NationStates Jolt Archive

My idea: giant stilts submerged underwater and excellent balance.

tiny outboard sandal motors.

Other

magnets.

All excellent theories.

He had two small boats for feet. Great for walking on water, played hell with sandal shopping :p

magnets.
How does that work?

I don't wat to say this but, you have left the door wide open...

Jesus could walk on water because scum floats

Other: he didn't

No need to be bitter.

Hovercraft sandals.

I don't wat to say this but, you have left the door wide open...

Jesus could walk on water because scum floats

So does Hope.



(Note: I HATE that movie)

what, you don't know?
Jesus walk on the water, like moses open the see, like muhamad go to the sky, like fairy flies.
so, now you can find two options: either they had secret magic bank or they bullshit.

but I think there is simpler option: Jesus walk on the lake when all the water was full by riligion's wars victims.

other: he didn't.... jesus walking on water in the bible is a metaphore for doing something extrodanary or impossible...

He didn't.

He didn't.
Did too!

Did not! etc.

Stop it. It's a joke. Look up

So does Hope.



(Note: I HATE that movie)
So do very small rocks

Bread


Ducks

And churches (no order)

*and a cookie if you get the movie those objects are from … shouldn’t be hard*

Other : Jesus and his followers were all high and then the J-man stood in a puddle.

So do very small rocks

Bread


Ducks

And churches (no order)

*and a cookie if you get the movie those objects are from … shouldn’t be hard*
"churches" is in The Quest for the Holy Grail?

So do very small rocks

Bread


Ducks

And churches (no order)

*and a cookie if you get the movie those objects are from … shouldn’t be hard*

If Jesus floats on water, he must be made of wood. What else do we do with wood?

Build a bridge out of Jesus!

"churches" is in The Quest for the Holy Grail?
Yeah muttered in the backround of the scene
Edit: longer quote
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #1: Oh, yeah.
RANDOM: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No. No.
VILLAGER #2: No, it floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond! Throw her into the pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Uh, churches! Churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR: A duck!
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly. So, logically...

um walked in the shallow end?

Other : Jesus and his followers were all high and then the J-man stood in a puddle.
*giggles insanely*

Dude! You're like, floating, or some weird shit!

Nah, man, I'm like, floating. Whoa.

*tokes*

God knows.

If Jesus floats on water, he must be made of wood. What else do we do with wood?

Build a bridge out of Jesus!
According to Puritan law..If Jesus was made of wood...he would have been a WITCH!

God knows.
Maybe She was high and forgot too

Yeah muttered in the backround of the scene
Edit: longer quote
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #1: Oh, yeah.
RANDOM: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No. No.
VILLAGER #2: No, it floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond! Throw her into the pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Uh, churches! Churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR: A duck!
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly. So, logically...
Ah.... do I still get a cookie? *drools*

Maybe She was high and forgot too
I can just see it - a female god with a 1000 mile long joint, packed with the finest white widow

What makes anyone think there was anyone even named Jesus? :confused: Jesus Christ was a title in ancient times....even if someone could walk on water, the sea he walked on was probaly filled with salt and other stuff to make him bouyant....( i know i spelled that word wrong, so forgive me)

Ah.... do I still get a cookie? *drools*
How bout a :fluffle: instead?

I can just see it - a female god with a 1000 mile long joint, packed with the finest white widow
Bet she would be one of thoes easy when high chicks too ;)

and maybe get *experimental* with other girls in the room

That would be so hot! I would have to have a vid camera though!

What makes anyone think there was anyone even named Jesus? :confused: Jesus Christ was a title in ancient times....even if someone could walk on water, the sea he walked on was probaly filled with salt and other stuff to make him bouyant....( i know i spelled that word wrong, so forgive me)
Har Har!
Good one!

How bout a :fluffle: instead?
How about both?

How about both?
Sure I could put cookie in my mouth before :fluffle: you :D

Bet she would be one of thoes easy when high chicks too ;)

and maybe get *experimental* with other girls in the room

That would be so hot! I would have to have a vid camera though!
Hmm. A lesbian porno between God and a sorority girl. Wow. This thread just got wild!

*starts stripping*

Sure I could put cookie in my mouth before :fluffle: you :D
kinky.... I like it cookie-:fluffle:

*giggles insanely*

Dude! You're like, floating, or some weird shit!

Nah, man, I'm like, floating. Whoa.

*tokes*

Wow, that could explain the resurrection.


Woah, where have you been for three days, dude?
I dunno, I just woke up in this weird cave...
You must have got sooooo hammered, man.

Wow, that could explain the resurrection.


Woah, where have you been for three days, dude?
I dunno, I just woke up in this weird cave...
You must have got sooooo hammered, man.
The 'cave' was just a nickname for his bedroom. You know, dark, often smelly and sometimes full of smoke :eek:

Jesus is the messiah, why do you find it so hard to believe that God in the flesh would be able to defy the laws that he created? He walked on water to save the downing Peter.

If it was a metaphor then why did they go into detail of that day that would have nothing to do with a lesson or principal?

Other : Jesus and his followers were all high and then the J-man stood in a puddle.

Awesome, d-u-u-u-de!

We know Jesus walked on water because the Bible tells us so.

Now, Jesus didn't float because he was made of wood- this we know because they nailed Him to the cross. Nailing a piece of wood to another piece of wood has largely no effect.

It is irrational that Jesus would have used stilts, because Book of Toys 9:11
says, in the section on Sex Toys, "Thou shalt not use any toy that [rest of text is missing.]" This rules out The Most Holy of All Holy Holy's use of stilts.

It is irrational that The Most Holy Hoo-Baah walked across because it was frozen; lakes in the Holy Land do not freeze (exept in the Book of Stilton Cheddar 3:1415926535897932384626433832795, and in the Psalm of the Lord's Arse.) Therefore we have ruled out this.

All of the other options are also irrational (Don't question this "or Yea, all those who have sinned shall be cast[text missing]r[text missing]ated.)

Jesus therefore walked on water by tying a pair of floating ducks onto His most holy Footsies and walking across.

QED.

what was the sea jesus walked on?

the dead sea.

what's special about it?

it's exceptionally high salt content, which makes it much denser than normal water, and <i>much</i> easier to float on.

all it took was the surface area of his divine feet to be slightly larger than normal and, hey presto, instant 'miracle'!

How did Jesus walk on water?
REALLY big feet.

what was the sea jesus walked on?

the dead sea.

what's special about it?

it's exceptionally high salt content, which makes it much denser than normal water, and <i>much</i> easier to float on.

all it took was the surface area of his divine feet to be slightly larger than normal and, hey presto, instant 'miracle'!

So Jesus probably wore clown shoes... which would suggest that he was a clown! :eek:

So Jesus probably wore clown shoes... which would suggest that he was a clown! :eek:
*spanish inquisition drags Chicken Pi away*

Heresy!!!!!111shift+1 :D

*spanish inquisition drags Chicken Pi away*

Heresy!!!!!111shift+1 :D

No, not the comfy chair!

Ok, the messiah wasn't a circus performer!!!

No, not the comfy chair!

Ok, the messiah wasn't a circus performer!!!
Good.

*Sets Hell's Grannies on Chicken Pi*

Plus, why is everyone so concerned about this Christ punk? It's Sigmar Hammarhelden who's so awesome.

He did walk on water, at least deep water. Plus, they were taking hits from the bong, I'll bet they thought he was walkin on water.

'Twas a Ninja.

Huzzah!

This reminds me of a joke about Jesus

###################
Jesus and Moses are up in Heaven, bullshitting like usual, when Jesus starts acting a bit embarrassed, ashamed even.

"Hey man," Moses says, "you can tell me what's up, we've been friends for a long time."

"Well, it's just that it's been a couple thousand years since I did my thing, and I've been wondering if I've still what it takes."

"Yeah, no problem J, we just go down and find out!"

So the two of them cruise down to Earth, and Moses, trying to sounds encouraging, says, "Okay, I'll go first." He walks to the water, spreads his arms, and BAM, parts the Red Sea. "Lookit that, no problem. I'm an old man, if I can do it, you can do it."

And Jesus stands up, walks to the water, and begins to walk on the surface of the Sea. After about three steps, however, he plunk sinks like a fucking rock.

So here's Jesus, swimming back to shore, pulling seaweed out of his hair, spitting out salt water, saying, "I'm only two thousand, I'm not that old! What's wrong, what's going on here?"

And Moses answers, "I think I figured it out. The last time you tried that, you didn't have those two holes in the bottom of your feet!"
########

Shallow water, long stilts, some sort of floating shoe, or he didn't really do it. Judea is in the middle of a desert; it's possible that someone saw him from afar walking around and the shimmer of the heat (plus the addlin effects of heat on the brain) caused them to think that he was walking on water.

It could also have been a pre-existing myth or legend that got applied to him ex post facto.

He could have done that silly David Blaine trick where he apparently 'levitates', by standing on one foot at a certain angle and distance away from the audience. Or something similar.

Maybe he had a really small canoe.

He didn't walk on water, he walked on custard!

Wasn't it a bridge over a lake where only a high-priest or rabbi or something could stand and was referred to as "walking on water", then Jesus did it, defying those in power and the story dpreads and the metaphor is lost... or something...