NationStates Jolt Archive

Have you ever had a problem with idealising your partner unrealistically, or being idealised?

I mean, it's okay to be put up on a pedestal every once in a while --the view from there is quite good, and the air just that much fresher --but does this create problems or issues for you in your relationship(s)?

Have you ever had a problem with idealising your partner unrealistically, or being idealised?

I mean, it's okay to be put up on a pedestal every once in a while --the view from there is quite good, and the air just that much fresher --but does this create problems or issues for you in your relationship(s)?

Yes, yes it does. When reality doesn't match fantasy; you get dissapointed. The longer you live in fantasy, the higher up that pedestal is, the more it hurts when reality comes rushing up to meet you.

If your significant other is supposedly always kind and good, always gentle and loving; when they have a bad day, coming home angry and upset, you might be able to swtich gears and make things better.

If this happens several times, you may grow to resent the person, for making you change your mood to suit theirs, for making you tread on eggshells when you wanted to frolick in a field of flowers.

Its hard to know how to adjust to such things; I cannot offer anything more than vauge advice. Remember that your significant other is human too; they have feelings, moods, patterns of behavior. You may have met them when they were happy and cheerful, but then something bad happens and they are moody and depressed. Remember that this happens to all of us, and that you either will grow to love your partner for who they are...or grow apart.

There is no shame in breaking up with someone you cannot live with. There is no shame in finding out that you are too different to be compatible. But try not to let unreasonable expectaitons of your partner make you reach such conclusions unfairly. Keep an open mind.

Hope it helps?

I honestly believe there should be a certain standard to put on a partner.

That crazy standards, but certain ammount of standard. Like being able to talk about anything for me would be my number one.

And as my mother always says.. Never fall in love out of pity.



Then after that, she must play the piano, must sing like Oprah, have a body to die for, Big boobs, likes anime, likes dressing up in neko costumes, like BDSM, likes hot dripping wax, has a rich father who would spend everything on her daughter just to make her happy, likes dogs, nymphomaniac, :D

I do nothing buy idealize the women in my life. It is both a wonderful and terrible thing. When I am apart from someone who I have feelings for, for any length of time they change entirely in my mind, which is nice because they fit my ideals, but is bad because when they come back they don't match my unrealistic memories and it causes problems.

Right now I've met a woman who I care deeply for, and contrary to common wisdom I try not to think of her too much when she's away (she's in school about 2000 miles from where I am :( ) because it causes problems. I've been trying (and I think succeeding fairly well) at thinking of her only when I'm talking to her, and only then thinking about those specific things. So far it has worked very well. I haven't completely destroyed any possibility of being happy by convincing myself that I need something that doesn't exist.

Have you ever had a problem with idealising your partner unrealistically, or being idealised?

not that i know of. i know i don't idealize him, because i think his flaws are too much fun to ignore, and if he idealizes me then he deserves an Oscar for his ability to act like he doesn't. :P

I mean, it's okay to be put up on a pedestal every once in a while --the view from there is quite good, and the air just that much fresher --but does this create problems or issues for you in your relationship(s)?
i don't think it would ever be good to idealize somebody, at least not if you are planning to be in love with them. falling in love with an ideal is quite different than falling in love with a person, and while the first is quite easy to do the second requires actual character, strength, determination, and maturity...real love is imperfect, and should never be taken as lightly as the love of an ideal can be.