NationStates Jolt Archive

I was wondering this as my boss was telling me what to put in his letter to a client - he takes such a scatterbrain approach to it that I effectively make it all up for him. He's terrible!

So, it got me thinking - who do you think would make a good dictator?

The first name that springs to mind is Stephen Fry - he just speaks so clearly and eloquently, in that grandfatherly voice of his. Other people are obvious, like Trevor McDonald, or Morgan Freeman.

There may be famous people who many might think would be good, but would in fact turn out to be really rubbish at it. Michael Parkinson or Richard Branson would get my vote in that regard.

Likewise, there could be celebrities, not widely regarded for their intelligence, who would make excellent dictators - Robbie Williams maybe. But probably not Britney Spears.

What do you think?

George W. Bush. Of course.

ya had to go for the easy cheap shot... :)

George W. Bush. Of course.

Hmm, good call. Very clear voice. I wouldn't have thought of him.

What about Hitler? On the off-chance you needed to write a letter in German, would he be any good at dictating it for you?

Oh, Christ! Now there are three of these stupid threads.

Have we reached a point where torture and mass murder are just more grist for the entertainment mill? How is this any different than Medieval villagers turning out to watch a public hanging?

We could use more public hangings up here in Michigan. We had at lesat 3 a week up there in my hometown in Canada.

Oh, Christ! Now there are three of these stupid threads.

Have we reached a point where torture and mass murder are just more grist for the entertainment mill? How is this any different than Medieval villagers turning out to watch a public hanging?

Did you read the thread?

I think Tony Blair is a pretty good dictactor, his performances are usually well practised and polished. You can really tell he means it with favorite phrases such as "well you know, I truly believe..Blah Blah Blah", I wonder how many times he's actually said that. :)

I think Tony Blair is a pretty good dictactor, his performances are usually well practised and polished. You can really tell he means it with favorite phrases such as "well you know, I truly believe..Blah Blah Blah", I wonder how many times he's actually said that. :)

Yes, but with all the soundbites, people might think it was a standard, off-the-shelf letter and that you couldn't be bothered to make the effort. Plus, if you make a mistake, you're screwed because he has no reverse gear.

What about McFly? I'm sure after their success at the Smash Hit Awards, they'd be interested in branching out into other areas.

Lord Havelock Vetinari. Everybody's least un-favourite candidate.

Lord Havelock Vetinari. Everybody's least un-favourite candidate.

Ah, another person who reads threads before posting. Marvellous.

Yes, but with all the soundbites, people might think it was a standard, off-the-shelf letter and that you couldn't be bothered to make the effort. Plus, if you make a mistake, you're screwed because he has no reverse gear.

What about McFly? I'm sure after their success at the Smash Hit Awards, they'd be interested in branching out into other areas.

I thought it was more about the presentation rather than the content, which is why Blair sprung to mind. Everyone knows the content of his speeches are the result of a million spin-monkies at a million typewriters.

I can't say I watched the Smash Hit Awards.

I thought it was more about the presentation rather than the content, which is why Blair sprung to mind. Everyone knows the content of his speeches are the result of a million spin-monkies at a million typewriters.

I can't say I watched the Smash Hit Awards.

They keep showing snippets on "The Hits" music channel. Kylie was showing off her award, and commenting on how big it was. It was about a third of her height, so it must have been all of three inches high.

I would agree with you on the presentation - perhaps Blair and his monkeys could design the template, but not actually write the letter.

Simon Cowell could be another good option - straight talking and to the point.

[I get the feeling people are dismissing this thread because of its title, without actually reading its content.]

Have we reached a point where torture and mass murder are just more grist for the entertainment mill? How is this any different than Medieval villagers turning out to watch a public hanging?

Only one person gets hanged at a time...

And its not like you get to break their neck either. Those peasants shouldve got their money back.

Only one person gets hanged at a time...

And its not like you get to break their neck either. Those peasants shouldve got their money back.

Hmm, gets me thinking - how would your average executionist be at dictating? I'd say they'd have nice clear voices.

Jack Nicholson .... such a lovely smile!

Jack Nicholson .... such a lovely smile!

True, but would that translate to the written word?

Good dictator in the traditional iron-fist dickhead sense? Myrth

Good dictator in the benevolent sense? Nobody

Good dictator in the traditional iron-fist dickhead sense? Myrth

Good dictator in the benevolent sense? Nobody

Good dictator in the "I haven't read the thread first" sense? Not you.

No but seriously - Anthony Hopkins

Clearly audible and how cool would it be if he ends each sentence with that evil Hannibal tounge-licking thing?

A supreme dictator in every sense of the word.

No but seriously - Anthony Hopkins

Clearly audible and how cool would it be if he ends each sentence with that evil Hannibal tounge-licking thing?

A supreme dictator in every sense of the word.
How would you spell that?

Michael Caine - start every sentence with "My name is Michael Caine..." and insert the word "bloody" between every adjective-noun coupling.

How would you spell that?

Michael Caine - start every sentence with "My name is Michael Caine..." and insert the word "bloody" between every adjective-noun coupling.


I always thought the Anthony Hopkins thing was a kind of "sth-th-th-th-th-th..." but i'm not very good with phoenetics so i could be wrong :)

I always thought the Anthony Hopkins thing was a kind of "sth-th-th-th-th-th..." but i'm not very good with phoenetics so i could be wrong :)

That sounds good to me. But would it be difficult to get the right number of th's down on the page? And would that matter?

If I were to have my pick I would have to say this Australian girl I know. Wonderful voice really, and as I see it, I may as well enjoy the sound of what I'm hearing if I need to be doing something silly like copying down whatever she's saying. Downside: I might stop writing and just listen. Did I mention she has a wonderful voice?

True. Clear but not sexy. I think those are the key requirements.

That sounds good to me. But would it be difficult to get the right number of th's down on the page? And would that matter?
Now that is a question for the ages. Best left unanswered if you ask me: some things man was not meant to know.
What about Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow?

No, he's far too confusing. I mean, come on: "Me? I'm a dishonest man. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest one's you ought to watch out for..."
Then again, he speaks at a rate that's not too difficult to keep up with most of the time. Of course, I refer to him only while in character, though Johnny Depp as Johnny Depp is good enough too.... but where's the fun in that?

That sounds good to me. But would it be difficult to get the right number of th's down on the page? And would that matter?


hmmm... good point. i'd suggest a dictaphone but if its anthony hopkins being hannibal , he might try to disembowell it or something :p

True. Clear but not sexy. I think those are the key requirements.
Damn... there goes my Johnny Depp idea. ;)

Now that is a question for the ages. Best left unanswered if you ask me: some things man was not meant to know.
What about Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow?

No, he's far too confusing. I mean, come on: "Me? I'm a dishonest man. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest one's you ought to watch out for..."
Then again, he speaks at a rate that's not too difficult to keep up with most of the time. Of course, I refer to him only while in character, though Johnny Depp as Johnny Depp is good enough too.... but where's the fun in that?

True. Hmm, fictional characters...

What about Homer Simpson? Okay, so you'll be producing poor quality stuff, but I imagine there'll be very little to actually do - giving you most of the week off.

hmmm... good point. i'd suggest a dictaphone but if its anthony hopkins being hannibal , he might try to disembowell it or something :p

It's possible, but I'd say a truly excellent orator would require no use for such a tool, thus ruling out Sir Anthony.

True. Hmm, fictional characters...

What about Homer Simpson? Okay, so you'll be producing poor quality stuff, but I imagine there'll be very little to actually do - giving you most of the week off.
I'd say... Billy West would be good too. The man is a voice actor, who among other things starred in Futurama. I say he starred because, well, here are the characters he played: Philip J. Fry, Professor Hubert Farnsworth, Dr. John Zoidberg, Zapp Brannigan, Leo Wong, Various others. Also, from 1991-1996.... he was Stimpy. A full list is available at http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/PersonDetail/personid-1705/Billy_West/
Think about it: he could constantly change voices on you, alter characters; always keep you engaged: on the edge of your seat.

I'd say... Billy West would be good too. The man is a voice actor, who among other things starred in Futurama. I say he starred because, well, here are the characters he played: Philip J. Fry, Professor Hubert Farnsworth, Dr. John Zoidberg, Zapp Brannigan, Leo Wong, Various others. Also, from 1991-1996.... he was Stimpy. A full list is available at http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/PersonDetail/personid-1705/Billy_West/
Think about it: he could constantly change voices on you, alter characters; always keep you engaged: on the edge of your seat.

Stimpy!! Fantastic!!

Bob Holness. Very clear voice, and if you run out of letters, you can always ask, "Can I have a B, please, Bob?"

Good dictator in the traditional iron-fist dickhead sense? Myrth

Good dictator in the benevolent sense? Nobody
Gee, TW, maybe you should have picked a title that wasn't so... confusing for the poor folk.

Well, Marxlan, it was better than Ogiek's reply:

Oh, Christ! Now there are three of these stupid threads.

Have we reached a point where torture and mass murder are just more grist for the entertainment mill? How is this any different than Medieval villagers turning out to watch a public hanging?
Um, I was taking the piss out of the other threads?

Hey, I'm "Deadly" now. Neat.....
But apparently less deadly than Robbie Williams or MIchael Caine: Cursed dictators!

Hey, I'm "Deadly" now. Neat.

Hmm, now I'm Gaming Master - last week I changed from Deadly to Superior Gamer.

Um, I was taking the piss out of the other threads?
Some people: no sense of humour. So we're agreed now? Stimpy's the best choice? I was also thinking Christopher PLumber, but... no contest.

How about Brian Blessed? A good orator, though he might scare the crap out of anyone listening.

Of course, than again, I can't help but think the Australian accent would help immensely... now if only we could find one whose voice isn't sexy.. ever heard one of those?

Some people: no sense of humour. So we're agreed now? Stimpy's the best choice? I was also thinking Christopher PLumber, but... no contest.

Oh no. This kind of debate never reaches a conclusion. In fact, as it goes on, we can only introduce new names into the hat, thus driving us further away from a conclusion.

What about George Clooney?
Willow the Wisp?
Ruud van Nistelrooy?

The possibilities are endless!!

Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

Oh no. This kind of debate never reaches a conclusion. In fact, as it goes on, we can only introduce new names into the hat, thus driving us further away from a conclusion.

What about George Clooney?
Willow the Wisp?
Ruud van Nistelrooy?

The possibilities are endless!!

Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!
Damn! I was wrong: this thread IS more dangerous than the one's about the other kind of dictator. It's downright evil.

Damn! I was wrong: this thread IS more dangerous than the one's about the other kind of dictator. It's downright evil.

And it's overspilling into the other threads.

Oh no. This kind of debate never reaches a conclusion. In fact, as it goes on, we can only introduce new names into the hat, thus driving us further away from a conclusion.

What about George Clooney?
Willow the Wisp?
Ruud van Nistelrooy?

The possibilities are endless!!

Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

Rudd Van Nistleroy? isn't he a goalie?? well he'd be good at the saving the day stuff!!
(i know its terrible but im tired and just wrote an essay) :)

Rudd Van Nistleroy? isn't he a goalie?? well he'd be good at the saving the day stuff!!

Oh dear. Hang your head in shame. He plays at the other end of the pitch.

Christopher Walken might be an interesting choice.

i can't believe all you guys missed the single, most obvious potential dictator of all time!!!!

of course, while he would also lead the world into a
self-worshipping-cult-of-doom, i think L. Ron Hubbard would unquestionably be the most effective dictator. and then i would promptly move.

Christopher Walken might be an interesting choice.

Ah, good one. A little husky, might be a problem if he catches a cold, but that's a small risk with anyone, so you're still on safe ground.

I think we can rule out Kenny from South Park.

But what about Michael Flatley? He's full of shit, so he could probably dictate letters standing on his head. Or doing a little jig, at any rate.

i can't believe all you guys missed the single, most obvious potential dictator of all time!!!!

of course, while he would also lead the world into a
self-worshipping-cult-of-doom, i think L. Ron Hubbard would unquestionably be the most effective dictator. and then i would promptly move.

I can't believe you didn't read the thread first.

Oh dear. Hang your head in shame. He plays at the other end of the pitch.


i'm sorry. Fencing is more my sport of choice... :headbang:

Ah, good one. A little husky, might be a problem if he catches a cold, but that's a small risk with anyone, so you're still on safe ground.

I think we can rule out Kenny from South Park.

But what about Michael Flatley? He's full of shit, so he could probably dictate letters standing on his head. Or doing a little jig, at any rate.


not michael flatley, NEVER MICHAEL FLATLEY....he's a menace to society with his legs that flail all around the place at an unnatural speed

i'm sorry. Fencing is more my sport of choice... :headbang:
Ooh, Fencing. Epee, Sabre, Foil?

I can't believe you didn't read the thread first.
The scariest thing? IT actually sounds like he read it, but missed the point... somehow.

Ooh, Fencing. Epee, Sabre, Foil?

thats the one! foil and sabre are fun but i don't like epee...
of course then you do get bruises fairly easily in sabre... :(

The scariest thing? IT actually sounds like he read it, but missed the point... somehow.

Yes, that confused me slightly, too.

ME ME ME ME ME
Ye all just haven't heard of me cos people are too afraid to speak my name!!!
mwahahaha

Seeing as the crappy originals have climbed back up the MB, I feel that this parody deserves to be bumped. Please read the original post before launching into how evil Stalin was.

ME ME ME ME ME
Ye all just haven't heard of me cos people are too afraid to speak my name!!!
mwahahaha

No, you'd be rubbish at dictating a letter.

Make my Fuhrer Bill Shatner.

Make my Fuhrer Bill Shatner.

Good one. Speaks clearly with long pauses between words. Best suggestion so far, in my humble opinion.

You think you're a funny guy Torching?

You think you're a funny guy Torching?

I try. ;)

Good one. Speaks clearly with long pauses between words. Best suggestion so far, in my humble opinion.

thanks. at first i was going to suggest JR 'Bob' Dobbs, but i didn't think you'd want someone made of dots instead of a flesh 'n' blood hu-mon. Shatner is my second choice because he's so unbelievably Dobbslike.

I try. ;)

If I didn't know you were taking the piss I really would lose hope in mankind. What is this, "Everyone invent an annoying dictator thread Day"?

Boris Johnson. That'd put Howard in his place. :|

If I didn't know you were taking the piss I really would lose hope in mankind. What is this, "Everyone invent an annoying dictator thread Day"?

We could make it like that if you want. There's still 47 minutes of the day left here in Blighty. Whose turn is it next?

If I didn't know you were taking the piss I really would lose hope in mankind. What is this, "Everyone invent an annoying dictator thread Day"?We could make it like that if you want. There's still 47 minutes of the day left here in Blighty. Whose turn is it next?

Ahhh... that explains why I got a slightly ascerbic reply. (At least I think I did, it just looked too 'terse' to be a compliment.) It did not help my cause that that I was alluding to Stephen Briggs, the real-world archetype (in looks at least) to Vetinari, but somehow edited that out...

/goes off to find the other threads, so far unseen, to see what a fool I made of myself...

Yeah, I was in a very sarcastic mood yesterday.

Yeah, I was in a very sarcastic mood yesterday.

Indedd. Can't we just bury this thread?

Indedd. Can't we just bury this thread?

Yes. I'd left it to die, but someone decided to reply. Please don't reply, everybody. It was a one day joke and now it needs its beauty sleep.

Yes. I'd left it to die, but someone decided to reply. Please don't reply, everybody. It was a one day joke and now it needs its beauty sleep.

Shame innit that there are people who are this stupid.

A few decades from now, this planet will be mine.

A few decades from now, this planet will be mine.
Oh dear. I didn't think you'd make that mistake, TIN. Ah, for people who read first...

Oh dear. I didn't think you'd make that mistake, TIN. Ah, for people who read first...

Who said I wanted to read it? I just decided to say the planet will be mine. BECAUSE IT WILL BE.