NationStates Jolt Archive

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480 lb woman dies bonded to couch :eek:

Yes, it does.

Funny story: When I was at the CIA, we were developing a retro-virus that would bugger up the metabolism and make everyone dead fat. The idea was we'd sprinkle it into the grain the US shipped to the Eastern Bloc, and the result would be after a few years there society would collapse under the strain of all the morbidly obese. (You know, they wouldn't be able to find anyone to physical labor, join the army, and there economy would collapse from the medical bills.)

Anyway, it never worked too well, becuase it only affected about half the population so we binned the project and locked the virus in my desk.

Right after the Christmas party, I was cleaning around my office, and I noticed that some of the virus had gone. I wonder what happened to it.

Oh well, I'm sure it was disposed of properly.

At the risk of sounding like the stereotypical angry-teenage forumer...
OMG! TIHS R SOOOOOOOOOOOO OLD! U R STUPID! U DI N STUF!!!!one million!!!!one!!!eleven!!!1

I could have used numbers, but Im feeling lazy.
8y3

Oh well, I'm sure it was disposed of properly.

You think? holds up vial of virus
:)

thats it, i stopping eating crisps

Oh well, I'm sure it was disposed of properly.

Got Milk?

Got Milk?

Okay, whatever you do. DO NOT MIX IT WITH MILK. Let's just say the results would be bad.

Okay, whatever you do. DO NOT MIX IT WITH MILK. Let's just say the results would be bad.

What would happen?? :D

What is it about some people that they would let themselves get that fat? I mean there must have been some signs that she needed help before her fat got grafted onto the sofa.

What would happen?? :D

Well, we found that if you take it with milk, it can have some..... let's just say "explosive" gastric consequences. Permenantly.

Well, we found that if you take it with milk, it can have some..... let's just say "explosive" gastric consequences. Permenantly.

Like turbo farts...COOL :p

Like turbo farts...COOL :p

Yes, but turbo farts that kill.

Trust me, you do not want to be around when one goes off.

Yes, it does.

Funny story: When I was at the CIA, we were developing a retro-virus that would bugger up the metabolism and make everyone dead fat. The idea was we'd sprinkle it into the grain the US shipped to the Eastern Bloc, and the result would be after a few years there society would collapse under the strain of all the morbidly obese. (You know, they wouldn't be able to find anyone to physical labor, join the army, and there economy would collapse from the medical bills.)

Anyway, it never worked too well, becuase it only affected about half the population so we binned the project and locked the virus in my desk.

Right after the Christmas party, I was cleaning around my office, and I noticed that some of the virus had gone. I wonder what happened to it.

Oh well, I'm sure it was disposed of properly.

Bullshit...if that was true you couldn't say it.

My uncle works with the government on top-secret radar stuff. What part of the government does he work for? Who knows? What does he do with radar? Who knows? Is radar just a lie? Who knows?

A substitute teacher of mine used to be in the navy on an intelligence boat. He didn't even do anything involved with intelligence, he just was on the boat, and he's still not allowed to talk about ANYTHING involving those five years of his life.

Basically, you're either going to "disappear" within the next few days, or you're full of shit.

Bullshit...if that was true you couldn't say it.

My uncle works with the government on top-secret radar stuff. What part of the government does he work for? Who knows? What does he do with radar? Who knows? Is radar just a lie? Who knows?

A substitute teacher of mine used to be in the navy on an intelligence boat. He didn't even do anything involved with intelligence, he just was on the boat, and he's still not allowed to talk about ANYTHING involving those five years of his life.

Basically, you're either going to "disappear" within the next few days, or you're full of shit.

I can say it because I am totally anonymous here. The government has no idea who I am.

CIA NOTICE: you will now be sent to guantamano bay for this, everyone who posted, even me,

I can say it because I am totally anonymous here. The government has no idea who I am.

uh huh...and if Bush was to give the firing codes of the US nuclear program to someone over the internet, with a name like "panda320423" making sure that he's anonymous...I'm sure no one would care...

right...

KGB notice: hahahahaha silly american comrades, we now know about your silly plan, and we in 1999 sent the vial of that stuff to your McDonalds and Coca-Cola, look at you now

thats hysterical :D

which one

uh huh...and if Bush was to give the firing codes of the US nuclear program to someone over the internet, with a name like "panda320423" making sure that he's anonymous...I'm sure no one would care...

right...

Dude, the project was secret and compartmentalized. Only four of us actually knew the whole scope of it, and we are all retired now after making billions in the dot com bubble in the nineties. (Another CIA program BTW, operation "FAT CHECK").

Anyway, after we retired, I made sure the other three ran into "accidents" so now I am the only one left with complete knowledge of operation "WAISTBAND".

So it doesn't matter what I post, because as far as everyone else who was involved was concerned it was a government sponsored program examining the feasibility of new artificial sweetners for the fast food industry. (With a veiw to replacing high fructose corn syrup).

The restrictions you are talking about only apply to low level functionaries. Not me.

KGB notice: hahahahaha silly american comrades, we now know about your silly plan, and we in 1999 sent the vial of that stuff to your McDonalds and Coca-Cola, look at you now

Wait, stop! Your telling me the stripper at the christmas party was a KGB plant?

Good one comrade.

if thats how you interpreted it , then yes

dude, were you involved in anything else lacadaemon? anything that maybe there are more leaks about?

Anyway, after we retired, [b]I made sure the other three ran into "accidents"[b] so now I am the only one left with complete knowledge of operation "WAISTBAND".

lmao...wow...

Alright man...whatever you say

dude, were you involved in anything else lacadaemon? anything that maybe there are more leaks about?

Well another good one was project "EARHERPES": Back in the 70s we noticed that good popular music went hand in hand with the counter culture and the youth movement. (I know it started in the sixties, but we didn't notice until the 70s because we were still dead busy covering up the assinations of JFK, RFK and Martin Luther King).

Anyway, long story short, we realized that if we made so called "pop" music crap, then we'd knock a lot of fight out of todays youth. I was behind "boy bands" and Madonna. A collegue of mine started Rap,

Honestly, that was one of the bits of work I am most proud of. If you look at todays youth they are far more apathetic than in the sixties and seventies. And even when they are not, they are generally self involved and self destructive. (Look at Woodstock in the 90s). The only problems we have know are from those that listen to so called independant music, but that is a vanishingly small percentage, so its all good.

Well another good one was project "EARHERPES": Back in the 70s we noticed that good popular music went hand in hand with the counter culture and the youth movement. (I know it started in the sixties, but we didn't notice until the 70s because we were still dead busy covering up the assinations of JFK, RFK and Martin Luther King).

Anyway, long story short, we realized that if we made so called "pop" music crap, then we'd knock a lot of fight out of todays youth. I was behind "boy bands" and Madonna. A collegue of mine started Rap,

Honestly, that was one of the bits of work I am most proud of. If you look at todays youth they are far more apathetic than in the sixties and seventies. And even when they are not, they are generally self involved and self destructive. (Look at Woodstock in the 90s). The only problems we have know are from those that listen to so called independant music, but that is a vanishingly small percentage, so its all good.

wont saying that give away who you are? and actually I'm more interested in viruses.

wont saying that give away who you are? and actually I'm more interested in viruses.

No, it won't give it away. The real CIA is actually very good at secrecy. The whole incompetence thing is a clever "front" to keep people off our backs.

The fat virus was the only virus project I worked on, though there were rumors that Jimmy Carter wanted a virus made that would make people vote democrat.

No, it won't give it away. The real CIA is actually very good at secrecy. The whole incompetence thing is a clever "front" to keep people off our backs.

The fat virus was the only virus project I worked on, though there were rumors that Jimmy Carter wanted a virus made that would make people vote democrat.
That's pretty rich, do you still have any inside connections?

That's pretty rich, do you still have any inside connections?

Well, you never really leave the "firm". Just take sabaticals. After all, we never kept records of our "real" operations, so if they want to know what was really going on in the past, they have to speak to someone from back then who was involved.

Dude, the project was secret and compartmentalized. Only four of us actually knew the whole scope of it, and we are all retired now after making billions in the dot com bubble in the nineties. (Another CIA program BTW, operation "FAT CHECK").

Anyway, after we retired, I made sure the other three ran into "accidents" so now I am the only one left with complete knowledge of operation "WAISTBAND".

So it doesn't matter what I post, because as far as everyone else who was involved was concerned it was a government sponsored program examining the feasibility of new artificial sweetners for the fast food industry. (With a veiw to replacing high fructose corn syrup).

The restrictions you are talking about only apply to low level functionaries. Not me.


And some people still think your being serious hehehehe, they need to pull the sticks out of their ass and just realize

HE'S JOKING

go here...
http://www.wftv.com/news/3643877/detail.html

480 lb woman dies bonded to couch :eek:

*waves a little American flag*
*sings* I'm proud to be an American ...
*tear*

Ok enough. This just leads me to continue to ask, "What the fuck is wrong with Florida?!"

And some people still think your being serious hehehehe, they need to pull the sticks out of their ass and just realize

HE'S JOKING
I think you need to lighten up, it's fun to play along.

go here...
http://www.wftv.com/news/3643877/detail.html

480 lb woman dies bonded to couch :eek:
well, I know of ONE vote that wasn't cast this year.