NationStates Jolt Archive

Because Jon Stewart is God.

I've held this opinion for a long time, and I just wanted to verify that everyone on NS agrees with me.

Jon Stewart has to be one of my favorite people ever, and definitely way more important than FDR, Lincoln, Washington, Hitler, Stalin, Emperor Constantine of Rome, Julius Caesar, Willam Shakespear, Queen Elizabeth I, Gustavus Adolphus, and Quentin Tarentino combined. Future history books will not call this era, "The War on Terrorism" or possibly "The Digital Age," but "The Jon Stewart Epoch." It will be recounted as a golden age when Jon Stewart was the anchor of the aptly named Daily Show With Jon Stewart, that fortunately, never ended because it was later discovered that Jon Stewart was immortal, and in fact God Himself.

Who agrees with me?

Yes! And our Holy Text is America: The Book

Because Jon Stewart is God.

I've held this opinion for a long time, and I just wanted to verify that everyone on NS agrees with me.

Jon Stewart has to be one of my favorite people ever, and definitely way more important than FDR, Lincoln, Washington, Hitler, Stalin, Emperor Constantine of Rome, Julius Caesar, Willam Shakespear, Queen Elizabeth I, Gustavus Adolphus, and Quentin Tarentino combined. Future history books will not call this era, "The War on Terrorism" or possibly "The Digital Age," but "The Jon Stewart Epoch." It will be recounted as a golden age when Jon Stewart was the anchor of the aptly named Daily Show With Jon Stewart, that fortunately, never ended because it was later discovered that Jon Stewart was immortal, and in fact God Himself.

Who agrees with me?

Strange post, but entirely true. I am no longer agnostic, I am now a Stewartian.

Because Jon Stewart is God.

I've held this opinion for a long time, and I just wanted to verify that everyone on NS agrees with me.

Jon Stewart has to be one of my favorite people ever, and definitely way more important than FDR, Lincoln, Washington, Hitler, Stalin, Emperor Constantine of Rome, Julius Caesar, Willam Shakespear, Queen Elizabeth I, Gustavus Adolphus, and Quentin Tarentino combined. Future history books will not call this era, "The War on Terrorism" or possibly "The Digital Age," but "The Jon Stewart Epoch." It will be recounted as a golden age when Jon Stewart was the anchor of the aptly named Daily Show With Jon Stewart, that fortunately, never ended because it was later discovered that Jon Stewart was immortal, and in fact God Himself.

Who agrees with me?


I am going to have to go along with this guy and agree.


Strange post, but entirely true. I am no longer agnostic, I am now a Stewartian.

And as usual, Vittos for the win.

Does anybody else agree here our Holy Text should be America: The Book?

Come one, come all, join the Stewartian church... we worship our lord weekdays on Comedy Central at seven, and Mondays through Thursdays at Eleven as well.

What about Shepard Smith on Foxnews?

You know, this is quite amusing.

I will found the opposing Church of England! Oh, they've got some fine fake newsmen in jolly old England! :D

Because Jon Stewart is God.

I've held this opinion for a long time, and I just wanted to verify that everyone on NS agrees with me.

Jon Stewart has to be one of my favorite people ever, and definitely way more important than FDR, Lincoln, Washington, Hitler, Stalin, Emperor Constantine of Rome, Julius Caesar, Willam Shakespear, Queen Elizabeth I, Gustavus Adolphus, and Quentin Tarentino combined. Future history books will not call this era, "The War on Terrorism" or possibly "The Digital Age," but "The Jon Stewart Epoch." It will be recounted as a golden age when Jon Stewart was the anchor of the aptly named Daily Show With Jon Stewart, that fortunately, never ended because it was later discovered that Jon Stewart was immortal, and in fact God Himself.

Who agrees with me?

I didn't know Jon Stewart had a NS membership.

What about Shepard Smith on Foxnews?

I will found the opposing Church of England! Oh, they've got some fine fake newsmen in jolly old England!

Blasphemy! Heretics! You defy our true Lord, Jon Stewart! Ye shall suffer an eternity of moderate discomfort in the fires of Heck!

Blasphemy! Heretics! You defy our true Lord, Jon Stewart! Ye shall suffer an eternity of moderate discomfort in the fires of Heck!
Presided over by Stephen Colbert, who reports 'This Week in God'

Can Jon Stewart tell a joke so funny that people would actually forget to laugh?

He is a typical Jew.

He is a typical Jew.
Yes; typical Jews have excellent senses of humor and often make me laugh

If only we had more typical Jews... wait? What am I saying? Jon Stewart is not a typical Jew! He's extraordinary! He's amazing, wonderful... so amazingly wonderful that the only word I can use to accurately describe him is... Scrumtrellescent.

Stewartesque - adj. having qualities similar, but not equivalent to, Jon Stewart

Well, Stewartesque wouldn't really describe Jon Stewart, would it?

Well, Stewartesque wouldn't really describe Jon Stewart, would it?
I must amend it:

-being able to host a fake news program that is even more credible than the real news, and having the ability to make people laugh hard

I've been thinking about researching religions to attach myself to, and here it is! Anyone want to help me found the Southern New Mexico chapter of the Stewartian Church?

I've been thinking about researching religions to attach myself to, and here it is! Anyone want to help me found the Southern New Mexico chapter of the Stewartian Church?
Would it not be more correct to call it the Synagogue of Leibowitz?

Would it not be more correct to call it the Synagogue of Leibowitz?


Oh, you're not bitching about how blasphemoous this is? So you're only going to harass the pagans, not the blasphemers, not the smartasses, not the racists? Just MY thread?!

Damn you're annoying.

Yes! we are complete idiots[/u]
fixed

fixed
Pinko-commie scum! Don't deface Jon Stewart's sanctum!

hes funny, but his political views should be taken as seriously as eminem, michael moore, or the dixi chicks

hes funny, but his political views should be taken as seriously as eminem, michael moore, or the dixi chicks
We don't exactly follow his political views; we worship his comedy!

We don't exactly follow his political views; we worship his comedy!I hate Michael Moore anyway for criticizing Bill Clinton. But yes, to echo everyone else, Jon Stewart is the funniest man on earth.
America: The Book is (or was--not sure) #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List, or NAMBLA!

Would it not be more correct to call it the Synagogue of Leibowitz?

Do not speak our Lord's true name! Thou hast sinned most... sinfully! Our Lord wishes to be worshipped as Jon Stewart, and we shall worship him as such.

bump

Ya'll need Jesus.

Ya'll need Jesus.


They have him. He's hiding behind the marijuana plant in the corner.

You misspelled "y'all"

Jon Stewart rocks, I'm trying to find somewhere I can get torrents of the show, as I don't have a tv right now. (Thats right, I put high speed net over getting a tv)
Modern politics are so horrible that they are begging to be made fun of.

All Hail Mr. Stewart!

Ya'll need Jesus.

Only if he really does look a lot like Peter Steele. *turns up the Type O*

Back on topic:

Jon Stewart is a god. Jon Stewart is to broadcast news media what The Onion is printed media. All hail the Holy Satirists!

Warning: I am reading WAY too much into this. It is Christmas vacation (Oh the irony...) and my favorite forum has been hacked by some worm so I am exceedingly bored.

So, our holy text is America: The Book.

Seeing as Jon Stewart is our lord, shall we make Samantha Been, Rob Cordury (spelling?), Stephen Colbert, Ed Helms, and Lewis Black apostles? I know there is at least one other, but I cant recall his name. The co-authors/editors of the Holy Text, Ben Karlin and David Javerbaum among others should also get some recognition.

Lets see... We need some silly laws to go with this new religion. "Thou shall face the direction of New York City when watching our Lord."

How 'bout some commandments?

Jon Stewart rocks, I'm trying to find somewhere I can get torrents of the show, as I don't have a tv right now. (Thats right, I put high speed net over getting a tv)
Modern politics are so horrible that they are begging to be made fun of.

All Hail Mr. Stewart!
here (http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/)

Wouldn't Steve Corell be in their too? And Mo Rocca, for his brief but notable contributions to the faith?

Commandment 1:

Thou shalt watch no news program before His. Nor shalt thou create any craven images of any news anchor, save our Lord Stewart, for He alone is worthy of reverence.

Commandment 1:

Thou shalt watch no news program before His. Nor shalt thou create any craven images of any news anchor, save our Lord Stewart, for He alone is worthy of reverence.

Perfect! Utterly perfect.

XD

You know, I think you need a knew name for your denomination... "Stewart" is such a common last name, after all. You wouldn't want to let people think you were worshiping Martha.

The thread-starter should look into going into the advertising business. This title absolutely rocks - see how many people have come here already. :b

I don't know much about Jon Stewart, but from what I do know, he seems awesome.

My chosen holy texts are The Lord of the Rings, The Age of Reason, and lately Baghdad Burning (http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com) (a blog qualifies as a book once its big enough).

Me and my friends have been [underground-ly] worshiping Jon Stewart for a year. Maybe we can be PUBLIC!

You know, I think you need a knew name for your denomination... "Stewart" is such a common last name, after all. You wouldn't want to let people think you were worshiping Martha.
Leibowitz...

WTF is Jon Stewart?

WTF is Jon Stewart?
Go here (http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/)

One of us should definately get a website for this going

I'll gladly worship John Stewart. If anybody is worthy of godliness its him.

Leibowitz...

Hey, what did we say about speaking our Lord's true name? That's forbidden. It's like YHWH, if you see it written, just say something else instead, like "Adonai" or in our case "Jon Stewart."

Who cares if Jon Stewart's God, Torching Witches is the Messiah! All hail TWitches! :p

Personally, I worship Al Franken. You Jon Stewart-worshipping heathens couldn't possibly understand the infinite justice of Al. All glory to Franken!

Who cares if Jon Stewart's God, Torching Witches is the Messiah! All hail TWitches!

Personally, I worship Al Franken. You Jon Stewart-worshipping heathens couldn't possibly understand the infinite justice of Al. All glory to Franken!

Intolerable Heresy! Both of thee art daemon-worshippers worthy of the most venomous contempt and retribution. You can only be saved by the power of Jon Stewart! Without him, you are lost to the outer places of darkness and unfunny news programs headed up by unfunny anchors like Greta Van Susteren (sp?).

Al Franken is a false god, like Michael Moore or Baal. Only Jon Stewart possesses true omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence, and omnicomicalness (all-funniness, a new word coined to describe Jon Stewart). IF you continue to defy our Lord, I can only assure you that legions of lesser comedians will prod you with pointy sticks for much of eternity. Convert or be damned!

All Hail Mr. Stewart!
Yes, Martha's husband is a very interesting fellow.

Let the heretics be burned! Stewart is the One True God! We shall follow only him, and readeth only his Book of America, and watcheth only his divine Daily Show!

I am a WHOLESALE convert.

I believe he is a great guy, but not nearly as impoirtant as the author of this thread portrays him. But yes, he is hilarious. A comic genious.

He is a typical Jew.
Most Jews that I have met have had a good sense of humor, been intelligent, and successful. I agree. He's a typical Jew.

John Stewart grew up just one town over from me. He's a credit to the great state of New Jersey.

Sure, America: The Book was funny, but I liked Naked Pictures of Famous People better. Buy this if you get the chance. Consider it the Old Testament of Jon.

I'll convert to Stewartism but I demand a sacrafice!

I would like to see Jon Steweard burn Michael Moore at the stake!

Then I will be a most devout follower.

i dunno if anyone else had said but

who is this dude??? never heard of him

who is jon stewart?

For those who question the identity of Jon Stewart, I offer you this source of enlightenment:

http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart (enlightenment)