NationStates Jolt Archive


Those Funny Engineers

Davistania
20-12-2004, 20:31
I'm an engineer. Or at least I'm trying to be one. Anyway, I had come to notice that my Statics course had been sucking my normally witty, humorous soul dry. Anyway, one of the problems we had to solve in Statics was building a bridge to support a load. We were basically told this design would be used to span a small stream on our Professor's property. Further interpretation was left up to us.

I don't know if it was the stress of the course or what, but many people used this interpretation humorously. So I give you:

The Top 10 Assumed Loads for Professor P's Bridge

10) Three people walking the same direction. If all three people
happened to be on their right or left foot at the same time, then about
two thirds of each of their weight would be transferred to the same
side.

9) Professor P holding a party, so he and his friends would be packed
onto the bridge (five people with babies in their arms, comfortably),
and he would be playing House of Pain “Jump Around.”

8) According to the Federal Aviation Administration, the average
weight
of an adult passenger is 190lb during the summer. As it is unlikely
that many people would be using the bridge in the winter, a weight of
190lb is an acceptable approximation.

7) Prof. P is moving and wants to wheel a large freezer full
of frozen disgruntled static students and a case of beer across the
bridge.

6) There is a line of students on the bridge waiting to tell Prof.
P what a great professor he is.

5) Professor P and his 723lb Harley Davidson Road King

4) Five people patting the backs of five of the Badgers offensive
linemen, leaning over the rail sick from one of Prof. P’s killer
parties.

3) 1200 lbs for Prof. P’s cows that cross the bridge one at a
time.

2) Someone sitting on someone else’s lap who’s sitting on the
railing of the foot bridge.

1) The bridge should hold no weight so as to eliminate
unsuspecting trespassers.
***************
It's darn funny to me. But I've been fried this week. Also, maybe it's a sign of how low I've fallen that I laugh at engineering jokes.

Any other engineering stories/ Finals stories would be appreciated.
Lascivious Maximus
20-12-2004, 20:59
Things my statics teacher used to tell us on a regular basis:

1. "In the real world..." (to be followed by a three hour dissertation of how when our teacher was a practicing P Eng, things were done so much better. and when we get out of the classroom and into this purported "real world" things would knock us on our collective asses and slap us around like the little statics bitches he knew we were, since there is no possible way we will ever be as smart or capable as he was back in the day!)

2. "Narrower and deeper is cheaper!!!" (yeah, this is true, but who wants a 2 foot deep drop beam in their basement?)

3. "Garbage sig figs!!" (Um, guess what, loads are approximated anyway, so if im off by a few decimal places, its not the end of the world)

4. "Engineers have to be better by design!" (well, I have to admit, I thought this was a clever way to describe the people of this proffession the first time I heard it... the second, third, fourth or five-hundredth... not so much)

5. "You're not taking all of the load into consideration!!!" (I think why this is funny is sort of self explanatory!)


and just in case there are other structural engineers who like engineering humor, how about a stress analysis for a strapless evening gown!! (http://gendertree.com/a_stress_analysis_of_a_strapless.htm)

Enjoy!! :D
Lascivious Maximus
20-12-2004, 21:33
*bump*

Hey!! C'mon guys and girls!! There must be enough engineering students or people otherwise in this profession to keep this thread from slipping into the darkened obscurity of the second page??

Engineers wake up and lets get a thread started to laugh at ourselves!! :p
Eichen
20-12-2004, 22:13
*yawn*
Illich Jackal
20-12-2004, 22:40
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer --you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, he's harnessed the fires of hell to produce electricity.
Soon afterward, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"