NationStates Jolt Archive

Here's mine.
<@Terror> "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."
<@cky> opposite over hypotenuse
<@cky> dipshit

Nice.

Here's an overdone one:

There are 10 types of people in the world:Those that understand binary and those that don't.


(for those who don't get it, 10 is binary for "2")

lets do stupid people on irc, yay

<Ingo> I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of "Uninstall Shield"

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius loop?

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius loop?

To get to the antipode.

*quickly runs away from this thread*

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius loop?
To get to the same side, of course.


Peechland! Come back!!

lets do stupid people on irc, yay

<Ingo> I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of "Uninstall Shield"

Heh, now that's a good one.

To get to the same side, of course.


Peechland! Come back!!

these are too far over my head!

these are too far over my head!
:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

ok time for me to get geeky


% rm dole-ethics
rm: dole-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Dole's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Boesak stole, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create


and mine

$ make love
make: don't know how to make love. Stop

these are too far over my head!
Well, we've got to have some mitigating factor to keep our inherent geekiness from overpowering the thread entirely.

Christ.. for a moment there i was about to post the C:\dos C:\dos\run joke from the Simpsons...

...finally, a chance for me to flex my nerd joke muscles:

An ion walks into a bar, orders a whisky, and slumps into a seat. Another ion turns to him.
'Why are you looking so depressed?'
'*Sigh* I've lost an electron.'
'Oh no! Are you sure?'
'Yeah. I'm positive.'

A proton and a neutron walk into a bar. They both order a beer. The proton hands over its money to the barman, but as the neutron does the same, the barman shakes his head. 'Oh no, sir. For you, there's no charge.'

(Here, ^2 means squared. But you knew that already, being nerds.)
f(x) = x^2 + 3x - 4 walks into a bar and says to the barman, 'Can I have a cheese sandwich?'
'No, I'm afriad not.'
'What? Why?'
'We don't serve functions.'

Why do maths nerds get Hallowe'en and Christmas mixed up?
Because Oct 31 is Dec 25!!
(No-one gets this. In OCTal, you use a base 8 counting system: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,20,21... as binary is base two: 1,10,11,100,101,110,111,1000...
So OCTall 31 is, in DECimal, 8 * 3 + 1 = 25.
And Oct and Dec also stand for October and December.)

(A very old one, which I'll try to make as brief as possible...)

Two mathematicians were discussing the stupidity of the general population. "Most can't even do basic integration!" said Bill. "Oh, I think you underestimate them," replied Bob.

Bill went off to the bathroom and Bob called the waitress over. "I want to arrange a little bet with my friend. When he returns from the bathroom I'm going to call you over and ask you a question. Reply with "two x cubed" and I'll give you ten bucks".

The waitress duly repeated the phrase a few times, then carried on serving the other tables. Shortly afterwards, Bill returned and Bob proposed a wager.

"Let's test your theory that the unwashed masses can't do integration. I'm going to call over that waitress and ask her to integrate six x squared. If she gets it right, you owe me a hundred bucks. Deal?"

Bill readily agreed and they called the waitress over. "Can you tell us the integral of six x squared, my dear?" asked Bob. The waitress screwed up her face and hesitantly said "Uh...two...x...cubed?"

Bill's mouth opened wide with amazement as Bob chuckled to himself. The waitress gathered their plates and began to move away.

Then she paused for a moment and looked back over her shoulder. "Plus a constant," she added.

*has a nerdattack*

Oh, and here's another one:

/* Source Code Windows XP */

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#include "backdoor.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big(16000000);
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();

if (first_time_installation)
{
make_100_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of-OS2();
make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();
disable_Netscape();
disable_RealPlayer();
disable_Lotus_Products();
hang_system();
} //if
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_31();
do_nothing_loop();
} // if
} //while

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed,very_slow);
set_mouse(action,jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction,sometimes);
} //if

printf("Welcome to Windows XP");

if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp",O_CREATE);

while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
} // while
create_general_protection_fault();

} // main

^^ Why Windows lags.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a duck?

ElephantDucksin(theta)

Two functions meet. One says: Go away or I derive you!
The other grins: Go ahead! I am e^x

:confused: Argh, confusing maths-related jokes.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

ok time for me to get geeky


% rm dole-ethics
rm: dole-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Dole's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Boesak stole, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create


and mine

$ make love
make: don't know how to make love. Stop

show off.... ;)

I saw a REALLY funny one on a t shirt today!

"Resistance is futile
if < 1 ohm "

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

You know you're a nerd when at track meets, your coach mentions your 'seed time' and you automatically think of a certain Gundam series known as SEED.

I will from now one damn you O.o :D

These are all math geek and computer geek jokes. Where are the video game and Dungeons and Dragons geek jokes?

D & D
Jesus saves...and the rest of you take full damage
(on a t-shirt)
I'm not a geek, i'm a level 12 paladin.
will work for bandwidth
Fps, Frag the weak, hurdle the dead.
obey gravity, its the law

D & D
Jesus saves...and the rest of you take full damage
(on a t-shirt)
I'm not a geek, i'm a level 12 paladin.
will work for bandwidth
Fps, Frag the weak, hurdle the dead.
obey gravity, its the law

I approve.

What happens when you turn a bag of holding inside out?

Why do maths nerds get Hallowe'en and Christmas mixed up?
Because Oct 31 is Dec 25!!
(No-one gets this. In OCTimal, you use a base 8 counting system: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,20,21... as binary is base two: 1,10,11,100,101,110,111,1000...
So OCTimal 31 is, in DECimal, 8 * 3 = 25.
And Oct and Dec also stand for October and December.)
In point of fact, base 8 is known as "Octal."

What happens when you turn a bag of holding inside out?
You've just created what Stephen Hawking's been seeking for the past 3 decades: a black hole.

Anyone read Prey by Michael Crichton? There's a guy in it wearing a T-shirt that says something like "I AM ROOT."

these are complied from
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=16558

Mostly bad pickup lines
-------------------------------------


" baby,I wish I were your derivative, cuz then I'd be tangent to all your curves."

I wish I were your derivative, cuz then I'd be tangent to all your curves.

I'd like to instantiate your objects, and access their member variables.

My function doesn't have an absolute minimum, it's all maximum.

My hard drive doesn't have an off switch.

You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?

Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you.

up for some int[10,13](2x)dx? :p

Fg = Gm1m2/r^2....hey baby, according to this equation, if we get twice as close the attraction between us is 4 times greater.

you and i add up better than a riemann sum.

How do you know if a function is female?
It's periodic!

How do you calculate the pattern used to alter clothing?
Use the Tailor Series

What does a mathematician say when he/she is surprised?
OH MY COSH!

What did the student say when he/she derived cosh(x)?
What a SINH!

and a physics one I liked:

What did the teacher say when the student couldn't see the direction of induction?
You might wanna contact lenz!

This is one I'll never forget: An engineer sees his engineer friend ride up to him on a brand new bicycle. "Where'd you get that," he asks. The other engineer replies, "A beautiful woman approached me in the park on this bike, got off and undressed. She said 'You can have whatever you want.'" "Good choice," says the first engineer, "her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

oh i have a couple more: hey baby want to find out the coefficient of kinetic friction between us?

Lame pick-up lines for IT Professionals:

"Do you have any extra RAM? Because I'd love to terabyte out of your [insert a random body part as you see fit].

"I am the client to your server."

"Would you like to enter my domain?"

"You have a very lovely packet; may I ask what protocol is required to strip away the header?"