NationStates Jolt Archive

What is it with people these days that makes it more socially acceptible to beat and bully than to kiss and hold hands? Honestly, I really would love to see how you all feel about this.

I'm an East Coast American who is old enough to remember when it was okay to hold hands, embrace and even kiss in public. I grew up in a society where publicly expressing one's affection for another person wasn't frowned upon as long as the people doing the expressing weren't feeling each other up or dryhumping each other where people could see them. But times have changed and so has the society I live in.

NOW it seems that being rude, cold, and both verbally and physically violent in public is far more tolerated than a simple kiss or verbal expression of deep affection. It honestly bothers and worries me to see people act as if it were perfectly fine for some college kid to smack his so-called buddy in the back of his head while the same witnesses tell a pair of mature adults to "get a room" when they shared a very brief kiss that didn't even include tongue.

I've seen these scenarios in malls, on the street, in theatres and galleries and at restaurants. The degree of negative reaction towards public mild displays of affection varies from some quiet, uncomfortable complaint to outright immature mocking. And sadly the degrees seem to not conform to agegroup or even social class.

I find it shocking and disgusting that people should be more offended and uncomfortable with displays of affection than they are with displays of violence and intimidation. But as disturbed as I am by this current social shift in attitudes, I find myself wondering how it came to be and WHY anyone would find such a paradigm shift to be acceptible. Obviously I am in a minority, or this kind of thing would not be so widespread and commonly accepted that I'd witness it so often.

okay, but here in the West Coast, things aren't colored with rainbow colors and we're faced with a problem called "human idiocity"

Then again, this IS California.

okay, but here in the West Coast, things aren't colored with rainbow colors and we're faced with a problem called "human idiocity"

Then again, this IS California.

Okay, tell me, HOW does your post answer or comment on the subject I have raised? Or am I simply being dense to some random attempt to boost post count on your part?

Oh yeah... California. Eat some meat, light up a cigarette and have a Coke and a smile. You might be able to form a coherent thought on the subject and quite possibly even post it.

Okay, tell me, HOW does your post answer or comment on the subject I have raised? Or am I simply being dense to some random attempt to boost post count on your part?

Oh yeah... California. Eat some meat, light up a cigarette and have a Coke and a smile. You might be able to form a coherent thought on the subject and quite possibly even post it.
my point exactly

It's because of MTV and the spread of "Rebellious Teen Culture" into the public at large.

We don't quite get that problem in most of Canada... so maybe it's an American thing? Assuming of course, that you're in the US.

It's because of MTV and the spread of "Rebellious Teen Culture" into the public at large.

We don't quite get that problem in most of Canada... so maybe it's an American thing? Assuming of course, that you're in the US.

I'm not quite sure, as I haven't been outside of America since the 70s, and this trend is a post 70s occurance. Yes, I am sometimes ashamed to admit to it, but I am an American, born and raised.

I'm not completely sure that I agree with blaming this phenomenon on MTV and "rebellious youth culture" though. I was a rebellious youth, many, many years ago. Everyone I know from the generation before mine was a "rebellious youth" at one time or another. I imagine that being a teen and rebellious are more or less synonamous. After all, the teen years are typically the phase of life where all humans naturally push the boundaries and try to find their own place in existance...

You could always do what I do and blame it on rap. Seriously, I've noticed that people who listen to oldies like the Beach Boys and the Beatles have less violent tendencies than people who listen to rap. It could all be coincidence, of course.

You could always do what I do and blame it on rap. Seriously, I've noticed that people who listen to oldies like the Beach Boys and the Beatles have less violent tendencies than people who listen to rap. It could all be coincidence, of course.

I do not believe that music influences people's beliefs and actions, though I must say there seems to be a lot to back up the theory that music does influence a person's moods and state of well-being. I think the genre of music a person prefers is more a function of that person's aesthetic than it is a definer of that person's beliefs and behavior.

I've never seen a difference in one's tolerance towards affection OR violence in people I know who listen to country, classic pop (Beach Boys), punk, rap, goth or industrial.

Fair enough. My only physical proof is the old adage "music soothes the savage beast," which I doubt helps my case anyways. However, I have found that, for example, I tend to drive slower and more safely when I listen to classical music or "oldies," whereas my sister listens to heavier rock when she feels she needs to drive faster and stay awake.

Only in America, I guess. *shrugs*

I'm not quite sure, as I haven't been outside of America since the 70s, and this trend is a post 70s occurance. Yes, I am sometimes ashamed to admit to it, but I am an American, born and raised.

I'm not completely sure that I agree with blaming this phenomenon on MTV and "rebellious youth culture" though. I was a rebellious youth, many, many years ago. Everyone I know from the generation before mine was a "rebellious youth" at one time or another. I imagine that being a teen and rebellious are more or less synonamous. After all, the teen years are typically the phase of life where all humans naturally push the boundaries and try to find their own place in existance...

I wasn't attributing it directly to MTV and Rebellious Teen culture, I was saying the mass accecptance of more and more of "Rebellious Teen Culture" among many groups, is a result of things like MTV and other mass media systems spreading this culture to everyone.
Quite Simply, it's because "Rebellion" has spread out beyonf it's safe confies into groups who can not use it correctly, and can not understand it fully.
An example..
"Smack my bitch up" can mean one thing to a Teen, and may not even be viloent.
But someone of a different group, say an older person, younger person, or even one socio-economicly different would take it as something entirely different. And as such, with mass exposure over time, would begin to adopt it with little to no meaning of the origonal Teen motive. Which could result in said person hitting his wife.
That being a very loose, rought, not likely example, but I hope it at least helps.

Fair enough. My only physical proof is the old adage "music soothes the savage beast," which I doubt helps my case anyways. However, I have found that, for example, I tend to drive slower and more safely when I listen to classical music or "oldies," whereas my sister listens to heavier rock when she feels she needs to drive faster and stay awake.

Yeah, I HAVE noticed it does effect a person's levels of alertness and the speed at which one drives.

Dostan... I think you have a seriously valid point there.

Off to bed with me.

It is not simply the acceptance of violence that is the issue-it's the pariahship (probebly not a word, but hey, why not) of sex.

People have gotten so paranoid about it that it seems they want the world to be a cold sterile place.

I remember going to Universal here in California, and somehow ended up running into the same couple 3 or 4 times. They were snuggling up at the shows and whatnot...I personally thought it was the cutest thing ever. But, one jackass ended up giving them the stink eye, and the guy just kinda sighed and shook his head when he saw said stinkeye.

And then I tripped and accidently threw-SPILLED my soda all over the asshole. Oops. So very clumsy, two left feet, and whatnot.

I don't suppose anyone here is familiar with the "happy couple beating stick" are they? I find that most people who are uncomfortable with such displays of affection are often incapable of giving or reciving them...even if they are in love or married.

Some people just cannot express affection, and some cannot stand seeing it. Be it jealousy or some other emotion that stirs them. I think the sentiments of these people has combined with the latent puratism that resides in US culture. We seem to be undergoing a revival of public shunning of love and affection; yet violence was still acceptable, especially when tied to patriotism.

As someone said of american movies, "You can cut the breast off, but you can't kiss it."

It all goes back to those damned Puritans! They ruined a good time forever more in the U.S.

Of course, it could just be MORE backlash from the 60's...

jea...world is gettin dark again. Violence is cool, and love uncool. This sucks... so everybody! all together now! make love not war!
Kiss your girls or boys publicly and be sure you say you love them. Fuck those kids who envy your happiness...you all live only once...

jea...world is gettin dark again. Violence is cool, and love uncool. This sucks... so everybody! all together now! make love not war!
Kiss your girls or boys publicly and be sure you say you love them. Fuck those kids who envy your happiness...you all live only once...

I've already lived 3.5 times in this lifetime alone, and YOU, that's right, YOU CAN TOO! For the low, low price of 19.99. Or was that 1999.99? Whatever. That's right, kids, for 19.99, you can get our official, exclusive LIFETIME MULTIPLIER!!! I should stop talking about now, after making a complete ass of myself in front of the whole internet, but let's continue!! Yes, our Lifetime Multiplier will multiply YOUR lifetimes! Just spin the dial, hit the button, and oh, don't yell too loudly.

Hmm, the line between humor and spam becomes thin, and I may have just crossed it.
:p

What is it with people these days that makes it more socially acceptible to beat and bully than to kiss and hold hands? Honestly, I really would love to see how you all feel about this.

Personally, I love seeing people in love. It makes me feel happy inside and restores a little faith in the world's being a Good Place to Live.

I think a big part of the reason there's been this awful shift away from sex-and-love and toward violence is that many many people are just embaressed by (and a little frightened of) sex and sexuality.

Part of that is simply upbringing.

The parents who punish children for masturbating, rather than telling them that masturbation is a private thing and should not be done where other's can see tham (and even this message can be too strong. Many sexually active adults find it almost impossible to masturbate in from of their beloved partner) are part of this problem. From these parents we learn that sexual pleasure is dirty, or depraved, or in some other way unpleasant and shameful.

The parents who never kiss, or cuddle, or touch affectionately in any way in front of their children teach teach those children that physical affection has no place in a "normal marriage" - because, of course, to every child their family situation is the normal one.

And another part of it is fear.

We live in a more litigious world than ever before, with this comes the overriding terror of child abuse.

Believe me, I feel actual abuse of children is a hideous, heinous thing, but I think something which is also hideous is that fathers are afraid to sit their daughter's on their laps for a bedtime story. Mothers are afraid to teach their sons to retract their foreskins to wash their penises properley.

In the schoolyard, if a child falls over and grazes her knee, her teacher is forbidden from giving her a comforting hug. It's abuse to touch another person without permission. Children cannot give that permission. So a teacher who picks a child up from the basketball court and gives her a hug on the way to sickbay is in danger of being accused of abusing that child.

Our children are being taught, over and over, and then having those lessons re-enforced, that People Must Not Touch Each Other.

It's sad and frightening.

And when we come to adulthood, it doesn't get a lot better.

Although "sexual harrassment" is actually only called such when it happens in the workplace (http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/fs-sex.html), many, many adults live in fear that if they make any sexual aproach to any ther adult, that the aproached adult will not only reject them, but take legal action against them.

No wonder people don't like touching one another, or seeing other people touch one another.

I find it shocking and disgusting that people should be more offended and uncomfortable with displays of affection than they are with displays of violence and intimidation. But as disturbed as I am by this current social shift in attitudes, I find myself wondering how it came to be and WHY anyone would find such a paradigm shift to be acceptible. Obviously I am in a minority, or this kind of thing would not be so widespread and commonly accepted that I'd witness it so often.

Violence seems much less problematic to many people than does any physical display of affection. For some reason, many people find it acceptable to say "It's only a movie" or "It's just make believe" to their child about violence-as-entertainment when they would not say the same thing about sexuality-as-entertainment.

I must admit that I cannot understand why it is that people see violence as acceptable entertainment, particularly for children.

I suppose it could be as simple as our needing to fill the gap left by our being forbidden to rejoice in love and sexuality.

Sarah_C

It is not simply the acceptance of violence that is the issue-it's the pariahship (probebly not a word, but hey, why not) of sex.

People have gotten so paranoid about it that it seems they want the world to be a cold sterile place.

I remember going to Universal here in California, and somehow ended up running into the same couple 3 or 4 times. They were snuggling up at the shows and whatnot...I personally thought it was the cutest thing ever. But, one jackass ended up giving them the stink eye, and the guy just kinda sighed and shook his head when he saw said stinkeye.

And then I tripped and accidently threw-SPILLED my soda all over the asshole. Oops. So very clumsy, two left feet, and whatnot.

You, GT, are my hero for the day.

You, GT, are my hero for the day.

I try ;)

Really though, some people just piss me off. And it's not like I HURT them...well, pride doesn't count :p

I try ;)

Really though, some people just piss me off. And it's not like I HURT them...well, pride doesn't count :p

Go Goed. I've never been able to bring myself to do something that physical about someone who tried to make affectionate people feel shamed or uncomfortable with their casual affection. Though I have been from time to time irritated to the point where I was inspired to verbally shame the anti-affection griefer.

I just can't imagine being so bitter or emotionally unhealthy that I'd be compelled to publicly condemn people for displaying their affection towards another human being. The very attempt to place myself in such uncomfortable shoes makes my mind shrink away so that I can't empathize or understand. Anger and rage I understand very well. But the internal illness that makes so many people break out the happy couple beating stick... this is something I just can't reach.