NationStates Jolt Archive

let the mayhem begin!

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1136&NEXTID=0&PREVID=1071&DISPLAYORDER=20040129000056&CAT=anims&NSFW=

WARNING-MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!

Funny and also a good tip:

http://www.thesheaf.com/photos/2003-04/Oct-9/whiteninja.jpg

Please, though, tell me if you find it insulting to anyone and I will remove it at once.

People can be so sensitive. :rolleyes:

People can be so sensitive. :rolleyes:

But of course.

THE MATRIX! Well, sort of. (http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1349&NEXTID=0&PREVID=1352&DISPLAYORDER=20040603142015&CAT=movies&NSFW=)

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1229&NEXTID=0&PREVID=1237&DISPLAYORDER=20040408165145&CAT=movies&NSFW=

Snorting coke-A disgusting habit.

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=746&NEXTID=0&PREVID=612&DISPLAYORDER=20030605000026&CAT=movies&NSFW=

If this kid is our last hope, start saying your prayers...

But of course.

THE MATRIX! Well, sort of. (http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1349&NEXTID=0&PREVID=1352&DISPLAYORDER=20040603142015&CAT=movies&NSFW=)
"Die tomato!"
I liked that part

My fave bit of that flash animation as well.

"Die tomato!"
I liked that part

"...we just want our stick back" :D

"...we just want our stick back" :D

So the matrix one is funniest?

let the mayhem begin!

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1136&NEXTID=0&PREVID=1071&DISPLAYORDER=20040129000056&CAT=anims&NSFW=

WARNING-MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Another amused client.

So the matrix one is funniest?

I thought so, yes. The other one was very strange. Funny, but stange.

Muahahahaha, obscure humour...

Obscure indeed. :headbang:

parlez vous francais?

oui, je parle francais - you can google it if you're really interested :)
although I see he has by now removed the link ...
die, tomato.

Obscure indeed. :headbang:

parlez vous francais?

Non, je n'ai pas beaucoup de francais. monsieur. Je parle un combination de francais et espanol, amigo.


Hang on, mon post c'est slightly contradictory...


http://img34.exs.cx/img34/3927/joker3vb.jpg

Okay, if you really want to decipher it.

Yarr... I am disapointed.

un vehicule est une arme! Quand vous etes sur votre moto, vous devez avoir un comportement responsable! = a vehicule is a weapon! When you etes on your motor bike, you must have a responsible behavior!


I hope that the cartoon actually is funny. It came up under a google search for humour...

si on vous reprend a' rouler a' des vitesses pareilles sur une moto, je vous enovoie directement en prison! = if a' is taken again to you; to roll a' similar speeds on a motor bike, I send to you directly in prison!




Er, I've got an essay to do, so I probably won't bother translating the rest of that.

Okay. It's actually this: (give me some leeway for interpretation here)
judge: "A vehicle is a weapon! When you're on your motorbike, you must behave responsibly! If you are caught again at a similar speed on your bike, I'll send you directly to prison!"
later, on bike. He's gloating over his treatment of the felon, and it's raining. He's travelling too fast, and tries to slam the brakes on to avoid being caught by a speed radar - falling off when the bike skids. He calls out
"I'm not on the bike! It doesn't count!"

I find google really only helps for vocabulary. Even then I'm not sure whether arranger is arrange or arraign.
Ooh! I know what it is. He's speeding because he's arranged a rotten time to hear the court case.

Nice one, Helennia (although the joke itself was a bit of an anticlimax).

I find google really only helps for vocabulary. Even then I'm not sure whether arranger is arrange or arraign.
Ooh! I know what it is. He's speeding because he's arranged a rotten time to hear the court case.

Tres bien, better than I.

Okay. It's actually this: (give me some leeway for interpretation here)
judge: "A vehicle is a weapon! When you're on your motorbike, you must behave responsibly! If you are caught again at a similar speed on your bike, I'll send you directly to prison!"
later, on bike. He's gloating over his treatment of the felon, and it's raining. He's travelling too fast, and tries to slam the brakes on to avoid being caught by a speed radar - falling off when the bike skids. He calls out
"I'm not on the bike! It doesn't count!"

C'est bon. Tu as raison. :)

bah. I just came back from paris - sick of trying to translate signs and restaurant menus. GRRR! I wish French were as simple as English ...
Come on, give us some more jokes ... I'm bored.

Introducing the Darwin Awards, 2004 ...

#7 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

#6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6 ft 2in tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The hose was also connected to one end of a hollow tube, the other end being inserted into his rectum (for reasons unknown) and thus explaining his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

Introducing the Darwin Awards, 2004 ...

#7 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

#6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6 ft 2in tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The hose was also connected to one end of a hollow tube, the other end being inserted into his rectum (for reasons unknown) and thus explaining his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

LOL! Very good.

Introducing the Darwin Awards, 2004 ...

#7 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

#6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6 ft 2in tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The hose was also connected to one end of a hollow tube, the other end being inserted into his rectum (for reasons unknown) and thus explaining his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
#7. Dem damn Canucks will drink anything! Heh!

#6. Talk about "determined!" This guy was so intent on trying to breathe his own oduer he forgot he couldn't breathe at all!

Naked Canadian man jumps on moving Qantas jet
A Canadian man angry that he was refused a plane ticket to Australia at Los Angeles International Airport has stripped naked, climbed a barbed wire fence, sprinted across the tarmac and climbed into the wheel well of a moving jumbo jet.

Pilots of the Qantas flight stopped the plane.

The man was coaxed out of the wheel well and arrested for trespassing, airport spokeswoman Nancy Castles said.

"This was an extremely dangerous thing for him to do," Ms Castles said.

"If he had continued to cling in there with the aircraft taking off at over 320 kilometres per hour, he might have fallen out and could have been sucked up by an engine.

"If he had survived that and was in the wheel well when the landing gear was retracted, he could have been crushed by the mechanism.

"And if not, he very likely would have frozen to death during the 15-and-a-half hour flight at 9,150 metres while wearing no clothes."

Neil Melly, 31, tried to buy a one-way ticket on the Qantas flight on Monday evening but was turned down because he could not supply a valid credit card, Ms Castles said.

Later he managed to climb over an airport fence, topped by three strands of barbed wire, without injury and was spotted by a ramp worker "running, naked, full-speed" toward the plane.

Ms Castles said a check by authorities found that Mr Melly had been reported missing to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and was suffering from bi-polar disorder.



http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200411/s1234821.htm

But of course.

THE MATRIX! Well, sort of. (http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1349&NEXTID=0&PREVID=1352&DISPLAYORDER=20040603142015&CAT=movies&NSFW=)
"Party's over. He broke the bench"

ROFL. Thanks TIN!

You want funny? Try this.


http://www.depresident.com/george-bush-mighty-mouse-video.asp

(AP) Australia may change laws "to protect people too stupid to protect themselves" after sightseers clambered on a floating dead whale and patted great white sharks eating the carcass, a senior official said Tuesday.

South Australian state Environment Minister Iain Evans said he will ask his department to consider regulations preventing people from coming within 109 yards of a dead whale. At present, the law only keeps people that distance from a live whale.

Evans said he was shocked at the disrespect the tourists showed for their own safety when they were caught on film this week patting the sharks near Cape Jervis, 60 miles south of Adelaide.

"I am also appalled by the bizarre behavior of walking across the back of dead whales or, for that matter, patting a great white shark while it is feeding," Evans said.

"These creatures are not toys. In the case of the great white, they can be extremely dangerous and it is clear the state government will need to look at changing the law in order to protect people too stupid to protect themselves," he added.

The southern right whale died late last week. About a dozen sharks immediately began devouring the carcass, tearing off chunks of flesh in a feeding frenzy.

Boat operators cashed in, ferrying dozens of customers to the site for a closer look.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2001/07/24/world/main303020.shtml

Introducing the Darwin Awards, 2004 ...

#7 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

#6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6 ft 2in tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The hose was also connected to one end of a hollow tube, the other end being inserted into his rectum (for reasons unknown) and thus explaining his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
Post those if you want, but don't call the Darwin Awards. They aren't. Neither one of them actually happened. They're just something that someone made up and attached the title "Darwin Awards" to, possibly violating copyright laws in doing so. Even if they were true, neither one would be permissable for a Darwin Award anyhow.

#6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6 ft 2in tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The hose was also connected to one end of a hollow tube, the other end being inserted into his rectum (for reasons unknown) and thus explaining his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
:eek:

How about these :D

http://www.soldcentralfl.com/flyingpenguin/stupnews.htm

"Party's over. He broke the bench"

ROFL. Thanks TIN!

#1 for humor.

Post those if you want, but don't call the Darwin Awards. They aren't. Neither one of them actually happened. They're just something that someone made up and attached the title "Darwin Awards" to, possibly violating copyright laws in doing so. Even if they were true, neither one would be permissable for a Darwin Award anyhow.Whoa! What makes you think that they didn't happen? And if they are true, why wouldn't they be permissible? Besides, they're just nominees...
See the rest of the nominees here ...
http://www.geocities.com/gazpacho_soup_123/darwin.html

I just know www.pwned.nl

I just know www.pwned.nl

Ah yes I know this one. Very amusing.

My Funny Story
---------------

Once upon a time in a land far away from america there was a little country called Smellmycheeseyoumother!. And it was a happy country where people laughed and touched each other when they wern't looking and generally frolicked and danced to lovely music. But one fine, hot day in Smellmycheeseyoumother! a bad man came. And his name was Smellmygayhamyoumother! which wasn't at all strange to the others. And on this fine, hot day he found the tallest man in Smellmycheeseyoumother! and spat all over his creamy pudding and called his bad and nasty things, such as:

"You've got a horrible face you silly ham-eater!"

and

"I Dont like you very much"

And the tallest man was very shy and so he said nought. And he remained stoic. But the horrible man kept on spitting on him. He spat so much, and when his mouth were dry he doth rinse himself with a bottle which he kept by his brow. His brow were massive and sticky and could hold many a water-bottle. But one day, the tallest man in Smellmycheeseyoumother! took out his pistol and shot Smellmygayhamyoumother! right in his Ladies-sac-for-holding-his-mans-testiclees. And there was blood everywhere! And awful looking things. And the bad man died the following day as nobody helped him as he was a bad man.
Hey look it turned into a moral story! Well thats the way.

The End.

Oh... and this one
http://funnyjunk.com/movies/13/Fat+kid+takes+it/stream/small

Post those if you want, but don't call the Darwin Awards. They aren't. Neither one of them actually happened. They're just something that someone made up and attached the title "Darwin Awards" to, possibly violating copyright laws in doing so. Even if they were true, neither one would be permissable for a Darwin Award anyhow.

Calm down campadre!

My Funny Story
---------------

Once upon a time in a land far away from america there was a little country called Smellmycheeseyoumother!. And it was a happy country where people laughed and touched each other when they wern't looking and generally frolicked and danced to lovely music. But one fine, hot day in Smellmycheeseyoumother! a bad man came. And his name was Smellmygayhamyoumother! which wasn't at all strange to the others. And on this fine, hot day he found the tallest man in Smellmycheeseyoumother! and spat all over his creamy pudding and called his bad and nasty things, such as:

"You've got a horrible face you silly ham-eater!"

and

"I Dont like you very much"

And the tallest man was very shy and so he said nought. And he remained stoic. But the horrible man kept on spitting on him. He spat so much, and when his mouth were dry he doth rinse himself with a bottle which he kept by his brow. His brow were massive and sticky and could hold many a water-bottle. But one day, the tallest man in Smellmycheeseyoumother! took out his pistol and shot Smellmygayhamyoumother! right in his Ladies-sac-for-holding-his-mans-testiclees. And there was blood everywhere! And awful looking things. And the bad man died the following day as nobody helped him as he was a bad man.
Hey look it turned into a moral story! Well thats the way.

The End.
Boring on boring, with a side of boring. Dessert: boring with boring sprinklers

Poor fat kid... MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Boring on boring, with a side of boring. Dessert: boring with boring sprinklers
Come on man, lighten up: lets see the "good" smile huh?

Come on man, lighten up: lets see the "good" smile huh?
:D

Has anyone ever played Trogodor the game? Oh yeah, and heres some more shit.

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/All_Your_WTC.swf

Weird.

:D

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! im so happy that i'm going to buy a boat.

Nope.... I have played Find Hitler though

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/trogdor.swf

Trogodor the game.

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/politics/61665

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/trogdor.swf

Trogodor the game.
brilliant!

I know... It rocks, don't it.

Whoa! What makes you think that they didn't happen? And if they are true, why wouldn't they be permissible? Besides, they're just nominees...
See the rest of the nominees here ...
http://www.geocities.com/gazpacho_soup_123/darwin.html
Sigh. Those same "nominees" have been going around for at least 4 years. They aren't on the actual Darwin Awards (http://www.darwinawards.com) site, where you can find the rules for qualification as well as all the entries.

Sorry. I just get annoyed after seeing these over and over. Violations of copyright law piss me off.

Say hello to spiderman!

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/spiderman.swf

Say hello to spiderman!

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/spiderman.swf
pfffff WHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Spiderman has made you GAY!" - Priceless

A rant!

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/rant.swf

Do the mario!

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/dothemario.swf

http://www.mlcsmith.com/humor/art/god-kills-kitten.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/monkeykitten/gmak_435x480.jpg

LOL

I couldn't resist the classic.

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/All_Your_Base.swf

Also:

http://www.allthingsflash.com/files/All_Your_Smurf.swf

It's Papa Smurf!

I do have one very funny flash animation, but in order to view it you must request I telegram it to you, as posting it here would get me banned due to the 0.1 second of sexual content in it. Just say if you want me to send it to you.

I do have one very funny flash animation, but in order to view it you must request I telegram it to you, as posting it here would get me banned due to the 0.1 second of sexual content in it. Just say if you want me to send it to you.
please do.... I won't report you... seriously.... I won't.... trust me

It's in your telegram box.

*Applauds*

Great! Bravo! Bis!


PS "Sportsmanship, Fuck Yeah!" the kiddie, was Dutch :eek: Fuck Yeah!

I know... It rocks, don't it.
What's so great about it? It doesn't actually DO anything! :confused:

*Applauds*

Great! Bravo! Bis!


PS "Sportsmanship, Fuck Yeah!" the kiddie, was Dutch :eek: Fuck Yeah!

It kinda reminds me of somthing I saw on South Park.

I do have one very funny flash animation, but in order to view it you must request I telegram it to you, as posting it here would get me banned due to the 0.1 second of sexual content in it. Just say if you want me to send it to you.

Send it! :D

Send it! :D

It's in your telegrams.

If anyone else wants it, drop me a telegram. I'm not sure how much longer i'll be on today.

:D LMAO, that was cool

:D LMAO, that was cool

It's fantasticly funny, but the porn bit almost got me into trouble at college. Luckily my Lecturer is a funny guy and he watched it with me, and found it funny.