NationStates Jolt Archive

My new favorite since i just saw Van Helsing is:

"Do unto others... before they do unto you" - Igor

...My God, you've gotten fat- Come in, come in, dahling!

From THE INCREDIBLES.

"here's my invitation"
- Arnie, True Lies

"ever wanted to be a farmer? Here's a couple of acres!"
- Arie, Last Action Hero

:D

Or...

"MOTOR TORPEDO BOAT!"
from John Cleese on How to Irritate People

"Am I fussing you too much?" "YYYEEESSS!"
Also from John Cleese on How to Irritate People

"No, no, it's a good car. Never had any problems. No, nope."
Once again from John Cleese on How to Irritate People

"WHY, YOU BITCH!"
It's getting boring, all these things from John Cleese on How to Irritate People

"Don't see this use of those costume thingies."
SHUT UP, YOU WITH THE QUOTES from John Cleese on How to Irritate People

"I dunno... Blind your enemies, charbroil a herd of charging wildebeasts- use your imagination!"
From Van Helsing

"What in the name of Allah is wrong with you?!"
Also from Van Helsing

no, it definitly has to be "Yipyee Kie Yah Mudda Fucker" from die hard or "Asta Lavista, baby" from Terminator 2.

Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fuck outta here?!

"Good, bad, I'm the one with the gun...BLAM!"
-- Ash, from Army of Darkness, in reference to which Ash he was, the good one or the bad one.

"Come get some..." -- Ash again.

There was a Firefight!

Kinda makes me feel like river dancin.
-William Dafoe in Boondock Saints.

Vampires, Gargoyels, Spammers, n00bs, Mongolians, Warlocks....They're all the same.
-From Van HellThing, a Hellsing parody.

"You have the right to remain silent Donkey! What you lack is the capacity"

Shrek 2

"Well you seem to have all the answers - im gonna go home and whack off"
- John Belushi to Arnie in Red Heat (i think)

Not sure if I've got the right movie or necessarily right actor.
Michael Douglas to Kathleen Turner in Jewel of the Nile

"I don't trust anything that can bleed for four (?) days and not die"

Listen, pal. you ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and Shit. And Jack left town.
-Bruce Campbell, undisputed king of one-liners.

Heeeerre's Johny!
Jack Nicholson, The Shining

Yippie Kay Yay mother fucker.
-Bruce Willis in Die Hard

Run Away! Run Away!
-Arthur and knights in MPQFTHG

Charlie: We can't do that!
Rose: How do you know? You never tried it.
Charlie: Well, yeah, but I never tried shooting myself in the head neither.
-The African Queen

Ian: The complete lack of humility for nature that's being displayed here is staggering.
-Jurrasic Park

Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.
Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.
Wadsworth: Well your work has not changed.
-Clue (from 1985, not recent by any means)

Gruber: This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
McClane: That was Gary Cooper, asshole.
-Die hard again.

Garland Greene: ("Sweet Home Alabama" is playing in the background) Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
-Con Air

Renton: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?
-Trainspotting

Hamish: Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the Almighty?
Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God. (Looks towards sky) Yes, Father. (To William and his men) The Almighty says don't change the subject; just answer the fucking question.
-Braveheart

Julius: "All you need is love." (thinks) John Lennon. Good man, shot in the back, very sad.
-Independence Day

So many assholes, so few bullets.
-Ford Fairlane - Rock'n'Roll Detective

It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it.
-Elwood Blues, The Blues Brothers

There will be no fighting in the War Room!
-Peter Sellers, "Dr. Strangelove"

You see Bob, I'm not lazy. It's that I just don't care.
-Office Space

Doing stuff is over rated, look at Hitler. He did stuff but don't we all wish he would have sayed home and gotten high?
-The Tao of Steve

GOSH!!!
-Napoleon Dynamite

I though Christmas only comes once a year
-James Bond

Well, it's t.v., Gilligan's Island, but I liked it.

"Little does she realize how hard other people work to make me money!"
--Thurston Howell III, speaking of his wife, Lovey.

'Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.'

HAL 9000, after having murdered Frank Poole and the rest of the crew aboard the Discovery, 2001: A Space Odyssey.

"Inconceivable" -The Princess Bride
This is the only one I can think of right now even though there are lots that I like.

I though Christmas only comes once a year
-James Bond

Come now...

"Bond, James Bond"

"Vodka Martini. Shaken...not stirred..."

"How do you take it?"
"Straight up, with a twist."

"My friends call me James Bond."
"Now that's a mouthful."

"Trust...what a quaint idea..."

"Why don't you just die?"
"You first."

"Why do you act this way? Why are you so cold?"
"It keeps me alive."
"No, it keeps you alone."

On another note...this was my 8700 post!

"There are two kinds of people. Those with guns and those who dig. You dig."
Clint E.

"Say hello to my little friend" - best line from a movie, worst pick-up line.
You should know what movie.

"Good, bad, I'm the one with the gun...BLAM!"
-- Ash, from Army of Darkness, in reference to which Ash he was, the good one or the bad one.

"Come get some..." -- Ash again.


Army of darkness, pretty well invented one liners.

My fav
"its good to be bad baby"

Arnie, has got tons of good ones as well.

Total recall, goes into the mutant saloon, a fucked up mutant yells at him " hey you got alot of nerve coming in here"

Arnie " looks whos talking"


__________


From the family guy,

Baby stewie to his mother:
"mother, I have a present for you in my diaper, ill give you a hint: its not a toaster!"

"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man. Then I take away reason and accountability."
--Melvin Udall, As Good as it Gets

That being said, the best one-liner I ever heard was by Norm McDonald on the News segment of SNL:

"Madonna gave birth to a son on Thursday. The baby weighed in at 8 pounds, 15 oz., making it the fourth-largest object ever to pass through Madonna's vagina."

"We're on a mission - a mission, from God!"
-Blues Brothers

"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man. Then I take away reason and accountability."
--Melvin Udall, As Good as it Gets

That being said, the best one-liner I ever heard was by Norm McDonald on the News segment of SNL:

"Madonna gave birth to a son on Thursday. The baby weighed in at 8 pounds, 15 oz., making it the fourth-largest object ever to pass through Madonna's vagina."


Norm McDonald rocks lol

"She'll be back" T-2, Govenor of California's response to Hillery Clinton's future political carear.

"Mandrake, Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water?" General Ripper in Dr. Strangelove

Pacino fanatic here so you know

"There are only two syllables in the whole wide world worth hearing.......pussy."
Scent of a Woman

"I've got a loaded .45---you've got pimples!"
also Scent of a Woman

"Out of order....I'll show you outta order!!"
Scent of a Woman

"You wanna Fuck with me? You Fuckin with the BEST!"
Scarface

"You know what a hossa is, Frank? 's a pig that don't fly straight.....and neither do you!"
Scarface

I'm surprised noone got this one:
"Luke...I am your father."
Darth vader, Star wars

I'm surprised noone got this one:
"Luke...I am your father."
Darth vader, Star wars

very true

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"

-Monty python and the Quest for the Holy Grail

Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fuck outta here?!

People in glass houses sink sh... sh... sh... ships.
A penny saved is worth two in the bush.
And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.

So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team.

I'm the guy. I know everyone. I know their habits, who they hang out with. I got phone numbers, addresses. I know who they're fucking, I know where they live. We could kill EVERYONE.

Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace

You insignifi-CANT, little fuck!

-all from "Boondock Saints" (one of the greatest movies ever)

or.....

Ah, come on, that's a bunch of horse shit! Lando Calrissian was a black guy. You know, and he got to fly the Millennium Falcon, what's the matter with you?

Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
What's a Nubian?
Shut the fuck up!

I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot."

Your mother's a tracer!

-from "Chasing Amy"

"Good, bad, I'm the one with the gun...BLAM!"
-- Ash, from Army of Darkness, in reference to which Ash he was, the good one or the bad one.

"Come get some..." -- Ash again.

"What's that you've got on your face?"

And then he shovels soil on the guy's face!

I'm the w-w-waterboy! I've got a wooden spoon! DUUURRRRR!!!!


(sorry, couldn't resist)

"How shocking."
Goldfinger

"Aaaaaaaahhhh... Venice."
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

"I'm vewy wittle. You cheat vewy big!"
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

"Ha Ha Ha HAAAA, son of a bitch..."
From Raiders of the Lost Ark

You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Allo, dappy English k-niggets and Monsieur Arthur King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. So, we French fellows outwit you a second time! How you English say, 'I one more time, mac, unclog my nose in your direction', sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior?! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters. English bed-wetting types, I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms! Illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets!

Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the approaching any more, or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already!

"The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. And you have burned so very, very brightly" - Sebastian Tyrell, Blade Runner

"Dude, where's my car?"


...says it all...

Something similar to: "What the hell do I care, I've got a growth on my p3nis."

And: "Good...bad...I'm the guy with the gun."

"The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. And you have burned so very, very brightly" - Sebastian Tyrell, Blade Runner


Brilliant.

Can you please remove any metallic items you're carrying; keys, loose change...
The Matrix, arguably the best scene in cinema history

Brilliant.

Aweeee sankoo Tumwater :)

"So let's get this straight... you kicked the President of the United States of America...?"

"In the balls..."

"This is my BOOMSTICK!"

From the big pile of crap that was Armageddon:

"Get off the nuclear weapon!"

"Sorry I just wanted to feel the power between my legs."

You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

tee hee

Can you please remove any metallic items you're carrying; keys, loose change...
The Matrix, arguably the best scene in cinema history

Oh yeah....it's not a one-liner, but I love the way they just walk back after shooting everybody, pick up the bomb bag, and calmy walk to the elevator....and that at one piece of wall falls down as they are getting on the elevator...bloody brilliant.....:D

Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't lies, it was just bullshit.

“Get used to disappointment.”
“Drop….your….sword.”
“Is this a kissing book?”
“Whoever he is, he’s too late! See? The Cliffs of Insanity!”
“Did I make it clear your JOB is at stake?”
“You mean, I’ll put down my sword, and you’ll put down your rock, and we’ll try to kill each other like civilized people?”
“I’m not a witch, I’m your wife! But after what your just said, I’m not even sure I want to be that anymore!”
-Princess Bride

“She’s gone from suck….to blow!”
“You idiots! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!”
“Why didn’t anybody tell me my a** was so big?”
“I said across her nose, not up it!”
“It’s my industrial strength hair dryer, and I <I>can’t live without it!</I>”
-Space Balls

“Are you in Show business? No? Then get your feet off da stage!”
-Blazing Saddles

“Plant? Don’t they usually call you guys fruit?”
“And now I’m going to go home….and sleep with my wife!”
-Clue

“The whole world is against us, man, I swear to God”
“Get off my Kool-Aid, Motherf**ker!”
-Jay, from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

(chuckles)”I don’t believe in voodoo….but I do believe in THIS”(pulls out gun)
“We figured an abortion clinic would be a great place to meet loose women.”
“Loki, Loki…..was Wisconsin <I>really</I> that bad?”
-Dogma

“I see you’ve managed to get your shirt off.”
-Galaxy Quest

“I just LOVE a woman in uniform!”
“We are the wierdos, mister.”
-The Craft(a regrettable movie, but a great soundtrack and some great one-liners)

“Since when is it a crime to be a slut in this family?”
“Look, if you’re going to work here, maybe you could, oh I don’t know….work?”
“Their nudity is entirely optional, as you well remember!”
“We can’t back out…we’re on the committee.”
-Practical Magic

“Because it’s dull, you twit, it’ll hurt more!”
“F**k me, they made it!”
-Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

“I can see!!!!! *wham!” Nope! (sigh) I was wrong!”
“Fix yer boobs, Blinken, ye look like a bleedin’ Picasso!”
“Oh!!!! Master Robin, you lost yer arms in battle! But ye grew some nice boobs, though!”
“Gor! I thought it felt a bit drafty in here.”
“Allright honkeys, time in!”
“A chastity belt! (Shudder) That’s going to really chafe my willy!”
“Yeah, but don’t let my name fool ya. In real life, I’m very big.”
-Robin Hood: Men in Tights

“Getchyur big a** in the kitchen and make me some pie!”
“Respect my authoritai!”
“Screw you guys, I’m goin’ home. Talking poo is where I draw the line.”
“Sweet.”
-SouthPark

And of course the f**k scene from the SouthPark movie…..just full of one liners:
“Don’t call me fat, you f**kin’ Jew!”
“Eric! Did you just say the F word?”
(confused look)”What- Jew?”
“No, f**k, you can’t say f**k in school, you f**kin’ fata**.”
And on and on and on…my fav though, is the final exchange between Cartman and the teacher, Mr. Garrison, at the end of the scene:
“How would you like to go see the school counselor?”
“How would <I>you</I> like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?”
(blustering indignation)”WHAT did you just say?”
(acting contrite)"I’m sorry, I’m sorry…what I said was..(picks up megaphone, flicks it on) How would <I>you</I> like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?”

Surprised no one brought these up...

"You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world"

"The things you own end up owning you"

"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school!"

"Bob had bitch tits"

"We were selling rich women's fat asses back to them..."

and the ever immortal...

"The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club, the second rule of Fight Club is you DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB..."

"Today is a great day for black people of all races"
-Undercover Brother

"What.. what would you say... you do here?"
"Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?"
"What do you say you do here?"
-Office Space

"It's good to be the king." History of The World Part I

"You eat pieces of SHIT for breakfast?" Happy Gilmore

"That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace... I know from experience." Billy Madison

I'm not sure of the exact wording, but it was said by Tina Fey on SNL
"Rosie O'Donnell and her partner had an anniversary this past weekend. The couple celebrated by eating out."

"I'm proud to say that I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't swear. Ah shit, I do smoke and drink!" The Long Kiss Goodnight

"Fazzini he means no harm... he's just very short on charm. Are there rocks ahead? If there are, we'll be dead! No more rhymes now I mean it.... anybody want a peanut?" The Princess Bride

A man asks: so how often do you two (puts finger inside of fist then pulls it out again)? Woman answers: Put our fingers inside our fists and pull them out again? Every chance we get!" The Long Kiss Goodnight

"Alice your dog, it and my apetite are mutually exclusive. What's wrong with the dog? Simple, he's been licking at his asshole for the past three hours. Now I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hours attention. Whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good or here to stay. Wouldn't you agree?" The Long Kiss Goodnight

"Doctor? Doctor." Spies Like Us

"I'm funny? Funny like how? Like a clown, funny? Do I amuse you? Am I just here for your fucking amusement?" Goodfellas

"Want to hear the most annoying noise in the world?" Dumb and Dumber

"Losers, losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen." I think this was from The Rock

"...Why do you care about Snowflake? Do you know him? Does he call you at home? Do you have a dorsal fin?!" Ace Ventura Pet Detective

Quote:
Originally Posted by Booslandia
"The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. And you have burned so very, very brightly" - Sebastian Tyrell, Blade Runner



I think this might be the best one-liner. It is also a very good movie.

Harry "the Bastard" (English is not my native language)

This is the best, and anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Bond: Do you expect me to talk?

Goldfinger: No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!

"It's just a flesh wound! Come back and I'll bite your kneecaps off!"

Don't know if it's already been said, but in context, this is my favorite...

"Good, Bad? I'm the guy with the gun."
-Ashe Army of Darkness

And another from the same movie....

"The evil got into my hand and it went bad. So, I lopped it off at the wrist with a chainsaw."
-Ashe Army of Darkness