NationStates Jolt Archive

This morning I woke up and felt empty. Not hungry, but I just felt somthing was missing.

For a long time now I've had trouble sleeping, eating, and Often I just don't feel like doing anything. I know this is caused by my depression.

At the same time I have viewed the way people react to me at college and at work, which just makes me feel worse, and has caused me to grow a bitter hatred of this world, the people who live on it, everything. I know there is one thing that would solve it all. I can either:

1. Improve my social skills

2. Get a girlfriend.

From what I have experienced through life I have no chance of obtaining option 2. So now I now, I must improve my social skills and get rid of my mental problems or otherwise I may end up going insane. This just seems to keep getting worse. I'm terribly frightened of what might happen now, and I just find myself slipping further from reality.

I just want this all to stop.

I know I've said this so many times, But Everytime I feel worse and worse. I've tried all the things you suggested but none of them helped. I still feel a wreck.

What do you do in your life that makes it worth living?

All I can advise you to do is to get some fresh air. You'll pull through in the end. You could try taking a break from everything - just drop everything and disapear for a week; go to Scotland, Ireland, rural China anywhere different where the pace of life is slower.

As i've said, I've been there before.

All I can really suggest is that you find some way to express yourself, through writing, music, whatever. It really helped me.

And I wouldn't worry about the girlfriend thing. It took me a while to realise, but it isn't really that hopeless. As soon as i opened my eyes a little, things started happening. Don't forget, there are millions of people with the same problem.

Where do you work, by the way? A retail environment? If so, I suggest you ditch it. I can barely handle it sometimes and i'm otherwise mentally fine. Find something with minimal people contact, at least for the time being. No money is worth putting up with people that turn your life into a living hell.

All I can advise you to do is to get some fresh air. You'll pull through in the end. You could try taking a break from everything - just drop everything and disapear for a week; go to Scotland, Ireland, rural China anywhere different where the pace of life is slower.

I can't afford a holiday.

Are you a manic depressant? Could just be a chemical imbalance. Lots of people out here running around with bi polar, chemical imbalances etc. Just most self medicate with alcohol or some other sort of intoxicant.

I am currently listening to this song, which is making me feel a little better. Music is good medication.

http://void.digibase.ca/SA/Theme%20-%20It%20Doesn't%20Matter.mp3

(Copy and paste it into media player-my take a little while to load.)

What do you do in your life that makes it worth living?

I look after my family, and I seek to keep them from ending up like me. If that happens, then my purpose has been served.

How long has this been going for you?

Personally, I couldn't keep that state of mind up for more than 3-4 years. Then most of the feeling completely miserable and wanting to end it all passed, and only the terminal laziness and lack of will remained. Life is much easier when you stop caring about most things.

Plus I'm pretty sure the kind of self-hatred fueled by horrible angst isn't a good enough motivater to make a person actually improve his social skills. You're more likely to pull that off by simply interacting with people in social situations because it feels good. And if it doesn't feel good, then there's little point in improving your social skills.

I'm also pretty sure that getting a girl friend is a really bad idea unless you also have the aforementioned social skills.

(The "you" here being a passive "you", except in the first sentence.)

the best way to combat depression is just...

don't be depressed anymore.

before people start going on that
*affects whinging voice*
'oh you just don't understand'
or
'you don't know what its like to be really depressed'

yes i do and yes i do. having experienced it in my youth and intermittently over the last 2 years i have realised that the worst thing you can do is think of yourself as a depressed person. don't think of it as a 'mental problem' it is literally all in your head. i used various anti-depressant medication and found that though my mood stabilised it was not the positive shift i had hoped for. what does work is if you just act like you don't give a fuck. remember what mama told you? ignore it and it will go away. this is true. psychosomatic 'illnesses' like this are ruining people. it is excacerbated by constant media campaigns telling us how high the risk of our mental health.

bollocks.

it simply gives people another excuse to fail. when all our societies were highly religious we could blame sin, or punishment from god for our human failings. in this increasingly secular age we need more feeble crutches to prop us up when things don't go our way. we are encouraged to dwell on our shortcomings rather than fix them. respect to you for realising you need to address your lack of social skills - sitting on your own thinking 'i am so bad at talking to people/girls' is never going to get you better at it. you will need to overcome your deepseated fear of rejection and just start chatting. here are some good ways to do it.

*smile at people on the street - it makes them and you happier.
*do something positive for another person everyday
*do something positive for yourself everyday.
*get a constructive hobby that can be enjoyed by more than just one person (read: do not stay in playing computer games - get out there and do something real. start a band, learn an instrument, find out how machines work, learn to cook, whatever)

This is not intended as a negative comment on your situation, merely a series of suggestions from the other side of the glass. get out of your funk asap. if you're still at school then there is so much you can do. the best thing you can do is stop giving a fuck about what people think and get in their faces. make them at least notice you. once you are a visible presence in a place it makes it a lot easier to meet other people. also try and do something about your halitosis.

good luck.

if it all doesn't work, kill yourself. :D

Get 1 on track before you sort out 2.

Moving to a different town can help. I know a few people who went down south to go to uni who went from being quiet or loserish to being popular as fuck.

Have you tried meds? Anti-depressants, I mean. I've been taking Zoloft for the past 9 months and they give me the mental strength to somehow pull myself together when things get bad.

1. Suicide is the cowards way out. I'm not a coward.

2. My depression has MADE me not care about anything, so that don't help.

3. Depression is very real. If I was able to, don't you think I would stop being depressed? I can't explain it... it just posessed me and now I am trapped in this state, and I can't seem to shake it.

So far music and talking to my family seem to be the best remedies.

Have you tried meds? Anti-depressants, I mean. I've been taking Zoloft for the past 9 months and they give me the mental strength to somehow pull myself together when things get bad.

That's one drug I don't trust. Some people have very bad reactions to it and go really weird. I speak from seeing a friend run down a main street naked. :(


So far music and talking to my family seem to be the best remedies.

Good. Maybe focus on learning an instrument?

1. Suicide is the cowards way out. I'm not a coward.

2. My depression has MADE me not care about anything, so that don't help.

3. Depression is very real. If I was able to, don't you think I would stop being depressed? I can't explain it... it just posessed me and now I am trapped in this state, and I can't seem to shake it.

So far music and talking to my family seem to be the best remedies.


you are able to - its not easy but you have the tools, its called using your mind. thats what they say, use it or lose it. a bit of fucking positivity goes a long way

That's one drug I don't trust. Some people have very bad reactions to it and go really weird. I speak from seeing a friend run down a main street naked. :(


HA! :eek: Good to know.

Good. Maybe focus on learning an instrument?

I play the drums efficiently already.

On a further note, I will overcome this and nothing will stop me. my philosophy is "Never give up", and it is a philosophy which drives me onwards. Nothing will stop me. I will overcome this.

Are you a manic depressant? Could just be a chemical imbalance. Lots of people out here running around with bi polar, chemical imbalances etc. Just most self medicate with alcohol or some other sort of intoxicant.


I didn't mean by my statement to go out here and try to get on Xanax or Valium etc.. I believe most times there are things you can change in your life to get you out of depression, sometimes it just passes all on its own.. but there are cases of actual chemical imbalances that can't be solved that way.. but I do believe if you recognize the reason(s) you are feeling the way you are it makes it alot easier to get through. In my experience the not knowing was the scariest thing to me, and not knowing if the feeling would ever pass. It always has for me, and now when I feel down for absolutely no reason I just ride it through, and do little things that I know will Not make me feel worse like excersize, walking outside and most important forcing myself to think positively.

I can't afford a holiday.

Then go for a day trip somewhere, spend about £40 getting there and back, then just see what's there - keep a £5 for a coffee/drink. Anuthing to break the routine.

Also try going swimming.

I play the drums efficiently already.

On a further note, I will overcome this and nothing will stop me. my philosophy is "Never give up", and it is a philosophy which drives me onwards. Nothing will stop me. I will overcome this.

Good for you. Really. All you need to do with that dedication is pull yourself out of the gutter, and smell the fresh air.

I wish you the best of luck. <3 :D

Talking about it always helps me feel a bit better. Thanks guys, I'm seeing my therapist this afternoon, by the way.

HA! :eek: Good to know.

Nah, if you've been taking it for 9 months, you'll be fine. This guy was on them for about 3 days.



I play the drums efficiently already.

On a further note, I will overcome this and nothing will stop me. my philosophy is "Never give up", and it is a philosophy which drives me onwards. Nothing will stop me. I will overcome this.

Good, you've got an outlet at least.

And that's the right philosophy to have, good on you. You have to remember that things often get worse before they get better. You could be well on your way to getting over it in a couple of months, or perhaps even less. :) Things will definitely improve. You might not notice it at first, but with time, you'll be fine again and emotionally stronger for having gone through it.

...snippy first post...

*hugs* Poor TIN.
To be honest, I wouldn't try dealing with people. People are jerks a lot of the time, and I know when I felt down, I just couldn't handle extra shit. Getting a girlfriend wouldn't help, because relationships of all kinds tend to be wraught with emotional stresses - not something you need.

I can tell you what you need to do, but there's a problem - it's one of those 'you have to get other people to help you' things. You need to talk to your family. And more importantly, you need to tell them you're worried about yourself. Because you most likely need a professional assessment to find out what the problem is. It could be something entirely physical - in that case, no matter what you try and do mentally will help, because you'll just be fighting against your own body. And trust me, as a girl I can honestly say: When your body starts fighting dirty using hormones against you, you can't fight back.

The thing to understand is that it's not some failing on your part. It's not that you aren't 'strong enough' or 'trying hard enough to be happy'. That's all just bullshit that people pull when they don't want to deal with what they don't understand. A helpful way (for me) to think about it is this - your brain works almost entirely on hormones. When you feel happy, it's because of a chemical released in your brain in response to something. If your brain releases the wrong chemical, you aren't happy. You might be angry, or sad, or hungry. All it takes is one chemical out of place (in tiny doses), and your brain can react in a completely 'illogical' way to stimulus.

What I'd really like to see you do is talk to your family, and end up having one of them help you take the step of seeing a professional. I know it's scary (not only been through it myself, but been through it with both my parents). It's not a step you'll take on your own, because depression is demotivating. But it's the best thing you could do.

Another bit of advice - many people are scared that if they see a professional, they'll get fobbed off with 'here, take these drugs'. Which is fair enough - drugs that affect the brain *are* dangerous. The way to prevent that happening is to find a psychologist, rather than a psychiatrist. Psychologists CANNOT prescribe medication, but deal in non-medicated techniques. If they treat you, and end up referring you to a psychiatrist, you'll know it's based on their actual results because otherwise they wouldn't give up a paying customer.

If you don't know how to approach or find a psychologist, go with a family member to your GP and get some advice - they should be able to refer you to a few different ones in your area (make sure to specify your preference for a psychologist, if you do have one).

Sigh, I know my advice probably won't be welcome, and probably sounds scary (I suck at wording things >.<), but I can say from experience, both direct and family-related, that it's the absolute best thing you can do.

And, if you need any extra incentive, keep in mind that your depression may be hereditary. The sooner you find out about it if it is, the sooner you can find out what the risks are to family members, and the sooner they can be made aware of it.

Yes, talking about it is a good thing :p

:fluffle:

I may be low, but I am determined, and I feel I will be over this soon. It's just a little scary feeling this way, thats all.

you are able to - its not easy but you have the tools, its called using your mind. thats what they say, use it or lose it. a bit of fucking positivity goes a long way

No. It doesn't. Not when the problems are hormonal.

You need to understand - if the problem lies between the input and the emotional output (ie, things that would normally make one happy making one sad instead, or things that shouldn't cause stress causing stress), then no matter *how* positively he thinks, he'll still be sad.

Emotionals are just the brain picking up chemicals. If the body releases the wrong chemicals, or the brain reacts in a funky way to them, you get different emotions than you'd expect.

Sigh, I know my advice probably won't be welcome, and probably sounds scary (I suck at wording things >.<), but I can say from experience, both direct and family-related, that it's the absolute best thing you can do.

You did a much, MUCH better job than I could do. Well done.

My emotions in emtiocons:

When I started this thread: :(

Now: :rolleyes:

Thanks for bringing me out of the dumps. I would like to add that personally I find the best way to help myself is to adopt a carefree attitude towards life.

Thanks for bringing me out of the dumps. I would like to add that personally I find the best way to help myself is to adopt a carefree attitude towards life.

You're welcome. Hang in there dude, it'll be better soon. :)

My emotions in emtiocons:

When I started this thread: :(

Now: :rolleyes:

Thanks for bringing me out of the dumps. I would like to add that personally I find the best way to help myself is to adopt a carefree attitude towards life.

Hee, are you rolling your eyes at me, then eh?

Tsk, that'll learn me for trying to help :p

Blibble.

No. It doesn't. Not when the problems are hormonal.

You need to understand - if the problem lies between the input and the emotional output (ie, things that would normally make one happy making one sad instead, or things that shouldn't cause stress causing stress), then no matter *how* positively he thinks, he'll still be sad.

Emotionals are just the brain picking up chemicals. If the body releases the wrong chemicals, or the brain reacts in a funky way to them, you get different emotions than you'd expect.


don't like that very materialist way of thinking. assumes we have no control over the way we react to stimuli. an escapist philosophy that allows us to yet again blame our problems on 'forces beyond our control'

don't like that very materialist way of thinking. assumes we have no control over the way we react to stimuli. an escapist philosophy that allows us to yet again blame our problems on 'forces beyond our control'

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Despite the fact that I fully believe what I've been taught in science classes, and told by my doctors, and my family doctors, I'm willing to let that pass without comment.

However, it's not necessarily an escapist philosophy. Just because it's hormonal doesn't mean it's untreatable - often it's easy to fix, it's just a matter of a change of diet, change of sleeping habits. Sometimes it involves drugs to readjust the brain's way of dealing with stimulii input.

I would never recommend using this view as a way of not dealing with depression. In fact, since I've learnt more about it, it's become apparent that it's MUCH more important to do something about it than I first thought; because, left alone, a large proportion of clinically depressed people turn to suicide.

I must say, your philosophy seems much more escapist, but for you, rather than the people effected. It lets you say 'bah, they're just being lazy'. It lets you believe that you will never be affected by it, because it's 'just not thinking positively'.

I truly hope you, or anyone close to you, are never afflicted with clinical depression, because with the attitude you present, you'd have absolutely zero hope of recovering.

I truly hope you, or anyone close to you, are never afflicted with clinical depression, because with the attitude you present, you'd have absolutely zero hope of recovering.

please see my first post in this thread.

please see my first post in this thread.

Note that I specified 'Clinical Depression'. If you didn't get properly assessed, you can't claim to have had CD.

But shrug, whatever. Nice to see you ended that thread on a happy note.

Wow, sounds exactly like my situation, my family was the only thing that kept me going, now ive resorted me making fun of other people.

Since I know how your feeling ill try not to pick on you


basically im acting cocky and self assured untill my real confidence comes back

Note that I specified 'Clinical Depression'. If you didn't get properly assessed, you can't claim to have had CD.

But shrug, whatever. Nice to see you ended that thread on a happy note.

what does properly assessed mean? spending hours with doctors and councsellors? getting prescribed drugs for it? you can only treat clinical illness with drugs (as far as my non-med studentness is aware) so maybe i was. i dunno.

whatever. i believe it is possible to think yourself happy. :fluffle: :D :eek:

what does properly assessed mean? spending hours with doctors and councsellors? getting prescribed drugs for it? you can only treat clinical illness with drugs (as far as my non-med studentness is aware) so maybe i was. i dunno.

whatever. i believe it is possible to think yourself happy. :fluffle: :D :eek:

I mean assessed by a professional. GPs and councellors can prescribe things like zoloft (which is absolutely disgusting when you know how dangerous drugs like zoloft can be if not dealt with carefully). And no, CD can be treated through non-medical means. It depends what's causing it. CD can be caused by things as basic as a (very) bad diet combined with (very) poor sleeping habits and (very) serious stress. In those cases, while drugs can help (by straightening out input/output readings), the same effect can sometimes be reached simply by fixing the causes.

And the problem is, you might have been given drugs that weren't the right thing for you. Lots of doctors that aren't trained in psychology/psychiatry prescribe them to treat symptoms, which isn't how they should be used.

But meh. I don't mind you saying that you think you can think yourself happy, but I take serious offense at you insinuating that I'm a weak person because I believe in behavioural psychology. Just because something worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

I mean assessed by a professional. GPs and councellors can prescribe things like zoloft (which is absolutely disgusting when you know how dangerous drugs like zoloft can be if not dealt with carefully). And no, CD can be treated through non-medical means. It depends what's causing it. CD can be caused by things as basic as a (very) bad diet combined with (very) poor sleeping habits and (very) serious stress. In those cases, while drugs can help (by straightening out input/output readings), the same effect can sometimes be reached simply by fixing the causes.

And the problem is, you might have been given drugs that weren't the right thing for you. Lots of doctors that aren't trained in psychology/psychiatry prescribe them to treat symptoms, which isn't how they should be used.

But meh. I don't mind you saying that you think you can think yourself happy, but I take serious offense at you insinuating that I'm a weak person because I believe in behavioural psychology. Just because something worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

wasn't intended as a direct insult to you - i just find that a lot of people do use 'depression' as an excuse for their behaviour. on an aside - your beliefs are your own - my beef with materialism/behaviourism was on a philosophical level rather than a psychological one. there are consequences of the extension of behaviourist thoughts that i don't like. anyway. yes the drugs i got were zoloft and prozac. i found neither helpful but nor do most people, however this is hardly surprising considering this:



"Regarding depression as 'just' a chemical imbalance wildly misconstrues the disorder. It is not possible to explain either the disease or its treatment based solely on levels of neurotransmitters," says Yale University neurobiologist Ronald Duman, PhD

Hara Estroff Marano
Psychology Today
March, 1999


Yet this is exactly how antidepressants purport to work - by treating levels of neurotransmitters. By understanding how antidepressants work, we can see how they treat a symptom of depression, not the root of the depression



from clinical-depression.co.uk

wasn't intended as a direct insult to you - i just find that a lot of people do use 'depression' as an excuse for their behaviour. on an aside - your beliefs are your own - my beef with materialism/behaviourism was on a philosophical level rather than a psychological one. there are consequences of the extension of behaviourist thoughts that i don't like. anyway. yes the drugs i got were zoloft and prozac. i found neither helpful but nor do most people, however this is hardly surprising considering this:

from clinical-depression.co.uk

Yep, that's what I was talking about too - the 'treating the symptoms and not the cause'. Often there are other things that go along with depression like buggered sleeping habits and shoddy eating habits (it tends to kill appetite), and if you don't deal with those things too, it just becomes a vicious cycle.

My dad's on Zoloft, and so I've been through all the different side-effects it can have. From what I've understood, lots of people *aren't* fully informed when they're prescribed Zoloft... like the whole 'the depression will most likely get WORSE for a couple of weeks, before getting better', which has lead to a bunch of the 'omg anti-depressants made my relative commit suicide' stories going around... sigh.

Anyway, I do agree that people abuse the term 'depression' to get sympathy or to get out of responsiblity. And people do often say 'oh well, I'm depressed, but bugger changing anything'. But advising people NOT to seek help, based on the belief that *some* won't need it is really dangerous. Perhaps some people don't need help to deal with depression, but others do; and often it takes people outside the individual to convince them to seek that, because a big part of depression is feeling that a) it's never going to change and b) that it's not worth trying.

I've been told enough times that if my dad hadn't (by chance) got the help he needed (Zoloft plus a complete change of lifestyle) he probably would have gotten progressively worse and eventually committed suicide. And the main problem with him wouldn't at first seem to be related to the brain at all - he has liver problems, from too much drinking and smoking. Which lead to liver scarring. That got compunded by stress causing thyroid problems, and the result was major depression. After reading through the information his specialist has given us, I don't doubt at all that hormones can seriously affect moods.

...

Urgh, it's just a pet peeve of mine. Sorry to have turned it into a full on rant >.< I'm going to stop with the uber-long posts from hereon in, I promise.

>.<


????

not good at leet speek

????

not good at leet speek

Hee, no leet, just one of those damn smilies I've picked up from somewhere. >.< = hrm, hard to explain. Shamed, perhaps.

Hee, no leet, just one of those damn smilies I've picked up from somewhere. >.< = hrm, hard to explain. Shamed, perhaps.


good good. 'hrm' is a nice one - i keep it for future referenc. i have decided sinc i saw brass eye the other night to start to leave off the 'e' from soft sounding words ending in 'c'. like no offenc. and differenc. its my new hobby - join me?

1t wiI_I_ 83 8377er 7h4n 1337 3v3r w4z

see; i suck at leet.