NationStates Jolt Archive

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the"exit delayed."

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot.. You're just "abundantly verbal."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenging."

For the bullies out there:
you weren't hitting him in the face, you were "Actively rearranging his glasses"
you weren't dunking his head in the toilet, you were "Aiding the cleaning faculty"
you weren't giving him a wedgie, you were "Adjusting his undergarments to achieve better comfort"
you weren't kicking him in the groin, you were "Checking for testicular cancer with your boot"

NB/ I do not condone this

I'd suggest these changes. :)

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "above capacity."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely become "socially unavailable."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "avoiding overexertion."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're having a "follicle organization problem."

You don't talk a lot.. You're "conversationally enhanced."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "sharing used paper."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's a "science experiment."

...

[off-topic]
I am the terror that posts in the night! I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares! I am Parratoga!
Were you trained by Darkwing Duck? O_o

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."


Nope. He's "effort-efficient"

Nope. He's "effort-efficient"
"energetically frugal".

--The Jovial States of Cogitation