NationStates Jolt Archive

I decided I wanted to feel like somebody loved me, so I ordered myself a "finals survival kit" here at college, as 90% of the people get them anyway. In case you missed the point, this is specifically manufactured and designed for college students.

I go down to pick it up, hand the "someone has gifted you" receipt in, provide three forms of ID (small WTF here), and first thing I see is: LID OPENING INSTRUCTIONS: Holding lid between thumb and forefinger, flip lower rim upwards.

While I'm assuming this is a joke, I still saw some people genuinely struggling. I want to genocide everyone here on a sports team scholarship. I feel no remorse at the fact that 1/4th of my floor will not be returning next semester, except in that one of them was pretty hot.

I almost remorsed at the fact that the whole floor will now be relying upon me to make liquor runs, since the other IDs are gone, but the 20% of the people who drink 80% of the alcohol are gone, so I'll be inconvenienced less in toto.

I have a bucket with "Lid Opening Instructions"

Well then you'd better follow them ... or you might die!

Silly instructions don't suprize me anymore.
I sell and fix small engines/garden eqp. Often I assemble new equipment and read the instructions so I have some clue about what I'm talking about when I try and sell the stuff.
One piece of eqp had the following statement in the manual.
"If you cannot read these instructions, do not use this equipment"

Another, a lawn mower:
"Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is runnning."

LID OPENING INSTRUCTIONS: Holding lid between thumb and forefinger, flip lower rim upwards.

phew, and I was going to use my ass crack to open it.

Silly instructions don't suprize me anymore.
One piece of eqp had the following statement in the manual.
"If you cannot read these instructions, do not use this equipment"

Another, a lawn mower:
"Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is runnning."

I read on the net somewhere an instruction in a Japanese Hotel that said:
"Please do not steal the towels. If you are not the sort of person to do such a thing, do not read this notice."
But at least they had the excuse of poor translation, as opposed to the fear of selling their product to morons.

Another, a lawn mower:
"Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is runnning."

We should ban these sort of warnings in order to implement a modern take on Darwinism. Anybody that dies as a result of not wearing a crash helmet on a bike, or from using a toaster in a bath, should probably not be passing on their 'Stupid' genes to the next generation.

http://www.darwinawards.com/

I'm sorry but I have one that beats you all. On the plane I was handed a package of peanuts (this was a few months ago, but I'm pretty sure it's probably still the same types of peanuts) as a snack, and the directions read:

1. Open package
2. Eat nuts

Warning: Contains traces of nuts.

Like honestly...

I'm sorry but I have one that beats you all. On the plane I was handed a package of peanuts (this was a few months ago, but I'm pretty sure it's probably still the same types of peanuts) as a snack, and the directions read:

1. Open package
2. Eat nuts

Warning: Contains traces of nuts.

Like honestly...

:p
When I was working as a waiter a woman asked me if the 'Nut Loaf' contained nuts.

In physics we were doing a lab on radioactivity and the container for the radioactive material had a warning label that said “WARNING do not ingest” As if the big radiation symbol wasn’t enough.

I've seen a packet of salmon with a "contains fish" warning many times in the past. Makes you lose faith in the human race :D

Heh. A mate of mine worked in Waterstones (book store). On his last day, he decided to tell every fifth customer that their book may contain information. I turned up to see some of these. Most took it as a joke, but this one guy looked quite worried and put his book back. I mean, you know when stupidity has reached a new low when someone is scared of information

In physics we were doing a lab on radioactivity and the container for the radioactive material had a warning label that said “WARNING do not ingest” As if the big radiation symbol wasn’t enough.
People used to drink water with radium in it when radioactivity was first discovered. Some german doctor said it was good for you, and people took to having radium parties, ingesting huge amounts of radium. One American tycoon drank 2 litres a day because he thought it was so good. Needless to say, he died a few years later of severe radiation poisoning.

That is forgivable on its own, but the idiot kept drinking it even after it was discovered to be dangerous

Another, a lawn mower:
"Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is runnning."

Nah, the best one I've heard is on a Swedish-made chainsaw (Husqvarna or some other): "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

Kinda makes you wonder... if this has really happened? :eek:

Your starting to see these sort of things everywhere.

I don't feel sorry for the people who actually struggle to follow this sort instructions.

http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/american-superiority.jpg

I work at a university copy center and some proffesors insist their multiple page handout be run one sided so the students won't get confused. I guess students can't concieve the idea of words on the BACK of a page. :rolleyes:

My favourite one is on a hairdryer: Do not use in the shower.

Its not even so much that somewhere theres someone who doesn't know that water and electricty don't mix, its the idea that someone might be trying to dry their hair under running water

I've actually seen this knife before. It's from Korea or Japan, it's a rather large cooking knife. It says on it "Warning: Keep out of children"

Nah, the best one I've heard is on a Swedish-made chainsaw (Husqvarna or some other): "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

Kinda makes you wonder... if this has really happened? :eek:

That's the scary part, they wouldn't spend the money saying it if someone hadn't tried. Most lawnmowers have a visual representation on them nowdays showing a blade inbedded in a foot. I mean, has this really been a problem? I just cant imagine wanting to put my foot under a running lawnmower, but someone must have thought it was a good idea.

Haha.

I always get a kick when I get a hot coffee from McDonalds that tells me its hot or when I get a plastic bag with my groceries that tells me I can suffocate with it.

I work at a university copy center and some proffesors insist their multiple page handout be run one sided so the students won't get confused. I guess students can't concieve the idea of words on the BACK of a page. :rolleyes:
Profs don't always number their pages so at least that makes some kind of sense.

Silly instructions don't suprize me anymore.
I sell and fix small engines/garden eqp. Often I assemble new equipment and read the instructions so I have some clue about what I'm talking about when I try and sell the stuff.
One piece of eqp had the following statement in the manual.
"If you cannot read these instructions, do not use this equipment"

Another, a lawn mower:
"Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is runnning."
warning on kenner batman toy: "Warning: cape does not enable wearer to fly"

and this is from an irc quote so i will provide the commentary

"and i said of course, everyone knows its SUPERMAN that flys, not batman"

It's like in Douglas Adams' book, "So Long and Thanks for all the Fish." A man sees instructions on a box on toothpicks and is driven "sane."