NationStates Jolt Archive

That's right. About ten years ago God decided to visit me in my home. He had decided to come back and lead his chosen to glory. So, I, having decided I like it here, hit him with a tranquilizer, stabbed him six times in the chest, and buried him in my backyard. You can come to my house and see his grave sometime. Oh, since God is dead and a mortal killed him, that also means the Bible is wrong.

Well, now that God is dead, what are we going to do? He obviously won't be comming back a third time. So, since he failed and I stopped the entirety of Revelations, I say we party hardy for the next 3000 years. Anyone with me?

Okay, I'm banking on the idea most people won't read down this far. This is to make fun of the thread about God existing and Catholicism being right. I'm betting most people won't read down this far before responding with outrage.

So, now that God is dead, what are your plans for Eternity? I've already claimed large portions of Heaven. I'm currently trying to cut a deal with the other side to have the war between Good and Evil decided by a kegfest.

Does being one of the few who read it get me a good seat in the new world order for eternity?

sounds beer-a-licious

Finaly... there can be reason.
btw i'd like some property in purgagtory and a condo in heaven...
and i can't wait for the party, finaly nothing to wory about

That calls for more acid.

:walks in, shakes head, walks out:

hey, there is one good reason to kill god: BEER!.

Ah... I agree. It's so wonderful to see people read everything, isn't it? ;)

Booooring.

You need help....LOOOOOTS of help!

That's right. About ten years ago God decided to visit me in my home. He had decided to come back and lead his chosen to glory. So, I, having decided I like it here, hit him with a tranquilizer, stabbed him six times in the chest, and buried him in my backyard. You can come to my house and see his grave sometime. Oh, since God is dead and a mortal killed him, that also means the Bible is wrong.

Well, now that God is dead, what are we going to do? He obviously won't be comming back a third time. So, since he failed and I stopped the entirety of Revelations, I say we party hardy for the next 3000 years. Anyone with me?

Okay, I'm banking on the idea most people won't read down this far. This is to make fun of the thread about God existing and Catholicism being right. I'm betting most people won't read down this far before responding with outrage.

So, now that God is dead, what are your plans for Eternity? I've already claimed large portions of Heaven. I'm currently trying to cut a deal with the other side to have the war between Good and Evil decided by a kegfest. .

your sad and pathetic :rolleyes:

your sad and pathetic :rolleyes:
Dude, it's DemonLordEnigma; he's been here since practically the dawn of NationStates.

...I'm currently trying to cut a deal with the other side to have the war between Good and Evil decided by a kegfest.I'm agnostic, but I think that you're on dangerous ground here. After all:

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Ohhhhh, thats a good business oppurtunity. You should sell tickets on Ebay to see God's grave :)

20 bucks per person sounds about right.

:mp5: I am totally and completely OFFENDED by this thread. A KEG to decide the future of Good and Evil????? Why not a good old fashioned tequila shot contest?

I don't like beer. Will there be vodka, whiskey, cognac or any other delicious liquor there?

get me an air conditioned appartment in hell!!

and a cold keg... a laser guided keg... a self-chilling-laser-guided-rocket-propelled keg... that'd be badass...


yeah, get me a dozen of those and a laser spotter... oh yeah



that would be the shit!

yeah... get some

OOOH! LASER GUIDED STRIPPERS... that'd be a great morale booster for the Army...

and I'll take ten of all of the above ; )

Damn this is great shit....hey you think i could get a countryside house...or maybe a penthouse in the city....prefferably pandemoneom...for anyone who has read paridise lost....u will understand....anyone who has not....does not deserve to understand......so yeah pandemoneom would be great... :p .....and hopefully there will be no need for condoms in hell....and crystal wont be bad for you....cuz i love(d) that shit

The answer of proof god exist is all around us... look around you. What do you see? Look out of the window, what do you see?

The answer is even right infront of you.

God gave us brains n we use it to invent the computer. God gave us green scenary to relax our eyes. God made the sky to look at for inspiration. God made life to men and women for company.

And now you ask us to proof that god exixt. If you killed god. The god is not a god at all. Why do you call god a god when he can be killed. No my friend god can't be killed.
< I know u were joking about the killing the god part>
<Just giving proof that god exist>

Predatorians.....that's not proof that God exists.

The answer of proof god exist is all around us... look around you. What do you see? Look out of the window, what do you see?



Well I don't see God, that's for su... oh, wait, there he is. My bad. Sorry.



God's still a little old Chinese man with a donkey cart, right?

Long Live Catholicsm

God's still a little old Chinese man with a donkey cart, right?

Naw, he's a little old Jersey man who loves to play skeeball and gets conked on the head and becomes comatose so Ben Affleck and Matt Damon can end existence.

Naw, he's a little old Jersey man who loves to play skeeball and gets conked on the head and becomes comatose so Ben Affleck and Matt Damon can end existence.
Cheers to that.
*raises mug*
Now let's party.

this thread is stupid.

Naw, he's a little old Jersey man who loves to play skeeball and gets conked on the head and becomes comatose so Ben Affleck and Matt Damon can end existence.

I'm pretty sure God was the bum in Bruce Almight that got beaten up by a bunch of Mexicans...

Anyways a kegger sounds great, though I wonder if God had his own supply of beer... hm... Anyone wanna head up to heaven with me to go beer hunting?

Meh ... "God" is too generic ... there is still Allah. Allah didn't come as a man and die and be ressurected. Allah doesn't need such things.

So you may have killed the Paulist God, but mine is doin' just fine.

As for the party? Sure ... I'll bring the chips.

Long Live Catholicsm
Catholicism will be dead in 200 years, i only wish i could live that long to see it. Oh well, at least i'm seeing the gradual decay, like a corpse. its fun.

If the sky is not proof then what is... Who made the sky? You... if you are god then hell I'm a demon... Are you not afraid of what you type Stripe-Lovers... And I agree with Keruvalia.

Naw, he's a little old Jersey man who loves to play skeeball and gets conked on the head and becomes comatose so Ben Affleck and Matt Damon can end existence.

I thought she was a Canadian who looks just like Alanis Morisette.

The problem with you, Predatorians, is that you are unwilling to accept any scientific facts for why things are as they are. My dad is a firm Christian, but he's a very open and extremely knowledgable man. And he's one of the few Christians these days that are Democrats.

The proplem with me is I am unwilling to except anyone who mocks god. Who Are you to tell me my proplems.

The problem with you, Predatorians, is that you are unwilling to accept any scientific facts for why things are as they are. My dad is a firm Christian, but he's a very open and extremely knowledgable man. And he's one of the few Christians these days that are Democrats.

Science only furthers proves Allah. Take "the sky" example. The more we have studied it, the more we have been able to marvel at its complexity. The pursuit of knowledge is the pursuit of Allah.

The Prophet(pbuh) said, "Verily the men of knowledge are the inheritors of the prophets". The Muslim mind has always been attracted to the mathematical sciences in accordance with the "abstract" character of the doctrine of Oneness which lies at the heart of Islam. The mathematical sciences have traditionally included astronomy, mathematics itself and much of what is called physics today. In astronomy the Muslims integrated the astronomical traditions of the Indians, Persians, the ancient Near East and especially the Greeks into a synthesis which began to chart a new chapter in the history of astronomy from the 8th century onward. The Almagest of Ptolemy, whose very name in English reveals the Arabic origin of its Latin translation, was thoroughly studied and its planetary theory criticized by several astronomers of both the eastern and western lands of Islam leading to the major critique of the theory by Nasir al-Din al-Tusi and his students, especially Qutb al Din al-Shirazi, in the 13th century.

Muslim Achievements in Science:
Muslim mathematicians devised and developed algebra
Al-Khawarazmi used Arabic numerals which came to the west through his work-9th century.
Al-Razi described amd treated smallbox-10th century
Ibn Sina diagnosed and treated meningities-11th century
Ibn al-Haytham discovered the camera obscura- 11th century
Al-Birini described the Ganges Valley as a sedimentary basin-11th century
Muslims built the first observartory as a scientific institution-13th century
Qutb al-Din al-Shirazi explained the cause of the rainbow- 13th century
Ibn al-Nafis described the minor ciculation of the blood- 14th century.
Al-Kashani invented a computer machine- 15th century

And so on and so on and so on ....

Being deeply religious does not always preclude the possibility of scientific discovery. Muslims never would have threatened heresy crimes against Galileo.

The proplem with me is I am unwilling to except anyone who mocks god. Who Are you to tell me my proplems.
I don't mock God; I'm a man of science. I need proof before I can believe in anything, including god. Blind faith in anything to me is ridiculous. No offense, of course. I'm just saying that you're persisting in beliefs that are more suited to the Medieval Ages.

I don't mock God; I'm a man of science. I need proof before I can believe in anything, including god. Blind faith in anything to me is ridiculous. No offense, of course. I'm just saying that you're persisting in beliefs that are more suited to the Medieval Ages.

I didn't mean you I mean the stripe-lover. And besides it is Medievil not Medieval.

I didn't mean you I mean the stripe-lover. And besides it is Medievil not Medieval.
No, I had the correct spelling; I just ran the word through about half a dozen spell checkers, plus your alternate spelling. I'm right, you're wrong.

I didn't mean you I mean the stripe-lover. And besides it is Medievil not Medieval.
unless you're trying hard to be funny and failing miserably, its medieval
The proplem with me is I am unwilling to except anyone who mocks god. Who Are you to tell me my proplems.
it's "accept" and "problems"

Are you not afraid of what you type Stripe-Lovers...

I don't think so, let's check:

lampshade... nope

flange... nope

nosemonkey... nope

Jesse Helms

OK, maybe some things.

unless you're trying hard to be funny and failing miserably, its medieval

it's "accept" and "problems"

ok I get it I am bad at spelling. But must You check every spelling I wrote...

ok I get it I am bad at spelling. But must You check every spelling I wrote...
You got after us about it...with an incorrect fix, I might add.(Words are not coming to me properly; I need some sleep.)

No, I had the correct spelling; I just ran the word through about half a dozen spell checkers, plus your alternate spelling. I'm right, you're wrong.
At least there is someone on NationStates that cares about spelling

You got after us about it...with an incorrect fix, I might add.(Words are not coming to me properly; I need some sleep.)

Actually I thought medieval was spelled with an i not an a.

Muslims never would have threatened heresy crimes against Galileo.

Would muslims ban weather forecasting?
(sorry, couldn't resist. Is that a can of worms I see before me?)

That's right. About ten years ago God decided to visit me in my home. He had decided to come back and lead his chosen to glory. So, I, having decided I like it here, hit him with a tranquilizer, stabbed him six times in the chest, and buried him in my backyard. You can come to my house and see his grave sometime. Oh, since God is dead and a mortal killed him, that also means the Bible is wrong.

Well, now that God is dead, what are we going to do? He obviously won't be comming back a third time. So, since he failed and I stopped the entirety of Revelations, I say we party hardy for the next 3000 years. Anyone with me?

Okay, I'm banking on the idea most people won't read down this far. This is to make fun of the thread about God existing and Catholicism being right. I'm betting most people won't read down this far before responding with outrage.

So, now that God is dead, what are your plans for Eternity? I've already claimed large portions of Heaven. I'm currently trying to cut a deal with the other side to have the war between Good and Evil decided by a kegfest.

Waitwaitwait. So, if YOU killed God, then who was it that overdosed on morhpine in my bathtub on New Years day 2000? I totally thought that guy was God. That's why I buried him in my back yard. I thought if I took him to the morgue, there was too high a chance that the moritician would be religious and get all pissy at me for giving him all those pills. Oh well, at least my flowers have grown well since then.

Would muslims ban weather forecasting?
(sorry, couldn't resist. Is that a can of worms I see before me?)

Why would they do that in the first place?

Looks like it's time to bust out some Afterlife. :)

Looks like it's time to bust out some Afterlife. :)

Afterlife I think I am going to take a vacation...what are you going to do?

i dont understand what possesed you to write such a ridiculoud thread... what was the point? to piss off religious people and then call them ignorant for not agreeing with you? to piss them off and then say that they have bad tempors for flipping out at you? bah... im a christian, and proud of it, but i dont mind athiests or agnostics. i just hate the ones who a) get offended extremely easilly, or b) say stupid crap like what you just said. i dont see the humor in it, and i think you should watch what you say, cause someday, you will say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and lights out for you. then when youre getting judged after you die, you are totally and completely screwed. have fun.

Loosen up. He's just having a bit of fun. :rolleyes:

LOL HOW MANY CRAZY MOFO's! Parties on man! thought you didnt need to kill "god" to tell us dat, i mean he was my poker partner... now i have to play with krishna and she ain't aomniscient :mad:... wtg man! You killed my dealer/poker partner

Oh dear, what WILL Torching Witches say? :p

Wow. A lot of requests.

Okay, I'm working on it. So far I have every type of alcohol in existance and have even created six new types for the party, have managed to rent Purgatory and Heaven as permanent party locations, and negotiated the Devil into ceding the top three layers of Hell for use as condos.

Oh, and I have also so far managed all of the other requests. You guys will definitely get what you asked for as soon as you die. Why? Because I can.

To those challenging me on why I did this and the possibility of making others mad: Actually, that is why I made this. The results I like better than the original purpose. I happen to be Roman Catholic, happen to believe very much in the Bible, and also happen to think that if you can't laugh at your own beliefs once in awhile you're taking life too seriously.

Did you bring baijiu? Because it wouldn't be a party without baijiu. And poteen, make sure to bring some poteen.

That's right. About ten years ago God decided to visit me in my home. He had decided to come back and lead his chosen to glory. So, I, having decided I like it here, hit him with a tranquilizer, stabbed him six times in the chest, and buried him in my backyard. You can come to my house and see his grave sometime. Oh, since God is dead and a mortal killed him, that also means the Bible is wrong.

Well, now that God is dead, what are we going to do? He obviously won't be comming back a third time. So, since he failed and I stopped the entirety of Revelations, I say we party hardy for the next 3000 years. Anyone with me?

Okay, I'm banking on the idea most people won't read down this far. This is to make fun of the thread about God existing and Catholicism being right. I'm betting most people won't read down this far before responding with outrage.

So, now that God is dead, what are your plans for Eternity? I've already claimed large portions of Heaven. I'm currently trying to cut a deal with the other side to have the war between Good and Evil decided by a kegfest.

Its ok, I can clear this whole thing up, that wasn't God, it was Osama....THATS WHY HE IS STILL MISSING !

Dude, it's DemonLordEnigma; he's been here since practically the dawn of NationStates.

He's still sad and pathetic

if you can't laugh at your own beliefs once in awhile you're taking life too seriously.


Amen to that

Also to the person who said God was Alanis Morrissette, she's that too :)
God, I love Kevin Smith
Maybe God IS Kevin Smith...

i dont understand what possesed you to write such a ridiculoud thread... what was the point? to piss off religious people and then call them ignorant for not agreeing with you? to piss them off and then say that they have bad tempors for flipping out at you? bah... im a christian, and proud of it, but i dont mind athiests or agnostics. i just hate the ones who a) get offended extremely easilly, or b) say stupid crap like what you just said. i dont see the humor in it, and i think you should watch what you say, cause someday, you will say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and lights out for you. then when youre getting judged after you die, you are totally and completely screwed. have fun.


From what I'm seeing, posts like this are the reason behind this thread. You can't take life and religion so seriously. I don't think God takes himself or herself so seriously. I think God has a great sense of humor. After all, He DID create man. ;)

Would muslims ban weather forecasting?
(sorry, couldn't resist. Is that a can of worms I see before me?)

lol ... no. Meteorology is an actual science, not divination. :)

I don't like beer. Will there be vodka, whiskey, cognac or any other delicious liquor there?
I concur

How do you know he is dead maybe he is just stuck down in the ground too deep to dig himself out? We think it is very cruel the things you humans do to gods.

lol ... no. Meteorology is an actual science, not divination. :)

Yeah, you know that, I know that, certain people currently lurking in caves in north Pakistan were a tad confused, though. Whilst I'd agree that Islam has generally been a progressive religion, in terms of science, there are certain more recent sects (Whabism for one) that are more regressive.

EDIT: forgot this was meant to be a joke thread. Erm, boobies.

this thread is stupid.
Yes it is. And it's about time we had one too. I needed something light hearted.

All I have to say is this, there is no proof that god exists, ever existed, or will ever exist, and there is no proof that he doesn't. I haven't seen god, if he is so powerful, all knowing, and all mighty, then why hasn't he killed every nonbeleiver, hmmm? he did that in the bible's "history" lessons, so where is god, shouldn't he have killed George Bush by now? if there was truly a god with a good heart, he would kill George Bush

Keep the party requests comming. I can even ressurect movie stars if the need be.

All I have to say is this, there is no proof that god exists, ever existed, or will ever exist, and there is no proof that he doesn't. I haven't seen god, if he is so powerful, all knowing, and all mighty, then why hasn't he killed every nonbeleiver, hmmm? he did that in the bible's "history" lessons, so where is god, shouldn't he have killed George Bush by now? if there was truly a god with a good heart, he would kill George Bush

Well, he kinda can't kill a president of a country when he was stabbed to death before said president was elected.

If you want the proof, I'll show you the grave in my backyard and let you dig him up.

Hey, can you get Marilyn Monroe... like in her mid 20's ; ) ... like... 4 of her or something... yeah, that would be cool.








Hooah for laughing at yourself, good for the body, good for your life, and it takes the focus off government jokes for once

All I have to say is this, there is no proof that god exists, ever existed, or will ever exist, and there is no proof that he doesn't. I haven't seen god, if he is so powerful, all knowing, and all mighty, then why hasn't he killed every nonbeleiver, hmmm? he did that in the bible's "history" lessons, so where is god, shouldn't he have killed George Bush by now? if there was truly a god with a good heart, he would kill George Bush

You know I get the feeling if God did step in and make everything just wonderful and peachy keen some of you would complain about that.

Is it possible that there is no real value to this world that it is the next world that is important and this world is merely preparation for the next world. The Eternal world.

If God did exist he'd be extremley evil. What kind of sick ass 'father' tortures his children for all eternity because they made a mistake? I know parental discipline is getting too rare these days but come on!

If God did exist he'd be extremley evil. What kind of sick ass 'father' tortures his children for all eternity because they made a mistake? I know parental discipline is getting too rare these days but come on!

Just because some people say that God would torture his children for all eternity does not make it true. I don't believe the above statement to be true. I don't believe in a physical hell. I believe that God has a plan for all people to live together as one family. But we must accomplish this plan. God will not just drop it in our laps and say here it is.

Just because some people say that God would torture his children for all eternity does not make it true. I don't believe the above statement to be true. I don't believe in a physical hell. I believe that God has a plan for all people to live together as one family. But we must accomplish this plan. God will not just drop it in our laps and say here it is.

I think what Sineal was trying to say is that He DID, to an extent, torture his children for eternity for one mistake. That mistake was eating from the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden. Once Adam and Eve ate from that tree, they were cast out of Paradise for all eternity. And since He hasn't filled us in on the plan, it has basically been dropped in our laps.

That's right. About ten years ago God decided to visit me in my home. He had decided to come back and lead his chosen to glory. So, I, having decided I like it here, hit him with a tranquilizer, stabbed him six times in the chest, and buried him in my backyard. You can come to my house and see his grave sometime. Oh, since God is dead and a mortal killed him, that also means the Bible is wrong.

Well, now that God is dead, what are we going to do? He obviously won't be comming back a third time. So, since he failed and I stopped the entirety of Revelations, I say we party hardy for the next 3000 years. Anyone with me?

Okay, I'm banking on the idea most people won't read down this far. This is to make fun of the thread about God existing and Catholicism being right. I'm betting most people won't read down this far before responding with outrage.

So, now that God is dead, what are your plans for Eternity? I've already claimed large portions of Heaven. I'm currently trying to cut a deal with the other side to have the war between Good and Evil decided by a kegfest. .

your sad and pathetic :rolleyes:

but able to punctuate. you're sad and pathetic and handicapped

Science only furthers proves Allah. Take "the sky" example. The more we have studied it, the more we have been able to marvel at its complexity. The pursuit of knowledge is the pursuit of Allah.

The Prophet(pbuh) said, "Verily the men of knowledge are the inheritors of the prophets". The Muslim mind has always been attracted to the mathematical sciences in accordance with the "abstract" character of the doctrine of Oneness which lies at the heart of Islam. The mathematical sciences have traditionally included astronomy, mathematics itself and much of what is called physics today. In astronomy the Muslims integrated the astronomical traditions of the Indians, Persians, the ancient Near East and especially the Greeks into a synthesis which began to chart a new chapter in the history of astronomy from the 8th century onward. The Almagest of Ptolemy, whose very name in English reveals the Arabic origin of its Latin translation, was thoroughly studied and its planetary theory criticized by several astronomers of both the eastern and western lands of Islam leading to the major critique of the theory by Nasir al-Din al-Tusi and his students, especially Qutb al Din al-Shirazi, in the 13th century.

Muslim Achievements in Science:
Muslim mathematicians devised and developed algebra
Al-Khawarazmi used Arabic numerals which came to the west through his work-9th century.
Al-Razi described amd treated smallbox-10th century
Ibn Sina diagnosed and treated meningities-11th century
Ibn al-Haytham discovered the camera obscura- 11th century
Al-Birini described the Ganges Valley as a sedimentary basin-11th century
Muslims built the first observartory as a scientific institution-13th century
Qutb al-Din al-Shirazi explained the cause of the rainbow- 13th century
Ibn al-Nafis described the minor ciculation of the blood- 14th century.
Al-Kashani invented a computer machine- 15th century

And so on and so on and so on ....

Being deeply religious does not always preclude the possibility of scientific discovery. Muslims never would have threatened heresy crimes against Galileo.


Allah is great and Mohammed is his prophet!

Allah is great and Mohammed is his prophet!
Maybe

Allah is great and Mohammed is his prophet!

Yes, but Mohammed Ali was THE GREATEST. Did Mohammed the prophet float like a butterfly and sting like a bee?

Yes, but Mohammed Ali was THE GREATEST. Did Mohammed the prophet float like a butterfly and sting like a bee?
No but he might have floated like a butterfly and stinged like when I pee (simpsons)

God is dead.
-Nietzsche

Nietzsche is dead.
-God

allah ul akhbar. mohammed ali al akhbar akhbar.

Can I have a chocolate-strawberry milkshake and a River Phoenix?

Can I have a chocolate-strawberry milkshake and a River Phoenix?
Add caramel to mine and change my River Phoenix to a John Travolta. For today.

Add caramel to mine and change my River Phoenix to a John Travolta. For today.
oh he is dreamy!

God can't be dead. I saw him yesterday, when I prayed for a parking space.

Then suddenly this old man all white, dressed in white, with white hair, white beard got into his old Datsun and gave me his parkng space.

It was a perfect space, right in front of the restaurant I was going to go to eat.