NationStates Jolt Archive


Union of Marriage when Religious beliefs differ

Peechland
21-01-2005, 16:02
*feels forehead* No, no fever. Cant believe I'm posting a religious thread....but, its something I was thinking about and needed the expert opinions of my fellow NS'ers.

Can an Atheist and a Catholic, or an Agnostic and a Methodist, or a Baptist and an Atheist, or whatever combination of religion you can come up with........can they meet, fall in love and then have a successful union of marriage together? When you take into consideration the beliefs and practices of a "christian" and how they may raise their children and run their household, how would that go down I wonder? Would the mom get the kids up and head off to Sunday school while the Atheist dad sat home and watched t.v? (Or vice -versa.) Would the Catholic mom take the kids to Mass every other Sunday and then to the Baptist church on the opposite Sundays? Can people of different religious beliefs unite as a family without one converting, and if so, how would they raise the children-if they chose to have children. There is much more independence as far as religious choices are concerned now, than say 50 years ago. Back then, everyone piled into the car and dare not even look at a belief that differed from what the father had chosen for his family to believe in and practice. What do you think....?
BlatantSillyness
21-01-2005, 16:06
I suppose one solution would be for the parents to provide the kids with information on their (differing) philosophies as and when the kids ask- and when the children are old enough they can decide for themselves what to believe rather than being told "you believe this- cos, er we say so, or else."
Bottle
21-01-2005, 16:08
short answer: no.

slightly longer answer: not if they actually do hold the beliefs they claim to hold, and if they actually do love each other and any children they might have together.

longest answer: if you are Christian, and you truly believe in the tennets of the Christian faith, then you would believe that someone must accept Jesus to get to Heaven; if you allow your partner to go through life as an atheist, then you are allowing them to be sent to Hell to suffer for all eternity. if you allow you children to be taught anything other than Christianity then you are sending them to the same fate, and no loving parent would be able to allow such a thing to happen to their children.

conversely, if you are an atheist, and you truly believe there is no God and that God-belief is misguided, then you would not be able to fully respect any person who embraces God-belief any more than you could fully respect an adult who believes that Santa Claus is literally real. it is not possible to truly love anyone if you cannot respect them. you also would not be able to allow your children to be reared in a religious tradition, unless you did not respect or love them, any more than you would allow your children to be reared to believe in other irrational and incorrect beliefs (like the world being flat, or the existence of magical unicorns being literally true).

the only way an atheist and a Christian could marry and build a family together would be if one or both of them did not actually believe in the religious orientation they claim (or if they didn't love each other or their family, of course).
Dempublicents
21-01-2005, 16:10
I am a Christian dating (and most likely soon engaged to) an atheist. This is actually something we have already discussed. Being married would really be no problem - we have basically the same view of marriage other than the fact that I think God blesses it and he just thinks that kind of committment is a good thing.

As for kids, we've also discussed that. Essentially, he has said that he will have no problem teaching our kids about my religion/taking them to church with me. He may go sometimes, but probably won't. His only stipulation, which I already agreed with whole-heartedly to begin with, is that our children eventually make up their own mind on religion. If they ask to be taken to a synagogue/mosque/Buddhist temple/etc, we take them. If they ask to read the holy books of other religions, we get the books for them and do our best to make sure they understand said religion. In the end, they will choose their own path, whether it coincides with one of ours or not.
BlatantSillyness
21-01-2005, 16:12
the only way an atheist and a Christian could marry and build a family together would be if one or both of them did not actually believe in the religious orientation they claim (or if they didn't love each other or their family, of course).
With respect Bottle that sounds like you are claiming that people cannot love and respect each other unless they agree on theology?
Kecibukia
21-01-2005, 16:13
short answer: no.

slightly longer answer: not if they actually do hold the beliefs they claim to hold, and if they actually do love each other and any children they might have together.

longest answer: if you are Christian, and you truly believe in the tennets of the Christian faith, then you would believe that someone must accept Jesus to get to Heaven; if you allow your partner to go through life as an atheist, then you are allowing them to be sent to Hell to suffer for all eternity. if you allow you children to be taught anything other than Christianity then you are sending them to the same fate, and no loving parent would be able to allow such a thing to happen to their children.

conversely, if you are an atheist, and you truly believe there is no God and that God-belief is misguided, then you would not be able to fully respect any person who embraces God-belief any more than you could fully respect an adult who believes that Santa Claus is literally real. it is not possible to truly love anyone if you cannot respect them. you also would not be able to allow your children to be reared in a religious tradition, unless you did not respect or love them, any more than you would allow your children to be reared to believe in other irrational and incorrect beliefs (like the world being flat, or the existence of magical unicorns being literally true).

the only way an atheist and a Christian could marry and build a family together would be if one or both of them did not actually believe in the religious orientation they claim (or if they didn't love each other or their family, of course).

You're wrong. My wife is a devout Christian and I am an Athiest. We love eachother very much and our marriage is quite strong. Do we like the others view, no, but we respect it. Our kids will be shown both options and will make the choice for themselves .
Dempublicents
21-01-2005, 16:13
the only way an atheist and a Christian could marry and build a family together would be if one or both of them did not actually believe in the religious orientation they claim (or if they didn't love each other or their family, of course).

Or, just maybe, they believe that religion (or lack thereof) is a personal choice that all of their loved ones should be able to make for themselves.
Drunk commies
21-01-2005, 16:14
It depends on the couple. Some people are reasonable about their beleifs. They won't try to force them on others and will expose the kids to both ideas and let them make up their own mind when they're old enough. Some people are hell bent on imposing their religion (or lack of) upon everyone they meet.
Kecibukia
21-01-2005, 16:15
I am a Christian dating (and most likely soon engaged to) an atheist. This is actually something we have already discussed. Being married would really be no problem - we have basically the same view of marriage other than the fact that I think God blesses it and he just thinks that kind of committment is a good thing.

As for kids, we've also discussed that. Essentially, he has said that he will have no problem teaching our kids about my religion/taking them to church with me. He may go sometimes, but probably won't. His only stipulation, which I already agreed with whole-heartedly to begin with, is that our children eventually make up their own mind on religion. If they ask to be taken to a synagogue/mosque/Buddhist temple/etc, we take them. If they ask to read the holy books of other religions, we get the books for them and do our best to make sure they understand said religion. In the end, they will choose their own path, whether it coincides with one of ours or not.

That's almost exactly the life my wife and I are living. Things seem to be going along just fine.
New Genoa
21-01-2005, 16:16
sure it can happen, why not? unless you're talking about a marriage between someone Fred Phelps-like and an atheist, but it can definitely work..
Mohda
21-01-2005, 16:17
In Islam:

Its HIGHLY recommended that Muslim men marry Muslim women but men have a choice. Marrying a non-Muslim is permitted (as long as he makes a try for conversion).

Its forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Muslim women can only marry Muslim men. No exceptions.
Alien Born
21-01-2005, 16:22
*feels forehead* No, no fever. Cant believe I'm posting a religious thread....but, its something I was thinking about and needed the expert opinions of my fellow NS'ers.

Can an Atheist and a Catholic, or an Agnostic and a Methodist, or a Baptist and an Atheist, or whatever combination of religion you can come up with........can they meet, fall in love and then have a successful union of marriage together? When you take into consideration the beliefs and practices of a "christian" and how they may raise their children and run their household, how would that go down I wonder? Would the mom get the kids up and head off to Sunday school while the Atheist dad sat home and watched t.v? (Or vice -versa.) Would the Catholic mom take the kids to Mass every other Sunday and then to the Baptist church on the opposite Sundays? Can people of different religious beliefs unite as a family without one converting, and if so, how would they raise the children-if they chose to have children. There is much more independence as far as religious choices are concerned now, than say 50 years ago. Back then, everyone piled into the car and dare not even look at a belief that differed from what the father had chosen for his family to believe in and practice. What do you think....?


Yep, they can, I know from experience. Love overcomes religion. I am from an anglican family, well sort of, my maternal grandfather was Russian Orthodox Catholic, and my paternal line has some Judaism in it. My wife is from a Catholic family. We have one son. Our strategy, with regards to his religious education is to expose him, as far as possible, without damaging his mental health to the options available. This ranges from Atheism through Islam to Evangelical Protestantism, vis Budhism and Taoism. It is up to him to decide what religion, if any, he wants to follow, when he is old enough to take himself to church etc. OK, we are not fanatics, of any type, (except maybe for Newcastle Brown Ale and good reading material), but it is possible to have a successful family of mixed religous backgrounds. :)
Drunk commies
21-01-2005, 16:24
In Islam:

Its HIGHLY recommended that Muslim men marry Muslim women but men have a choice. Marrying a non-Muslim is permitted (as long as he makes a try for conversion).

Its forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Muslim women can only marry Muslim men. No exceptions.
Just another fine example of women's rights under Islam.
LazyHippies
21-01-2005, 16:25
It can work, but most of the time it doesnt. This is a very common reason for the breakdown of a marriage and eventual divorce. Most religious leaders rightfully choose not to marry people of differing faiths. The deck is simply stacked too heavily towards the marriage failing. I have heard of cases where it has worked, but the most common result is a breakdown of the marriage. So, if the reason you ask is because you are considering this, then my suggestion is that you discuss every possible scenario before you get married. What religion will we raise our kids in? Will they be baptised as a baby (if you are catholic)? Are they going to be put through the first communion, confirmation etc (if one of you is a catholic). Do they HAVE to go to church or can they stay home with the atheist parent? etc, etc, etc.
Alinania
21-01-2005, 16:25
It worked out just fine for my parents for 13years. my dad is allergic to anything religious and my mom...well...she's from a very catholic family.
...though maybe i shouldn't quote my parents as a good example. they divorced more than 10 years ago :p
Mohda
21-01-2005, 16:27
Just another fine example of women's rights under Islam.

If I could change one thing about Islam it would be to give women equal rights. But in many ways women are to be treated respectfully. It's unacceptable to refer to a woman as anything but Sister.
Alien Born
21-01-2005, 16:28
longest answer: if you are Christian, and you truly believe in the tennets of the Christian faith, then you would believe that someone must accept Jesus to get to Heaven; if you allow your partner to go through life as an atheist, then you are allowing them to be sent to Hell to suffer for all eternity. if you allow you children to be taught anything other than Christianity then you are sending them to the same fate, and no loving parent would be able to allow such a thing to happen to their children.

conversely, if you are an atheist, and you truly believe there is no God and that God-belief is misguided, then you would not be able to fully respect any person who embraces God-belief any more than you could fully respect an adult who believes that Santa Claus is literally real. it is not possible to truly love anyone if you cannot respect them. you also would not be able to allow your children to be reared in a religious tradition, unless you did not respect or love them, any more than you would allow your children to be reared to believe in other irrational and incorrect beliefs (like the world being flat, or the existence of magical unicorns being literally true).

the only way an atheist and a Christian could marry and build a family together would be if one or both of them did not actually believe in the religious orientation they claim (or if they didn't love each other or their family, of course).

They could, of course, agree to allow the children to choose of their own, God given or otherwise, free will, as toi what they will believe. You can respect anothers beliefs without sharing them. The idea that if you believe one thing, and someone else believes something else, that you can not respect that belief is central to religous conflict. The Christian shall have no other God other than that of the bible, but the comandment does not say that you shall not allow others to have their gods. The Atheist can respect the beliefs of others, as his or her tenets are that he or she is responsible for his or her own behaviour. There is no outside force imposing rightness and wrongness. If htey choose to, they can easily allow others to believe whatever they want.

So, wrong. The answer, longish as given above is yes.
Peechland
21-01-2005, 16:30
I am a Christian dating (and most likely soon engaged to) an atheist. This is actually something we have already discussed. Being married would really be no problem - we have basically the same view of marriage other than the fact that I think God blesses it and he just thinks that kind of committment is a good thing.

As for kids, we've also discussed that. Essentially, he has said that he will have no problem teaching our kids about my religion/taking them to church with me. He may go sometimes, but probably won't. His only stipulation, which I already agreed with whole-heartedly to begin with, is that our children eventually make up their own mind on religion. If they ask to be taken to a synagogue/mosque/Buddhist temple/etc, we take them. If they ask to read the holy books of other religions, we get the books for them and do our best to make sure they understand said religion. In the end, they will choose their own path, whether it coincides with one of ours or not.


That sounds like true love and respect for each other. Love requires compromise sometimes, meeting in the middle. Religious beliefs need not be exempt from that. Bottle makes a good point about the "true christians". They are taught to go out and witness to others and profess their faith to everyone and try to lead others to the lord. So perhaps it wouldnt be possible for everyone. Sounds like Dempub and Kecbu have it sorted out and have made it work well in their relationships....congrats!!! :)
Kaboodlez
21-01-2005, 16:31
I thought i'd post this just to do it...
I think to people from different religions and beliefs can get married...but that's without the gurantee that it will be sucessful. If the two can make an agreed decision on what they believe or can just not make it an issue...it might end up... :fluffle: but if that it doesnt happenwe could get :confused: :( :mad: :headbang: :gundge: :sniper: and that would be difficult. Thanks 4 listenin
-ange
Dempublicents
21-01-2005, 16:43
That sounds like true love and respect for each other.

Yup.

Bottle makes a good point about the "true christians". They are taught to go out and witness to others and profess their faith to everyone and try to lead others to the lord.

It really isn't a good point. Bottle, like so many of those "true Christians", which generally refers to "fundamentalist Christians" is confusing professing faith and attempting to lead others with being pushy and attempting to force others. I have made my beliefs clear to my boyfriend, and he understands them. We discuss our beliefs regularly, and I have told him how much they mean to me and how I feel God in my life. That said, any type of forcing or pushiness isn't going to convert him, and I know that he may never change his mind. However, it is *his* choice, not mine.

I don't really understand why Bottle believes that one cannot love someone who has come to a different conclusion than them, but I do take offense at all of this "true Christian" nonsense being thrown around as if anyone on this Earth actually knows what a "true" member of any religion should do.

So perhaps it wouldnt be possible for everyone. Sounds like Dempub and Kecbu have it sorted out and have made it work well in their relationships....congrats!!! :)

=) Thanks.
Rasados
21-01-2005, 16:48
if you let religion get in the way of love.well,you mustnt love them very much.
religion doesnt get in the way of love with simple aceptance.

A)accept that everyone has the right to believe what they want.you may believe your spouse is going to hell,but how does that stop you from loveing them?you may believe belief in god is silly,but if it makes the person you love better for it.why complain?
B)make sure the children are given the right to choose,alternateing church goings are a good idea.expose them to other religions as well.or keep religion OUT of the children's lives untill there around 13-14.this way when they DO get taught about religion,they should be able to formulate there own opinions.
C)love and respect eachother,but thats the fondation of any relationship anyways.
D)understand the most importent thing about love,which the human race loathes most.it is temorpary.love ends,you cant stop that.more suffering happens for that reason than even greed.one day,your love will stop.dont worry about it,keep your life going.move on.
Peechland
21-01-2005, 20:07
I'm bumping this cause new people are on now and might wanna add their insight.
GoodThoughts
21-01-2005, 20:24
*feels forehead* No, no fever. Cant believe I'm posting a religious thread....but, its something I was thinking about and needed the expert opinions of my fellow NS'ers.

Can an Atheist and a Catholic, or an Agnostic and a Methodist, or a Baptist and an Atheist, or whatever combination of religion you can come up with........can they meet, fall in love and then have a successful union of marriage together? When you take into consideration the beliefs and practices of a "christian" and how they may raise their children and run their household, how would that go down I wonder? Would the mom get the kids up and head off to Sunday school while the Atheist dad sat home and watched t.v? (Or vice -versa.) Would the Catholic mom take the kids to Mass every other Sunday and then to the Baptist church on the opposite Sundays? Can people of different religious beliefs unite as a family without one converting, and if so, how would they raise the children-if they chose to have children. There is much more independence as far as religious choices are concerned now, than say 50 years ago. Back then, everyone piled into the car and dare not even look at a belief that differed from what the father had chosen for his family to believe in and practice. What do you think....?

Baha'is can marry followers of any other religion, race, ethnic background whatever.

We have erewhile declared -- and Our Word is the truth -- : "Consort with the followers of all religions in a spirit of friendliness and fellowship." Whatsoever hath led the children of men to shun one another, and hath caused dissensions and divisions amongst them, hath, through the revelation of these words, been nullified and abolished. From the heaven of God's Will, and for the purpose of ennobling the world of being and of elevating the minds and souls of men, hath been sent down that which is the most effective instrument for the education of the whole human race.

(Baha'u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha'u'llah, p. 94)
Texan Hotrodders
21-01-2005, 20:27
*feels forehead* No, no fever. Cant believe I'm posting a religious thread....but, its something I was thinking about and needed the expert opinions of my fellow NS'ers.

Can an Atheist and a Catholic, or an Agnostic and a Methodist, or a Baptist and an Atheist, or whatever combination of religion you can come up with........can they meet, fall in love and then have a successful union of marriage together? When you take into consideration the beliefs and practices of a "christian" and how they may raise their children and run their household, how would that go down I wonder? Would the mom get the kids up and head off to Sunday school while the Atheist dad sat home and watched t.v? (Or vice -versa.) Would the Catholic mom take the kids to Mass every other Sunday and then to the Baptist church on the opposite Sundays? Can people of different religious beliefs unite as a family without one converting, and if so, how would they raise the children-if they chose to have children. There is much more independence as far as religious choices are concerned now, than say 50 years ago. Back then, everyone piled into the car and dare not even look at a belief that differed from what the father had chosen for his family to believe in and practice. What do you think....?

My family was split much the way you describe when I was younger. On Saturday evenings we went to Catholic mass, and on Sunday mornings we went to whatever church my Mom had chosen. She was just a Christian at the time, with no specific denomination holding her allegiance. The situation caused no problems.

I've also seen an atheist and Christian union work quite well.
Ashmoria
21-01-2005, 20:41
my parents were married in 1941. my mother was a good catholic, my father a stone cold atheist. (which is why i am a catholic atheist today)

they were married for 53 years until my father died in 1994.

they fought about many things but religion wasnt one of them. my mother took her 7 children to church every sunday and my father felt no need to complain about it.

so yes it sure can work. it depends on the people involved just like anything else.
FutureExistence
21-01-2005, 21:00
The only matching I want to comment on is that of a Christian marrying a non-Christian (hope this term doesn't offend!).
I think it's a bad idea, because Christians are, by definition, committed to Christ above all else, including family. The spouse ALWAYS comes second to Jesus, which is great if both husband and wife have decided that for themselves, but if one has, and the other hasn't, I think the imbalance in priorities would create huge problems.
The apostle Paul addresses the question of Christians married to non-Christians in 1 Corinthians, chapter 7. He says that the Christian is not allowed to divorce their non-Christian spouse, but that if the non-Christian spouse wants to leave, the Christian must let them. This is a rule for the situation created if one spouse converts to Christianity (or the other spouse stops believing), not an encouragement to enter such an unbalanced situation.
Pithica
21-01-2005, 21:08
<SNIP>
Can an Atheist and a Catholic, or an Agnostic and a Methodist, or a Baptist and an Atheist, or whatever combination of religion you can come up with........can they meet, fall in love and then have a successful union of marriage together?
<SNIP>
What do you think....?

Let me splain...no no too long let me summup!

I was raised to be evangelical christian. I went to parochial school all my life, ending up in seminary at the collegiate level. I left the church, tried just about everything and it's brother (including Judaism, Buddhism, and Hinduism) until I just gave up and declared myself Agnostic. Since then I have drifted closer and closer to full on Atheism, though I probably most associate with 'Universal Deism' (the belief that the uni/multiverse is god, cannot be seperated from it/him/her and he/she/it/they are not active inside of creation).

My wife was raised devout catholic. Left the church when her mom died, and is trying to get back into it now.

We are in the process of trying to have a kid.

The plan now is to allow my wife to go through all the normal catholic rituals, chirch, communion, baptism etc with the children. But that I am allowed to discuss my own beliefs with them as well (and expose them to other religions too as time and circumstance allow). Then as they get older, they are free and equipped to make their own minds up about their world view/philosophy.

I believe that it will work well, and me and my wife have never had any issues between us. We, luckily, share a common moral ground as to what we feel is generally wrong and right and enough respect for each other not to argue over the details. We have never had a fight about it, and have only had discussions a handful of times (and always in general aggreed).

It is my opinion, that the only people incapable of working through religious or cultural differences with their spouse (or lover/SO/et cetera) are those that take those beliefs (and themselves) too seriously. All it takes is a little tolerance to get around any of these issues. No matter what your beliefs are, noone has a monopoly on G-d. No one can point to G-d and go, "See, there he is, aggreeing with me and not with you." It would be the hieght of arrogance to make that assumption.
Roach-Busters
21-01-2005, 21:12
*feels forehead* No, no fever. Cant believe I'm posting a religious thread....but, its something I was thinking about and needed the expert opinions of my fellow NS'ers.

Can an Atheist and a Catholic, or an Agnostic and a Methodist, or a Baptist and an Atheist, or whatever combination of religion you can come up with........can they meet, fall in love and then have a successful union of marriage together? When you take into consideration the beliefs and practices of a "christian" and how they may raise their children and run their household, how would that go down I wonder? Would the mom get the kids up and head off to Sunday school while the Atheist dad sat home and watched t.v? (Or vice -versa.) Would the Catholic mom take the kids to Mass every other Sunday and then to the Baptist church on the opposite Sundays? Can people of different religious beliefs unite as a family without one converting, and if so, how would they raise the children-if they chose to have children. There is much more independence as far as religious choices are concerned now, than say 50 years ago. Back then, everyone piled into the car and dare not even look at a belief that differed from what the father had chosen for his family to believe in and practice. What do you think....?

They sure can. I'm a Christian and my g.f. is a Buddhist, and we never have any problems. :)
United Freedoms
21-01-2005, 21:20
my mother took her 7 children to church every sunday and my father felt no need to complain about it.

That appear to be where we would differ. I suppose that I am somewhat unreasonable when compared to your father, as I would not be so open-minded. As an atheist, not only do I not profess belief in any religion, but I also consider religion to be an evil institution meant to control the minds of it's followers and limit the potential of humanity.

Ulitmately, I suppose I would relent and not complain about my wife taking the child to church. I would leave the matter up to my child to decide (I don't plan to be pushy with my atheism), but I would find myself somewhat disappointed if my child chose to follow a religion.
Overzealous Liberals
21-01-2005, 21:21
On the subject of what religion the kids would be, why should said kids be dragged along to any religious institution if the precepts of the religion don't resonate with them?
Roach-Busters
21-01-2005, 21:27
On the subject of what religion the kids would be, why should said kids be dragged along to any religious institution if the precepts of the religion don't resonate with them?

My g.f. and I decided we'd leave it up to our kids (provided we have any; she wants 'em, I don't) to decide if they want to be Christians, Buddhists, or something else.
Big Ten Country
21-01-2005, 21:35
For Christians, the Bible does strongly recommend against marrying an unbelieving spouse. When one is totally committed to doing the will of God, sharing the totality of one's life with someone who doesn't share that commitment can be a real hinderance. However, in the case where a believer is married to an unbeliever (whether because the person didn't heed that warning, or he or she committed to following Christ after getting married), the believer should remain married as long as the spouse still wants to be married, as the believing spouse has a unique witnessing opportunity. If the unbelieving spouse wants a divorce, however, the believing spouse should allow it.

(Oh, for the want of a decent gender-neutral pronoun! :headbang: )

Personally, I'm just not attracted to non-Christians. It's not that I think they're evil, or that I think I'm better than them. But I guess I'm looking for someone who shares my religious convictions, my philosophies. My wife would need to be someone who would naturally share my spiritual longings, my Christ-centered hopes and dreams. I'm...kinda picky that way.
Ashmoria
21-01-2005, 21:36
That appear to be where we would differ. I suppose that I am somewhat unreasonable when compared to your father, as I would not be so open-minded. As an atheist, not only do I not profess belief in any religion, but I also consider religion to be an evil institution meant to control the minds of it's followers and limit the potential of humanity.

Ulitmately, I suppose I would relent and not complain about my wife taking the child to church. I would leave the matter up to my child to decide (I don't plan to be pushy with my atheism), but I would find myself somewhat disappointed if my child chose to follow a religion.
my father, as a stone cold atheist, had no religious opinions that i could discern. he had no interest in it and didnt care if anyone else did or not.

my husband and i are both atheists, we raised our son without any religious upbringing. he had/has a natural slight interest in spirituality which he may some day find an outlet for. that is up to him.

its hard enough to find someone that you love, who loves you back and is a reasonable choice for wife without complicating the matter with theological/philosophical compatibility considerations.
Blobites
22-01-2005, 01:18
short answer: no.

slightly longer answer: not if they actually do hold the beliefs they claim to hold, and if they actually do love each other and any children they might have together.

longest answer: if you are Christian, and you truly believe in the tennets of the Christian faith, then you would believe that someone must accept Jesus to get to Heaven; if you allow your partner to go through life as an atheist, then you are allowing them to be sent to Hell to suffer for all eternity. if you allow you children to be taught anything other than Christianity then you are sending them to the same fate, and no loving parent would be able to allow such a thing to happen to their children.

conversely, if you are an atheist, and you truly believe there is no God and that God-belief is misguided, then you would not be able to fully respect any person who embraces God-belief any more than you could fully respect an adult who believes that Santa Claus is literally real. it is not possible to truly love anyone if you cannot respect them. you also would not be able to allow your children to be reared in a religious tradition, unless you did not respect or love them, any more than you would allow your children to be reared to believe in other irrational and incorrect beliefs (like the world being flat, or the existence of magical unicorns being literally true).

the only way an atheist and a Christian could marry and build a family together would be if one or both of them did not actually believe in the religious orientation they claim (or if they didn't love each other or their family, of course).

I have never heard such a load of crap in my life!!

I am an Athiest, I hold no religious beliefs what so ever yet I have been happily, no strike that, blissfully married for twenty years to a devout Christian!
My wifes father is a lay preacher and she was brought up in a religious community, she has her beliefs, I have mine. Yes we have argued our own points on the subject but never in an angry or reproachful way and after twenty years our differences regarding religion have had absolutely no effect on our relationship, I love her just as much, in fact I love her even more now than when we first married and I know she feels the same.
We have three kids, my oldest is a non believer (his choice, I have never forced my opinion on him, neither has his mother) my other two kids both are regular church goers and my middle son goes to youth fellowship meetings almost every night, again, his choice.

We both love our children more than anything and for someone to be so flippant as to infer that an Athiest and a Christian cannot marry and raise a normal family is insulting to me personally and to all the other "mixed" marriages out there.

Just because we do not share the same religious beliefs does not mean we cannot love each other every bit as much as two Christians being married.

It is so arrogant of you Bottle to assume that unless people share a religious view their love is meaningless or false, love transends all or any religious barriers, barriers that are usually put up by bigoted narrow minded people who can't see any way but their way.

Incidently, we were married in my wifes church, the minister was well aware of my religious stance and I agreed to a church wedding to please my wife, the end result was the same for me as if we were married in a registary office but for her it meant something different so we were both happy....I got married legally to the woman I love, she got to marry the man she loved in the church she loves and before the God she worships.
Perisa
22-01-2005, 04:07
It's funny...

Back when I considered myself a Muslim I fell in love with a practically militant Atheist girl.

And years later after the break up I've become Agnostic and now I have a crush on an Episcopalian girl.

Even though none of these have worked or are working out, it's not because of our religious beliefs.


*Note: Not all Christians believe you'll go to hell if you're not a Christian. Prysbyterians believe everyone goes to heaven
Andaluciae
22-01-2005, 04:09
It's one of those damn things that occur on a case-by-case basis. Sometimes they can, sometimes they cannot.
Stabbatha
22-01-2005, 04:24
I agree, it's mostly a case-by-case situation because it all depends on who the people involved are. I don't know what believing-in-god-and-such-but-not-any-organized-religion is called (if anyone wants to tell my uninformed butt, please do) but me and my girlfriend of several years now (she looked at a few religions and went 'meh' basically) and even had she found a religion I wouldn't see a problem with it in any way and neither would she I believe.

Religion simply effects different people in different ways. Some believe in it that all people who aren't it are something wrong, some believe it's just a personal choice, some believe maybe they are wrong but believe it anyways! It is way too difficult to put it into simple categories really...

OK I'm gonna stop because I'm probably rambling.
Bitchkitten
22-01-2005, 04:28
My father's a hard-core atheist from a family that attended The Church of Christ. My mom's a Deist, ex-Mormon from a Baptist family. In order to keep peace in the family we kids got dragged to about a dozen different Christian churches on a regular basis. We all have different beliefs and mostly get along.