NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay, I need some advice...badly guys and gals...

My mother is uber-catholic and doesn't like me going out with ANYONE outside of my religion...

However I'm in love with a girl who is Pagan...

My religion doesn't recognize marriage to a person of a different religion...

How am I gonna break this to my parents?
I want to stay with my religion and I want to stay with her...

I need advice...anyone...please...

DO NOT USE THIS TO BASH RELIGIONS...I NEED ADVICE...NOT ARGUMENTS!

Buddy, simple. Do they control your life?
I'd like to think I know you well enough to think not.

It's your life, and your beliefs, live them the way YOU want.

Unless the lady your with would care to convert, your mother will not be happy.

Also, this is not true. I know a Catholic who's married to a Lutheran, one married to a Muslim, and another married to a Jew. You can marry someone of another faith; the church will want your assurance that any kids will be raised Catholic.

Aren't there certain rites one can go through so that the marriage is indeed recognized? (I think that's possible for Jews)

I would suggest conviencing your parents that you will try to convert her, it would be the best course. As a fellow Christain I wont urge you to lie, and I am concerned for her soul, but if you run up to her screaming 'If you dont convert, Ill leave you.' she will either hate you, or 'convert' and go on with her current religion.
As they say:
"Its a bugger."

Okay, I need some advice...badly guys and gals...

My mother is uber-catholic and doesn't like me going out with ANYONE outside of my religion...

I'll give you the same advice as Conan Doyle's mother agve to him when he attended a Catholic school as a non-Catholic. "Wear flannel next your skin, my dear boy, and never believe in eternal punishment."

However I'm in love with a girl who is Pagan...

My religion doesn't recognize marriage to a person of a different religion...

It does, albeit witha couple of provisions

1) Must have a Catholic ceremony and non any other
2) Children must be raised Catholic

How am I gonna break this to my parents?

Gently

I want to stay with my religion and I want to stay with her...

You can

haha, pagan, your boned, you mom will kill ya

1) Must have a Catholic ceremony and non any other
Actually, you can get married in a non-Catholic ceremony, but you must have dispensation from your bishop first.

While it may be a touchy subject, you could try convincing her to convert. Don't be too forceful about it, of course, but show her what Catholicism can offer her that paganism cannot.

I'm guessing you're still in middle school, in which case i wouldn't worry about marrying her, because its not gonna happen.

One important factor is how old you are. If you are still a minor, then it will be a little more difficult to deal with your parents. If you aren't, then you can just tell your mother that you love this girl, and that if she is against you going out with a pagan, then she's absurdly bigoted. Which she would be. Have you done any research into the said form of paganism? I'd wager it's Wicca, since that seems to be the most popular. Perhaps if you learn some more, you could perhaps try to adopt some of that doctrine into your existing beliefs. I'm quite partial to paganism myself. And if not, it shouldn't affect your relationship much, as it seems that both parties involved accept the other. And I wouldn't worry about marriage yet...that should be quite a ways off. And I'm pretty sure that a Catholic church would recognise your marriage as long as you only have a Catholic ceremony, and that any children are raised as Catholics. I could easily remember wrongly, though, as I'm not a Catholic, I just have some Catholic relatives.

Actually, you can get married in a non-Catholic ceremony, but you must have dispensation from your bishop first.
Interesting. Thanks

I have a question for you...why should your religion matter overly much in choosing a mate? If you truly fall for eachother, it shouldn't matter one bit, and if it does, then drop it. You don't have to follow everything a religion says, just what you believe in, it is all that matters. Your mother...well, she may not like it, but if she doesn't want what her son wants for himself, I believe that would be quite the sin in itself.

As for the person who suggested trying to convert her...my feeling on that is don't try it. At all. Not even /ATTEMPTING/. I've seen such things before, and never, ever has it turned out well. Trying to force someone else from their beliefs to yours, just to make your family happy? How is that good in any way for you or her? =/

Okay, I need some advice...badly guys and gals...

My mother is uber-catholic and doesn't like me going out with ANYONE outside of my religion...

However I'm in love with a girl who is Pagan...

My religion doesn't recognize marriage to a person of a different religion...

How am I gonna break this to my parents?
I want to stay with my religion and I want to stay with her...

I need advice...anyone...please...

DO NOT USE THIS TO BASH RELIGIONS...I NEED ADVICE...NOT ARGUMENTS!
Someone else has asked you how old you are, so I won't go into that too much other than to suggest that if you're not sufficiently independent in your relationship with your mother to be this concerned about her opinion of your lover's religion, then maybe you need to put the brakes on for a bit before deciding this person is the one and only.

Secondly--unless you're an extraordinarily orthodox Catholic (like Mel Gibson's dad crazy orthodox), being in a relationship with a non-Catholic shouldn't affect your standing in your church. It's not an excommunication offense, after all.

Thirdly--ask yourself how much your differences in religious beliefs will affect your relationship. It doesn't seem to have mattered up till now, so why should that change dramatically? Remember, if you get married to this woman, you're marrying her--not her faith, and not your mother. That's the most important thing. Do you want to marry her so much that you'd be willing to displease your church and your mother? If so, then go to it. But don't give up on someone you love just because you're afraid of what your mom will think.

Okay, I need some advice...badly guys and gals...

My mother is uber-catholic and doesn't like me going out with ANYONE outside of my religion...

However I'm in love with a girl who is Pagan...

My religion doesn't recognize marriage to a person of a different religion...

How am I gonna break this to my parents?
I want to stay with my religion and I want to stay with her...

I need advice...anyone...please...

DO NOT USE THIS TO BASH RELIGIONS...I NEED ADVICE...NOT ARGUMENTS!

Racist isn't really the right term, because there is no Catholic race, however your mom is clearly overstepping her bounds. I was raised Catholic, and my parents always told me that love is the catholic way and what not, so if you truely love this girl, you mother should honestly not have a problem. If so, her problem is not that she's catholic, but that she's a bitch.

That being said, I'm sure my parents assume that I will marry someone who's most likely christian at least. How you found a pagan is...interesting to me. Is she truely polythesistic or simply an athesist? Pagan can mean both.

That being said, Catholics recognize marriage to a person of a different religion as long as you have it done in a catholic church. While your mother might, your church will have no problem with you marrying this girl.

I'm Christian ALL my Friends are either aphiast or Pagan, And I've learned one thing A different belief system doesn't make them bad people Tell your parents that shes ok

I suggest changing congregations to a less bigotted one. Believe me, they exist.

I suggest changing congregations to a less bigotted one. Believe me, they exist.

They exist even in catholicism

Catholics just have this thing about them that makes them find themselves superior to everyone. Hense why I left.

How you found a pagan is...interesting to me. Is she truely polythesistic or simply an athesist? Pagan can mean both.
Paganism has many definitions, but when a person refers to his- or herself as pagan, it usually is one of the pre-Christian religions in Europe, primarily the Celtic religions. The old Scandinavian religions were also pagan, but there really isn't anyone who practises anything resembling it anymore. I haven't heard too many Hindus refer to themselves as pagans... But the point is that she probably has a Celto-mimetic, sometimes called "neo-Celtic" system of beliefs if she calls herself a pagan.

OK, I'm Catholic and was once in your shoes.

Unless your girl wants to convert you have two choices.

1) Grow a pair and stand up to mom.

2) Lie, get your girl to go along and tell mom she's catholic. It will even work with the church if you coach her right. It's not like they check ID's or anything. My kids godfather is a methodist, so I bent the rules a little. They were stupid rules.

If you think choice 2 is wrong then maybe you too are 'uber-catholic'. My personal advice is choice 1.

Kill your mother.


No... wait, don't do that.


Denounce your religion.


Or not. My mother and her 9 siblings were raised catholic. Only a few are practicing catholics today. My grandma got over it and so would your mom.

More details would be helpful.
1. How old are you and she?
2. What nationality is your mom?
3. Is this girl a pagan-pagan like wiccan, or just a pagan from the church's point of view.
4. Is this a serious relationship?

If you're still young and this is not a serious relationship, don't sweat it. The most important thing is to not get her pregnant. As long as you end up in an adult monogomous relationship before you make any babies, you're doing pretty good.

Convert her! Easiest way!

My girlfriend was an athiest until I set her strait... :p

or just a pagan from the church's point of view.
Those are called "heretics" or "infidels". Pagan is antiquated in that usage in my opinion...though that doesn't stop some people from using the word so irresponsibly.

For anyone who's interested, "pagan" comes from the Latin paganus, "villager, rustic, civilian", derived from pagus, "rural district".

Okay, I need some advice...badly guys and gals...

My mother is uber-catholic and doesn't like me going out with ANYONE outside of my religion...

However I'm in love with a girl who is Pagan...

My religion doesn't recognize marriage to a person of a different religion...

How am I gonna break this to my parents?
I want to stay with my religion and I want to stay with her...

I need advice...anyone...please...

DO NOT USE THIS TO BASH RELIGIONS...I NEED ADVICE...NOT ARGUMENTS!

Convert her!

seriously, don't take this the wrong way and I mean no offence to your beloved but most girls I know who are "pagan" are just in a passsing phase

Those are called "heretics" or "infidels". Pagan is antiquated in that usage in my opinion...though that doesn't stop some
Heretic is generally used to describe a hetrodox christian belief, rather then a non-[insert denomination here] belief rather then a completely different religion. And I have noticed it tends to only be used an uber - fundementalist.

However I agree that 'pagan' is an antiquated term. But hey, what ever floats your boat.

My religion doesn't recognize marriage to a person of a different religion...


Roman (i'm assuming that's the brand we are referring to) Catholicism recognises marriages outside of the religion. If you're mom says otherwise, do some research, ask a priest, then correct her.

As for the person who suggested trying to convert her...my feeling on that is don't try it. At all. Not even /ATTEMPTING/. I've seen such things before, and never, ever has it turned out well. Trying to force someone else from their beliefs to yours, just to make your family happy? How is that good in any way for you or her? =/

Here's a case where it turned out ok. My Catholic Dad married my mom, a Luteren. She then converted to Catholicism. They are happily married.

Trying to convert someone does not mean trying to FORCE someone else to believe what you believe- in fact, the most effective conversion is a respectful, yet persistent one. It can be a delicate balance.

They exist even in catholicism

Catholics just have this thing about them that makes them find themselves superior to everyone. Hense why I left.

Very nive overgeneralization.

With no supporting data? Even better!

I see a more intense superiority complex in most of the anti-religious posters on these forums than i've seen in the Catholic Church so far.

Most people here have made very valid points :)

1) Is there any chance that she would honestly convert to Catholism? This is by far the easiest route.

2) I suggest you remember Pauls council (im too lazy right now to look up the exact referance - i think it is in his epistle to the Corinthians): (Paraphrased) "Let Christians marry Christians and pagans marry pagans."

Wise council my friend... basically it all boils down to if you both share fairly common religious beliefs then it is fine to marry. If your religious beliefs are radically different than one another - then there will likely be major problems down the road.

I've seen MANY families split apart by religious differences. If both of you share similar religious beliefs - life is just so much easier.

As a general example: if you are both different religions and are fairly stout in your faith - there is just something wrong with being married to someone you believe will go to hell for their beliefs and likewise. Or conflict will arise over what to teach the children, etc...

3) My favorite council:
Here is the level of happiness:
1) Happily married
2) Happily single
3) Bitterly single
4) Bitterly married

:)

Heretic is generally used to describe a hetrodox christian belief, rather then a non-[insert denomination here] belief rather then a completely different religion. And I have noticed it tends to only be used an uber - fundementalist.
Ahh, ok, I'm not really too up-to-date on the usage of heretic. Thank you. (though "heterodox" is the orthodox spelling)

However I agree that 'pagan' is an antiquated term. But hey, what ever floats your boat.
Yes, but just to clarify this, I do believe that the alleged "neo-Celts" do have justification for using the word in the manner that they do. Just to assert that only certain usages are obsolete, but not others.

Very nive overgeneralization.

With no supporting data? Even better!

I see a more intense superiority complex in most of the anti-religious posters on these forums than i've seen in the Catholic Church so far.
LOL that’s great!
You yell at them for having no supporting data … then make an unsupported anecdotal claim yourself

Talk about the kettle situation for you

Okay, I need some advice...badly guys and gals...

My mother is uber-catholic and doesn't like me going out with ANYONE outside of my religion...

However I'm in love with a girl who is Pagan...

My religion doesn't recognize marriage to a person of a different religion...

How am I gonna break this to my parents?
I want to stay with my religion and I want to stay with her...


I need advice...anyone...please...

DO NOT USE THIS TO BASH RELIGIONS...I NEED ADVICE...NOT ARGUMENTS!

Here's my nonreligious advice. All of this refers to marriage, not dating.

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I'll say it anyway. If you are still a minor or close to it, you really shouldn't be thinking about marriage! You both still have a lot learn about yourselves and are very young to make such a life long committment.

Even if she was Catholic and things were going great between you, I'd still recommend you wait a while and even try dating others before you get married. Also, if you wait until you are older, you'll be more established and have more money. There are exceptions to every rule and sometimes getting married young can work out great, but usually it is very difficult.

Anyway, on to my religon specific advice.
From what I've heard, marrying outside one's religion can be very tough. Often times, one person ends up converting over to the other's religion or if they don't, things get really sticky as soon the couple has kids. However, the previous posts in this thread show that it is possible. I would just recommend you have everything in order BEFORE you get married. Work out what is to be taught to the kids and make sure that when she says she wants the marriage to last forever, she really means it. The life long committment part of marriage is viewed differently by many non-catholics. When married, things will get hard sometimes and you want someone who will stick around even in those hard times. It's possible that if she doesn't believe in the "contract" part of marriage and just views it as an excercise, that she will have no reason to stay when the marriage gets rocky. Of course, this isn't necessarily the case, but it's something you should evaluate before tying the knot.


My final advice (only implies if you are fairly young which I am assuming): Wait a while! Marriage is hard and marriage outside of your religion is even harder. Also, once you get older, you can do whatever you want without your parents interfering (although I wouldn't recommend completely alienating them or anything).

1. Talk to a priest
2. Tell your parents to go away and let you choose who you want to be in a relationship with (worked for me)
3. If you plan on getting married, do it. All the church wants is catholic kids
4. Stay Catholic, at worst, this lady won't go to church with you.

If you still care that much what your mother thinks about the situation despite how you feel about the girl, you probably aren't ready for marriage. Thats not to say you shouldn't take into account what your parents think, but its your life. You have to make a decision you're happy with.

Also don't marry her, just move in with her. Catholic parents love that :p

If you still care that much what your mother thinks about the situation despite how you feel about the girl, you probably aren't ready for marriage. Thats not to say you shouldn't take into account what your parents think, but its your life. You have to make a decision you're happy with.

Also don't marry her, just move in with her. Catholic parents love that :p
Yup they would love it even more if it were a guy :-P (unless the original post is a girl … in that case it is jut about as bad as it gets)