NationStates Jolt Archive

From my own personal experience on the receiving end after about 2 months of working as one. Feel free to share your own from your work...it's good to bitch about your job.

1. Ask if you can have something for free, then at their refusal, force them to call the manager and then leave before they get there.

2. Have a child who does stupid things like getting its fingers stuck inside a donation tin, or trying to run off with the EFTPOS (credit/bank card) machine and falling flat on their arse when the cord goes taut. Then cause a delay as the child begins to cry and ignore the fact that you actually have to pay for those goods.

3. When the EFTPOS machine lines are down, get flustered and angry at them for having to place your signature on a slip of paper.

4. Ask them to bag every single item seperately, especially if purchasing more than 20 items.

5. Overload their conveyor belt with 20+ bottles of soft drink and burn the motor out.

6. Begin to unload your groceries as normal, then shout "OH!!" and run off. Then don't come back, making them put everything back into your trolley while the queue builds up.

7. Roll your eyes at them for not knowing what the hell a Wombok or Apple Cucumber (there is such a thing) is.

8. Pay for every 10 or so items on a seperate bank card.

9. Ask for $50 cash with your transaction. $50 in coinage, that is.

10. Refuse to adknowledge any "This checkout is closing" sign, and purposefully knock it over while loading your groceries onto the conveyor.

11. When any of the above occurs and you are a customer that has waited for a long time, blame everything on the cashier. Be sure to repeatedly make cliched comments such as "It'll be christmas before I get out of here" "mumble*fuck*mumble" and "Could you move any slower?"

EDIT- Make that 12. Add up the change for them despite the fact it is displayed on a computer monitor in front of them.

I can't wait 'till i finish my degree and get a job where I don't have to deal with people.

13. (This was from when I was working in a phone shop), ask to see a particular model phone [X], ask just about every single question about it, take it to the checkout. Then ask to see another one. Go through the whole prosedure again, just to buy the original one. All whilst the shop is at the busiest time of day on the busiest day of the week.

14. (Similar to above) Ask for the price of the phone. Ask to see the phone, ask every consevable question under the sun from can I ring someone in america to can I launch a missile. Ask for it to be put together so it can be used immediatly after buying. Then wait till you are asked for the money to say you cannot afford it.

15. Know nothing about what you are wanting to buy. Then get annoyed by certain terms you don't understand (like, megapixel or hands-free)

Pay for everything seperately. Good if you're buying lots of things

Or insist on paying for your groceries with some cash, a cheque, your VISA and via the ATM.

Which brings me to the next idea:
If your local supermarket has Swedish rounding - that is rounding down 1 and 2 cents to the 0; 3,4,6,7 to the 5c and 8,9 to 10c (in NZ we don't have pennies any more), then insist on buying everything seperately. By rights, if you take up a bag of 'pic and mix' lollies and buy them seperately, since each one will be less than 5c, they will be free. Try it. And complain bitterly and at length when the Manager tells you can't buy candy like that.
Eventually leave, and then come back a few minutes later with some mushrooms and try again.

from working in a small shop...
1. throw a hissy fit because theres only 3 staff in the shop and you want one of them to serve you a whipped ice cream NOW on a really hot, busy sunday...grrr i hate that
2. refuse to acknowledge that the shop closes at a specific time and knock repeatedly on the closed door while the staff are cleaning up- then say " I'll only be a minute!" and run back 20 mins later with a full trolley...

Pay for everything seperately. Good if you're buying lots of things

See number 8. Uh, have I served you before? :p

Which brings me to the next idea:
If your local supermarket has Swedish rounding - that is rounding down 1 and 2 cents to the 0; 3,4,6,7 to the 5c and 8,9 to 10c (in NZ we don't have pennies any more), then insist on buying everything seperately. By rights, if you take up a bag of 'pic and mix' lollies and buy them seperately, since each one will be less than 5c, they will be free. Try it. And complain bitterly and at length when the Manager tells you can't buy candy like that.
Eventually leave, and then come back a few minutes later with some mushrooms and try again.

You sir, are a cruel bastard. :p


2. refuse to acknowledge that the shop closes at a specific time and knock repeatedly on the closed door while the staff are cleaning up- then say " I'll only be a minute!" and run back 20 mins later with a full trolley...

Had that happen to me tonight actually. I had to finish my shift at 12:20AM because of it.

making them put everything back into your trolley while the queue builds up.

7. Roll your eyes at them for not knowing what the hell a Wombok or Apple Cucumber (there is such a thing) is.

Hehe... you so 'Strailian. English speaking country my arse. And will somebody please translate Waltzing Matilta into something Americans can understand???

Oh and yeah, supermarket cashiers. And what not.

Had that happen to me tonight actually. I had to finish my shift at 12:20AM because of it.[/QUOTE]

ya, its unfair...and even if you refuse to look at them they'll keep knocking...i'm from a village so you know everyone, and they get odd with you if you don't serve them, even though you were supposed to be home half an hour ago!!

Talk at length with the smarmiest salesman there (and it will be a he who's smarmiest) show huge interest in a very expensive product and see how many truly dreadful jokes ('Hands free? but I want to keep my hands! ha ha!') you can get him to laugh at. He will cause he thinks you going to spend a fortune.
Once he's written out the agreement et al stare at him for a few minutes blankly - he'll smile, laugh nervously and then start looking worried. Just before he gets up, say very loudly 'I don't like you. You're not my friend' and then leave the shop.

When buying a computer, insist on knowing whether you can download porn with it. Ask to see the manager and demand him (or her) to demonstrate that you can. If s/he does, look shocked and say 'ohh...I just remembered it wasn't porn, it was email I wanted. Email.' Look at the screen and say very loudly: 'Oh my God, that's truly disgusting! Why do you know of these sites?'

Everyone I used to deal with were pathological liars.

So really I was always pissed off.

Things that piss off the guy who makes your food at a fast food place (me):

1. Wait until the busiest time of the day, then cause a backup by ordering twenty burgers in the drive-thru.

2. After you get your order, come back to the counter, complain that it isn't what you ordered, and ask for a new one. Repeat five times.

3. Similar to above, eat the order you got, then go to the counter and ask for another for free because the first one wasn't what you ordered.

4. Ask for something that isn't on the menu, then get bitchy when your told you won't get what you want. Make sure to ignore the fact that fast-food places don't have steak/sushi/whatever the hell you think you can get at a fast-food place.

Talk at length with the smarmiest salesman there (and it will be a an who's smarmiest) show huge interest in a very expensive product and see how many truly dreadful jokes ('Hands free? but I want to keep my hands! ha ha!') you can get him to laugh at. He will cause he thinks you going to spend a fortune.
Once he's written out the agreement et al stare at him for a few minutes blankly - he'll smile, laugh nervously and then start looking worried. Just before he gets up, say very loudly 'I don't like you. You're not my friend' and then leave the shop.

When buying a computer, insist on knowing whether you can download porn with it. Ask to see the manager and demand him (or her) to demonstrate that you can. If s/he does, look shocked and say 'ohh...I just remembered it wasn't porn, it was email I wanted. Email.' Look at the screen and say very loudly: 'Oh my God, that's truly disgusting! Why do you know of these sites?'

Brilliant. That made me burst out laughing. Thanks for that :D

See number 8. Uh, have I served you before? :p
Ahh, but you said pay for every 10 items on a seperate bank card. I said pay for each individual item!


Here's another one:
Go to the express '10 items or less' checkout with 5 dozen beer, 20 bags of crisps, 3 blocks of chocolate, a couple of bottles of wine and a dozen bottles of soda. Argue that it's really only 5 items.
Do with lots of different vegetables and fruit if you're not into alcohol. You can say it's only two items (fruit, vegetables)

Or my all-time favourite - stand there looking blankly into space while waiting in line and then, and only then, when the cashier tells you the amount do you start searching thru your bags and pockets for the EXACT change.

This reminds me of the best bit of time-wasting I have ever seen. I was in a supermarket buying a chocolate bar. I go towards the checkouts. Lines miles long. I spy one down the end with only an old couple nearly finishing. I quickly rush towards it, congradulating myself on the luck to see this. Unfortunately the inverse law of supermarket checkout queues ('the shorter the queue the longer you'll wait') came into effect in an immensely breath-taking way.
The cashier told the old couple the bill, and the woman got her chequebook out and started writing. She finished and was asked for ID. Minutes searching. No ID. 'I have a customer card!'. 'That'll be fine'. More minutes searching. 'Ohh, I must have left it at home'. Manager called - more minutes. Huge queue behind me, so I couldn't get out. Old woman asks if she can use the phone to call her daughter to get the card. Off she goes with the Manager. Old man apologises to the cashier - not to me -and starts chatting to the Cashier. I think about leaving the chocolate there, but by this time decide I really need it. Cashier can't put my stuff through til theirs is paid for. I can't turn round and leave due to the backlog behind me.
After another few minutes, where I can see the old woman on the phone in the Manager's office (about 20 minutes by now - the whole time the old man's been talking to the cashier). The old man suddenly says 'I suppose I could pay for it' and pulls out a wad of money from his back pocket - at least $500 in 20s and 50s (and I think a couple of hundreds thrown in for good measure) and pays for the $60 worth of groceries and leaves.
It was truly breath-taking in their ability to totally waste so much of so many ppls time. Almost beautiful.
I came to the conclusion that they're very lonely and do this often. Probably take turns as to the one 'paying' and one waiting. Allows the one waiting the chance to talk to someone for 20 minutes. I can't see any other reason for their behaviour.

Ahh, but you said pay for every 10 items on a seperate bank card. I said pay for each individual item!

lol. evil.

Go to the express '10 items or less' checkout with 5 dozen beer, 20 bags of crisps, 3 blocks of chocolate, a couple of bottles of wine and a dozen bottles of soda. Argue that it's really only 5 items.
Do with lots of different vegetables and fruit if you're not into alcohol. You can say it's only two items (fruit, vegetables)

Oh, no-one follows the 10 items rule. We have people come through with trolleys. Standard policy is to serve them to avoid making a fuss, because people get really shitty if you say something.


After the old people incident, I hope you didn't take it out on the cashier. A lot do. :p

Waitressing- Now I work at a really nice restaurant, so people act a little better....

1. I HATE it when guys try and put my tip in my apron, as if I'm a stripper
2. It frustrates me when I erase a dessert off the board and then someone (who watched me erase it) says "Do you have any more ______ ?" (What makes it even worse is when they say "Well could you check in the back and see if you have some?")
3. Families who let their kids walk around, and get in our way
4. Asking for 3 different types of salad dressing, one on the side, one on the salad, and one to use later
5. When people complain to me about the food, as if I cooked it

Nursely Duties-
1. When parents have no control over their children, which ends up in bruises for me from feet and hands being kicked and thrown around
2. When people say "Well you're just in medical school". As if THEY know more because they're out of school, or older
3. Being hit on by guys who are in the hospital for STD screening, or who are being treated for STD's
4. General rudeness towards me because they're in a bad mood, even though I'm trying to help
5. Men who look down on me because I'm a woman.

I'm sure there are more, perhaps I'll write more later :)

Some ways to piss off an inbound call center representative:

1. Call in and yell and scream at him even if he's not the rep who tried to ship your son's linens to Canada even though your company DOESN'T ship outside the United States.
2. Insist on speaking to the manager without giving the representative a chance to find out what the problem was that made you call in the first place.
3. Get an attitude with the rep who is trying to figure out what the problem is so that he can tell the manager who will then know what to do about your problem.
4. Insist on paying with American Express when the company only takes Visa or MasterCard. Throw a hissy fit when you're told you can't.

After the old people incident, I hope you didn't take it out on the cashier. A lot do. :p
Of course not - I feel their job is difficult enough already considering the shit wages they get without blaming them for every pathetic attention-hungry oap'er who wanders away from the 'Happy Valley retirement home for the terminally bewildered' and decides to pop in for a chat.
Anyway I could see the boredom and frustration etched on her face. I think it was close to her knocking off time but she had to stay there and wait.


I just noticed, your thread title said: 'Add your own job too' so I will.

To really piss off a Teacher, try to write down everything they say and ask them to spell out most of the words. When they do, only retain two or three letters and write slowly (eg "'d-e-c', now what? '-i-m', and, and? '-a-l'"). If the teacher says the whole word get confused and start again at the beginning. Also occasionally mishear their spelling:
"'l-a-t-'",
"'No,No, I said 'R, not 'L', 'R'",
"'R?' so it's 'l-a-r?'",
"NO! R-A-T-I-O!!" ,
"'l-a-...'"
Act really desperate to know, so they don't realise you're taking the piss and get quite upset if they move on quickly, ignore you or accuse you of trying to wind them up delibrately.

Hmm, closest thing to a job for me is high-school student, so:

1. Give an end-of-term assignment with a reasonable amount of time, say two weeks. Let everybody finish the main part of it. Then, on the last day of class before grades are due into the computer, when most people are scrambling to finish OTHER work and some people have been hanging around bored for a few days thinking there's nothing left to do, spring two new requirements onto the assignment that nobody knew about. Oh, and be sure to do this to a class of FRESHMEN.

2. Hyper-organize yourself, your classroom, and the students. Give them, to fill out, a calender, an assignment sheet that includes all group discussions and everything else possible with due dates, finished dates, and scores, and two folders each with similar but distinct purposes. Give them a packet of information to take home to their parents, then have them print out the exact same packet for themselves off of your website. If they're late to class, hold them at break. Insist that they take notes in a very specific, visual way even if they understand a regular list better.

3. On the first day of French, speak Bambura and have them try to learn that before getting to actual French. Repeat each term for the new students, but make everyone write it down, even the old students who know it has nothing to do with French.

I'll be back with more later... I gotta go to school now.

1) Not reading coupons and sales ads. They have fine print for a reason.

2) When an item won't scan or doesn't have a pricecode on it making the joke, "Well I guess it's free then."

3) Women buying tools for their husbands and all they know is he wants a drill or a saw. When you ask what kind the answer is, "The kind to use around the house."

4) When there's a line of five people behind you go searching for exact change after handing the cashier a 20. And keep searching for a while repeating, "I know I've got a nickel here somewhere."

5) Ask for a very large item that already has a handle built into it to be bagged.

6) Try to return a brand of saw that hasn't been sold for 10 years without a receipt that is clearly well used and had the crap beaten out of it stating, "I just bought it last year, or maybe the year before, it should be under warranty."

7) Believe everything Craftmas sells is under Lifetime warranty when it's only hand tools, not your power sander. And no the 2 mm thick drill bit that you probably used to try and pry open a jar with doesn't qualify either.

8) Raise a fuss because our particular Sears store doesn't carry a tire center as if we can suddenly attach another 100 square feet of space to the mall to make room for it.

9) Claim you found an item on a rack marked at a lower price than the one the register scans. When we walk back find that no, they were just reading the wrong sign. Imagine that.

10) Buy a hundred dollars worth of items with one item being worth $95. Use a 5 dollar coupon when purchasing that's only good for purchases over $50. Later return the $95 dollar item and demand the full $95 and get pissed when I won't give it to you.

11) Switch out items and tags to try and return a 10 dollar blanket as a 50 dollar quilt or a regular socket as an impact one. Claim it was an honest mistake when I call you on it.

12) Get into shouting arguments with parents who you think are tugging on their child's arm to roughly. Actually do do this one, I wanted them to get into a fistfight cause it would have been amusing as hell for me.

13) Demand money back for a gift card your brother sent you cause you can't find anything you want even though it clearly says "Not refundable for cash." Threaten to sue because you know we can't do that.

14) Bring up a huge cartful of clothing to the tools cashwrap. Ask to keep the hangers on everything cause that makes bagging real easy.

this thread is very very god-like. And to add to the fun of it, the cashiers at the supermarket are typically the high-school-jock type of folk. The kind who helped to make so many people's lives hell because so many people didn't play football.

There were a ton of instances of idiocy by customers but most of them I forget, because after 5 years of taking that kind of bull you don't care anymore. If I get angry and raise my voice at them, I lost. I think the customer's objective is to tick me off anyways, so I make it my mission to remain calm. This regular poker face I get when they are shouting at me get's spit out the question. Are you new here? Even after 4 years of taking this kind of idiocy I just say yes. That way they can shutup and not complain to the manager that they thier problem is thier own.

I had one incident where my register line was super long and this person gave me $100 bill for a $5 purchase. The Cash management people wouldn't respond to my flashing light so I close the register and run to the podium where one is standing. I give her the 100 and she's busy with another transaction. Meanwhile this old overwieight woman is asking for something I don't know where it is and I tell her, "I don't know it's not my department, get someone else from that department, I am running the register now." She said, "You're not doing anything now." I said I am waiting for my change and I goto get back. The lady says, "I'm going to report you to the manager because you don't know what you are doing." At that I just wanted to deck her flat on the ground or quit my stupid job. She started shouting at me as I recieved the change and ran away back to my register with the long line. While I was in the process of running back to my register she told the CSM that, "I should be fired for not doing anything and that I was lazy." The irony of here stupid idiotic ignorant statement. I do absolutely everything in the entire store. I just don't have time to divide into clones and help her find something I don't know what she's talking about and waste 10 other people's time.

I had other idiotic statements, like "You don't know how to do your job, why is your department a mess." Um, because I run the register, push carts, pull freight, unload trucks and other things the managers make me do besides my department." That's what I thought but I didn't say. I just said, "Have, a nice day."

Every time they tell me I don't know how to do my job when sweat is pouring down from my face I think of this and just blankly stare at them while they go on thier powertrip.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt
"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

Of course not - I feel their job is difficult enough already considering the shit wages they get without blaming them for every pathetic attention-hungry oap'er who wanders away from the 'Happy Valley retirement home for the terminally bewildered' and decides to pop in for a chat.

Good on you. I'm fortunate enough to work with a company that pays decent wages though, *and* I get penalty rates after certain times. So working and putting up with ridiculous crap is actually worth the time at the end of the week (when I get my pay, that is). I can pull off $100 in a single day with no problems, and this time of year I do that several days a week. The union has the company by the balls, can't complain :D

this thread is very very god-like. And to add to the fun of it, the cashiers at the supermarket are typically the high-school-jock type of folk. The kind who helped to make so many people's lives hell because so many people didn't play football.

Not true, at least where I live. Three quarters of cashiers would be students (university and high school), the rest older women. The people who stack shelves, push trolleys and do night-fill are the jocks. :p


2) When an item won't scan or doesn't have a pricecode on it making the joke, "Well I guess it's free then."

*groan* I've lost count of the amount of times that's happened...

I like to give a sarcastic smile and look them in the eye as I key in the barcode number. Heh heh heh.

Subterfuges- I guess we're one of the few kinds of people that arrogant bastards with no lives feel greater than. I gain great satisfaction in knowing that they probably go home and cry themselves to sleep at night. :p

I spent nearly two years working weekends and some odd days as a barman.

Here's how not to go about getting served...

1) Shout "Yo mate!" and wave a £50 note in the air. Means it'll take that extra little bit longer counting out the change. And am I going to get any of it back as a tip? Ha!

2) Smoke at the bar. It's bad enough going home stinking like a kipper, I don't want you breathing the stuff directly at me. *Especially* if it's stuff about which I'm technically supposed to call the police.

3) A group of people sending up the tartiest woman of the lot up to the bar, under the impression that'll get them their round faster. You think I'm going to fall for that? One, drunkeness is very unappealing in a woman, two, just for patronising me like that, you get skipped a turn.

4) Mixer drinks. Beer out of the bottle or out of the tap is fine, so are straight spirits, but WTF is the tomato juice and drop of tobasco sauce for? Nothing more stressful than a dozen yuppies wanting pretentious drinks. And STILL no tip.

5) Small talk. How long I've been working there and whether I enjoy it, is fine. Leering at the women waiting to be served and loudly asking "Fit birds in here or what?" is not. How the f--- am I supposed to answer that? "Yeah!" - totally unprofessional. "Nah..." - no tip for the next half hour. "I couldn't possibly say, sir." - Sounds like I'm gay.

6) Pay for a large round in small change. Walk off while I'm still counting it, before I discover I'm a quid short.

7) Pay for a large round, with the order split between two or more people, using large-denomination banknotes. Have a conversation about the slowness of the service while I'm rooting through the reserve cash bags.

8) While various forms of the above are in progress, request the music CD to be changed.

9) No! DON'T VOMIT! Aaargh...!

10) Walk up to the bar with an expression of disgust on your face, pointing your thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the toilets.

From my own personal experience on the receiving end after about 2 months of working as one. Feel free to share your own from your work...it's good to bitch about your job.

1. Ask if you can have something for free, then at their refusal, force them to call the manager and then leave before they get there.

2. Have a child who does stupid things like getting its fingers stuck inside a donation tin, or trying to run off with the EFTPOS (credit/bank card) machine and falling flat on their arse when the cord goes taut. Then cause a delay as the child begins to cry and ignore the fact that you actually have to pay for those goods.

3. When the EFTPOS machine lines are down, get flustered and angry at them for having to place your signature on a slip of paper.

4. Ask them to bag every single item seperately, especially if purchasing more than 20 items.

5. Overload their conveyor belt with 20+ bottles of soft drink and burn the motor out.

6. Begin to unload your groceries as normal, then shout "OH!!" and run off. Then don't come back, making them put everything back into your trolley while the queue builds up.

7. Roll your eyes at them for not knowing what the hell a Wombok or Apple Cucumber (there is such a thing) is.

8. Pay for every 10 or so items on a seperate bank card.

9. Ask for $50 cash with your transaction. $50 in coinage, that is.

10. Refuse to adknowledge any "This checkout is closing" sign, and purposefully knock it over while loading your groceries onto the conveyor.

11. When any of the above occurs and you are a customer that has waited for a long time, blame everything on the cashier. Be sure to repeatedly make cliched comments such as "It'll be christmas before I get out of here" "mumble*fuck*mumble" and "Could you move any slower?"

EDIT- Make that 12. Add up the change for them despite the fact it is displayed on a computer monitor in front of them.

I can't wait 'till i finish my degree and get a job where I don't have to deal with people.


Checkout people at grociers are usally fucking morons, thats why i hold them with GREAT disdain...

What you cant checkout one more fucking person before you suddenly close?

How am I supposed to know you swipe the visa backwards? bitch

YA my stupid shopping card is RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE! Dont bark at me for it...

WOW eggs under cans of soup :gundge:

Yep... I'm a fulltime student (computer systems tech) and I'm stuck with the wonderful job of being an over-gloried baby-sitter, or TA (also known as Lab Monitor/Assistant).


Make sure you wait till the worse possible time to ask me for help - right when I already have a queue of ten people getting impatient
Call me over by saying, "Hey, lab monitor, I need help!"
Asking me to help you with your gen-ed homework (elective course crap)...
Telling me the printer is out of paper when I'm trying to fix the other printer. I have better things to worry about
Whining because you can't get your wireless card to work
Expecting me to not only help, but to do your fucking INT120 homework
Whining when I make a mistake when I'm correcting your fucked up script...
Not thanking me after I make that dogshit of a script of your work
Mouthing back when I ask you not to play games, eat or drink in the Learning Centre
Take up two computers
Complain when I say we don't have Window 2000 Pro
Whine because I don't have a floppy to lend you
Remove your harddrive from the drive-bay but forget to turn teh switch so the computer will boot up to the drive and then whine because the compuiter is broken
Bitch at me because you forgot your harddrive and I don't know what you're talking about because I just started my shift, then get uppity because I don't know where it is...

I wait in a meat only restraunt.

1) Some comes in with some kids, they demand fish fingers and chips for the kids and the vegtarian menu for them. I say we don't do Fish Fin gers and Chips, and there is no vegtarian menu. They begin to argue saying that we said out side we have a vegtarian menu. I go outside and cheak. It dosn't. They claim that we must do because we do vegtarian mushroom soup. I say they can have that. The kids then start balling and demanding anything but what we have on the menu.

(Do you do chicken nugets? No heres the menu. *Looks at menu* (Do you do sausages? Is it on the menu, no. Ect.)

Then when I finally have them sat down and satisfied, they start getting angry at the size of the portions, I tell them it's a starter, they disagree and say they ordered it as a main course.

And when there finally done, one of them takes out a calculator and adds up the bill, 3 times over. Finally satisfied, i ask for the money, she gives me a credit card WITH NO CREDIT ON IT. Then she gives me andother and another. Finally after 12 cards with no credit on them we finally get one with crdit. Then they ask for puddings, only after that, this was at 12:00, the restraunt closes at 11:00. I threw them out.

2) When they give you a meat dish say it's too raw, or too well done. Repeat this act around 8 or 9 times, and refuse to pay due to poor service.

WOW tons of whiny bitchy people on here.

I too had crappy jobs while going to school.

HERES A IDEA GET A NEW JOB YOU IDIOTS!!

WOW tons of whiny bitchy people on here.

I too had crappy jobs while going to school.

HERES A IDEA GET A NEW JOB YOU IDIOTS!!
Yeah, well my current job is toasting people like you. It's non-paying, but I do get a sadistic sense of satisfaction from it, like all petty bureaucrats everywhere.

:p

WOW tons of whiny bitchy people on here.

I too had crappy jobs while going to school.

HERES A IDEA GET A NEW JOB YOU IDIOTS!!
I will after I do my co-op academic term.

My current job is merely for experience. It's the first job in the computer field for me.

People are suck morons. Heres some of the nice jobs I have had:

- rendering plant
- bouncer
- fast food ~ MC DICs burger King
- various labour jobs

When one annoyed me I QUIT!!!!

It seems like people in retail, specially younger ones think people have a duty to be nice to you. They dont you work in retail knucklehead...

Boss treating you poorly? QUIT STUPID :eek:
Dont like dealing with customers? GET A JOB WHERE U DONT HAVE TO :eek:

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

"I couldn't possibly say, sir." - Sounds like I'm gay.

Try winking at them when you say that. You may not be bothered by them again.

Actually, have to come clean. Did you you get many tips working the bar? Because it has never been something that enters my head (but then again I am a cheap layabout student :p )

I would average £1 in tips per hour, £2-3 per hour on big sporting event days. Doesn't sound like much, but when the basic pay is £4.20 per hour, it's actually pretty good. The day England beat Germany 5-1 or whatever the score was, I made as much in tips as pay.

Trendy student bars without a repeat clientele don't have tip jars, but this was a locals' pub, so it was generally accepted as being the nice thing to do.

LOL @ the mock gay thing, never entered my head.

I never go to 'trendy student bars' and have never seen a tip jar (not at bars/clubs/whatever anyway). But then again I have never had bar work and for some reason am attracted to really cheap dives (I keep on saying that they have a better atmosphere but no one seems to believe me).
About the gaity, always works.

Ways to piss off a telemarketer:

(yes, I was a telemarketer about 3 years ago I'm ashamed to admit...I sold long distance service and it still haunts me)

1. Say that you don't have a phone. Believe me, this isn't funny. It wasn't funny the first time I heard it and it's not funny the 4,893,058,904th time either.

2. Let the telemarketer get through their entire speech and ask questions and say things like "wow that sounds really great" and get their hopes up thinking they are going to make a sale and then say "but I don't ever call long distance"

3. Sometimes my supervisor would give us incentive to make a sale by saying something like '1 more sale and you can leave'...so if you suspect that some sort of contest like that is going on make sure you talk on the phone a REALLY REALLY long time -OR- if it is late in the day (like right before 9:00 since it is against FCC regulations to call after 9pm) make sure to stay on the phone FOREVER! Talk about your nephew, your dog, what you are watching on TV, what you ate that day, any bowel movements you had, etc. The telemarketer is not supposed to hang up!

4. Have contests with your friends and neighbors to see how many telemarketers you can offend/bore to the point where they hang up.

Well, I agree there appears to be a general decline in considration happening across the world. And I thought stupidity was just on the rise in the US...

That being said, tough noogies. For the most part, we all have things we don't like about our jobs. Only the luckiest of us would continue to do what we do if someone didn't pay us to do it. And far and away the most irritating thing about any job where you're in contact with the public is.....wait for it...PEOPLE! Complaining about that is kinda like complaining about water being wet.

Now, pointing out the absurd element that makes up part of our society has some humor value, but don't expect sympathy. And don't expect it to change.

Just an observation - if you look at the one theme that is common to all of these gripes (most of them, anyway), it is "lack of consideration." I don't think any of us would get mad at someone who just didn't have the sheer mental horsepower to figure something out. We only get mad when we see someone who just plain old doesn't give a rat's ass about the people around them.

That being said, let who among you who is without sin cast the first stone - if you gripe about these people when you have to put up with it, and then go behave in similar inconsiderate ways, then you're as much an ass as they are. Think about it.

I'm a service clerk (push buggies, do carryouts, etc.).

X: People who don't realize the store closed at 8:00 (it's 8:30) and who insist on me getting the security guard to open the doors (even though there is a big bullet-proof glass roll-out wall behind it) so they can go in.

Y: People who will randomly take a buggie from the side of the building (at close they have to be taken out of a little place to get them to the side of the building) then take it, look at all 3 entrances, trying to get in (obviously failing to realize that they're ALL closed) then leaving the buggie in the farthest corrale which I emptied half an hour ago!

Z: People who leave their empty buggies in parking spaces instead of walking the (+-) 5 metres to the coralle, I assume expecting me to get them.

Having never actually worked a job, being quite young, I can't really complain, but there are people in checkout lines who should be killed to improve the gene pool.

One time I was making macaroni, and realized I didn't have milk. Simpsons was starting in ten minutes, so I hailed my sister, and she drove me to the local grocery store (about one minute away) I ran to the dairy, and to the express line, right behind a slow man. First, his stuff wouldn't scan. There were three price checks. Then, none of the five credit cards he had worked. Eventually he reached in his wallet and pulled out cash. After buying my milk (10 seconds) I went outside, and killed him :sniper: The macaroni was very yummy.

As a kind of inverse "how to piss of..." I will now relate to you a story a friend told me when he was a salesman for JJB sport.

Old lady comes in asking for a Man Utd strip for her grandson (for his birthday). However, my friend persuaded her to buy a Liverpool strip (being a Liverpool fan) due to buzzwords like "build quality," "shelf life etc," so some poor sod got a Livepool team strip for his birthday :D

Things that frustrate a clown:

1) Mothers who drag their kicking and screaming clown-hating children toward me, digging divots into their lawn as they try desperately to keep away from the 'scary clown'.

2) Kids who accidentally bop the clown in the groin.

3) Kids who intentionally bop the clown in the groin.

4) A group of fifteen kids who each want a close-up view of the same magic trick. ...twice.

5) Pukers.

6) Parents who don't stop their kids from throwing cake but scold me for throwing some back.

7) Nose thiefs.

8) Tiny little dogs with sharp teeth that get nervous when the clown juggles stuff.

9) Older kids at younger kids' partes that can dish out the verbal abuse in mounds, but can't take a few caustic jabs back.

10) 2 ounce dixie-cups! GAH!!! I HATE 2-ounce Dixie-cups!!! ARGH!!!

What are 2 ounce dixie cups? And what makes them so much more annoying than being bopped in the groin?

What are 2 ounce dixie cups? And what makes them so much more annoying than being bopped in the groin?

2 ounce dixie-cups are the teeny little shot glass sized paper cups that parents always seem to buy for their kid's parties. Then when you want a beverage, all they have are these tiny little cups that barely hold a mouthful at a time.

I'm kind of used to getting struck in the groin. It seems to be an ongoing pattern in my life. But dammit! When I want a beverage, I want a frickin' beverage!

7) Nose thiefs.

You had two people in the same roome laughing from that one

Ways to piss off a telemarketer:

(yes, I was a telemarketer about 3 years ago I'm ashamed to admit...I sold long distance service and it still haunts me)

1. Say that you don't have a phone. Believe me, this isn't funny. It wasn't funny the first time I heard it and it's not funny the 4,893,058,904th time either.

2. Let the telemarketer get through their entire speech and ask questions and say things like "wow that sounds really great" and get their hopes up thinking they are going to make a sale and then say "but I don't ever call long distance"

3. Sometimes my supervisor would give us incentive to make a sale by saying something like '1 more sale and you can leave'...so if you suspect that some sort of contest like that is going on make sure you talk on the phone a REALLY REALLY long time -OR- if it is late in the day (like right before 9:00 since it is against FCC regulations to call after 9pm) make sure to stay on the phone FOREVER! Talk about your nephew, your dog, what you are watching on TV, what you ate that day, any bowel movements you had, etc. The telemarketer is not supposed to hang up!

4. Have contests with your friends and neighbors to see how many telemarketers you can offend/bore to the point where they hang up.


scream in the person's ear saying DIE PARASITE!!!! and hang up

Things that frustrate a clown:

1) Mothers who drag their kicking and screaming clown-hating children toward me, digging divots into their lawn as they try desperately to keep away from the 'scary clown'.

2) Kids who accidentally bop the clown in the groin.

3) Kids who intentionally bop the clown in the groin.

4) A group of fifteen kids who each want a close-up view of the same magic trick. ...twice.

5) Pukers.

6) Parents who don't stop their kids from throwing cake but scold me for throwing some back.

7) Nose thiefs.

8) Tiny little dogs with sharp teeth that get nervous when the clown juggles stuff.

9) Older kids at younger kids' partes that can dish out the verbal abuse in mounds, but can't take a few caustic jabs back.

10) 2 ounce dixie-cups! GAH!!! I HATE 2-ounce Dixie-cups!!! ARGH!!!
I was a character performer (a clown that shirks some copywright laws), so I'll add-

10)Hiring the clown for your one year-olds birthday. He doesn't watch the Ninja Turtles, he doesn't know who or what I am. There are only two reactions: "Huh, never seen that before, but I saw my first bird not to long ago, so I guess this is just another one of those things." or Sheer terror. Keep in mind that if you put the kid in the Ninja Turtle's arms all the child will see is the enormous grin, giving the illusion that the Ninja Turtle is about to eat the child.

11) Hire a Ninja Turtle and then complain when you make balloon ninja weapons.

12) Decide that Uncle Larry would be just as good, but don't bother cancelling. When Uncle Larry shows up in green sweats and a kiddie pool strapped to his back encourage a fight.

13) Be an adult who encourages the Ninja Turtle to do a flip.

People are suck morons. Heres some of the nice jobs I have had:

- rendering plant
- bouncer
- fast food ~ MC DICs burger King
- various labour jobs

When one annoyed me I QUIT!!!!

It seems like people in retail, specially younger ones think people have a duty to be nice to you. They dont you work in retail knucklehead...

Boss treating you poorly? QUIT STUPID :eek:
Dont like dealing with customers? GET A JOB WHERE U DONT HAVE TO :eek:

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
I find solace in the assumption that you, sir, have eaten a lot of other people's spit.

It's fucktards like yourself that make suck jobs suck, and I hope that all of your interactions with the people who are unfortunate enough to serve you are little frustrations that bring you closer and closer to a minor yet painful heart-attack.

No, people aren't obligied to be nice to retail employees, we do hope that you'd do it out of a sense of human decency. After all, you are equally not under any obligation to be a giant fuckmonkey asshole either. Out of some glimmering, albiet tiny, spark of consideration for your fellow human beings we would hope that you might, just might, treat us like a fellow human being. That you wouldn't take out your feelings of inadaquicies on someone who is just trying to earn barely enough to get by and not forcing them to quit because you have some overwhelming need to be an asshole.

But, since you seem to think it is your god-given right to make other peoples lives more difficult then we reserve the right to, in our own little way, make yours suck. Because you of all people truly deserve it. "Have a shitty day and feel free to take your crappy business elsewhere."

Ah, yes. The flip. The acrobatic clown myth. How well I know it. Fortunatley, landing awkwardly is very funny. Heh.

:headbang: This has nothing to do with being a cahier, but I hate it when customers think they're the only people on earth and you were put here to cater to their every need. It's christmas season, and as if I don't have enough crap to do, they expect me to drop everything I'm doing then, to go do their order while they wait. Please! these people need to get real!!!

CASHIER, sorry

Ah, yes. The flip. The acrobatic clown myth. How well I know it. Fortunatley, landing awkwardly is very funny. Heh.
As a character, flips where just out. Even if I could do one, I couldn't in that costume (christ, I can barely see...) so we had 'stock excuses' why we couldn't flip. But during a walk around, after a bit of the heat exhaustion, I decided I'd flip. Announcing this stunned my partner who dropped his 'turtle voice' to say, "What?" "They want to see me flip, I'll flip. Ready? One, two, thr-WAAAWOOOWAAAWOOPWOOPWOOPWAAAHHOOOOOHOOOOHOOOOHOO! SNAKESSNAKESSNAKES!!!! Ah...there, I flipped."

It amussed us.....

Things that frustrate a clown:

1) Mothers who drag their kicking and screaming clown-hating children toward me, digging divots into their lawn as they try desperately to keep away from the 'scary clown'.

2) Kids who accidentally bop the clown in the groin.

3) Kids who intentionally bop the clown in the groin.

4) A group of fifteen kids who each want a close-up view of the same magic trick. ...twice.

5) Pukers.

6) Parents who don't stop their kids from throwing cake but scold me for throwing some back.

7) Nose thiefs.

8) Tiny little dogs with sharp teeth that get nervous when the clown juggles stuff.

9) Older kids at younger kids' partes that can dish out the verbal abuse in mounds, but can't take a few caustic jabs back.

10) 2 ounce dixie-cups! GAH!!! I HATE 2-ounce Dixie-cups!!! ARGH!!!
Do you get danger pay?

People are suck morons. Heres some of the nice jobs I have had:

- rendering plant
- bouncer
- fast food ~ MC DICs burger King
- various labour jobs

When one annoyed me I QUIT!!!!

It seems like people in retail, specially younger ones think people have a duty to be nice to you. They dont you work in retail knucklehead...

Boss treating you poorly? QUIT STUPID :eek:
Dont like dealing with customers? GET A JOB WHERE U DONT HAVE TO :eek:

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

You make it seem like jobs just fall from the sky.

3. Being hit on by guys who are in the hospital for STD screening, or who are being treated for STD's
LOL!!!!!!


That is truly impressive.

I pushed carts and cashiered,worked in the mens department, but now I work night-shift doing freight.

15) when you work in the mens department, and a guy comes over from the shoe department and says " I cannot find anyone over there, can you come help me with (insert shoe sales term)", and then when you know NOTHING about shoes at all, yells at you and says it your fault, and youre an a-hole, and complains to the manager. Then the manager promotes you two weeks later, because you have such "great customer relations skills, and great potential".

Y'all should be nice to the employees, if you want them to ever help you.

You make it seem like jobs just fall from the sky.
You mean they don't? Oh wait...

Do you get danger pay?

Yes. Ice cream. :D

Ways to piss off a telemarketer:

(yes, I was a telemarketer about 3 years ago I'm ashamed to admit...I sold long distance service and it still haunts me)

1. Say that you don't have a phone. Believe me, this isn't funny. It wasn't funny the first time I heard it and it's not funny the 4,893,058,904th time either.

2. Let the telemarketer get through their entire speech and ask questions and say things like "wow that sounds really great" and get their hopes up thinking they are going to make a sale and then say "but I don't ever call long distance"

3. Sometimes my supervisor would give us incentive to make a sale by saying something like '1 more sale and you can leave'...so if you suspect that some sort of contest like that is going on make sure you talk on the phone a REALLY REALLY long time -OR- if it is late in the day (like right before 9:00 since it is against FCC regulations to call after 9pm) make sure to stay on the phone FOREVER! Talk about your nephew, your dog, what you are watching on TV, what you ate that day, any bowel movements you had, etc. The telemarketer is not supposed to hang up!

4. Have contests with your friends and neighbors to see how many telemarketers you can offend/bore to the point where they hang up.
I'm always polite to telemarketers (relative term, I don't hang up angrily and I don't piss them about). It rarely helps, but there was one time. Guy calls me up and goes into the impossibly fast spiel, pauses for breath for a second and I ask "Sorry, are you trying to sell me something?" (cos sometimes its from the gas or the electric company and they actually do have something important to talk to you about)
"erm... ye-es" he says (like, he's nervous about saying yes to that, cos he's trying to sell me something without me being aware that I'm being sold something)
I laugh breifly and say "thanks, but I don't think we're interested".

Things that frustrate a clown:

1) Mothers who drag their kicking and screaming clown-hating children toward me, digging divots into their lawn as they try desperately to keep away from the 'scary clown'.

2) Kids who accidentally bop the clown in the groin.

3) Kids who intentionally bop the clown in the groin.

4) A group of fifteen kids who each want a close-up view of the same magic trick. ...twice.

5) Pukers.

6) Parents who don't stop their kids from throwing cake but scold me for throwing some back.

7) Nose thiefs.

8) Tiny little dogs with sharp teeth that get nervous when the clown juggles stuff.

9) Older kids at younger kids' partes that can dish out the verbal abuse in mounds, but can't take a few caustic jabs back.

10) 2 ounce dixie-cups! GAH!!! I HATE 2-ounce Dixie-cups!!! ARGH!!!
There must be some kind of job satisfaction that I don't understand in being a clown, cos I cannot understand for the life of me why you would want to be one.

There must be some kind of job satisfaction that I don't understand in being a clown, cos I cannot understand for the life of me why you would want to be one.

Ah, these are just the downsides. I'm saving the upsides for another thread. But trust me, there are some. *nod* Good ones too.

This is a very long list and I haven't had a chance to read it all (or else I'll be late for work) but I have one.

Arrive at your cafe/diner/food store in peak time, order the most expensive thing on the menue and then complain that it hasn't already been placed in front of you. When it does arrive, send it back because it's not what you thought it was then order the second most expensive thing on the menu. After eating this (and I swear to all this happened) complain loudly that you have parlimentary privledge (In this country parlimentary privledge means if you are a member of parliment you cannot be sued for anything you say on the floor of parliment) and that you do not have to pay for your meals. When the waiter/waitress explains what parlimentary privledge is say that taking money off you is theft and she will call the cops in to arrest you. As the staff try and calmly explain in the middle of a busy resteraunt that taking things without paying for them is theft and they themselves will call the cops while you screams obsenities at the staff driving away customers STAB PEOPLE WITH A KNIFE (I should point out this was a bread and butter knife). (I swear this all happened to me one fine day.) After eventually coaxing her to pay watch several tables walk out before their meal is ready because they don't want to be in that sort of atmosphere stand outside the shop and tell everyone entering that the chef wanks into the food and he has Hepatitus.

Hehe... you so 'Strailian. English speaking country my arse. And will somebody please translate Waltzing Matilta into something Americans can understand???

There was a guy who stole a sheep while making tea and when the cops came he decided he'd rather by drowning himself in a pond than go to jail.

Ah, I did the whole checkout beatch thing for five years whilst I was getting my double degree, I can't believe I actually managed to get them and never fail anything because I'm clearly an idiot, I did work on checkout after all... :rolleyes:

Anyways, I don't care so much about the inconsiderate people because I know I'm not stupid and I know they're asses and I'm better than them.

It's the plainly stupid and idiotic people that just amaze me everytime and you can't help but want to mock the shit out of them.

- Whilst staring at the sign stating "We do not accept credit cards", ask "oh, don't you accept credit cards?"

- After being told that we do not accept credit cards, ask whether we accept Amex.

- When asked if you're using your card for eftpos or credit, say eftpos. Proceed to press the credit card button, which has a large yellow sticker stating 'no credit' covering it.

- When asked if you have a customer card, say no. Pull out customer card when transaction has been finalised and ask to have it put on your card. You want the points after all.

- When asked if you would like bags or boxes for your groceries, say bags. Change your mind after 2/3 of the groceries have been packed. Then change your mind again.

- Make a fuss when asked for your ID when you take alcohol through the checkout. Especially if you are 18. Even better when you only turned 18 that day.

Then there's the people that think they're funny, that really aren't because you've heard it ten thousand times before. These people aren't so bad, because atleast they have good intentions. I just wish they'd get original material.

- When the "Does this person appear 25 or younger" alcohol check window pops up on the screen, complain that you were not asked for ID. You ofcourse have grey hair and wrinkles. You are clearly well over 18 let alone 25.

Tag

Checkout people at grociers are usally fucking morons, thats why i hold them with GREAT disdain...

No. 13 way to piss of a supermarket cashier. I'm not a moron. Get bent. What I find ironic is that many of the people with attitudes like yours are in fact less educated than most of the people (myself included, not meaning to bignote myself, but...) that work as cashiers.

What you cant checkout one more fucking person before you suddenly close?

I frequently do. In fact, I often have to serve several trolley loads overtime. When you've been working for 8 hours and have to stay half an hour longer to serve a bunch of rude customers, you tend to get pissed off. Especially when it is past midnight.

How am I supposed to know you swipe the visa backwards? bitch

I never mentioned that. And frankly, that doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'll do it for you if you're having trouble. There.

WOW eggs under cans of soup :gundge:

Oh yes, because you have experienced that once, therefore all retail employees must do the same.

By the way, I would love to get a decent paying steady job outside of the retail sector. Unfortunately, nothing else in the way of part-time work is available for an 18 year old. (and almost nothing if you're looking for full-time work)


That being said, tough noogies. For the most part, we all have things we don't like about our jobs. Only the luckiest of us would continue to do what we do if someone didn't pay us to do it. And far and away the most irritating thing about any job where you're in contact with the public is.....wait for it...PEOPLE! Complaining about that is kinda like complaining about water being wet.

Oh of course. But it's good to complain about it anyway. Some of the things posted are pretty funny :p


It's fucktards like yourself that make suck jobs suck, and I hope that all of your interactions with the people who are unfortunate enough to serve you are little frustrations that bring you closer and closer to a minor yet painful heart-attack.

Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou etc. :D


3. Being hit on by guys who are in the hospital for STD screening, or who are being treated for STD's

LOL!!!! I Missed that one :D

Ways to piss off your college instructors:

1. Skip the first two classes after Spring Break, then come in the next day and say, "Sorry, I was in the Bahamas" as if I should understand.

2. Email me with a question the answer to which is clearly printed on the syllabus.

3. Confront me about your grade in front of the entire class. Trust me, you will never earn points that way.

4. Miss five classes--which when I teach means you are removed from the class--and then explain that you "had" to spend several days pledging your fraternity. "You don't know what it means to be a !"

5. Plagiarize.

6. Try to anticipate what I'm going to say next, then raise your hand and suggest exactly that. You may think you're scoring points for being smart, but you're really just disrupting the lecture in an attempt to make yourself look good. REALLY annoying.

7. Utter the words, "But my high school teacher said..."

8. Ask for extra credit. Extra credit means going above-and-beyond [I]without being told to do so.

9. Even worse than #8: After other students are awarded extra credit, asking how you can "make up" the same work.

10. Discover my Instant Messenger screenname and try to chat.

11. Tell me you need an extension because you have to get the work done for your other classes.

12. Tell me you need an extension.

13. Relate everything to your trip to ______. "When I was in _____..."

14. Point out a typo on the syllabus/assignment/test, as if you really don't know what I mean. Fine if the meaning is unclear (my fault), but otherwise insulting.

15. Hand in your paper with the corner torn and folded, not stapled.

16. Ask me for a stapler.

17. Bring something up in class (e.g. a cartoon you happen to like), then act shocked when I ask you to explain your reference. "You've never heard of _____?!" I may be asking on behalf of the class, in which case you insult your peers. Otherwise you insult me.

18. Talk, pass notes, check your email, or worst of all study for another class during the lecture/discussion.

Ways to irritate high-school freshmen(it's the closest thing I have to a job, so...):
-Have the internet censor-thing block off all the fun sites(heck, the one at my school even blocked this forum....) so that the kids who've finished all their work have nothing fun to do on the computers
-Make sure all the kids(even the ones that REMEMBER their assignments(like me)) write in their agendas, and check them every week.
-Have other freshmen who are chewing gum go and spit it out(this is more of a complaint about other freshmen. It's against school rules. EVERY TEACHER FORBIDS IT. You've been through this for about 4 months already. STOP CHEWING GUM ALREADY. You're wasting time for the rest of us!)
-Gearing classes to the lowest common denominator intelligence-wise(it hasn't been much of a problem yet, but it IS annoying when it happens)

*sigh*
people that feel my pain


I work in a toy store and being christmas, well im busy

so now when I get a rude customer asking me where something is I reply "in the toy aisle"

Ways to irritate high-school freshmen(it's the closest thing I have to a job, so...):
-Have the internet censor-thing block off all the fun sites(heck, the one at my school even blocked this forum....) so that the kids who've finished all their work have nothing fun to do on the computers
-Make sure all the kids(even the ones that REMEMBER their assignments(like me)) write in their agendas, and check them every week.
-Have other freshmen who are chewing gum go and spit it out(this is more of a complaint about other freshmen. It's against school rules. EVERY TEACHER FORBIDS IT. You've been through this for about 4 months already. STOP CHEWING GUM ALREADY. You're wasting time for the rest of us!)
-Gearing classes to the lowest common denominator intelligence-wise(it hasn't been much of a problem yet, but it IS annoying when it happens)

The more crap you put up with in high school, the better Uni/College will be. Trust me :)

Ways to irritate high-school freshmen(it's the closest thing I have to a job, so...):
-Have the internet censor-thing block off all the fun sites(heck, the one at my school even blocked this forum....) so that the kids who've finished all their work have nothing fun to do on the computers
-Make sure all the kids(even the ones that REMEMBER their assignments(like me)) write in their agendas, and check them every week.
-Have other freshmen who are chewing gum go and spit it out(this is more of a complaint about other freshmen. It's against school rules. EVERY TEACHER FORBIDS IT. You've been through this for about 4 months already. STOP CHEWING GUM ALREADY. You're wasting time for the rest of us!)
-Gearing classes to the lowest common denominator intelligence-wise(it hasn't been much of a problem yet, but it IS annoying when it happens)

You freshmen have it easy. You should have seen what the freshmen had to put up with when I was around. *evil grin* Even when I was a freshman.

Then again, the sophomores, juniors and seniors weren;t exactly immune either. I probably would have been considered a bully if I wasn't getting beaten up all the time by larger people I caused mischief to.

1) when checking out, complain of one or more defficiencies in the room and expect a rebate/refund. When asked why you didn't tell us about the problems when you first noticed them, last night, when it was possible to do something about them, say "I was just so tired" or "I didn't think you could do anything about it" (hint: if you notice a problem when you get inside, there is certainly still time to conveniently move to a nearby room).

2) see #1, but regarding a noisey party in the room next door. Act like we should have realized they were disturbing you via telepathy or clairvoyence, rather than by the very simple act of you calling the desk.

3) make a guaranteed reservation and then just forget about it, and call your credit card issuing bank to complain about the "unauthorized" charge on your credit card account.

4) tell the desk that you are a party of one or two, getting charged accordingly, and then have a dozen or so friends come over for a beer party. When caught, explain that they are just "stopping in for a short visit", even though they have been there for an hour and you just got a couple fresh cases of beer.

5) explore every inch of the room for cleanliness. If you find a 1/4 square inch of dust in the remotest corner, complain to the corporate HQ and try to get free coupons or a refund... at our expence.

6) make a guaranteed reservation through the 800 # when it is too late to cancel out. When you arrive, demand certain amenities that we just don't have or do not have clean and vacent at the moment, like smoking handicapped rooms, first-floor smoking rooms, adjoining rooms of a specific type, etc. When told we do not have these, try to back out of the reservation. Complain angrily when told you cannot.

7) see #6, and complain that the customer service rep at the 800# assured them that they would be guaranteed a downstairs smoking room (they NEVER guarantee any such specifics without calling us first).

8) complain about the rate of your guaranteed reservation when you arrive and try to cancel it. Declare that you will have your bank block the charge as you storm out the door, as if you can get them to do it before we can make the charge.

9) see #8, because you have found locally a coupon with a lower rate, and think that should make you free to reneg on a validly contracted rate.

10) see #9, plus get into a physical fight with the manager over it.

11) forget to mention that you have a pet with you, and when you get to your room in the no-pets section, "fail to notice" the big "NO PETS" sign on your door. Lie about it at check-out to get out of paying the pet fee, even though a hotel employtee walked past your room last night and heard a dog yapping from inside your room, which had vacent rooms next door on both sides.

12) ask to see a room before you check in. Once there, take a shower, go to sleep, order food, and keep telling us that you'll "be right down" to check in and pay. then run off.

13) ask to see a room and then come back and say "no thanks". Fail to tell us that you left all the lights on, and the A/C-heater, and that you left the door open to cool/heat the whole outdoors and to allow anyone who wants a "free" television/microfrige unit/hair drier/coffeemaker/etc. easy access.

7. Utter the words, "But my high school teacher said..."

11. Tell me you need an extension because you have to get the work done for your other classes.

12. Tell me you need an extension.

16. Ask me for a stapler.
Mostly your other ones were fine, but these four just take the piss

7: They've been told something, to which you now tell them something else. And you're bothered by the fact that they want to clear up this inconsistancy?

11: I can understand how this is annoying, but then, isn't every teacher gonna find this annoying? So if they need an extension, who precisely are they supposed to go to to avoid that reaction?

12: If you mean that they should ask rather than expect, thats fine. If you mean they shouldn't be asking you, see 11

16: Would you be bothered if they asked you the date, or for the time? How is this that big a deal?

1) when checking out, complain of one or more defficiencies in the room and expect a rebate/refund. When asked why you didn't tell us about the problems when you first noticed them, last night, when it was possible to do something about them, say "I was just so tired" or "I didn't think you could do anything about it" (hint: if you notice a problem when you get inside, there is certainly still time to conveniently move to a nearby room).

2) see #1, but regarding a noisey party in the room next door. Act like we should have realized they were disturbing you via telepathy or clairvoyence, rather than by the very simple act of you calling the desk.

3) make a guaranteed reservation and then just forget about it, and call your credit card issuing bank to complain about the "unauthorized" charge on your credit card account.

4) tell the desk that you are a party of one or two, getting charged accordingly, and then have a dozen or so friends come over for a beer party. When caught, explain that they are just "stopping in for a short visit", even though they have been there for an hour and you just got a couple fresh cases of beer.

5) explore every inch of the room for cleanliness. If you find a 1/4 square inch of dust in the remotest corner, complain to the corporate HQ and try to get free coupons or a refund... at our expence.

6) make a guaranteed reservation through the 800 # when it is too late to cancel out. When you arrive, demand certain amenities that we just don't have or do not have clean and vacent at the moment, like smoking handicapped rooms, first-floor smoking rooms, adjoining rooms of a specific type, etc. When told we do not have these, try to back out of the reservation. Complain angrily when told you cannot.

7) see #6, and complain that the customer service rep at the 800# assured them that they would be guaranteed a downstairs smoking room (they NEVER guarantee any such specifics without calling us first).

8) complain about the rate of your guaranteed reservation when you arrive and try to cancel it. Declare that you will have your bank block the charge as you storm out the door, as if you can get them to do it before we can make the charge.

9) see #8, because you have found locally a coupon with a lower rate, and think that should make you free to reneg on a validly contracted rate.

10) see #9, plus get into a physical fight with the manager over it.

11) forget to mention that you have a pet with you, and when you get to your room in the no-pets section, "fail to notice" the big "NO PETS" sign on your door. Lie about it at check-out to get out of paying the pet fee, even though a hotel employtee walked past your room last night and heard a dog yapping from inside your room, which had vacent rooms next door on both sides.

12) ask to see a room before you check in. Once there, take a shower, go to sleep, order food, and keep telling us that you'll "be right down" to check in and pay. then run off.

13) ask to see a room and then come back and say "no thanks". Fail to tell us that you left all the lights on, and the A/C-heater, and that you left the door open to cool/heat the whole outdoors and to allow anyone who wants a "free" television/microfrige unit/hair drier/coffeemaker/etc. easy access.

Aww! These are some of my best tricks! ;) j/k.

1. Say that you don't have a phone. Believe me, this isn't funny. It wasn't funny the first time I heard it and it's not funny the 4,893,058,904th time either.

But... that WORKED for my Grandfather. It was a new telemarketer, and the telemarketer said something to the tune of "I'm sorry sir" and hung up!

Aww! These are some of my best tricks! ;) j/k.

You are more than welcome to come stay with us. :) j/k

You are more than welcome to come stay with us. :) j/k

The reason why I'm not allowed to stay at many nice hotels isn't on your list. :p

14) ask for a handicapped room. Do not mention a thing when you see that the bathing facilities are a stand-up wheelchair accessable shower with hand rails. Instead screach your fucking head off at check-out, in front of all the people eating breakfast, that you have a bad leg that needed soaking, and therefor we are a rotten hotel for giving you a standard handicapped room with a wheelchair accessable shower, and that you will (THANK G-D) never come back here.

15) come to the desk over an hour after check-in and tell us that you have decided to stay someplace else. Expect a refund. Tell us you have already checked in someplace else, even though you had already checked in here and told us nothing about your change of plans. Tell us you only checked in "a few minutes" ago even though it was at least an hour, usually several. Tell us that you went for a drive and were hardly in the room much if at all, even though you went back and forth past the front desk several times. Tell us that you have worked in hotels all your life and that all hotels will give full refunds hours after check-in.

16) demand a rebate for some small and correctable problem or for a check-out with full refund hours after check-in. When denied, stand at the desk or the front door and bad-mouth the hotel to everyone who comes to check in. Stay until the police are called.

Remember tha guy that would get locked out of his hotel room naked and had to go down to the lobby to get himself let back in? Did you ever wonder if it was deliberate? Well, I can answer that. :D

17) tell us we are breaking the law by not having handicapped rooms THAT ARE ALSO smoking rooms (there is no law requiring smoking rooms, period, not even here in NC).

The reason why I'm not allowed to stay at many nice hotels isn't on your list. :p

Gonna make us ask, shameless tease?

Remember tha guy that would get locked out of his hotel room naked and had to go down to the lobby to get himself let back in? Did you ever wonder if it was deliberate? Well, I can answer that. :D

WARNING: Clowns' incomes tend to suffer when they get put on sexual offender lists.

17) tell us we are breaking the law by not having handicapped rooms THAT ARE ALSO smoking rooms (there is no law requiring smoking rooms, period, not even here in NC).



Gonna make us ask, shameless tease?

Yep. :D Actually, I just provided a huge chunk of the reason why above.

When I convince thirty of my friends also staying in the hotel to do it at the same time, it's kind of hard to believe they were all accidental. :p

18) drag an AAA book in with you, pointing to our listing that shows that between may and october, our AAA rates for one person range from $39.95 to $109.95. Ask for one of the $39.95 rooms, even though it is a weekend in october, which is the peak season here. When told that all of the rooms cost the same, and that the price ranges in AAA books describe variations over date ranges, act either stupid or righteously insistent that it does not mean that, and that it means that we must have a range of rooms of the different listed rates on every date in that range. Throw a tantrum when we insist that we do not have $39.95 rooms on october weekends. If you're an embittered and pissy old WWII vet and feel entitled to flaunt your withered old salt status, strain at us as if you are ready to start throwing punches, and knock over a display stand or two on your way out.

WARNING: Clowns' incomes tend to suffer when they get put on sexual offender lists.

On the contrary. You can make quite a bit of money at more grown-up parties. Heh.

WARNING: Clowns' incomes tend to suffer when they get put on sexual offender lists.
God, what was that news story about that peadophile clown over here? That was just scary.

On the contrary. You can make quite a bit of money at more grown-up parties. Heh.

...where they do other things to your groin? Not balloon animals, I hope. :D

Reminds me: when I was last in NYC, my friends suggested that I change my career to professional bdsm Dom. Whatever that is... :) Sounded too much like prostitution to me.

God, what was that news story about that peadophile clown over here? That was just scary.

Yeah. I read it.

Also, John Wayne Gacy was a clown.

But I pride myself in my ability to restrain myself from murdering people or molesting children.

The secret is to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

...where they do other things to your groin? Not balloon animals, I hope. :D

Reminds me: when I was last in NYC, my friends suggested that I change my career to professional bdsm Dom. Whatever that is... :) Sounded too much like prostitution to me.

Look! A poodle!

apparently it looks like it is all good.

As a student, I have yet to experience a real job other than my crappy TA job. (and I have actually done a couple of these)

But, here are some ways to annoy your prof..


Walk in late, but don't use the back door for the class and make sure to walk in front of trhe white/black bord/projector screen

Come in late for a test and ask for more time

Even though your prof asks for a hardcopy the day of, email him/her a copy of your paper and say that the printer doesn't work, even though the ones in the Learning Centre are up and working

Hand in our paper after class, even though the prof said at the beginning. They can't dock marks because they said it was due on such and such a date and you were on time... Argue with them until they don't penalise you

Fill in your scantron sheet on the wrong side during the test then put up your hand and tell your prof that you need an eraser. Press lightly and complain about it's cheap paper and your markings won't erase and get your prof to erase it

If you come in late with a friend of the opposite sex, make sure you're giggling as you dash to your seat

Snide remarks go a long way

If you can, get your hands on a promotional moo-thingy (you know...the whole "if your milk moos you win" contest?) and set it off at random intervals in class.

Ways to piss off a bartender . . .

1) When it's busy, throw a bottlecap at him to get his attention. Because pinging something off the back of his head is going to make him want to ignore everyone else and immediatly serve you.

2) Ask for some obscure mixer that only you and one other person have ever heard of, like a 'Singing Cow Teat Under the Dusk Light of Texas', act shocked when asked what it is, then reveal that it's Vodka and Orange Juice. (or some other drink not only commonly known under another name, but also listed on the drink menu as that name.)

3) Come up to the bar. Read the menu intently. Then
a) Ask if we have something not listed on the menu.
b) Ask if we have something listed on the menu.
Are you aware of the purpose of a menu?

4) Order a round of drinks at last call, then act shocked when closing time comes and we ask you to hurry up so the bar can shut down.

5) Ignore the Bartender when he calls out 'last call' and again when he calls out 'closing time'. Then, when the bar is visibly dismantled, come up and demand to order a drink. Fly into a rage when it is explained to you that not only is the bar closed, it would be illegal for us to sell you liquor at this hour.

6) Refuse to leave when the bar closes. Engage in a physical confrontation with the Bartender/Manager.

7) Puke.

8) Engage in these activites repeatedly. Assume that because you are a 'regular', said rules do not apply to you. (Especially 4, 5, and 6)

9) Confuse the proffesion of 'Bartender' with 'Prostitute'.

I spent nearly two years working weekends and some odd days as a barman.

Here's how not to go about getting served...

1) Shout "Yo mate!" and wave a £50 note in the air. Means it'll take that extra little bit longer counting out the change. And am I going to get any of it back as a tip? Ha!

2) Smoke at the bar. It's bad enough going home stinking like a kipper, I don't want you breathing the stuff directly at me. *Especially* if it's stuff about which I'm technically supposed to call the police.

3) A group of people sending up the tartiest woman of the lot up to the bar, under the impression that'll get them their round faster. You think I'm going to fall for that? One, drunkeness is very unappealing in a woman, two, just for patronising me like that, you get skipped a turn.

4) Mixer drinks. Beer out of the bottle or out of the tap is fine, so are straight spirits, but WTF is the tomato juice and drop of tobasco sauce for? Nothing more stressful than a dozen yuppies wanting pretentious drinks. And STILL no tip.

5) Small talk. How long I've been working there and whether I enjoy it, is fine. Leering at the women waiting to be served and loudly asking "Fit birds in here or what?" is not. How the f--- am I supposed to answer that? "Yeah!" - totally unprofessional. "Nah..." - no tip for the next half hour. "I couldn't possibly say, sir." - Sounds like I'm gay.

6) Pay for a large round in small change. Walk off while I'm still counting it, before I discover I'm a quid short.

7) Pay for a large round, with the order split between two or more people, using large-denomination banknotes. Have a conversation about the slowness of the service while I'm rooting through the reserve cash bags.

8) While various forms of the above are in progress, request the music CD to be changed.

9) No! DON'T VOMIT! Aaargh...!

10) Walk up to the bar with an expression of disgust on your face, pointing your thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the toilets.

11) Shout at the bartender for service while said bartender is clearly pulling piping hot glasses out of the dishwasher. Complain when bartender starts putting glasses under the tap. Then complain that the glass is too hot.

12) Complain vehemently to bartender about the lack of staff. Because clearly said bartender is actually the owner of the huge chain of pubs under cover as a 20 year old student trying to earn money to buy food and other luxuries.

13) Expect preferential treatment because you spend the whole day, every day, drinking the same pint for 12 hours.

13) Get pissy because the barman failed to recall all you and your drinking buddies' drinks on their second day

14) Behave as lewdly as is humanly possible to any and all female staff. Fail to appreciate in doing so that the fact that you are physically repulsive, spend your entire time in the cheapest pub in one of the roughest areas of London and smell like socks may mean that said advances are not highly appreciated. Later complain to all male staff about the lack of female staff.

15) Expect your pint of beer to be served to perfection, regardless of how busy the pub is. If said beer is less than perfect rather than ask for a replacement, which will be gladly offered, call the barman "an ignorant f*cking c*nt" because that will guarantee great service later.

16) Scream blue bloody murder if you are missed in the queue, even though there is one barman serving two separate bars which each have 10 people waiting to be served

17) Walk to the bar to loudly complain that your glasses have not been collected, even though there are only 2 staff and about 100 customers. Do not, under any circumstances, bring your glasses to the bar. That's their job.

18) Make any and all complaints, in personal terms, to bar staff. Assume "the management" to be a figment of the barstaff's imaginations.

19) Make sure to make it as hard as possible for the barstaff to get you out of the pub at the legally required time. Upon being asked for the 10th time ask why you are being singled out. Accuse barstaff of racism. In doing so ignore the fact that the pub's clientele consists of basically every single ethnic minority under the sun. And that the manager is Kenyan. Do this every single bloody night for a year.

20) Treat barman as though they are marginally less than human for having to do a low paying job. Do this despite the fact that your money comes from drug dealing. Ignore the fact that the barman knows this because they have had to politely ask you not to deal cocaine in the toilets on numerous occasions. Also ignore the fact that you and your friends have had to be thrown out of the pub in the past for pulling out knives and hospitalising one of the managers.

The last two are somewhat personal issues, as you might have guessed.

Oh, and the last two were separate groups, the first a group of Trinidadian ex-pats, the second the "Greekneys" (London-born Greeks). They were actually amongst the more savory types at the pub. And believe it or not but that was the best job going in the local area. Ah, Harringay, how I miss you.

WOW eggs under cans of soup :gundge:

Now, I have never had any of my groceries crushed. Ever. Why is this, you might ask? Does Jesus have a secret extra-special section of his heart reserved only for me*? No, actually. It's fore-thought. You'd be suprised how many of life's little problems it manages to negate. Think about it this way - the cashier has no advance knowledge of which groceries you have purchased, and usually only gains this knowledge as the various items pass through their scanner. Since they are usually rushed, they rarely have time to organize your groceries according to density as they go. You, on the other hand, know exactly which groceries you have purchased. In fact, one might even say that you 'hand-picked them yourself'. As a result, you know exactly what items need to be placed into the bags. Now, with all that in mind, consider the following. Logically, the cashier will tend to put the items in the bags in the order they arrive. Knowing this, give them the heaviest items first, and the delicate items last. Barring some maniacal clerk who deliberatly sets aside large items so as to specifically crush the bread when it arrives, you will always end up with your groceries neatly arrayed.
The moral of the story? If your eggs got crushed by soup-cans, somebody wasn't thinking. That person was you. Next time, give them the soup-cans first, the eggs second, and don't blame other people for your incompetence.


*He does by the way. It's in the left ventricle.

Now, I have never had any of my groceries crushed. Ever. Why is this, you might ask? Does Jesus have a secret extra-special section of his heart reserved only for me*? No, actually. It's fore-thought. You'd be suprised how many of life's little problems it manages to negate. Think about it this way - the cashier has no advance knowledge of which groceries you have purchased, and usually only gains this knowledge as the various items pass through their scanner. Since they are usually rushed, they rarely have time to organize your groceries according to density as they go. You, on the other hand, know exactly which groceries you have purchased. In fact, one might even say that you 'hand-picked them yourself'. As a result, you know exactly what items need to be placed into the bags. Now, with all that in mind, consider the following. Logically, the cashier will tend to put the items in the bags in the order they arrive. Knowing this, give them the heaviest items first, and the delicate items last. Barring some maniacal clerk who deliberatly sets aside large items so as to specifically crush the bread when it arrives, you will always end up with your groceries neatly arrayed.
The moral of the story? If your eggs got crushed by soup-cans, somebody wasn't thinking. That person was you. Next time, give them the soup-cans first, the eggs second, and don't blame other people for your incompetence.


*He does by the way. It's in the left ventricle.
Given the nature of that dudes response I'd imagine that since it seems to happen to him and not others, including myself who's only prep includes making sure that all like items are grouped together so they are easier to ring up, my guess is the reason that the cans where put on his eggs is because he was being a complete fucktard to the cashier and that was the cashier's revenge.

Do not, under any circumstances, bring your glasses to the bar. That's their job.
The funny thing is, I now bring my glass back to the bar and throw the crisp packets in the bin, when I'm out.

Given the nature of that dudes response I'd imagine that since it seems to happen to him and not others, including myself who's only prep includes making sure that all like items are grouped together so they are easier to ring up, my guess is the reason that the cans where put on his eggs is because he was being a complete fucktard to the cashier and that was the cashier's revenge.

I'd say that is the most likely answer :D

The funny thing is, I now bring my glass back to the bar and throw the crisp packets in the bin, when I'm out.

Me too. Usually. Sometimes I'm a little too, um, befuddled to run the risk of carrying anything that can cause lacerations.

A tip for anyone who wants to get served soon at the bar. Help the bartender out. Bring glasses back. If the bartender doesn't seem to know who's next (and it's pretty much impossible to keep track of exactly who arrives when) then tell them. And if all else fails just smile. That is far more likely to get you served than acting like Naomi Campbell at a fur sale.

Z: People who leave their empty buggies in parking spaces instead of walking the (+-) 5 metres to the coralle, I assume expecting me to get them.

Argh! I hate that!

Many people accompianing me whine "just leave it here. What's the diffrence?" I always insist of pushing the thing across the lane into the corrall. Hell, push it hard enough, and it'll roll in there itself. I always thought it was just common courtrsey, but now I know it's appreciated.

i thought it was going to be 11 ways to piss off a sup...remercist
As thats all the topic name showed on NS Front page LOL

I just dont care if i get blamed i blame someone else :p

Argh! I hate that!

Many people accompianing me whine "just leave it here. What's the diffrence?" I always insist of pushing the thing across the lane into the corrall. Hell, push it hard enough, and it'll roll in there itself. I always thought it was just common courtrsey, but now I know it's appreciated.

It is greatly. It's hard to keep up when we have to run to 7 different parking spots to get buggies! :rolleyes:

I'm in electronics retail, and also do some parametic work.

1. When someone takes three hours to buy their three dollar watch battery while your fellow associates are helping dozens of well paying customers.

2. When someone with no clue about electronics treats you like they know more than you

3. "Can you do something about the price?"

4. "I'd like to return this..."

5. When someone gets violently angry because we discontinued our paper catalogue

And for the paramedic side;

When someone refuses treatment, but won't sign a waiver that says they have.

i work at a supermarket, but i make pizzas in a special department...
ways to piss me off at work:

1. come in 15 mins before closing and order multiple pizzas. make sure to do this when you see the pizza side of the department is all cleaned up. note: if you show up 14 mins before, we don't have to make you a pizza. however, if you show up 15 mins before and ask if we can make you a pizza and then take 10 mins deceiding what you want on your pizza, we still have to make the fucking thing.

2. act like a total asshole.

3. after ordering, walk off and look in the rest of the store without paying first. when i tell you the total, that is your cue to break out the cash and pay me, not your cue to run off and look at other stuff. i can't ring in the next customer until you've paid...

4. stand there for half an hour (half an hour where i could be workign on closing the department and maybe leave on time) debating what to get, always making me think that you're so close to a decision and not letting me walk off and leave you to deceide on your own.

5. order a special sandwich. change your mind after it's about half done. order another special sandwich. change your mind again. order a premade sandwich.

6. wait to order a sandwich until the cutting boards are all in the dishwasher.

7. beg me to sell you a drink after the head cashiers have taken our till.

hmm... come to think of it, it's not the customers so much that bother me. it's the job itself. i want to get transferred to the coffe place, damnit. they have an eighth the garbage we get.

irratating tactics

have us do a 14000 dollar job, then have customer say the job map he gave you wasn't to scale, we would have to fix it.

some customer's kids had walkie talkies on the same frequency as ours. they told us they were the police repeatedly.

old ladies asking me where plants are by a fragment of their latin names

coustomers expecting me to lift a 400 pound tree into their truck singlehandedly

recieving fake gift certificates as payment

customers complaining a day before the warranty expires

being asked to run back and forth for the same customer, who then says walmart has better prices and leaves.

customers returning items from other stores and wanting cash

the list goes on and on

I work in an office, whith 13,000 customers. The best one was - please can you change your work processes and entire computer system to accomodate my request, despite the fact that if i sat down and sorted out my own paperwork there would be no need for you to do anything of the sort.

My response was no we cannot. After much too-ing and fro-ing of correspondance i told him no it wasn't happening and i wasn't going to discuss it further. Week later i hear one of my managers going to the IT development team, 'so can we make this change this guy's asked for?' despite my telling him all about it at the time and explaining the decision i'd made. It development told him to get knotted!

[QUOTE=AnarchyeL]Ways to piss off your college instructors:

11. Tell me you need an extension because you have to get the work done for your other classes.

The other piss offs I understand, but as a masters degree student, and planning to be a prof, I have never understood why some profs think their's is the only class that matters. I sometimes get three exams on the same day, or five term papers due the same week. When I am a prof I will recognise the fact that students do have other classes, and that those other classes are of equal importance to mine.

Ways to piss off your college instructors:

11. Tell me you need an extension because you have to get the work done for your other classes.

The other piss offs I understand, but as a masters degree student, and planning to be a prof, I have never understood why some profs think their's is the only class that matters. I sometimes get three exams on the same day, or five term papers due the same week. When I am a prof I will recognise the fact that students do have other classes, and that those other classes are of equal importance to mine.
Well... Actually if it was a term paper, I'd tell them to get screwed. You knew about it *way* in advance. I mean... it's not like the date for the end of term ends at a random date. It's decided before the class even starts. So a term paper will always be due near there.... :p Just because you (this includes me :) ) procrastinated on starting it doesn't mean the professor should do anything about it.

And in college, no professor should really change dates unless it's a small class. You can't accomodate everyone, since unlike in high school, there's not a very good chance that people are taking the same classes. So if you personally have 3 tests on one day, sorry for you, but moving it to another day would likely impact just as many other people in the class.

Since I teach high school, I'm taking the college list and editing. :)

1. Skip 3+ weeks of my class with no note and never showing up, but continue to turn in work that the class is doing in my box. Note that I never actually assigned her the work, but she turns it in anyways.....

2. Repeat a question that was asked and answered 5 seconds earlier. Look confused and mad when the class starts laughing. (And I'll start laughing if this is like the 3rd or 4th time for the same frickin' question)

3. Ask me about your grade while I'm teaching the entire class. Yes... I have time to stop in mid speech and open up my gradebook to check your grade. WHEN IT'S ON THE WALL! :headbang:

4. Copy off a person's paper in the class. Don't even bother to actually rewrite it, just photocopy it.

5. Try to anticipate what I'm going to say next, then raise your hand and suggest exactly that. You may think you're scoring points for being smart, but you're really just disrupting the lecture in an attempt to make yourself look good. REALLY annoying. (Had to copy this wholesale, as I have one of these in my class. OMG is this annoying. JUST LET ME FINISH FOR GODSSAKE!!)

6. Ask for extra credit. Ask for it when you have a B! Yes, my students are way too psychotic about school.

7. Chat with me on AIM. But do it about completely random stuff that is really not that amusing. Or... ask me questions all the time on AIM, basically asking me to solve the hw for you step by step.

8. Hand in your paper with the corner torn and folded, not stapled. Especially since there are TWO BRIGHT RED staplers on my desk.

9. Continually come late to class, or skip class, then act shocked that I put you on the cut list. What do you think skipping class means?!

10. Acting like it's my fault that you can't make time to take a retake of a test YOU screwed up on. I don't HAVE to offer this you know.....

11. Interrupt me in the middle of asking a question of the whole class to ask me something unrelated to the topic, the class, or even school. Like.... do you have a boyfriend? Or what are you doing for the weekend? (I don't mind chatting with my students, but we're trying to get shit done here. :p)

Well... Actually if it was a term paper, I'd tell them to get screwed. You knew about it *way* in advance. I mean... it's not like the date for the end of term ends at a random date. It's decided before the class even starts. So a term paper will always be due near there.... :p Just because you (this includes me :) ) procrastinated on starting it doesn't mean the professor should do anything about it.

And in college, no professor should really change dates unless it's a small class. You can't accomodate everyone, since unlike in high school, there's not a very good chance that people are taking the same classes. So if you personally have 3 tests on one day, sorry for you, but moving it to another day would likely impact just as many other people in the class.
for tests they always say to tell them if you have a conflict, though for a test it has to be a direct conflict i.e. another test at the same day same time...

and one of my profs was on about how if we wanted an extention on our huge ass essay, we could ask her for one and expect one unless we asked like the day before or something. but then this is the prof that let me write the exam two days late (i was stupid and read the wrong exam schedule...)

i thought it was going to be 11 ways to piss off a sup...remercist
As thats all the topic name showed on NS Front page LOL

I just dont care if i get blamed i blame someone else :p

Excellent idea for another thread though :D

Given the nature of that dudes response I'd imagine that since it seems to happen to him and not others, including myself who's only prep includes making sure that all like items are grouped together so they are easier to ring up, my guess is the reason that the cans where put on his eggs is because he was being a complete fucktard to the cashier and that was the cashier's revenge.

:D I haven't done something like that. Yet.

Since I teach high school, I'm taking the college list and editing. :)

1. Skip 3+ weeks of my class with no note and never showing up, but continue to turn in work that the class is doing in my box. Note that I never actually assigned her the work, but she turns it in anyways.....
You got to admire the planing in that kind of skipping...

2. Repeat a question that was asked and answered 5 seconds earlier. Look confused and mad when the class starts laughing. (And I'll start laughing if this is like the 3rd or 4th time for the same frickin' question)
This is why I think we need to establish early on that there is such a thing as a dumb question. None of the teachers hang out with are quite on board with this yet, but I keep trying....

7. Chat with me on AIM. But do it about completely random stuff that is really not that amusing. Or... ask me questions all the time on AIM, basically asking me to solve the hw for you step by step. How do they get your AIM?

8. Hand in your paper with the corner torn and folded, not stapled. Especially since there are TWO BRIGHT RED staplers on my desk.
They just haven't hit on the "I didn't plan ahead ghetto staple." Right before rushing into class with the paper with ink still wet stop by one of the many places with flyers and pull a staple out and push it through the paper. Try not to puncture your thumb...

10. Acting like it's my fault that you can't make time to take a retake of a test YOU screwed up on. I don't HAVE to offer this you know.....
pfft. What are you doing with your time. All high school students know that you are simply put back in your box and plugged back in the wall at 3:30 PM....

11. Interrupt me in the middle of asking a question of the whole class to ask me something unrelated to the topic, the class, or even school. Like.... do you have a boyfriend? Or what are you doing for the weekend? (I don't mind chatting with my students, but we're trying to get shit done here. :p)
Sounds like someone's hot for teacher.....let me slick my eyebrows...so, what's your AIM....

(I'm kidding, I barely even know what that is...)

for a supermarket worker/manager/stockboy etc.......

Go to the customer service desk and say you are throwing a large party for alot of people in a few hours and need to buy a large amount of items and would like some help.
They will usually assign the stock boy or some free cashier. Now go around filling up your cart with chips, bottles of soda, hotdogs, ground beef, ribs, dip, snacks, rolls and anything else you can think of.


Once u have about 4 por 5 cart filled to the brim, (hopefully they will have sent more workers to help u by them) bring them over to the register and go to your pocket or purse to get your wallet.
Then simply say "oops, I left my money in the car, I'll be right back" and run over to your car.

Start the engine and drive away.

;)



:D :D :D :D

Hehe... you so 'Strailian. English speaking country my arse. And will somebody please translate Waltzing Matilta into something Americans can understand???

Oh and yeah, supermarket cashiers. And what not.

yeh austrailians are not an english speaking country. Being English in the Country that invented english I think we know when english isn't being spoken properly. This is for you

Retarded American Me
:rolleyes: :sniper:

I worked in the airline biz for about 20 years. Part of that time was in the lost luggage dept at Calgary Airport.
When your luggage doesn't arrive with you at your destination, be sure and scream until you are blue in the face at the customer service agent. Be sure and include obsenities and question whether his parents were married etc.
Be sure and let the agent know that the medication you need to survive tonight is in the luggage you checked.
Threaten to sue the agent personally, because your business attire needed for the big meeting is in the luggage.
Slam your briefcase repeatedly onto the the counter to reinforce your point.
Refuse to allow the agent to see your ticket and or luggage tags.
Demand cash compensation/free travel/hotel expences and a shopping spree RIGHT NOW, despite being advised that 99% of missing luggage is found and delivered within a matter of hours.
Scream at the agent for another 10 minutes to close the deal.

Had all of this and more happen, but one time sticks out vividly, the guy finally gave me the ticket and luggage tags, and I looked at the tags first. "I'm very sorry sir, your luggage was tagged to Edmonton, I will have it delivered to you in about 2.5 hours"
He looked at me and said "Yeah.........where the f***k am I?"

I worked in the airline biz for about 20 years. Part of that time was in the lost luggage dept at Calgary Airport.
When your luggage doesn't arrive with you at your destination, be sure and scream until you are blue in the face at the customer service agent. Be sure and include obsenities and question whether his parents were married etc.
Be sure and let the agent know that the medication you need to survive tonight is in the luggage you checked.
Threaten to sue the agent personally, because your business attire needed for the big meeting is in the luggage.
Slam your briefcase repeatedly onto the the counter to reinforce your point.
Refuse to allow the agent to see your ticket and or luggage tags.
Demand cash compensation/free travel/hotel expences and a shopping spree RIGHT NOW, despite being advised that 99% of missing luggage is found and delivered within a matter of hours.
Scream at the agent for another 10 minutes to close the deal.
"
Now after u do all that... pick your bag up from the floor next to you and say, "oh whoops I found it, sorry", and walk away

Now after u do all that... pick your bag up from the floor next to you and say, "oh whoops I found it, sorry", and walk away

That happened a lot, although the bag in question was usually still going around the baggage carousel.

I work in a pizza place. (www.hell.co.nz) Its a chain, but its the chain that is generally regarded as being by far the best (if somewhat expensive) around. This makes it easier to deal with people who threaton to go somewhere else (like I care) because I just say 'you'll be getting an inferior product'. This causes them to go quiet for a second before making their order.

When I'm taking your order, don't ask me a bunch of questions irrelevent to the order and then complain that your order took too long.

Ordering delivery? Numbers on your mailbox help. Having your mailbox on the street and not down a drive behind some bushes helps. Having lighting outside your house so that I might be able to notice your letterbox obscured by bushes with tiny numbers (if any) on it. If you live up a driveway with a few other houses, put your mail boxes up on the street where I can see this. If you are too lazy to walk 30 metres to get your mail, put a sign at the bottom with the numbers of the houses up the drive on it. If you are good enough to have your mail boxes on the street, put a number I can see in the dark on your house too so I know which one of the 6 houses up that driveway is yours. No we don't deliver to johnsonville anymore. No I don't care if the shop that does has an hour waiting time, go away. If you constantly order asshole things (such as a chicken/camenbert/cranny pizza but with all the meat from the meat pizza added) we know who you are, and your orders will be sent out last. No we don't do half and half. You standing there insisting on it doesn't work, especially when we can do you 2 small pizzas for the same fucking price. Ordering a pizza with 'hot as hell' chilli, but only on one half (if theres a particular ingredient you don't want on half or if you want one of the optional extras for that pizza only on half, we can do it) is not clever. The place is busy at 7 on a friday. You wont be able to get your takeaway in 10 minutes like at 5.30 on a tuesday. Deal with it.

I can't wait 'till i finish my degree and get a job where I don't have to deal with people.

I have a degree, but I'm stuck stacking shelves at the moment. You just have to suck it up for the time being, it could be worse, you could be the guy standing outside McDonalds with a sign saying 'McDonalds <--' - that's a shitty job.

Wish I could remember half of the weird things people do at airports, but a few ideas for you travellers...

Always arrive at the last minute, especially if you are a large family with lots of luggage and have dogs you need to buy travel kennels for.

Ask for directions and then walk off in the opposite direction. Come back later and complain.

Ask to pay for your ticket in an obsure foreign currency, because it's all you have.

Ignore any signage, in fact doors marked "secure area, no admittance" are a short cut to your departure lounge.
This also works when walking your dog during a stopover, the same door leads to the secret dog walking area, overwise know as the active taxiway.

Ignore all announcements and get on the wrong plane, ignore inflight announcements and travel to the wrong city. Wonder why your relatives are not there to meet you. Take a cab downtown and stay for 12 hours before going back to the airport and complaining.

Get really drunk and start grabbing the flight attendants butt. Complain when you are escorted off the aircraft by Police.

Start a fist fight in the departure lounge, then still expect to travel even though you are covered in blood, one of your eyes is no longer all in its socket, and the 5 Police officers are trying to carry you away.

I don't piss people off, but I do like to make them wonder.

Run around the block twice or so (work up a nice sweat, get a little out of breath). Run into a store at about 2 or 3am, preferably a full supermarket or something, look around wildly, huffing an puffing. Tear off through the store at top speed for the candy isle; pick up one (1) pack of 25 cent gum. Throw it down on the counter, refusing to answer any questions, be utterly out of breath, hands on knees etc. Play it up and half fun with it! Pay with a quarter, run out with all haste.

-OR- Same thing as above (look out of breath and sweaty), but wear only the minimum amount of clothing to be served (shorts, misbuttoned shirt, half tucked in, mismatched or incorrectly worn shoes, tussled hair). Race into the store holding a 20$ bill prominently in your hand, through it down on the counter and declare, "My GOD man, where are your condoms?!" Upon reciving the condoms, walk out triumphantly like a king.

Once u have about 4 por 5 cart filled to the brim, (hopefully they will have sent more workers to help u by them) bring them over to the register and go to your pocket or purse to get your wallet.
Then simply say "oops, I left my money in the car, I'll be right back" and run over to your car.

Start the engine and drive away.

;)

Actually, you'd be surprised at how often similar things happen. It's a major pain in the arse :mad:

Hehe... you so 'Strailian. English speaking country my arse. And will somebody please translate Waltzing Matilta into something Americans can understand???

Oh and yeah, supermarket cashiers. And what not.

A wombok is an asian lettuce. It has nothing to do with being Australian.

Have fun giving Americans a bad name.

I have a degree, but I'm stuck stacking shelves at the moment. You just have to suck it up for the time being, it could be worse, you could be the guy standing outside McDonalds with a sign saying 'McDonalds <--' - that's a shitty job.

Ehh, don't say that. I'm doing an arts degree so thats a likely outcome. Hoping to get a transfer into law...

I don't piss people off, but I do like to make them wonder.

Run around the block twice or so (work up a nice sweat, get a little out of breath). Run into a store at about 2 or 3am, preferably a full supermarket or something, look around wildly, huffing an puffing. Tear off through the store at top speed for the candy isle; pick up one (1) pack of 25 cent gum. Throw it down on the counter, refusing to answer any questions, be utterly out of breath, hands on knees etc. Play it up and half fun with it! Pay with a quarter, run out with all haste.

-OR- Same thing as above (look out of breath and sweaty), but wear only the minimum amount of clothing to be served (shorts, misbuttoned shirt, half tucked in, mismatched or incorrectly worn shoes, tussled hair). Race into the store holding a 20$ bill prominently in your hand, through it down on the counter and declare, "My GOD man, where are your condoms?!" Upon reciving the condoms, walk out triumphantly like a king.

LOL. That would be welcome comic relief :D

7: They've been told something, to which you now tell them something else. And you're bothered by the fact that they want to clear up this inconsistancy?

I should have been more clear. The annoying part is when they are convinced that their high school teacher has a personal line to God, and if I contradict them then clearly I must be wrong.

11: I can understand how this is annoying, but then, isn't every teacher gonna find this annoying? So if they need an extension, who precisely are they supposed to go to to avoid that reaction?

Getting behind on your work is not an excuse for getting behind on your work. You are in college... That means you have a lot of work to do, and it has to be done on time. If all of your peers can get the work done for their classes, why not you? If there are extenuating circumstances such as illness, death in the family, or other excusable situation, then fine. But don't expect me to be the sucker who hands you the free time to do your work for other professors who aren't so easy. Generally I permit extensions only with a note from a doctor or a dean.

12: If you mean that they should ask rather than expect, thats fine. If you mean they shouldn't be asking you, see 11

Yes, ask me, don't tell me.

16: Would you be bothered if they asked you the date, or for the time? How is this that big a deal?

It is a big deal because they know that every paper has to be stapled, and it should not be difficult to accomplish this on their own. Sooner or later, these kids need to learn responsibility. Coming into class and asking me to staple your paper for you tells me that you didn't care much about the assignment, since you couldn't even accomplish it's simplest part. (And you probably finished it and printed it in the computer lab five minutes before.)

The other piss offs I understand, but as a masters degree student, and planning to be a prof, I have never understood why some profs think their's is the only class that matters. I sometimes get three exams on the same day, or five term papers due the same week. When I am a prof I will recognise the fact that students do have other classes, and that those other classes are of equal importance to mine.

Trust me, you think that right up until the first time it happens to you as an instructor. First of all, most students seem to treat it as an entitlement--if they are humble about it, there is a decent chance I'll make some arrangements with them.

Also, you quickly learn that if you do it once, you start to get a reputation as a bit of a push-over... Suddenly everyone has trouble writing your papers because they have a math test, or a chem test, or two other papers due.

Let me be clear. Every class matters. You should not be getting extensions in any of them because you find the others so overwhelming. If you can't cut it, then you're in the wrong place... Or you are probably having too much fun, especially if you are in graduate school! (Although since graduate students often have their own research for conference papers and journal articles, exceptions are more appropriate. If you need some leeway in deadlines because you are going above-and-beyond, as opposed to slacking off, then you should certainly get some accomodation.)

If you have a legitimate excuse (illness, family emergency, etc.), then you may have an extension. In this case, however, I ask that you get a note from a doctor or a dean. (The deans are great... Some time you have to ask an academic dean how many aunts and grandmothers die around exam time. They tell students, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Of course, I'm just going to have to verify this with your parents." And by golly, those miracle workers raise grandma from the dead!)

If you think this is harsh, you should know that both the deans and the school counselors usually advise that you send students to them if the ask for accomodations. Often enough this is a sign that their work is slipping more generally, and its better for the student if the appropriate staff catches it early... before they wind up failing out of school.

5. Try to anticipate what I'm going to say next, then raise your hand and suggest exactly that. You may think you're scoring points for being smart, but you're really just disrupting the lecture in an attempt to make yourself look good. REALLY annoying. (Had to copy this wholesale, as I have one of these in my class. OMG is this annoying. JUST LET ME FINISH FOR GODSSAKE!!)

HA!!

I knew I couldn't be the only one.

I can't believe I forgot these....


-- Have your cell phone go off in class.

-- Have your cell phone go off in class more than once in the same period.

-- Answer your cell phone in class and actually start a conversation!! (This didn't happen to me, but one of my girlfriend's students did it to her!)

As an undergrad, I had a history professor who was known for being difficult. Brilliant woman, however, and one of the best instructors I have ever had.

Elements of this conversation remind me of my favorite of her many interesting comments. She said this one day to a freshman class. (I was lucky enough to be the only sophomore, sitting in as the paid notetaker for a girl with a hearing impairment.)

After this class again failed to deal with the material on anything more than a superficial level, she said:

"You know what the really great thing is about you freshmen? One day you'll be sophomores."

I've always appreciated that. :)

No we don't do half and half. You standing there insisting on it doesn't work, especially when we can do you 2 small pizzas for the same fucking price. Ordering a pizza with 'hot as hell' chilli, but only on one half (if theres a particular ingredient you don't want on half or if you want one of the optional extras for that pizza only on half, we can do it) is not clever.

Surely you lie!

I thought the website let you slap things just on halves. That's what made it so great!

And now I know why those dame cranberry with meat pizzas take so long ;)

Now, I have never had any of my groceries crushed. Ever. Why is this, you might ask? Does Jesus have a secret extra-special section of his heart reserved only for me*? No, actually. It's fore-thought. You'd be suprised how many of life's little problems it manages to negate. Think about it this way - the cashier has no advance knowledge of which groceries you have purchased, and usually only gains this knowledge as the various items pass through their scanner. Since they are usually rushed, they rarely have time to organize your groceries according to density as they go. You, on the other hand, know exactly which groceries you have purchased. In fact, one might even say that you 'hand-picked them yourself'. As a result, you know exactly what items need to be placed into the bags. Now, with all that in mind, consider the following. Logically, the cashier will tend to put the items in the bags in the order they arrive. Knowing this, give them the heaviest items first, and the delicate items last. Barring some maniacal clerk who deliberatly sets aside large items so as to specifically crush the bread when it arrives, you will always end up with your groceries neatly arrayed.
The moral of the story? If your eggs got crushed by soup-cans, somebody wasn't thinking. That person was you. Next time, give them the soup-cans first, the eggs second, and don't blame other people for your incompetence.


*He does by the way. It's in the left ventricle.

That is one of the funniest things I've ever read, especially the left ventricle bit.

I once spilt someones shopping into two bags because it wouldn't fit in one, and they asked me how I expected them to carry two bags. I decided not to ask them about how many hands they had. Oh, and someone else asked me if I had tommorows newspapers. At first I thought he was just joking cos it was quiet and he might have been waiting for someone, but then he kept on and thought I had them hidden under the counter - thats right folks, the newspaper pages are not only printed under my till, but before the news even happens (but then again, in his case the news would only have been about a flood of asylum seekers / foreigners in general into the country).

8 ways to piss off a customer service person in ladies shoes

1. Come charging up to me when I'm with a customer, don't greet me or ask if I'm busy, but just make some demand, like "I want these in an 11."

2. Come over from some distant footwear department and demand service.

3. Rush in 10mins from closing time desperate for a pair of shoes for tonight.

4. Pick up every pair of shoes on the display and put down whereever the hell you feel like. This is usually done by horrible rich looking women mincing around with chanel or LV bags. Fuck off to the designer department bitch.

5. Make me run back and forth to the stockroom for 45 mins and then don't buy anything. I was supposed to be on my break people!

6. Kids throwing tantrums in kids shoes, which is just across the way, annoy me too.

7. Leave your snotty tissues lying on our lounges.

8. Talk to me when I'm on the phone.

Ooh and here's a story. There were two of us working, we were both with customers. So this huffy woman, she was South African btw... (Since I'm from there I can generalise about rich snobby S Africans...) stood there looking annoyed. I told her I
d be with her as soon as I could. So out of the blue, she called my manager and demanded that they send someone to our departmnt because there were TWELVE people waiting. Bullshit, there were two people waiting. People need to learn some patience.

he,he, this as been one of the funniest forums I have ever been to. I'm gonna try some of these things. As i am a minor (13) and we live really close to a store, I'm gonna try that condom one. If the guy/girl sells it to me, I'll tell the manager. If he/she doesn't on the grounds that I'm uh 13, I'll get into a huge argument. Next day, come back and complain to manager that he/she wouldn't sell me condoms, then run out.

Hehe... you so 'Strailian. English speaking country my arse. And will somebody please translate Waltzing Matilta into something Americans can understand???No worries Cobber! :D



Once a happy traveller camped by a waterhole
Under the shade of a bloody big tree
And he sang as he watched and waited for the water to boil (in the pot, which is what the "Billy" is)
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he watched and waited for the water to boil
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Along came a dumb sheep to drink at the waterhole
So the shifty traveller stuffed it in his backpack
Singing for some bizzare reason
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he shoved the sheep into his backpack
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me (*note this bit confuses me - Is Matilda the sheep? Scary :eek: )
Up rode the cappo scumbag on his fancy horse.
With three cops - count 'em - Three!
The cappo scumbag said "Oi! That's my sheep in your backpack you bastard!
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
The cappo scumbag said "Oi! That's my sheep in your backpack you bastard!
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
But the traveller wasn't going quietly, he jumped in the waterhole
And drowned under the bloody big tree
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the waterhole
Singing "Dammit! After all that I STILL didn't get into Matilda!"

Get ya head around it Seppo? ;)

Oh yeah - the topic....

When buying a computer, insist on knowing whether you can download porn with it. Ask to see the manager and demand him (or her) to demonstrate that you can. If s/he does, look shocked and say 'ohh...I just remembered it wasn't porn, it was email I wanted. Email.' Look at the screen and say very loudly: 'Oh my God, that's truly disgusting! Why do you know of these sites?'ROFL - You bastard! I have cramps in my cheeks from laughing now :D

Shop attendants really have my sympathy in general, there are so many arseholes they have to deal with on a daily basis. As long as they're not nose-in-the-air, head-up-the-arse wankers who think that because they work in a "brandname shop" they are somehow superior to all those poor plebs who keep them in a job, that is. One pet peeve of mine is people who shop in a department store and just send their kids off to play in the toy section while they shop. It's not a damn creche, you know! People want to buy new stuff, not things that have been trashed by your bratty kids! (I have actually said this to people before, they don't know what to do usually! :D)

As for me, my main job is being a parent and I bet we all know how to piss parents off :D Apart from that, my most recent job was bar staff in a nightclub. Ways to piss us off include:
1. On a really busy night, wait until you are being served before even considering what you want to drink. Then ask what we think is good. Then stare blankly at the shelf of spirits going "UUuummmm...." and grinning at your friends behind you and asking what they're having. FFS! You just stood waiting to be served for several minutes!!! Think about it while you are waiting.
2. Tap on the bar with coins, a lighter, etc. This will ensure you are served last, We can see you and are serving people we saw first...
3. Try to get "just one more" drink out of us 20 minutes after the bar has closed and we have closed the tills and are cleaning up.
4. Try for a discount on the strength of a sleazy smile and some lecherous comment. We generally know who we feel deserves discounts and hand them out if we feel like it. Hassling us after we've already said "No" is just as likely to get you kicked out.
5. Vomit anywhere other than a toilet. You wouldn't believe what pigs some people can be :eek:
6. Wave their stinking cigarettes (or worse - cigars) in my face :mad:
7. Hitting on me with a slurred "Gee, you've got great tits. Wanna drink later?" Oh yeah, I'm so turned on by the thought of brewers droop. :rolleyes:

Oh yeah, I forgot this one:9) Confuse the proffesion of 'Bartender' with 'Prostitute'.I got offered $2,000 earlier this year for a session in a hotel room. Saw the cash, too, so he wasn't entirely bulshitting, but FFS! If you have that money to spend, hire a hooker! A good way to get your wrist or thumb broken is to grab my arse while I'm at work :mad:

One of the multiple perks was I could get people kicked out - no questions asked - if they pissed me off :D Yes - YES! I AM a power tripper!!! Mwahahaha!

That's my top seven anyway :)

No worries Cobber! :D



Once a happy traveller camped by a waterhole
Under the shade of a bloody big tree
And he sang as he watched and waited for the water to boil (in the pot, which is what the "Billy" is)
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he watched and waited for the water to boil
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Along came a dumb sheep to drink at the waterhole
So the shifty traveller stuffed it in his backpack
Singing for some bizzare reason
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he shoved the sheep into his backpack
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me (*note this bit confuses me - Is Matilda the sheep? Scary :eek:)
Up rode the cappo scumbag on his fancy horse.
With three cops - count 'em - Three!
The cappo scumbag said "Oi! That's my sheep in your backpack you bastard!
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
The cappo scumbag said "Oi! That's my sheep in your backpack you bastard!
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
But the traveller wasn't going quietly, he jumped in the waterhole
And drowned under the bloody big tree
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the waterhole
Singing "Dammit! After all that I STILL didn't get into Matilda!"

Get ya head around it Seppo? ;)

Do you realize that like 5 people have commented on that Waltzing Maltilda thing? Also, that's a very classy little translation, especially the very end.
;)

For some reason I had to break my post up... Couldn't be that I'm a windbag, hey? ;) Or would that be "textbag??? :confused:

I used to be a telemarketer, too and I have found through trial and error with people ringing me at teatime that the best way to drive them nuts is to give them a friendly and polite critique of their spiel. For instance, if they say "No problem" a lot, point out that they are using two negative concepts which isn't the type of message they're really going for is it? Perhaps they could try "absolutely" instead - it's a much more positive concept to use in a sales situation, don't they think? So, hopefully, they not only leave you alone, but notice it for the rest of the day and second guess themselves constantly! Fun, fun, fun! :D

I'm enrolled to become a real estate agent next year, so I may have another list for you when I've done that for a while. :)

In answer to Jayastan and others: I'm not whinging about this, I'm laughing about it. ;)
where they do other things to your groin? Not balloon animals, I hope.I was at the Big Day Out a few years ago and one of the stages had these HUGELY fat guys dancing around wearing nothing but ballon and toy animals strategically placed. My retinas are still burned :eek:
Reminds me: when I was last in NYC, my friends suggested that I change my career to professional bdsm Dom. Whatever that is... Sounded too much like prostitution to me.Interesting friends you have :p You must be good at telling people what to do and making them suffer and like it ;) I wouldn't consider it prostitution generally, btw. Most professional Doms and Dommes don't tend to have sex with their clients. It's an entirely different kink.. :D

Do you realize that like 5 people have commented on that Waltzing Maltilda thing? Also, that's a very classy little translation, especially the very end.
;)Yeah, I realise. But my translation is soooooo stylish! ;) Thanks for the appraisal :) I love Strine. :cool:

That's my top seven anyway :)

any other funny ones? I'm a minor, no job :(, little money, but hey gives me lots of free time to waste. :)

Circle of death in Iraq

innocent civis. U.S. insurgents (yes follow the gun muzzle)
:) :sniper: :mp5:

Then after we have killed a bunch of civilians

U.S. soldiers Former civilian Iraquis now shooting us (insurgents)

:confused: :mp5: (Yes, they are shooting U.S. soldiers)

Once a happy traveller camped by a waterhole
Under the shade of a bloody big tree
And he sang as he watched and waited for the water to boil (in the pot, which is what the "Billy" is)
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he watched and waited for the water to boil
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Along came a dumb sheep to drink at the waterhole
So the shifty traveller stuffed it in his backpack
Singing for some bizzare reason
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he shoved the sheep into his backpack
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me (*note this bit confuses me - Is Matilda the sheep? Scary )
Up rode the cappo scumbag on his fancy horse.
With three cops - count 'em - Three!
The cappo scumbag said "Oi! That's my sheep in your backpack you bastard!
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
The cappo scumbag said "Oi! That's my sheep in your backpack you bastard!
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
But the traveller wasn't going quietly, he jumped in the waterhole
And drowned under the bloody big tree
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the waterhole
Singing "Dammit! After all that I STILL didn't get into Matilda!"
*giggles*
Matilda is his swag. Or.. his backpack for all you non-Aussies out there.

*Bump*

This isn't one of the classiest forums I've ever been to, but it sure as hell is the funniest. (even better than the joke forum, cuase this is about real life knuckleheads.)

OOC: does anyone get "The Edge"? It's in the Oregonian and it has one called doofus du jor, also criminally stupid. I'l tell my personal fav. in a sec. (room cleaning)

Okay here we go

(true story under the title of "doofus du jor") Man goes up to a cop and says he has just read a book on stupid criminals, as he is about to walk away, he says "There sure are some stupid people out there." At this point, the cop asks him about the bag of marijuana in his pocket.

(true story under the title of "It seems like you can't trust anyone these days") A man calls in to police reporting his car stolen. his full story is that the two men he loaned the car to for a bag of marijuana was apparently stolen. (If you can't trust druggies, who can you trust?)

Okay here we go

(true story under the title of "doofus du jor") Man goes up to a cop and says he has just read a book on stupid criminals, as he is about to walk away, he says "There sure are some stupid people out there." At this point, the cop asks him about the bag of marijuana in his pocket.

(true story under the title of "It seems like you can't trust anyone these days") A man calls in to police reporting his car stolen. his full story is that the two men he loaned the car to for a bag of marijuana was apparently stolen. (If you can't trust druggies, who can you trust?)
It's been a while Since I've seen the edge

It's been a while Since I've seen the edge

it's pretty funny huh? I don't like the pants code one tho. They repeat it evey so often so you might have seen it, i dunno.

it's pretty funny huh? I don't like the pants code one tho. They repeat it evey so often so you might have seen it, i dunno.
I'm talking like a Matter of years

I'm talking like a Matter of years

Then perhaps not. ;)

has anyone ever written a post which took more than 1 full page (spillover) or does the site stop you?

*Bump*

"What's that?"
"This my friend, is a pint."
"They come in pints? I want one!"

12736713. Say you want to pay with your bank card. Sweep it through the machine, do it the wrong way (magnet strip at the wrong side). Cashier:"Turn it around". Stand with your back to the cashier:"And now?"

12736714. Buy a case of beer. Put every single bottle on the convejor. Cashier:"Sir/Ma'am, you only need to put one bottle on the belt." "Yes, but I want a full case"...

2) When an item won't scan or doesn't have a pricecode on it making the joke, "Well I guess it's free then."Oh shit, I did that today. She made a crap joke first though, so she deserved it.

back in the 1980s, a girl I knew in college was working at a store and some guy came in and pulled his erection out and laid it on the belt in front of her (she admitted it was fairly large).

She did the first thing that came to her mind. She picked up a box of Tide and slammed it down on his piece. He immediately fainted, and she called the police.

So be careful how you piss off the cashier.

How to piss off your employees:

"I want you to look at this too, because you'll be doing this eventually."

"No, I think I'll leave at Christmas as I originally thought."

"Well, you might stay until the end of the academic year."

"No, I really want to do something more interesting and worthwhile with my second gap year, I just needed a bit of money first."

"Well, look at it anyway."

Continue in this manner throughout the two months leading up to Christmas.

How to piss off your employees:

Ask one of them to spend ages moving small coloured stickers (around 1cm diameter), from one corner of the price to another. Make sure each sticker is in the same corner of the price tag (but not the most common, choose a corner which already has no sticker in it).

Say you not allowed to tear them since there aren't anymore to use as replacements.

Another classic, for bar employees:

"New Year's Eve isn't a Bank Holiday, so you won't get double rate."

This was the company in 2000 (ie for New Year 2001) - luckily the manager agreed that this was bollocks, so doubled everyone's hours and told the payroll that we all worked more than we did. I imagine most other pub managers in this chain did the same.

Another classic, for bar employees:

"New Year's Eve isn't a Bank Holiday, so you won't get double rate."

This was the company in 2000 (ie for New Year 2001) - luckily the manager agreed that this was bollocks, so doubled everyone's hours and told the payroll that we all worked more than we did. I imagine most other pub managers in this chain did the same.

Which pub chain was it? Because if it was Scottish and Newcastle then they bloody well didn't at the pub I worked in (this place wasn't the nightmare place I mentioned in my earlier post, BTW). But then our manager was a Yorkshireman so...

I'll run you through the senario:

I was 1 hour into work, feeling quite happy with myself because I had made no blunders as of yet. Nope, even the conveyor belt was still working fine, and I had not even once jammed the reciept machine. I served some random woman after being forced to talk to her about the weather and moved on to this small family. The mother took the child to go and sit down quietly because I think he had eaten too much sugar. I scanned all of the food produce that the father handed to me until I saw in his hand a bottle of red wine. Now, when this happens because I am under 18 I have to call over the tannoy system a code 18 so someone can come and check that the person is old enough to buy it. Unfortunately the bloody tannoy on my checkout is dodgy and wouldn't work, so I had to get up and walk around to the next checkout and call it from there. Here's where it all starts, I had just called the code 18 and was placing the reciever back onto the checkout when I heard a squeal from behind me. I turned just in time to see this large bottle of wine hit the floor in musical crash, followed by a mini tidel wave of wine. What followed was an embarrassing moment with my supervisor who obviously thought I was an idiot and dropped the wine. No, the bloody retard of a man had the bottle in his bloody hand when I got up. The retard must have let go of it while I was away and watched it roll slowly off the side to then smash onto the floor. I mean wtf?

So from now on my career as a cashier is scarred, and everytime I see some dumbass waddle over to me with a bottle of wine I cringe.

Here's something amusing to do with over priced matresses. Ask the manager if you can jump on the beds to test them for your kids. if s/he says yes than do so, if s/he says no inform that that you will tell all your friends not to shop here because they are jerks. This should convince them. Now it is best to do this with muddy shoes. Say by way of conversation that you work at some biohazardous job, and that you stepped in a pile of brown toxic waste. Watch the manager cringe. Aftr you have bounced on several beds, say you don't like any of them and run out.

This works best with multiple people:

Go down to your local Toys-R-Us or other toy store and have your friends go to certain parts of the store. Bring walkie-talkies, and get your friends to find a large display of toys that have "Try Me!" buttons on it. Using the walkie-talkies, get a semi-synchronization of pressing these buttons at the same time. Repeat until someone calles the police for noise disturbances. Repeat at other toy stores until arrest/lynching by angry mob.

How to P.O. your lawyer:

1. Show up drunk for your DWI trial or stoned for a drug possession trial.
2. When ordered by a judge to attend "anger management" classes jump up and yell "Dammit, I don't have a f***ing anger management problem!"
3. When you take the stand in your own defense in a criminal trial, confess everything.
4. Tell your lawyer you were whipping up a batch of Meth in order to pay for drug re-hab.
5. Deny guilt by trying to explain that you and the 7 year old had a "serious relationship."
6. After your lawyer wins your case, refuse to pay the rest of your bill because you "obviously didn't need a lawyer."
7. Refuse to sign a property settlement agreement in a divorce because your ex-spouse is getting the cook books.
8. Demand a trial in a divorce over the issue of custody and visitation rights with the dog.
9. Explain that you are behind in child support because you're making payments on your new fiance's engagement ring.
10. Hit on his secretary.

BTW: These are all real things I've had clients do.

When you give them your card and they ask "credit or debit" say "yes".

When the hostess at a restruant says "smoking preference?" say "Marlboro Lights."

There was a guy who stole a sheep while making tea and when the cops came he decided he'd rather by drowning himself in a pond than go to jail.

So that's what Waltzing Matilda is about. Yeah, pretty much sums up Australia. No wonder they like it so much!

it took em an hour to read up to page 5, and i need to go and get ready for work now, so im just going to add a few in:

For cashier:
1. Ask taht they break your $600 order up into exactly $30 lots so that you can get 20 fuel vouchers. (people do actually do this :S)
2. Insist that they find some never heard of rare Indian spice whilst they are clearly on their break, and have a bottle of coke in there hand...\
3. After 30 mins, When they find it, remember that you still ahve a large jar of it in their pantry from 6 weeks ago that they forgot about.
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 with 10 different types of spices...


For Surf Life saver...
1. Complain that there is no surf, as if we can do anything about it
2. Insist on going and buying a bottle of vinegar for a jellyfish treatment which is treated by ice, even when we say it will only make it worse.
3. Complain to state office about how much pain you went into after putting Vinegar on a Jellyfish sting, and the surf Life Savers didnt try to stop you.
4. Drive a high powered motor boat through teh patrol area, and then complain when we try to tell you to leave


ill post more later

From my own personal experience on the receiving end after about 2 months of working as one. Feel free to share your own from your work...it's good to bitch about your job.

1. Ask if you can have something for free, then at their refusal, force them to call the manager and then leave before they get there.

2. Have a child who does stupid things like getting its fingers stuck inside a donation tin, or trying to run off with the EFTPOS (credit/bank card) machine and falling flat on their arse when the cord goes taut. Then cause a delay as the child begins to cry and ignore the fact that you actually have to pay for those goods.

3. When the EFTPOS machine lines are down, get flustered and angry at them for having to place your signature on a slip of paper.

4. Ask them to bag every single item seperately, especially if purchasing more than 20 items.

5. Overload their conveyor belt with 20+ bottles of soft drink and burn the motor out.

6. Begin to unload your groceries as normal, then shout "OH!!" and run off. Then don't come back, making them put everything back into your trolley while the queue builds up.

7. Roll your eyes at them for not knowing what the hell a Wombok or Apple Cucumber (there is such a thing) is.

8. Pay for every 10 or so items on a seperate bank card.

9. Ask for $50 cash with your transaction. $50 in coinage, that is.

10. Refuse to adknowledge any "This checkout is closing" sign, and purposefully knock it over while loading your groceries onto the conveyor.

11. When any of the above occurs and you are a customer that has waited for a long time, blame everything on the cashier. Be sure to repeatedly make cliched comments such as "It'll be christmas before I get out of here" "mumble*fuck*mumble" and "Could you move any slower?"

EDIT- Make that 12. Add up the change for them despite the fact it is displayed on a computer monitor in front of them.

I can't wait 'till i finish my degree and get a job where I don't have to deal with people.




13. Get angry when the till operator asks if you've considered accidental damage cover and theft insurance on the item. Accuse them of ripping people off and hurl any insults you like about the store's after sales service, then storm off.

14. Please, turn the demo machines up as loud as you like. Our eardrums love the challenge.

15. Walk out of the store with £1500-worth of PC base unit, and don't pay for it.

16. Complain about the store not having Apple stuff, despite there being two rows dedicated to Apple desktops and laptops, and assorted Apple or Mac-compatible gear all over the shop.

17. When the entire UK's supply of Playstation 2s gets stuck in the Suez canal, by all means blame it on our store's shitty service.

18. Complain about the USB pens being locked onto the shelves. Look like you're accusing them of thievery when they explain that it's a security measure.

19. Pay for £1000 of stuff in gift vouchers. The smaller the denomination, the better.

20. When the salesperson offers to throw a sizeable memory card in with your camera for free if you take accidental damage cover and theft insurance, ask him or her if they could throw it in without the cover. Complain when they can't.

21. Use a ticket with an incorrect price as an excuse to wave the product threateningly at the manager and shout down the shop. The manager will love you for it, and so will security.

Talk at length with the smarmiest salesman there (and it will be a he who's smarmiest) show huge interest in a very expensive product and see how many truly dreadful jokes ('Hands free? but I want to keep my hands! ha ha!') you can get him to laugh at. He will cause he thinks you going to spend a fortune.
Once he's written out the agreement et al stare at him for a few minutes blankly - he'll smile, laugh nervously and then start looking worried. Just before he gets up, say very loudly 'I don't like you. You're not my friend' and then leave the shop.

When buying a computer, insist on knowing whether you can download porn with it. Ask to see the manager and demand him (or her) to demonstrate that you can. If s/he does, look shocked and say 'ohh...I just remembered it wasn't porn, it was email I wanted. Email.' Look at the screen and say very loudly: 'Oh my God, that's truly disgusting! Why do you know of these sites?'


You, sir, are evil. Truly evil.

So I tried this once before, but it didn't work so I'll try again.

When I had tried it I had either done or known someone who had, but now that's not the case. Anyway.

Ticket Seller:

1. Insist that even though you are in a large market with large cities surrounding it and the show you are trying to watch is the most popular Broadway show in years and the first time it has been in this area, you can still get Loge (the most desirable section, which only has two rows) seats an hour before the show. Especially when you're at an outlet that is more than an hour away from the venue.

2. Insist that the price you pay for your ticket has no correlation whatsoever to where you are going to sit.

3. Be sure to indicate "good seats" or "best available" as if that is some sort of secret code that tells us to unlock the special seats we have on reserve.

4. Insist that you are getting bad seats not because you are buying the tickets the day of the show, but because the seller doesn't like you.

5. Stress that the seats you get are together as if that wouldn't be the assumption.

6. Related-ish: Don't know the name of the event, who will be there, what type of show it is, where it will be, or when-then get mad at the seller for not being able to find the show for you. (When she yelled back at her boyfriend/husband/babies daddy he came up and had the info, she snapped "Oh now you can find it. I want two seats, TOGETHER." I looked at the guy and asked, "Are you sure?" He smiled, she missed it.)

5-6a. Insist that your seats be together after the seller has told you the show is general admission like five times.

7. Show up in costume to buy tickets on the day of for the Exotic Erotic Ball. Unless you're hot. (They never are.)

8. In an area known for live performances and, again, three large cities, come in and ask, "What's going on tonight?"

9. Insist on a refund for your ticket because you forgot to go to the show. When the seller points to the no refunds and your initials by it on the ticket repeat "But I didn't see the show."

10. Be a scalper. Be a scalper who tips which compounds the seller being troubled that s/he can't kick you out of line but would have rather sold those tickets to fans.

11. When the big sign is on the window that says the line will be reorganized 15 minutes before the on-sale to prevent scalpers and people camping out at the store complain that you've been their all night when it actually happens. (I would only ever really enforce that when I saw the scalper)

12. Insist that even though there are hundreds of outlets with lines just like the one your in as well as the phones and internet during an on-sale that the seller could get better seats if they just try again. Become indignent when what the seller told you would happen (your tickets got bumped two sections back) happens.

Sorry as i am ignorant, but what the hell is a scalper?

1. Forget your work ID for numerous days, or weeks, in a row, forcing host to leave her desk to let you into the building, when she isn't supposed to leave the desk.

2. Above situation, but demand that you be given an interim card. You have probably lost your real card, but you don't want to tell the host that. Instead, you will be greeting her every morning at 7:45 to pick up a new interim badge for each day.

3. Situation number two, but your name is not in the current employee directory. Raise hell. Demand to speak to her supervisor, who will for one, not talk to you, because you are un-important, and two, will tell you the exact same thing the host is telling you. Try and make her look as bad as possible.

4. Ask the security host which nearby conference rooms are available for use at the moment. She really likes this. The host LOVES suddenly becoming responsible for planning a meeting place for people she doesn't even know, nor care about.

5. If your company decides to switch access systems-COMPLAIN!!! A lot! Especially to your security host. Because as you know, it had to have been all her idea.

6. If you were too lazy to pay attention to newsletters, and didn't get your picture taken for your new ID (I know, you only had a month a half...hard to work 5 minutes into that time frame, isn't it)...you should go to the security host and say something like "I had no idea this was going on!" "I was on vacation!" (For a month and a half?) "Who is in charge of all this???" (I then give my boss's boss's name. I'm sure he would be THRILLED to deal with you. Also called, guess what-you're fired). "I can NOT even begin to tell you what an inconvenience this is!" (Like everyone coming and complaining is REALLY convenient for me.)

7. Call access control and tell them you are "Mission Critical" and you need your new access card right away. We later look you up to discover that you are FAAARRR from "critical."

8. Ask the security host questions she doesn't know the answer to. "I got my picture taken for my ID yesterday, where can I pick it up." Do I LOOK like I am in the access control office? No, I didn't think so. I don't have a clue, and he won't tell me. Go ask him yourself.

9. Come in for an interview or meeting, and make sure you forget the person's last name. This is very helpful for the security host. Its better when you say "Judy...I don't remember her last name." Um...there are thousands of employees here...and I am pretty damn positive there isn't just ONE Judy. Sorry bud. Outta luck.

10. Make sure you shove your ID badge in the security hosts face. Since you do this every day, she has surely forgotten who you are, and MUST see your ID badge-up close-once again.

There are so many more....one by one these things aren't so bad...but when you hear them over and over and over every day....it gets a little irritating.

Sorry as i am ignorant, but what the hell is a scalper?

A scalper buys a bunch of tickets and then resells them for his/her own profit.

You, sir, are evil. Truly evil.

indeed he is, but he is also a verrrrrrry funny prankster. As such, I declare Demented Hampster the King of Pranksters! *dum da da dum* There is no cash prize and the "king" is castrated and thrown to hungry rats, but other than that it is an honor.


paid for by PLAPB (Patheitc Losers Against Pranksters in Bobslovakia)

A scalper buys a bunch of tickets and then resells them for his/her own profit.

O, i hate that sort of thing, the funny bit is, if the play is a flop, and the guy bought like 100 tickets, heh,heh, heh. Royally screwed.

As a rock climbing insructor:

1 fall
2 die

As a rock climbing insructor:

1 fall
2 die

Just out of curiosuity, how many deaths have you had? Also, do you get sued by the family, or do you make them sign a waiver?

bumpity bump

Reminds me: when I was last in NYC, my friends suggested that I change my career to professional bdsm Dom. Whatever that is... Sounded too much like prostitution to me.Interesting friends you have :p You must be good at telling people what to do and making them suffer and like it ;) I wouldn't consider it prostitution generally, btw. Most professional Doms and Dommes don't tend to have sex with their clients. It's an entirely different kink.. :D

You pretty much have to be interesting to have a serious friendship with me. :D Anyway I know what it is, being an amateur one. ;) And I can be sadistic, to a masochist, although I am rather nice and gentle and polite otherwise. And I am good at convincing people of what I want, although not so much here, where most people have their opinions tatooed to their brains. And S&m is sexual, even if there is no physical contact.

bumpity, bump, bump, bumpity bump bump, look at ...

bumpity, bump, bump, bumpity bump bump, look at ...

Frosty go. Bumpity, bump, bump, bumpity, bump, bump, look at Frosty go.

For the teachers, just some of the things i did a few years ago:

1) For english class, forget your books and homework ... for a month. (it wasn't even on purpose).

2) Follow ancient greek, fall asleep during every lesson in the last semester. At the end of the semester there are two big test in a row: one grammar, one about the text they translated during the semester. Start studying grammar the day before the first test and the following day when receiving the questions make the clever remark "ow, i think i studied grammar yesterday" when you see it's about the text.

3) Receive 80% on that test while the teacher knows you never payed attention and never studied it. Make sure you don't miss the expression on his face when he gives back the test.

4) Start studying dutch at 14.00 for the exam. Make sure to do this in your bed so you fall asleep and wake up late in the evening and still have to start studying. The following day, make sure you have to discuss a play you don't know anything about for your oral examination. Do get a good score by deriving the story from the questions asked and by some calculated guesses.

5) On fryday, during the exams, you and your friend try to guess which exam it will be monday, french or dutch. Agree that it is dutch and make your french exam monday.

6) For your oral examination of french you have 10 minutes preparation time. Make sure you arive 5 mins late and are welcomed by "ah, monsieur ..., vous êtes en retard!". Do well.

7) A year later, if you have oral examination of the same teacher, make sure you enter in such a way that he says that 'you walk in like you are in a discotheke'.

8) Fail your exam esthetics by achieving a 42.5% in the first semester. Get people to give you lots of beer if you 'double your score', also make sure every teacher in the school knows about this scheme. Then decide it's still not worth working hard for it so only start the day before your exam and miss 20 crates of beer by only a few points.

9) When your religion teacher tells you her view on god, start a logical discourse from her view. Make sure she agrees on each step and only stop until you have proven that her views lead to the non-existance of god.

10) When you see your history teacher on the streets and he askes how far you are with the work he gave you 7 months ago - with 2 days left for the deadline - tell him you'll start tomorrow. Make sure you get a 100% on his exam at the end of the year.

11) When you have to do a yearwork for religion, start a day before the deadline by copying a website that goes about 'how the vatican is evil'. Just cut and paste, no editing.

12) Make sure that this religion teacher writes more back than you wrote to him for every essay you have to write.

13) For a gym test you have to run as much as you can in 12 mins. You have not been able to do anything for more than a month because you had injured yourself during soccer. When the teacher says you get 2 chances, decide you still want to try to go for the 3200 m, which gives you 10/10 and a few crates of beer. Stop after 7 and a half mins because you feel tired after 2400 m. Make sure to get injured for the second try.

14) The year later, the teacher decides to award those that do better than the year before by giving 1 point extra per 100 m extra. get 18/10 this time.

9) When your religion teacher tells you her view on god, start a logical discourse from her view. Make sure she agrees on each step and only stop until you have proven that her views lead to the non-existance of god.


Please tell me ow you did this! There are some strong believing (I'm a Christian, but a highly sceptical one) Christians at my school, that I would love to do this to. As soon as I would have left them in this position, I would walk off. Next day, no more religious extremists.
:D

Please tell me ow you did this! There are some strong believing (I'm a Christian, but a highly sceptical one) Christians at my school, that I would love to do this to. As soon as I would have left them in this position, I would walk off. Next day, no more religious extremists.
:D

Hmm, I went to a Catholic school. I didn't go that far, but I quite enjoyed getting the teacher to explain the whole Sodom and Gommorah thing once..."Is it true that God burnt all the gay people?" "No, it wasn't because they were gay, it was because they turned their back on God." "But they turned their back on God by having gay relationships, right? And what's this here, someone is offering their daughter as a prostitute to try and convince the gay people otherwise? So offering your daughter as a whore isn't a sin?" "Uhh..." *teacher changes subject*

Please tell me ow you did this! There are some strong believing (I'm a Christian, but a highly sceptical one) Christians at my school, that I would love to do this to. As soon as I would have left them in this position, I would walk off. Next day, no more religious extremists.
:D

I'ts been a while, but it goes as followed:
1) analyse his or her (from now on, his) views on god, religion or anything that might be usefull.
2) Examine the consequences of her views, search for contradictions and in some cases, you can find a way to show that these views lead to the non-existance of god. In my case, her problem was that she still believed in a god, but had a lot of secular views on the world. The secular views on the world contradicted some of her views on god. So i started from these views and made sure that she agreed 100% with those that i used.
3) Start from what he agrees with 100%, go slowly and make him agree on every single step. Make sure every step is backed up in case he does not agree at first when you show a consequence of his views. Don't take steps that are too big: you want him to agree in the end and you want to hide your intentions for as long as possible.
4) Smile when you hear the escape 'but god is a metaphore for the good in all of us'. Make a few remarks about why anyone should spend time worshipping such a god, but as this is his last escape he wont react.

bump?

Just out of curiosuity, how many deaths have you had? Also, do you get sued by the family, or do you make them sign a waiver?

In my time working as a climbing instructor we have had no deaths, only one significant fall (on a day I wasn't there) and one climbing related injury. We had more people get hurt on the hike to the rocks every week than were injured on the rocks all summer. A waiver is signed by their parents (we are a youth based camp, we run girls camps half of the summer and Boy scouts the other half) saying that the group they travel with and the Camp is not resoponsible, but we are still liable as individualls, and a waiver won't hold up if the other party involved has more money that you do, and we were not a rich establishment.

In my time working as a climbing instructor we have had no deaths, only one significant fall (on a day I wasn't there) and one climbing related injury. We had more people get hurt on the hike to the rocks every week than were injured on the rocks all summer. A waiver is signed by their parents (we are a youth based camp, we run girls camps half of the summer and Boy scouts the other half) saying that the group they travel with and the Camp is not resoponsible, but we are still liable as individualls, and a waiver won't hold up if the other party involved has more money that you do, and we were not a rich establishment.

Yes, power and money can do that. When people say "Might doesn't make right." I laugh. Look at the U.S. government. They have managed to take an untruth and turn it into a truth. ;)

I love this topic! BUMP!

Am I allowed to bump this again?

Am I allowed to bump this again?

Yeah, but you might want to give up. I have no funny stories :(

I remember back in the day when Lt. Blazek came back from Ranger School, and was constantly trying to impress us with "the way the Rangers do it".

Well, one day during urban warfare training, we were confronted with having to cross to another building, and he didn't want to go downstairs and across to do it. He said glibly, "We'll leap from building to building, the way the Rangers do it!"

Our platoon sergeant encouraged him to demonstrate, which the LT did, from the roof. He plummeted into the street below and broke his legs. The battalion XO came by about 30 minutes later, as the LT was being carried away on a stretcher and he told the LT, "A Ranger never cries!"

We all got a big laugh out of that.

I am a cashier, and my store is right next to a retirement home, and LCBO/Beer store combo. We get soooo many and/or senile bastards. I swear that cashiers should be given a tazer. I'll actually contribute something


1. When you see staff standing in line with food in their hands on their 15 minute break, LOUDLY demand they take you to an item on the other side of the store. If they mearly tell you where it is, tell them you'll get lost along the way.

bump

1. When you see staff standing in line with food in their hands on their 15 minute break, LOUDLY demand they take you to an item on the other side of the store. If they mearly tell you where it is, tell them you'll get lost along the way.

OMG YES!!! Damn I hate that!!!! :mad: And even when I truthfully tell them I don't know where something is, they get shitty and start a tantrum. Ah, I'm glad i'm not the only one it happens to.

And sure, you can bump this thread. I'm honoured actually :p

Ways to piss off a freelance writer, all of which happen to me

1.Don't return your messages even when they have left you more than one and repeatedly told you when their deadline is

2.Advertise your phone number to call for information, but then never go to your office

3.Have no answering maching or voice mail so that they have to spend their whole day trying to call you back

4.Stay closed for a week after Christmas, so no one can get a hold of you

5.Say you don't want to do an interview, which would give you free publicity for your new store, because you think the editor will edit your quote. Ours doesn't.

6.Tell them you will send them the information they need for an article later in the day, and then don't. This happened to me today.

7.Tell them you aren't the best person to talk to, and then give them two other people to call, one of which is out of town, and one whose number is no longer in service

8.Tell them you don't have time to sit there and answer questions like this

9.Look at them as if they write for the National Enquirer and act as if making a comment will slander you

Ways to piss off your foreign ESL teacher in Japan:
(a quick note for those who don't know: Japan's English education system sucks and a combination of that and cultural factors gives many Japanese an "English complex". Most of my classes are small groups (1-4 students), in a casual setting.)

1) Walk into class and announce "I hate English and I hate Americans."
2) When asked to study and remember a set of vocabulary words for 1 minute, look at them for 10 seconds and say "ready!" If the teacher quizes you on them, forget them all.
3) Come into class and announce you want to use a completely different and inappropriate text book.
4) Complain to the sales staff that your lessons are too easy, even when you haven't passed one. Bully the staff into letting you take the standard level promotion test. When you fail, complain it was too difficult.
5) Complain that your 2 year old child's teacher isn't teaching him to speak in complete sentences, especially when said child speaks in one word "sentences" in Japanese.

(More where this comes from... ;))

Ways to piss off a freelance writer, all of which happen to me

Oh, I can really relate to those. I studied journalism this year and the majority of my coursework was basically freelance article writing. The no. 1 memory:

My train was cancelled (the whole line shut down due to someone committing suicide while in their car and messing up a train crossing, i'm sure you can work out the details which I was unaware of at the time), so I called the people I had an interview with, to no avail. I left several messages on their answering machine asking them to call me back, but I got no reply, so on my final message, I explained the situation and asked if I could reschedule the date.

The next day, I get a call from someone at university, asking if they could speak to me in person. Well, I wondered what this was about. It was the deputy-head of the department of communications (or something) and they had received a very angry call from the person I was meant to interview at my no-show and I was asked to explain myself. I explained my situation and also the fact that I left several messages on their answering machine. I got told that I should get a car as soon as possible if I intended to continue the subject. I explained that I was 17 and that is impossible (you need to be 18 for a solitary drving licence). "Whatever, just dont make our department look bad again" The call the person made must have been a classic, because no-one has heard of anyone reacting like that before.

Wow. I never thought journalism would be so much trouble. I got an interview with someone else and managed to get 92% for that assignment, but I sure as hell have ditched that as a career pathway.

Wow, that was really unfair. I am not necessarily looking at journalism per se as my career, i just want to write. Right now, this is the best thing i can do to make some money as a writer. Though i do send out poetry manuscripts and have self-published two. I like doing freelance, i just get into panic mode when i haven't gotten in touch with anyone by Wednesday, because my deadline is on Thursday. My editor is very understanding though, she writes articles for the paper too, so she often has the same problem.

As for the poster who said we could just quit, i love my job, but that doesn't mean that i am not entitled to get annoyed about certain aspects of it. During certain weeks, i have spent the entire week trying to contact people i need. Even when i leave them messages, i still make sure to call them again myself, just in case they didn't the message. What bugs me the most is that usually i am calling businesses to talk to people and i call during business hours, so you think someone would be there to talk to. This is the problem i am having this week. I don't have an answering machine or voice mail, so if i am waiting for a call, i stay home all day, even if there is stuff i need to do, just so they won't call and find no one home. I have often put my entire fucking day on hold for these people. I realize they are busy, but that doesn't change the fact that i have a deadline to meet.

That turned into more of a rant than i had planned, sorry about that...lol. If this was Monday, i wouldn't even be bothered by it.

Ways to piss off your foreign ESL teacher in Japan:
(a quick note for those who don't know: Japan's English education system sucks and a combination of that and cultural factors gives many Japanese an "English complex". Most of my classes are small groups (1-4 students), in a casual setting.)

1) Walk into class and announce "I hate English and I hate Americans."
2) When asked to study and remember a set of vocabulary words for 1 minute, look at them for 10 seconds and say "ready!" If the teacher quizes you on them, forget them all.
3) Come into class and announce you want to use a completely different and inappropriate text book.
4) Complain to the sales staff that your lessons are too easy, even when you haven't passed one. Bully the staff into letting you take the standard level promotion test. When you fail, complain it was too difficult.
5) Complain that your 2 year old child's teacher isn't teaching him to speak in complete sentences, especially when said child speaks in one word "sentences" in Japanese.

(More where this comes from... ;))
While we're on the subject. Ways to piss off your Assistant Language Teacher in Japan:

1)Walk up to him five minutes before class and utter the question, "So, have any ideas?"
2)While on the way to class, utter the question, "So, have any ideas?"
3)Translate everything the ALT says into Japanese, even if what he said is something the students should understand.
4)When the ALT actually does come up with an idea, dismiss it as "too hard for the students".
5)When the ALT shows up for work, say, "Oh, sorry, you have no classes today."

That last one really burns me.

WEll, I used to work for Chick-fil-a at a mall years back, so here's some good ones...

1. Go up to the cashier 5 minutes before close, and complain until he agrees to take your order. After he informs you that you will have to wait a few minutes for nuggets, tell him you want 4 #5s (12 pack nugget combos). When they get them to you, bitch about the fries not being hot enough. Then go write a nasty letter to the manager.

(Yes, it happened to me)

2. Tell them you want a number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8. Make sure when you do this there are at least 15 people behind you. Then laugh and run off like a clever little asshole.

3. Stand in line for 15 minutes waiting to be served, and then when you get up there say "Umm, give me a second, I need to decide what I want."

4. Stand there and talk on a cell phone while telling the cashier to hush eveyr time he asks what you want.***

*** Someone did this to me, and after the third time they told me to hush I jumped over the counter, and attacked them, which resulted in me being arrested for assault, as well as being fired. However, I laid out the prick. Good for me.


Enjoy.

you'd think this would be tough- but most people never think of:

Ways to Piss Off a restaurant Dishwasher

a: Customers
1. Wear bright lipstick. Make sure it smears on everything you touch, such as a white coffee cup.

2. Send back your glasses, complaining they're smudged (simplest with water, best with expensive cocktails)

3. Complain to anyone who will listen about the water spots on your silverware

4. Exclaim "This wine glass smells terrible!" loudly. [It's entirely possible that it will smell. Seriously.]

b: Staff
5. Don't scrape any food off the plates when you bring them back. Stack them firmly, food sandwiched between plates.

6. If your dishwasher has a system of organization, ignore it. Deliberately put silverware where it doesn't belong.

7. Break stuff. Or make it likely that your dishwashers will.

8. Rat on him to the Chef or general manager.

5. Overload their conveyor belt with 20+ bottles of soft drink and burn the motor out.

Oh that one's a classic. Giant Eagle hates me.

OOC: Having spent two years as a part-time 'Customer Assistant' at my local Tesco, I have a few more to add to the list.

1) When using a self-service checkout, completely ignore any advice given to you by the checkout and any staff nearby. When something goes wrong, single out the least trained memebr of staff for help. After all that, complain that 'That stupid machine scanned my grapes three times', when you clearly did it yourself. Demand a full refund immediately, and refuse to go to the Customer Services desk just next to the exit to do so.

2) When asked if you want any help packing your shopping, reply "No thanks, you're alright". Its not me that's bloody packing. It's you. MORON. Wait until at least ten items are at the end of the conveyor before attempting to open a bag, then spend five minutes trying to do so.

3) Go up to the Customer Service desk and complain because there are no trolleys in the front bay. Ensure that the only person on the desk is on the telephone at the same time. When told that a member of staff would be a couple of minutes bringing more trolleys, demand that one be fetched for you immediately. When then told that no one could do so, demand to speak to the store manager. When told the store manager has gone home. Demand to know why, then walk out when reminded that it's 3am.

4) When a cashier has no green light on his till, two 'This checkout is closing. Please use another checkout displaying a green light' signs, a gate shutting off the lane, and is in the process of closing down after a twelve hour shift, ask him if he is closing.

5) Demand a full refund plus £20 'petrol money' when returning an item worth £2.50 with no proof of purchase, especially when the store you are returning it to hasn't sold that item for three years.

6) When looking for help with an electrical item, especially if asking which of two is a better purchase, completely ignore the huge 'Electrical Help & Advice' sign, walk to almost the other end of the store, and ask a member of staff who is talking on a mobile phone, carrying a basket of shopping, and wearing a coat. When the member of staff informs you that he finished his shift twenty minutes ago, and is on the phone to his girlfriend, demand help, start shouting, then make a complaint to the nearest manager, who promptly tells the customer to 'shut up'.

7) If you want to pick a fight with a member of staff because there are no trolleys, choose the prop from the local rugby team. Then procede to insult another member of staff from a different department who has to be restrained to prevent her from hitting you. Then start a fight with the security guard, who, unsurprisingly, was not hired for his people skills. Next start shouting at the Security Manager, who also happens to be Duty Manager. Finally leave when the Security manager tells you that you can either walk out or be bounced out.


And a couple of stories from the other side - ways to piss off a customer:

1) If an overweight customer complains that larger sized clothing is not reduced as much as the smaller items, inform them that's because larger sizes use a lot more material, so cost more. Tell them that if they lost weight, they could pay less for their clothes. (This was my manager who somehow managed to keep his job)

2) When a customer tries to jump the queue at the Customer Service desk by queuing the other side of the barriers, completely ignore them, even if the actual queue is gone. Even answer the phone right in front of the customer, then go and help someone else. After about twenty minutes, tell the customer that they actually need to go to the Clothing Desk for a refund on Clothing.

3) Answer the Customer Services telephone "Underground Airlines, Captain Mole speaking". Well, it didn't piss them off, but they were laughing too hard to actually ask me the question they rang up to ask.

I used to work in the distribution office for our local newspaper (that's jsut where you supply the delivery kids with papers and rubber bands), and lemme tell you, when you're waking up at two every morning, bundling papers, and loading them into vans, you're pretty fuckin' cranky all the time, and thus, you're not hard to piss off. here are the things that made me want to rip my hair out, and my bosses hair out.

1) Sometime around, eight o clock in the morning, when the office is about to close down, call in complaining that you didn't receive your paper at the correct time. When the guy in distribution asks if you ever received a paper, say yes you did, but it didn't come at the correct time. (the dead line for paper delivery is usually nine in the morning) When asked what the problem was, say that every morning you go for a jog, and on the jog you get the mail, and the paper, and if the paper isn't there by the time you arrive there on your jog, you simply cannot read it. It's as good as never coming! The guy in the office will either hang up and go home to go back to sleep, or act liek they give a shit, saying they'll tell the delivery kid to do something about it, and then never get around to doing it.

2) Call up demanding a subscitption to "your fabulous paper" and when the guy on the other side says he's sorry, but he called the wrong number, he has to call managment for that, and that the two lines arn't on the same router, so they'll just have to make a different call, say "Oh no! I was hoping you could do it for me. I like you!" the guy on the other side will get creeped out and lock their doors and windows every night until the day they die, no matter where they live.

3) Egg the black vans we deliver the bundles to the delivery kids house with. That fucking pisses us off.

4) Call up and complain. Yeah, I know it's my job, but seriously, it's five in the god damn morning! I don't want to listen to you bitch! I'm not paid extra!

And here are a few from when I still worked at a music intrument store.

1) Quote American Pie. We laugh on the outside, but we die a little inside.

2) QUIT PUTTING SHIT IN THE TUBAS! This one time, some asshole thought it was funny to put wet paper towel wads in the tuba. I mean, yeah, it's witty the first time, but you can seriously ruin a tuba doing that, and those are so expensive.

3) (okay, this one didn't piss me off, it was jsut really funny) Take your guitar into the shop, saying there's some problem with how it plays. The kid working on it can pick it apart, and find absolutelly nothing wrong with it. Call the person in, and ask them to demonstrate what they're doing that doesn't sound right. Well, it just turned out this guy couldn't play guitar...I mean...at all. he was completelly serious too.

4) Sit down and "test out" a drum kit for hours and hours and hours, until the store closes. It's way better if you can't drum.

That's about it. They seem a bit tame, but when I was working at these places, it was sheer terror when people did this.

This is completely random, but sorta on-topic. I've never done it or heard of it done, but it would be damn funny if it was.

Call tech support about something. Speak through one of those voice-transformer thingies that makes you sound like a robot. If asked what the hell you think you're doing, explain that you are a musician and you just got back from covering Kraftwerk, and you can't get out of your robot voice. Say it all in a monotone.

This is completely random, but sorta on-topic. I've never done it or heard of it done, but it would be damn funny if it was.

Call tech support about something. Speak through one of those voice-transformer thingies that makes you sound like a robot. If asked what the hell you think you're doing, explain that you are a musician and you just got back from covering Kraftwerk, and you can't get out of your robot voice. Say it all in a monotone.
This made me think of something that was happening to a friend of mine, but is still not related.

His phone number was apparently very close to the tech support of some company. After a while he started to get frustrated and, being a techie, decided to just run with it. He would ask for serial numbers, do something that at least would sound like he was trouble shooting and then say that the part had to be sent in. He would then give a random address.

The address was made up, so they'd get their part back for those concerned with karma. It was pretty funny.

Ways to piss off your foreign ESL teacher in Japan


Wow. I was actually considering that as a job until now. I guess teaching is the same no-matter where you go :)


Wow, that was really unfair. I am not necessarily looking at journalism per se as my career, i just want to write. Right now, this is the best thing i can do to make some money as a writer. Though i do send out poetry manuscripts and have self-published two. I like doing freelance, i just get into panic mode when i haven't gotten in touch with anyone by Wednesday, because my deadline is on Thursday. My editor is very understanding though, she writes articles for the paper too, so she often has the same problem.

Yeah. It's not a *bad* career, I just wouldn't be able to handle the pressure.


During certain weeks, i have spent the entire week trying to contact people i need. Even when i leave them messages, i still make sure to call them again myself, just in case they didn't the message. What bugs me the most is that usually i am calling businesses to talk to people and i call during business hours, so you think someone would be there to talk to. This is the problem i am having this week. I don't have an answering machine or voice mail, so if i am waiting for a call, i stay home all day, even if there is stuff i need to do, just so they won't call and find no one home. I have often put my entire fucking day on hold for these people. I realize they are busy, but that doesn't change the fact that i have a deadline to meet.

Yeah. I had enough trouble with an article every two weeks. My main problem was that I was *never* home during business hours and I had to make phonecalls while travelling, etc. Very painful. At the end of it, I resorted to thinking of an issue, and E-mailing quite a few organisations. I'd usually get at least two responses.

That turned into more of a rant than i had planned, sorry about that...lol. If this was Monday, i wouldn't even be bothered by it.

That's the purpose of this thread :)


*** Someone did this to me, and after the third time they told me to hush I jumped over the counter, and attacked them, which resulted in me being arrested for assault, as well as being fired. However, I laid out the prick. Good for me.

It's hard to tell whether you're being serious, because I truly know the feeling of wanting to do the same. lol

OOC: Having spent two years as a part-time 'Customer Assistant' at my local Tesco, I have a few more to add to the list.


LOL, those were good. I can only relate to no.4, but give it time. :p


And here are a few from when I still worked at a music intrument store.


lol, OK, i'm sort-of guilty of doing something similar. I went with a friend to check out some guitars, and we did the usual "can we try these on an amp?" "sure, sure" Not bad, we decided. But we thought we'd put them to the real test and see how they sounded two steps down. (bought a tuner with us) We quite liked some of the ones we tried, but they were a bit out of our price range, so we didn't bother tuning them back and we left them for other customers to sample. I'm sure the poor bastard who had to fix those guitars up wasn't too happy though.

Testing out a guitar pedal and making sure you get some nice feedback screeches is fun too.

This is completely random, but sorta on-topic. I've never done it or heard of it done, but it would be damn funny if it was.

Call tech support about something. Speak through one of those voice-transformer thingies that makes you sound like a robot. If asked what the hell you think you're doing, explain that you are a musician and you just got back from covering Kraftwerk, and you can't get out of your robot voice. Say it all in a monotone.

LOL, that would be funny. Unfortunately, i've tried speaking through a computer over the phone before, and it doesnt work very well :(

Oh, no-one follows the 10 items rule. We have people come through with trolleys. Standard policy is to serve them to avoid making a fuss, because people get really shitty if you say something. The correct response to this, said with the nicest smile possible and the sweetest and loudest tone you can manage, is "Which 10 of ALL those items do you want to pay for, sir/ma'am?"

The correct response to this, said with the nicest smile possible and the sweetest and loudest tone you can manage, is "Which 10 of ALL those items do you want to pay for, sir/ma'am?"

lol :p

To be fair, most of the time people come through the express lane with trolleys is when we're bored and wave them through. Sometimes you get people who are new to the country and aren't used to it, so i'll serve them anyway and let them know for the future. It's pretty rare that you get arseholes pushing their way through, but it does happen. I'll remember that one next time it happens :D

It's been good lately though. It seemed to pick-up just before christmas, but all the wankers who only venture out at that time to buy presents seem to have retreated back into their caves. :)

lol, OK, i'm sort-of guilty of doing something similar. I went with a friend to check out some guitars, and we did the usual "can we try these on an amp?" "sure, sure" Not bad, we decided. But we thought we'd put them to the real test and see how they sounded two steps down. (bought a tuner with us) We quite liked some of the ones we tried, but they were a bit out of our price range, so we didn't bother tuning them back and we left them for other customers to sample. I'm sure the poor bastard who had to fix those guitars up wasn't too happy though.

Hee, yeah. Say "Oh, I wanna play some Napalm Death, so I have to tune down!"
:D

Testing out a guitar pedal and making sure you get some nice feedback screeches is fun too.
Of course! You have to be a bit more fair and give them some warning though... Say Merzbow is your hero, and keep trying to steer the conversation to the topic of K. K. Null.

Hee, yeah. Say "Oh, I wanna play some Napalm Death, so I have to tune down!"
:D

Of course! You have to be a bit more fair and give them some warning though... Say Merzbow is your hero, and keep trying to steer the conversation to the topic of K. K. Null.

:D It depends on the store though. I'm sure certain places would relish the increased customer intake from a screaming wah pedal. Typically you don't find many "normal" music stores stocking decent ones anyway. (It's a rule of life, the seedy, dilapidated looking store in the back-alley always has better stuff than the massive store everyone has heard of :))

:D It depends on the store though. I'm sure certain places would relish the increased customer intake from a screaming wah pedal. Typically you don't find many "normal" music stores stocking decent ones anyway. (It's a rule of life, the seedy, dilapidated looking store in the back-alley always has better stuff than the massive store everyone has heard of :))
Ooh! Ooh! I have a story! Pick me!

I went into a big nationwide chain guitar shop, and asked them to get down a bass for me. They did. I went over to where they had a selection of Digitech effects in a pedalboard, and an amp. I then proceeded to set the bass on top of the amp and engage half of the pedalboard, and fool with droney ambience by fiddling with the pedal knobs. I was doing it pretty quietly, so nobody really paid any notice to what I was using the bass for. I then unplugged it and just ran the stereo out from the last pedal of the chain into the first pedal's in jack. Instant noise performance. I still kept it down out of courtesy, and I didn't get kicked out or anything, but I got some pretty odd looks from the other customers...

Ooh! Ooh! I have a story! Pick me!

lol.

One i like to use: Get a muff pedal (settings dont matter), turn on the amp's imbuilt distortion, then step on a wah.

That noise would wake the dead. An aurally pleasant blend of screech, static, echo and nuclear explosion.

lol.

One i like to use: Get a muff pedal (settings dont matter), turn on the amp's imbuilt distortion, then step on a wah.

That noise would wake the dead. An aurally pleasant blend of screech, static, echo and nuclear explosion.
I messed around with the Digitech Auto-Wah thingie in the loop, and it made some pretty odd noises. Most of them were extremely unpleasant noises that sounded sort of like "brap!", but some ended up interesting. One sounded a bit like a factory that squirted things out of nozzles.

On a related yet even more off-topic note, I managed to get a distortion, a reverb, and a chorus edal into a feedback loop in a certain way that messing with a certain knob allowed me to use it as a synthesizer. Except it's hard to play by twirling a knob. I wish I could make it work again.

On a related yet even more off-topic note, I managed to get a distortion, a reverb, and a chorus edal into a feedback loop in a certain way that messing with a certain knob allowed me to use it as a synthesizer. Except it's hard to play by twirling a knob. I wish I could make it work again.
lol, that's cool. My distortion pedal can pick up AM radio, but nothing else spectacular :p

lol, that's cool. My distortion pedal can pick up AM radio, but nothing else spectacular :p
:D
My friend once tried to get it amplified enough that he could actually listen to the radio through his pedals. It didn't work.

There were a ton of instances of idiocy by customers but most of them I forget, because after 5 years of taking that kind of bull you don't care anymore. If I get angry and raise my voice at them, I lost. I think the customer's objective is to tick me off anyways, so I make it my mission to remain calm. This regular poker face I get when they are shouting at me get's spit out the question. Are you new here? Even after 4 years of taking this kind of idiocy I just say yes. That way they can shutup and not complain to the manager that they thier problem is thier own.

I had one incident where my register line was super long and this person gave me $100 bill for a $5 purchase. The Cash management people wouldn't respond to my flashing light so I close the register and run to the podium where one is standing. I give her the 100 and she's busy with another transaction. Meanwhile this old overwieight woman is asking for something I don't know where it is and I tell her, "I don't know it's not my department, get someone else from that department, I am running the register now." She said, "You're not doing anything now." I said I am waiting for my change and I goto get back. The lady says, "I'm going to report you to the manager because you don't know what you are doing." At that I just wanted to deck her flat on the ground or quit my stupid job. She started shouting at me as I recieved the change and ran away back to my register with the long line. While I was in the process of running back to my register she told the CSM that, "I should be fired for not doing anything and that I was lazy." The irony of here stupid idiotic ignorant statement. I do absolutely everything in the entire store. I just don't have time to divide into clones and help her find something I don't know what she's talking about and waste 10 other people's time.

I had other idiotic statements, like "You don't know how to do your job, why is your department a mess." Um, because I run the register, push carts, pull freight, unload trucks and other things the managers make me do besides my department." That's what I thought but I didn't say. I just said, "Have, a nice day."

Every time they tell me I don't know how to do my job when sweat is pouring down from my face I think of this and just blankly stare at them while they go on thier powertrip.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt
"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910


Where is this store, and do they still exist and are they hiring?

:D
My friend once tried to get it amplified enough that he could actually listen to the radio through his pedals. It didn't work.

Nah, you can barely hear it. Once the novelty wore off, It became a pain when trying to play something and then hearing classical music in the background. I can get around it by changing the tone setting though.

Nah, you can barely hear it. Once the novelty wore off, It became a pain when trying to play something and then hearing classical music in the background. I can get around it by changing the tone setting though.
I'd bet it got annoying!
About to go into some evil grindcore song or something, when suddenly, Vivaldi starts playing out of nowhere...
That's like this one radio I used to have that alway played this one Spanish-language station in the backgroud, no matter what it was tuned to. It got old fast.

Where is this store, and do they still exist and are they hiring?

Wow, i've never met anyone that desperate for work :p

I'd bet it got annoying!
About to go into some evil grindcore song or something, when suddenly, Vivaldi starts playing out of nowhere...
That's like this one radio I used to have that alway played this one Spanish-language station in the backgroud, no matter what it was tuned to. It got old fast.

Well, not quite that bad. But if I was playing slow, I could often hear the tinkle of a piano in the background. And it wasn't even haunting piano :mad:

I work in my family business. As you can guess, this means it is small. At the very very most, there will be six people there. Most days, there is one person there. I love my job so much, and there are many things people do that amuse me. If you get me on a bad day, however, it will annoy me.

1 Please do not express your lack of faith in me, then ask a stupidly specific question.

2 Don't comment on my youth, ask if the boss is my father, KNOW and REALISE the boss is my father and then wink at me. Firstly, I don't enjoy being winked at by bloated sixty-year-old customers; secondly, my father, who I have acknowledged as such, is still in the room. Have a bit of consideration for him as well.
3 Please don't wink at me a second time. I didn't drop to my knees and unzip your pants the first time; chances are you won't have any more luck this time. (No. This is never funny.)

4 Please don't abuse me for not putting through your 40c purchase when I am currently aiding another customer who is immensely physically/mentally disabled. I care much more for a polite, kind, friendly customer who requires a bit of assistance so that they can, for example, breathe, or move; than I do for some rude cow who can't wait three seconds for something she would live without for the rest of her life.

5 Please don't stare agape at the urine bags somebody has just bought and then turn to them. We sell MEDICAL supplies. That man can't control his flow of urine? Quick, turn and stare at him. No, please, do!
I much prefer a customer with a lack of control of the bladder, to a customer who can't control their eyes/mouth. (This is never funny. Abusing me, sometimes funny. Making me feel awkward, sometimes funny. To a customer? No, go away. We don't want customers like you.)

6 Please don't fondle our sterile surgical supplies with dirty hands. We don't like that much.

7 Please do not intentionally break our medical supplies. They are expensive.

8 Please do not accidentally break something which costs more than $100, then joke about it. It comes out of our household budget when you break things.

9 Please don't waste our time pretending to know what you're talking about when you don't even know the difference between a syringe and a needle. Don't worry, it's not a crime to not know these things.

But most of them are awesome and funny and kind. There's just the occasional thing that happens.. most of the time you catch me on a good day, though, so, y'know. I live.

Anyone done sign holding yet?...if not I got a few thiongs that have happened to me that pisses off sign holders....(sign holders are the people that stand on the sidewalk with the BIG-ASS SIGN that says "SALE/DEMO AT PLACE OF BUSINESS")


1: Asking him directions, then getting angry and peeling away from him when he obviously is trying to not fall into/onto/in front of your car, cause the wind just kicked up to 20 mph in 1-2 sec flat and the sign is trying to do it's impression of Free Willy:Simpsons version on someones car and take you with it.

2: Asking him if he's warm, when it about 42 F and raining like a cold shower...for whales.

3: Saying, 'Wow, yer job is easy.' Folks if having to, fer 8 hours mind ya, stand holding a 10-pound sign in one hand, and wave at you while you pass by giving him the finger is fun, I should just shoot myself.

4: Purposely veering close to him just so you can try and scare him/hit his sign. It don't work on me and my signpole is now sand-filled pvc capped at both ends...ya understand?

5: Asking where the sale is when the sign is pointing at the BIG ASS BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET that has SALE signs on it.

6: Stopping the vehicle about 5 inch over the otherside of the crosswalk (almost nosing into traffic) and then sitting there fer 15-20 min looking at his sign blocking traffic the entire time, just so you can turn right at the intersection (left fer all those that have the oppisite roads than USA/similiar countries).


And that's all I can think of. Sorry fer the abuse of caps, bolding, and italics. I sometimes wish I had a pistol and that it was legal to shoot stupid people/assholes. :mp5:

2 Don't comment on my youth, ask if the boss is my father, KNOW and REALISE the boss is my father and then wink at me. Firstly, I don't enjoy being winked at by bloated sixty-year-old customers; secondly, my father, who I have acknowledged as such, is still in the room. Have a bit of consideration for him as well.
3 Please don't wink at me a second time. I didn't drop to my knees and unzip your pants the first time; chances are you won't have any more luck this time. (No. This is never funny.)

That's why i'm glad i'm not a girl. lol

Ways to annoy a Gloria Jeans Register Girl:

#1. Ask for a coffee. Without specifying which one.
#2. Ask for a triple-shot, decaf, skim latte with extra froth, chocolate sprinkles, whipped cream, and two sugars. Oh, and don't forget to make it extra hot.
#3. Ask me out.
#4. Smile when I say "no, thanks" and say "I'll see you at eight at the cinemas then."
#5. Hold up the line while asking me why I won't go out with you.
#6. Order eight large takeaway cappucinos, all with different flavour syrups and different amounts of sugar.
#7. Ask for sugar. We don't do sugar - you do. It's on the side bench.
#8. Ask me to put the sugar in as a special favour, wink. Sod off.
#9. Greet me with "Helen, my man, how's it hanging?" Do I look male?
#10. Put your greasy fingers all over the glass that I have to clean every 15 minutes to meet health and safety regulations pointing at the food you want. Tell me what it's called. It's labelled clearly next to the damn plate.

For those working in a pita delivery service. We must have annoyed them:
A friend of mine got the number of this service from the guy who lives below him, and we decided to call them because we were both hungry and lazy.

1) order 2 kebabs around 18.00. When they know where you live while you've never ordered something before, don't ask questions. Just go get the food when the guy below tells you they arrived at his door.
2) order 2 kebabs 3 hours later.
3) Tell them to bring it to person x this time.
4) a week later, during a poker day at your appartment (we didn't feel like going to class, so we played the entire day), let the least sober guy order 6 pita's or kebabs.
5) Make sure that these are 6 different items: with or without onions, other types of meat, different sauses. Make sure that the not so sober guy ordering doesn't know what everybody wants when he begins ordering.
6) Spend the next five minutes laughing while he is ordering.
7) Don't forget to tell them to bring it to person x.
8) Make sure you live on the highest floor of the building.

Ways to annoy a Gloria Jeans Register Girl:


lol. Again, i'd hate to be a girl.


Hey, heres one to annoy people that work in pizza places:

Ring up and (attempt to) order a marinara pizza while drunk/high. :D

lol. Again, i'd hate to be a girl.
Hey, out of thirty-two people in my workplace, only seven of them are male. There are ten managers and only three of them are male.
And I make coffee, too, but you don't have to speak to customers when you're making the coffee :D

Hey, out of thirty-two people in my workplace, only seven of them are male. There are ten managers and only three of them are male.
And I make coffee, too, but you don't have to speak to customers when you're making the coffee :D

Similar story with my work. Though unfortunately, I don't have the option of disappearing and making coffee's :p

#3. Ask me out.
#4. Smile when I say "no, thanks" and say "I'll see you at eight at the cinemas then."
#5. Hold up the line while asking me why I won't go out with you.
#8. Ask me to put the sugar in as a special favour, wink. Sod off.
#9. Greet me with "Helen, my man, how's it hanging?" Do I look male?
Have you tried a restraining order?

Lifegaurd

1) Run on the deck no matter what.
2) Be a pissy parent who thinks the LG isnt treatng your kid fairly.
3) Run away with thier check.
4) Push us in the water
5) Try to drowned someone
6) Makes us move
7) disrupt our sunbathing
8) Play Marco Polo and scream really loud
9) Get them wet period
10) ask us "if I give some cash will drowned my kid" or "If I give you some cash will watch my kids really closely."
11) same as stated except use credit card.
12) Make us think

P.s. speaking of which Ill think of some more In a minute.

Ways to annoy a Gloria Jeans Register Girl:

#1. Ask for a coffee. Without specifying which one.
#2. Ask for a triple-shot, decaf, skim latte with extra froth, chocolate sprinkles, whipped cream, and two sugars. Oh, and don't forget to make it extra hot.
#3. Ask me out.
#4. Smile when I say "no, thanks" and say "I'll see you at eight at the cinemas then."
#5. Hold up the line while asking me why I won't go out with you.
#6. Order eight large takeaway cappucinos, all with different flavour syrups and different amounts of sugar.
#7. Ask for sugar. We don't do sugar - you do. It's on the side bench.
#8. Ask me to put the sugar in as a special favour, wink. Sod off.
#9. Greet me with "Helen, my man, how's it hanging?" Do I look male?
#10. Put your greasy fingers all over the glass that I have to clean every 15 minutes to meet health and safety regulations pointing at the food you want. Tell me what it's called. It's labelled clearly next to the damn plate.


Meh you werent very good looking anyways... :rolleyes:

McDonalds. God did I hate that job.

While ordering, follow this proceedure:

1. Place order for Garden Fresh Salad.
2. Place order for Double Quarter Pounder
3. Ask for salad without chicken
4. Stall for time a little more. The key is to have them either start making the sandwich, or start putting down meats.
5. Say, "You don't salt the meat before you give it to me, do you? Because some places do that and I have high blood pressure, yadda yadda."
6. Ask for the Burger without salt. This will enrage them.
7. Ask for your fries without salt. Especially good for lunch hours.
8. Change your mind about the chicken on that salad.

Lifegaurd

1) Run on the deck no matter what.
2) Be a pissy parent who thinks the LG isnt treatng your kid fairly.
3) Run away with thier check.
4) Push us in the water
5) Try to drowned someone
6) Makes us move
7) disrupt our sunbathing
8) Play Marco Polo and scream really loud
9) Get them wet period
10) ask us "if I give some cash will drowned my kid" or "If I give you some cash will watch my kids really closely."
11) same as stated except use credit card.
12) Make us think
13)

P.s. speaking of which Ill think of some more In a minute.

Ok here are some more

13) try to talk to us while we clean and ask how bad is cleaning.
14) ask us if the clorine level is normal
15) Same as before then except ask if it is too high
16) Go in the water and jump out screaming the clorine level is too high it burns!
17) Scream that we are arrogat SOB and should go find a pitcher to drowned in
18) find a pitcher of water and atempt to drowned yourslef in that picther, making the LG come and save you
19) Do a cannon ball right in front of us and create the largest splash possible to get a us soaked.
20) do the deadman's float
21) swear loudly
22) do as above except in their face
23) claim that your religion says you cant swim in public, and can he/she get everyone out of the people.
24) scream that pool is too hot or too cold and that your boiling or a block of ice
25) better yet state the pool is too hot and your turning into a block of ice, and vice versa its to cool and your boiling

If you're calling for technical support.

1) Don't start by asking the question. "May I ask you a question?"
2) Don't follow up by making a statement like. "I'm having a problem with my [insert item you're having a problem with]."
3) Don't ask the question: Is this product defective? or Is this a known issue? The chance is very likely (read: a certainty) that the person on the other end of the line does not have any access to the sort of upper management statistics for which you're digging. If the person DOES know this information, it is quite likely that they will get fired for telling you said information.

Ask questions about things that are clearly stated on signs around the store (ex: "Do you sell Movies?" When there are several large signs declaring, "Movies for Sale!!!!" Not to mention the HUGE sign in the front window surrounded by blinking lights).

Don't get mad at me for the policies of the company I work for, frankly I DON'T CARE!

Most importantly, DON'T talk to me about your racist/sexist/generally bigoted ideas.

1) if someone in front of you asks a problem make SURE you ask the exact same question the moment you can.

2)make sure you hand over the largest note possible when paying for small purchases

3)always ask for something not on the menu, or ask for two different dishes to be mixed

4)come back several times and ask the exact same question if you ever make a high price product, make sure never to buy the item you've been asking about for the past week

5)in summer find a store with carpet and drip ice cream on it before they can kick you out.

6)as you are leaving a store flick your gum at one of the store employees

7)never use a bin provided

8)bring a freind, find a small store with rich customers, enter, talk very loudly about your perverted sex lives, leave without buying anything, repeat 10 minutes later until barred from the shop.

9)if you can possibly manage it bring in a wallet FULL of small change and "accidentally" tip it out all over the polished floor so that it will go everywhere, make sure you now spend the next 5 minutes picking it up before leaving wirthout paying for your item(s)

i have a idea GET A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!

i have a idea GET A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!
it wont work, stupid people are everywhere.

I have worked for a Movie theater for two years
offer too shoot out the safety lights in theater because they are too bright
fill the bathroom sink with puke and tell no one
sneak beer in then puke all over the seats
whine about the prices(I know you all do)
say you accidently left your Id at home when carded for an R rated film
claim that it is against the law to stop you from bringing in a full subway meal in
spill a large soda in the lobby then politly ask for a refill
try using your credit card and when you are told cash only proceed to pull out the checkbook
ask for extra butter then when popcon is recived act shocked that butter is on it
ask for mountain dew when there is only coke products
call in the middle of a busy set and ask what the movies are all about and if they are any good
failing to use you credit card at the box office try to buy popcorn with it

okay I think I am done for now

http://www.funny.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/Funny.woa/2/wo/t986G0YXKEiZCTH0Lc/46.#FunnyContent

I've got a long, long list, but this one will do for now (as this has happened at virtually every job I've worked at):

- After being told "Sorry, we don't have an ETA for your item available at the moment" (for something you have ordered but is currently out of stock) be sure to ask "But when will it be arriving?". Then, after the person in the store explains "Look, I'm sorry, but I don't have that information available myself. Our supplier can't give us an expected date at the moment. As soon as I get an ETA I'll call you and let you know" reply "But how long will it be?". Be sure to get frustrated with the staff over your own inability to grasp the concept that they don't have the info they need to answer your requirement for an exact time. Then, after you badger them into giving you a rough estimate, be sure to grumble when it ends up taking slightly longer.

i have a idea GET A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!

Sure, jobs for an 18 year old grow on trees, dontcha know.

I work at a cookie place and people always ask for things they can plainly see we dont have.

The other night I was asked for french fries. Fries at a cookie place. I mean come on, you couldnt walk 10 feet to the Burger King next door?

And then theres the parent with the screaming child at the back of the line and wont shut her kid up. by the time they get to the front were ready to throw cookies at the kid...

OK, here’s list from working in the mobile phone (cell phone) industry (in customer support, repairs and tech support):

1. When you are told that your warranty is void due to excessive liquid damage, become loudly indignant and claim that your phone has never been exposed to liquid. Continue your vocal outrage even after the phone is opened by a technician who shows the type of corrosion that would be more at home on the hull of the submerged Titanic.

2. Number 1 is especially annoying/humorous when it is a work phone, and you are a fire fighter. How would your phone possibly get exposed to water when your job involves squirting massive quantities of water on things? (true story)

3. Claim your phone has never been dropped or mishandled when the case is so battered it looks like it has gone 10 rounds with a rabid grizzly

4. Claim warranty when the screen of your phone is shattered so badly that it looks like Godzilla has stomped on it – in fact, claim that this phantom damage “just happened” while the phone was sitting on your bedside table/in your car

5. Get outraged when you are told that the outlet no longer stocks batteries for your 10+ year old phone

6. Act like a heroin junkie being denied a fix when you have to part with your precious mobile for one whole day while it’s repaired

7. Claim that the hold up of a repair on your phone is costing you THOUSANDS of dollars an hour in business – especially when your shitty prepaid mobile is a twenty dollar cheapie. Never think that your business empire might require you to own a backup phone for emergencies – duh!

8. Get so angry over your phone being unrepairable that you physically threaten to jump the counter and do physical harm on the 15 year old girl serving you. (Unbeknown to this “hero” he didn’t realize that when I heard the discussion at the front getting heated I came from out of the back and was lurking just out of his line of sight behind the counter. After he crossed the line with his threat, I stepped out. The chickenshit who had just verbally threatened the girl working alone at the service counter almost shat his pants when he saw me – I’m 6’4’’, 300 lbs and look pretty scary. When I asked him to repeat his threat he mumbled at the floor “I didn’t say anything”

9. Bring your phone back to the shop where it was repaired disassembled into about 3000 parts and dangle it in a plastic bag in the face of the staff at the front counter. Then proclaim in a loud, outraged voice “I’ve reported this to the police!”. Act surprised when everyone in the store (staff and customers) bursts out laughing at the fact of you acting like a complete and utter tool and wasting police time with a grievance about a mobile phone repair

10. Get on the phone and complain about the fact that you never got a battery when you bought your mobile phone. The fact that the store you are calling has absolutely nothing to do with your purchase, and the fact that the phone is an old model (about 3 years out of date) are apparently irrelevant. Stay on the phone for 10 minutes arguing the details of how you are owed a battery – then realize that you do in fact have a battery in your phone, and you were expecting an extra one (Seriously – she waffled on for 10 minutes before I realized that she meant an EXTRA battery - she was originally implying that she got NO battery at all)

11. Ring up to enquire about your mobile phone being repaired, and when you are told that the repair won’t be finished until the next day, yell at the lovely young lady on the other end of the phone “You’se c*nts are f*cked!” (His exact words)

12. (This one was the highlight for me) Threaten to FIREBOMB the repair outlet unless your phone is fixed on the spot. (No BS – this guy, whose name and address we already had from a previous repair, actually told the manager to his face that unless his phone was fixed he would throw a Molotov though our store window)

---

I don’t know what it is about mobiles - I’ve worked in customer service before with different products, but mobile phone customers seem to be the biggest pain in the ass customers out there. I honestly believe they are addicted to their mobile as if it was crack. Here are a few pieces of advice to everyone with a mobile phone:
- It is a delicate piece of electronic equipment. Don’t be surprised if it breaks down if your throw it around like a goddamn shot-put
- Just because your phone only cost you one dollar (on some stupid plan where you actually pay hundreds of dollars over 18 months), don’t be surprised if repairs cost you a hundred dollars or more.
- Liquid damage is real. If you take your phone to get repaired and are told the phone is liquid damaged, WE ARE NOT F*CKING MAKING IT UP! Phones don’t have to be submerged in a bathtub for this to happen – even using them in a steamy bathroom can be enough.

Anyway, end rant. :p

Oh, I almost forgot this one:

13. When you leave a contact number so you can be notified when your repair is ready, be sure to leave the number of the mobile that you have just dropped off for repair, then act surprised when noone gets back to you. A variation on this is to list your daytime contact number as your home phone number, despite the fact that you are at work all day during business hours and do not have an answering machine.

pay for your purchase in Pennies.

(happed to a co=worker... First time I've ever seen him Pissed.)

Im a Pizza Man.

I'm the schmuck who drives your pie to your house, so you can fill your fat gob on pepperoni filled, greasy, cheese laden goodness.

Heres why you should ALWAYS tip the pizza guy.

10. Thanks to you, I know where you live.

9. I know where your children go to school.

8. Your dog likes me. EVERY dog likes the pizza man.

7. I just drove through a blizzard to bring you food.

6. Becuase you ordered anchovies on your pizza, and not only are those the nastiest topping in thge world, but they also stink. Now my car will smell like that for a about a day.

5. Becuase not only am I often the one who delivers your pizza, but im often the one who makes it too.

4. Beucase Im using my fricking car to bring it to you, and gas aint cheap you tightwad bastards!

3. If you cant afford two or three dollars extra, than maybe you shouldnt be eating out so often, and cook your own food ya lazy fool.

2 Becuase it may take up to 15 minutes to get tom your house.
Thats fifteen minutes ALONE with something your going to eat....
...without thinking.
I think you see where Im going with this.

And the #1 reason who you should always tip the Pizza Guy..

1. Because if your too lazy to get your own pizza, then you should give a few bucks to the guy who ISNT.

How to PO some, who delivers newspapers:

1. If I am in a hurry, talk to me, ignore my polite attempts to end the conversation and to move on. I love hearing everything about the health of your dog

2. lock your door to the front lawn, but put your mailbox next to the front door. No problem for me, you know that I an simply FLY over it.

3. Made stupid comments when I fell down. Don't help me up, I get payed for being embarrassed.

4. Make idiotic rules! Forbid me to step on the stair in front of your door! Yes, I will put off my inline-skaters especially for you! (happened to me like that)

5. Ask me if you can have your (free) newspaper directly. It does not confuse me the slightest to remember all 50 people, who do not need a KWS, especially since they change every time.

6. Have no mailbox (I am not joking about that, I can name three adresses, which have no mailbox AT ALL!)

I work in boots the chemists and i haev worked there for abou a year and a half. The worst thing i have found is when they give u loads of change to pay for somehing that is like £20.87 and they just give ya their shratnel and it takes ages to count out n put away in ur till. Also an annoying thing is when they ask u to go in the back to get something that isn't on shelf and u take absolutely ages in finding it and wen u finally find it they have either gone or don't wantit anymore! :sniper: :mp5:

A friend of mine was serving at a supermarket and a Canadian fellow bought something on credit. The bank card didn't register and a guy who's wife who was inconvienced for a few minutes and decided to swear very loudly at my friend. The poor Canadian was trying to defend him but there was still cries of "Fuck me" (my friend was tempted to say, "Later and only if you have a twenty") and my friend had to walk past him trying not to laugh. He had to hold his breath and close his eyes as he went to the next registar.

Have you tried a restraining order?No, I find a cupful of scalding water works well ...

Meh you werent very good looking anyways... :rolleyes:"NO COFFEE FOR YOU!" hurls cup of scalding water at Jayastan*
Anyone else? ;)

okay, working for a trash/recycling company is already not the most glamorous job in the world. How'd you like to be out in every kind of weather, with your boss breathing down your neck to be as fast as possible, making *salary* of minimum wage so if things take longer you don't even get overtime pay, dealing with OTHER PEOPLE'S GARBAGE? And the reason they get paid so little is so that YOUR taxes can be lower.

I don't even do that, I just answer the phone. But here's how not to piss me off:

Don't call at 8 am on the day of a snowstorm to complain that your garbage hasn't been picked up and they usually come by 7:30.

Don't call on a record-breaking windy day to complain that your trash can is in the middle of the street.

Don't call saying you heard the truck go by so you rushed out with your garbage and they didn't stop for you, because you know they saw you even though they were already halfway down the block!

Don't call saying they took your recycling but not your trash, or vice versa. It's two different trucks, that's why you have to sort it!!! Just wait a few minutes--oh look, what's that coming down the street??!!

Don't call to say they've done your neighbors across the street but they haven't done anyone on your side of the street yet. Just because they probably don't speak English doesn't mean that they don't know their right from their left. They'll be back.

Don't fill your barrels/bins until stuff is overflowing out of them and then call to demand that the collectors come back and pick up the pieces that spilled on your driveway. Get an extra barrel, or make less trash!

Don't put your trash out until two hours after it's supposed to be out and complain that they didn't get it and lie about what time it was out. Especially when it's snowing, and it's really, really obvious how long your barrels were out.

On the other hand, don't call to complain that your barrels got plowed in and they didn't take them. When the forecast is for snow, don't put your barrels right where the plow is going to go by!

Don't call and swear at the girl who answered the phone that the garbage collectors are out to get you, or threatening that you're going to get them. Yes, this really happens, at least 1-2 times a month.

In fact, DON'T CALL EVER. It's just trash. Get an extra barrel, and if you forget one week, just put it all out the next week--the night before your trash day, so you don't have to remember at 5:30 in the morning! I thought all these things were common sense before I worked for this company.

Ways to piss off an inbound telemarketer (one of my former jobs)

-1: Ask why the hell we called you. Dumbass, you called us.

-2: Ask to pay COD, dumbass the ad you responded to said Credit Cards only

-3: Ask to do a wire transaction, who the hell wires 2 dollars! It costs more to do the wire than the amount you're wiring!

-4: People who say they don't have a checking account or credit card, after already saying they don't want to give me their CC number.

-4.5: People who want to mail us a check because they don't want to give it over the phone. Look, buddy, if you mail us a check then we get all the same information as if you gave it to me over the phone. If you want the shitty product give me the frigging information, if you don't, hang up!

-5: People dumb enough to give me their bank's routing number and their account number because they don't want to give me their credit card number... I swear...

-6: People who say they have a Discover and then start with a 3. Sorry but Discover starts with 6011, and 6011 only. Likewise people who say "Amex" and then start with anything other than a 3. I mean damnit people, I can spot a friggin fake!

-7: People who give you a 10 digit credit card number and insist they're not lying.

-8: People who start their credit card numbers with a 1. There are no credit cards that start with a 1 jackass.

-9: Pretending to be intersted and then hanging up. I use this on telemarketers now, even going so far as to say "Hey do you guys take discover? Cool, give me a minute" run off for 4 or 5 minutes come back and go "you there? yeah cool, anyway the number is 601154--- *click*"

Out of the vault of Loblaws horrors!
From the of Celack, the cashier.

The dumbass american chick.
I was doing an order and I was finished the order and this lady tells me she wants to pay with american express. We only accept Mastercard and Visa. This happens semi-regularly. I tell her that we don't accept Amex and she says.

"But their commercial says it's accepted anywhere in the United States."

I paused for a moment as the horrifying realization that I'm dealing with an idiot American who doesn't know that Canada is it's own country. Somehow I managed to get these words out.

"Well mam, that's the problem. We're not in the U.S. We're in Canada."

"I thought Canada was a state."

"No mam, we're a distinctly different country and society."

"Oh."

That's when her friend behind her offers to cover for her and that I should add their groceries to the same bill. So I begin scanning. Suddenly the woman starts yelling at me that my machine was broken and I must have sabotaged it. I carefully explain that A. I need to finished her order before she can pay for it and B. I need to hit the Credit Card button on my keyboard for the computer to set up the connection needed. She seems to understand this. When I finish the order and hit the CC button, she swipes the card and walks off, leaving her groceries. I had to press enter several times on the pad to send the order through, run after her, tell her she left her groceries behind and that she needed to sign the reciept. This is why people think Americans are stupid.

I almost forgot demand to have a candy exept use the name brand insted of the actual name for example insted of asking for Chocolate peanuts demand to have some ferrara Pans which is the company that makes the penuts

Ok here are some more

13) try to talk to us while we clean and ask how bad is cleaning.
14) ask us if the clorine level is normal
15) Same as before then except ask if it is too high
16) Go in the water and jump out screaming the clorine level is too high it burns!
17) Scream that we are arrogat SOB and should go find a pitcher to drowned in
18) find a pitcher of water and atempt to drowned yourslef in that picther, making the LG come and save you
19) Do a cannon ball right in front of us and create the largest splash possible to get a us soaked.
20) do the deadman's float
21) swear loudly
22) do as above except in their face
23) claim that your religion says you cant swim in public, and can he/she get everyone out of the people.
24) scream that pool is too hot or too cold and that your boiling or a block of ice
25) better yet state the pool is too hot and your turning into a block of ice, and vice versa its to cool and your boiling

the final and most important

26) never pay us minimum wage, we will revolt and beat you up
27) never make us work on sunday or overtime again we will revolt

-Call in and ask me to look through the box for your one-sized-fits-all black gloves. Get upset when I tell you we have over 70 pairs that match that description, and tell you to come look yourself.

-Ask if we found your big bag of money/hot boyfriend.

-Ask to borrow things.

-Ignore 4 promts to come get your item, then complain when we sell it. (we hold it for six months, then sell it)

-Tell me it looks like yours, except for that sticker in the corner with that funny little number, and the words "lost and found."

-Tell me it looks like yours, but isn't, can you have it anyway?

-Call in and ask if we have your coat. Forget what brand, color, fabric, and size it is.

-Come in, tell us we called you about a found item, but you don't remember what it is. But your name is Sara Jones, don't we remember? (No, we don't because we're all working this job in addition to our classes, and it probably wasn't me that called you anyway.)

-Refuse to put your SS# on our sign out sheet. Like we don't have access to the school's sytem.

-Pretend you are your cousin/husband/roommate, be vague when asking for their item.

-Ask if you can BROWSE!!!!

-Offer to split the proceeds from the sale of anything I'll give you to hock. (yeah, like the $20 is worth losing my job and getting kicked out of school.)

-Come in, tell me you lost a math book, and don't know what it looks like, at all. But hey, it's a math book, how many can you have? (answer: usually 30)

-Ignore our summonings to get your textbook. Show up the day before your final/book sellback day, because hey, you didn't need it before.

-Get angry when something you lost doesn't turn up.

-Get angry becase the people in the gym said they remember your item and sent it up, and it's not here. (They are purposly misleeding you, just to get you off their backs!)

-Tell me how easy my job is.

-Come in and ask me what would have to happen for one of us to get fired, because you want the job.

-Get pissed off when we use 2 minutes on your cell phone to call your mom. If you had yourself in your address book, we'd've just called you on our phone. However, since you only have your mom listed as "Mom," we can't even look you up that way.

-Leave an information card about your item, complete with phone number, then call us on a daily basis, asking if it's shown up yet. We had you put your number down in the first place.

-Be really generic, then act shocked when I dump out a box with 30 waterbottles in it, half of which are Nalgene.

-Assume that if I'm on the phone, it's with a friend. It's probably someone else who's lost something, and didn't bother to come in.

-Get stupidly angry when your green pen doesn't show up here. The janitors from the other buildings don't like you that much.

-Ask me what the weirdest thing is I've gotten in, then WINK at me.

-Lose something that you bought that morning at the Lost and Found garage sale. We know. We've seen all this stuff repeatedly, and half the time, it still has the sticker on it.


These have all happened to me. And most of them repeatedly. Half the time, I think people are trying to be funny, and half, they just don't think. I can identify pretty much everything I own by color, production material, and shape. Maybe that's why I got the job in the first place. Maybe it's from having the job. But here's the point: people at that collage lose a whole lot of crap, and never claim it. If your local Lost and Found is having a garage sale, GO, they are great fun.

Ways to piss off a HTML-coder/webdesigner

* Pretend to know

* Be computer illiterate enough not to know how to right-click

* Give me lot of routine work but ask loads of questions when I do things like making scripts to save YOU work and put it on the bill

* Know no browser but IE and ignore my attempts to make the site accessible for everyone

* Set a 20-character FTP password of random letters, don't allow me to change it (I have no clue about secure PWs and would set it to the name of my dog), when I accidentally have no access to my normal PC, have no idea what it is too.

* send me DOC-files, best in some strange dialect of DOC, OO can not open...

* send me a HTML file created by WORD and ask me to change it into the page layout and include it.

* Don't delete confidential information, expect me to do so

Out of the vault of Loblaws horrors!
From the of Celack, the cashier.

The dumbass american chick.
I was doing an order and I was finished the order and this lady tells me she wants to pay with american express. We only accept Mastercard and Visa. This happens semi-regularly. I tell her that we don't accept Amex and she says.

"But their commercial says it's accepted anywhere in the United States."

I paused for a moment as the horrifying realization that I'm dealing with an idiot American who doesn't know that Canada is it's own country. Somehow I managed to get these words out.

"Well mam, that's the problem. We're not in the U.S. We're in Canada."

"I thought Canada was a state."

"No mam, we're a distinctly different country and society."

"Oh."

That's when her friend behind her offers to cover for her and that I should add their groceries to the same bill. So I begin scanning. Suddenly the woman starts yelling at me that my machine was broken and I must have sabotaged it. I carefully explain that A. I need to finished her order before she can pay for it and B. I need to hit the Credit Card button on my keyboard for the computer to set up the connection needed. She seems to understand this. When I finish the order and hit the CC button, she swipes the card and walks off, leaving her groceries. I had to press enter several times on the pad to send the order through, run after her, tell her she left her groceries behind and that she needed to sign the reciept. This is why people think Americans are stupid.
Well, clearly that american is stupid, but you don't see me saying that oregonians are stupid because I had to ring one up that thought he didn't have to pay sales tax in California because he was from Oregon. What would be stupid is to think that that guy is representative of the whole state rather than representative of his own dumb ass.

Which by the way, is one of the ways to piss off a clerk just about anywhere-
Insist that because the state you live in doesn't have sales tax you do not have to pay sales tax while you are in a state that has sales tax.


sales tax sales tax sales tax. I just wanted to say that three more times.....

Which by the way, is one of the ways to piss off a clerk just about anywhere-
Insist that because the state you live in doesn't have sales tax you do not have to pay sales tax while you are in a state that has sales tax.


sales tax sales tax sales tax. I just wanted to say that three more times.....

Here is one exception though: Since so much of Alaska's oil money ends up in Washington State, a majority of the stores will not charge you sales tax if you flash them your Alaska Drivers Licence. I'm from Washington, and am now teaching in Alaska, but I go home for summers.