NationStates Jolt Archive

1. Jesus Hotline number. Dial 1-800 SAVE ME JESUS and have a LIVE Jesus talk to you about your problems

2. Three words: MASSIVE. JESUS. ARMY.

We could put all these frelling rich doctors out of business with teams of Jesus' (or would the plural be Jesi?) going around healing by touch for free.

I'm Hyjacking this thread, meet my demands and no one gets hurt.


We don't need to clone Jesus, his descendants may still be around. :eek:

Yeah, it's gonna send the fundies screaming 'heretic!', but there is plenty of evidence that Mary Magdeline was Jesus' wife and the child, Sarah, that she gave birth to was his child.

You just have to trace that line to the present to find his heir.

I'm Hyjacking this thread, meet my demands and no one gets hurt.


We don't need to clone Jesus, his descendants may still be around. :eek:

Yeah, it's gonna send the fundies screaming 'heretic!', but there is plenty of evidence that Mary Magdeline was Jesus' wife and the child, Sarah, that she gave birth to was his child.

You just have to trace that line to the present to find his heir.
Did you watch the History channel special on the Da Vinci Code?

Did you watch the History channel special on the Da Vinci Code?Alas I was working, I did catch a bit, but missed most.

Yea, I'm surprised the catholic church isn't for this. Come on, you get to THE Jesus. You can talk to him, meet him in person, and we actually get to see his powers in action. I, for one, am looking forward to seeing Jesus shoot lasers out of his eyes. EYEBEAMS!

Every catholic/christian who isn't for this is Satan since they don't want Jesus to come back to life. You're going to hell!!

Jesus Clone


REINCARNATION, HELLO?!?!?!?! DURRRRRRRRRR!

Yeah, it's gonna send the fundies screaming 'heretic!', but there is plenty of evidence that Mary Magdeline was Jesus' wife and the child, Sarah, that she gave birth to was his child.

You just have to trace that line to the present to find his heir.
Which won't work because if they ever existed, they're probably either died out or are untraceable. And it's spelled "Magdalene".

Which won't work because if they ever existed, they're probably either died out or are untraceable. And it's spelled "Magdalene".
In her native language it's probably neither.

No one likes a spelling nazi.

no one likes a nazi.:gundge:

4. Skewer him and market him as Jesus-on-a-stick

No more bridges, just piggyback rides.

I'd keep one in my basement and have a wine factory!

edit: It'd be great, and probably a lot more profitable than that Mexican immigrant I have running a crystal meth lab out of my basement now.

4. Skewer him and market him as Jesus-on-a-stick

The Romans tried a version of that, didn't work out exactly as they had planned.

My girlfriend says, "Feed them to all the starving children in the world --- 'Jesus saves.'"

Man, I love her.

The Romans tried a version of that, didn't work out exactly as they had planned.

That was exactly the response I was looking for.

We would have a 'Walk on water' competition.We'll line up a row of Jesus's and then make them run across a river or something.

Oh yeah, and every boatsmen would love to have a JEsus on their boat. If the weather turns to crap.. They'll just ask Jesus.. and he'll say "Be Still". Cool eh?

Oh yeah, use them to bring back the dead. We'll have lots of zombies. :p Coooool.

In her native language it's probably neither.

No one likes a spelling nazi.
Well now, that's quite interesting, because her name comes from the Latin Magdalena, from the Greek Magdalênê. Oops. Granted, it can go back further, as Magdalênê means "woman of Magdala" to the Aramaic Maghdela, which is a place on the Sea of Galilee, literally meaning "tower". So I'd say that, yeah, it is. It came to English from French, which had the forms Magdalen and Magdalene, which from whence came "maudlin" in a form of French vernacular. Pwned.

And it was an honest correction so you do not repeat it in the future. I would want you to do the same for me.

Well now, that's quite interesting, because her name comes from the Latin Magdalena, from the Greek Magdalênê. Oops. Granted, it can go back further, as Magdalênê means "woman of Magdala" to the Aramaic Maghdela, which is a place on the Sea of Galilee, literally meaning "tower". So I'd say that, yeah, it is. It came to English from French, which had the forms Magdalen and Magdalene, which from whence came "maudlin" in a form of French vernacular. Pwned.

And it was an honest correction so you do not repeat it in the future. I would want you to do the same for me.No one likes a spelling nazi.




An anal retentive arrogant spelling nazi is likely to get shot.

No one likes a spelling nazi.
Did you just ignore my complete etymology of Maria Magdalena to repeat the exact same lame argument you had before?

An anal retentive arrogant spelling nazi is likely to get shot.
You didn't have a very good time in English class, did you?

In all, I'd advise you to, in the future, to just say "thanks, I was wrong" instead of accusing me of Nazism. Orthography is a wonderful and terribly helpful addition to modern English, and should not just be tossed away on the grounds of sloth.

No one likes a spelling nazi.




An anal retentive arrogant spelling nazi is likely to get shot.
Agreed. Damn...

Did you just ignore my complete etymology of Maria Magdalena to repeat the exact same lame argument you had before?


You didn't have a very good time in English class, did you?

In all, I'd advise you to, in the future, to just say "thanks, I was wrong" instead of accusing me of Nazism. Orthography is a wonderful and terribly helpful addition to modern English, and should not just be tossed away on the grounds of sloth.A humourless anal retentive arrogant spelling nazi is a crime against humanity.

I propose using Jesus clones as structural support beams for a trans-atlantic rail bridge. The ones we clone with brains can be trained to operate the trains. Assuming they don't gnaw off their leg irons.

Did you just ignore my complete etymology of Maria Magdalena to repeat the exact same lame argument you had before?


You didn't have a very good time in English class, did you?

In all, I'd advise you to, in the future, to just say "thanks, I was wrong" instead of accusing me of Nazism. Orthography is a wonderful and terribly helpful addition to modern English, and should not just be tossed away on the grounds of sloth.
Wow dude... Chill out. Seriously.

Or we could just eat 'em. I mean, if you're gonna do the Holy Communion thing, you might as well go all the way.

A humourless anal retentive arrogant spelling nazi is a crime against humanity.

This isn't what the multiple Jesi would want us to do, petty squabbling amongst ourselves. Surely it's all about peace & love & turning water into wine. :D

This isn't what the multiple Jesi would want us to do, petty squabbling amongst ourselves. Surely it's all about peace & love & turning water into wine. :D
Especially that last one.

This isn't what the multiple Jesi would want us to do, petty squabbling amongst ourselves. Surely it's all about peace & love & turning water into wine. :D

Or crossing the atlantic in superior comfort.

1. Jesus Hotline number. Dial 1-800 SAVE ME JESUS and have a LIVE Jesus talk to you about your problems

2. Three words: MASSIVE. JESUS. ARMY.

2b. www.fat-jesus.com

2c. Jesustroopers

A humourless anal retentive arrogant spelling nazi is a crime against humanity.
Touché. However, I was not humourless, though I was probably arrogant. I chose to go to the root of the humourous comment, and address what you were actually saying. I have a fine sense of humour in other areas, pretty much any area. I'm honestly willing to joke about smallpox pustules with a particularly morbid friend of mine. And I have done extensive research on the pathology and physiopathology of variola, as I'm really into pathology, but am still willing to jest about what I did...which was extremely disgusting, but I still found it amusing. For some reason, I am not too jesting in relation to lexical matters. Don't get me wrong, I don't get angry or anything in relation to solecisms, indeed I have a dyslexic friend. I just treat others how I would want to be treated, and I like to have my spelling mistakes pointed out.

I have nothing else to do right now, if you couldn't tell.

This isn't what the multiple Jesi would want us to do, petty squabbling amongst ourselves.
Don't...tempt me further!

*yawns*

It's hot.

Touché. However, I was not humourless, though I was probably arrogant. I chose to go to the root of the humourous comment, and address what you were actually saying. I have a fine sense of humour in other areas, pretty much any area. I'm honestly willing to joke about smallpox pustules with a particularly morbid friend of mine. And I have done extensive research on the pathology and physiopathology of variola, as I'm really into pathology, but am still willing to jest about what I did...which was extremely disgusting, but I still found it amusing. For some reason, I am not too jesting in relation to lexical matters. Don't get me wrong, I don't get angry or anything in relation to solecisms, indeed I have a dyslexic friend. I just treat others how I would want to be treated, and I like to have my spelling mistakes pointed out.

I have nothing else to do right now, if you couldn't tell.
Sorry, but that's the only part of that post I saw. :D

But back on topic; you people are all forgetting one thing. Making millions of Jesus clones could turn out to be the most horrible thing to happen to this earth. www.jesusishitler.com

Sorry, but that's the only part of that post I saw. :D
Fair enough.

But back on topic; you people are all forgetting one thing. Making millions of Jesus clones could turn out to be the most horrible thing to happen to this earth. www.jesusishitler.com
I love that site.

they'd make top-quality flotation devices. just trim a little off the top of the skull, bind it cleverly, and voila: the 'soul' preserver.

wow!

Fair enough.


I love that site.Better.

Minimalist posts. Quality of words not quantity of words.

Since you have the time, work on it. ;)

...of course the fiesty ones we could pit against each other on pay-per-view...

...of course the fiesty ones we could pit against each other on pay-per-view...
Then I'd go broke...that sounds more addictive than crack and heroin combined. Kind of like gambling on a whole new level.

The ones that just don't measure up in any way shape or form could be used as an additive in cattle feed.

The ones that just don't measure up in any way shape or form could be used as an additive in cattle feed.I wonder if you could charge more for the beef? Maybe a new chain of steak houses.....

I wonder if you could charge more for the beef? Maybe a new chain of steak houses.....

Oh definitely. Some people'd swear by it. Others'd demand their beef be 100% Jesusfed beef, and nothing else, no matter how sick it made 'em. There might even be a market for Jesus bouillon cubes, come to think of it.

Dobbs Town, I must thank you. I can now go to bed happy. :fluffle:

im going to start a pool... how long til an angry christian replies?

as for what i would do what my jesus clone, well, whats more fun then an infinite amount of buddy christs?

*yawns*

I dunno. No, wait. I don't care; yeah, that's it. I keep forgettin'.

*yawns*

I'm telling you people, water into wine is the way to go! Or do you think maybe he could do hard liquor with a little genetic enhancement?

I just say we kill them all and watch them all come back to life after a few days. duh!

I'm telling you people, water into wine is the way to go! Or do you think maybe he could do hard liquor with a little genetic enhancement?

If he could produce a high enough quality of alcohol, we could find industrial applications - cars running off of Jesuhol! Propane barbequeing would be a thing of the past with pressurized Nazarane tanks instead.

'Holy smoke'!

but as clones are wont to do, the Jesuses (That's the proper plural, i am informed, pronounced JEE-zuh-sees) would just be a bunch of guys, all of whom looked identical to Jesus. They wouldn't all have crazy powers or properties or anything. Wouldn't that just be too anticlimactic?

In her native language it's probably neither.

I don't want to start any negative feelings, but I'd have to agree. Whatever her native tongue was more than likely wasn't based off of our alphabet thusly making any attempts to spell it in English incorrect. All you can really hope to accomplish is to spell it so it might sound right when read.

Also, Jesus clones would be great pets for kids. Not only would the children learn responsibility in taking care of their pet Jesus, but maybe Jesus could impart some moral code to them in his 7-10 year life span before he inevitably has to be taken to the vet and put down.

"Spelling Nazis" seem to forget that the primary purpose of written language is to record, convey ideas, communicate with others that which is in our minds for now and the future. The method and manner of script and spelling is irrelevant; only meaning has weight. Do you suppose that, if we were to travel back to the 12th century, people would speak - and write, for those who could - exactly the same as their descendents? Language changes over time; spelling is part of that. I for one despise the clinical, grammatical, castration of the English language.

I suggest cloning other figures:- How about Heracles/Hercules vs. Jesus in a battle for champion "Son of (a) God"?

I suggest cloning other figures:- How about Heracles/Hercules vs. Jesus in a battle for champion "Son of (a) God"?

best suggestion yet. i would give anything just to see the highlights on espn

4. Skewer him and market him as Jesus-on-a-stick
Sick

*hides from lightning bolt*

I suggest cloning other figures:- How about Heracles/Hercules vs. Jesus in a battle for champion "Son of (a) God"?
That would be a good fight. The immortal son of Zeus with biceps as thick as tree trunks pounding on a bearded hippy who keeps turning the other cheek.

Who causes natrual disatsears to befall those who defy him.

bump!

bump!
THREAD ABUSE!
You might have hurt the poor thread when you bumped it!
We must stop this horrid campaign of causing pain and torment to innocent threads!

Come join the SPCT and save our threads!
:D

Hmm.
Well, praying would become unnecassary if you could just walk up and talk to Him.

It would clear up the whole 'Jesus wanted this!" "No, he wanted THIS!" debate. Although I bet everybody would be a bit crestfallen when He answered "No, you're both wrong. I want a Jack Daniels."

I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car

Comes in colors pink and pleasant
Glows in the dark 'cause He's iridescent
Take Him with you when you travel far

Git yerself a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sittin' on a
Pedestal of abalone shell

Goin' ninety, I ain't scary
Long as I got my Virgin Mary
Assurin' me that I won't go to Hell

I still like my idea of Jesustroopers.

"And I shall call for the creation of a Grand Army of the Catholic."

Hordes of Messiahs in body armor, wearing helmets with crucifix-shaped visors making their across the Holy Land in a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th (ad infinitum) Coming saving souls and smiting the wicked with blaster rifles.

:D

I just say we kill them all and watch them all come back to
life after a few days. duh!

Yeah, Jesus soldiers.... We'll arm then and send them into battle

If they die, they'll rise up again on the third day.

But one thing though, we must at least tie them to the ground like balloons, just in case after the third day, they fly up to heaven.

Oh man, all this mental effort and no-one has come up with the obvious?

Restarauts serving Bread and Fish! Frickin tons of the stuff! Save the third world and eat cheap with your holy family!

Parachutes! strap yourself to jesus and jump of any tall structure and flights of angels will bring you down to earth!

And of course, you'd end up with millions of expert carpenters!

if jesus turned water into wine - how come romans didn't like him - they loved the vino.

do you think that cloning jesi could result like the film multiplicity with michael keaton? each would be a little scarier than the last - there'd be the jesus that wanted to steal your wife, the jesus that wanted to kill your neighbour etc etc. could get a bit weird.

if i had my own personal jesus i think i'd likely ask him to write a book. i really wonder what the christ child could do given the chance to get creative. also we could trade talents - i'd teach him to be good looking, witty and charming and play guitar - he could teach me the wine trick and all that healing stuff. it would rule

We could put all these frelling rich doctors out of business with teams of Jesus' (or would the plural be Jesi?) going around healing by touch for free.


Yes but Jesus would then be accused of sexual harassment after attepting to heal a groin strain on some 'sick' person. Hence Jesus gets arrested. The American Administration decide that Jesus is not only a perverted homo but blame him for using his Jesus powers to convince Bush to go to war in Iraq, he and his clonies (cronies I couldn't resist) get either given the death penalty or are given the fashionable organge jumpsuits and relocated to Guatanimo Bay. Bush decides to ban outright all futher attempts at cloning but convinces the Senate to pass a bill legislating the right to clone himself so he/or his clone could effectively ensure that no furhter human cloning was carried out.
Meanwhile the apostles aim to sring a Jesus clone from jail, charged with underage drinking..the clones are only a few months old, he has to call Daddy to come a bail him out as the apostles are useless.
God decends from on high.....but its ok he doesn't inhale. Wonders what he can do with Jesus now?? Then contacts the heavenly oil company-HOC to see if they have anything available.
2years later...
Jesus is happily married to some one he meet at a waffle bar, is solely responsible for the downfall of several companies, owns a baseball team and is rumoured to be running for President. Jesus also vehemently denies that he has fathered any illigitimate children, unlike his father he believes that a child must be concieved in the natural wham bam thank you mam fashion, and demands that all fathers be present at the moment of conception.....