NationStates Jolt Archive


jokes

The Roxburry
17-12-2004, 20:42
I got bored and i have a few really funny jokes so I thought i could share these with all of you and hear yours also. I have your momma jokes, blonde jokes, dating jokes and there all pretty funny so have fun. Id say its sort of an open mic thing have your way with it.


Man: So how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be to if you sit down.

Man:Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. Your going to yours and im goning to mine.

Man: So, whats your sign?
Woman: No Entry.

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Well, good then please leave me alone.

Man:Tell me those 3 little words that would make my day.
Woman: Go to Hell.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a Female impersonator.

Man: Hey there havent i seen you some place before/
Woman: Yes, and thats why I dont go there anymore.

Man: Say, havent we met?
Woman: Yes, I'm the head nurse at the VD clinic.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman; you know, you're dead right...I want you to go away.

Your momma's so fat she saw a bus full of white kids and yelled "STOP THAT TWINKIE!!!"

A blonde gets in an accident, the car is totaled but the blonde is just fine. As the state patrol is pulling up she is re-applying her make-up.
The officer ask's " Why is it the car looks like a mess but you dont have one scratch on you?" The blonde replies " It was the weirdest thing officer i was driving along and this tree swerved out in front of me so I turnede left and there was another, Iturned right and another, left, right, left, right, lef..."
"Uh Ladie" the officer says. "There's not a tree on this road for 30 miles, Thats was your air freshener swinging back and forth."


thats all for now but I have loads more.
Drunk commies
17-12-2004, 20:43
Please put this post where it belongs. Jokes go in the sexism thread.
Legless Pirates
17-12-2004, 20:46
A blind man walks past a fishmonger:"Ladies..."
Nordwind
17-12-2004, 20:51
An Irishman walks into a pub and orders 10 martinis. He drinks them all, but each time saves the olives and places them in a jar. Once the jar has been filled, he leaves his seat and strolls out of the pub, now drunk. A bystander who had been watching him the whole time called out "Hey, what's up with the jar there?"

"Oh, the wife just sent me out to pick up a jar of olives!"
The Roxburry
17-12-2004, 22:10
these are really god ones thanx for repling guys heres more.......

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.