NationStates Jolt Archive

A friend of friend had the s^*t beaten out of her last night by her boyfriend. As she loves him soo much she won't go to the police. I think she should be apparently there is no telling her. This prick really beat on her bad. Even if he was to go to jail the laws on physical abusers and even child abusers isn't that harsh. How harsh should it be?

And yes I'm including physical and child abusers in the same category.

Well she should certainly tell somebody. And ask her why she loves him so much if he abuses her so badly.

Well she should certainly tell somebody. And ask her why she loves him so much if he abuses her so badly.
apparently most women between 15-30 think being beat equates to love and caring. needless to say most women between 15-32 are screwballs

Well she should certainly tell somebody. And ask her why she loves him so much if he abuses her so badly.


She did. The girl she told (honestly wasn't me) is in a kind of abusive relationship or was its always on off and from listening to her for the past fw months I can see where this girl is coming from. She prob has low self esteem and thinks she can't do better. Honestly men can be such bastards-not all some

And yes I'm including physical and child abusers in the same categoryThen you have very broad categories. A person who is old enough to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is old enough to leave that relationship. That they don't is a choice to stay. A child who is being abused rarely has that choice.

That said, all you can do is let her know that what is happening is not acceptable and make sure that she knows that you are concerned and willing to help and support her if/when she leaves. Tell her family what's going on if you are in a position to do so. Give her information about support services for abused women in her area, for example. It's all you can do. You can't leave him for her, if you know what I mean.

Well she should certainly tell somebody. And ask her why she loves him so much if he abuses her so badly.She did tell somebody. Unfortunately, many people who maintain abusive relationships tend to fall into the "pity me, I'm a victim" frame of mind and the only tell people who will sympathise but not act. It's easier and less frightening for them. She may think that she loves him but IMO it's probably a combination of fear of him, fear of being alone and thinking that he's the best she'll ever get (a common attitude fostered by abusers).

apparently most women between 15-30 think being beat equates to love and caring. needless to say most women between 15-32 are screwballsThat's about as accurate as saying most men are abusers :rolleyes: There is a percentage of people (yes people, men can be abused physically and women can be physical and emotional abusers)who are confused about their right to be treated with respect and love, but I would hardly say it was "most" of them in a specific age range...

The law can only act if she is willing to take a stand. If she doesn't, chances are she is going to end up one of these women who are always wearing big sunglasses and long sleeves and imagine that noone knows why. That or dead. :( Abusive relationships rarely cure themselves. They tend to escalate. I read somewhere that the most likely cause of death for teenage girls in the US (and yes I am making a coupple of assumptions here - that you are in the US and a teenager) is the boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. Not pretty, that...

I think her boyfriend needs a good beating himself. Godfather 1 style. Those two need to split up. It will only continue if they stay together.

I think that the law needs to work to rehabilitate abusers, as well as punish them. Otherwise, they're only going to do it again once they're released from prison.
Is there a telephone counselling service for women in your area that you could refer your friend to? Services like that offer non-judgemental advice, and won't try to pressure her into leaving him or reporting the abuse, but they'll hopefully be able to change her mind, and help her if she does decide to take action.



apparently most women between 15-30 think being beat equates to love and caring. needless to say most women between 15-32 are screwballs If you're joking, it's not funny. If you're not, then that's still an incredibly offensive statement, and very, very wrong!

If she's getting hurt, you really have to step in and stop things.

If she's getting hurt, you really have to step in and stop things.How, exactly? This advice is so bad that I have to comment.

Two things are likely to happen if she "steps in":
1. Her friend will be separated from her because she is a "bad influence" who is "jealous" and "making trouble" for the "happy" couple. Quite possibly she will end up as the bad guy in her friends' eyes.
2. She may be physically attacked by the boyfriend.

The first rule of helping an abuse victim is "Don't get hurt yourself".

Do NOT get physically involved. Even if you are a proficient martial artist, that will not stop a bullet if he's crazy enough. There is also the possibility that (if you intervene physically) charges of assault may be laid against you by the bf and witnessed by the girl. It has happened.

How, exactly? This advice is so bad that I have to comment.

Two things are likely to happen if she "steps in":
1. Her friend will be separated from her because she is a "bad influence" who is "jealous" and "making trouble" for the "happy" couple. Quite possibly she will end up as the bad guy in her friends' eyes.
2. She may be physically attacked by the boyfriend.

The first rule of helping an abuse victim is "Don't get hurt yourself".

Do NOT get physically involved. Even if you are a proficient martial artist, that will not stop a bullet if he's crazy enough. There is also the possibility that (if you intervene physically) charges of assault may be laid against you by the bf and witnessed by the girl. It has happened.
Get the law involved. Send the boyfriend to jail or rehab, and get the girlfriend therapy. Obviously the boyfriend can't hurt anyone from jail, and if he starts it up again he's in jail for longer. It shouldn't matter that the friend becomes the "bad guy" just as long as the girlfriend realises that the boyfriend isn't the "good guy". I really don't care if my friends hate my as long as they're alive. Some good therapy with should be able to help her realise that beatings aren't exactly something to be taken as a sign of love. If someone actually believes this, then they definitely need help.

Heh, I don't think my advice was that bad, just a little vague.

Get the law involved. Send the boyfriend to jail or rehab, and get the girlfriend therapy. Obviously the boyfriend can't hurt anyone from jail, and if he starts it up again he's in jail for longer. It shouldn't matter that the friend becomes the "bad guy" just as long as the girlfriend realises that the boyfriend isn't the "good guy". I really don't care if my friends hate my as long as they're alive. Some good therapy with should be able to help her realise that beatings aren't exactly something to be taken as a sign of love. If someone actually believes this, then they definitely need help.

Heh, I don't think my advice was that bad, just a little vague.

It can be very hard to get him in jail if the girlfriend refuses to press charges.

It can be very hard to get him in jail if the girlfriend refuses to press charges.
No, it isn't the state in Virginia presses charges instead. Where are you located?
In Virginia even if its all okay when the police arrive they have to arrest the guy for a night. He will get a unrestricted bond meaning as long as he shows up to court he will not pay it.

The state charges him, but if she is a poor witness or take his side he should win the court case.

The law was changed a year or two ago I think because cops got lazy. Seriously, they decided that a woman who had called before and then didn't want to press charges was crying wolf. When she was beat and paralyze she sued the police for not showing up.
The police were lazy so she sued for neglecting duty basically. As you can guess she won easily.

So rather than enforce rules and regulations and punish lazy cops; they changed the law. Now they have to act.

No, it isn't the state in Virginia presses charges instead. Where are you located?
In Virginia even if its all okay when the police arrive they have to arrest the guy for a night. He will get a unrestricted bond meaning as long as he shows up to court he will not pay it.

The state charges him, but if she is a poor witness or take his side he should win the court case.

Perhaps I should clarify. It would be hard to get him in jail if his girlfriend refused to press charges because it would probably mean the state wouldn't be able to establish a case against him, since she would seem to support him if it ever came to that.

It can be very hard to get him in jail if the girlfriend refuses to press charges.
Meh, Dear Abby I am not.

Meh, Dear Abby I am not.

I wouldn't imagine. Didn't she pass away?

A friend of friend had the s^*t beaten out of her last night by her boyfriend. As she loves him soo much she won't go to the police. I think she should be apparently there is no telling her. This prick really beat on her bad. Even if he was to go to jail the laws on physical abusers and even child abusers isn't that harsh. How harsh should it be?

And yes I'm including physical and child abusers in the same category.

its not love, its stockholm syndrome

maybe you could have your friend tell her friend's parents, they may be able to do something

It shouldn't matter that the friend becomes the "bad guy" just as long as the girlfriend realises that the boyfriend isn't the "good guy". Unfortunately she may not make the decision that the bf is, indeed, the bad guy. More likely she will just end up with one less ally and more dependant on the bf because "she has no real friends". :( I've seen this whole scenario happen many times. It's depressing how little variety there actually is. Sometimes I wonder if there's some script that I don't know about getting around.... :headbang: