NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, in all seriousness this is about "girl problems." No, not "those" ones. I'm a guy, and my girlfriend kinda got pissed at me.

Tried alot of different things, stuff that many girls that I know said "awww" and many guys who I hang out with said "HAHA!", with two repeating the "awww" things.

So, seeing how tonight is Friday and being for some sort of odd reason I have this idea in my head where she most likely won't want to go with me to the "usual places", I decided to declare an emergency! I need help, dag nabbit.

I doubt the problem will do anything to help you people help me, and I'm almost sure nobody will even bother to post actual help or ideas. I tried being creative and doing what I thought would help, but I'm a dumbass. My ideas sucked and they obviously didn't work.

I am open to all ideas.

So....maybe somebody on NS can help?

ok, what is your problem? SUMMURIZE

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.
oh yeah being against smoking is COMPLETELY idiotic, dunno why anyone would be against it :rolleyes:

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.
leave her alone for like a uhh month yeah, then hope your a smooth talker or quit smoking, which i would fucking advise any damn way,

She's a bitch, forget about her. If a single cigarette does that to her, I doubt you'll want to be around when you actually do something wrong.

Well, she doesn't want you to smoke, that is what it is.

Whatever you do, don't buy her more than one rose. It's romantic and more than one is saying "i'm rich, have sex with me." Buy her a box of chocolates and tie the rose to with golden ribbon. Don't call her, show up at her house and look really ashamed of what happened, you sound like you already are. Ask her to forgive you, it's your fault no matter what and she'll like that you are feeling so bad about it, as you should be. Hand her the box of candy and ask her if she wants to go get some food at a nice place (not expensive!). If she says no, thank her for her time and apologize again then walk away.

I never smoked except like last year, then I quit. Then I was with my friend and gave into temptation.

And she's not a bitch, don't even say that shit.

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.
So she's pissed because you smoked? I would have said sorry and then said something like 'it's my right but since you don't like it I'll stop' or whatever. Maybe save that for friendlier times. Has she had any family suffer from smoking/people she knew or knows? If so, big mistake there.

Was it one cigarette she went off the deep end about? Or smoking after she's repeatedly stated that she hates it?

If she's that controlling and unable to forgive/compromise, do you REALLY want to remain in a relationship?

either give up smoking or give up the girl

Whatever you do, don't buy her more than one rose. It's romantic and more than one is saying "i'm rich, have sex with me." Buy her a box of chocolates and tie the rose to with golden ribbon. Don't call her, show up at her house and look really ashamed of what happened, you sound like you already are. Ask her to forgive you, it's your fault no matter what and she'll like that you are feeling so bad about it, as you should be. Hand her the box of candy and ask her if she wants to go get some food at a nice place (not expensive!). If she says no, thank her for her time and apologize again then walk away.


Here's exactly what I did last night: Bought one white rose and walked to her house...

Arrived, rang the door bell and handed it to her and said "I'm sorry, I swear it will never happen again. I love you, trust me. I don't want this to end. Please."

Now, mind you, I'm out in the snow. I even got on my knees. Froze my ass off. Ok, so she doesn't smile. Doesn't react really.

Go back later, burnt two packs of cigarettes in the street and apologized again...

Tell her you were wrong, that you'll never, ever smoke again, that you shouldn't even have smoked in the first place, and break down crying and beg for forgiveness.

[I'm serious.]

Or was this the thing that made the bunch of guys you hang out with go "HAHA!"?

(edit) Okay, looking at the above post, I'm guessing you tried that.

Was it one cigarette she went off the deep end about? Or smoking after she's repeatedly stated that she hates it?

If she's that controlling and unable to forgive/compromise, do you REALLY want to remain in a relationship?

Well, I think her father died because of lung cancer, but not to sure. Touchy subject, ya know?

And yes, I want to remain in a relationship. I seriously care so much about her.

It doesn't matter what you do, the flowers or dinner or roses or any of that crap, your focus should be on convincing her you aren't going to do it again. Even if it means taking any cigarette and lighter you have and handing them over.

Tell her you were wrong, that you'll never, ever smoke again, that you shouldn't even have smoked in the first place, and break down crying and beg for forgiveness.

[I'm serious.]

Or was this the thing that made the bunch of guys you hang out with go "HAHA!"?

The rose and stuff made them go haha...then I laughed at them because they've never had a girl for more than two weeks. :p

Here's exactly what I did last night: Bought one white rose and walked to her house...

Arrived, rang the door bell and handed it to her and said "I'm sorry, I swear it will never happen again. I love you, trust me. I don't want this to end. Please."

Now, mind you, I'm out in the snow. I even got on my knees. Froze my ass off. Ok, so she doesn't smile. Doesn't react really.

Go back later, burnt two packs of cigarettes in the street and apologized again...
shes a loony, forget it. or if you insist, wait like a month still

Stop buying ciggs and burning them dude, it's symbolic. Not much you can do about it though. Don't over apologize. Try to write her a letter, not email! Make it express what you did, why you did it, the fact you hate it, and that you wish you hadn't.

I don't think this is something to laugh about, in all honesty. Smoking can be a cause of tension between couples who have been together a long time, so it's not just some high schooler's squabble.

I think what you need to do is talk to your girlfriend. You might say something like, "look, I really think we need to talk about this," and then tell her you understand her anti-smoking stance. But you also are going to have to have a frank discussion with her about the fact that you smoked that one time and you stopped because it's something you wanted to do for you.

Hopefully, the two of you can talk things over and at least agree that you won't smoke around her or you won't smoke in enclosed areas or something of the sort. Maybe eventually you'll decide that smoking's just not worth the risks and all the negativity and you'll give it up. But there's also the possibility that she's not going to want to be in a relationship with a smoker. I can't know how she would handle things since I'm not in her place, but be prepared for the possibilities.

I am a fervent anti-smoker myself and my father and I have had our share of arguments about his smoking until he quit about a year or so ago. I figured if you're going to be getting advice from me, you should know a little bit about where I stand on the smoking issue.

It doesn't matter what you do, the flowers or dinner or roses or any of that crap, your focus should be on convincing her you aren't going to do it again. Even if it means taking any cigarette and lighter you have and handing them over.

I burnt all cigs and I don't have a lighter....I used my friends that one time because I haven't smoked in like a year until now. And I won't do it again...

I burnt all cigs and I don't have a lighter....I used my friends that one time because I haven't smoked in like a year until now. And I won't do it again...

I believe ya, but like I said, you got to get her to believe ya too.

So, she flew off the handle for just "one little thing" and now you're trying to be all nice to get her to forgive you, right? Welcome to the world of men.

First thing, you are being tested. She wants to see how much she can yank your chain. I'm sorry to say you have so far flunked the test.

Second thing, you want her back? Stop trying to get her back. Just call and say "OK, I'm going to (wherever), in case you're not mad at me anymore." Maybe she'll still take you.

If she won't then forget her and move on.

I don't think this is something to laugh about, in all honesty. Smoking can be a cause of tension between couples who have been together a long time, so it's not just some high schooler's squabble.

I think what you need to do is talk to your girlfriend. You might say something like, "look, I really think we need to talk about this," and then tell her you understand her anti-smoking stance. But you also are going to have to have a frank discussion with her about the fact that you are a smoker and that you won't be able to stop unless it's something you want to do for you.

Hopefully, the two of you can talk things over and at least agree that you won't smoke around her or you won't smoke in enclosed areas or something of the sort. Maybe eventually you'll decide that smoking's just not worth the risks and all the negativity and you'll give it up. But there's also the possibility that she's not going to want to be in a relationship with a smoker. I can't know how she would handle things since I'm not in her place, but be prepared for the possibilities.

I am a fervent anti-smoker myself and my father and I have had our share of arguments about his smoking until he quit about a year or so ago. I figured if you're going to be getting advice from me, you should know a little bit about where I stand on the smoking issue.


I'm not a smoker. I quit a year ago, and just had one cigarette.

Well, I think her father died because of lung cancer, but not to sure. Touchy subject, ya know?

And yes, I want to remain in a relationship. I seriously care so much about her.
That is your problem. You're screwed, you should have known better.

I edited my response because I saw the later stuff (that you only did it the one time after giving up on it previously).

I am convinced more than ever that you need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend. I think she's overreacting.

Did she explain to you why she did not want you to smoke. Or was this totally out of the blue?

I agree with the above post, her reaction was not appropriate if she wanted you to stop smoking.

So, she flew off the handle for just "one little thing" and now you're trying to be all nice to get her to forgive you, right? Welcome to the world of men.

First thing, you are being tested. She wants to see how much she can yank your chain. I'm sorry to say you have so far flunked the test.

Second thing, you want her back? Stop trying to get her back. Just call and say "OK, I'm going to (wherever), in case you're not mad at me anymore." Maybe she'll still take you.

If she won't then forget her and move on.

I've been in the "world of men" for sometime now. It's not a test, I'm sure of that. She's upset...I'm in "the circle" with all of her friends because they've been my friends for sometime to.

And I can't just forget her. It's not like Romeo and Juliet where Romeo just dumps Rosaline because she won't screw him and then "falls in love" with Juliet at first kiss.

Did she explain to you why she did not want you to smoke. Or was this totally out of the blue?

I agree with the above post, her reaction was not appropriate if she wanted you to stop smoking.

Well, no she didn't explain really. But I do think her father died of lung cancer caused by smoking, so maybe I just hit the wrong nerve...

Buy her some colts. Then she will not be really "smoking" and she will taste like tobacco and crappy rum...

So, she flew off the handle for just "one little thing" and now you're trying to be all nice to get her to forgive you, right? Welcome to the world of men.

First thing, you are being tested. She wants to see how much she can yank your chain. I'm sorry to say you have so far flunked the test.

Second thing, you want her back? Stop trying to get her back. Just call and say "OK, I'm going to (wherever), in case you're not mad at me anymore." Maybe she'll still take you.

If she won't then forget her and move on.


I disagree with the first thing. I don't believe he is being tested. And what do you mean he is failing?

Stick drugs in her drink at school when she isn't looking, and when she's dopey, lead her to say things that you can hold against her if she tries to pull a stunt like this again.

or...

break up with her, by getting into a full blown yelling match and end the thing by lighting a cigarette, than putting out the butt on her forehead.

Classic.

:p

Buy her some colts. Then she will not be really "smoking" and she will taste like tobacco and crappy rum...

Colts? What the hell is a colt?

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

Quit smoking? Or at least, quit smoking around her? (Yeah, dumb suggestions, I know. Sorry. :()

Stick drugs in her drink at school when she isn't looking, and when she's dopey, lead her to say things that you can hold against her if she tries to pull a stunt like this again.

or...

break up with her, by getting into a full blown yelling match and end the thing by lighting a cigarette, than putting out the butt on her forehead.

Classic.

:p

Wow....your either trying to be funny or your a real woman hater.

Quit smoking? Or at least, quit smoking around her? (Yeah, dumb suggestions, I know. Sorry. :()

I don't smoke! I did last year, I've said this so many times...I quit, then did ONE.

So, she flew off the handle for just "one little thing" and now you're trying to be all nice to get her to forgive you, right? Welcome to the world of men.

First thing, you are being tested. She wants to see how much she can yank your chain. I'm sorry to say you have so far flunked the test.

Second thing, you want her back? Stop trying to get her back. Just call and say "OK, I'm going to (wherever), in case you're not mad at me anymore." Maybe she'll still take you.

If she won't then forget her and move on.
i have to agree.

be a man. you made a mistake, admitted it, corrected it. now its time for her to STFU about it.

quit crawling, it will only make your future life with her HELL. let her know that you are DONE making up. its her turn to decide if she wants to continue with you or not. if she does, this thing must be behind you (its not such a big deal really now is it). no more of this torturing you.

i know you feel weak but act strong. you wont regret it (if she breaks with you because of this, she would have found some other reason down the line)

Not a white rose. White rose is like white chocolate...you get it when you don't really care. Pink if you're sincere, and red says "I love you"

Trust me, I'm a girl, I know these things.

Well, no she didn't explain really. But I do think her father died of lung cancer caused by smoking, so maybe I just hit the wrong nerve...

Ya, that is huge, what happened to her father. If you can somehow console her and carefully tell her that you understand how she feels and for that reason you will try your hardest to quit. This is an extremely delicate issue, step lightly.

Not a white rose. White rose is like white chocolate...you get it when you don't really care. Pink if you're sincere, and red says "I love you"

Trust me, I'm a girl, I know these things.

See? This is what I need to learn...

I think you are going to the wrong place for advice. Relationship problems are like war. Sure there are all the strategies and conventional wisdoms and rules and crap, but when it comes down to it, each battle is unique and all the strategies and conventional wisdoms and rules and crap mean nothing. Sorry I can't help ya man, but this is a sticky situation, and some people here aren't the greatest advisors.

Here's exactly what I did last night: Bought one white rose and walked to her house...

Arrived, rang the door bell and handed it to her and said "I'm sorry, I swear it will never happen again. I love you, trust me. I don't want this to end. Please."

Now, mind you, I'm out in the snow. I even got on my knees. Froze my ass off. Ok, so she doesn't smile. Doesn't react really.

Go back later, burnt two packs of cigarettes in the street and apologized again...

It's been said before, but:

If a single cigarette provoked that sort of reaction in the first place, she's either not as invested as you are or she's got some other issues.

If this sort of apology/effort to set things right provoked no reaction, she's either not as invested as you are or she's got some other issues.

You haven't done anything else shitty? Because the cigarette sounds more like an excuse for something else than the straw that broke the camel's back.

I think you are going to the wrong place for advice. Relationship problems are like war. Sure there are all the strategies and conventional wisdoms and rules and crap, but when it comes down to it, each battle is unique and all the strategies and conventional wisdoms and rules and crap mean nothing. Sorry I can't help ya man, but this is a sticky situation, and some people here aren't the greatest advisors.

I'm just trying to get anybody's views on this, maybe some good ideas. I've asked some of my friends and some of the girl-friends...

i have to agree.

be a man. you made a mistake, admitted it, corrected it. now its time for her to STFU about it.

quit crawling, it will only make your future life with her HELL. let her know that you are DONE making up. its her turn to decide if she wants to continue with you or not. if she does, this thing must be behind you (its not such a big deal really now is it). no more of this torturing you.

i know you feel weak but act strong. you wont regret it (if she breaks with you because of this, she would have found some other reason down the line)

I'm not a relationships expert, but from my layman's point of view, that is a bit of disastrous advice.

It's been said before, but:

If a single cigarette provoked that sort of reaction in the first place, she's either not as invested as you are or she's got some other issues.

If this sort of apology/effort to set things right provoked no reaction, she's either not as invested as you are or she's got some other issues.

You haven't done anything else shitty? Because the cigarette sounds more like an excuse for something else than the straw that broke the camel's back.

I have no clue....as far as I can tell I haven't done anything. I haven't busted the ice besides now.

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

first of all, i'm against smoking myself and i advice you to quit as it is very unhealthy.

Now, it's a bit natural for her to be shocked to find out you smoke. She is your girlfriend yet she didn't know this about you and she believes smoking is unhealthy (and maybe that teenagers smoke to be though?). Wait for her and you too cool down a bit (looks like this stage is over) so that both of you can talk reasonable about it. I don't think roses and things like it will help.

Talk to her in a 'good way'. Don't start defending yourself, but don't say you are sorry for smoking either. Apologise for not telling her before that you smoke, ask her about her feelings when she saw you smoking. Explain why you smoke (if you have a reason) and ask her about her stance. Try to see things from her point of view. Whatever you do, don't raise your voice, don't get defensive when she explains why smoking is bad. If what she said convinced you that you don't smoke for a good reason, tell her that and quit; if it didn't convince you, tell her that you won't quit, but that if she doesn't want you smoking around her, you won't do this.

PS: she was/is probably a bit shocked. I know quiet a few girls that have at some point during their relationships found out something about their friend that they didn't like and more important didn't know about.

I agree with the people who took the "forget her" stance. If she's picky enough to screech about something which you did once and apologized profusely for, it might be time you sought a more laid back partner.

I'm just trying to get anybody's views on this, maybe some good ideas. I've asked some of my friends and some of the girl-friends...

I understand, you have actually gotten a few pointers, but this my little argument there was after I saw a couple REALLY bad ideas, I think you know which ones.

You never realy quit smoking. You may not do it for a while but just like a drunk whent the chips are down you'll light up. I know, it happens to me all the time.

If you were sincere with your appoligy and she had no reaction to it, I'd have to say it's time to start shopping for a new woman.

Damn I wish this thing had a spell check option!

I agree with the people who took the "forget her" stance. If she's picky enough to screech about something which you did once and apologized profusely for, it might be time you sought a more laid back partner.

Ugh. Fine, I'll go into detail.

16. Some people say its a young age, immature? No, usually most of my friends are pretty mature. We may still be "growing up", but I know alot. Hell, I just got back from meeting with one of the Board of Education supervisors and I knew more than he did.

Also, my girlfriend is my love. I honestly love her. I bet I'll hear somebody say "your 16 you dont know what love is". Yes, I do. I know I do, especially now. Some of the NS people have seen a picture of her or actually talked with her online while I was at her house or doing something and she was on my AIM screenname. They always think she is nice and very beautiful.

Now, I must say I look like quite the "nerd" or "geek." I don't disagree with people who say that. So obviously looks weren't considered as a massive thing when I asked her out and she said yes.

It's nearing 3 months now that we've dated, and I am sure I love her and care for her as much as I do for a family member or what some of you care for your wives.

I can't just leave her and move on and forget about it. Some of you don't understand this, but I know in my heart I would never, ever be able to do that.

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

You have a smart girl. Dont smoke, its pointless. Basically apologize your ass off to her, tell her you'll never do it again(and mean it) and hopefully she'll forgive you. Its a pretty simple problem, you have a good woman who is looking out for your health. You would be best to listen to her Witzgall.

You have a smart girl. Dont smoke, its pointless. Basically apologize your ass off to her, tell her you'll never do it again(and mean it) and hopefully she'll forgive you. Its a pretty simple problem, you have a good woman who is looking out for your health. You would be best to listen to her Witzgall.

And I have. I won't smoke ever, and I did quit. I hadn't touched a cigarette since December 6th, 2003. Then I was a dumbass yesterday and smoked...

She might be testing you.. Subconciously every girl does that to a guy she really loves. Every SINGLE one. She wants to know how much you care... and how far you're willing to go. The box with a single rose idea was awesome. It'd make my heart melt! But say to her that you sorry. Say something to the effect of "I love you and one cigarette isn't worth losing the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm sorry" Tell her you stopped smoking (I'd advise to actually stop)(completely) and it's important to ask for her forgiveness. Very important

I've been in the "world of men" for sometime now. It's not a test, I'm sure of that. She's upset...I'm in "the circle" with all of her friends because they've been my friends for sometime to.


I've been in the "world of men" for as long as you have been alive, and believe me, she's testing you. If you had said to her, as soon as she starting to throw her fit "look, I see you're upset but I already said this is a one off and I don't plan to start smoking. If you want to go on about it, go ahead, but I think you're being ridiculous and unfair." she would have toned it down immediately and looked at you with much more respect.

But if you're willing to be treated like a dog, I'm almost sure she is thinking "gee, I wonder how low he will go and what else I can make him do". I'm not trying to imply that she's mean, or that all women think like that, but when you're in a relationship people try to get an upper hand now and then, especially when you're still learning. She's not doing it conciously, though, it's a human thing.

EDIT: She might also be thinking "OMG! What the heck is he doing!!! This is waaay too much!" and be freaked out or undecided as how she should react.

You can still tell her that she's being unfair and childish, and that if she doesn't want to see you anymore over such a little thing then that's ok with you, because what you want is an understanding woman who can share stuff with you, then you go on your way. That may work if it's not too late.

And I can't just forget her. It's not like Romeo and Juliet where Romeo just dumps Rosaline because she won't screw him and then "falls in love" with Juliet at first kiss.

I know it's not easy, and feels like being beaten in the gut and then having your internal organs removed. But then you go out, start living again, meet other people, a couple of years later you look back and wonder "gee, what was all the fuss about?"

But you just have to move on if it comes to that. After a few times you realize it's not the end of the world.

I called her and left a message on her cell saying "Trish, it's Matt. I just want to ask you if maybe we can talk this out? I didn't mean what I did, it was foolish and I'm sorry. I love you."

I'm trying my hardest with this thing, I truly am...

Hmm... only take this route if you believe it. Really, because if you don't and it's phoney, then it's never gonna be meaningful. If you aren't genuine, any of your attempts to reconcile will just make it worse.

Instead of groveling, go and thank her.

Thank her for caring enough about you and your health to get so angry with you about smoking. Thank her for the wake up call, and that her reaction made you realize that what, at the time seemed like a harmless little thing to do, was really important and the fact that she got so angry made you realize how much you care about her.

If she continues to blow you off after you've made a reasonable effort to apologize and show her how much you love her, then you may need to settle for hurting for a little while and moving on. I have no doubt that you care about her. If it's time to move on, learn from this relationship and make the next one better.

*ponders* Teen girl... Teen guy...

*shakes my head*

It has been years since i have been there but I know that even now there are times I just kinda go off the handle... Sometimes you guys just gotta let us women be mad... we get over it... So let her be mad for a few days... go ahead and make overtures that you are there to talk about it but don't go overboard...

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

Smoking is stupid, if you're asking me. While alcohol (which I support), and pot (which I do not support) are mood enhancers - so they have a point, to enhance your mood basically.

But cigarettes are simply pointless. They don't really enhance your mood, and they make you cough big time.

That's just for opinion, though.
Try to sort it out between the two of you, if you really love each other you'll manage to sort it out.

Also, my girlfriend is my love. I honestly love her. I bet I'll hear somebody say "your 16 you dont know what love is". Yes, I do. I know I do, especially now. Some of the NS people have seen a picture of her or actually talked with her online while I was at her house or doing something and she was on my AIM screenname. They always think she is nice and very beautiful.

Ok, so, you love her. Fine, I believe you. Does that mean she's the only woman you are capable of ever loving? Or is she the only woman who will ever love you?

You can bet your nicotin stained :) fingers that the answer to both is no.

Smoking is stupid, if you're asking me. While alcohol (which I support), and pot (which I do not support) are mood enhancers - so they have a point, to enhance your mood basically.

But cigarettes are simply pointless. They don't really enhance your mood, and they make you cough big time.

That's just for opinion, though.
Try to sort it out between the two of you, if you really love each other you'll manage to sort it out.

Cigs don't make you cough. All those videos saying your first one will make you gag...those are BS.

It's illegal for me to drink or smoke (anything), being that I am in the United States. But obviously I don't care for laws...

And I want to work this out as best as humanly possible, and I'm trying to understand her point of view as much as possible.

I won't smoke EVER...

Ok, so, you love her. Fine, I believe you. Does that mean she's the only woman you are capable of ever loving? Or is she the only woman who will ever love you?

You can bet your nicotin stained :) fingers that the answer to both is no.

Nicotene stained fingers? It was ONE cigarette. Doesn't anyone hear me when I say that? One, single, cigarette. And no, I'm sure your right. But still....I can't just drop her and move on...

any more comments or ideas?

any more comments or ideas?

If you were on your knees on her porch, you've already put the bulk of your cards on the table. You're still on speaking terms with this girl, right? Make it clear that you aren't smoking again, that this was one cigarette. Ask her if a single cigarette bothered her that much. If she says yes, then you've solved the problem as long as you really stop smoking. If she says no, then you've got a window to ask what the issue was.

If you were on your knees on her porch, you've already put the bulk of your cards on the table. You're still on speaking terms with this girl, right? Make it clear that you aren't smoking again, that this was one cigarette. Ask her if a single cigarette bothered her that much. If she says yes, then you've solved the problem as long as you really stop smoking. If she says no, then you've got a window to ask what the issue was.

Well most likely she's either at a friends house right now or doing something else like homework...

I'll most likely go to her house again and see if she wants to talk to me...and tonight is Friday, so maybe I'll see her.

Well most likely she's either at a friends house right now or doing something else like homework...

I'll most likely go to her house again and see if she wants to talk to me...and tonight is Friday, so maybe I'll see her.

Or you could wait until you run into each other. Seems less crazy.

Or you could wait until you run into each other. Seems less crazy.

Yeah, he runs the risk of looking a bit creepy if he keeps on turning up at her house. But then again, he also runs the risk of seeming disinterested if he just waits until they run into each other.

I wish you luck, Witzgall.

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

You also said her father might've died of lung cancer. If you knew that knowledge already or had talked with her about it or even offered her support when she was sad, etc. then you're probably going to be in the dog house for a while...

You also said her father might've died of lung cancer. If you knew that knowledge already or had talked with her about it or even offered her support when she was sad, etc. then you're probably going to be in the dog house for a while...

I didn't know of it, but her friend did mention it to me today in class that her father had died of something caused by smoking. So I had no knowledge of that when I did smoke.

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

Wow, my girlfriend always tries to get me to smoke.

I didn't know of it, but her friend did mention it to me today in class that her father had died of something caused by smoking. So I had no knowledge of that when I did smoke.
How long have you guys been dating? Because if she never talked about that with you and you've been together a while, then she needs to lay off.

How long have you guys been dating? Because if she never talked about that with you and you've been together a while, then she needs to lay off.

Not too long, less than half a year really...3 months about.

Not too long, less than half a year really...3 months about.

Are you sure there's no other possible reason why she may have been angry at you? Are you sure that nobody told her a rumour about you or anything along those lines?

Are you sure there's no other possible reason why she may have been angry at you? Are you sure that nobody told her a rumour about you or anything along those lines?
Excellent point.

Are you sure there's no other possible reason why she may have been angry at you? Are you sure that nobody told her a rumour about you or anything along those lines?

Oh god damnit. I thought of something...

My ex is kind of a....er...how do you say psycho without being mean? Anyway, she called Trish a slut once, and I hate her forever more. I would hope she didn't get to her or something and spread some wierd rumor or some crazy shit...

Well, I leave in an hour...being that it is nearing 7 PM here in New Jersey...I hope to see her then.

My ex is kind of a....er...how do you say psycho without being mean? Anyway, she called Trish a slut once, and I hate her forever more. I would hope she didn't get to her or something and spread some wierd rumor or some crazy shit...


Well, I wouldn't advise having a confrontation about it. Cigarettes still seem to be the main reason. Also, I guess that your mutual friends would have told you about it by now, if that was the case.

Kill her, your family, and then yourself.

I'd say forget about it. But then again I don't love people.

Dude, I only got pissed when my ex swore to me that he wouldn't - and then he did. A trust situation, I suppose. Whole different ball game. If she's messing with your emotional health more than she's helping it, I'd say get out. Otherwise you're prolly going to end up not liking who you are when you're with her. And 3 months isn't very long.

Love is gods greatest gift. If you ever experience it in its true form, embrace it and keep hold.

Dude, I only got pissed when my ex swore to me that he wouldn't - and then he did. A trust situation, I suppose. Whole different ball game. If she's messing with your emotional health more than she's helping it, I'd say get out. Otherwise you're prolly going to end up not liking who you are when you're with her. And 3 months isn't very long.

I know 3 months isn't long, I said its been a short time. And I'm myself when I'm around her, I wouldn't be any other way. I can't confine myself to a lie of a lifestyle, it just doesn't work...

Well, hopefully I can talk to her tonight and fix things up. And besides this, I'm overall depressed because of that damn Board of Education guy being a dumbass...I knew more than he did on the subject we discussed.

Love is gods greatest gift. If you ever experience it in its true form, embrace it and keep hold.

And what if I'm an Atheist or Agnostic? Any advice there...?

I know 3 months isn't long, I said its been a short time. And I'm myself when I'm around her, I wouldn't be any other way. I can't confine myself to a lie of a lifestyle, it just doesn't work...

Well, hopefully I can talk to her tonight and fix things up. And besides this, I'm overall depressed because of that damn Board of Education guy being a dumbass...I knew more than he did on the subject we discussed.
Kick him!

Actually, in all seriousness, do some push ups. I got another NS guy to do them and he said it actually helps. ;)

Kick him!

Actually, in all seriousness, do some push ups. I got another NS guy to do them and he said it actually helps. ;)

...pushups? How do they help?

Being a 16 year old girl myself and aginst smoking i would do the same if my boyfriend had done it tell her your sorry and promise to never to it again and mean it (that is if you care enough about her to give it up).

Helps to relieve tension and stress. Don't you ever feel better after a workout, even if it's only push ups? Also it's good for your body, of course! And gets your mind somewhat focused on other things. Try 50 and see what happens. ;)

Just out of curiosity, did your ex know that you smoked? If she did, she could have told your current girlfriend. Then, it would seem like said ex knew more about you than she did. And I'm not sure if I speak for my entire gender here, but we hate not knowing something. That, in addition to the cigs, the fact that her dad died of something smoking related, and the fact that you were breaking the law and all might have contributed.

The groveling, the rose, that sort of thing could also be taken in the way that you were just trying something cliche and quick to appologize. Personally, I thought they were sweet, but hey. I've been told I'm an aberation among the female kind, so...

The phone message, if it sounded genuine, was nice though. That ought to help. And whoever suggested a letter was dead on--letters are the most romantic things. I love getting them.

I wish you luck there. You seem like a decent boyfriend, and all.

Relationship problems are like war. Sure there are all the strategies and conventional wisdoms and rules and crap, but when it comes down to it, each battle is unique and all the strategies and conventional wisdoms and rules and crap mean nothing.
I take it you haven't read Sun Tzu's The Art of War. If you get a good translation, then it turns out that it is pretty much applicable universally.

I called her and left a message on her cell saying "Trish, it's Matt. I just want to ask you if maybe we can talk this out? I didn't mean what I did, it was foolish and I'm sorry. I love you."

I'm trying my hardest with this thing, I truly am...
Keep in mind not to say "I love you" too much. It can get redundant and lose meaning if overused.

Smoking is stupid, if you're asking me. While alcohol (which I support), and pot (which I do not support) are mood enhancers - so they have a point, to enhance your mood basically.
Tobacco pretty much is strictly a mood enhancer. Alcohol and marijuana each have other effects besides mood elevation, or at least that's what I've seen in drunk and high people. But tobacco does not have those other effects, it only makes you feel good and relaxes your nerves. And alcohol is much worse for you than marijuana, with so many less deleterious effects.

Cigs don't make you cough. All those videos saying your first one will make you gag...those are BS.

It's illegal for me to drink or smoke (anything), being that I am in the United States. But obviously I don't care for laws...
First of all, pretty much any smoke makes me cough. Second-hand smoke makes me cough, so I am pretty sure a straight drag would be even worse for me. It probably depends on the person and how much smoke they've been around. And I believe it's legal to smoke below 18 in the U.S., just not purchase, since parental consent is assumed if you're smoking tobacco.

And what if I'm an Atheist or Agnostic? Any advice there...?
Applies universally. Love is bestowed upon humans by nature, and, evolutionally speaking, should be one of the most desirable things for any human, for reproductive purposes.

And, finally, as people have said before, don't grovel. Show remorse and regret, but don't be so spineless.

The problem is not cigarettes or your girlfriend's hyper-sensitivity but your own lack conviction -- and this is what she's trying to get you to understand. And your pleading for her forgiveness to assuage your own bad feelings may indeed make it worse.

All of us are attracted to strength. Not the infantile strength of a puffed-out chest, held-back shoulders, and a dismissive attitude. But a strength that emanates from within and stands unfettered regardless of others' actions.

Your girlfriend's suspicion is that your strength depends on others' assessment and is not based on inner conviction

After being away from smoking for a year, you picked it up at the slight urging of a friend. This says to her that you were neither convicted in your quitting nor convicted in starting again.

When you notice her disappointment, you quickly renounce smoking and beg her favor. This says to her that you'll do whatever's necessary to keep those around you happy. It encourages doubt about your character, and doubt in your girlfriend's mind about her place (her sense of safety and comfort) in your relationship.

The trick is to define your strength for yourself and carry your self-image around within you. It will mean a considerable risk. There is no guarantee that your girlfriend or anyone else will recognize your confidence and draw near to you for it. It may be that even after your most sincere explanations she remains distant. But those who understand your strength, those who recognize it, they will love and respect you for it because it will help them to love and respect themselves that much more.

Smoking killed both my parents (or, they killed themselves by smoking). She's right. Why hook up with someone who has a death wish?

First of all, pretty much any smoke makes me cough. Second-hand smoke makes me cough, so I am pretty sure a straight drag would be even worse for me. It probably depends on the person and how much smoke they've been around. And I believe it's legal to smoke below 18 in the U.S., just not purchase, since parental consent is assumed if you're smoking tobacco.
Yep. And chain smokers end up losing all their cilia (that looks misspelled, anyway it's the little hairs) and that's when pleghm happens.

Here's exactly what I did last night: Bought one white rose and walked to her house...

Arrived, rang the door bell and handed it to her and said "I'm sorry, I swear it will never happen again. I love you, trust me. I don't want this to end. Please."

Now, mind you, I'm out in the snow. I even got on my knees. Froze my ass off. Ok, so she doesn't smile. Doesn't react really.

Go back later, burnt two packs of cigarettes in the street and apologized again...
Dumb move burning the cigs just proved to her that you had more of them that you may have been planning to smoke. It doesn't prove that you are giving it up but rather that you may have been doing it longer behind her back than just this one time!
Well, I think her father died because of lung cancer, but not to sure. Touchy subject, ya know?
And yes, I want to remain in a relationship. I seriously care so much about her. Okay now that makes your entire behaviour just assinine. If you are going to date some one and they are adament about you not smoking it is your responsability to find out if it is just a personl prefrence or family trauma. For it to have been her father to have died it becomes an EXTREMELY tender subject. All you can hope is to give her time to cool off and return to you. If she cannot forgive you then pestering her will only lead to driving her farther away. As the saying goes "If you love someone let them go. If they return to you they are yours forever, if they don't they were never yours to begin with." I personally had to do this with my wife when we were dating and she came back to me after a week and it strengthened our relationship to the point where we have been married happily for just about 6 years. Don't put too much hope into a relationship at 16. My sister in-law just went through a divorce from her high school sweetheart. They had never been with anyone else since they were 16-17. High school relationships have a 80% failure rate so while it might hurt in the short run letting her go might be the best thing for both of you. Besides you are in school with some of the hottest women living, go have fun now don't wait till you are in your 40-60's and try and get the hot little thangs then. You'll probably just end up with an Anna Nicole Smith and trust me you don't want one of those! :eek:
Good luck and enjoy those high school years!
:fluffle:
Go have fun!!!!!!!!!!!

I know 3 months isn't long, I said its been a short time. And I'm myself when I'm around her, I wouldn't be any other way. I can't confine myself to a lie of a lifestyle, it just doesn't work...

Well, hopefully I can talk to her tonight and fix things up. And besides this, I'm overall depressed because of that damn Board of Education guy being a dumbass...I knew more than he did on the subject we discussed.

First of all, stop saying that it was one cigarette. True or not, it's irrelevant. The point is that you smoked, and she has an extreme aversion (with good reason) to smoking. By saying that "It's only one cigarette", it sounds like you are dismissing or explaining away her concerns--which undoes anything you might have done by saying sorry. If you brush it off, it sounds like you're just trying to get back on her good side rather than legitemately trying to avoid smoking in the future. Be smart, and never let those words pass your lips in her company again.

Secondly, you need to ease off on the throttle. By your account, in the last 24 hours, you've sent her a letter, a rose, candy, a phone message, shown up on her porch, and set fire to things in the street outside her house. These are not the actions of a strong, confident man; they're the actions of a desperate one, and girls (no more than guys) like desperate people. The ball is in her court, and she knows it, so give her some time to mull things over. Stop pushing so hard.

That being said, I take the fact that she overreacted as a good sign, albeit one that's a bit concealed. If she reacted as strongly as she did to your smoking, it's probably because she desperately wants to avoid you turning out like her dad (which, incidentally, is another reason why you shouldn't use the excuse of "It's only one cigarette": her dad probably used similar excuses before he died), which by extension means that she probably deeply cares about you. Give her time, and she probably should come back to you.

Give up kid. Women are fickle. Move on and find someone that likes an occasional smoke.

However, if you are serious about giving up tobacco, seek out someone new that understands that you were doing a "guy thing". Peer pressure, or a desire to "fit in", can be a powerful motivator to do something you are not inclined to do.

Who knows? The past relationship may have prepared you for a future relationship that will be more congenial, hence joyful and fulfilling.

Learn from your experiences. Better yet, learn from the experiences of others.

May you live in interesting times. ;)

Tell her sorry, and that you'll be there for her if she wants to talk about it.

And kid don't smoke, it's a bitch to quit. I'm starting the nicotine patches again this weekend. It sucks wind, it's like being on a pay life support system that calls to you every hour to indulge with lots of nasty side effects if you don't.

Man, lucky you didn't smoke a cigar!

I smoked a cigarette, and she was there and had this big argument with me....we're 16, round there, so for some reason she's totally against smoking.

I said I was sorry, but she didn't care. So I tried being sensitive and got a teddy bear and roses and such like that, and still she didn't want to talk to me.

Apoligize, promise to not do it. And then don't do it.