NationStates Jolt Archive

Ill start off, you follow up!

1. Ask them movie quotes, my personal favorite is "Do chickens have large talons?"- Napoleon Dynamite.

2. Start singing your favorite song! Or start singing a really bad song, like Chers latest album. I like to start singing Helter Skelter by the Beatles.

3. Tell them your in the middle of something, while breathing really hard, than ask them if they can lend you 10 bucks?

4. Say to them after they ask if you would like to buy it "Yes! If you can answer me these questions three!" Ask them three questions.

5. After they are done talking, say hello, you have reached the home of *your name* please leave a message after the beep. Than say, beep!

6. Ask for their home # and if you can call them back there.

7. Start breathing really heavily till they hang up.

take it from there!

i try and sell mine penguins....("improves user satisfaction 50%!")

When they try to get me to change my long distance plan I tell them I don't have a phone. When they ask me how I'm talking to them I tell them "I don't know. You called me, you explain it." No matter what they say I insist I don't have a phone. I once kept a woman on the line for a good 12 minutes that way.

2 words

Phone. Sex.

2 words

Phone. Sex.

Brilliant!

10. Ask them why they are trying to sell you Penis enlargers? And demand if they dont dance you will call the police.

11. Ask them out. Ask what state they live in. Whatever they say, tell them you live their also!

12. Im outta ideas!

Blow up a paper bag, then either poke it with a needle or jump on it to create a loud bang. Say, "Aug, I've been shot!" Then hang up.

Blow up a paper bag, then either poke it with a needle or jump on it to create a loud bang. Say, "Aug, I've been shot!" Then hang up.
I love Calvin and Hobbes :D

Tell them you have to ask your mom/dad/wife/husband first. Then put your finger on the horn and wait.

I love Calvin and Hobbes :D

I'm glad someone caught it.

Whoot!

Ask for four large pizzas, with the works

Say "Just a minute", lay down the phone and walk off.

start speaking in that alphabet that the military uses. Alpha, Bravo, Charlie etc... (can't remember what it is called)

Auf Deutsch sprechen.

Record the sound of a modem dialing up, then play it at them and make bleeping noises.

Oh, and when people fill your mailbox with spam, if you have extra money to waste for postage, send it all back to them. But first, draw on it! Smily faces, big yellow suns, etc.

two words, fog horn :p (yes i have done it befor, but hold it back a ways from the phone when you do it or it might cause them to go death, and then you would be in a whole world of shit)

Record the sound of a modem dialing up, then play it at them and make bleeping noises.

Oh, and when people fill your mailbox with spam, if you have extra money to waste for postage, send it all back to them. But first, draw on it! Smily faces, big yellow suns, etc.
If you receive too much junk mail, do what I used to do. Make up a form letter. The pyramid on the back of the one dollar bill makes a good letterhead. The letter should be rambling, paranoid and incoherent, but not threatening (for legal reasons). Use their postage paid return envelopes to send them a copy of your form letter, signed in crayon, and bits of aluminum foil.

Act retarded. They aren't supposed to hang up on you according to there regulations. My friend kept one of them phone for 30 minutes using this system.

Sound as paranoid as possible, but say you've been looking for a new phone company. Ask them if any of their company's satellites were bought from the Russian Black market, because,"They're always listening in. Always. You can hear them breathing sometimes..... SHHHH! Did you hear that? ..... Call me back from a secure line and we'll talk more..."

I actually had a guy call me back once, trying to convince me their lines were all secure.

Or just call them cocksuckers and tell them to never call back.

Ask them for their home phone number because you want to discuss the sale when they're sat at home chilling out after a day's work.

Or tell them your partner is interested and say you will go and get them and just leave the phone on the side still connected....for as long as.

When they try to get me to change my long distance plan I tell them I don't have a phone. When they ask me how I'm talking to them I tell them "I don't know. You called me, you explain it." No matter what they say I insist I don't have a phone. I once kept a woman on the line for a good 12 minutes that way.

That's brilliant! I'll have to try that one soon!

But honestly, these poor people who do cold calls - it's gotta be one of THE WORST jobs EVER. I usually try not to make their calls too hellish - just say, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested, please take me off your list." And hang up immediately after.

If you receive too much junk mail, do what I used to do. Make up a form letter. The pyramid on the back of the one dollar bill makes a good letterhead. The letter should be rambling, paranoid and incoherent, but not threatening (for legal reasons). Use their postage paid return envelopes to send them a copy of your form letter, signed in crayon, and bits of aluminum foil.
I love it!

What do you mean by "the pyramid on the back of the one dollar bill makes a good letterhead"?

Another good one is to mimic the caller. Not as in repeat what they say, but adopt their speech patterns and tone.
:D

That's brilliant! I'll have to try that one soon!

But honestly, these poor people who do cold calls - it's gotta be one of THE WORST jobs EVER. I usually try not to make their calls too hellish - just say, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested, please take me off your list." And hang up immediately after.
I used to telemarket. It stinks. There are better jobs out there. Most people who telemarket figure that out pretty quickly. There's a high employee turnover rate.

I love it!

What do you mean by "the pyramid on the back of the one dollar bill makes a good letterhead"?
Photocopy a one dollar bill, cut out the pyramid part leaving the rest of the dollar behind, tape it to the top center of the original copy of the form letter, and make copies of the original as needed to mail out.

Oh, I forgot to mention you should quote irrelevant portions of the bible and parts of H.P. Lovecraft stories liberally throughout the letter.

I rather enjoyed one time when I telemarketer happened to call while I was watching "Saving Private Ryan" as I simply turned my television's volumed up to the maximum, and then said I was "a little busy."

Another fun method I heard once was the "lonely creepy guy" method. Tell the telemarketer that they mean a lot to you and you really care about them, then ask them if they feel the same way and would like to meet you sometime.

When they try to get me to change my long distance plan I tell them I don't have a phone. When they ask me how I'm talking to them I tell them "I don't know. You called me, you explain it." No matter what they say I insist I don't have a phone. I once kept a woman on the line for a good 12 minutes that way.

Sorry-- I just nodded into this thread, and I've hardly read anything, but that's the best thing ever, Drunk Commies. I'm laughing my head off.

Sorry-- I just nodded into this thread, and I've hardly read anything, but that's the best thing ever, Drunk Commies. I'm laughing my head off.
Thanks. Try it. It's great if you can keep from laughing on the phone.

I used to telemarket. It stinks. There are better jobs out there. Most people who telemarket figure that out pretty quickly. There's a high employee turnover rate.

Yeah, that's not surprising. My mom telemarketed for awhile - she said she and her coworkers would ALWAYS write down whether a person had said he didn't want to be called back, and of course the company is supposed to abide by that, but ultimately the telemarketers discovered that the company simply recycled all the names, no matter what. She always hated calling people who said they had asked to be taken off their list - they usually weren't so pleasant!

ask them stupid things like what colour their bathroom is painted and what colour eyes they have, then ask them if they enjoy biscuits while reading novels in the bath and listening to tranquil ape music

answer them in song or recite poetry

Thanks. Try it. It's great if you can keep from laughing on the phone.

Actually, that's an idea. Just start laughing. Treat everything they say as if it's the funniest thing you've ever heard, and if they try to hang up, insist that you're really interested, and then start laughing again. It just might catch on... you might make some poor telemarketer's day.

pretend you are performing open heart surgery, by shouting stem the bleeding , and scalpel and clear and ask them to call at a better time

Play the crazy frog tune over and over again...make sure you have earmuffs on though :rolleyes:

Tell them you need to practice your opera, and ask if they'll listen to you a bit and give thier opinions. Then warble a few notes in falsetto.


Or, pick up the phone and greet them by whistling "Blister In the Sun". Then don't stop. Don't say a word, just keep whistling.

this is hilarious!

pretend you're a kinky phone sex service . . . ('course that might make their day!!)

I just put the phone off the hook. And just leave it like that for about an hour.

Wanna lick my eyeball?


NO!

*shudders*

Act interested but randomly ask random questions. Like that one. When they don't give the answer you want, be sad. And say random stuff. "Wow cool, I just found my pocket. I lost it."

NO!

*shudders*

Act interested but randomly ask random questions. Like that one. When they don't give the answer you want, be sad. And say random stuff. "Wow cool, I just found my pocket. I lost it."
Say things like "I'm the Pope of Canada." That will confuse them good. goodly? well? wellly? I dunno.