NationStates Jolt Archive

We all know that in the militaries of the world there have been several really crazy and crappy weapons. The one's that deserve the most mention are the ueber-stupid secret weapons. So, what do you view to be the most craptastic secret weapon of all time?

In my opinion it would be the Japanese Fugo Balloons. This were basically balloons made out of paper that were designed to carry bombs to the US mainland. A few thousand of these were launched into the Pacific Jetstream in hopes that it would reach the US and drop its incendiary bombs and cause forest fires and mass panic.

Now about 500 of these bombs reached the US, but they didn't cause any forest fires or mass panic for that matter. In fact, the only casualties were from a family that saw one and stopped by the side of the road, they started messing with the bomb and it went off.

But the Fugo balloons fell victim to various indignities as well. For example, a Nevada rancher found one and used it as a tarp to cover his hay, with the bombs still attached.

Another Fugo that wound up in the Alaska area just landed and kind of sat there until it was found in 1955.

About ninety balloons made it east of michigan, where they landed and did no damage, the discovery of the bombs was kept secret so panic was kept down.

That's what I'd say the most craptastic secret weapon ever was.

That is so cool it's not even funny.
Actually, more like so funny it's not even cool?
I dunno.
Hooray for lack of detonators!

not really a secret weapon but the mine detecting dolphins that as soon as they were released into the persian gulf just buggered off into the distance, funny as f@@k!!! :D

not really a secret weapon but the mine detecting dolphins that as soon as they were released into the persian gulf just buggered off into the distance, funny as f@@k!!! :D

Oooh the headlines for that one must have been good.

not really a secret weapon but the mine detecting dolphins that as soon as they were released into the persian gulf just buggered off into the distance, funny as f@@k!!! :D
We also have seals that are supposed to capture enemy swimmers.

Craptastic military plans are awesome...dolphins...that's great.

Pigeon guided missiles.

I'm not joking, they did test those.

We also have seals that are supposed to capture enemy swimmers.
these were used in Gulf War 2....The Revenge

Kamikaze Canines.

The Russian military trained dogs to look under tanks for food with the intention that they could be strapped with bombs that would detonate under German tanks. The only problem was that they used Russian tanks to train them with, so that when used in combat they would look under Russian tanks rather then German ones

What about all those Nazi secret projects, like mating German Sheppards with Jewish Women to produce uber-soldiers or something. That was pretty cracked right there.

I remember reading about a Russian military experiment in using dogs with explosives strapped to their backs as a defense against German tanks during WWII. They trained the dogs by keeping their food underneath tanks (old Russian ones, of course, can you see where this is going yet?), until the dogs associated the tanks with food, and automatically ran underneath every tank they saw. First time this was tested in battle, the dogs ran straight under the Russian tanks present, blew them straight up!

Kamikaze Canines.

The Russian military trained dogs to look under tanks for food with the intention that they could be strapped with bombs that would detonate under German tanks. The only problem was that they used Russian tanks to train them with, so that when used in combat they would look under Russian tanks rather then German ones
:D
That is awesome.
Maybe they should have gotten some better dog trainers?

I remember reading about a Russian military experiment in using dogs with explosives strapped to their backs as a defense against German tanks during WWII. They trained the dogs by keeping their food underneath tanks (old Russian ones, of course, can you see where this is going yet?), until the dogs associated the tanks with food, and automatically ran underneath every tank they saw. First time this was tested in battle, the dogs ran straight under the Russian tanks present, blew them straight up!
Got there before you :p

:fluffle:

Kamikaze Canines.

The Russian military trained dogs to look under tanks for food with the intention that they could be strapped with bombs that would detonate under German tanks. The only problem was that they used Russian tanks to train them with, so that when used in combat they would look under Russian tanks rather then German ones
Curses, Conceptualists, I was just typing this one in!
*mutters under his breath*

Curses, Conceptualists, I was just typing this one in!
*mutters under his breath*
:D

One of the alleged attempts to assassinate Castro in the Bay of Pigs days was to plant boobytrapped shells in waters where the leader liked to go diving.

New meaning to "limpet mine"?

:D
Next time, Gadget, next time!

One of the alleged attempts to assassinate Castro in the Bay of Pigs days was to plant boobytrapped shells in waters where the leader liked to go diving.

New meaning to "limpet mine"?
Wasn't there also the exploding cigar (similar to an episode of Mission:Impossible, but I have no idea what came first).

There was also the plan to make some poisoned glasses for Gaddafi.

exploding cigars were tried.

Let's not forget the all-mighty P.1000 tank. 30 meter long tank with two cruiser cannons.
I wonder what kind of steel roads that was designed to drive on, weighing 1000000kg.

Wasn't there also the exploding cigar (similar to an episode of Mission:Impossible, but I have no idea what came first).

There was also the plan to make some poisoned glasses for Gaddafi.

Yeah, there was the exploding cigar, but I thought the rigged shell somehow always tickled my fancy. I mean, what are the chances he'd go after *that* particular shell? What about other divers? Also, I have a thing for the huge undersea melee at the end of Thunderball.

On a less craptastic note, does anybody remember the exploding cell phone maneuver used a couple years back? I think it was used against a Hammas leader, though I remember the gadget better than the specifics.

Waylon Smithers (clubbing Homer with a phone): "It's for you!"

What about the American tests on a nuclear cannon? or how about the nuclear hand grenade? The nuclear bazooka? Yes! We got a new technology, let's staple it to all of our old weapons, radiation? what radiation?.

Kamikaze Canines.

The Russian military trained dogs to look under tanks for food with the intention that they could be strapped with bombs that would detonate under German tanks. The only problem was that they used Russian tanks to train them with, so that when used in combat they would look under Russian tanks rather then German ones
Brilliant!

What about the American tests on a nuclear cannon? or how about the nuclear hand grenade? The nuclear bazooka? Yes! We got a new technology, let's staple it to all of our old weapons, radiation? what radiation?.
Nuclear hand grenade? You have got to be kidding.

What about the American tests on a nuclear cannon? or how about the nuclear hand grenade? The nuclear bazooka? Yes! We got a new technology, let's staple it to all of our old weapons, radiation? what radiation?.

the nuclear hand grenade!!!! how far would you have to lob that baby? can't see arnie picking the pin out with his teeth on that one, not behind the full NBC suit anyway!!! :mp5:

Brilliant!
I'm beginning to wish my NS name was that

The Americans had one where they put a radio antenna and listening equipment inside a cat's tail. Then they got their agents to plant in the area surrounding the Kremlin so they could listen in on the communist's conversation. Alas the cat got run over

We all know that in the militaries of the world there have been several really crazy and crappy weapons. The one's that deserve the most mention are the ueber-stupid secret weapons. So, what do you view to be the most craptastic secret weapon of all time?

In my opinion it would be the Japanese Fugo Balloons. This were basically balloons made out of paper that were designed to carry bombs to the US mainland. A few thousand of these were launched into the Pacific Jetstream in hopes that it would reach the US and drop its incendiary bombs and cause forest fires and mass panic.

Now about 500 of these bombs reached the US, but they didn't cause any forest fires or mass panic for that matter. In fact, the only casualties were from a family that saw one and stopped by the side of the road, they started messing with the bomb and it went off.

But the Fugo balloons fell victim to various indignities as well. For example, a Nevada rancher found one and used it as a tarp to cover his hay, with the bombs still attached.

Another Fugo that wound up in the Alaska area just landed and kind of sat there until it was found in 1955.

About ninety balloons made it east of michigan, where they landed and did no damage, the discovery of the bombs was kept secret so panic was kept down.

That's what I'd say the most craptastic secret weapon ever was.


What he doesn't tell you is that the Japanese had discovered the Jet Stream, years before America and Britain. So, although the results were bad, the actual concept was quite good for it's time.

The Americans had one where they put a radio antenna and listening inside a cat's tail. Then they got their aganets to plant in the area surrounding the Kremlin so they could listen in on the communist's conversation. Alas the cat got run over


ha ha ha..........etc

The Americans had one where they put a radio antenna and listening inside a cat's tail. Then they got their aganets to plant in the area surrounding the Kremlin so they could listen in on the communist's conversation. Alas the cat got run over
Ha

What he doesn't tell you is that the Japanese had discovered the Jet Stream, years before America and Britain. So, although the results were bad, the actual concept was quite good for it's time.
Plus they put plague infected fleas in some of them. Possibly the first intercontinental use of biological weapons.

the patriot missile

During the Gulf War, the US promised to stop the scud missiles from hitting Israel by intercepting them with a new high tech really expensive missile. Some of the scuds were destroyed before they reached Israeli cities. Others hit their targets. Okay, so at least the patriot missiles were able to intercept some of the scuds, right? Not all of the scuds were targeted by patriots. If a scud went off course and was headed for an uninhabited area, nobody tried to stop it. Some of those scuds broke apart before they reached the ground. The percentage of off-course scuds that broke apart was about the same as the percentage of on-course scuds that were supposedly destroyed by patriots.

So the patriot missile didn't help at all, but it gets worse. The pieces of exploded patriot missiles fell to the ground to cause more damage. Twelve years later, a patriot missile destroyed a British warplane. And Zel Miller said John Kerry had voted against the patriot missile system as if doing so were a bad thing

the patriot missile

During the Gulf War, the US promised to stop the scud missiles from hitting Israel by intercepting them with a new high tech really expensive missile. Some of the scuds were destroyed before they reached Israeli cities. Others hit their targets. Okay, so at least the patriot missiles were able to intercept some of the scuds, right? Not all of the scuds were targeted by patriots. If a scud went off course and was headed for an uninhabited area, nobody tried to stop it. Some of those scuds broke apart before they reached the ground. The percentage of off-course scuds that broke apart was about the same as the percentage of on-course scuds that were supposedly destroyed by patriots.

So the patriot missile didn't help at all, but it gets worse. The pieces of exploded patriot missiles fell to the ground to cause more damage. Twelve years later, a patriot missile destroyed a British warplane. And Zel Miller said John Kerry had voted against the patriot missile system as if doing so were a bad thing

Well, the Patriot was origianlly designed as an anit-aircraft missle. It was used to shoot down the Scuds because it was the best we had at the time. So it actually did pretty well, given what we had to work with. However, after the war was over, the Patriot was modified so that it could shoot down missles.

For a stupid idea, how about the plot to poison Hitler's vegetables? The idea was that Hitler was close to the border between male and female, so they paid off a gardener to inject his vegetables with estrogen, in the hopes that it would push him over the edge. The popular theory is that the gardener took the money and chemicals and ran, as we never heard anything about it later.

The British had a real life version of the Bond film's 'Q' in the second world war. I would have to say his greatest invention was....

Anthrax Underpants for Hitler :eek:

The British had a real life version of the Bond film's 'Q' in the second world war. I would have to say his greatest invention was....

Anthrax Underpants for Hitler :eek:

Are you talking about John Pike? Pikereat and all that? Or do you mean R V Jones?

Are you talking about John Pike? Pikereat and all that? Or do you mean R V Jones?
To be honest, it's so long since I heard it that I'm not sure. I think it was RV Jones, because I'm pretty sure that it wasn't the same man who invented Pycrete (sp?). Anyway, that was a great invention. Would have worked too, if it wasn't for the invention of the Atomic bomb

To be honest, it's so long since I heard it that I'm not sure. I think it was RV Jones, because I'm pretty sure that it wasn't the same man who invented Pycrete (sp?). Anyway, that was a great invention. Would have worked too, if it wasn't for the invention of the Atomic bomb

Well, Pike was the eccentric friend of Churchill who came up with Pikreat (sp? don't ask me) and the idea of a snow tank. RV Jones was an expert on radio waves, jammed the German homing beams that the bombers were using to fly at night, and invented chaff. And one of the two thought of the idea of floating a rubber Great Britain out in the North Sea to confuse the German bombers. This idea was not carried out for the obvious reasons.

Well, Pike was the eccentric friend of Churchill who came up with Pikreat (sp? don't ask me) and the idea of a snow tank. RV Jones was an expert on radio waves, jammed the German homing beams that the bombers were using to fly at night, and invented chaff. And one of the two thought of the idea of floating a rubber Great Britain out in the North Sea to confuse the German bombers. This idea was not carried out for the obvious reasons.
Who was it that invented those Heath-Robinson style anti-mine tanks with the rotating flails on the front used in D-Day? They were cool AND effective!

There was that that pyrocrete stuff which was glue and sawdust frozen together until it became an impossibly hard substance. They were going to make a battlefleet out of it but the war ended. It looked like ice.

There was that that pyrocrete stuff which was glue and sawdust frozen together until it became an impossibly hard substance. They were going to make a battlefleet out of it but the war ended. It looked like ice.
look up ^

For a stupid idea, how about the plot to poison Hitler's vegetables? The idea was that Hitler was close to the border between male and female, so they paid off a gardener to inject his vegetables with estrogen, in the hopes that it would push him over the edge. The popular theory is that the gardener took the money and chemicals and ran, as we never heard anything about it later.

Hang on...they could have paid him to inject some horrific toxin into the vegetables, which would kill Hitler. But they decided to pay him to inject oestrogen!?!


SS officer: Ach, mein fuhrer has been looking effeminate lately. We will have to call off ein war!

Who was it that invented those Heath-Robinson style anti-mine tanks with the rotating flails on the front used in D-Day? They were cool AND effective!
I found this site:
http://www.d-daytanks.org.uk/articles/flail-tanks.html
which has some pretty cool stuff on it.
The most common "flail" tank on D-Day was the Sherman "Crab", but there were lots of other weird tanks on D-Day, mostly developed under the direction of Major-General Percy Hobart. There was the Duplex Drive tank, fitted with a screw propeller and waterproof canvas screen that could swim ashore (not kidding, a swimming tank!), there was the "Crocodile" flame-throwing tank, a tank with a huge mortar attached, and many others. See here:
http://www.24hourmuseum.org.uk/trlout/TRA22135.html
for some more details.

While trying to find what pycrete was (never heard of it before, embarassingly), I did come across this:
http://www.stormy.ca/marine/habbakuk.html

A WWII project to fool the Germans with an overgrown aircraft carrier - 2000 feet long, weighing in at 1.8 million tons.
...a 60 foot by 30 foot "model" was built in Canada (on Lake Patricia, Alberta). The model, made by just a handful of workers in two months, disguised to look like a boat house (to hide it from "enemy reconnaissance") weighed over a thousand tons and was completed in March 1943.

Well lets see there was the Philadelphia Experiment, (the real one not the crappy movie about time travel). In World War II they ran high current radio waves through the metal plating of a ship to jam radar. Electrocuted almost everyone.

Pigeon guided missiles.

I'm not joking, they did test those.

Bat bombs.

http://www.afa.org/magazine/1990/1090bat.html

And who can forget the British developed landmines disguised as camel droppings for use in North Africa?: the logic here was that drivers across the desert would be so terminally bored that they would see the pile of (apparently) camel droppings and deliberately try and hit them with their wheels for some entertainment. They were surprisingly effective.

What about the American tests on a nuclear cannon? or how about the nuclear hand grenade? The nuclear bazooka? Yes! We got a new technology, let's staple it to all of our old weapons, radiation? what radiation?.
A nuclear handgrenade sounds kewl ... if you can run fast enough after you pull the pin. :D

Who was it that invented those Heath-Robinson style anti-mine tanks with the rotating flails on the front used in D-Day? They were cool AND effective!
Probably developed by some nameless military mechanic, as was the dozer-bladed tank the Allies used to bust through the hedgerows in Normandy. :)

Radar. I mean, what a useless invention.

Or, alternatively, the V1 and V2. What useless inventions. Sure, the V2 couldn't be intercepted, but why would Hitler think that, after the blitz, Britain could be forced to give up by a few random and sporadic explosions which were nothing compared to the blitz? Especially now that the allies were pushing back the Reich. He would have done a far better job building planes.

Hitler: I have a plan! We shall crush the British will to fight with a second CAMPAIGN OF TERROR! This time, our campaign will be short, and mainly random, as opposed to the vast terror we unleashed just years previously. In their surprise, the British will immediately surrender and victory will be mine! Ack! But first I shall eat this fruit *eats fruit*.... yes. I think I shall go and wash mein hair. And take several baths. And what's with everyone wearing these plain uniforms? Don't you watch TV? You don't understand me! No-one understands me! You hate me because I'm fat!

There was that that pyrocrete stuff which was glue and sawdust frozen together until it became an impossibly hard substance. They were going to make a battlefleet out of it but the war ended. It looked like ice.

how could that work
i have heard of it before and couldnt understand the concept of it, its like making an MDF tank

Probably developed by some nameless military mechanic, as was the dozer-bladed tank the Allies used to bust through the hedgerows in Normandy. :)


Hobbart

Hobbarts funnies

Hobbart

Hobbarts funnies

Thanks for that: I was raking my brain trying to come up with the chap's name. I even had the phrase "Thingyblah's Funnies" on the tip of my tongue, but just couldn't get it.

There's always the Bob Semple. It was a NZ tank with corrugated (or maybe angle) iron for armor. It had a huge profile, and the driver had to lay on a matress on the engine block. Presumably the Japanese would be laughing so hard they wouldn't be able to fight. http://mailer.fsu.edu/~akirk/tanks/newzealand/newzealand.html

Meanwhile Australia was developing the AC series of tanks. Those would have wiped the desert of anything the Japanese had (and probably a lot of other nation's medium tanks too, even the much lauded T34 :p).

There was never a nuclear hand-grenade.

The atomic cannons (http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/ground/m65.htm) were deployed in Germany during the Cold War, as were the Davy Crockett Nuclear Bazookas (recoilless rifles) (http://www.brook.edu/FP/PROJECTS/NUCWCOST/DAVYC.HTM) and nuclear land mines (http://www.brook.edu/FP/projects/nucwcost/madm.htm), but no grenades.

The world has also known nuclear air-to-air and surface-to air missiles/rockets, nuclear torpedoes, and nuclear depth charges.

There was this one study done with cats hooked to bombs. The idea was that cats always landed on their feet, so they hooked guidence cables to the cat's feet. They would drop them over the ocean near an enemy navy and their idea was that the cats would see the land below and try to land on it, thus guiding the bombs to the ships below.

It was really expensive and had little positive results, so it was quickly forgotten.

There was this one study done with cats hooked to bombs. The idea was that cats always landed on their feet, so they hooked guidence cables to the cat's feet. They would drop them over the ocean near an enemy navy and their idea was that the cats would see the land below and try to land on it, thus guiding the bombs to the ships below.

It was really expensive and had little positive results, so it was quickly forgotten.

Mostly likely because the bombardiers couldn't stand the scratches.

"Bomb's away! Dumb cat! Leggo my shirt!"

Mostly likely because the bombardiers couldn't stand the scratches.

"Bomb's away! Dumb cat! Leggo my shirt!"


EIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

"sir we lost another bombardier, no sir, he didn't do any better at aiming the bomb then the cat sir."

And who can forget the British developed landmines disguised as camel droppings for use in North Africa?: the logic here was that drivers across the desert would be so terminally bored that they would see the pile of (apparently) camel droppings and deliberately try and hit them with their wheels for some entertainment. They were surprisingly effective.

Similar to the exploding rat. Concept simple. You fill a rat with plastic exposive (/w detonator of course) and leave near a pile of coal use for a boiler with the hope that Someone would shovel it into the boiler. Also there were ideas for making exploding pieces of coal.

However the Nazis intercepted the first shipment so they became a bit useless apparently. Click! (http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/war/wwtwo/soe_gallery_05.shtml)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/war/wwtwo/images/gal_soe_explosive_rat.jpg

There were also a few variations in the theme. There were also rat mine, dead rats left on patrol routes filled with explosives, the idea being that German sentries (being a bored lot) would kick it out the war. Not sure if it was ever successful though.

Can you imagine what it's like in these military invention places during WWII?

"Uh, Dr. Whatever, I've got a new invention for you"
"Yes, yes. What is it?"
"Uh, I er, just invented the dung beetle grenade"
*long pause*
"...This just might be useful on the African front.."
*6 months later*
"Britain loses the fight in Africa after massive failure of dung beetle grenades leads to mass slaughter of every British Trooper. The Nazis win. Game over"
Thank god that never happened

*salutes the swastika*

*not really*

Can you imagine what it's like in these military invention places during WWII?

"Uh, Dr. Whatever, I've got a new invention for you"
"Yes, yes. What is it?"
"Uh, I er, just invented the dung beetle grenade"
*long pause*
"...This just might be useful on the African front.."
*6 months later*
"Britain loses the fight in Africa after massive failure of dung beetle grenades leads to mass slaughter of every British Trooper. The Nazis win. Game over"
Thank god that never happened

*salutes the swastika*

*not really*

And you wonder why the CIA alledgedly gave LSD to soldiers.

And you wonder why the CIA alledgedly gave LSD to soldiers.
Ha. I've seen a video of that. And the one where they tested PCP on a marine. They are funny as hell

There's also the 'interesting' way some equipment was delivered to its agent. Low flying airplanes would chuck them out near them. There were quite a few 'near misses'

There is also the Soviet solution to not having enough parachutes for there soldiers. The plans flew sloe and low.

[not sure about the last in all honesty]

There's also the 'interesting' way some equipment was delivered to its agent. Low flying airplanes would chuck them out near them. There were quite a few 'near misses'

There is also the Soviet solution to not having enough parachutes for there soldiers. The plans flew sloe and low.

[not sure about the last in all honesty]
In Soviet Russia, plane jumps from you! :D

[QUOTE=The Tribes Of Longton]Ha. I've seen a video of that. And the one where they tested PCP on a marine. They are funny as hell[/QUOTE


Don't laugh, the military in the US can still use troops as medical guinea pigs anytime it wants.

It doesn't stop when you get out. Right now VA medical is a human trial reservoir for the US pharmaceutical industry.