NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, since I am expecting a child soon, I would like to ask the mothers of NS what I should prepare myself for. I have watched and loved children all my life, but having your own makes things different.

If you have any advice at all, I can really use it. Moreover, I can really use some advice from single mothers.....the father of my child unfortunately has passed away. :(

Oh, also, I can use help on baby names for girls. I have decided not to find out the sex until it is born, but I want to be prepared with a name for either sex.

I can really use any suggestions or advice!

Celeste?
Giselle?
Heidi?

Hmm...
Rumplestilskin?

Well since the mothers aren't beating down your door, how about a litle advice from a father of 5.

Breast feed. It's the best nutrition you can offer and it's really the easiest option unless your working. Even then, consider it. Trust me, getting up at 2 am to fix a bottle is not something you want to set yourself up for.

If you feel like you aren't qualified to be a parent, you've just gained membership. We all start out confused and scared with our first, don't let it overwhelm you. You'll muddle through. We all did.

As for girl names, you can have the one my wife rejected for our 4th daughter.

Destiny

Or the one she scrapped for Daughter #3,

Hope

Or the one she declined for #2,

Liberty

She never liked any of the names I came up with :( .

Congrats

I'm not a mother (as I am male) but here's a bunch of names I think are really cool

for girls:
Elizabeth
Jo
Lauren
Raven (a tad bit goth)
Otillia (unusual, but someone in my church group is named this)
Katherine
Anne or Anna
Erzsebet (hungarian for Elizabeth)
Antigone (also a bit goth, pronounced Anne-ti [like in unTIl]-go-nee)
Kay
Roxanne
Alexandra
Samantha

for boys:
Richard
Nathan
Benjamin
Zachary (spelled incorrectly, maybe)
Erik
Knut (also spelled Canute)
Bjorn (pronounced Byorn)
Alexander

Well since the mothers aren't beating down your door, how about a litle advice from a father of 5.

Breast feed. It's the best nutrition you can offer and it's really the easiest option unless your working. Even then, consider it. Trust me, getting up at 2 am to fix a bottle is not something you want to set yourself up for.

If you feel like you aren't qualified to be a parent, you've just gained membership. We all start out confused and scared with our first, don't let it overwhelm you. You'll muddle through. We all did.

As for girl names, you can have the one my wife rejected for our 4th daughter.

Destiny

Or the one she scrapped for Daughter #3,

Hope

Or the one she declined for #2,

Liberty

She never liked any of the names I came up with :( .



Awe, too bad, rejection can be painful. Well, I intended on breastfeeding since I learned I was pregnant. I know the positive benefits of breastfeeding; it is far better for the child, and less work for me. ;)

Oh, I have an intense fear of failure, you can ask my friends on here that I talk to all the time.....it's all I complain about. This baby is the last chance of having my lost love in my life, so I can't screw this up.

As for the names, thank you for the suggestions. I really have been baffled over girls names. I am open to all suggestions because I really have no idea what I would name my baby if it was a girl.

Awe, too bad, rejection can be painful. Well, I intended on breastfeeding since I learned I was pregnant. I know the positive benefits of breastfeeding; it is far better for the child, and less work for me. ;)

Oh, I have an intense fear of failure, you can ask my friends on here that I talk to all the time.....it's all I complain about. This baby is the last chance of having my lost love in my life, so I can't screw this up.

As for the names, thank you for the suggestions. I really have been baffled over girls names. I am open to all suggestions because I really have no idea what I would name my baby if it was a girl.The fact that you're concerned about screwing up means you've passed the first hurdle to becoming a parent. Just don't let your fear paralyze you. I hope you have a good support network in place, family and friends that are nearby. You'll probably need them within the first couple of weeks. Be warned that Post Partum depression is real and can be debilitating. Having someone to talk to is invaluable, you need the face to face contact and sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. Don't let me scare you though, I'm sure you'll do fine.

As for the names, of course it's up to you, but Destiny or Hope seem to suit the circumstances and aren't overly common.

Keep us posted and congratulations.

Well Judy doesn't get much usage these days. You could go biblical with Rachel or Sarah.

If my wife and I ever have quadruplets I might name them Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death just so I could be sure they'd have jobs when they grew up. :D

*note* My wife just read over my shoulder and hit me in the back of the head.

Well, since I'm not a mother (and I'm male), I figure I'll just have to echo what The Lost Planet said about getting a good support network in place. It's invaluable to talk to people who have been where you are going and can tell you the difference between a baby's normal crying and something that needs immediate medical attention.

I'm in another online message board where we have mothers with newborns, mothers with pre-kindergarten and elementary school kids, and one woman who is already a mother-in-law. There is a wealth of experience there that people can draw from and it's invaluable, especially when someone has had an experience and can relate their story to one that someone is just now going through.

Best of luck!

Breast feed. It's the best nutrition you can offer and it's really the easiest option unless your working. Even then, consider it. Trust me, getting up at 2 am to fix a bottle is not something you want to set yourself up for.
Umm...this is almost true. It turns out that in many areas, breat milk is actually toxic to babies. That's not how we evolved, it is a result of out oh so respecful treatment of our environment. Call it karma if you will, though in reality it is ecological and representative of how we can not escape from nature. So, in all seriousness, you could potentially harm your child if you breast feed her, I suggest you either find out, or get a source of nutrition that you know is not harmful.

In respect to names...I prefer unusual ones. I have a friend named Kyle, and she thinks it's pretty cool to have a typically masculine name, as it makes her more individual. I really want to see a girl named Gaia or Gaea some day. Including an "æ" ligature would be pretty awesome too (i.e. Gæa). I really like names with mythological significance. Morrigan or Dectera, from Celtic mythos come to mind; Arachne or Ambrosia would also be very neat (especially the former, that would be an excellent name). Paying attention to the lingual implications and meanings of a name would also be a good idea, in my opinion.

Overall, just give her a name that sets her apart. My parents named me Kevin and my sister Emily. Sure, I'm glad my name is of Irish derivation, but no-one wants to be the 3rd or 4th person of the same name in their class. Not only that, but a unique name just makes a person more proud of themselves and their name. Best bet would be a name you have never encountered a female human with before.

As for girl names, you can have the one my wife rejected for our 4th daughter.

Destiny

Or the one she scrapped for Daughter #3,

Hope

Or the one she declined for #2,

Liberty
Also, never name a child in English if you're in an English-speaking country. I personally find them extremely distasteful as names, and no-one has ever liked being named that. They also receive quite a few cracks relating to their names, since the names are used in everyday speech.

Unusual names are great and can really make a kid unique and add to their personality - provided they're fairly easy to both spell and read. Don't get me wrong, I really do like my name (and it's not even that uncommon), but in elementary school I got a lot of teasing due to subs misreading my name as "Elsie", "Elissa", "Alyssa", etc...also, no one can pronounce it. Even my parents pronounce it different ways. I guess that's why they named my younger sister something much more common.

Don't get me wrong, I really do like my name (and it's not even that uncommon), but in elementary school I got a lot of teasing due to subs misreading my name as "Elsie", "Elissa", "Alyssa", etc...also, no one can pronounce it.
Very good point that I considered addressing. For instance, as awesome as the Hound of Cullan is, Cuchulain (pronounced "koo-who-lin") is not a good baby name.

Very good point that I considered addressing. For instance, as awesome as the Hound of Cullan is, Cuchulain (pronounced "koo-who-lin") is not a good baby name.
Dammit, now I'll have to think of another one! Good thing I wasn't planning on having a son for a while now...

With regards to names, this (http://www.behindthename.com) site has always been useful for me - I use it often when looking for names in my writing. It's also got most popular names by year, so you can see what people are naming their children. I'd advise you to go for the uncommon ones; there's nothing worse than having five boys named "James" in a class.

When picking a name, be very, very careful. Think about logical (and illogical!) derivatives, especially the hurtful ones. Chances are some kid is going to come up with something nasty during your child's education years, but the more it happens, the more they're going to hate their name. Self-worth is a good thing to have.

Resist the urge to apply an "innovative" spelling, too, for the same reasons.

As for specific names, I've always liked "Otis" for some reason. Or "Leon". Names for girls ... "Erin" is nice, in my opinion. I don't know how common it is, though.

I wish you all the best.

~ Tsaraine

Awe, too bad, rejection can be painful. Well, I intended on breastfeeding since I learned I was pregnant. I know the positive benefits of breastfeeding; it is far better for the child, and less work for me. ;)

Oh, I have an intense fear of failure, you can ask my friends on here that I talk to all the time.....it's all I complain about. This baby is the last chance of having my lost love in my life, so I can't screw this up.

As for the names, thank you for the suggestions. I really have been baffled over girls names. I am open to all suggestions because I really have no idea what I would name my baby if it was a girl.
Father of Four here.
Breast feeding is better for the child but no mistake it is MORE work for you not less.
I am not going to say in a negative way--and only a parent will be able to completely perceive positively.
Your life is over.
You now have a single purpose that is not your own.
Everything you do, in some way has bearing on the life you have created.
Ever drink, smoke, candy bar, new pair of shoes, everything.
I am a father four with a $13.00 hour job.
A trip to Mcdonalds can change the date we pay are rent.
All of this is good, though it does not sound that way.
This does not compare to any children you have been around, you have never loved anything the way you will YOUR child. You do not love your man, or mother as much as you will love this child.
I receive strength, and stamina from my children.
I recieve courage, and a self awareness I can not explain.
You will as well, your child will have the temper you show them, the mouth, laughter, they will be what you show them to be---much sooner then you think. So soon you will not be able to change what mistakes you make.

Here is my advice to you,
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children everywhere.
William Makepeace Thackeray,1811-63

God, that is what you have become. You are everything to this child.
Be better then you have been, wiser, and kinder.
Always be constant.

Boy: Michael, William, Ellis
Girl: Aislinn, Aideen, Erika




Good luck Mother.

The parents of a good firend did what I have always felt was a very cool and good for the child thing.

They gave each of their children two names.

One calm, fairly common and the other unusual.

Michael Falcon

Katherine Aurora

that way as they grew up they could decide to be comfortable, not stand outish ( kids can be very brutal with names at times ) or go with the more unusual name.

Bryce ( female)

Morgan - good for both male and female

and if you like Judy , you might want to go with the slightly more formal Judith - that way she could chose the formal or the 'familiar' version. ( my sister has never forgiven mom for going with the informal )

The best of luck and Blessed Be!

girl names:
Alaina
Laurel
Ivy
Natalia
Brielle
Nova
Kyra
Lana
Mieko
Rhayne
Bronwyn


boy names
Hayden
Arden
Zane
Caine
Seth
Khalid
Cade
Gavin

good luck mother to be

Bryce ( female)

is that actually a girls name, or is it one of those unisex ones? im wondering, cause thats my name, and im a guy. either way, i like it.

As for girl names, you can have the one my wife rejected for our 4th daughter.

Destiny

Or the one she scrapped for Daughter #3,

Hope

Or the one she declined for #2,

Liberty

She never liked any of the names I came up with :( .
I think those names rock.

Congratulations. :)
Sorry to hear about the father. :(

Baby Names:

Girls.

Gabriella
Anna
Mary
Marrion
Laura


Boys.

Gabriel
Benjamin
Robert
Hamish
William


P.S.
I am not a father but many of my friends are and they say that it is good if the people at the hospital do not clean the child strait away after birth, just clean the air ways. It sounds strange I know but ask your doctor about it, do not take my word for it. I found it very strange when I heard it and I still do. I have no idea if it works or not.
Just listen to the advise of real parants here.

Well i am not a woman or a mother but i can give you names that could fit your children. :rolleyes:
Girls:
Kelsie
Jenny
Paige
Sabine
Tish
Enia(Italian Name)

Boys
Seny
Jake :D
Jack
John
Niko
Damion

I really appreciate all the advice given so far, and I will keep it in mind. Furthermore I appreciate the names. I have a definate name for a boy, if the baby is a boy, but if it is a girl......oye! I am so stumped on a good girl's name.

I do have fears of losing this baby due to previous miscarriages..... :( However, I am doing everything within my power to have this one. And I am trying to remain optimistic about this one. I am confident though that I will have this one.

I've always liked more traditional English names for kids, things like John for boys and for girls Catherine, Erin, Elizabeth, etc. I'm sorry to hear about the miscarriages, but congratulations and good luck with the new baby!

Congratulations! :) And good luck! I became a Grandmother three weeks ago, and my daughter found the cutest name ever for her baby daughter: Lona Louise. Isn't that a great name? :)

When it comes to breastfeeding, it's nice and good for the baby, but I agree it can be a lot of work. I for one never seemed to be able to produce enough milk. If it doesn't work it's no disaster, though, my two kids (21 and 16 years old at the moment) grew up fine mostly on bottle milk.

As for good advice you have now entered the phase in life where everybody will have an opinion on almost everything you do. Particularly do people who don't have children themselves usually seem to think they know what's best for a child. I think somehow having a baby teaches people they don't know everything they thought they knew... :) So my advice would be: Talk to people you trust and who love you, then follow your own heart and mind. All the best to you! :fluffle:

Awwww, congratulations!
When are you due?
And I am so sorry to hear about the baby's dad. Please make sure that you have a huge circle of friends, family and whatever other help you can get! It is hard enough with two people to take care of an infant, so you will need all the help you can get. In fact don't be afraid to ask for help!
I also recommend that if there is some sort of program available where a nurse or something like that can come to your home and check on the baby and make sure everything is working out, do it. It might seem weird having someone come into your home but it will help to answer any questions you will have.
Read some books, too, the library is of course a great source of material about what to expect from a newborn. You will freak out ten times wondering if those weird gasps are normal and things like that.

But all in all you will be okay, really. Do your best to get SLEEP because you will need it! Forget the housework, when the baby sleeps, you sleep.
And if you end up feeding formula, don't worry. Our son turned out fine, he's 3 1/2, is 40 inches tall and weighs 36 pounds and is as smart as any other kid his age.
One more thing, when you think you're going crazy because the baby's screaming or fussing and you don't know what's wrong and it is 3 in the morning and you have to be at work at 7 and you haven't spoken to your buddies in days and . . . (add five other personal traumas here) . . . they really do grow up, and you will wish you could go back to those days. Honest.

Anyway, best of luck to you, dear! Mothers are the most underappreciated workers in America. (Did you know that other countries give 6 months of PAID leave, or even more?)

I personally love: (yes, they're traditional but beautiful names to me):

Sarah
Anne
Michelle

Also:
Skyler
Madison

And do think about the meaning of the name (sorry I'm going on and on).
Our son is named Samuel David. David is his grandpa's name and his great-uncle's name. It means "beloved" and Samuel means (depending on where you look) "God hears" or "God answers". Thus we interpret his name to mean "beloved answer to a prayer" which he is. Neat, huh?

Ok...so I do not have children of my own...but I used to work in an infant room at a childcare, and i have an early childhood degree. In our classroom we had 4 babies per teacher. (Ages ranging from 6 weeks to 1 year).

~The feeding choice is totally up to you...breastfeeding is the best, but hard to keep up. I suggest doing both....breastfeeding when you are able to, and maybe expressed milk or formula for times when someone else will be feeding your baby. Breastfeeding is also one of the best ways to start forming an emotional bond with your baby!
~Make sure to take time for yourself, and rest as much as you can. Ideally...when the baby is sleeping, you should also try and nap.
~People will tell you not to spoil your baby by picking them up every time they cry. This is not true...infants do not have the mental capacity to understand the concept of "taking advantage of someone." At least until they are about 6 months old, if they cry they really need something, even if it is just some human contact.
~Buy some pimpin toys!!!
~Rock your baby to sleep...again, the emotional bond you start with your child is extremely important.
~Make sure you have lots of practice with diapers!!!

As of now...those are the first things that come to mind...but I would be glad to offer you any more advice if you have any questions!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :fluffle:

Anyway, best of luck to you, dear! Mothers are the most underappreciated workers in America. (Did you know that other countries give 6 months of PAID leave, or even more?)



One year where I come from ;)

Not a mother, but a sister of four brothers.... And one who has watched many people around her have children...

Kaya.
I always loved that name.

Oh, also, I can use help on baby names for girls. I have decided not to find out the sex until it is born, but I want to be prepared with a name for either sex.

I can really use any suggestions or advice!
You only want girl-names, but I've always liked Joran for a boy.

girlname: Laurien!

Well, since I am expecting a child soon....
May God be with you.

...the father of my child unfortunately has passed away. :(
You have my condolences.

I'm not going to suggest any names as I don't have any advice better that what's been offered already.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

mother of two here.

my advice? listen to all the advice everyone gives you. smile and nod and thank them for their concern. there are a lot of people who will tell you the "be all end all" way to raise a baby. acknowledge them, then use very good common sense along with your gut instinct to make decisions. this can be difficult at first, esp. if you have any post baby blues. therefore, find yourself a pediatrician who you trust implicitly with the life of you and your baby who can act as an impartial judge. people mean well, but you can make yourself nuts with all the contradictions.

bravo to you for wanting to breastfeed. however, do not beat yourself up if it doesn't work out for you. people get really vicious over this issue, in particular.

(but, i will say, do read to your baby. anything. and lots. it's a great way to bond. )

in short, be gentle with yourself, and be gentle with your baby. it's a lovely thing to become a mother, and not always easy, especially under your circumstances.

as far as names go, a lot has to do with your last name and making it sound good. i'd have a few in my hip pocket and wait till i meet the little one before settling on a name. you'd be amazed that even a 2 hour old might not look like the esmerelda you were hoping for.

treat yourself well during your pregnancy and one s/he arrives we'll teach you the secret mommy handshake and you get your decoder ring ;)

Ooh, here's another name for a girl: Arden

Anyway, to agree with what was said earlier, reading to your baby is definitely a good idea.

I have talked in the past to Dante on how he wanted to be a father... I'm glad his wish will finally come true. I know because of how you are, and how Dante was your child will be a great person, and I will keep you in my prayers.

And names? Hmmmm
Jessica
Sara
Cathy (my mom :D)
Tracie
Teresa
Jillian
Tiffany
Honor (Would you name your child from a character in a book? I know I would :D It is Honor Harrington, from a series by David Weber)

All of them from women (most real, one not) who have helped shaped my life. I have also know many by the name of Jessica and Sara, three of each, one my sister :D Don't worry about failure, you can not fail, you have to many people behind you, and you are too strong of a person to fail.

Thank you very much for all the advice. This means a lot to me everyone, and as for RSJ, yes, all he wanted out of life was to be a father.....he was a simple man. I think he will take care of his little one though, even though he is no longer with us. :( Dante was a really good person.

I appreciate the names everyone, this is a major help to me, and so is the advice. Please keep it going, because you can never get too much help.

Was there any mothers that lost the father of their child? I am having a hell of a hard time coping with that......and I just want to know how others coped with it.

Well, since I am expecting a child soon, I would like to ask the mothers of NS what I should prepare myself for. I have watched and loved children all my life, but having your own makes things different.

If you have any advice at all, I can really use it. Moreover, I can really use some advice from single mothers.....the father of my child unfortunately has passed away. :(

Oh, also, I can use help on baby names for girls. I have decided not to find out the sex until it is born, but I want to be prepared with a name for either sex.

I can really use any suggestions or advice!


Can't advise you as a mother, obviously, but as one who has been the stay-at-home dad for the first years of my children's lives, I can tell you the following:

You enjoy sleep? Well, get over it. You've got a good 4-5 years before you get your regular sleep patterns back.

Remember those movies that made no sense to you before and you wondered why certain people were teary eyed at the end? Watch them again. You'll get it.

Ever had that dream where you're falling and you know you're going to die and there's this overwhelming panicy rush of emotions and fear? Get used to it. It'll now occur while you're awake.

Parenthood: The toughest job you'll ever love and can't quit and don't get vacations.

As for names ....
Girl: December Elizabeth
Boy: Hayden Michael

It will be a bitch, no doubt. My least concern is sleep. It did not exist to me for a year now.....I had other problems that kept me up at night. A baby will be a relief from the nightmares and fears.

This is personal, and since tonight I need to talk about it, I am going to say this. The father of my baby was shot accidentially; taking a bullet for his little neice. I did not sleep at all really during that time. I was afraid every second of the day to get the phone call he died. He lived through that though, medicine is what killed him in the end....not a bullet, not his heart or transplant, but medicine....

During that time though, I slept barely any. I got used to functioning under no sleep though. You cut extensive exercise and over eating out and you can function better, or at least for me.

Now with the baby though, my diet has changed, but after wards, I will manage something. I need to. I am really the only one there for this baby.

It will be a bitch, no doubt.

Yes, it will be. However, there will never be a moment in your life that you regret it. No matter how tough things get, no matter how big the hospital bills get when the clumsy fucker decides to head-dive out of the bus after school, no matter how many "F"s you see on those report cards ... nothing can ever make you regret it.

You've had life inside you that has become a living, breathing, thinking human being with feelings, emotions, loves, hates, desires, and goals.

I don't like to quote the Bible, but when Cain was born, Eve said, "I will name him Cain for just as God has created life, so have I." This was Eve's "fuck you" to God ... saying, "Look what I can do, bitch!"

No regrets. Enjoy this.


My least concern is sleep.

GOOD! :D

This is personal, and since tonight I need to talk about it, I am going to say this. The father of my baby was shot accidentially; taking a bullet for his little neice. I did not sleep at all really during that time. I was afraid every second of the day to get the phone call he died. He lived through that though, medicine is what killed him in the end....not a bullet, not his heart or transplant, but medicine....

I am deeply sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, I cannot relate. The only relation to it I have is explaining to my kids why my mother's husband is not their true "Paw-Paw", but that my father - who died long before my children were born - is my father. Eventually children understand. I am truly saddened by your loss and I hope that everything goes well for you, but I also am aware that there is nothing I could say that would take away the pain, lonliness, and anguish that you must be feeling.

Time, my dear, truly does heal. It may leave a nasty scar, but it does heal.