NationStates Jolt Archive

I have a very good freind who is very heavily involved in an online relationship. It is to the point where they are talking about marrige eventually. They have yet to actually meet. He has "introduced" me to his partner in this venture, and she is very nice, and crazy over him. She has in fact since then become a very good freind even though we have never actually met. But I think that these two are causing themselves way more trouble than it is worth. So the question is do online relationships work? As an exclusive relationship? If no give why, same with depends.

bump

As with all relationships, it depends.

I would not advise on marrige until they meet though. I would advise strongly against anything close to it, in fact.

Online relationships work, in much the same way that in earlier periods, pen-pal relationships worked.

People want to reach out to one another, to find another person (or people) who mean "home" to them. They will do this whereever they can.

Although real life relationships - including sex - can be easier than online relationships, there are many, many other factors which can be give just as many difficulties in a relationship as not being able to touch.

I have a very good freind who is very heavily involved in an online relationship. It is to the point where they are talking about marrige eventually. They have yet to actually meet. He has "introduced" me to his partner in this venture, and she is very nice, and crazy over him. She has in fact since then become a very good freind even though we have never actually met. But I think that these two are causing themselves way more trouble than it is worth. So the question is do online relationships work? As an exclusive relationship? If no give why, same with depends.
Talking about marriage before they've even met? I quess online relationships can work, but hopefully they do realise that they don't actually know each other at all. IMO every couple should live together at least 6 months before they get married.

No, they cant. At least not the way it takes to think about marriage. Try living day-to-day life in normal circumstances for a while, with the partners annoying little quirks not hidden by a long-distance medium. Its possible to start a relationship online, but to live it there is lying to oneself.

I think it depends on the particular couple.

It works for me and my girlfriend, though. :)

I'm sure many relationships that start over the internet can/have bloomed into 'real life' love. But you'd be putting yourself at risk by getting deeply involved with someone that you haven't even met yet in real life. Unless they talk constantly on the phone how does he know she isnt married? Even if they did talk alot on the phone, the husband could work out of town or something. I mean nowadays its hard enough trusting someone you can actually feel and see(eyes/expressions), much less over the internet.

I played Everquest for 2 years, spent hours on end with people I thought I 'knew' (character, integrity etc.)... I didn't. Hard to tell about people. Is best to lead with your head first and don't wear your heart on your sleeve, but this guy is already deeply involved as you say and I'm sure he trusts her and feels he 'knows' her. It will just have to play out. I hope for both their sake, they are being honest with one another and all works out well :) I'm a firm believer that whats meant to be will be. But if his gut instinct is tellign him something isn't right.. It probably isn't.

As with all relationships, it depends.

I would not advise on marrige until they meet though. I would advise strongly against anything close to it, in fact.

O hell, they are planning on getting married before they meet, WTF? :eek: You can do that? Are they are planning on living with one another ever after they get married? Him move to her, her to him..meet halfway? If not then cybor love has taken a turn I didn't know about. Not my bag, I'd have to sleep with my man. But its not my bag is it.. its theirs. Whatever floats their boat.

I know of a few "online relationships" that have worked, though marriage never happened until after the online relationship became a real life one.

Online friendships are as real as you want them to be. I have met loads of online pals now through meets organised through various sites, these meets generally take place over a weekend in an organised way (like meeting for a meal and then onto a pub or club for a nights fun), that way there is no danger of meeting a crazed axe weilding pedophile at a railway station.

Of the people who I know of that have met online and continued to a relationship and marriage all of them are still together and happy.
Get to know your online friend offline, that seems to be the sensible way to continue onto something more serious like marriage.

no... online relationships do not work... I have NEVER seen them work, ever. why not go get a real life instead?

Firstly, I think it's unfair to say that they don't know each other merely because they haven't seen each other - look at it logically: how do you know that someone you've met has given you his/her right name, age, etc? The answer is, very simply, you don't. You are assuming that he or she is telling the truth - same thing goes for online relationships, only in a much more vague sense.

Secondly, misrepresentation is a real possibility, but why would either one do that to the other (and to themselves) at this point? I think that if they "know" each other well enough (bear in mind, there is no such thing as "knowing" another person) for marriage, in their eyes, then they should go for it.

I personally would never get entangled in it, since I am underage and have better options in real, offline time anyway.

Bare in mind that when I go out with a girl, I can do this: :fluffle: When you "go out" with your online "date," you might walk away like this: :confused: . . . and they can't do this: :fluffle:

I think they can work to a point.
I first met my wife online and talked by email for a little while, however we arranged to meet in person fairly quickly, and went from there.
Although arranging to marry someone with only an online relationship would not be for me, I can assume it's possible. There are still many cultures in the world that have arranged marriages where neither bride nor groom have met each other. There was a girl at my wife's office who's family in India made arrangements for her to marry a man in Virginia, USA. And off she flew.

Strange creatures, humans . . .

Strange creatures, humans . . .

*nods in agreement*

My problem is this-you DON'T really know a person-online or offline-unless you've been around them a lot.

I have no problems with a relationship starting and continuing online, but to TRULY know someone, you have to BE with them. And not just for a few minutes to make out.

Firstly, I think it's unfair to say that they don't know each other merely because they haven't seen each other - look at it logically: how do you know that someone you've met has given you his/her right name, age, etc? The answer is, very simply, you don't. You are assuming that he or she is telling the truth - same thing goes for online relationships, only in a much more vague sense.
One thing that you can really only know if you meet irl is if your chemistry works. If you cant stand the other persons pheromones no amount of liking her personality will make you want to marry her. Personally i couldnt stand to be with a person with an annoying voice, too.

IMO...

Meeting people online could possibly be a good way to linking up with someone, and developing to a more conventional relationship - but living a relationship online is a bad idea.

Marry her? WTF? :eek: Before they've met? = bad idea.

By all means, they're relationship and love may be genuine, but discussing marriage before you've even met face to face seems a bit... optimistic?

I have a very good freind who is very heavily involved in an online relationship. It is to the point where they are talking about marrige eventually. They have yet to actually meet. He has "introduced" me to his partner in this venture, and she is very nice, and crazy over him. She has in fact since then become a very good freind even though we have never actually met. But I think that these two are causing themselves way more trouble than it is worth. So the question is do online relationships work? As an exclusive relationship? If no give why, same with depends.

Hrmmm. Well I know that SOME online relationships work out very well. My BF's best friend married his online sweetie and they and their children are doing as well as any other couple could expect to do. Before any talk of marriage ever took place, they met face to face and had an IRL relationship for about a year's time, during which they moved in together and got to know each other's bad habits, personal quirks and idiosyncracies firsthand just as any "regular" couple would.

BUT.

This is more often than not just not the case. MANY online relationships fail miserably. The reasons for this failure are pretty common sense, though common sense isn't all that common when it comes to modern people and affairs of the heart (or gonads as is more often the case LOL). People have this amazingly silly tendency to jump right into things will-ye-nill-ye without taking the time to think about them (and I find that this is utterly regardless of age) or getting to really know the other half of the equation.

The girl or guy on the other side of the monitor could indeed be drop-dead gorgeous, seem smart and witty, sound good and give every external indication of being The One, but appearances are VERY decieving. Even in more traditional meeting-n-mating scenarios, one is more often than not getting a very inaccurate picture of who they're preparing to get down with -- right up until they come into personal, sustained contact with one another and pretenses and "best behavior" can't hold up any longer.

I don't think that meeting people online is a bad thing at all. However I DO think that those who meet from online contact should exercise more caution and thought about how they proceed into the desired relationship before rushing into any kind of real commitment.

IMO every couple should live together at least 6 months before they get married.

Ha! If that were true, then just about every marriage before the 60's shouldn't have happened. Living together out of wedlock and general breakdown of the traditional family unit have led to the problems this country has today. While I'm not advocating marrying soemone you don't even know.. history has plenty of examples of marriages that arose from only correspondence. During many times of war and with aristocratic families of yore, this was the status quo. Many husbands and wives met for the first time on their wedding day.

Auburn Uni

Ha! If that were true, then just about every marriage before the 60's shouldn't have happened. Living together out of wedlock and general breakdown of the traditional family unit have led to the problems this country has today. While I'm not advocating marrying soemone you don't even know.. history has plenty of examples of marriages that arose from only correspondence. During many times of war and with aristocratic families of yore, this was the status quo. Many husbands and wives met for the first time on their wedding day.

Auburn Uni

Auburn, that may have worked when women could not easily make ends meet alone due to societal and legal issues that made it VERY difficult for a woman to live on her own in any comfort, but today, when both men and women can make ends meet seperately and where it is societally acceptible for women to live on their own without a man's support, it no longer works so well.

You see, back even as recently as the 60s, a woman's only real hope of living an even vaguely comfortable life lay in getting married and STAYING that way, even if many women were deeply unhappy in their marriages and the roles society permitted them. Arranged marriages go on that same measure. Now that we (women) have had a taste of freedom and autonomy, that kind of garbage doesn't fly as often and new ways have had to been implemented -- including living together.

Eeesh... get with the times.

My relationship started online, knew him for 3 years and corresponded, we met with him coming to the states for 6 months agreed to marry and I moved here to England to be with him, We will have our 2 year anniversay in March.

Like others have said need to meet in person and even after two years I am still finding new quirks that drive me nuts. But am ever so happy.

I think online relationships can work, I even know of a married couple who met online, but people can be different in real life. Lots of people are shyer when you actually meet them and you can find there is not much to say because you have already discussed everything. I would also warn that web cams can be deciving as to peoples looks.
Basically it may work out but as others have said they should get to know each other better in real life before doing anything serious.

They can work.

they have as good a chance of working these days as an "IRL" relationship. (which doesn't tend to be good if you look at statistics on the news) (which are skewed anyways...). My point is, they CAN work, have worked, and will work. But, you haave to be sooo bloody careful as well. Predators, and their ilk are a major problem, and whoever said about the pheromones has a good point as well.

I am currently in an online relationship, I've talked to the girl on the phone, she's awesome. Will I marry her? I SERIOSULY doubt it, but that isn't saying that I won't.

Humanity is rather stupid usually isnt it?

Well, my dad met my step mom through an online dating service, he was still married at the time and I hate him for his actions but I still love him, and he is now happily married again and my mom is finally starting to get over it. I have met people online and became friends with them, and this just said relationships, friendship is a type of relationship so I guess that counts to. So yes, they can be healthy, long lasting relationships that can eventually lead to a more serious relationship, but on the internet a person can be whomever they want and might not be what they say they, you have to watch out for pedophiles like that.

It is quite possible, but depends on the people involved. I am currently in an online relationship for over a year now, and have only seen my honey once. (He in Canada, me in Cali.) However, we talk about marriage, sex, religion, family, finances, the future, pretty much everything under the sun.

And we're still going strong. But the main reason why we're doing so well is that we trust each other wholeheartedly, despite not being able to be a regular physical part of each other's lives at the current time. From experience, it's clear that if you prize physical connection over spiritual or mind, online romance is not for you. But if you can hold it off for awhile, and focus on the mental and spiritual aspects, it's ideal.

-Nova, proud supporter of online romance. :D

You bet they work. I can personally attest to that fact. :D