NationStates Jolt Archive

I would. I would feed him nothing but coffee and cigarettes as a baby to stunt his growth. Then I would file his teeth into sharp points. He would ride everywhere on a pet goat. I would teach him to speak spanish but not english, and he would carry nunchakus and wear a cowboy hat. Also he will be completely hairless.

Wow...that's pretty specific.

Wow, that's a sweet clone...

Wow, that's a sweet clone...

Thank you, I shall call him "El Guapo" and he shall be my dearest companion. In fact upon my death he shall be cast into my grave to accompany me to the afterlife.

While not giving him a formal education, I will give him full access to my collection of Bruce Lee movies so that he may watch them and master the fighting style of Jeet kun do. When he progresses sufficently in his training I shall enter him in the bloody world of underground bareknuckle midget boxing so that he may earn me a healthy profit. His sharpened teeth shall be coated with deadly cobra venom (which he will have gradually build up an immunity to) so that if gets into trouble he could dispatch his opponent with a single bite.

Of course I will surgically implant an explosive charge in his chest cavity so that if he should ever betray me, all I need do to destroy him would be to push the detenator button hidden on my watch.

But enough about me and El Guapo, what would you do if you could make a clone of yourself?

I'd keep five or six mes in stasis to use as organ banks.

I'd make about 25,000 of me and go kick the shit out of Keanu Reeves.

I'd make about 25,000 of me and go kick the shit out of Keanu Reeves.

Watch out...he knows kung fu.

Watch out...he knows kung fu.

Yes, but I have cooler sunglasses.

I have other more insidious ways of spreading my DNA around the planet. :D

Yes, but I have cooler sunglasses.

I poop out cooler things than Keanu Reeves' sunglasses.

I poop out cooler things than Keanu Reeves' sunglasses.

Is that documented? And if so, who documented it? I want specifics!

I poop out cooler things than Keanu Reeves' sunglasses.

You should put that on ratemypoo.com

You should put that on ratemypoo.com

Christ! That site is real! ANd gross! :eek:

Dear lord, that site is real. Why, God, why?

Dear lord, that site is real. Why, God, why?

Apparently, to rate poo. :eek:

Apparently, to rate poo. :eek:

The collective dignity of the human race is sitting in those toilet bowls.

Apparently, to rate poo. :eek:

I'm scared to look how bad is it?!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :confused:

I'm scared to look how bad is it?!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :confused:

I don't know. I didn't stay long. Page 1 had a brown snake curled up in a toilet bowl and I backed out quickly.

I have other more insidious ways of spreading my DNA around the planet. :D
Agreed!

Christ! That site is real! ANd gross! :eek:

Cripes! I didn't realize people didn't know it was real. heh ... sorry. At least it wasn't goatse. :D

There's lots of places like that ... ratemyboobs, ratemyboner, etc etc .... check out rotten.com for links.

There's lots of places like that ... ratemyboobs, ratemyboner, etc etc .... check out rotten.com for links.

I've got my weekend planned.

WoW! That was the second most discusting thing that I have ever seen!
rotten.com is worse

Why would I create a mini-me? I don't want to upstage myself.

Why would I create a mini-me? I don't want to upstage myself.

A mini me would upstage you, he would compliment your coolness. Girls would find him adorable and would come up and talk to you so they could pet him. He would keep your house clean and make you a cold drink after a hard day at work. A mini you would be very handy.

I don't know. I didn't stay long. Page 1 had a brown snake curled up in a toilet bowl and I backed out quickly.


Rofl

I always wanted to make a mini-me
or maybe identical clones that are fully under my control to do my evil biddings

like stealing all the cream horns from the village bakery
or even french horns from the village brass instrument store
or maybe rhino horns from the village zoo

it all sounds like tooo much fun
bring on the clones


BTW i loved the reactions to ratemypoo.com............and Keruvalia they are lucky you hadn't posted goatse :D

why did i have to look at ratemypoo..... WHY!!????

BTW i loved the reactions to ratemypoo.com............and Keruvalia they are lucky you hadn't posted goatse :D

It's almost like watching people's faces when they see tubgirl for the first time.

The progression is like this: :) :confused: :( :eek: :D :cool:

My personal favorite, however, is uglypeople.com closely followed by ratemymanboobies.com <--- be warned, there are some things you cannot unsee.

why did i have to look at ratemypoo..... WHY!!????

You bookmarked it and you know it. :p

why did i have to look at ratemypoo..... WHY!!????

You're lucky. I went on it with a friend and they insisted on looking at practically all the poos.

:gundge: Until they make a :vomiting: smily, this will have to do. I really cannot describe in words how revolting it was...

Yes I would.

I would genticly alter his DNA so he was 20% Monkey, 5% Rabbid Beaver, another 75% ME! I would make him work out 7 hours a day, four days a week to get him really buff, and he would have a shoulder holster with a 9mm in it. He wqould were a ski mask to appear as a threating terrorist or bank robber, and I would teach him to drive.

And just in case he turnned on my, I'd have a buzzer inplanted in his gun hand that would cause him great discomfort if he displease me.

could someone please explain to me why i thought rotten.com would not be a real site or that it would at least be a funny one. :( :eek:

luckily, i have yet to type in rotten.com

Yes I would.

I would genticly alter his DNA so he was 20% Monkey, 5% Rabbid Beaver, another 75% ME! I would make him work out 7 hours a day, four days a week to get him really buff, and he would have a shoulder holster with a 9mm in it. He wqould were a ski mask to appear as a threating terrorist or bank robber, and I would teach him to drive.

And just in case he turnned on my, I'd have a buzzer inplanted in his gun hand that would cause him great discomfort if he displease me.

Ooh, a genetically modified animal/clone hybrid! Very island of Dr Moreau! I don't know about the combination of monkey and beaver DNA, you would probably just get an ugly kid with buckteeth and a unibrow. :p

Since we are playing God I would throw in camel DNA so he can spit long distances with great accuracy, and throw in phosophorecent jellyfish DNA so he glows in the dark, so you can track him down at night if he trys to sneak away and join the circus.

I would clone myself. It would not be mini. It would instead have two X chromosomes and no Y chromosome.
Cloning: making sex with yourself so much better than masturbation.

Ahahhah! Are people really *that* curious to look at really nastly links?

And no to the original question

I would clone myself. It would not be mini. It would instead have two X chromosomes and no Y chromosome.
Cloning: making sex with yourself so much better than masturbation.

Wow but think of the akward family renunions. I guess if you were going to clone a female version of youself for sexual purposes you would probably keep it locked away in the basement chained to the radiator or something away from the judging eyes of society, but still that is pretty nasty. I wouldnt' want a female verison of me, do you masturbate while staring at yourself in the mirror?

Of COURSE I would! The world deserves as much as me as it can get!

What's more, it'd be superior to mating with some chick and having her pop out a diluted, pseudo-mini-me. Not only would I not have to put up with marriage, there is no one else in the world who knows exactly what my upbringing will need! Yep, I know exactly what kind of childhood I want and need, so I get to raise my other me as perfectly as a parent can raise his ... clone.

In fact, I'd clone myself multiple times, just to make sure a few of them turned out okay. The rest would gladly organize with me into an unstoppable army. Threats to myself from them or power struggles, we'd avoid, because I'm rational and realize that if my clone were to procreate, it'd be MY genes he's passing on so the survival of all of my clones and my original self would be in the best interests of us all. What's more I'd see the immediate advantages of having dozens of myself, and want to keep that advantage for world domination.

I've given it a lot of thought. It wouldn't be as fun if they were real clones, that started at birth and have to grow up, I'd much rather an insta-clone. But, even if they were real clones, at least they'd have the sense of an army of selves (assuming they were cloned and born at the same age). To me they'd be more like children.

Hmm, on second thought I just realized, there could be too many. If my clones became a sizeable chunk of the population, the genetic pool would obviously be smaller and there could eventually be the danger of inbreeding and devolution. So at some point, there would have to be an end to the clones. And if this occurs to me right now, it'll certainly occur to my creative other selves, and if one of them accidentally turns crazy? Uh oh.

So, I figure, about... 1000 clones. Nah, 10,000. That'd do it.

Simple i would clone myself and fake my own death and that when the clones dead i would go and see the world :cool:

o wait i can do that already i have a twin brother the only diffrence between us is that i have a spot i my left hand and he has one his right :p

Personally I'd work on stem cells and see if I can get a bigger penis and keep my hair from falling out.