The Liberal Bill of Rights
Areyoukiddingme
11-01-2005, 01:55
If the Bill of rights had been written by todays left...
The Liberal Bill of Rights
Amendment I
Congress shall separate Church and State, and ensure that no public agency ever acknowledge the existence of religion. Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, except for such speech as is spoken by white males regarding women or minorities. Religion shall be defined as subjective belief systems with no basis in fact that involve rituals in a church or equivalent sacred area. Subjective belief systems with no basis in fact that do not perform rituals in a church-equivalent shall be the foundation of government policy.
_____
Amendment II
A National Guard and public Law Enforcement Agencies, to be established at a yet-to-be-determined time within the next two centuries, being necessary to the security of a police state, the right of certain government employees to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
_____
Amendment III
No woman shall, in time of pregnancy, be barred from killing her child at will, regardless of medical necessity, at any point between conception and delivery. Should a woman kill her children after delivery, while it may be considered a criminal act, it shall be seen as an unfortunate consequence of mental anguish caused by dwelling in a male-dominated society, rather than a heinous crime. Fathers are considered to have no connection to the child, and to be irrelevant to its care, outside of monetary support.
_____
Amendment IV
The right of the people to pretend to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unwarranted and imagined fears, shall be absolute. Freedoms shall be removed from the citizenry and scary items banned as rapidly as possible to accomplish said goal, regardless of whether this accomplishes true safety, or even decreases it.
_____
Amendment V
Economic concerns shall be subjugated to environmental concerns, the validity of which shall be determined by emotional and spiritual divinations, rather than scientific endeavor.
_____
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to blame his indiscretions on racism and poverty. The victim instead shall accept responsibility for the crime, and for his part in establishing such a hateful society.
_____
Amendment VII
Progressive taxation shall be the basis of Federal income, which shall hereafter be free from budgetary constraints, so that "The Rich" are not given unfair compensation for their unfairly disproportionately strong contribution to an unfairly prosperous economy.
_____
Amendment VIII
Of criminals, excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor jailtime prescribed without rapid parole, nor the death penalty imposed, nor access to cable television or the internet hindered, nor punishment inflicted.
_____
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the constitution of certain rights is flexible, and shall be denied to the people at governmental whim as "times change" and basic human rights become "outdated".
_____
Amendment X
The powers not explicitly delegated to the Federal Government by the constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are assumed to be delegated to the Federal Government anyway.
_____
Amendment XI
In order to avoid the appearance of "arrogance", and as the concept of the people deciding their own fate reeks of provincial tribalism, the national interests of the country shall not be decided by its elected representatives, but rather by an organization of unelected representatives of foreign nations.
_____
Amendment XII
The concept of patriotism or otherwise acting in the interest of the nation shall be considered abhorrent and primitive, although this shall not construed as a lack of patriotism on the part of this constitution's adherents.
_____
Amendment XIII
Citizens have the right to pay large portions of their income to provide for the medical care of complete strangers, medical professionals shall undergo years of difficult and intense training in order to have the right to have their work offered to anyone at a price determined by the State, and patients shall have the right to have substandard healthcare rationed out to them at the State's whim.
_____
Amendment XIV
Racial discrimination shall form the basis of all educational and hiring requirements, as long as races discriminated against are "white" and "asian". As this amendment implies that non-asian minorities are incapable of competing with whites and asians in intellectual arenas, and is therefore racist, this amendment is now pending prosecution for hate speech crimes.
_____
Amendment XV
"Human Rights" shall be defined as only those benefits provided by the State, such as may be funded by taxation. The term "rights" shall not be construed to provide actual rights, such as might exist independent of government control.
PIcaRDMPCia
11-01-2005, 01:59
OK, let's stop this list shit. NOW. I know I have no authority, but this is flamebaiting, as was the other thread. I didn't bother reading the list through because I knew it was just flamebait.
Yes, this is bad flamebait...
New Foxxinnia
11-01-2005, 02:03
Great. Now I'm anti-abortion again.
Jayastan
11-01-2005, 02:03
You win at making flames duckdick :)
Nihilistic Beginners
11-01-2005, 02:07
Wow that has to be the most original copy and paste job I have ever seen, next time acknowledge the source or post a link to it.
http://www.drumwaster.com/archives/001010.html
Chess Squares
11-01-2005, 02:21
If the Bill of rights had been written by todays left...
The Liberal Bill of Rights
Amendment I
Congress shall separate Church and State, and ensure that no public agency ever acknowledge the existence of religion. Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, except for such speech as is spoken by white males regarding women or minorities. Religion shall be defined as subjective belief systems with no basis in fact that involve rituals in a church or equivalent sacred area. Subjective belief systems with no basis in fact that do not perform rituals in a church-equivalent shall be the foundation of government policy.
_____
Amendment II
A National Guard and public Law Enforcement Agencies, to be established at a yet-to-be-determined time within the next two centuries, being necessary to the security of a police state, the right of certain government employees to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
_____
Amendment III
No woman shall, in time of pregnancy, be barred from killing her child at will, regardless of medical necessity, at any point between conception and delivery. Should a woman kill her children after delivery, while it may be considered a criminal act, it shall be seen as an unfortunate consequence of mental anguish caused by dwelling in a male-dominated society, rather than a heinous crime. Fathers are considered to have no connection to the child, and to be irrelevant to its care, outside of monetary support.
_____
Amendment IV
The right of the people to pretend to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unwarranted and imagined fears, shall be absolute. Freedoms shall be removed from the citizenry and scary items banned as rapidly as possible to accomplish said goal, regardless of whether this accomplishes true safety, or even decreases it.
_____
Amendment V
Economic concerns shall be subjugated to environmental concerns, the validity of which shall be determined by emotional and spiritual divinations, rather than scientific endeavor.
_____
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to blame his indiscretions on racism and poverty. The victim instead shall accept responsibility for the crime, and for his part in establishing such a hateful society.
_____
Amendment VII
Progressive taxation shall be the basis of Federal income, which shall hereafter be free from budgetary constraints, so that "The Rich" are not given unfair compensation for their unfairly disproportionately strong contribution to an unfairly prosperous economy.
_____
Amendment VIII
Of criminals, excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor jailtime prescribed without rapid parole, nor the death penalty imposed, nor access to cable television or the internet hindered, nor punishment inflicted.
_____
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the constitution of certain rights is flexible, and shall be denied to the people at governmental whim as "times change" and basic human rights become "outdated".
_____
Amendment X
The powers not explicitly delegated to the Federal Government by the constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are assumed to be delegated to the Federal Government anyway.
_____
Amendment XI
In order to avoid the appearance of "arrogance", and as the concept of the people deciding their own fate reeks of provincial tribalism, the national interests of the country shall not be decided by its elected representatives, but rather by an organization of unelected representatives of foreign nations.
_____
Amendment XII
The concept of patriotism or otherwise acting in the interest of the nation shall be considered abhorrent and primitive, although this shall not construed as a lack of patriotism on the part of this constitution's adherents.
_____
Amendment XIII
Citizens have the right to pay large portions of their income to provide for the medical care of complete strangers, medical professionals shall undergo years of difficult and intense training in order to have the right to have their work offered to anyone at a price determined by the State, and patients shall have the right to have substandard healthcare rationed out to them at the State's whim.
_____
Amendment XIV
Racial discrimination shall form the basis of all educational and hiring requirements, as long as races discriminated against are "white" and "asian". As this amendment implies that non-asian minorities are incapable of competing with whites and asians in intellectual arenas, and is therefore racist, this amendment is now pending prosecution for hate speech crimes.
_____
Amendment XV
"Human Rights" shall be defined as only those benefits provided by the State, such as may be funded by taxation. The term "rights" shall not be construed to provide actual rights, such as might exist independent of government control.
well if you want to be an asshole, heres the bill of rights according to your uppity, we-are-better-than-you side
Amendment 1
Church and state may not be seperated, as long as said church is the christian one, provided that it is not catholic. Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, press, or assembly, unless in cases the speech,press, or assembly is against a republican or any person in support of republican ideals. Any petitioning of the government for redress of grievances will result in you being brought up on charges of treason.
Amendment 2
the right to keep and bear arms is a requirement for all non-liberal pussies, any liberal pussy caught with posession of a firearm will eb charged with treason.
Amendment 3
[scratched out]No soldiers will be *snip*[/scratchedout]No person shall be able to have an abortion or otherwise perform an abortion on another person, except in special cases which will be judged by an appointed priest. Oh, and soldiers will be quartered in or near the houses of liberals in war and during peace
Amendment 4
People have the right to be secure in their persons, houses, and things, unless they have been deemed a terrorist, liberal, or other unsavory character by the powers that be.
Amendment 5
No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise serious crime unless they are a liberal, terrorist or otherwise unsavory character as deemed by the powers that be.
Amendment 6
No person shall have the right to a speedy and public trial. All persons accused of a crime can and may be held in prion as long as is deemed necessary by the powers that be.
Amendment 7
No person shall ever be taxed unjustly to pay for the general welfare of the nation or any other purpose for that matter. Any money required for any project will be borrowed from other nations or otherwise pulled out of thin air.
Amendment 8
Excessive bail shall not be required, or bail allowed for any prison sentence, cruel and unusual punishments will not be inflicted, however approved "stress positions" and other "convencing" methods of punishment may be deployed without discretion.
Amendment 9
The enumeration of rights in this Constitution shall not be challenged and will be applied as is, screw the people.
Amendment 10
The powers not delegated to the United States by this Constitution will be usurped if ever they are found out and we shall pretend the states have said rights
Amendment 11
No person has the right to healthcare, food, or other necesities, however anyone not posessing said items will be deported immediately
Amendment 12
The United States government will take no responsibility for any action of any state government as that is not our damn business
Would've made a better impression to laugh at his list rather than attack him.
*shrugs*
Poptartrea
11-01-2005, 02:29
Sign'd.
PIcaRDMPCia
11-01-2005, 02:29
Chess can't let stuff go though.
Roach-Busters
11-01-2005, 02:29
Hilarious, but flamebait.
Chess Squares
11-01-2005, 02:29
Would've made a better impression to laugh at his list rather than attack him.
*shrugs*
i thought mine was funnier
i thought mine was funnier
sorry, didn't read it. Hell, I didn't even read the first one beyond the 2nd amendment. But it seems like I understand the gist of it.
Roach-Busters
11-01-2005, 02:31
i thought mine was funnier
My post above applies to yours as well as his.
Armed Bookworms
11-01-2005, 02:36
I'm sorry sir, but that is the Dummicrat Bill of Rights. True liberals find the original just fine thank you. :p
Armed Bookworms
11-01-2005, 02:37
well if you want to be an asshole, heres the bill of rights according to your uppity, we-are-better-than-you side
Amendment 1
Church and state may not be seperated, as long as said church is the christian one, provided that it is not catholic. Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, press, or assembly, unless in cases the speech,press, or assembly is against a republican or any person in support of republican ideals. Any petitioning of the government for redress of grievances will result in you being brought up on charges of treason.
Amendment 2
the right to keep and bear arms is a requirement for all non-liberal pussies, any liberal pussy caught with posession of a firearm will eb charged with treason.
Amendment 3
[scratched out]No soldiers will be *snip*[/scratchedout]No person shall be able to have an abortion or otherwise perform an abortion on another person, except in special cases which will be judged by an appointed priest. Oh, and soldiers will be quartered in or near the houses of liberals in war and during peace
Amendment 4
People have the right to be secure in their persons, houses, and things, unless they have been deemed a terrorist, liberal, or other unsavory character by the powers that be.
Amendment 5
No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise serious crime unless they are a liberal, terrorist or otherwise unsavory character as deemed by the powers that be.
Amendment 6
No person shall have the right to a speedy and public trial. All persons accused of a crime can and may be held in prion as long as is deemed necessary by the powers that be.
Amendment 7
No person shall ever be taxed unjustly to pay for the general welfare of the nation or any other purpose for that matter. Any money required for any project will be borrowed from other nations or otherwise pulled out of thin air.
Amendment 8
Excessive bail shall not be required, or bail allowed for any prison sentence, cruel and unusual punishments will not be inflicted, however approved "stress positions" and other "convencing" methods of punishment may be deployed without discretion.
Amendment 9
The enumeration of rights in this Constitution shall not be challenged and will be applied as is, screw the people.
Amendment 10
The powers not delegated to the United States by this Constitution will be usurped if ever they are found out and we shall pretend the states have said rights
Amendment 11
No person has the right to healthcare, food, or other necesities, however anyone not posessing said items will be deported immediately
Amendment 12
The United States government will take no responsibility for any action of any state government as that is not our damn business
And this is an example of a Dummicrat trying to think, unsuccessfully. :p
Chess Squares
11-01-2005, 02:40
And this is an example of a Dummicrat trying to think, unsuccessfully. :p
And this proves my thesis that Republicans never watched Sesame Street as they have no idea how to spell Democrat.
And this is an example of a Dummicrat trying to think, unsuccessfully. :p
Flamebait bookworms...
Dempublicents
11-01-2005, 02:42
And this proves my thesis that Republicans never watched Sesame Street as they have no idea how to spell Democrat.
hehe. Some of the stuff on these two threads is mildly amusing, but that one made me actually laugh.
i thought mine was funnier
Actually yours was so good, its scary. :(
Kwangistar
11-01-2005, 02:45
http://www.geocities.com/ddayconneaut/images/2003/kessler/flamethrower.jpg
This applies to the other thread, too.
The Mycon
11-01-2005, 03:47
Tch...
You need to put it in incomprehensible lawyerspeak, so that people can endlessly argue about the interpretation. That way, while the intended meaning is clearly what you want it to be, when their goals change, the democrats can claim that it meant something completely different. Fuckwicket.
At the very least, they're thinking ahead.
Zekhaust
11-01-2005, 03:56
If the Bill of rights had been written by todays left...
The Liberal Bill of Rights
Amendment I
Congress shall separate Church and State, and ensure that no public agency ever acknowledge the existence of religion. Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, except for such speech as is spoken by white males regarding women or minorities. Religion shall be defined as subjective belief systems with no basis in fact that involve rituals in a church or equivalent sacred area. Subjective belief systems with no basis in fact that do not perform rituals in a church-equivalent shall be the foundation of government policy.
_____
Amendment II
A National Guard and public Law Enforcement Agencies, to be established at a yet-to-be-determined time within the next two centuries, being necessary to the security of a police state, the right of certain government employees to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
_____
Amendment III
No woman shall, in time of pregnancy, be barred from killing her child at will, regardless of medical necessity, at any point between conception and delivery. Should a woman kill her children after delivery, while it may be considered a criminal act, it shall be seen as an unfortunate consequence of mental anguish caused by dwelling in a male-dominated society, rather than a heinous crime. Fathers are considered to have no connection to the child, and to be irrelevant to its care, outside of monetary support.
_____
Amendment IV
The right of the people to pretend to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unwarranted and imagined fears, shall be absolute. Freedoms shall be removed from the citizenry and scary items banned as rapidly as possible to accomplish said goal, regardless of whether this accomplishes true safety, or even decreases it.
_____
Amendment V
Economic concerns shall be subjugated to environmental concerns, the validity of which shall be determined by emotional and spiritual divinations, rather than scientific endeavor.
_____
Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to blame his indiscretions on racism and poverty. The victim instead shall accept responsibility for the crime, and for his part in establishing such a hateful society.
_____
Amendment VII
Progressive taxation shall be the basis of Federal income, which shall hereafter be free from budgetary constraints, so that "The Rich" are not given unfair compensation for their unfairly disproportionately strong contribution to an unfairly prosperous economy.
_____
Amendment VIII
Of criminals, excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor jailtime prescribed without rapid parole, nor the death penalty imposed, nor access to cable television or the internet hindered, nor punishment inflicted.
_____
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the constitution of certain rights is flexible, and shall be denied to the people at governmental whim as "times change" and basic human rights become "outdated".
_____
Amendment X
The powers not explicitly delegated to the Federal Government by the constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are assumed to be delegated to the Federal Government anyway.
_____
Amendment XI
In order to avoid the appearance of "arrogance", and as the concept of the people deciding their own fate reeks of provincial tribalism, the national interests of the country shall not be decided by its elected representatives, but rather by an organization of unelected representatives of foreign nations.
_____
Amendment XII
The concept of patriotism or otherwise acting in the interest of the nation shall be considered abhorrent and primitive, although this shall not construed as a lack of patriotism on the part of this constitution's adherents.
_____
Amendment XIII
Citizens have the right to pay large portions of their income to provide for the medical care of complete strangers, medical professionals shall undergo years of difficult and intense training in order to have the right to have their work offered to anyone at a price determined by the State, and patients shall have the right to have substandard healthcare rationed out to them at the State's whim.
_____
Amendment XIV
Racial discrimination shall form the basis of all educational and hiring requirements, as long as races discriminated against are "white" and "asian". As this amendment implies that non-asian minorities are incapable of competing with whites and asians in intellectual arenas, and is therefore racist, this amendment is now pending prosecution for hate speech crimes.
_____
Amendment XV
"Human Rights" shall be defined as only those benefits provided by the State, such as may be funded by taxation. The term "rights" shall not be construed to provide actual rights, such as might exist independent of government control.
Why?
Gnomish Republics
11-01-2005, 04:09
Here's my version:
Amendment I
Religion and State shall be separated as different entities, seeing as one gives spiritual services (Religion) while the other gives realistic services (State). Freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom to worship or not worship is granted and may not be taken away under any circumstances.
Amendment II
All members of militias may own firearms. Militias can be formed by anyone, however they must be approved by the state(as in Kansas, not country) they are located in and have a "Militia Permit". This permit may be taken away if its holders break federal or state law.
Amendment III
The government does not exist to make sure you are not disturbed. Anyone trying to take away someone's rights using this argument (ala gay marriage) will be ignored.
Amendment IV
Everyone has the right to a fair and speedy trial with no cruel or unusual punishment. Excessive bail, fines, or other monetary jurisdictive monetary expenditures will not be levied.
Amendment V
Searches will be conducted on hidden private property only with a warrant or probable cause. Public or openly visible property may be searched without a warrant.
Amendment VI
Citizens may take drugs, smoke, get married with any conscenting adult, and anything else they want so long as it does not involve harming anyone or breaking federal or state law. Wide area of effect damages such as secondary smoke are included.
Amendment VII
The Federal Government exists to govern. The State Government exists to implement the direction of the Federal Government to its locality, and as such may make laws that assist it in doing so.
Whad'ya think?
Zekhaust
11-01-2005, 04:24
Here's my version:
Amendment I
Religion and State shall be separated as different entities, seeing as one gives spiritual services (Religion) while the other gives realistic services (State). Freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom to worship or not worship is granted and may not be taken away under any circumstances.
Amendment II
All members of militias may own firearms. Militias can be formed by anyone, however they must be approved by the state(as in Kansas, not country) they are located in and have a "Militia Permit". This permit may be taken away if its holders break federal or state law.
Amendment III
The government does not exist to make sure you are not disturbed. Anyone trying to take away someone's rights using this argument (ala gay marriage) will be ignored.
Amendment IV
Everyone has the right to a fair and speedy trial with no cruel or unusual punishment. Excessive bail, fines, or other monetary jurisdictive monetary expenditures will not be levied.
Amendment V
Searches will be conducted on hidden private property only with a warrant or probable cause. Public or openly visible property may be searched without a warrant.
Amendment VI
Citizens may take drugs, smoke, get married with any conscenting adult, and anything else they want so long as it does not involve harming anyone or breaking federal or state law. Wide area of effect damages such as secondary smoke are included.
Amendment VII
The Federal Government exists to govern. The State Government exists to implement the direction of the Federal Government to its locality, and as such may make laws that assist it in doing so.
Whad'ya think?
I approve.
Trow Nationals
11-01-2005, 04:35
man, fuck this shit, just do what you want.
i do what i want.
see, the problem is that y'all 's delegating all your personal power and responsibility to a bunch of assholes. fuck liberal, fuck conservative, i take care of me and mine, and i don't need no government, beauracracy, or religious hierarchy to tell me what to do.
if i say the birds should fall dead from the trees then, baby, the birds fall dead from the motherfucking trees.
i'm a radical, kid, the only good government is a dead government. fo sho
Salchicho
11-01-2005, 07:14
well if you want to be an asshole, heres the bill of rights according to your uppity, we-are-better-than-you side
Amendment 1
Church and state may not be seperated, as long as said church is the christian one, provided that it is not catholic. Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, press, or assembly, unless in cases the speech,press, or assembly is against a republican or any person in support of republican ideals. Any petitioning of the government for redress of grievances will result in you being brought up on charges of treason.
Amendment 2
the right to keep and bear arms is a requirement for all non-liberal pussies, any liberal pussy caught with posession of a firearm will eb charged with treason.
Amendment 3
[scratched out]No soldiers will be *snip*[/scratchedout]No person shall be able to have an abortion or otherwise perform an abortion on another person, except in special cases which will be judged by an appointed priest. Oh, and soldiers will be quartered in or near the houses of liberals in war and during peace
Amendment 4
People have the right to be secure in their persons, houses, and things, unless they have been deemed a terrorist, liberal, or other unsavory character by the powers that be.
Amendment 5
No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise serious crime unless they are a liberal, terrorist or otherwise unsavory character as deemed by the powers that be.
Amendment 6
No person shall have the right to a speedy and public trial. All persons accused of a crime can and may be held in prion as long as is deemed necessary by the powers that be.
Amendment 7
No person shall ever be taxed unjustly to pay for the general welfare of the nation or any other purpose for that matter. Any money required for any project will be borrowed from other nations or otherwise pulled out of thin air.
Amendment 8
Excessive bail shall not be required, or bail allowed for any prison sentence, cruel and unusual punishments will not be inflicted, however approved "stress positions" and other "convencing" methods of punishment may be deployed without discretion.
Amendment 9
The enumeration of rights in this Constitution shall not be challenged and will be applied as is, screw the people.
Amendment 10
The powers not delegated to the United States by this Constitution will be usurped if ever they are found out and we shall pretend the states have said rights
Amendment 11
No person has the right to healthcare, food, or other necesities, however anyone not posessing said items will be deported immediately
Amendment 12
The United States government will take no responsibility for any action of any state government as that is not our damn businessLame, bro. Maybe you shouldn't try that again. :sniper: