NationStates Jolt Archive

Just wondering, me and a couple of friends are having a bit of a war at the moment, and I'm wondering about how many times it's okay to forgive someone who repeatedly hurts you and people you love before it just starts getting ridiculous. Any thoughts?

Depends on whom I supposed to forgive.

I've been told that I forgive too easily, so I'm not the best one to hand out advice. But I can tell you the following about myself:

Number of times I will forgive someone for hurting me: Never actually hit the limit on this one.

Number of times I will forgive someone for hurting a loved one: Once, and only then if they apologize profusely and actively avoid doing it again.

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I've been told that I forgive too easily, so I'm not the best one to hand out advice. But I can tell you the following about myself:

Number of times I will forgive someone for hurting me: Never actually hit the limit on this one.

Number of times I will forgive someone for hurting a loved one: Once, and only then if they apologize profusely and actively avoid doing it again.
Same for me.

Depends on whom I supposed to forgive.

Well, say it's your best friend, and they just keep hurting you and your other friends, as well as lying. Endlessly. And then lying about lying. And then again.

Well, say it's your best friend, and they just keep hurting you and your other friends, as well as lying. Endlessly. And then lying about lying. And then again.

I'd say that he's not your best friend.

Well, say it's your best friend, and they just keep hurting you and your other friends, as well as lying. Endlessly. And then lying about lying. And then again.
3 times a charme.

^ what Sdaeriji said.... also what Von Witzleben said

everyone is beating me... to it, that is.

Well, say it's your best friend, and they just keep hurting you and your other friends, as well as lying. Endlessly. And then lying about lying. And then again.

Sometimes its time to say 'Good riddance to bad rubbish'.

That being said, do you know why this person is behaving this way? Maybe they need help?

One of the most painful relationships (friendship) I ever had was in highschool. My best friend turned out to have bipolar disorder. As it progressed without being treated, her life and the lives who cared about her, became very difficult. It took a lot of work on our part to get her to seek treatment.

Similarly, someone I knew in university turned out to have a secret drug problem. Again, they were hurting everyone around them. We could have walked away, but instead we joined forces to get her into drug treatment. I wish I could say it was successful and we all lived happily ever after, but unfortunately no. I ended up severing ties with her because I couldn't take it anymore. Of course, that just made things worse for her and her family since I removed myself from the support network, but staying in it would have been much worse for me.

It's OK to forgive a person for as long as you're OK with them walking all over you.

Seven or eight. Unless it's Saddam Hussein you're forgiving, in which case only four or five times. Unless you're Jesus, in which case lots.

I'd say that he's not your best friend.
Agreed.

My best friend is such because he's a sweet guy who went out of his way to befriend me.

I forgive people endlessly. As far as trusting the person or even talking to them anymore, that's a different story. You can forgive someone without having to totally put yourself at their mercy, you know. I forgive my grandfather for being a bit of a racist, but that's how he was raised. That doesn't mean I like it or even want to talk to him much necessarily, but I at least understand that is who he is and probably doesn't do it just to hurt people (I hope).

I forgive almost everything except knowingly and willfully causing me or someone else harm. I have to trust friends, and in return they can trust me. If they do what I mentioned the trust thing doesn't pan out.

Just wondering, me and a couple of friends are having a bit of a war at the moment, and I'm wondering about how many times it's okay to forgive someone who repeatedly hurts you and people you love before it just starts getting ridiculous. Any thoughts?
For the same sort of thing, once. Once and only once. If they make different mistakes further down the line then it varies. Depends on how bad they fucked up and if I get the feeling it's intentional.

Well, say it's your best friend, and they just keep hurting you and your other friends, as well as lying. Endlessly. And then lying about lying. And then again.
Stop hanging out with him. Take stronger action if you deem it necessary, but don't get caught.

NEVER

Just wondering, me and a couple of friends are having a bit of a war at the moment, and I'm wondering about how many times it's okay to forgive someone who repeatedly hurts you and people you love before it just starts getting ridiculous. Any thoughts?


IMO, we should always forgive. That doesn't mean you should stay in an abusive or harmful situation. Its okay to say, "when your ready to behave in a calm rational manner, I'm still your friend and I'd like to work things out, but I'm not going to fight about it (whatever it is) anymore."

Just wondering, me and a couple of friends are having a bit of a war at the moment, and I'm wondering about how many times it's okay to forgive someone who repeatedly hurts you and people you love before it just starts getting ridiculous. Any thoughts?

4

After you've had to forgive someone 4 times in a short period of time, That should be it. After that, the rest is probably just ,more BS.

Well, say it's your best friend, and they just keep hurting you and your other friends, as well as lying. Endlessly. And then lying about lying. And then again.

OMG. Screw him. Stick a smokebomb in his mailbox and throw firecrackers at his house. Set all Hell on him go to www.rottenegss.com (www.rotteneggs.com)

Ah, you guys crack me up.

Things are *sort of* okay again now, though. Not exactly. Some of us are pretending nothing ever happened and the rest are throwing oranges at each other (seriously - is that normal?), but we're all talking, which is better than yesterday. Admittedly, *most* of what's being said is along the lines of : '**** off you ******* *****/******* you are such a ***'.

Maybe we all ought to work out if we're going to forgive girl in question or not. I suppose that'll happen when the oranges run out.

NEVER

EXACTLY

Once someone screws up it goes on the list and they get dropped down a notch. If they keep screwing up they are done, if they do something nice, it goes on the list and they are bumped up a notch.

Just wondering, me and a couple of friends are having a bit of a war at the moment, and I'm wondering about how many times it's okay to forgive someone who repeatedly hurts you and people you love before it just starts getting ridiculous. Any thoughts?

Seven times seven, or 49, IIRC.

the rest are throwing oranges at each other (seriously - is that normal?).
aaah the good old days throwing oranges at eachother on the field...those were the days...

"fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me"

Not quite fitting, but more or less gets it across...I'd cut them off the second time.

Guess it depends who they are. I think if I'd cut someone off and I genuinely cared about them, if I was confident that they had changed, then I'd let them back into my life. although I wouldn't put up with any crap!

Matthew 18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
16 "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.'
17 "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
18 "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.
20 "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
23 "Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24 "And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.
25 "But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.
26 "The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'
27 "Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
28 "But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!'
29 "So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'
30 "And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.
31 "So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.
32 "Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.
33 'Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?'
34 "And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
35 "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

Seven times seven, or 49, IIRC.

Isn't it supposed to be "70 x 7" or am I totally forgetting the quote?

Edit: Ah, someone beat me to it with the passage in question.

aaah the good old days throwing oranges at eachother on the field...those were the days...

Great, it's normal. What kind of oranges did you use?

Great, it's normal. What kind of oranges did you use?


My sibs and I were more fond of freshly fallen walnuts. :eek: They leave a beautiful yellow/green stain on whatever they hit. :eek:

My sibs and I were more fond of freshly fallen walnuts. :eek: They leave a beautiful yellow/green stain on whatever they hit. :eek:

That'll be great when everyone realises they're spending a fortune on ORANGES. Tsk. Stupid healthy food.

Just wondering, me and a couple of friends are having a bit of a war at the moment, and I'm wondering about how many times it's okay to forgive someone who repeatedly hurts you and people you love before it just starts getting ridiculous. Any thoughts?

Don't harbor a grudge. Ever. Keeping all of that bitterness inside will result in you becoming a horrible person to put up with.

I'm pretty much the polar opposite of Dempublicents. I am absolutely terrible about forgiving people.

That said, it would depend on how badly I was hurt and how genuine the other person's 1) apology and 2) efforts to make amends are.

"fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me"

Not quite fitting, but more or less gets it across...I'd cut them off the second time.
I prefer "fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice......Won't get fooled again"

Don't harbor a grudge. Ever. Keeping all of that bitterness inside will result in you becoming a horrible person to put up with.
Exactly. Take revenge swiftly.

Just wondering, me and a couple of friends are having a bit of a war at the moment, and I'm wondering about how many times it's okay to forgive someone who repeatedly hurts you and people you love before it just starts getting ridiculous. Any thoughts?

As often as you like... it's free.

<snip>
The exact passage depends upon the translation. For those interested, The Gospel according to Matthew (http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0839/__PVR.HTM) as hosted on the Vatican website.

To "forgive" means to assert that you hope that they improve, that they learn from their mistakes, and that they become a better person. Forgiving someone does not mean that you blindly trust them, it does not mean that you pretend that whatever happened didn't happen to begin with, nor does it mean that you pretend everything's hunky-dory... because it's not. If you know that someone has a propensity to sin in a particular manner, then you should take the appropriate precautions. If they're a habitual liar, then you take anything they say with a grain of salt. If they have a propensity to steal, then you don't leave your posessions unguarded in their presence. Forgiving someone does not mean exposing yourself to unnecessary risks. What forgiving someone does mean is that you don't desire vengeance, that you don't hate them, that you don't wish them harm, that you hope that they will become a better person, that you have pity on them and pray for them. It may be necessary for you to keep your distance and to stop associating with them for a while until they get over their problem, at least for your own protection, but you don't harbor a grudge against them.

You forgive others knowing that they're going to sin again. We are all sinners, we are all imperfect. We all need forgiveness, some more than others, but we all need forgiveness. None of us are perfect, and any who claim to be are either jesting or lying. How many of us have sinned and regretted it, asking forgiveness, only to sin again? Many, I would imagine.

That's the ideal I aim for. It's a hard ideal to follow, and I can't honestly claim to always be successful at it, but that's that ideal I try to aim for.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

"Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him."
-- Luke 17:3-4, KJV

That'll be great when everyone realises they're spending a fortune on ORANGES. Tsk. Stupid healthy food.

LOL Actually, we're very lucky none of us got seriously injured. Those things are about as hard as baseballs. Guess our guardian angels were looking out for us.

As often as you like... it's free.Pretty much my reply.

Only I would have phrased it "As many as it takes."

Ah, I see.

So, what I *ought* to do, is to forgive her, but to keep in mind that that does not mean that everything is okay; does not mean that I absolutely trust her; does not mean that it is pretending that nothing ever happened, but that I accept she - everyone - has faults which are not always under control.

So, me and co. should, kind of, accept that stuff happens and get on with our lives. Right?

(btw.

LOL Actually, we're very lucky none of us got seriously injured. Those things are about as hard as baseballs. Guess our guardian angels were looking out for us.

Yeah, it probably hurt, but have you ever had a large tangerine thrown directly at your head during your *English lesson*?)

I'll 'forgive' someone as many times as is needed. But then, if someone does something to lose my trust, they get completely cut out of my social circle, so they only usually get one chance to be forgiven. Luckily I have a *very* small social circle, so I don't have to worry much about friends and ex-friends and having to deal with any of that.

So... I'll forgive people, in the sense that I'll stop being upset, and won't hold any specific grudge against them. But they certainly don't get a second chance to lose my trust after the first time.

I guess this is really just another [omg-giant-red-text]NEVAR![/omg-giant-red-text] post, but I thought I'd randomly clarify the process I use.

What can I say, it's early morning and I'm bored.

77 times. Be literal, people.

Pretty much my reply.

Only I would have phrased it "As many as it takes."

Also good. :)

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In the book Sermon on the Mount, it is suggested that God forgives 7 times 70. It appears that you have a long way to go?

Ah, I see.

So, what I *ought* to do, is to forgive her, but to keep in mind that that does not mean that everything is okay; does not mean that I absolutely trust her; does not mean that it is pretending that nothing ever happened, but that I accept she - everyone - has faults which are not always under control.
Precisely.

So, me and co. should, kind of, accept that stuff happens and get on with our lives. Right?
As best you can, yes. If you are in a position where it is possible and appropriate to help her with her problems, then so much the better. The next best thing is to brace yourself if and when these problems come up again.

I don't know if you're catholic, or even christian. Nevertheless, may the grace and guidance of God be with you.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

77 times. Be literal, people.
Love knows no boundries.