NationStates Jolt Archive

Please offer the least helpful advice you possibly can.

For example:

"You know bloodletting is safe and effective, because it's been used for centuries."

I don't care if your fatally allergic to nuts, these peanuts are the cure for your cancer!

Girls like it if you whip it out on the first date.

Its safe to drink the water in Mexico.

Suicide isn't such a bad idea. There's at least a fifty percent chance that there's an afterlife.

Large Italian men like it when you insult their mothers.

kiss a horse or lick the bottom of your shoe before going on a date.

Offer watermellon to all black people you meet.

Avoid women at all costs

"it's ok...they like it when you put your fingers in the cage..."

There's no such thing as rape.

Human preservation should be your first priority.

Tap on the glass. Please tap on the glass.

No, alcohol doesn't impair your judgement!

Toddler murder is legal on Thursday in seven states and fourteen counties!

Seatbelts are for homosexuals

Southern men with big muscles welcome gays with open arms. Run to them, they're waiting.

"Pull up your handlebars Colin!"

-shudder- -rubs arm in remembered pain-

Always make fun of a black man's shoes.

"take a running jump!! You can make it!!"

trust me, you cant.

Just ignore bullies and they will leave you alone.

Just ignore bullies and they will leave you alone.
reminds me of real bad advice school gave the students

Not really advice, more like a statement

"Bullies are people who feel sad on the inside"

Cops like it when you run away from them when they're questioning you. It gives them a good cardiovascular workout.

Cops like it when you run away from them when they're questioning you. It gives them a good cardiovascular workout.
And they enjoy comparing guns. Whip one out sometime, they enjoy the surprise!

"And when youre having sexual relations with a man, always refer to yourself as mommie.'"

"OOOO mommie likes it like that baby......make mommie a happy."

ack!

when trying to pick up girls, just pretend you're gay. Chicks will flock to you, they love guys they can approach without having to fear for their physical integrity. After that, show them how sensitive and in touch with your feminine side you are. A few weeks later, say you're starting to think you might be bi, and that you'd like to at least try.

Girls also like it when you stare at their chest. Especially if you drool while doing so.

Trust the Government. They have your best interests at heart.

You know... alot of your "bad" advice seems to come from that "How to Approach Women" Thread by Huliu... very interesting.

In that spirit:
OK, I don't want to make you nervous, but the women you meet at this party will be recording all of your actions. You will be videotaped and bugged, and after the party the women will not go home, they will return to their secret underground bunker, where they will review all of your actions, witticisms, and dietary choices in depth. By the time you wake up the next morning, they will have your complete psychological profile and urinalysis.

The best thing to do is travel in a pack. You'll need to have four guys who are cool, but not as cool as you. Preferably, you want one guy who's kind of smart, one guy who's kind of funny, one guy who's kind of hot, and one guy who's into some sort of popular music that you also listen to, and who is listening to it at the time. The point here is that none of them is better than you in more than one area (preferably no areas), and that one of them will have some sort of icebreaker which will get you in the metaphorical door to employ your superior charm, wit, and intelligence. If you select your "pack" with care, females will naturally be attracted to you, since you will be the best guy of the pack. It's a delicate balance - if your pack is too cool, they'll outcool you and you'll be out in the cold; if they're not cool enough, everyone will think you're a nerd and make fun of you forever, even after you die.

If this doesn't work, you may wish to employ a bear trap to break one of the women's legs. Then you can "comfort" her while awaiting the paramedics.

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After reading a post like this, make sure to berate the author for suggesting the use of a beartrap, because that idea is dangerously feasible.

Remember: when cleaning guns, always keep the barrel facing you, so you can make sure its clean!

Licking electrical sockets is good for your health.

giving yourself a tatoo is fun and easy!

involve (waste) any part of your (or others) life around politics.

Oh, yeah, sure, you can smoke! Those say /in/ flammable!

Just sit down. It won't hurt you. I promise.

The principal is your pal.

Go ahead and try it,
The internet is not addictive at all.

remember its ok to feed the animals in the zoo

if you get off at the next left it will lead to a shortcut

Go to the toilet later there will be one at the next stop

You can do anything if you believe in yourself!

In America, you can do anything so long as you have a dream and determination.

Girls love guys that are so modest they are unconfident!

The best way to respond to an "Ethnicity=Master Race" thread is to invent your own and screw up your ethnicity.

Just wait 'til you get older. Life only gets better as you age.