NationStates Jolt Archive


Canada Deals With Bush-Dodgers. ROFLMAO!!!!

Eutrusca
25-11-2004, 20:46
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning
citizens who fear they'll soon be required to own guns, hunt, pray, and
agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush
annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
the border, and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in
which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious
ways of crossing the border.

Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping
buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we
get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does
one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the
administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to
Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we
might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
determined to reach out."
Al Anbar
25-11-2004, 20:48
Yes, real funny.

:gundge:
Petsburg
25-11-2004, 20:48
Source Please.
Superpower07
25-11-2004, 20:51
Complete the analogy: I know it's gonna sound so racist, but . . .

Mexican is to American borders as ____________ is to ____________ borders!

a) South Korean . . . North Korean
b) West Germany . . . East Germany
c) Ireland . . . Northern Ireland
d) American . . . Canadian

1st one to post correctly gets a prize



Does this make us Mexicans, in the Canadians' eyes?
Saipea
25-11-2004, 20:51
Heh. That's bloody hillarious. Did you get that from the Onion or something?
Eutrusca
25-11-2004, 20:56
Heh. That's bloody hillarious. Did you get that from the Onion or something?
Not sure where it came from. I get lots of stuff in my email in-box with no source or attribution. Sorry. :)
Saipea
25-11-2004, 20:56
Complete the analogy: I know it's gonna sound so racist, but . . .

Mexican is to American borders as ____________ is to ____________ borders!

a) South Korean . . . North Korean
b) West Germany . . . East Germany
c) Ireland . . . Northern Ireland
d) American . . . Canadian

1st one to post correctly gets a prize



Does this make us Mexicans, in the Canadians' eyes?

I actually don't recall your political alliance; I usually just imagine you're a "hot anime girl"... So forgive me for asking, but your multiple choice options seem to imply that you think Canada is worse / more conservative than America.

Since that obviously isn't correct, I'm assuming you just made it so that it would limit answers from people who can logically deduce multiple choice questions to choose (d). Am I assuming correctly?
Superpower07
25-11-2004, 20:59
-snip-
ROFLMAO - I never noticed it paints Canada more conservative than the US; let's all flee to North Jesusland! :D

and sorry but I'm no "hot anime girl" . . . I'm a guy. And I hold libertarian values
Anbar
25-11-2004, 21:14
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush
annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

My favorite part...this was a pretty funny post.
:D
Dobbs Town
25-11-2004, 21:58
Does this make us Mexicans, in the Canadians' eyes?

Well, northern-adapted, anglophone Mexicans, maybe.
BLARGistania
25-11-2004, 22:06
yay satire!
Impunia
25-11-2004, 22:42
Easy peasy. Just offer to let them stay as long as they like, so long as they do their chores. Then give them jobs requiring manual labour.

You'll never see them again.
Goed Twee
25-11-2004, 22:43
Heh, cute ;)
Siljhouettes
25-11-2004, 23:34
Funny stuff, Eutuska. :)
Haloman
25-11-2004, 23:46
A little extreme, I'd say...when are liberals going to wake up to the real world?
Anbar
26-11-2004, 02:03
A little extreme, I'd say...when are liberals going to wake up to the real world?

There're always a couple who can't grasp satire, aren't there?
Clonetopia
26-11-2004, 02:07
There're always a couple who can't grasp satire, aren't there?

If by couple, you mean "very large minority or occasionally majority" then yes.