NationStates Jolt Archive

"When I was young we had to walk fifteen miles to school every day, uphill in the snow both ways!"

We've all heard the stories from our grandparents and aunts and uncles, the tales of their youth and funny stories that they've had. I think it's time we shared them.

Here's one from my Grandpa.

Back in 1941, when my Grandpa was in the Army, he was in San Francisco visting some Navy friends whose ship was docked for a while. The Navy men, glad to be off the boat for a while, got rip-roaring drunk. In the middle of the day. So, the three of them are walking down the street in broad daylight and one of my Grandpas friends says "I gotta go to the bathroom." The other chimes in "Me, too" and off they go! Right there in the street! My Grandpa is staring at them in shock and horror as they urinate right in the middle of the road. Now, this is sure to attract some attention. In fact it does, in the form of the Military Police. Up they march. The two drunk friends, seeing the MP's, take off and run down the road with some of the MP's in hot pursuit. My Grandpa, still just standing there, is clapped in irons and spends the night in jail. The two friends duck into the first bar they find, sitting down and quickly grabbing some half-filled glasses. The MP's burst in, ask where the two men had gone, and their targets point them out the back way. The two drunks then laugh all the way back to the hotel.

What stories have you heard?

When I was a kid,my grandmother used to send the family dog to the local pub to fetch my grandfather when he was inebriated.
One day she sent the dog as usual(don't ask how the dog retrieved my GF from the pub as I don't know)anyways,my GF came back with the dog.As my GF was hungry from all the drinking,he took out a wrapped up dish from the fridge,heated it up on the stove,then ate the stew with bread.The funny thing was,what he thought was stew was in actuality a wrapped up dish of leftover canned dogfood that was saved for the dog!
I thought this was bs. but my mom and here brother both told me it happened.My mom said he was so drunk he didn't even tell the difference.
Peace n Love Palmyra Hippy

"When I was young we had to walk fifteen miles to school every day, uphill in the snow both ways!"

Kiss my 40+ year old ass. I've been ridiculed by my kids too many times for sharing my experiance on the farm growing up to gain even the slightest bit of levity sharing them or any other such story again.

I take it you didn't notice the impossibilty of that statement, since it can't go uphill both ways. That makes no sense, if you go up one way the other way has to go down. It's just that that sentence is often used to represent a story from "Back in my day"

Most of my stories are from my two tours in Vietnam, and with all the left wingers on here, I know those won't go over very well, so I'll just sit this one out. :)

Most of my stories are from my two tours in Vietnam, and with all the left wingers on here, I know those won't go over very well, so I'll just sit this one out. :)

I wasn't aware that you gave a damn about the left-wingers? :)

I guess there are actually some conservatives who are compassionate... ;)

I wasn't aware that you gave a damn about the left-wingers? :)

I guess there are actually some conservatives who are compassionate... ;)
Well, I am normally very kind and compassionate. There are just a few subjects which get me riled up. And just because I get upset from time to time doesn't mean I don't like people, regardless of their political persuasion. I even once dated a girl who was pretty far left ... talk about interesting "pillow talk!" LOL! :D

Fort Bragg, North Carolina - An officer sticks his finger into a vehicle's fan belt (I believe it was), [ZHHHIRP] and it gets ripped off. An investigation begins.

"Show us what you did, sir."
"Well, I stuck my finger in like this-" [ZHHHIRP]

Grampa Simpson has the best stories

"You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going?"
"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I used my washtub that morning to clean my turkey, which back then was called a 'walking bird'. We had walking bird on Thanksgiving with cranberry sauce, potatoes, and stuffing full of gun powder. We also sat around and wathched football which back then was called baseball."

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"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere -- like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you’d say.
"Now where were we? Oh yeah -- the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."

Too many, too long.