Divorce or sex before marriage
I was considering this and wondering which was worse from a religious viewpoint.
Living together with some one (and having sex) for a few years before getting married so you know you are doing the right thing or getting married quite quickly but then realising afterwards that the person you married wasn't the right one for you and getting divorced.
sorry if this has been done before and be nice this is my first thread here
The Black Forrest
06-12-2004, 23:18
For the Catholics, divorse is bad. They don't recognise subsequent marriages.
I'm not religious so I couldn't care less if people shack up or divorce.
Cogitation
06-12-2004, 23:25
Divorce or sex before marriage
/me deliberately misreads the thread title.
How the hell do you get divorced before you get married? O_o
--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester
...
Okay, joviality aside, that's a good question. Off the top of my head, my primary concern is what happens to any children that result from the relationship. It's important for a child to grow up with loving, caring parents (or loving, caring guardians). Beyond that, I'd have to take some time to think about it.
--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia
Jackbootz
06-12-2004, 23:29
Statistically speaking
People who live together before getting married have a much higher divorce rate than those who do not.
Thus, your question is a fallse choice.
Corneliu
06-12-2004, 23:30
Sex should wait before marriage. That is my opinion. As for Divorce, work your problems out if you can. To many divorces are for stupid reasons. Talk things out. That is what makes relationships work. Talking!
Le Chat de Noir
06-12-2004, 23:30
It does not really matter unless childern are involved.
People who live together before getting married have a much higher divorce rate than those who do not.
Probably because people inclined to shack up do not feel morally bound to stay in a loveless marriage.
Whether that's a good or a bad thing, is up to you to decide.
Corneliu
06-12-2004, 23:36
Probably because people inclined to shack up do not feel morally bound to stay in a loveless marriage.
Whether that's a good or a bad thing, is up to you to decide.
The divorce rate is higher among the said group.
Dempublicents
06-12-2004, 23:37
That is my opinion. As for Divorce, work your problems out if you can. To many divorces are for stupid reasons. Talk things out. That is what makes relationships work. Talking!
...which is unlikely to happen if you rush into marriage too quickly.
The divorce rate is higher among the said group.
well of course. My point was that people who have no moral qualms about shacking up probably have no moral qualms about splitting, should things go downhill.
People who believe in getting married before sex, probably would be more likely to wait out a bad marriage, because they think divorce is wrong.
Lupanzia
06-12-2004, 23:39
/me deliberately misreads the thread title.
How the hell do you get divorced before you get married? O_o
--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester
...
Okay, joviality aside, that's a good question. Off the top of my head, my primary concern is what happens to any children that result from the relationship. It's important for a child to grow up with loving, caring parents (or loving, caring guardians). Beyond that, I'd have to take some time to think about it.
--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia
Hrmm a child can grow up perfectly fine with one parent if that parent is strong enough to take on both roles. I am an example of a child of divorce who is incredibly strong, confident, and intelligent and caring ... and well i really could go on bragging but I wont :)'
In any event. I think divorce and sex before marriage are equally as good. Depending on the circumstances of couse. Divorce is better than living in a loveless marriage for sure! Divorce, whether it lands you in poverty is better than living with an abusive husband or an adulterous husband. Sex before marriage.. well that's just good all around.
LordaeronII
06-12-2004, 23:42
Hmmmmmmmm from a NON-religious viewpoint here...
I'd say divorce is worse. Divorce shows that the people didn't really take love and marriage seriously enough to ensure they were with the right person before they got married. It's like one of those stupid things where people get married after only knowing each other a few months.
Living together/having sex before marriage isn't really wrong in my opinion, as long as the person your with is the person you will continue to be with until you marry them.
After all, you may not marry them for reasons such as your university education and such, but seeing as I'm not religious, the actual marriage ceremony has little meaning, and the main thing is that you have one partner that you love for your life.
Dempublicents
06-12-2004, 23:42
Sex before "official" marriage, sure. Sex before a committed relationship - not for me.
Divorce because "oh no! we had a fight!", absolutely not. Divorce after trying to work things out for a time and finding that it is impossible, absolutely.
Lupanzia
06-12-2004, 23:43
Probably because people inclined to shack up do not feel morally bound to stay in a loveless marriage.
Whether that's a good or a bad thing, is up to you to decide.
That's actually totally correct. The studies that prove that divorce rate is higher among couples who live together also show that those couples don't put the same significance of a piece of paper that someone else would.
Lupanzia
06-12-2004, 23:45
Hmmmmmmmm from a NON-religious viewpoint here...
I'd say divorce is worse. Divorce shows that the people didn't really take love and marriage seriously enough to ensure they were with the right person before they got married. It's like one of those stupid things where people get married after only knowing each other a few months.
Living together/having sex before marriage isn't really wrong in my opinion, as long as the person your with is the person you will continue to be with until you marry them.
After all, you may not marry them for reasons such as your university education and such, but seeing as I'm not religious, the actual marriage ceremony has little meaning, and the main thing is that you have one partner that you love for your life.
Hrmmm.... have you ever been in love? Just wondering, because it's not as if love lasts forever. You can be hopelessly devoted to someone for 10 years, love them with all of your heart and one day you could change, they could change etc. etc. I wouldn't n ecessarily compare divorce to the "stupid things where people get married after only knowing eachother a few months"
Corneliu
06-12-2004, 23:46
...which is unlikely to happen if you rush into marriage too quickly.
Which is why my gf and I are taking time. We have decided to wait until we both feel that we're ready for such a committment.
Corneliu
06-12-2004, 23:47
well of course. My point was that people who have no moral qualms about shacking up probably have no moral qualms about splitting, should things go downhill.
People who believe in getting married before sex, probably would be more likely to wait out a bad marriage, because they think divorce is wrong.
I can agree with this statement considering that my gf and I agreed to talk through problems that arise which is harder to do but it keeps the communications line open and it helps to talk to solve problems. This I do know first hand.
Dempublicents
06-12-2004, 23:50
Hrmmm.... have you ever been in love? Just wondering, because it's not as if love lasts forever. You can be hopelessly devoted to someone for 10 years, love them with all of your heart and one day you could change, they could change etc. etc. I wouldn't n ecessarily compare divorce to the "stupid things where people get married after only knowing eachother a few months"
You don't wake up one day and fall out of love - it takes time and laziness, really. If you are both working to keep the relationship going, your marriage is likely to last until you die. If you get lazy and let yourselves start growing apart because you think that the exact same emotions you felt on your wedding night will get you through everything, you may fall out of love.
Corneliu
06-12-2004, 23:54
You don't wake up one day and fall out of love - it takes time and laziness, really. If you are both working to keep the relationship going, your marriage is likely to last until you die. If you get lazy and let yourselves start growing apart because you think that the exact same emotions you felt on your wedding night will get you through everything, you may fall out of love.
You've hit the nail on the head Dempublicents
Ashmoria
06-12-2004, 23:58
a friend of mine got married at 16
she was a good catholic girl marrying a good catholic boy (at the time, 35+ years ago)
they were in LOOOOVE and premarital sex was a sin, but it was obvious to them that they couldnt wait until they were in their 20s so they got married.
it lasted long enough to produce a son. her husband took up with another woman and divorced my friend (she never signed the divorce papers and has never dated in the 30+ years since then, it would be a sin to remarry eh?)
i dont think its a good idea to get married for the "legalization" of sex. i also dont think its wise to marry a man you have never had sex with. WAY too many bad possibilities to buy without a test drive first.
but in any case i think that divorce is worse than illicit sex. sex is a sin that can be repented and forgiven. divorce is breaking a life vow. its a whole nother level of failure.