sexually, and I'm pretty sure she's got at least some sort of crush on me...am I sending the wrong signals? And, on a similar note, would going out with the girl I love alone be able to move on to romance, because I can certainly arrange that. Goddamnit! Social issues are so confusing! :headbang:

Lucky son of a... :p

Well, from what I can tell, it really would be a good idea to do so, but don't know how. And no-one's been too helpful in that department...but I guess that's fair enough. Though I do know two things not to say.

Also, is it really considered romantically if you spend a lot of time alone with a friend of the opposite sex? Because I've been spending quite a bit of time with a female friend of mine, but am not interested in her sexually, and I'm pretty sure she's got at least some sort of crush on me...am I sending the wrong signals? And, on a similar note, would going out with the girl I love alone be able to move on to romance, because I can certainly arrange that. Goddamnit! Social issues are so confusing! :headbang:
It's not neccisarially romantic to just spend time alone with them, I spend alot of time time alone with my friend Natalie, and we don't have any romantic intrest in each other. I wouldn't suggest bringing it up with her, cause if your wrong it will make you seem like an ass. But ask her, just say I want to go out with you and if you don't want to go out with me I will respect your decision to be nothing more than friends. but If you aren't sincere and your just using this as an excuse to get in her pants I will hunt you down and hurt you, cause taking advantage of a girl like that is just horrible. As for your other friend, stay friends with her if she thinks it's getting romantic, I'm sure she'll back down after you ask the other friend of yours.

But ask her, just say I want to go out with you and if you don't want to go out with me I will respect your decision to be nothing more than friends.
I would, but I'm afraid I might freak her out or something. Will she start trying to avoid me and feel awkward around me if I bring my interest into the open? Or will she just not care, and continue our relationship the way it is? That's the main reason I haven't done it yet, because I am terrified of losing her altogether as a friend.

but If you aren't sincere and your just using this as an excuse to get in her pants I will hunt you down and hurt you, cause taking advantage of a girl like that is just horrible.
As you should. That is very low in my opinion. My prime reason for wanting this is just so that I can act as I want around her. I want to be open about my affection, and express it. The physical benefits are also on there, but sex is probably at the bottom of my list. Though I'm not averse to getting between the sheets, as the they say, that is certainly not one of my motives.

I would, but I'm afraid I might freak her out or something. Will she start trying to avoid me and feel awkward around me if I bring my interest into the open? Or will she just not care, and continue our relationship the way it is? That's the main reason I haven't done it yet, because I am terrified of losing her altogether as a friend.
If she doesn't want to go out with you, and this freaks her out enough to keep away from you, than either you are really ugly (doubtful) or she is a bitch (doubtful as well cause they are easy to spot) or you are both in like 7th or 8th grade possibly 9th. So go for it, if you don't it will eat you alive, and only become harder if you find out she actually likes you later

If she doesn't want to go out with you, and this freaks her out enough to keep away from you, than either you are really ugly (doubtful) or she is a bitch (doubtful as well cause they are easy to spot) or you are both in like 7th or 8th grade possibly 9th. So go for it, if you don't it will eat you alive, and only become harder if you find out she actually likes you later
Nope, none of the above apply. So girls really don't care if a male friend openly states that they're in love with them? I really haven't had much experience with this type of thing before, and this is probably just my overactive imagination. And since I like her so much, I'm probably obssessing over this more than I should. The fact that I have some insomnia might also be influential in my lack of reasoning.

Nope, none of the above apply. So girls really don't care if a male friend openly states that they're in love with them? I really haven't had much experience with this type of thing before, and this is probably just my overactive imagination. And since I like her so much, I'm probably obssessing over this more than I should. The fact that I have some insomnia might also be influential in my lack of reasoning.
not in my experiences, but I guess it really depends on them. I mean some of my friends if I said that they would freak. One of my friends I hada crush on a long time ago I told her and she just said oh I don't really feel that way about you, and were still friends and that was like a year ago.

baisically I'm not guaranteeing it, but it seems more likely she won'f freak out like that, especially if your close to her

baisically I'm not guaranteeing it, but it seems more likely she won'f freak out like that, especially if your close to her
Ok, thank you. You have assuaged my fears quite a bit. I still have no idea how to do it, or what elements would be the most tactful or persuasive or least intidmidating, but I guess I'll just have to be spontaneous and hope for the best.

Ok, thank you. You have assuaged my fears quite a bit. I still have no idea how to do it, or what elements would be the most tactful or persuasive or least intidmidating, but I guess I'll just have to be spontaneous and hope for the best.
just let her know that you will respect her decision, that is important

just let her know that you will respect her decision, that is important
So girls typically prefer it if you're upfront about your feelings? Because I don't want to pressure her about it if she doesn't want to be... As I told you, I've been thinking a lot about all the possible pitfalls...

So girls typically prefer it if you're upfront about your feelings? Because I don't want to pressure her about it if she doesn't want to be... As I told you, I've been thinking a lot about all the possible pitfalls...
from my experiences yes, I don't really know her so I can't make that call for sure. But every girl I know would want me to be as honest and upfront with them as possible.

I'd second that. One of the cool things about having friends who are girls is that they have have a nice run on the whole compassion thing.

Btw, does she know you have a bit of Aspergers? If so, she'll probably understand that you find it hard to navigate social entanglements and will give you a bit more leeway to express yourself without judgement.

Btw, does she know you have a bit of Aspergers?
Really?
I'd never heard Gnostikos mention that. Are you sure?

To gnostikos: I think that you should be patient with her and yourself! If you are not deeply in love with her, I say do nothing and seek company somewhere else! However, if you want to pursue this case further, then I say give you (her + you) time for your friendship to grow stronger! I really think that best friends can at any time snap and become more than that!
Besides in any boy-girl relationship a friendship masks hidden feelings! Let her discover that! :fluffle:

Besides in any boy-girl relationship a friendship masks hidden feelings! Let her discover that! :fluffle:
NO it doesn't, I'm a guy, I have friends that are female, I am not attracted to most of them, as a matter of fact only one of them, and that is extremly complicated, and if you care that much check the thread about kissing about page 6.

Then what would be a good way to ask? There have been two suggestions, and both have been labelled horrible. Anyone have any contributions?
It would be look into her eyes for a split second and ask her if she would like to go to the movies alone(together) sometime?
But sheeiate what would i know.

Btw, does she know you have a bit of Aspergers? If so, she'll probably understand that you find it hard to navigate social entanglements and will give you a bit more leeway to express yourself without judgement.
Well, she knows that I'm not always the most socially adept person. So perhaps you're right, I had always been considering the worst-case scenerios, without much heed to the possible factors on my side.

Really?
I'd never heard Gnostikos mention that. Are you sure?
Yes, I have boarderline Asperger's syndrome.

To gnostikos: I think that you should be patient with her and yourself! If you are not deeply in love with her, I say do nothing and seek company somewhere else! However, if you want to pursue this case further, then I say give you (her + you) time for your friendship to grow stronger! I really think that best friends can at any time snap and become more than that!
Well now, you see, I am. I have had a crush on her pretty muchs since I knew her. But that has certainly grown into love. More than I'd like in my current position, to be honest... I've been waiting 3 months without much progress, and though I typically am a great advocate of patience, especially in Tokugawa Ieyasu's image, I am starting to get a little eager and impatient.

Besides in any boy-girl relationship a friendship masks hidden feelings! Let her discover that! :fluffle:
Not always. I have several female friends, and, as Nation of Fortune said, I only feel this way about one. Sure, I like being around my other female friends, but I am not interested in any type of romantic relationship with any.

It would be look into her eyes for a split second and ask her if she would like to go to the movies alone(together) sometime?
But sheeiate what would i know.
Probably more than me.

Seems like a good idea if you want to open up your cards. And I think she will like it more because you are finally revealing the truth after a looong time of waiting.

NO it doesn't, I'm a guy, I have friends that are female, I am not attracted to most of them, as a matter of fact only one of them, and that is extremly complicated...

Holy god!! This thread is the f***ing story of my LIFE!! :D

Holy god!! This thread is the f***ing story of my LIFE!! :D
huh? now i'm confused?
1st are you male or female?
2nd was there any particular reason you quoted me?
3rd do you mean That none of your female friends like you romantically or vise a versa?

huh? now i'm confused?
1st are you male or female?
2nd was there any particular reason you quoted me?
3rd do you mean That none of your female friends like you romantically or vise a versa?

1st Male
2nd No...
3rd I have the exact same problem as the guy who started this thread. Should I, should I not, risk it, play it safe.. so many questions, y'know?

1st Male
2nd No...
3rd I have the exact same problem as the guy who started this thread. Should I, should I not, risk it, play it safe.. so many questions, y'know?
It all makes sense now

Ok More info and I will help you, to the best of my abilities. Info like how long have you known her how much and for what reasons you like her, and if you think she likes you or not

If she says no, you're screwed. She'll avoid you at all costs. But, if you're good friends, she'll probably be willing to go out with you. If it doesn't work, though, you're gonna have the same problem.

Edit: By the way, this sucks for me, too, I'm in the same situation. Only reverse--I'm a girl.

WOW half the people are in the same situation,

here is what you must do,

DO NOT ask him out.

Just wait for the rigth situation, preferably if he had a couple beers/joints and is in good happy-happy humor...sneak on him and..KISS HIM!! (or kiss her)...a quik casual kiss...

think Nike... just do it.

WOW half the people are in the same situation,

here is what you must do,

DO not ask him out,

Just wait for the rith situation, preferably if he had a couple beers/joints and is in good happy-happy humor...sneak on him and..KISS HIM/her...a quik casual kiss...

think Nike... just do it.
that sounds awfully familiar to me, only the only thing was she didn't want to go out............well she did but I've explained it once, and I don't really want to explain it again, if you care here you go # 57 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8036636&postcount=57)

that sounds awfully familiar to me, only the only thing was she....# 57 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8036636&postcount=57)

my advice is for Gnostikos and the others,

You? sorry I cant help you.

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

If you're 13 or under (which you don't sound like) then don't ask her out. If you're 14-16 (which you don't sound like either), you gotta judge on your and her maturities. If you're older than that, I seriously doubt that asking her out will damage your friendship. Breaking up but staying friends is a situation I can't really comment on, but that's something I'd say you have more a potential problem with, and I would think it's even more dependent on your individual personalities.

my advice is for Gnostikos and the others,

You? sorry I cant help you.
I have my situation sorted out, if you couldn't tell from that post

It all makes sense now

Ok More info and I will help you, to the best of my abilities. Info like how long have you known her how much and for what reasons you like her, and if you think she likes you or not

We've only been friends for the better part of a year, but I've seen her around school for a longer time then that. I don't know why I like her, but I think it has to do something with her constant use of the 'F' word, though I don't know why.. :confused:

Unfortunatly, she probably doesn't have the same feelings about me.

We've only been friends for the better part of a year, but I've seen her around school for a longer time then that. I don't know why I like her, but I think it has to do something with her constant use of the 'F' word, though I don't know why.. :confused:

Unfortunatly, she probably doesn't have the same feelings about me.
good friends or just sort of oh hey it's you kind of friends?

I have my situation sorted out, if you couldn't tell from that post# 57 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8036636&postcount=57)

to be honest I did not read more that 2 lines, It was too confusing n complicated.

dating and kissing is simple stuff....natural stuff...

If she says no, you're screwed. She'll avoid you at all costs. But, if you're good friends, she'll probably be willing to go out with you. If it doesn't work, though, you're gonna have the same problem.

Edit: By the way, this sucks for me, too, I'm in the same situation. Only reverse--I'm a girl.


here is what you boys and girls must do,

DO NOT ask him/her out.

Just wait for the rigth situation, preferably if he had a couple beers/joints and is in good happy-happy humor...sneak on him and..KISS HIM!! (or kiss her)...a quik casual kiss...

... just do it (nike).

to be honest I did not read more that 2 lines, It was too confusing n complicated.

dating and kissing is simple stuff....natural stuff...
not offended in any way, It was natural, but both of our lives are whats complicated and why she doesn't want a relationship, if it weren't for that she would want one

good friends or just sort of oh hey it's you kind of friends?

Good friends, definitely.

Good friends, definitely.
how old are both of you, mainly her?

how old are both of you, mainly her?

13, or 14. Don't know for sure. Probably way too young, but the question's been gnawing at me for awhile and I couldn't pass up the chance to ask someone else's opinion.

13, or 14. Don't know for sure. Probably way too young, but the question's been gnawing at me for awhile and I couldn't pass up the chance to ask someone else's opinion.
don't bother then, if she doesn'tlike you, chances are you won't be friends with her afterwards. If there was reason to believe that she liked you i'd say go for it, but chances are she will freak out then

don't bother then, if she doesn'tlike you, chances are you won't be friends with her afterwards. If there was reason to believe that she liked you i'd say go for it, but chances are she will freak out then

Gotcha. Thanks for the advice.

Gotcha. Thanks for the advice.
any time

If you're 14-16 (which you don't sound like either), you gotta judge on your and her maturities.
That is what I have finally been able to do. I've thought about it a lot, and have decided that she really wouldn't care too much about turning me down, unless she would feel guilty about hurting me or some such thing. I would like to thank everyone for their advice, I think it helped me think out my situation.

And I turn 16 very soon, but I am fairly anomalous for my age.

That is what I have finally been able to do. I've thought about it a lot, and have decided that she really wouldn't care too much about turning me down, unless she would feel guilty about hurting me or some such thing. I would like to thank everyone for their advice, I think it helped me think out my situation.

And I turn 16 very soon, but I am fairly anomalous for my age.
so are you gonna ask her or not?

so are you gonna ask her or not?
Yes, I am. Or at least I think so. Once I find a good moment, I intend to. Whether I chicken out at the last moment or not is another thing...

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

I know repressing yourself (lying to yourself and your friend) is much worse than any other possible outcome for either your friend or you.

Yes, I am. Or at least I think so. Once I find a good moment, I intend to. Whether I chicken out at the last moment or not is another thing...
good luck then, and I'm kinda curious if you get her or not. I hope you have more luck than I do.

I know repressing yourself (lying to yourself and your friend) is much worse than any other possible outcome for either your friend or you.
Well, I'm not so much repressing myself as oppressing. And I value her friendship so much that even I will never be able to go out with her, I still want to be friends with her. I'va waited three months now, so I can probably last for quite a while. Though I have made the decision to do it...if I can force myself.

good luck then, and I'm kinda curious if you get her or not. I hope you have more luck than I do.
Thank you very much. I wish you the best with your situation as well, which seems a little hairier than mine...

Thank you very much. I wish you the best with your situation as well, which seems a little hairier than mine...
yes, just a little......... thanks BTW

Well, I'm not so much repressing myself as oppressing. And I value her friendship so much that even I will never be able to go out with her, I still want to be friends with her. I'va waited three months now, so I can probably last for quite a while. Though I have made the decision to do it...if I can force myself.

You cant force a heart to lie you can only waste the time it had to be set free.

I'm kinda late in the whole discussion but oh well.

I'm glad you're going to go for it. At the ripe old age of 14, if there's one thing I've learnt it's to take risk, take oppurtunities and to tell people how you feel. The number of times I haven't and have regretted it like hell... If you don't you'll just wish you had and you'll always be wondering if you missed out on something amazing. If you tell her, at least you're being honest and giving the relationship a chance. If you're close friends and both fairly mature, I highly doubt you will wreck the friendship. It may be slightly awkward if she doesn't feel the same way but it's easy enough to overcome. If I can overcome awkwardness, being the socially inadequate person I am, you can too. Well, there's my thoughts on it all.

Good luck with it all. Have you decided what you're going to say? I'd basically tell her what you've told us, tell her the truth and what comes from the heart.

I'm kinda late in the whole discussion but oh well.
That is perfectly fine. I want as many opinions as I can get on this.

If I can overcome awkwardness, being the socially inadequate person I am, you can too. Well, there's my thoughts on it all.
Heh, if I was socially adequate, I wouldn't have to resorty to NS to resolve my social difficulty here.

Good luck with it all. Have you decided what you're going to say? I'd basically tell her what you've told us, tell her the truth and what comes from the heart.
Well, what I've decided is to ask her if she'd like to go out with me somewhere. If she doesn't seem certain or something like that very quickly, I will explain that I value our friendship a lot, and that she shouldn't feel bad about refusing or anything like that.

Heh, if I was socially adequate, I wouldn't have to resorty to NS to resolve my social difficulty here.

Lol, well, I guess this is the place for all socially inadequate people to swap stories and to maybe swap tips on overcoming it :p


Well, what I've decided is to ask her if she'd like to go out with me somewhere. If she doesn't seem certain or something like that very quickly, I will explain that I value our friendship a lot, and that she shouldn't feel bad about refusing or anything like that.

Sounds good to me :) I'd make sure that it's obvious you're asking her out in that way because otherwise it could lead to a bad situation where you have to explain that you meant it as a date... Just a tip.

Let us know how it goes.

I do not think I have ever loathed my protractive nature more than I do now. The girl I'm in love with seems to be warming up to her last boyfriend more than I'd like. And it just so happened that today, or rather yesterday in EST, was the day that I actually tried to ask her out. I was just too afraid. Now I am afraid that my chance might have come and gone faster than I realised. So I am either going to ask her out today or tommorow, or I probably won't get her at all, since if I have to wait another few months it might be too late, for reasons I'd rather not have to get into right now. I just had to rant a little because I am so fecking pissed off at myself and my cowardice that I could hardly concentrate earlier. I feel better now, but I have never regretted procrastinating more than I do right now. And I am not one for exaggerations, I mean it. I am just so goddamned infuriated... :headbang:

I do not think I have ever loathed my protractive nature more than I do now. The girl I'm in love with seems to be warming up to her last boyfriend more than I'd like. And it just so happened that today, or rather yesterday in EST, was the day that I actually tried to ask her out. I was just too afraid. Now I am afraid that my chance might have come and gone faster than I realised. So I am either going to ask her out today or tommorow, or I probably won't get her at all, since if I have to wait another few months it might be too late, for reasons I'd rather not have to get into right now. I just had to rant a little because I am so fecking pissed off at myself and my cowardice that I could hardly concentrate earlier. I feel better now, but I have never regretted procrastinating more than I do right now. And I am not one for exaggerations, I mean it. I am just so goddamned infuriated... :headbang:
I know that feeling too, I won't give the advice I used to over come this fear, because You seem like a nice person, and it might do you more harm than good. so I'll think about it for a bit and se if I can think of a constructive way for you to overcome your fear.

so I'll think about it for a bit and se if I can think of a constructive way for you to overcome your fear.
Thank you, though I personally suspect that it is going to be the pressure of a new potential time limit that might push that out of the way. Unfortunately, I do not know if I will be able break past my barriers of cowardly protection soon enough...

Don't beat yourself up over it so much. It won't help anything. Everyone puts off stuff, everyone gets scared. It's perfectly normal and the best thing to do is work constructivly at moving past this lost chance, overcoming the fear and trying again rather than getting annoyed with yourself.

Set a definite time to do it. Don't leave it vague because otherwise you won't. Try and find a place to be away from distractions. Plan what you'll say in your head. Make sure you feel prepared in whatever way feels right. Calm yourself down beforehand. Or keep busy beforehand, whatever works for you. Keep it short and simple and get it over and done with when you see her. Not 'Hi, wanna go out some time?' but you know what I mean. Don't sit there all evening stressing over it because otherwise you'll let doubts come into your mind and you won't do it. Let any stress out in some way, posting on here, punching a pillow, sleeping... again, whatever works for you. Then you write a list of reasons for doing this. Read it through when you get doubts or run through it in your mind and remember just how much you want this.

Don't think about the mistake you made. Prevent yourself from making another mistake and letting the chance slip.

You don't want to let this go and loose the chance to be with her. It's better to have known you asked her and tried, than to spend forever wondering about what could have been if you'd just asked that simple question. Better to regret something you tried then regret something you were too scared to try.

You can ask her. You will ask her. Think positive. Good luck :)

Edit: This is all just my view and my suggestions that work for me, feel free to ignore or change to suit you better :)

Tell her the truth, that you love just being around her and would really like the chance to date…. see how it goes. After all every girl wants to be loved… just don’t offer your hand in marriage or anything (take it from me, that’s creepy and really frightening even when you’re dating). I’m sure you know you’re too young to be proposing, but I had to say it… just in case.

P.S. – Hope this works out for you because I know what it’s like to be afraid love will ruin the friendship… unfortunately I didn’t take the chance and now it’s gone. So, do as I say and not as I do… ask now.

Well, I think I would've done it today, but she wasn't in school. However, somehow it got around from when I was discussing this with another friend of mine that I was intending on asking her out. Even though it was probably common knowledge before, it is out in the open now. I had several comments today regarding that, totally unexpected. I hope she's in tommorow, so that I can get this over with!

Don't beat yourself up over it so much. It won't help anything. Everyone puts off stuff, everyone gets scared. It's perfectly normal and the best thing to do is work constructivly at moving past this lost chance, overcoming the fear and trying again rather than getting annoyed with yourself.
I have managed to do that. I do not dwell on things like that, similar to how I can't hold grudges. The past is the past. I should learn as best I can from it, and move on. Though I am really bad at learning from mistakes, unfortunately... Nihilism is a very useful philosophy at times like this, just to add.

Set a definite time to do it. Don't leave it vague because otherwise you won't. Try and find a place to be away from distractions. Plan what you'll say in your head. Make sure you feel prepared in whatever way feels right. Calm yourself down beforehand. Or keep busy beforehand, whatever works for you. Keep it short and simple and get it over and done with when you see her. Not 'Hi, wanna go out some time?' but you know what I mean. Don't sit there all evening stressing over it because otherwise you'll let doubts come into your mind and you won't do it. Let any stress out in some way, posting on here, punching a pillow, sleeping... again, whatever works for you.
Thank you. That's all good advice.

You don't want to let this go and loose the chance to be with her. It's better to have known you asked her and tried, than to spend forever wondering about what could have been if you'd just asked that simple question. Better to regret something you tried then regret something you were too scared to try.
True, very true. However, that doesn't help my cowardice much.

You can ask her. You will ask her. Think positive. Good luck :)
Ok...

Edit: This is all just my view and my suggestions that work for me, feel free to ignore or change to suit you better :)
No, please offer as much advice as you have. At least it helps me get things thought out in my mind.

Tell her the truth, that you love just being around her and would really like the chance to date…. see how it goes.
Aha! I think that was actually very helpful in my phraseology when I do ask. Or is there a problem with asking like that?

After all every girl wants to be loved… just don’t offer your hand in marriage or anything (take it from me, that’s creepy and really frightening even when you’re dating). I’m sure you know you’re too young to be proposing, but I had to say it… just in case.
:D Thanks for the advice, better to be safe than sorry, but you don't have to worry about that.

P.S. – Hope this works out for you because I know what it’s like to be afraid love will ruin the friendship… unfortunately I didn’t take the chance and now it’s gone. So, do as I say and not as I do… ask now.
Nothing like strong anecdotal evidence like this to help me kick myself in the rear!

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

Yeah, I've got this girl who I really would love to go out with but I don't want to ruin the friendship. She's really beautiful and pretty smart.
Same goes, do I make a move this valentines day?

Well, I haven't done so yet, but I also haven't gotten a good opportunity since Tuesday. I'm going to try and see if I can coerce myself next time I spot a good moment.

Same goes, do I make a move this valentines day?
Yes. That is what I've decided, and I advise the same for you.

I think I will actually do it tommorow, assuming she is where I expect to be when I do. I've so far had to good chances, one last week and one today, and I blew them both. I swear, I got really close today. But I was having such an interesting conversation, that I didn't want to interrupt. And I was so nervous that I was quite weak all over after she left (we were both walking somewhere, and our paths split). Out of pure anxiety. But I hope that tommorow I'll be able to finally coerce myself.

Sorry, just had to say that somewhere.

I think I will actually do it tommorow, assuming she is where I expect to be when I do. I've so far had to good chances, one last week and one today, and I blew them both. I swear, I got really close today. But I was having such an interesting conversation, that I didn't want to interrupt. And I was so nervous that I was quite weak all over after she left (we were both walking somewhere, and our paths split). Out of pure anxiety. But I hope that tommorow I'll be able to finally coerce myself.

Sorry, just had to say that somewhere.
and thats the great downfall, "I'll ask next time"

Is there anyone in r/l you can tell who can 'force' you into doing it? Because if you just have yourself, you're more likely to say 'oh I'll ask next time'. With someone else they can argue back.

Just a thought.

and thats the great downfall, "I'll ask next time"
Well, that might be, but when I truly want something I will get it sooner or later. As I did. I came over my cowardice and asked her out today. Her response was "Sure." Which, I admit, made me feel pretty good, and I handled myself very well. I was kind of detached, and it really didn't seem real. I asked her, and she accepted, and it all happened so fast and I really don't see how I remained composed. But I handled it pretty cooly, and now have a date. Yes, a self-indulgent post. But I don't really give a rat's ass! :p

Well, that might be, but when I truly want something I will get it sooner or later. As I did. I came over my cowardice and asked her out today. Her response was "Sure." Which, I admit, made me feel pretty good, and I handled myself very well. I was kind of detached, and it really didn't seem real. I asked her, and she accepted, and it all happened so fast and I really don't see how I remained composed. But I handled it pretty cooly, and now have a date. Yes, a self-indulgent post. But I don't really give a rat's ass! :p
YYYYYYYYEEESSSSS!!!!!

*leaps for joy*

The title isn't completely accurate, but hopefully was attention-grabbing. What I've been wondering is if sexual attraction might damage a relationship. What inspired this is that there is a girl I'm in love with (though not desperately...yet), and I'd like to ask her out, but not if that endangers my friendship with her. I won't be too put off if she rejects me, I really enjoy just being around her, but if I ask her and she says no, will she be reluctant to be around me?

I know the NS fora probably aren't the best place to ask this, but you're all I've got!

I had a huge crush on a guy in high school. ANd I mean head-over-heels huge. I was worried about saying anything because it might cause weirdness/break up our friendship, etc.

When I finally told him (and had I told him earlier, we might actually have had a chance for a relationship btw), he was fine with it, although he didn't want to pursue it. We ended up being better friends for having that kind of out there in the open. 6 years later he is still one of my best friends - and actually is the reason I met my boyfriend of 3 years.

Well, that might be, but when I truly want something I will get it sooner or later. As I did. I came over my cowardice and asked her out today. Her response was "Sure." Which, I admit, made me feel pretty good, and I handled myself very well. I was kind of detached, and it really didn't seem real. I asked her, and she accepted, and it all happened so fast and I really don't see how I remained composed. But I handled it pretty cooly, and now have a date. Yes, a self-indulgent post. But I don't really give a rat's ass! :p

Yippee!

I had a huge crush on a guy in high school. ANd I mean head-over-heels huge. I was worried about saying anything because it might cause weirdness/break up our friendship, etc.
That was my intial worry. However, after I thought about it some, I decided she really wouldn't care about something like that.

Well, that might be, but when I truly want something I will get it sooner or later. As I did. I came over my cowardice and asked her out today. Her response was "Sure." Which, I admit, made me feel pretty good, and I handled myself very well. I was kind of detached, and it really didn't seem real. I asked her, and she accepted, and it all happened so fast and I really don't see how I remained composed. But I handled it pretty cooly, and now have a date. Yes, a self-indulgent post. But I don't really give a rat's ass! :p
good job