NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay, I got kicked in the groin a couple hours ago. Still aches. I was at a friend's house and he was calling a coupl other mutual friends. I was pestering him when he was on the phone. Distracting him and dipping my pinky finger into his coffee and licking it. He responds with a swift snap-kick to my 'boys' an proceeds to finish the phone conversation while I lie on his carpet moaning and holding myself. Well, after I recovered, and we were laughing about it, this turned into a conversation on why I get struck in the groin so much more often than usual.

See, I'm 5'9" and a rather muscular 175lbs. I'm in pretty good shape. But most of my friends are over 6 feet and in excess of 200 lbs. I'm the runt. But despite that, every time I get smeared when playing football or rugby by these giants, I always peel myself off the grass, laughing about it. Whenever I get 'accidentally' struck in the groin, I am usually trying to gasp for breath and laugh at the same time. It seems that my tendency to laugh at my own horrific pain has generated an aire of indestructibility around me. My friends think it's okay to obliterate me because I always get up and laugh about it. I never get angry. I always come back for more. This is especially noteworthy when I get struck in the groin. It mystifies my friend how I can laugh about it. Even when I'm rolling on the ground.

I tried to explain to him that It's like I'm my own spectator. I laugh because I can view myself from the third person, and it's funny as hell to me when the little guy gets wrecked. Unfortunately, I'm the little guy. We came to the conclusion that I'm more or less doomed to die young and that t's a good thing I had a kid while I still could.

Am I doomed?

I think you shouldn't expect to have too many children...

Actually, I was quite pleasantly surprised that I had one.

Wtf?

If one of my friends kicked me in the nuts I'd beat the shit out of them.

There are certain questions that must have entered your mind though...

For some really strange reason, I think if we ever met there would be many frantic police sirens soon afterwards.

At least you haven't been shot there with a paintballgun. I witnessed as one of my friends did, It was painfull, yet funny, to watch as he withered on the ground holding himself. But the really funny part came when he stuck his hand down there to see if it wasn't bleeding and it came out all red, turns out it was a red paintball.

I've managed something similar but less... masochistic. I've got all my friends absolutely convinced beyond all doubt that I am too weak to hurt them or drag them around. Now, no matter how many times I *do* hurt them and/or drag them across a room, they'll just resolutely go back to believing I'm too weak to do so. It's either some sort of seriously weird denial, or double-think.

Don't know what practical purpose there is to training your friends to injure you, but I'll just assume it's part of some master plan you aren't sharing.

At least you haven't been shot there with a paintballgun. I witnessed as one of my friends did, It was painfull, yet funny, to watch as he withered on the ground holding himself. But the really funny part came when he stuck his hand down there to see if it wasn't bleeding and it came out all red, turns out it was a red paintball.
That happened to an old friend of mine. It wasn't that funny though. The only funny part was his new nickname, Captain Oneball.

hahaha. This is why Lunatic Goofballs is the man. Props to you.

That happened to an old friend of mine. It wasn't that funny though. The only funny part was his new nickname, Captain Oneball.
we don't give each other much sympathy, especially considering he emptied a 200 round hopper into our backs at point blank.

Wtf?

If one of my friends kicked me in the nuts I'd beat the shit out of them.

Well, make no mistake. I have kicked them too. It's not like I'm just taking punishment and not dishing it out. And they beat the hell out of eachother too. But I'm the one they think can take the most pain. Fun, huh? :(

LG how old are you anyway?

For some really strange reason, I think if we ever met there would be many frantic police sirens soon afterwards.

SOunds fun. :D

we don't give each other much sympathy, especially considering he emptied a 200 round hopper into our backs at point blank.
I can see that, I have friends very much like that. I think the event would have been funny had my friend not had to go to the hospital afterwards.

At least you haven't been shot there with a paintballgun. I witnessed as one of my friends did, It was painfull, yet funny, to watch as he withered on the ground holding himself. But the really funny part came when he stuck his hand down there to see if it wasn't bleeding and it came out all red, turns out it was a red paintball.

Sure I have. I play paintball too. Odd thing is that getting shot in the nuts with a paintball is so inconsistent. Sometimes, you hardly notice and sometimes your day is done early.

LG how old are you anyway?

I just celebrated my 32nd birthday last week. :D

I can see that, I have friends very much like that. I think the event would have been funny had my friend not had to go to the hospital afterwards.
he was lucky iin that it only hit his wang and didn't touch his jewels, so he didn't have to go to the hospital

I just celebrated my 32nd birthday last week. :D
What do you do for a living? I wanna F*** around for the rest of my life!

he was lucky iin that it only hit his wang and didn't touch his jewels, so he didn't have to go to the hospital
In a weird sort of way, that is lucky.

I've been to the hospital twice in regards to my genitals. Once as a freshman in high school, and once in college. Both times, the doctor made the same statement. 'Everything is intact. Though you may or may not suffer from fertility problems in the future. The swelling will go down in due time.'

Sure I have. I play paintball too. Odd thing is that getting shot in the nuts with a paintball is so inconsistent. Sometimes, you hardly notice and sometimes your day is done early.
I still have never played paintball, although I've wanted to for years. If I do I may just wear a cup though :eek:

In a weird sort of way, that is lucky.
at least he didn't have to go to the hospital

SOunds fun. :D

Well......it really depends on your definiton of 'fun.' In certain states they call it 'violent and willful destruction', but I try not to use labels.

What do you do for a living? I wanna F*** around for the rest of my life!

I'm a professional clown.

I also deal blackjack at the local indian casino part-time. It smooths out the bumps in my income(Clown work is always either feast or famine), and I get great health benefits.

I still have never played paintball, although I've wanted to for years. If I do I may just wear a cup though :eek:

Many players do.

I'm a professional clown.

I also deal blackjack at the local indian casino part-time. It smooths out the bumps in my income(Clown work is always either feast or famine), and I get great health benefits.
you sir, are now one of my role models, actually make that the only other one

Well......it really depends on your definiton of 'fun.' In certain states they call it 'violent and willful destruction', but I try not to use labels.

Labels are for the weak. *nod* Besides, they have to catch us to label us.

you sir, are now one of my role models, actually make that the only other one

Learn to guard your crotch. :D

I'm a professional clown.

I also deal blackjack at the local indian casino part-time. It smooths out the bumps in my income(Clown work is always either feast or famine), and I get great health benefits.

The kind of Clown that travels to kids' birthday parties and gets kicked in the crotch by little brats? I admire you.

I just celebrated my 32nd birthday last week. :D

What do you mean by asking whether you are doomed to die young then?

You're already ancient!!!!

;)

I play goalie in Lacrosse.

I have been hit in the nuts with a Lacrosse ball flying at 70 mph, without a cup on. It was the first time I've cried in pain for 4 years. I couldn't walk for another day. Terrible.

The kind of Clown that travels to kids' birthday parties and gets kicked in the crotch by little brats? I admire you.

They don't pay me to get kicked in the crotch. Though it has happened more than once. Kids often have little regard for anatomy. Or do, and don't care.

They don't pay me to get kicked in the crotch. Though it has happened more than once. Kids often have little regard for anatomy. Or do, and don't care.

Or do, and are just incredibly evil.

Personally, I always assume that they know exactly what they're doing, and are just evil buggers.

They're vicious, I agree...next time it happens I say you make him inhale the entire helium tank...

What do you mean by asking whether you are doomed to die young then?

You're already ancient!!!!

;)

Now listen here, you young whippersnapper! When I was your age, we didn't have those fancy 'cups' you kids wear! We had to duct tape a board to our johnsons! *shakes a gnarled finger* And we liked it that way!

I play goalie in Lacrosse.

I have been hit in the nuts with a Lacrosse ball flying at 70 mph, without a cup on. It was the first time I've cried in pain for 4 years. I couldn't walk for another day. Terrible.

Sounds awful. Did anyone get it on tape? :D

Or do, and are just incredibly evil.

Personally, I always assume that they know exactly what they're doing, and are just evil buggers.

Some are. Indeed. Watch out for the tweens-early teens at younger children's parties. If the average age of the party fuests is 6-9 and there's a 12 year old there, beware. There's gonna be trouble in one way shape or form.

Now listen here, you young whippersnapper! When I was your age, we didn't have those fancy 'cups' you kids wear! We had to duct tape a board to our johnsons! *shakes a gnarled finger* And we liked it that way!Ack! you were lucky to have Duct tape... we had to nail ours on and the board wasn't sanded down either.

Undoubtedly it's on America's Funniest home Videos...except that the pain is not worth it because you are put in with all the other hilarious, yet fast-moving sequences of people getting hurt, then lose to some stupid video about a kid that does not want to eat brocolli.

I hate that show. The singing pets always seem to win. :(

There are certain questions that must have entered your mind though...

Like what?

I play goalie in Lacrosse.

I have been hit in the nuts with a Lacrosse ball flying at 70 mph, without a cup on. It was the first time I've cried in pain for 4 years. I couldn't walk for another day. Terrible.
No offense....but isn't it kinda dumb to be playing goalie in lacrosse without a cup?? Very sorry for your pain though.

I say we have a little tribute to damaged testicles...

Personally, I've been kicked a number of times, including one time by a 200 lbs. Asian man who specializes in kicking ass.

I still have never played paintball, although I've wanted to for years. If I do I may just wear a cup though :eek:


I've paintballed quite a bit. It rocks. A friend wore a cup but the cup caused more problems than helped. In fact in over 2 years o playing the only one that almost was hit in the newts was me and that was a miss.
Trick (I found) is to wear baggy pants with another layer (shorts or something) underneath. Also helps to wear real army style fatigues (thicker).

A place to worry more about getting hit - the neck.

Some are. Indeed. Watch out for the tweens-early teens at younger children's parties. If the average age of the party guests is 6-9 and there's a 12 year old there, beware. There's gonna be trouble in one way shape or form.

Hee, it almost sounds like you're suggesting I'd ever go anywhere near a children's party... hehehe

I've paintballed quite a bit. It rocks. A friend wore a cup but the cup caused more problems than helped. In fact in over 2 years o playing the only one that almost was hit in the newts was me and that was a miss.
Trick (I found) is to wear baggy pants with another layer (shorts or something) underneath. Also helps to wear real army style fatigues (thicker).

A place to worry more about getting hit - the neck.
AYE, i've had that one happen, popped my head out from around a tree and POP gurgle gurlge cursing and gurgling at the same time, and falling to the knee's

I'm a professional clown.

I also deal blackjack at the local indian casino part-time. It smooths out the bumps in my income(Clown work is always either feast or famine), and I get great health benefits.

At the rate you're going, you are going to need them.

I've never heard of a testicle transplant, but at this rate, you may need one.

At the rate you're going, you are going to need them.

I've never heard of a testicle transplant, but at this rate, you may need one.

They make fake testicles. *nod* I knew somebody who had one.

Lunatic you have lived an amazing life.

Lunatic you have lived an amazing life.

It's not over yet. Other than the occasional twinge from my bad hip, I'm aging quite nicely. I certainly have fewer permanent injuries than I deserve. Hehehe.

its true laughter does cause pain

its true laughter does cause pain

Your agreement warms my heart. :)

Maybe this explains why I become hysterical whenever I get a cramp in my leg. Is dealing with pain by laughing disturbing, or simply good defense?

Maybe this explains why I become hysterical whenever I get a cramp in my leg. Is dealing with pain by laughing disturbing, or simply good defense?

Depends who hears you. *nod*

They make fake testicles. *nod* I knew somebody who had one.

o.O

o.O

Yep. They kinda looked like that. *nod*

Yep. They kinda looked like that. *nod*

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

. . . .

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Yep. They kinda looked like that. *nod*So he actually showed em to you...

Well, it's true. Now, the last thing I want to do is go into the description of another man's genitals. But since you forced me to...

He had unusually small testicles. His penis seemed to be of average size. Maybe even a bit larger. But he had teeny, tiny little balls. Which might have been part of his downfall. He was on the wrestling team and on the football team in high school. One day, playing high school football, he didn't wear a cup. Forgot it or some thing. Anyhoo, somehow, one of his balls slipped between his thigh and thighpad. He got tackled and... well, there was nowhere for the ball to escape the sudden compression of a sudden impact. Splat. Gone. Anyhoo, he got a fake testicle. It was the talk of the school for quite some time. See, they didn't make fake testicles his size, so he ended up with one nut(the fake) larger than the other. Visibly so.

He got tackled and... well, there was nowhere for the ball to escape the sudden compression of a sudden impact. Splat. Gone.

O.
M.
G.

o_0

My balls hurt just thinking about one of them exploding.....

*shudders*

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/images/smilies/eek.gif

Well, it's true. Now, the last thing I want to do is go into the description of another man's genitals. But since you forced me to...

He had unusually small testicles. His penis seemed to be of average size. Maybe even a bit larger. But he had teeny, tiny little balls. Which might have been part of his downfall. He was on the wrestling team and on the football team in high school. One day, playing high school football, he didn't wear a cup. Forgot it or some thing. Anyhoo, somehow, one of his balls slipped between his thigh and thighpad. He got tackled and... well, there was nowhere for the ball to escape the sudden compression of a sudden impact. Splat. Gone. Anyhoo, he got a fake testicle. It was the talk of the school for quite some time. See, they didn't make fake testicles his size, so he ended up with one nut(the fake) larger than the other. Visibly so.[doubling over in pain right now...]

Every man and many women flinch when I tell that story. *nod*

Every man and many women flinch when I tell that story. *nod*

What does that make me then? *puzzled that that story causes flinching*

What does that make me then? *puzzled that that story causes flinching*

furniture.

I know exactly what you mean. One part of me is in love with the greatest guy in the world, they other half of me pretends to be someone else so I can laugh at how pathetic I am. One side of me believes in love and finds romantic things wonderful. The other side just wants everyone to die and thinks love and all other emotions (excluding hatred) are just signs of weakness. The saddist side of me also thinks romantics things and gestures need to be burnt, dieing chocking on the smell of its own burning flesh.

furniture.

Cool!

*the furniture rises up and hits LG, then fades into the background again*

Mwahahahahahahahaha!

Cool!

*the furniture rises up and hits LG, then fades into the background again*

Mwahahahahahahahaha!

Ow! :(

Strips and varnishes you. :p

Ow! :(

Strips and varnishes you. :p

:eek:

:eek:

Would you rather have been reupholstered?

Would you rather have been reupholstered?

Nah, I think I'm good as it is. Varnish is sticky though...

And hey, you spared me a sanding, so I can't complain.

Or well, I could complain... but it wouldn't be the safest course, I think.

Nah, I think I'm good as it is. Varnish is sticky though...

And hey, you spared me a sanding, so I can't complain.

Or well, I could complain... but it wouldn't be the safest course, I think.

Very wise of you. :D

Actually, I was quite pleasantly surprised that I had one.

Lunatic's got a kid. That could be a bad thing. I'm not quite sure whether for us or the kid though.

J/K You know I like all you guys.

At least you haven't been shot there with a paintballgun. I witnessed as one of my friends did, It was painfull, yet funny, to watch as he withered on the ground holding himself. But the really funny part came when he stuck his hand down there to see if it wasn't bleeding and it came out all red, turns out it was a red paintball.


I got shot in the throat with a paintball gun once, it was not fun.

The problem with that is when you laugh so hard you cant breathe WHILE your rolling around in pain.

The problem with that is when you laugh so hard you cant breathe WHILE your rolling around in pain.

Or when you've had the wind knocked out of you AND your balls smashed. It sounds a lot like you're choking on them. :(

Laughter can hurt. For instance, a friend of mine thought he'd act all tough by giving me an open handed slap in the face. I responded with a kick to the balls (I weighed about 260-280 at the time :D ). He was on the ground clutching them, and I too soon went down laughing. I think he got up before I did.

Now why would you kick in the balls? No honor.

A few days ago a friend and I were holding a little contest to see who could kill the other more (snap neck, cut throat, etc). I saw him running up behind me from the corner of my eye (he made an arc :D) and caught him full in the chest with a back kick. He gasped, cussed a bit, congratulated me on the 'kill' and walked it off. Then he snapped my neck while my back was turned and I was talking to another friend...

In the end I won, and the purpose of my story was to illustrate that not only a kick to the balls makes you gasp for air while laughing.

Now why would you kick in the balls? No honor.

A few days ago a friend and I were holding a little contest to see who could kill the other more (snap neck, cut throat, etc). I saw him running up behind me from the corner of my eye (he made an arc :D) and caught him full in the chest with a back kick. He gasped, cussed a bit, congratulated me on the 'kill' and walked it off. Then he snapped my neck while my back was turned and I was talking to another friend...

In the end I won, and the purpose of my story was to illustrate that not only a kick to the balls makes you gasp for air while laughing.

In the split second after being slapped in the face the first thought that came to mind was to get back at him in a more condescending way.

Also throat stabs and strikes are great ways to 'kill'. :cool:

Well I guess when everybody is fighting like a woman, you might as well join in...

exactly

We came to the conclusion that I'm more or less doomed to die young and that t's a good thing I had a kid while I still could.

Am I doomed?

Just get tested for testicular cancer once every now and then, I think.

:p

Actually, I was quite pleasantly surprised that I had one.
Has it ever occured to you that maybe they're repeatedly kicking you in the groin to ensure you're incapable of ever having another one?
I think it's a point you should raise with your friends next time one of them aims a kick crotch-ward.

Has it ever occured to you that maybe they're repeatedly kicking you in the groin to ensure you're incapable of ever having another one?
I think it's a point you should raise with your friends next time one of them aims a kick crotch-ward.

*realization dawns* Ohh.... it all makes sense now! :eek:

Now why would you kick in the balls? No honor.

A few days ago a friend and I were holding a little contest to see who could kill the other more (snap neck, cut throat, etc). I saw him running up behind me from the corner of my eye (he made an arc :D) and caught him full in the chest with a back kick. He gasped, cussed a bit, congratulated me on the 'kill' and walked it off. Then he snapped my neck while my back was turned and I was talking to another friend...

In the end I won, and the purpose of my story was to illustrate that not only a kick to the balls makes you gasp for air while laughing.

Unless I'm fighting for my life, there's only two body parts I avoid; the neck and the knees.

Yes, that's right. I'll kick someone in the nuts without hesitation, but I won't kick someone in the knees. Let me tell you why; The testicles, are sturdier than people give them credit for. The knees, on the other hand, are a lot more fragile than people think. *nod*