NationStates Jolt Archive

I think there is already a thread for this topic, but I have the desire........no, the need.......to write this one.

I know that many of you do not know Dante personally; his activity on NationStates decreased, and any newer memeber would not know him. His activity over the last few months was limited to The Rejected Realms and the RRA; defending, became his life.


Dante Carbonis, age 25, joined NationStates in early February of the year 2003 (well, that is the earliest recorded date for one of his nations, he may have been here earlier, but that nation now gone). His justification for joining NationStates was merely to have some fun.

About a month later, I joined the game. Dante instantly sought me out and decided to have his "fun" in this game. Within the first week I joined this game, I was already in war. Dante began what NationStates would come to know as the longest lasting civil war in the game. It still continues to this day, although very slowly due to some irreplacable losses.

Dante lived in what he considered NationState's prime, the time where founders did not exist, banning was unheard of, password were unexisit, and The Rejected Realms.......just a dream yet to happen. In that time he was a "mild" hell raiser. He would stalk certain nations and persuit them whenever they fled to. This was also his role playing prime, when he was focused on his role plays, and sure as hell did a good job at them.

Shortly, rules were brought into the game and structure as well; founders were created, The Rejected Realms was born, ejection powers were given, and passwords could be applied to regions. This action would create the Dante NationStates would come to know. After his first ejection from the West Pacific (back in the day) Dante decided to take up permenant residence there. And boy did some people wish he had not! Everyday, Dante had a random hour, where he would sit behind the computer and monitor The Rejected Realms, finding those annoying spammers, advertisers, and flamers. He would then continue in making a royal ass out of his targets for an hour, making himself a lot of enemies in this game.

During that time, his role playing skills magnified, and he came to create a lot of hell on the forums and within the threads he participated in. His mind was twisted, and he came up with some of the best plot twists and plans for role plays.

However, real life took it's toll. He suffered from severe depression, a depression he masked and hid so well behind his facade of happiness that no one was able to tell he had a problem until it nearly claimed his life. Dante's depression was first realized only when he tried to claim his own life. He carried his depression with him his entire life; from childhood and up. It was only until the death of our first baby and the suicide of his Uncle (which he, himself, unfortunately witnessed) that he became incapable of hiding it anymore.

Dante's activity in NationStates dwindled greatly. He left the RRA and pretty much the game altogether. The only thing he ever did was role play, and it was clear through reading his posts then that he suffered great pain and anguish.

If his near suicide was not enough, Dante declined worse. He was put on anti-depressents which completely changed the man he was. He was incapable of functioning under Prozac, and he would stare off at the ceiling or wall for hours nonstop. He became the shell of a man; or as Inferno said, "the walking dead." Dante was dead in a manner of speaking; he was not himself and it was evident. He only spent alittle time on Prozac because of the reactions he was having from it. He had to immediately stop taking it, which did not help his condition at all. However, he ended up on a series of anti-depressents, where each one failed.

It was also here, where Dante's largest flaw came heavily down. Dante's alcoholism magnified greatly. He would wake up and drink until he passed out, wake up, go to the bathroom, and drink again. It became a cycle in which he was resistent to break. It also became a habit that would nearly claim his life multiple times. He used to drink alcohol like it was water, which led to taking pills with alcohol. The deadly combination ended him in the hospital on numerous occasions. It came to the point that the hospital knew him on first name basis, especially the usual night crew. His habit did not break though.

He became supersensitive to attacks on his ego or mentality. It came to the point that many people had to watch his back constantly. On NationStates, those who dared to cross him in such a manner, often felt the repercussion of their actions; because if you did not hear about it from me, you did from others who were close to Dante. It was also during this time that he came to make friends with some of the best people I have come to know *cough* CrazyGirl.

He really opened up those within The Rejected Realms Army, and a few others whom he found he could trust and rely on for help. His circle of friends may have been small, but it was surely the closet circle of friends I have met.

He started to see a doctor about his depression, and it appeared that things were starting to get better, well that was after he decked his doctor for bringing up one of Dante's "forbidden" topics. Dante's alcoholism lightened, and he went quite a bit of time without a drink.

And it was also then that I became pregnant again with his second child. He swore to get better before the baby was born. And he really did put a lot of effort into it. He became happier; a real happy. He was so excited for this baby. And when we learned that it was going to be a baby girl, Dante really was himself again. He rarely drank, only on occasions and parties.

And then we lost her.......and Dante's state of mind hit rock bottom. He started drinking excessively again; way too much. I would come down in the morning to find numerous empty bottles of vodka aside of the computer and him passed out either there at the computer, in bed (if he was fortunate to make it up the stairs), or on the couch. It was a sad sight and I became depressed as well. The sight of the man I loved in such a horrible and seeminly irreparable state really upset me; and I spent most of the day worrying whether or not he would end his life for good.

Then, the events prior to "the accident" happened. Dante, in his depressed state of mind, went out for a walk. Not paying attention, he walked in front of a car. The driver was incapable of stopping in time, and Dante was hit. He resisted medical attention, and hid the accident from me (do not ask how, he insisted it was from a fight he later got into that night, and somehow I believed it). It turned out that because of that resistence, his life would be laid on the line later.

And about two days later (August 10th into 11th) , "the accident" occured. His habit once again brought him into a life or death situation. He came home so drunk, too drunk, to realize he was still armed with his gun from earlier that day. It was a mistake we all blame ourselves for, a mistake we should have and easily could have prevented.

His little "niece" found his gun and thought it was a toy; since Dante had it, it must have been safe and something she could play with. She nearly shot herself, but Dante intercepted the intended target by aiming the gun at himself at the last second.

It was a horrible accident. The bullet pierced through his heart, and some other organs, causing a lot of damage. He went into shock before the paramedics arrived, and was unconscious when the rushed him to the hospital. That unconsciousness lasted an entire month, during which he had numerous surgeries (one which would nearly claim his life from the car accident prior to the gunshot wound). His life lay on the verge of death's door for a majority of that month; being on life support most of the time. He barely pulled through in the end.

After he woke up, he spent another month in the hospital before he was finally released. He needed a heart transplant, and under the care of two fabulous nurses he was carefully cared for thoughout the day. The one saved his life yet again. His heart was in a horrible condition, and the one night it slowly failed; if it was not for the nurse's haste and ability to respond quickly, his time would have ended earlier then it had.

During this time, Dante returned partially to NationStates, remaining deep within the Rejected Realms Army, and barely posting outside of there.

Dante spent the remaining weeks up to present time in and out of the hospital frequently. During that time, he proposed to me, and I happily accepted, and he proved the doctors wrong about making love. However, in late October, beginning of November, Dante ended up back in the hospital from a heart failure. He spent some time on life support until he finally got his much needed heart.

He began his recovery, but at a repercussion. Every night he lost his memory. It was the side-effect of one of the medications he was on. Well, one of those nights he happened to lose his memory extrememly early. It was the last night we would spend together.

We went to bed together that night in each other's arms. I woke up the next day.........he never did wake up that morning.

I would like to say, in the only words I can really say right now, that really sucks for you, I am extremely sorry for your loss.

I am so, so sorry.

I wish I could say or do so much more.

I am so, so sorry.

I wish I could say or do so much more.

Oddly, I wished the same thing. I stopped living when he died.

That is maybe the saddest thing I have ever read.

My deepest, most sincere sympathies are with you.

This is the most touching piece of writing I have ever read...

I would like to convey my most sincere apologies to you.

Words will never be able to console what is already lost. And trying will in no way help your pain. However it is all that can be done, by those on the boards at least.

So all I can say is that I am deeply moved and saddened for you and your situation, and I will be praying for you. I hope that in some small way that helps.

I offer you my sincerest condolences on your loss.
You and Dante will be in my prayers.

I offer you my sincerest condolences, you must be very brave to have already posted about him. Once again, i'm very sorry for your loss.

Definately one of the saddest things I have read here. I am sorry for your loss.

....i don't know...

I'm usually skeptical about such things over the internet...

Can you keep your scepticism out of here?
This is definitely not the place.

Regardless...if it is loss that you have suffered through...I feel sorry for you

do any of y'all know Dante or Der Fuhrer Dyszel?
perhaps a wake is in order? anyone have fond stories about him?

fond stories?

he caught me an alligator....dante-style.

Thank you all. I am not sure what to say; this is something I really have never dealt with. I mean, there are some deaths that you can get over, but then there is the one that just hits you too damn hard.

I have many fond stories. Some of the are considered inapprioprate for the forums, while others are mild mannered jokes and memories.

I will post something longer concerning this a little later

Sad.

I've never met him in the game, but I followed his situation on forums.

Sad indeed.

I never met him either in the game, but i feel sorry for your loss.

Sad indeed.

I never met him either in the game, but i feel sorry for your loss.
Indeed, i'm sorry for your loss.

Today is the first time I have read about or even heard of this story. I am very saddened, and I am also concerned. I was directed to this story in the Rejected Realms by "The Empire of Dantes Devastation". The message read:

"REJECTED REALMS AND ARMY 'PLEASE' READ:
http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=375846

Since I will be incapable of ever saying that again, you should really read it."

Because the author mentioned she had also been depressed, I am EXTREMELY concerned about that statement. I realize I know virtually nothing about the situation, but it would ease my overreacting mind to know that this statement doesn't mean what I think it means.

Please forgive if my paranoia and concern is offensive.

i think (and hope) she just means it was very hard for her to tell this, and that she's not sure she can ever do it again because it's so hard to do...
but i'm sure she appreciates your concern.

edit: and sorry for answering, but i have no idea how long it'll be before she gets on a comp, and i didn't want to keep you all worried, hope it helps some..

If this is true, than your loss is overwhelming..If none of this happened, shame on you for upsetting so many people...Maybe you can share with others where Dante lived, so we in fact can look up the obituary...Other Nations, I am not being mean but this is the Internet, and I have heard stories like this before only to find when proof was requested..the "story" suddenly went away...

i think she has better things to do than giving out personal details to a possible stalker.

Indeed......giving the name of a state, country whatever.....Let her answer for herself ....please.....And please don't be so naive as to think all you read on the Internet is true....

I am sure she saved it....You know what never mind....Not my problem

i'd love to, but she just logged off, and isn't sure when she can get on, and someone needs to stick up for her.

and i rather be naive, than hurt someone with stupid comments.
now, if you can't say anything nice, get your butt outta this thread.

I made no stupid comments. I did state I was sorry for the loss. Your rudeness is not necessary. As I have stated if you choose to believe this with no proof, then so be it...

I can't say I've ever had the honor of meeting Dante in NationStates or in real life. However, I am extremely sorry that his time had to come so soon. My deepest condolences go to you, Der Fuhrer. I hope that few will ever have to experience your loss.

May he rest in peace. :(

:( I'm really bad at putting this stuff into words, so I won't even try to. I'll suffice it to say that my extreme condolences go out to you, Der Fuhrer Dyszel's player.

:(

:(

I cannot put anything I want to say in to words...

God be with you. May He walk with you and comfort you through your tribulation.

Der Fuhrer Dyszel, I am glad you showed me this. I would rather talk over a different method, private that is...probably e-mail, I guess as private as that is. Words would be wasted in this instance. I just want you to know, like I previously said, I am here and you can always talk to me. A healing can be achieved and by talking about it will help. I think you should continue you character in my story. Yet, if you feel too emotionally drained let me know and we can discuss other methods. My sight and ears are yours for the taking. Let me be the foundation you can build from. Know that there are people in the strangest places that support you (NS). I can see that already by the other people's comment. Just send me something. I have a busy RL, but I will put time aside for you.

~Look to the heavens and you shall see~

Was that Dante as in Dante Hicks?

I was one of the NS players who had the incredible honor of have played alongside Dante in NS (and began to get to know him from afar via NS).

We met in Imperial Europe. The region was originally founded by the now DOS (Delete On Sight) player Puerto Centro. Shortly after PC's deletion, a couple of us with UN nations joined with with native Jackie Clarkson to keep out PC's nazi allies (Puerto Centro's other puppet was Hitlers Austria -- the original founder of NAZI EUROPE).

For a few months we were blessed with the graceful defenders of the GLA. Then around July, Ohio State Buckeyes (also now a player with a DOS) and another invader alliance entered Imperial Europe with droves of multis. With over fifty invaders and a little less defenders our esteemed defender delegate "awoke" from his four day sleep and ejected the invaders :D

I tell all this story because in RL Dante was at his best here in NS by enjoying being in the moment of the action. Once that "sleeping" delegate (Edgar Degas) departed, he left us Dante (CARBONIS) as the delegate.

-----------------------------------------------------------
BTW, Per some folks in this thread who have questioned the authenticity of his RL death -- Please understand that your well intentioned curiousity (I'm trying to be kind here) is offensive and please edit your posts out of this thread ASAP).
-----------------------------------------------------------

I had originally addressed Dante by his nation's name of CARBONIS.
With players I have become acquainted with in a positive way I sign my name as Brad. He immediately telegrammed back and said to please call him Dante.
It was then I learned a little bit about him in RL (the positives that DFD shared with her beautiful remembrance of him and their life together).

It was but a few days afterwards that Dante broke from his usual careful and forceful NS protocol and announced that he was going on a drinking binge. He was going to just put on a pwp and take off for a few days. He gave me the pwp and asked me to distribute to the natives!

Of course I would've but having been around friends who are alcoholics I sensed that Dante wasn't roleplaying this episode. At once I demanded he remove the pwp -- him being gone would not matter for all of us proudly endorsing him taking time off (ten nations I remember at the time) for a few days.

But I also suggested that he not use drinking as a way to keep from feeling his emotional hurts. It was then I learned about his uncle and what his life has been life marred by depression. Much of what DFD described I was told -- yet in a mania channeled by that very depression it was hard to sort things out...

Dante said if he wasn't going to drink then he needed to talk (telegram), so me and Jackie and Crazy Girl and I hope others spanned the time zones with him.

In time Dante came back around. He still wanted to play NS but was feeling overwhelmed. Yet he did not want the nazis or the invaders to reclaim Imperial Europe. With Crazy Girl's help and the commitment of several RRA, GLA, EAA and TITO allies the UN delegate spot was transfered from Dante to me. Then he went off with the RRA on a couple of missions. Yet a string of defeats on NS against invaders fueled his inner depression which of course had never really stopped.

Of course this timeline mirrored the events in his and DFD's RL. I think those of us who have made this game a significant portion of our lives know that some real relationships are formed here. Yes, there may be deceit involved with some of them (so those who have posted their suspicions are noted). Yet there is also a sense of both safety and intensity that is afforded very uniquely by NationStates (Just the fact that we can post these threads and send telegrams without really disclosing our contact addresses makes this interaction successful. Thank you Max Barry and NS Moderation for making this very special game possible).

Right before Dante's accidental shooting (that he took a bullet to defend someone else a loved one or not so very much epidomized Dante) he had announced he was closing his bar (in order to help refound Imperial Europe, I set up the region Imperial Europe Cruise Holiday. Our cruise ship was named The SS Edgar Degas and the ship's main bar of course was the CARBONIS...) for he was giving up drinking. Then just a week later came his accident...

There is so much more to write (and maybe I will later).
Suffice to say, I feel honored to have gotten to know Dante here in NS.
My only regret was beginning to feel that he was forever indomitable (just him coming out of his coma was an incredible feat in of itself) that I missed an opportunity to visit with him just over a month ago when I traveled to the state of our birth.

May we all treasure the time we have now, for we know not whether we will have another moment.

--Brad
The Paradoxical Paradise of Nolaerie
The Anti Nazi Alliance
Museums Creation Division

oldest memory about dante:

DON'T KICK OUT THE CHAIR!!

maybe i'll post the story here, if dfd doesn't mind...

good and sad memories..many.

pie fights, serious talks, all at the same time..

dante was a very good friend.

Crazy girl-

Thank you very much for replying to my concerns. It was very thoughtful of you.

To those that ask for proof, my only response is this: The only proof I will ever offer NationStates is the proof that lies within my heart. Proof, no matter how seemingly infallable and authentic, will always be disbelieved by someone; there will always be a disbeliever in the crowd of believers. If you feel you need proof, seek out the truth in my words. That is the only advice I will offer. This long struggle was enduring on my weakening nerves. I no longer have the patience nor the effort to go around trying to make believers out of disbelievers. It is your choice; and I shall never try to convince you otherwise.

I shall state though, that since his death, I have stopped living. Something inside myself, perhaps my will, or even my soul, had dissolved. I have been apathetic when I am not depressed. Happiness is slowly dissolving to nothing more then a word within the dictionary.

I do not intend to end my life; at least, not yet. As stricken as I am, the will to end my life does not exist. I have no energy to live, nor any to end my life. I am just here, with no real purpose anymore. The only way I speak is through these words, and what is words to someone anymore? Just a bunch of letters, devoid of meaning, sprawled across a screen. If you can look past these letters, then (and only then) can you begin to contact me.

If this is true, than your loss is overwhelming..If none of this happened, shame on you for upsetting so many people...Maybe you can share with others where Dante lived, so we in fact can look up the obituary...Other Nations, I am not being mean but this is the Internet, and I have heard stories like this before only to find when proof was requested..the "story" suddenly went away...

How about you share with us where you live, your address, and full name, so I can come over there and tear you a new asshole, you worthless little fucking cretin. :mad:

...
i think i remember him posting a few times. maybe a month or 2 ago. said he was using your SN. one of the nicest guys i've met on here. i'm deeply sorry to hear that he didnt make it.

...
i think i remember him posting a few times. maybe a month or 2 ago. said he was using your SN. one of the nicest guys i've met on here. i'm deeply sorry to hear that he didnt make it.

Well, it was more then likely him. If there was a > or ... in the message, it was Dante. He was most known for his "> hey hey hey...'s".

And yes, he was a nice man.......a great man in fact. He was very loving and compassionate towards those he cared about; and he disliked prejudging people because often people are misguided.

ya, that was him then. great guy to talk to. i'm just sorry we wherent able to help him through it all that well.

I first met Dante when he first moved into my area I seen a moving truck one day while I was about to go to work and being a nosy person I had to go see what kind of person/people were moving into my neighborhood. as I approached the truck I could hear the sound of a overly vulgar man in the back of the truck thinking that it was one of the moving men I asked him if he knew the bastards that were moving in here and he replied, me you sh*$head! In shock at that response I just let out a laud laugh that it seemed like he wasn’t ready for, he looked at me and asked if "I wanted a drink?" I replied that I couldn’t I had to go to work but I would be back later that night to help him finish unpacking. Walking away to go to my car to this day I can swear I heard him say cya later friend.

That night I returned and I helped him move stuff from one part of the house to the other we finished a great deal of his unpacking and he decided to call it a night or so I thought as I was leaving he said "No, come on stay for a drink!" I figured y not he hands [to this day I lol I still remember] me a bottle of vodka and I asked for a glass he said what for and opened the other bottle on the table next to me and drank from it I gave him a look and figured y not, I opened my bottle and we drank the night away.

The next day, I wake up and ran out with the biggest hangover I had ever had, I had to I was late for work and I couldn’t afford to miss any days. I was on suspension for being late and calling off when I didn’t want to go in. Running into work in the clothes I had on the day before didn’t help on top of being 3 hours late. As I walk in the door my boss just happened to be at the main desk and poof just like that I was fired.

I returned home to find Dante on my porch, which was weird because I didn’t show him where my house was. I invited him in and I poured him a glass of brandy and told him what happened he laughed and said "Fun, wasn’t it?" knowing he meant the night before I said something like yes, yes it was. We hung out drinking and bullshitting about our lives for a couple of weeks.

Then one night I decided that it would be fun to go to a party and asked if he wanted to go with me after awhile I convinced him to go I told him it was my one friend’s brother that was having a party that night. He jumped up and said lets go that he wanted to see the women that this area had to offer.

We went to the party and no sooner did we go inside did I lose track of where he went, I not being much of a social drinker I got my drink and retreated to a corner in the one room. I looked around the room and to my surprise there was DFD the woman I had a crush on and been friends with for so many years, I seen that she was in trouble and went to go help her but before I got there Dante swooped in and protected her like he has done for so many years now.


I will never forget that man.

I remember when he protected me like that. And then the next day he hunted down my house to make sure that I was alright..........

*cries*

DFD, i left you a message in the RR forum...think you might want to read it..

I think I am beginning to try and cope with his death now. Thank you CG, that really helped.

PIE!!!

Anyway, im active again, and the day i found out dante died, was one of the saddest for me :(

I spoke to him a little on the forums, as CG and DFD will probably know, they DFD added me on msn and aim, then i began talking to dante on that, when he was in hospital kind of time, he was great to talk to :)

You have my deepest most sincere condolencies ((No idea how to spell that!!))

Yeahh :( anyway, good to see your beginning to try to cope with it.

I still don't know quite what to say. It's kind of hard to accept that a friend that I talked to quite frequently is no more. He was a very low-key kind of guy, and always really cool to me. I don't know why stuff like this happens. Why him? Seems like he had a tough go from day one. Maybe a small consolation is that now he can finally be at peace. He left too soon though. It seemed like things could have been starting to go better. The question of why is still what confounds me.

He was always great to talk to, never judgemental, always listened. They say only the good die young. I guess maybe that's true. I wish I could talk to him again.

And, of course, DFD already knows that she has my condolences. No one should criticize her for being sad or crying, because she has a damn good reason to.

This is Dante's sis. Not actually, but I was the closest thing to a relative he ever had. I'm using DFD's nation because A. I'm on her computer and B. I don't have my own account.

I'm posting this because I know that this means alot to DFD. She loved the man and it's not fair that he wasn't really honored the way he should've been.

Dante never seemed like most guys. He looked very intimidating because he worked out alot and there was something about him that just warned people to back off. But there was also something about him that cried out to be heard. But people had to be willing to give him a chance to learn about him.

Dante really loved DFD. You'd have to be a fool not to see that and I'm thinking that lots of people were. Those two were really close and Dante used to tell me abotu how much he cared for her. ANd when he proposed to her he was extremely happy and for those that knew Dante happiness didn't come easy. Most don't know my brother for who he really was. He was a great man and great lover. And he always put others before him. My bro had some much to worry about in his own life but he always put thsoe things aside to help someone else.

And that night he took a bullet for my baby girl was the hardest night of my life. Seeing him there dying and sliding a pillow under his head while I called for help was hard. When my daughter told us what happened I just cried. She told me she shot him. She kept telling us the entire time Dante was in his coma that she killed her uncle Dante. I had to take her to therapy and she missed alot of school. She would go to school and cry alot too.

For those that got to meet my bro thanks for being his friend. My brother had a pretty hard life and it was a comfort for him to have good friends to talk to. He told me a few people that meant alot in his life but I won't repeat their names in the open.

RIP Dante my brother

I am sorry for your loss, please accept my deepest sympathies. I hope and pray that the pain you feel now will weaken in time. God bless you, all our prayers are with you.

Michael Whelan

Hmm........Pain and Misery is like a ravaging plague....It never stops.....Never dies......And their is no cure.......And on top of it all it passes death with such a firm judgement.....A judgement that I have come to know to well.....

§
By thy blessings of the Damned..........May his sadness be lifted from the plains of Chaos.....

A month ago, on this day, at this time, perhaps a little after actually, more closer to six I believe, I woke up to find the man I loved, with all my heart, gone. I know tomorrow I will wake up alone, and I really miss him.

There was something about Dante that no one can replace. Despite all the shit in his life, he still loved and cared people more then anyone else I have met does.

I am having a hard time admitting he is actually gone. I wake up every single morning, expecting this all to have been a bad dream, expecting to roll over in bed and see him sleeping peacefully (Dante style....for those who know what I am talking about). But I find, when I roll over, it is just me in it, no one aside me, no one sleeping aside of me peacefully. I find that he is gone......no more then a memory now.

But I don't want him gone......

I want him back. I want him back so bad. I want to hold him and tease him! I want to embrace him and have him joke with me. I want to silly that silly grin of his again!

I have really barely stopped crying for the past so five hours. Off and on I have been crying. Like I am now. I really miss him.....and I know he cannot come back. He is gone, but I do not want to admit it!

I just want him back!

Some one give me back my ickle Dante.....I beg of you!

:(

A month ago, on this day, at this time, perhaps a little after actually, more closer to six I believe, I woke up to find the man I loved, with all my heart, gone. I know tomorrow I will wake up alone, and I really miss him.

There was something about Dante that no one can replace. Despite all the shit in his life, he still loved and cared people more then anyone else I have met does.

I am having a hard time admitting he is actually gone. I wake up every single morning, expecting this all to have been a bad dream, expecting to roll over in bed and see him sleeping peacefully (Dante style....for those who know what I am talking about). But I find, when I roll over, it is just me in it, no one aside me, no one sleeping aside of me peacefully. I find that he is gone......no more then a memory now.

But I don't want him gone......

I want him back. I want him back so bad. I want to hold him and tease him! I want to embrace him and have him joke with me. I want to silly that silly grin of his again!

I have really barely stopped crying for the past so five hours. Off and on I have been crying. Like I am now. I really miss him.....and I know he cannot come back. He is gone, but I do not want to admit it!

I just want him back!

Some one give me back my ickle Dante.....I beg of you!

Hmmm.......I know how you feel about losing someone so great...Times the number by a hundred and you feel a third of my own....But I still however feel your pain of drowning in self-remorse...And despite all the woes of death that shatter so called "Unbreakable bonds"....The fact is life goes on.........And so must you.....In this life or the next....

§
May your tainted soul rest in peace....

My loss is far greater then just Dante. I lost my family.....the love of my life and our children. I do not know the grief and pain you have experienced, but I can tell you I have lost more then just Dante this year.

:(

Hmm......I wish rather not to compare the loss of souls but would more like you to relinquish your grip on the axis of life......

Just I wish to offer you advice and not see you go down the road which I have taken many a time.......

I very much think this thread should be archived once the mods see fit to. After all, if TG's resignation got archived, then surely the RL death of what, from what i've heard so far, was a great contribution to the RR should definitely be archived. Condolences again.

Well, thank you. I think Dante would appreciate it being archived, but that matter is something I have no say in at all.

I still wake up thinking he is still here. It is hard to admit that someone you loved so much is really gone.

He is not gone he is still in my heart..

dfd i know how yoou feel...I still set up a glass when i drink for him. i pour one for myself and the other for him. then i just look at that full glass and get upset.

he said it, that he'd always be with us.

frosty, you were his friend, his bro, always remember that?

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Hm. I will remember Dante, and I wish the best for you.

I wonder if he really is still with us......

I keep dreaming of him, but they are not good dreams at all. My dream starts off with the gunshot. I rush in, like I really did, to find him laying there bleeding. And I fall beside him and try to stop him from bleeding so much, but the blood appears to be coming from all over, just draining from him. And the pain in his face......nothing a look I want to remember on Dante.

And then, he is suddenly gone, and I am there, trying so hard to clean up his blood, but I could not. I just kept smearing it around, but I was not cleaning up any of it. And the entire time I am doing that, Dante is there, standing there watching me trying to clean up his blood. He was so emotionless standing there; and I shudder just thinking about it now.

My dream ends where I find his gun on the floor and pull the trigger on myself, and that is when I wake up.


This dream has been plaguing me for some time, so I really needed to put that down.

:(

Reviving a dead thread......I know, but a lot of things have me thinking of him tonight, and I just need to post them here because this is the only place that offers my thoughts a release.

I listened to his favorite song tonight, the one his friend Inferno sent him, and it brought back a wave of colliding emotions.

The fact that he is gone hurts so much, and I find myself thinking of fun things we used to do together.

However, I cannot bring myself to accept his death. He was recovering and died, leaving behind what would have been the best thing in his life. He meant so much to me, and few people can relate, only those who know true love.

I know he will never be back. I know what he died of now. I know that his death could have been prevented, but it was not.....which I have conflicting feelings over. He is gone now, will never be back, but sometimes I really wish he were still here to make things a bit easier for me.

:(

Reviving a dead thread......I know, but a lot of things have me thinking of him tonight, and I just need to post them here because this is the only place that offers my thoughts a release.

I listened to his favorite song tonight, the one his friend Inferno sent him, and it brought back a wave of colliding emotions.

The fact that he is gone hurts so much, and I find myself thinking of fun things we used to do together.

However, I cannot bring myself to accept his death. He was recovering and died, leaving behind what would have been the best thing in his life. He meant so much to me, and few people can relate, only those who know true love.

I know he will never be back. I know what he died of now. I know that his death could have been prevented, but it was not.....which I have conflicting feelings over. He is gone now, will never be back, but sometimes I really wish he were still here to make things a bit easier for me.

:(
:(
:fluffle:
I feel bad that none of us can really do anything to make you feel better.
I guess all I can really say is that I'm sorry this had to happen to you. I know how it feels, and I would never wish it upon anybody.
Not anyone.

I could never do the same either. It's too painful. It is killing someone without touching them or calling them a name. Death is definately not something in one of those stupid movies.

Ugh, when I woke up to find him dead, nothing you see in a movie can depict that real image....and movies do not show senses like touch.....how cold and dead he was. He unmoving he was.....and he definately did not look like he was sleeping; it was clearly obvious he was dead; I knew it immediately.

Sorry, this is a very touchy subject for me, that leaves me very emotional and shakey.

It's kind of ironic how nobody realizes the truth about death until it happens, and often not until they see it.
They don't realize the one bigest thing about it: It's permanent.
The most final of all finalities.
And when you do realize it, it scars you. Sometimes, like for me, forever.
I know, I know, I'm hopelessly off-topic, so I'll quit while I'm ahead.

I hope you feel better someday...

I could never do the same either. It's too painful. It is killing someone without touching them or calling them a name. Death is definately not something in one of those stupid movies.

Ugh, when I woke up to find him dead, nothing you see in a movie can depict that real image....and movies do not show senses like touch.....how cold and dead he was. He unmoving he was.....and he definately did not look like he was sleeping; it was clearly obvious he was dead; I knew it immediately.

Sorry, this is a very touchy subject for me, that leaves me very emotional and shakey.

Just wanted to post that I continue to hold you in the Light
Regrets are what they are -- but from what I know of you and Dante, you did everything possible to support him in the space that was available for you to do so.

Grieving is necessary but hang in life anyway.

-- Brad

I missed this when it was first posted...

All I can say is that is an incredibly sad story...my sincere condolences. I guess you can be thankful that the child survived due to his sacrifice. That's all I can say.

You've had to deal with many difficult situations and a tragic death. You need company and people around you and things to do rather than being alone and thinking so much about those awful last moments. Please know that all of us here care about you and wish you well. Please take care of yourself and get some company. It sounds like you shouldn't be alone now.

----------------------
That he was near to you so many a year
But darkens your distress.
Would you he were less worthy and less dear
That you might grieve the less?

He was a golden font that freely poured
What memory endures.
And though that font be gone, its bounty stored
and treasured, still is yours.

The past is deathless. Souls are wells too deep
To spend their purest gains.
All that he gave to you is yours to keep
While memory remains.

Who never had and lost -- forlorn are they
Unlike you whose bright eye
Held his image. Judge not the price you pay
For love that cannot die.
--Anonymous

Sweetie,

It's been five months since you passed. I kept thinking about you all yesturday and today. So many things have happened; topics reminding me of you that have been brought into my view numerous times this week.

I think you are trying to tell me something. You have always had a silent and subtle way of doing that. The look in your eyes; the way you acted; you never had to tell me, it was everything else you did that reminded me of you.

I still remember vividly the night you died. I regret so much, but I know that you would not want me to beat myself up over this. I know you try to find ways to tell me that everything is alright, but I just want you back in my life. There is nothing more relaxing than the serenity that came from me listening to you breathe, or the comfort I got from your touch.

I hope that you are taking good care of our babies; although, I really know that I should not worry. I am confident that they are now in great hands.

I miss you so much. Every day I wake up still hoping that it was all a dream; that I would roll over to see you sleeping soundly or grinning at me. I know you are gone, but sweetie, it hurts too much to accept it.

Accepting I will never again be with you, is harder then I could have imagined. Accepting that you are dead.......it's too much. I am afraid to accept you are dead; perhaps my mind is just playing horrible tricks on me.

But deep down, deep down, I know it's not. I know you are dead. I know that I cannot bring you back; and that no words could ever resurrect you. But I still miss you greatly.

I lost two of your nations today. I felt really bad; one of them was your baby. I let your proud nation die. I requested to have it restored, but the quilt I feel for letting this happen to your nation is overwhelming. I just wish I had been more responsible.

I think you are reading this; or at least, I would like to believe you are. You were really tied into NS; so I doubt that you will just leave it all behind after your death. I think somewhere you are still mocking those annoying spammers and making fun of those pompous assholes. You had so much fun antagonizing them; I did as well.

I am going to stop this now, but I want you to know that I love you dearly. I am not sure I will ever really move on, but I want you to know that I am slowly coming to terms with your death. I love you Dante. Never leave me.

Rest in peace my ickle Dante. I love you so much.


Your little lady.

I also missed this thread when it was first posted. A very sad thing indeed :( I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you feel better soon :)

EDIT: And he's real lucky to have a girl like you to take care of his nations :)

this should serve as a reminder that "RL", is in fact, Real Life. and the people on these forums that seem to be characters in a story for daily amusement and interaction, are in fact,people. people who have an existence that is just as real and tangible as yours. it seems as though DFD is making her way,albeit painfully, through this life. how brave, how stoic. remember, DFD- you have a purpose and a reason. my best wishes are with you as you continue to fullfill and realize why you are here.

and each and every doubter that posted in the thread , shall be telegramed by any humane person on NS, and be asked to remove the kind and insensitive posts they wrote.

How the heck did I miss this thread? :confused:

I'm sorry I haven't been on AIM in months- my computer got messed up and we still haven't quite gotten everything (including AIM) running again. At least you've still got everybody here. Remember I'm only a telegram away though =/

I wish we could have done more to help Dante with his problems while he was still with us. I can't help but wonder if our aid could have somehow prevented this. As always, you've the deepest condolenses from both me and my sister. Life and time does go on, and I think we all know Dante doesn't want you to suffer on his account.

Remeber the chocolate frosting and misc. dessert items!

~Reppy

Der Fuhrer Dyszel,

I'm sorry for your loss and your loneliness. Hoping that thinking about the good times you had with Dante brings you a small ray of happiness in this dark time. Wishing that you will get beyond your grieving and that life will hold you and happiness gently in its hand.

well i know its quite a bump, but i just had to say thats an incredibly sad story :(

i know time & lives have moved on, but if it makes any difference, here's one more person offering heartfelt condolences. i didn't know the guy, but the story touched me. i'm sorry for your loss.

well i know its quite a bump, but i just had to say thats an incredibly sad story :(

i know time & lives have moved on, but if it makes any difference, here's one more person offering heartfelt condolences. i didn't know the guy, but the story touched me. i'm sorry for your loss.


Thank you very much; that was really sweet of you. It was incredibly sad. I honestly did not think I would make it this far after his death, but I really pushed myself.

This is by far the saddest story that I have ever heard online.

I don't know what to say...

You have my deepest symphathies and I am greatly sorry for your loss.

May Dante find peace.

Thank you very much; that was really sweet of you. It was incredibly sad. I honestly did not think I would make it this far after his death, but I really pushed myself.

You are much stronger person than I.

DFD I am sorry about your loss and I am also sorry about the way Groznia acted...not all Invaders are like that....

regards,
Cybercide, BG of Invaders

Shared pain is lessened, shared joy, increased. Thus, we refute entropy.
-Spider Robinson.