NationStates Jolt Archive

After seeing all these threads talking about people's relationships (mostly whether homosexual relationships are right or not but I ain't getting into that stuff again) but while it isn't 100% unique is it a question I ponder on...

Are long-distance relationships as valid, in your opinions, as those that start/are exclusively in close quarters to one another or "normal" as seen by most?

I have been involved in one relationship that has been solely long distance but soon me and my dear girlfriend will be together soon. The distance is not by choice as I would have been there much sooner if not for an uncontrollable factor I'm not getting into, suffice it to say that we do wish to be in close quarters.

Our relationship started as long distance and to this date has lasted approximately 3 years, 7 months and 11 days (Yea, neither me or her know why we know it that accurately either). Mind you, my age when it started as well as now may affect whether people believe me and her even have the possibility to consciously have a romantic, lasting relationship. I'm 17 years old (in 5 days I will be 18) but I will have to badger you if you believe age is the end all factor in whether a relationship can occur...

So what do you people think?

PS: Even I said "some things just don't work" because from experience, me and her will have to adjust quite a bit when me and her are in close quarters and there are some things that can't quite occur with the distance.

How did you meet her?

What's the phrase? "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"? I don't see why distance necessarily prevents a relationship. I've had relationships where a partner moved away, or relationships that began when I was off visiting a place, and while they were very difficult, suddenly being apart from someone didn't make the relationship suddenly invalid. I think true love conquers all, including 8000 miles distance.

I'll start off by saying happy early birthday, 18 is a good number. All people differ greatly in relationships. A good deciding factor is age, but it is more likely determined by maturity. I tried to have a LDR, but I am not able to do that for the fact its tough as hell. What you decide and what you feel in your heart only decides on how a relationship lasts or what it becomes.

After seeing all these threads talking about people's relationships (mostly whether homosexual relationships are right or not but I ain't getting into that stuff again) but while it isn't 100% unique is it a question I ponder on...

Are long-distance relationships as valid, in your opinions, as those that start/are exclusively in close quarters to one another or "normal" as seen by most?

I have been involved in one relationship that has been solely long distance but soon me and my dear girlfriend will be together soon. The distance is not by choice as I would have been there much sooner if not for an uncontrollable factor I'm not getting into, suffice it to say that we do wish to be in close quarters.

Our relationship started as long distance and to this date has lasted approximately 3 years, 7 months and 11 days (Yea, neither me or her know why we know it that accurately either). Mind you, my age when it started as well as now may affect whether people believe me and her even have the possibility to consciously have a romantic, lasting relationship. I'm 17 years old (in 5 days I will be 18) but I will have to badger you if you believe age is the end all factor in whether a relationship can occur...

So what do you people think?

If you are 17 you should not be in a serious relationship, this is the only time you have to be young , why would you want to waste it tied down to one person? I believe you should enjoy has many people has you can while the time is good and the air is free, and when you are half way into the grave like at the age of 30, then commit yourself to soul death that is monogamy...until then I say enjoy yourself has much as you can

Okay this is quite possibly the strangest meeting of all time, as we also never expected to actually be in a relationship and were not actively searching for one....

Me and her met in a crappy online game we both used to play, and met her through her cousin that I knew also from the game.

Oh, I should probably add that yes...we do know for certain each other's identity (yes I know there is always a factor but meh) due to the frequency of phone calls, talking on webcam and talking to most of her family in one way or another.

Good question though

If you are 17 you should not be in a serious relationship, this is the only time you have to be young , why would you want to waste it tied down to one person? I believe you should enjoy has many people has you can while the time is good and the air is free, and when you are half way into the grave like at the age of 30, then commit yourself to soul death that is monogamy...until then I say enjoy yourself has much as you can

Ha, I suppose so but alas, me and her are together and while it has been a trial I wouldn't change the fact it happened at all. :) We do have plans for this being a permanent relationship as any one else would.

Well you can still have fun with other people...just don't let her know about it, what she doesn't know won't hurt her

Remember...Never let the right hand know what the left hand is doing

I can quite guarantee you I would never do that, as I know she wouldn't. Yea, I know I can't "know" she wouldn't do it but I do have faith in her just like anyone else would have faith their spouse/significant other isn't cheating.

It'll work, but it won't be easy. If it's true love, then it will be worth all the work.

3 years? Whooooooooa.

I get that alot :P

If you are 17 you should not be in a serious relationship, this is the only time you have to be young , why would you want to waste it tied down to one person? I believe you should enjoy has many people has you can while the time is good and the air is free, and when you are half way into the grave like at the age of 30, then commit yourself to soul death that is monogamy...until then I say enjoy yourself has much as you can


I was in a serious relationship at that age. Hell, I was engaged a few months before my 18th birthday. We're kind of in a long-distance relationship right now. I'm in college, so I only get to see him once or twice a month, for about 2 days at a time. It's working though, and neither of us have had second thoughts.

I'd like to be. . .but I can't seem to get a guy.

After seeing all these threads talking about people's relationships (mostly whether homosexual relationships are right or not but I ain't getting into that stuff again) but while it isn't 100% unique is it a question I ponder on...

Are long-distance relationships as valid, in your opinions, as those that start/are exclusively in close quarters to one another or "normal" as seen by most?

I have been involved in one relationship that has been solely long distance but soon me and my dear girlfriend will be together soon. The distance is not by choice as I would have been there much sooner if not for an uncontrollable factor I'm not getting into, suffice it to say that we do wish to be in close quarters.

Our relationship started as long distance and to this date has lasted approximately 3 years, 7 months and 11 days (Yea, neither me or her know why we know it that accurately either). Mind you, my age when it started as well as now may affect whether people believe me and her even have the possibility to consciously have a romantic, lasting relationship. I'm 17 years old (in 5 days I will be 18) but I will have to badger you if you believe age is the end all factor in whether a relationship can occur...

So what do you people think?

PS: Even I said "some things just don't work" because from experience, me and her will have to adjust quite a bit when me and her are in close quarters and there are some things that can't quite occur with the distance.


To me long distance relationships are DEFINITELY just as valid as ones that begin closer together.

I myself am also in a long distance relationship and have been for the past 5 years. My fiancé and I are very very much in love and after I'd proposed to her on the Mersey ferry at sunset last summer, she accepted. We're now due to be married at the start of 2006.

One thing I think long distance relationships encourage much more than "normal" relationships is communication. You talk to the person, I know my fiancé and I have spoken for at LEAST 2 hours a day for the entirety of the time we've been together, quite often speaking for no less than 5 hours.

We met on the internet, as I say, 5 years ago through a friend and have been an item ever since. We've spent time going between north america and great britain, I've met both of her parents who I get along very well with and she has met mine.

Stabbatha, I know how hard being apart from the person you love can be for extended periods of time, but I am very happy for you. Distance and time definitely make the heart grow fonder.

All the best to you.

I'd like to be. . .but I can't seem to get a guy.

Aww.

:fluffle:

Well, my Fiance and I met in a chatroom, and dated for 2 years online. I only physicly met her a little over a year into the relationship when I worked my butt off to buy a plane ticket to fly down to see her for the first time ever. I did this all alone, and it was my first time flying.
Many people have praised me for that, for some reason.

Anyway, they work well.. if you handle them well.
Of course, it's alot harder for me (But I'm a lazy bugger who's way too lazy to go get another girlfreind closer.. besides I'm a looser and no one wants me... and I don't want anyone else either now that I think of it.)
Anyway, it's harder for me because I get really jealous really easily...

*Gave up trying to count the number of times he's (Seriously) threatened to kill his Fiance's male freinds*

Ahh good ol' jealousy. Yea, that can happen sometimes in stuff like this. I'm not really all that jealous but my girlfriend has a hard time not being jealous due to the fact all but 1 or 2 of my friends are in fact female.

So far it seems to be predominantly pro-valid... I won't get offended if people post an anti-one though as long as it's civil as we have all been so far :)

I have yet to be able to be physically with her simply due to things neither of us can control, but soon that won't be a problem. :D Thanks all so far for the comments and/or support.

Well i think it depends on who with and why. I am in a long distance relationship. It did not start out that way and if I'd thought it would be that way I would not have allowed a relationship at all. I love my significant other very much, so the distance pisses me off because I wanted for us to actually be together. I have offered many times to move over there, and there was some resistance to the idea. Now I think the realization has hit that it's the only way around an assortment of stupid immigration problems that I can't comprehend. Some of them make no sense. I'd have to see the paperwork to know what the hell it's all about.
Just so it's not over some idiotic kind of politics or some stupid foot dragging that had to do with not wanting to admit a desire to stay in his own country. Anyway to all you people in long distance relations, guys especially, cuz it seems to be a guy thing..
WRITE DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!! IT WON"T KILL YOU!!!!!!
You got it he says he loves me and wants a continued relationship but he's a LOUSY correspondant.
Face to face, if we are in one place well we get on very very well, even under trying circumstances. Which is the only damn reason I have maintained contact at all. Then there is that it is hard for me to find someone I feel actually understands me on any level.
I do not recomend long distance relations if there is any alternative. it's miserable and lonesome. Everything about love, is about being together. Yes you can love someone at a distance but it is just not as much fun.

Me and my ex broke up for various reasons....but one was due to her leaving to go to university. She is only 100 miles or so away, but since she left in September we have had no contact. Actually she is home now, and is a mile away.
I have regular contact with her mum, and know my ex still loves me, and I feel the same. However because of my ex's other problems it is easier for her not be in contact, when she heads back to uni in a week or two,she will not have to deal with saying good bye.
This kills me, but because of my feelings for her I let it...I fight myself not to contact her. I guess my point is that long distance is difficult, and some people deal with it differently. I don't think we would have stayed together if we hadn't broke up, but if we stayed together she would have gone to the same uni as me, and could have resented me in the end for not picking her first choice.
Also, she is 18 and i'm 22 and this is her first time living away from home. I have lived in Spain by myself so I know what it's like. I think the age difference involved, and experiance difference also plays a large part. With my experience I am more jaded than she is, and I was her first "real" love and relationship....so I can understand her way of dealing with things.

For it to work, I think one must have absolute trust in the other and to truly care about your partner...the only other way is to not care or to have an open relationship. Personally i'm not strong enough to deal with that. The fdct you've lasted 3 years is great, and seems to offer good hopes for the future...but be carefull because it may change when you spend more time together.

Ahhh...I'm sorry to hear about your luck but to each their own eh? It seems that out of love and respect for each other you decided this and that is what counts in the end. Distance is in fact a tough thing to deal with indeed. Some people simply aren't "built" to deal with relationships in that manner (not saying that people who can are superior in ANY way, just that in this particular instance have a different reaction to the situation)

Your decision seems quite respectable and I do wish the best for ya both.

Of course they are just as valid as other relationships! They just take more work, and it doesn't always turn out the way you want it too, but then, neither do all 'close' relationships.

I believe you should enjoy has many people has you can while the time is good and the air is free, and when you are half way into the grave like at the age of 30, then commit yourself to soul death that is monogamy...until then I say enjoy yourself has much as you can
Being with the person you love is enjoyable, you know.

Indeed...

Of course they are just as valid as other relationships! They just take more work, and it doesn't always turn out the way you want it too, but then, neither do all 'close' relationships.


Being with the person you love is enjoyable, you know.

But why limit yourself, especially when you are young

Happiness is found differently by different people. Some find the idea of "limiting themselves" to one partner to be restrictive and unhappy while others find the complete exclusion of other partners to be just as fulfilling and rewarding I suppose. 8)

I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 years, though we a bit older than you are (not that that's important). We met playing cribbage online. They are tougher in a way than typical relationship, requires more trust, and no room for jealousy. It is also diffucult not to be around them all the time (though that has it's advantages too, less fighting LOL)
Pretty much agree with all that's been said here, you are young but it is possible to find the right person right off (though most of us don't), took me almost 40yrs to find my soulmate, but something tells me this is the right one. Our situations don't allow us to be together yet, but it will happen when it is right.

Take care and good luck :]

Happiness is found differently by different people. Some find the idea of "limiting themselves" to one partner to be restrictive and unhappy while others find the complete exclusion of other partners to be just as fulfilling and rewarding I suppose. 8)
Beat me to it. :P

Personally, I'm happier "restricting" myself to my love than I would be if I was with a bunch of people. To each his own.

I wonder why the people who posted that they never believed it was valid don't post why...I don't think we'd go insane over it as we all seem to agree that it isn't for everyone...

I wonder why the people who posted that they never believed it was valid don't post why...I don't think we'd go insane over it as we all seem to agree that it isn't for everyone...


If it is valid to you, that is what counts. To each their own, some probably don't think it's possible, or by some of the responses, jealousy and such wouldn't make it possible to even have a chance.

I just want to have a nice civil debate with someone that doesn't end up in flame wars really. I do like hearing the success stories too though, it makes me feel like the idiots at school who annoyed me all during grade 9 clearly didn't know what they were talking about.

On a side note, grade 9 was pure and utter evil.

I just want to have a nice civil debate with someone that doesn't end up in flame wars really. I do like hearing the success stories too though, it makes me feel like the idiots at school who annoyed me all during grade 9 clearly didn't know what they were talking about.

On a side note, grade 9 was pure and utter evil.

Most people don't know what they are talking about, us included ;] LOL.

One has to do what one feels is right, not what everyone else thinks you should do. You seem to have your head squarely on your shoulders (I sure didn't at that time in life). Life was heck in school for me too, but hate to tell you, but life has more "tests" in store (not quite never ending, but seems like it sometimes).

(parting wisdom before I go to bed, well ok maybe wisdom ;] )

Few things in life can't be taken from you. Ones honor can only be discarded/comprimised/ignored by you and only you, it cannot be taken from you, only given up by you.

Happiness is found differently by different people. Some find the idea of "limiting themselves" to one partner to be restrictive and unhappy while others find the complete exclusion of other partners to be just as fulfilling and rewarding I suppose. 8)

Okay, if it makes you happy I am all for it, I hope it works out..wish you two the best

Most people don't know what they are talking about, us included ;] LOL.

One has to do what one feels is right, not what everyone else thinks you should do. You seem to have your head squarely on your shoulders (I sure didn't at that time in life). Life was heck in school for me too, but hate to tell you, but life has more "tests" in store (not quite never ending, but seems like it sometimes).

(parting wisdom before I go to bed, well ok maybe wisdom ;] )

Few things in life can't be taken from you. Ones honor can only be discarded/comprimised/ignored by you and only you, it cannot be taken from you, only given up by you.

Thank you for your compliments and posts Guitar that happens to Scream. Only thing in school that pissed me off was being constantly berrated by several people for having long distance relationship (from now on I'm just typing LDR). Regardless, they stopped after I yelled at one of them for 20 minutes straight when I got annoyed one day. :P

Don't worry, no one touches my dear honor, me included :P

One big problem you'll face when you finally get together is that you both have an idealised view of each other. You've only ever spoken/chatted to one another when you've wanted to. So you've got seriously thick rose-tinted glasses on right now. Now you get to see each other every day, you both will see each others flaws and annoying habits. So be careful not to get too annoyed! It's difficult not to, once you finally met the real flesh-and-blood person and not the ideal one you've been carrying in your head.

Oh yes, that has been brought to my attention a fair bit indeed. Believe me when I say that our errors are quite obvious...but yea, we know to look out for that because we know we are in fact human and not perfect.

We accept each other's weaknesses and we stick through it with each other through the bad and the good. Adjusting to the massive change that will soon occur is a neccassary step in our relationship and we shall rise to the occasion :D

21 to 13 in favor of valid so far o.o

Go for it.

I have...uh...some experience...

...er...

...complicated and very far from a "success" story >_>

Bumpity bumpity

Bumpity ><

I'm not sure if a LDR would work out for me, purely because I have a complete and total inability to trust anyone. Then again, I've never felt "true love" yet, so I suppose I might trust someone if I truly loved them. Oh, how the hell should I know, I'm a stupid 9th grader.
:headbang:

On a side note, grade 9 was pure and utter evil.
On a side note, thank god it isn't just me.

I'm very sorry if I didn't make much sense in that post.

Indeed, grade 9 had some serious issues to work out for me too. Power to the grade 9 survivors!

bumpity!

Last time I'm gonna bump it, I just kinda miss having these debates with people at school as this is my main topic of interest...after this I won't bump it any more, I swear!

stab if you are so secure in this relationship why are you asking people whether it is valid or not? Could you be having some doubts?

Nah, I'm just horribly desperate for attention and/or intelligable debate in a field I care about. It is known to many that know me personally that I love debating things with people. Unfortunately, the topics that are most debated on here either are fields I do not like to argue about (Religion is a big headache for me because I want to balance my view with not insulting anyone) or aren't actually debates but just flame wars.

Believe me, if I had doubts me and her would have broken up long ago, but seeing as how we haven't and that I love her more now than ever, I can safely say I am not insecure, just curious.

I've done an LDR before. It died horribly in the end, and I've decided not to do one ever again. On the other side, I know folks that started off with an LDR, and are now happily married. It all depends on what type of people we are talking about.

If you are 17 you should not be in a serious relationship, this is the only time you have to be young , why would you want to waste it tied down to one person? I believe you should enjoy has many people has you can while the time is good and the air is free, and when you are half way into the grave like at the age of 30, then commit yourself to soul death that is monogamy...until then I say enjoy yourself has much as you can

What is this b.s.? I've heard this countless times. "Be an inconsiderate jerk, don't develop your relationships, don't get friends but acquiantances," and so on. If a long-term relationship works, it shouldn't be ended just because some guy on the net says you should. If it should end, it should end only because it actually doesn't work.