NationStates Jolt Archive

I've been genuinely concerned about how Christianity has been misrepresented recently so I have taken it upon myself to clarify and re-enforce the truth of the matter.

Hetreosexuality is a sin

I refer you to The Book of Bullshiticus, in which if interpreted correctly it clearly states God will punish those who engage in these un-holy acts.

Let not a man and woman rolleth in thy barn

Jesus was a abortion doctor until he became a missionary

During the years un-accounted in tradition bible texts we know understand that Christ was busy carying out abortions, first century style. We learn this from the poorly documented and possibly comminust disciple Bob.

And ye did Jesus tour the lands and pry infants from the wombs and mother and deliver them under the land the shadows and death.

When this was done cries of joy and gunshot rang out accross the lands

Jesus was really Asian

Many of those at the temple became angry and the Lord as His squinting doth annoy them much and never stop.

Now you know the truth you can stop asking me why I can be Catholic and still continuing b!tch about the Pope.

There needs to be a rule against people posting utter nonsense on the fourms. None of those verses are in the bible...

None of those verses are in the bible...
NO FUCKING WAY!!!!
Really?
Well thanks for the heads up bro

NO FUCKING WAY!!!!
Really?
Well thanks for the heads up bro

Shut up you pratt!

Is there any point to this topic or is it yet again another pointless attack on christianity?
Some people believe and it brings them happiness and comfort, ok! I'm getting sick of the constant stream of rubbish BOTH sides keep on saying. Shut up the lot of you and get on with your lives.

Is there any point to this topic or is it yet again another pointless attack on christianity?

*CoughRotoviaisachristianCough*

There needs to be a rule against people posting utter nonsense on the fourms. None of those verses are in the bible...
I really hope you didnt go looking for the Book of Bullshiticus.

It is truly sad and pathetic that in order for some impotent grade school level minds, insulting a very important part of many peoples lives is considered acceptable humor.
It would be different if this were actually funny--Like the spoof site BethelBaptist, that is funny Christian bashing--and I am Christian.
This tripe is for simple minded mouth breathing bafoons who in between HaloII and materbating to the new graphics chip decide they display their "intellectual prowess" with "witty satire".
Unfortunately for me I have long way to go as a Christian.
I know this because I most assuradly stop the piss out of you were you to be man enough to say something like that in my presence much less to me.

It is people like this thread starter who feed into a cultural gap between people of differing veiw points.
Claiming to not understand Christianty--is one thing, claiming to be amused by it is one thing,--simply insulting is an infantile and monolithically crude way over a billion people because you think you know something-that you obviously dont, well that is quite another.
piss off.

*CoughRotoviaisachristianCough*
I suppose that depends on your definition.

Shut up you pratt!

Is there any point to this topic or is it yet again another pointless attack on christianity?
Some people believe and it brings them happiness and comfort, ok! I'm getting sick of the constant stream of rubbish BOTH sides keep on saying. Shut up the lot of you and get on with your lives.
No

I suppose that depends on your definition.
Riight. Catholics aren't Christians.

How is the new tract coming along Jack?

I suppose that depends on your definition.

mine basically is - believes that jesus was the son of god and died for the of the world.

other definitions strecth to include those people with a SENSE OF HUMOUR

Shut up you pratt!

Is there any point to this topic or is it yet again another pointless attack on christianity?
Some people believe and it brings them happiness and comfort, ok! I'm getting sick of the constant stream of rubbish BOTH sides keep on saying. Shut up the lot of you and get on with your lives.
I forgive you this pointless flame my brother, for as it says in the good book itself

There shall be humourless people woe to thee oh Israel how ye shall lament "how can they not get the fucking joke lord?"

Riight. Catholics aren't Christians.

How is the new tract coming along Jack?
Since when?
Catholics are Christians.
Dont try to presume to know me--I never posted Catholics arent Christians.
Roto may claim to be any religion he wants--that post is not Christian--and no Christian would post it.
Piss ant.

mine basically is - believes that jesus was the son of god and died for the of the world.

other definitions strecth to include those people with a SENSE OF HUMOUR
Well when I see something funny I will laugh, that post was weakminded dribble.

What the hell is the point of this. Not only do I not feel enlightened, but I don't even know what to discuss.

:confused:

I really hope you didnt go looking for the Book of Bullshiticus.

It is truly sad and pathetic that in order for some impotent grade school level minds, insulting a very important part of many peoples lives is considered acceptable humor.
It would be different if this were actually funny--Like the spoof site BethelBaptist, that is funny Christian bashing--and I am Christian.
This tripe is for simple minded mouth breathing bafoons who in between HaloII and materbating to the new graphics chip decide they display their "intellectual prowess" with "witty satire".
Unfortunately for me I have long way to go as a Christian.
I know this because I most assuradly stop the piss out of you were you to be man enough to say something like that in my presence much less to me.

It is people like this thread starter who feed into a cultural gap between people of differing veiw points.
Claiming to not understand Christianty--is one thing, claiming to be amused by it is one thing,--simply insulting is an infantile and monolithically crude way over a billion people because you think you know something-that you obviously dont, well that is quite another.
piss off.
Agreed.
If your going to bash my religion, please try to be funny.
I am moderatly sure that if I posted something like:

The Book of Allah
And Allah said, go forth and blow thyself up in nurseries, for it is good
I would be flamed, and most likely the mods would cause me pain.
The same if I did anything similar towards most other religions. God forbid that I make fun of Wicca, or Hindu.
Yet worse, what if I tell them theyre WRONG!?
But whatever, continue jerking off to your new graphics chip.

What the hell is the point of this. Not only do I not feel enlightened, but I don't even know what to discuss.

:confused:
Its a joke, not original or sidesplitting funny, but a joke nonetheless- if you dont get it//like it , fair enough.

Since when?
Catholics are Christians.

Sorry that's what it looked like. Rotovia stated in the opening post :

why I can be Catholic

But it together with what you replied to me saying that Rotovia is a Catholic, and I doubt it was a huge leap of reasoning the conclude what I did.

Dont try to presume to know me--I never posted Catholics arent Christians.
Roto may claim to be any religion he wants--that post is not Christian--and no Christian would post it.

Don't pressume to know Rotovia;)

The evidence seems to be against you.

Piss ant.

Are you sure there is a space there?

Well when I see something funny I will laugh, that post was weakminded dribble.
Well, I think we can agree on that.

Well when I see something funny I will laugh, that post was weakminded dribble.

so was monty python but, many people laugh when they see it. sense of humour is subjective. but you can tell when someone doesn't have one when they can't tell when another person's joking.

like it says in Bastardus 13:7

'some like it hot and some like it cold. some like it up the arse and thats ok with me' - jesus (b. dec 25th 0000 - d. ?)

I really hope you didnt go looking for the Book of Bullshiticus.

It is truly sad and pathetic that in order for some impotent grade school level minds, insulting a very important part of many peoples lives is considered acceptable humor.
It would be different if this were actually funny--Like the spoof site BethelBaptist, that is funny Christian bashing--and I am Christian.
This tripe is for simple minded mouth breathing bafoons who in between HaloII and materbating to the new graphics chip decide they display their "intellectual prowess" with "witty satire".
Unfortunately for me I have long way to go as a Christian.
I know this because I most assuradly stop the piss out of you were you to be man enough to say something like that in my presence much less to me.

It is people like this thread starter who feed into a cultural gap between people of differing veiw points.
Claiming to not understand Christianty--is one thing, claiming to be amused by it is one thing,--simply insulting is an infantile and monolithically crude way over a billion people because you think you know something-that you obviously dont, well that is quite another.
piss off.
I like the way you ended that with piss off it reminds me of a friend who gave a long account of a series of multi-partner sexual experiences and ended it with I swear I'm not a whore. Plus, it goes miles towards you Christianity, but let's not dwell on your hypocracy, after all it's merely the trademark of the modern church.

I failed to notice any reference to Halo or masterbation in my post, however I could be mistaken so I'll aggree. Dispite the fact I have never played Halo in my life I frequently masterbate to my computer's graphics chip. I am taking the liberty of assuming the graphics chip is located inside the mouse.

I also hate to disapoint you, but a cultural gap generally excists between people of differing veiwpoints. I just enjoy prying it open and urinating into the gorge.

I like the way you pointed out that my post is infantile and monolithic, because that statement has so many gaps in it's logic I'll be laughing for seconds. I say seconds because I have a short attention span and may be distracted by lint.

In conclusion; :fluffle:

Hmm we should make a nationstates bible.

I really hope you didnt go looking for the Book of Bullshiticus.

It is truly sad and pathetic that in order for some impotent grade school level minds, insulting a very important part of many peoples lives is considered acceptable humor.
It would be different if this were actually funny--Like the spoof site BethelBaptist, that is funny Christian bashing--and I am Christian.
This tripe is for simple minded mouth breathing bafoons who in between HaloII and materbating to the new graphics chip decide they display their "intellectual prowess" with "witty satire".
Unfortunately for me I have long way to go as a Christian.
I know this because I most assuradly stop the piss out of you were you to be man enough to say something like that in my presence much less to me.

It is people like this thread starter who feed into a cultural gap between people of differing veiw points.
Claiming to not understand Christianty--is one thing, claiming to be amused by it is one thing,--simply insulting is an infantile and monolithically crude way over a billion people because you think you know something-that you obviously dont, well that is quite another.
piss off.

real motuh breathing 'bafoons' can at least spell buffoons properly. were you not educated or perhaps you are more closely related to the apes than the rest of us

:eek: HOW RUDE! All I have to say is if you are clarifying christians as this, you obviusly aren't one. So that means you will BURN IN HELL! Thank you...but no thank you. I'm majorly offended, and I hope that anyone who reads this will search for the real God, and the meaning of christianity! Everything he said is TOTALLY wrong and unright.
-Angella

Its a joke, not original or sidesplitting funny, but a joke nonetheless- if you dont get it//like it , fair enough.

I see, I don't find too many Christians who find heresy humorous, so when I found out he was a Catholic, I was a little confused. Although the word "accorfing" cracked me up.

By the way that was The Epistle of Vitto to the Ordinations 1:76, The Epistle of Vitto to the Ordination 2:99 is:

And Jesus came amongst the people and sayeth, "You are on the way to destruction," to which the people respondeth "What you say?" Jesus replyeth "You have no chance to survive make your time."

well this like a gd old little arguement type thing goin on here so lets throw a spanner in the works of it all................................................................................................. .................................................................................................... ........GOD IS NOT REAL
i have reason for this view but they are to personel to put here, but one thing i shall say is if this "god" is real why does he wipe out over 100,000 people the day after we celibrate his sons birth???
if someone could answer that id be impressed.

:eek: HOW RUDE! All I have to say is if you are clarifying christians as this, you obviusly aren't one. So that means you will BURN IN HELL! Thank you...but no thank you. I'm majorly offended, and I hope that anyone who reads this will search for the real God, and the meaning of christianity! Everything he said is TOTALLY wrong and unright.
-Angella

The Book of Bob 3:14

"And lo, they did sayeth that he shalleth burneth in Hell, but he dideth not feareth, for he hadeth beateth Hell numerous times, gettingeth phat l3wt from Diablo."

I see, I don't find too many Christians who find heresy humorous, so when I found out he was a Catholic, I was a little confused. Although the word "accorfing" cracked me up.

By the way that was The Epistle of Vitto to the Ordinations 1:76, The Epistle of Vitto to the Ordination 2:99 is:

Originally Posted by The Epistle of Vitto to the Ordination 2:99
And Jesus came amongst the people and sayeth, "You are on the way to destruction," to which the people respondeth "What you say?" Jesus replyeth "You have no chance to survive make your time."



you must have a different translation from me - my bible says

The Epistle of Vitto to the Ordination 2:99
And Jesus came amongst the people and sayeth, "You are on the way to destruction," and the people did quake and as one spake.
"Nay, Jesus, we are on our way to the dry-cleaners - you just came amongst us." And seeing what he had done, Jesus did blush and apologise. "I'm sorry, bill me."

but one thing i shall say is if this "god" is real why does he wipe out over 100,000 people the day after we celibrate his sons birth???
if someone could answer that id be impressed.

The Book of Cthulhu Aleph-null:i

"And lo, Great Cthulhu saideth, 'I hate you all.'"

:eek: HOW RUDE! All I have to say is if you are clarifying christians as this, you obviusly aren't one. So that means you will BURN IN HELL! Thank you...but no thank you. I'm majorly offended, and I hope that anyone who reads this will search for the real God, and the meaning of christianity! Everything he said is TOTALLY wrong and unright.
-Angella
like I am sure you are about your faith

-Me

GOD IS NOT REAL
i have reason for this view but they are to personel to put here, but one thing i shall say is if this "god" is real why does he wipe out over 100,000 people the day after we celibrate his sons birth???
if someone could answer that id be impressed.
I am ashamed that you would say that! So you think that just because people die...it's because God is punishing them. You obviusly didn't understand why we celebrate his son's birth. Jesus died for our sins. He loves us and wants to keep us from harm. It's he people that are killing one another and therselves. OUR WORLD IS SCREWED UP, and he's tried his best to fix it. People who write post, like the one who started this thread, is a perfect example of a person who has no respect for God, so I don't exactly understand why you expect God to love us...when we obviusly don't show our respect to him.
-Angella (a very oppinonated Christian)
PS as I said in my previous post- I hope all who read this search for the real God, and the true meaning of christianity!

I'd like to make a statement, if I may. Of course I may, who's going to stop me? Sata....Santa?

The above lines and the first post are in no way funny. Not by a long shot, even I didn't laugh. Maybe that's a good thing. But most definately not.


The orver-riding point that I have clearly failed in trying to convey, and probally should have choosen another mannor (dispite this one being the least work), is that people take the Bible way to seriously, seriously.

One more point before I click Submit Reply accidently (I always do halfway through a post) for people who seemingly have lives my inane comments seem to have garnered some intrest.

I wonder if I had written them on a napkin and droped it one the street if my postbox would be full of letters of complaint tommorow?

Ah, yes my life is grand indeed, nothing like being a bad Catholic

I am ashamed that you would say that! So you think that just because people die...it's because God is punishing them. You obviusly didn't understand why we celebrate his son's birth. Jesus died for our sins. He loves us and wants to keep us from harm. It's he people that are killing one another and therselves. OUR WORLD IS SCREWED UP, and he's tried his best to fix it. People who write post, like the one who started this thread, is a perfect example of a person who has no respect for God, so I don't exactly understand why you expect God to love us...when we obviusly don't show our respect to him.
-Angella (a very oppinonated Christian)
PS as I said in my previous post- I hope all who read this search for the real God, and the true meaning of christianity!

i searched, where did you hide it?

the reason he could do the tsunami was because they were infidel countries. duh. i read reports and no christians were hurt during th making of this tsunami

Even with as little respect I have for some religions, this type of thing is WAY over the top! You're insulting, innacurate and apparently not a little bitter. :headbang:

A preist, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar....

Geez people, it's JUST A JOKE!!! Lighten up. :rolleyes:

It's not like he even said anything bad about Christianity; he just made shiat up.

And btw, heterosexuality is a sin!!! Just ask Augustus.

And once again we see how religion starts conflicts, even between imaginary nations.

Well if your not going to allow birth control there has to be some way of keeping the populations down.

you must have a different translation from me - my bible saysThe Epistle of Vitto to the Ordination 2:99
And Jesus came amongst the people and sayeth, "You are on the way to destruction," and the people did quake and as one spake.
"Nay, Jesus, we are on our way to the dry-cleaners - you just came amongst us." And seeing what he had done, Jesus did blush and apologise. "I'm sorry, bill me."

Goddamn Catholic Church, I can't say anything without some preist translating it wrong to promote his dry cleaner.

A preist, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar....

Geez people, it's JUST A JOKE!!! Lighten up. :rolleyes:

It's not like he even said anything bad about Christianity; he just made shiat up.

And btw, heterosexuality is a sin!!! Just ask Augustus.
What happened when the priest nun and rabbi walked into the bar?

Hey Easy Green,

This world is indeed screwed up - we all know that, there are many disasters, natural and man-made - but for me Jesus helps to make sense of it all - seeing as everything's so useless, me included, he's the only one worth living for.

Hey Easy Green,

This world is indeed screwed up - we all know that, there are many disasters, natural and man-made - but for me Jesus helps to make sense of it all - seeing as everything's so useless, me included, he's the only one worth living for.
And to me religion makes no sense at all ... intresting

the reason he could do the tsunami was because they were infidel countries. duh. i read reports and no christians were hurt during th making of this tsunami

NOW I GET IT! You all blame God for the tsunami! I'll say it again...this world is SCREWED UP! What I notice is that you all don't mind killing one another w/ guns and bombs and it's okay...But when the "infidel" countries are hurt from a massive tsunami...GOD is being a terrible and horrible person! I'm truly ashamed to live here...and Im definetly praying for ALL of you.
By the way if your still looking for it...try this...
JOHN 3:16 (from the REAL bible)
"For God so loved the world, that he sent his only son, that whosoever believed in him will have eternal life."
Theres a lot more good new from where that came from. It's called the bible...most of you should probably take some time out of your day to read it!
-Angella

NOW I GET IT! You all blame God for the tsunami! I'll say it again...this world is SCREWED UP! What I notice is that you all don't mind killing one another w/ guns and bombs and it's okay...But when the "infidel" countries are hurt from a massive tsunami...GOD is being a terrible and horrible person! I'm truly ashamed to live here...and Im definetly praying for ALL of you.
By the way if your still looking for it...try this...
JOHN 3:16 (from the REAL bible)
"For God so loved the world, that he sent his only son, that whosoever believed in him will have eternal life."
Theres a lot more good new from where that came from. It's called the bible...most of you should probably take some time out of your day to read it!
-Angella
I dub thee Lady Cannot-understand-sarcasm-lot.

NOW I GET IT! You all blame God for the tsunami! I'll say it again...this world is SCREWED UP! What I notice is that you all don't mind killing one another w/ guns and bombs and it's okay...But when the "infidel" countries are hurt from a massive tsunami...GOD is being a terrible and horrible person! I'm truly ashamed to live here...and Im definetly praying for ALL of you.
By the way if your still looking for it...try this...
JOHN 3:16 (from the REAL bible)
"For God so loved the world, that he sent his only son, that whosoever believed in him will have eternal life."
Theres a lot more good new from where that came from. It's called the bible...most of you should probably take some time out of your day to read it!
-Angella
Lol that’s not from the REAL bible … the real bible is not in English :p

What happened when the priest nun and rabbi walked into the bar?
The bartender said "Is this some kind of joke?"

Then the former Muse Azrael shot him with an Uzi.

iLock pending Moderator review.

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation