NationStates Jolt Archive

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

Yes. Go to college first, then talk.

I wouldn't suggest getting married at 16, just because of the financial implications of marriage, but if you really want to...your choice.

Good luck!

Ummm...in the modern world, it seems to be a bit early to propose. With the average marrying age being a good 8-10 years older than you two...

Wait, two months? How the hell do you even know each other that well?

Trust me, you are not ready. As you grow older your mindset will change, and so will your feelings about who you want to be with.

It is definatly better to wait, and to see if your feelings for eachother can endure a few years until you are older. If they cannot, then perhaps you are not with the right guy.

Whoa, didn't notice the 2 months. I would definitely have to say you haven't been together long enough at all, and at 16, this is just crazy.

I think, probably, you should wait.

2 months? You could still be in the limerance period.

Follow your heart, but, as you are young, keep your mind open for the posibilities of the future.

If you're serious, tell him you'd like to say yes, but you want both of you to wait for a month at least. It'll give you both time to talk to your family and his family, plus you'll have time to think about everything and get used to the idea of being married. Alternatively, maybe you're two crazy wonderful people and you can make this kind of commitment without any problems, in which case, have fun and best of luck!

Whoa, didn't notice the 2 months. I would definitely have to say you haven't been together long enough at all, and at 16, this is just crazy.
Two months!?!

You really don't know someone in two months, trust me on this.

Yeah, your mindsets will both change dramatically over the next few years, I'd say a "patience" answer is best.

Wait a long time.

Yep, 2 months is just not long enough to have any sort of serious relationship, let alone get married. Factor in the age...

Try it out for a while first.

I wouldn't recommend marriage at all until you're well into college. The only thing worse than a messy breakup is a messy divorce. Give it time, tell him it's too soon. My thoughts at least.

Follow your heart, but, as you are young, keep your mind open for the posibilities of the future.

Better would this have been if write it like Yoda you do. :)

Heart your follow, young one, but open you must keep your mind for future possibilities.

If you're 16, you can't even legally marry yet, so any argument is moot.

If you're 16, you can't even legally marry yet, so any argument is moot.
Depends on the state. I believe some states allow 16 and up to marry with parental consent.

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

Give it two years. If you both still care very much about each other, then get married. If you don't, chalk it up to experience.

Like Yoda eh? So, wise the saying is. You, I thank.

you cant get married right away anyway. after all you should have a year to plan your wedding. wait a few months before you make a final decision.

in the meantime research these issues

where will you live? how much money will you have each month (realistically!) and what kind of an apartment can you get for that. YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS. go take a look at the kind of place that rents for the amount of money you think you will have in your budget for housing.

if you are married, you are OFF your parents insurance policy. how will you deal with affording insurance?

will the 2 of you continue to go to school? if so, how will you hold a job too? if you go to school AND have a job, how will you find time to spend together?

what about children/birth control?

who will do the housework?

what is your philosophy of marriage? is the husband the head of the family or should things be decided on an equal basis? does HE agree?

you will need to discuss these kinds of issues with him anyway. marriage is a partnership and both people need to be in agreement on basic issues or it just wont work.

I happen to know my cousin got married at seventeen, and he's currently involved in a nasty divorce and two unfortuneate children are involved.

The age of consent in Massachusetts is a vestige from Puritan times.

With parental consent:
Girls: 12 years old
Boys: 14 years old

Too young. And too early in the relationship. Give it a while and it will be so much better, trust me.

That's not true. The federal government has power to overrule state laws, and it has stated that the lowest possible is 17 years for the girl and 18 for the boy, with parental consent.

Odd. I must not have checked recently enough.

Still, the state law exists and has not been changed, which is strange enough.

Thanks for the correction. :)

Plus with a name of "sexc angel" doesnt really show maturity, eh

Um ok people slow down, woah that was fast. But um, yes, I have no intention of getting married until I'm at least 18, which gives me over a year. So I will have time to plan it all. But it's not something I'm going to rush in to. If I do say yes, it will be a long engagement. I mean, I'm not sure he even wants to get married as of yet, maybe it's just a sign of his commitment to me... I love him so much. And while we've only been togetherfor 2 months I knew about 3 months before we started going out. I mean, I was inlove with him before he even asked me out. I knew it the moment I meant him. It's too perfect to be wrong...

Question:
When he asked you to marry him, he meant sometime in the future? As in: You would be "engaged" and not actually married for quite sometime. That's how I took it, although I could be mistaken.

Question:
When he asked you to marry him, he meant sometime in the future? As in: You would be "engaged" and not actually married for quite sometime. That's how I took it, although I could be mistaken.

No, you took it right. Marriage isn't something I'm going to rush in to... it will take alot of planning and I won't till we're both 18 at the least.

I happen to know my cousin got married at seventeen, and he's currently involved in a nasty divorce and two unfortuneate children are involved.

That happens often, but not always. My cousin ( when he was 17 ) married his childhood sweetheart ( when she was 16 ). They are now in their 50's, have four children, five grandchildren, and are still very happily married. I wish I had some statistical evidence on this sort of thing. Anyone know of a link with stats?

why don't you just get engaged, and since the law says you can't marry till you're 17 or 18 anyway it'll give you two ample time to solidify your decision and see if you still like eachother.

I hate to add to the non-romantic fervor here, but there is no such thing as "Love at first sight." Now there is "Lust at first sight." Which can be mistaken quite easily for love. We are told this by psychology.

Now when I say lust, I don't necessarily mean lust in a sexual way, but I mean a desire for something he has. You are probably fitting him with your exterior ideas about what a mate should be like, and you most likely haven't probed his personality far enough.

These ideas are probably far too superficial.

I wouldn't recommend marriage at all until you're well into college. The only thing worse than a messy breakup is a messy divorce. Give it time, tell him it's too soon. My thoughts at least.

My cousin is 17, got married, split up, has a kid, no job, a new boyfriend, and hasn't gone to college. Wait for college at least. Try going to a local one?

It doesn't matter how old are you....but i don't know one 16 years old guy who thinks using his head instead his balls...anyway...do what you want. :headbang:

<Will Smith> AW HELL NAW </Will Smith>

Just wait it out. It might be the perfect marriage, but what's the harm in waiting a little? Going to college should be a first.

No, you took it right. Marriage isn't something I'm going to rush in to... it will take alot of planning and I won't till we're both 18 at the least.
Yes, but please wait until you have at least gone through college and have a job and everything.

That happens often, but not always. My cousin ( when he was 17 ) married his childhood sweetheart ( when she was 16 ). They are now in their 50's, have four children, five grandchildren, and are still very happily married. I wish I had some statistical evidence on this sort of thing. Anyone know of a link with stats?


Well i hope that's how we end up. Thanks for the positive note :) .

it's way to early in life to be maried or even engaged. trust me. when i was 16 i started a relatioship with a guy. it was perfect. everyone, including our parents, thought we would get married. i'm 20 now and we just broke up, because he goes to a university 2 and 1/2 hours away. we're still the best of friends, but if it had been a divorce, who knows how things might have gone.
:(

my advice: finish your university studies first if you plan on them. at least undergrad.

you change a lot when you leave your parent's house, it's important that you guys both get to know what it's like to be on your own (well, you could live together during this time, but you know what i mean, relatively independent) but living away from home is a huge step and amounts to big changes, personally and in how you live.

i believe it was at 20 or so that you are more or less who you will be for the rest of your life, i could be mistaken... but marriage isn't something you want to jump into before you even know who you are, let alone worrying about someone else.

I'm 16. My Girlfriend is 14, soon 15. Marriage is the very last thing on the huge list of things we'll do as we get older together. We've been together for over a year and we still don't know everything there is to know about one-another.
Some people think marriage is the ultimate definition of love and commitment... it's just a custom that registers you with the government (and God, if you believe such).
The ultimate definition of love and commitment is just that: LOVE and COMMITMENT.

And don't get us wrong, we're not haters or anything. We are just really trying to help you out as best as possible. We don't want any human being to go out and screw their life up on a rash decision. Time is important.

I'd recommend waiting longer than turning 18 (at least 21ish) to get married. I know I changed a lot in that period of time.

My aunt got married at 19 and had 12 children. :eek:

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

Oh, how lovely. You are aware he wants to marry you for the sex, right?
Also, you have known this guy for only two months? Hah! Do not ruin you life by saying yes. If you do, I will have to help pay for your welfare checks.

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

take it from someone that know. i am now 20 but me and my girlfreind have been going out for 3 years. its not a matter of love, its a matter of time you are young, (but not to mean that you cannot make up yuo mind on this) there is still time for you to grow, we already know that we are going to get married, but not for 2 more years...just in case. give it some time, hell move in with him for atleast a year, see if you can live with him. its a challange, and its hard but its the only way you will know if it will make your life happy for the next 80 years. its a life long commitment (sp?). give it alot of thought

I'm 16. My Girlfriend is 14, soon 15. Marriage is the very last thing on the huge list of things we'll do as we get older together. We've been together for over a year and we still don't know everything there is to know about one-another.
Some people think marriage is the ultimate definition of love and commitment... it's just a custom that registers you with the government (and God, if you believe such).
The ultimate definition of love and commitment is just that: LOVE and COMMITMENT.

Look, just because it isn't right for you's, doesn't mean it can't be right for someone else. i know it sounds crazy, but nothing in my life has ever felt so right. I always knew that when I met the right guy, I would know, from the very start. And I knew it the moment i saw him, before we'd even spoken, that he was the one for me. I can't explain it.

before you get married

learn how to cook

learn how to balance a checkbook

learn how to drive

learn how to have an orgasm on your own

learn how to do laundry

get a job and keep it for a year

And don't get us wrong, we're not haters or anything. We are just really trying to help you out as best as possible. We don't want any human being to go out and screw their life up on a rash decision. Time is important.

I know it's just that...
"When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with; you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible..."
I love that saying. But I know how important time is, that's why we're not getting married straight away, and I wouldn't even if we could. It's just a sign of our commitment to each other... is that wrong?

I always knew that when I met the right guy, I would know, from the very start. And I knew it the moment i saw him, before we'd even spoken, that he was the one for me. I can't explain it.
It may be true that you are meant to be. If it is, then it won't hurt either of you to wait until you have more life experience.

Seems like you are always depressed, it does.

Your woe-is-me attitude on the NS forums has me thinking you are either yanking our chains or need some real-world treatment. Let's review: You were raped (as a virgin - did we really need to hear that?), kicked out of your house by your disbelieving mother, got your heart broken by someone you met online (at least it was here at NS, i guess?), and now, at 16, you think you're emotionally developed and healthy enough to make a decision about marriage? The fact that you're asking anonymous strangers for advice about this decision shows that you know the answer - you just aren't strong enough to make it for yourself.

Therapy, you must seek, before free clinic you find yourself in.

Good blow, this is

Ouch, love at first sight. Really, just wait a while, it's not like it's gonna hurt anyone if you do.

Oh, how lovely. You are aware he wants to marry you for the sex, right?
Also, you have known this guy for only two months? Hah! Do not ruin you life by saying yes. If you do, I will have to help pay for your welfare checks.


Agree, I do, wise your judgement of a husband/wife must be. At sixteen, all guys think about is sex. Give it five years or so.

It's just a sign of our commitment to each other... is that wrong?
How about a promise ring then? Instead of an engagement?

before you get married

learn how to cook

learn how to balance a checkbook

learn how to drive

learn how to have an orgasm on your own

learn how to do laundry

get a job and keep it for a year

Um ok...

I can cook (quite well actually)

I can balance a check book

I got my learners a few months ago

I have been doing laundry for about 2 years

Um already can

And I've had the same job for two years.

There's got to be more to it then that...

How about a promise ring then? Instead of an engagement?

I was actually thinking about that. it's a good idea...

Seems like you are always depressed, it does.

Your woe-is-me attitude on the NS forums has me thinking you are either yanking our chains or need some real-world treatment. Let's review: You were raped (as a virgin - did we really need to hear that?), kicked out of your house by your disbelieving mother, got your heart broken by someone you met online (at least it was here at NS, i guess?), and now, at 16, you think you're emotionally developed and healthy enough to make a decision about marriage? The fact that you're asking anonymous strangers for advice about this decision shows that you know the answer - you just aren't strong enough to make it for yourself.

Therapy, you must seek, before free clinic you find yourself in.

Good blow, this is

Excuse me, are you some kind of stalker or something. God, calm down. I come to these people for opinions, what's wrong with that? People do it everyday. And if they didn't want to help, then they wouldn't respond. I turn to strangers because it's often better to have an outside veiw, ever thought of that?

Um ok...

I can cook (quite well actually)

I can balance a check book

I got my learners a few months ago

I have been doing laundry for about 2 years

Um already can

And I've had the same job for two years.

There's got to be more to it then that...


Learn how to take care of a child properly... and no looking after a sibling doesn't count

Have some marketable skills.. i.e. at least finish high school or get your GED before you get hitched.

btw I am intrested to know what job you have had since you were 13 or 14. I hope it was at a restraunt of some sort, or that is some extremely dodgey hiring on your employers part.

Learn how to take care of a child properly... and no looking after a sibling doesn't count

Have some marketable skills.. i.e. at least finish high school or get your GED before you get hitched.

btw I am intrested to know what job you have had since you were 13 or 14. I hope it was at a restraunt of some sort, or that is some extremely dodgey hiring on your employers part.


well that's fair enough. I've worked at a supermarket since i was 14 and 9 months...

You realize, of course, that there is no such thing as love at first sight?

That being said, just no. If you had even seriously thought about this for two minutes together, you would realize what everyone else is saying. Do I really need to reiterate it? Besides, chances are this is just puppy love you are feeling. Give it a year or so. Once he realizes you won't give him what he wants, you'll split up. You'll hate him, he'll hate you, and all will be well with the world.

Oh, and you never love someone with all of your heart. If you did, you wouldn't care abouut your parents, pets, friends, or anything else. That particular declaration is so overused...

Wait till you're both at least 17-19, 18 is a good age. Depending on what sort of job you can get, college is overrated in some regards. Fresh out of college, you'll be making 10,000 more (on avg) per year than what you'd have made by not going to college.


So say you spend 120,000 to go to college for 4 years, you also give up the chance to have made 30,000 per year for those 4 years say as a construction worker or a coal miner...

You get out of college and make 40,000 per year. It takes you 3 years to make up the cost of having gone to college, and then you've still suffered the "opportunity cost" (What you could have done with the time you were in college, but gave up) of making 30,000 x 4 = 120,000, so you've actually lost 240,000 overall.


I've worked it out, it takes about 20 years to financially benefit (on avg) from going to college. Unless of course you're an engineer, doctor, lawyer, MBA, or something similar.

Basically, get to know each other a bit more (most experts agree it takes at least 12 months to really get to know somebody, and this makes sense) but don't think of college as the "end all be all". I am here because I want to a lawyer and so I consider it worth my time as I can make lots more money in law than say, mining coal.

But college may or may not be for you, overall it doesn't really do a whole lot for you unless you're into that thing, it can be liberal in some regards, but even I have had a few experiences I've considered as odd for myself. I've run into some professors who could so easily politicize the classes (jewish professors) but instead they get us to think for ourselves.

I was expecting a marxist indoctrination program, but that wasn't at all what we received. Granter there are some professors who are openly marxist or openly as some might say, "Anti-white" they aren't nearly as prolific or vocal as I originally anticipated. Perhaps it's just my state isn't very liberal to begin with, they sometimes call us "Ohiobama" saying we'd fit right in with Alabama.



But at any rate, you're too young to marry him, and you've not known each other long enough to be sure of it. It takes a second to make a mistake that you could live with for years. Get to know him a bit more, and make he has a steady job before you two get married. He should be able to support you, because that is a sign of a good man, and you should be able to love, honor, and obey. That entails keeping house, and being a good wife.


I'm sure you two will be fine, just give it some time, don't rush things.

Seems like you are always depressed, it does.

Your woe-is-me attitude on the NS forums has me thinking you are either yanking our chains or need some real-world treatment. Let's review: You were raped (as a virgin - did we really need to hear that?), kicked out of your house by your disbelieving mother, got your heart broken by someone you met online (at least it was here at NS, i guess?), and now, at 16, you think you're emotionally developed and healthy enough to make a decision about marriage? The fact that you're asking anonymous strangers for advice about this decision shows that you know the answer - you just aren't strong enough to make it for yourself.

Therapy, you must seek, before free clinic you find yourself in.

Good blow, this is

holy crap, even if you dont think its right you need to colm down, it is not our place to shot this crap at a person, calm down and let her live her life. if its a bad chose, then it is, she'll learn. if its not then she live a happy life.

I got married when I was 17. That was almost 7 years ago. Most might be suprised to hear that we are still happily married. HOWEVER, both my husband and I agree looking back that it would have been better for us to wait. We have struggled financialy throughout most of our marriage and if we would have saved up and had secure well paying jobs before the fact, it would have helped a lot. I also believe that it's only by the grace of God that we are still together. If we didn't both not believe in divorce, we would probably not be together right now. I think the divorce rate of people that get married that young is something like 85%. Just concentrate on school and have fun dating. Dating is one of the best parts of a long term relationship. Also, please wait till you are married until you have sex. Sex is much better after you are married. Trust me on this...

I was actually thinking about that. it's a good idea...
^_^ It is a way to prove your commitment to each other, since you said that sort of thing is what you want, without actually getting too deeply embroiled in things that, forgive me for saying so, you are probably too young for right now.
I would really reccomend a promise ring.

If it truly is love that will last, what is the danger of waiting a while until you're more certain and more stable? Remember the hindsight is always better than foresight. If you can have a sort of trial "boyfriend" or "dating" phase, it will help more thanif you commit fully right away. The financial concerns are of good note, too. Just a small investment in education early on can radically increase the ammount of money to be earned in the long run. Make sure you make education (college, mostly) a prerequisite, or at least a concurrent necessity, for marriage. college, or the trade school equivelant. Whichever path is favored.

Um ok...

I can cook (quite well actually)

I can balance a check book

I got my learners a few months ago

I have been doing laundry for about 2 years

Um already can

And I've had the same job for two years.

There's got to be more to it then that...
oh theres lots more to it than that but think of how awful it would be to start out married life without knowing those things

i actually know women who in their 50s didnt know how to drive, write a check, and had never held a job. its a scary position to be in.

so you already know that the kind of job you have now isnt the kind of job you hope to hold when you are .....30... eh?

so you have to find a way to fit your post-highschool education into your relationship with your boyfriend. marriage doesnt make that easier. it is easier to be still supported by your parents so you have TIME for school and him.

marriage adds all kinds of stress to a relationship. it can take all the fun out of it. in many ways its better to be young and carefree and in love. you have way more time to spend just being together without worrying about how you are going to pay the electric bill.

if you aren't going to rush into marriage, go with the "pre-engagement" thing so your parents dont freak out and try to break you up.

Get to know him a bit more, and make he has a steady job before you two get married. He should be able to support you, because that is a sign of a good man, and you should be able to love, honor, and obey. That entails keeping house, and being a good wife.

I'll try to resist rolling my eyes.

However, this brings up a point that I do think one other person mentioned: What do you both believe about marriage? Are the husband and wife equal partners who both share responsibilities at home and with children? Or is the husband the provider and the wife supposed to stay at home and "obey" her husband? Or does the husband "obey" the wife? If you're both opposed on this issue, you're going to have real problems. My personal opinion is that you should both have jobs, and you should both know how to keep house so that you can help and support each other, and that way if you do get divorced, you'll be able to take care of yourself.

However, I also think that if either or both of you plan on going to college/university/trade school or whatever else, you ought to do it before you marry. Being financially stable as a new couple will surely make your marriage easier, and will leave you with the time and energy to deal with other issues that may arise.

If you're as in love as you think you are, you two can stand to wait. If he loves you and knows you as well as you think he does, he'll wait for you. If he can't wait, then maybe he isn't as perfect as you think.

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

Yes, you're both way too young. And you've been dating for only two months??? I'm not doubting your love for each other, but now is not the time to actualy consider getting married. Finish highschool, go to college, then worry about marriage. At least wait until after you're 20. Teenage marriages aren't always a good idea. You both still have a lot of growing and learning to do in life. You aren't ready for marriage, no offense, but thats how it is.

I'll try to resist rolling my eyes.

However, this brings up a point that I do think one other person mentioned: What do you both believe about marriage? Are the husband and wife equal partners who both share responsibilities at home and with children? Or is the husband the provider and the wife supposed to stay at home and "obey" her husband? Or does the husband "obey" the wife? If you're both opposed on this issue, you're going to have real problems. My personal opinion is that you should both have jobs, and you should both know how to keep house so that you can help and support each other, and that way if you do get divorced, you'll be able to take care of yourself.

However, I also think that if either or both of you plan on going to college/university/trade school or whatever else, you ought to do it before you marry. Being financially stable as a new couple will surely make your marriage easier, and will leave you with the time and energy to deal with other issues that may arise.

If you're as in love as you think you are, you two can stand to wait. If he loves you and knows you as well as you think he does, he'll wait for you. If he can't wait, then maybe he isn't as perfect as you think.

Just ignore DA. He thinks women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant.

Just ignore DA. He thinks women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant.

Much of what he says is best ignored. But IC, it makes for good RPing.

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

When i was 16, i had already dated a girl for 2 years and it was amazing. :fluffle: It really was the best time of my life i thought, a year after that we borke up and to this day i haven't gotten a reason better then we were to young. :headbang:

that was about a year and 1/2 ago, and about 3 months ago i meet a new girl that, in these last 3 months, i've come to love more then all that time i've spent with the 1st


trust me when i say i totally understand. The 1st one will always hold a place in your heart, no matter what. But you are also 16, and its not worth it to tie yourself down.

Try telling him what i was told.

if you really love each other, then make a promise to stay together, trade bracelts or necklaces or something other then a ring.

If you truely love each other (which i am not saying you don't because i knwo you feel it) then you will stay together and it won't matter if you have the label of being in 'marrage' or not.

When you are old enough, then you will trade rings, and live happily ever after :D :D

Agree, I do, wise your judgement of a husband/wife must be. At sixteen, all guys think about is sex. Give it five years or so.

I have to disagree with this. It certainly was not all that I thought of, at least. (Note that I am not saying it was not thought of at all, just that it was not the only thing going on in my life that I had to think about)

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

Since you don't intend to marry for at least two years there is not much point in becoming engaged. If he is the right one he will still be the right one in a year or two. I remember when I was young (MANY years ago) I would hear girls talk of being engaged. I thought it was silly then. Most of them broke up long before marrage. Then they would say things like "he is my ex-fiancee", as if there was ever a chance of it happening. It is just a status symbol for the immature. To be engaged at this point in your life only cheapens the real experience when it comes. I'm not saying it won't happen but why rush into something with someone you hardly know. Everyone has a dark side that they will not show untill much further down the road than two months. Trust me, I know.

totally wrong about the all guys think about sex part


i am a guy, and at 13, 15, 18, sex has never dominated my relationships.... so sorry whoever said that, leave your stereostypes at home and go meet real people. Don't give advice on things you don't know about

Look, just because it isn't right for you's, doesn't mean it can't be right for someone else. i know it sounds crazy, but nothing in my life has ever felt so right. I always knew that when I met the right guy, I would know, from the very start. And I knew it the moment i saw him, before we'd even spoken, that he was the one for me. I can't explain it.

It would seem to me that you are already heavily biased in your decision making (which is to be expected).

The fact of the matter is, you are too young, no matter what you may tell yourself otherwise. How can you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone (Yes, THE REST OF YOUR LIFE-marriage is not something to be taken lightly) after two months when after 16 years, you aren't even finished discovering yourself? No, you don't know everything about yourself, even though you think you might. Heck, some people in their 40's aren't even sure who they are.

Try looking at it from this perspective: IF (and that's a big IF, considering you've only known the guy for 2 months) this person happens to be the one for you, then great. But what if not. Aren't you worth enough to yourself to prevent yourself from making a potentially life-shattering mistake? Only time will tell. And I'm not going to give you an age. While I most certainly advise you to be at least in your 20's, it may take longer.

You also have to be willing to take any curveballs that might be thrown at you. Marriage is by no means a smooth ride-rather, it has more pot holes than the stretch of I-90 through Cleveland. It will inevitably get tough-financial crises may arise, there may be children to take care of (and at 16, your body is not physically ready for childbirth. It is a proven medical fact), bills to pay, etc. etc. I could go on and on.

I second many of the opinions noted above. Get an education (at least a 2-year degree from a college-go for a 4 year or more if even remotely possible), a good job (not McDonalds, or any other near minimum-wage establishment, but a real job, with enough income to sustain yourself and your family), a home, and a sense of direction. What do you want to do with your life? At this point in time, you and only you should be your top priority. While that may sound a little selfish, it is true. These are the years that will shape the rest of your life, and if you screw up here, it could have grave consequences later on. While that may be a little hard to comprehend, take our word for it.

I will now take the opportuinity to quote the ancient Greek playwright Sophocles:

(From Antigone)

"...All old men have learned to be sensable, but their juniors will not take the lesson as proved."

Basically this means that a big problem with young people is that they don't listen to those who are older and wiser than they, at their own expense. It's been tried, and if it worked out, you wouldn't have all these people lambasting you about your decision. Would it not be better to take our word for it than to painfully learn by example? Spare yourself the potential misery.

I am also made to question this boy's motives for proposing to you. After only two months, I feel inclined to agree with the statement above. All he probably wants you for is sex, and that is no firm base for a relationship. It needs to go deeper, to touch your very core, something that will again, only come with time.

And if this guy truely loves you too, he won't mind being put off. The Bible is quoted as saying:

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

Reflect on this. Is this truely how you feel? Are you willing to forgive any transgression, be loyal, selfless, believing, truthful, and always hope for the best? And equally importantly, is he?

Think about this for a long while.

Again, I don't think you're ready for it, but the choice is yours.

I do pray you make the right decision for yourself.

totally wrong about the all guys think about sex part


i am a guy, and at 13, 15, 18, sex has never dominated my relationships.... so sorry whoever said that, leave your stereostypes at home and go meet real people. Don't give advice on things you don't know about

Yeah, same here. Sex was never, and currently is not anywhere near my main concerns about my relationships.

Um ok people slow down, woah that was fast. But um, yes, I have no intention of getting married until I'm at least 18, which gives me over a year. So I will have time to plan it all. But it's not something I'm going to rush in to. If I do say yes, it will be a long engagement. I mean, I'm not sure he even wants to get married as of yet, maybe it's just a sign of his commitment to me... I love him so much. And while we've only been togetherfor 2 months I knew about 3 months before we started going out. I mean, I was inlove with him before he even asked me out. I knew it the moment I meant him. It's too perfect to be wrong...

Trust me on this... you are better off trading friendship rings (sort of a pre-engagement ring) and going steady than committing to an engagement at your age.

When I think of how much I changed between 16 and 21, I shudder to think what life would have been like had I locked myself into a relationship and not left my options open.

If he loves you enough to marry you, he'll love you enough to wait till you're older.

Heart your follow, young one, but open you must keep your mind for future possibilities.

Best.
Post.
Ever.

:)

Trust me on this... you are better off trading friendship rings (sort of a pre-engagement ring) and going steady than committing to an engagement at your age.

When I think of how much I changed between 16 and 21, I shudder to think what life would have been like had I locked myself into a relationship and not left my options open.

If he loves you enough to marry you, he'll love you enough to wait till you're older.

Speaking from MY personal experience... this is way too early.

First: Knowing someone for 2 months (in couply format), and only 5 months total... you really DON'T know that person.

Second: 16 year old boy. Speaking as someone who has BEEN a 16 year old boy - I can guarantee you that, no matter how mature YOU are, he is about 10 years away from having the faintest clue what he wants... and the worst thing is... he won't even KNOW that, until about his mid twenties.

Katganistan is right... make NO serious commitments. Pledge friendship, but don't go promising eternity - you'll put too much pressure on yourself, and him, you'll build up expectations that you will find hard to change, and you'll make it all the more difficult if it all comes apart around your ears.

I would like to say "Go for it, follow your heart", and, ultimately, that IS what you will do... but experience tells me that you will be safer and happier (in the long run) by waiting. Of course... not everyone wants 'safe'...

Hell, you MIGHT be perfect for each other, you might be the happiest couple ever... but then, wouldn't you still be perfect if you married at 21?

I haven't had a chance to read all the replies (shame on me), but I do want to say this:

You should be capable of financially supporting [i]yourself AND he should be capable of financially supporting himself. Marraige is a serious committment and if you two are goign to live together in your own place, then you need a somewhat strong, stable income. Moreso if/when you have children; children are expensive. (I should know it's expensive; my parents had three of us.)

/me sighs.

At the very least, wait until you both have college degrees or are close to completing college degrees. That's my basic advice.

Most important of all: Ask yourself, honestly.... Are you ready? You know the particulars of your own situation best (I should hope). You already know the answer; you just have it find it within your own thoughts.

"Think about it for a moment."

I don't know your religious affiliation, but nevertheless, I pray that God will grant you His wisdom. I wish you and your boyfriend well.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

I got married when I had just turned 19. I proposed when i was 17. And so far its been great. (It's been almost 2 years, and we are going strong). Follow your heart. But they are right, 2 months is not long enough to know someone. When i had been dating my wife for 6 months, i proposed. So what i'm trying to say is that if you still feel the way you do now, in six months, i say go for it with everything you've got. I'll tell you what my pastor said at the wedding, "No matter what you go through, you will always have the other person." That has kept with me since he said it. Sure you'll have your spats, but who doesn't, but guess what, I think the make-up sex is worth it. LOL.

Follow your heart-but temper it with being sinsible too, go to college, make a life for yourself too, give yourself aims and go for them and be honest with your boyfriend so he knows what you want (aside from him and marriage). I married my wife when she was 19, we had been engaged since she was 16, twenty years later we have three great kids and love each other more now than ever.
It can work, but there has to be a strength within the pair of you, there has to be a lot of give and take because love is not enough at the end of the day.

I would suggest telling him that while you love him, you're just not ready for marriage (because love is not the only factor) yet, and besides, in only 2 months, you don't know someone. But don't tell him this as a break-up, just tell him that it would be too complicated.

Ok, u've known this guy for 5 months... if i think my opinions of people have changed soooo much. Some of my best friends who i would trust with my life i used to hate n wouldn even trust with my pencil 3 years ago. If it took me 2 years 2 realise wat a great person they were (n it goes the other way 2 ie from friendship 2 h8) then believe me ur opinion of him could change the same way n do u really wanna go thru a divorce....

this may sound harsh but i think it's the way it is... are u prepared 2 go thru with a divorce? if u answered yes then go ahead and marry him already but if u said no well i suggest u dont for another 2 years atleast

wow, a couple of kids date for two months and decide that they are ready to commit their lives to each other based on the fact that they are 16 and each really thinks the other is neeto...and people say HOMOSEXUALS are debasing the sanctity of marriage. now that's hilarious.

wow, a couple of kids date for two months and decide that they are ready to commit their lives to each other based on the fact that they are 16 and each really thinks the other is neeto...and people say HOMOSEXUALS are debasing the sanctity of marriage. now that's hilarious.

Constructive as ever, Bottle. Well done.

There's no harm in waiting, Sexc, and like plenty of people said, people change, particularly when you go through college and in the few years after, while you decide what you want to do with your life. You might never fall out, but you might find that you want completely different things and your lives are incompatible. Take the time to enjoy every stage of your relationship, there's no rush. Never make promises unless you are sure you can keep them.

Hi sexc
Im glad to see your happy but please wait for a while before you start thinking of marriage and commitment. Maybe he can get you an eternity ring or something? Personallt I look back at when I was 16 and think that i would have been to young for marriage...heck i'm 22 and still too young! Give yourself time and loads of you time as if you love each other, they'll be plenty of time for each other.

Constructive as ever, Bottle. Well done.
what, you want me to pamper the feelings of these two star-crossed lovers? i could sugar-coat my words with something sweet about how love can wait and they will grow together and knowing themselves before they try to know another and blah blah blah, but the bottom line would remain the same: they've been dating for two months and they're not even old enough to drink champagne at their own wedding reception. if they think they are adult enough to commit their lives to one another then they must be adult enough to hear the straight story.

what, you want me to pamper the feelings of these two star-crossed lovers? i could sugar-coat my words with something sweet about how love can wait and they will grow together and knowing themselves before they try to know another and blah blah blah, but the bottom line would remain the same: they've been dating for two months and they're not even old enough to drink champagne at their own wedding reception. if they think they are adult enough to commit their lives to one another then they must be adult enough to hear the straight story.

I hardly think "you're debasing the sanctity of marriage" is the straight story. Nor is what I said sugar-coated. I agree that they're unlikely to stay together - I can't think of any couple I know who didn't split up when they went to uni. The difference is that I'm willing to accept they might actually be right for each other, and you just enjoy pissing on other people's chips.

Look, just because it isn't right for you's, doesn't mean it can't be right for someone else. i know it sounds crazy, but nothing in my life has ever felt so right. I always knew that when I met the right guy, I would know, from the very start. And I knew it the moment i saw him, before we'd even spoken, that he was the one for me. I can't explain it.

I know exactly the feeling you're talking about. I met the guy for me when I was 16. If he had of proposed, I would have been flailing around in a similar quandary to you.

...

He led me on for two years, while telling everyone behind my back how much I sucked. He then turned around and started dating one of my friends behind my back.

Trust me, you DON'T want to act on that 'ahhh... true love' feeling, because there's no guarentee at all that it's based in reality. You know what you feel, and you know what he TELLS you he feels. But you just plain don't know how he feels. 5 months is not long enough to know someone that well. I knew this guy for over two years, and I still didn't spot what a jerk he is. If your guy turns out to be an arse, you'll want to option to cut him out of your life completely and move on - being tied up financially with him would make your life hell.

I second the opinion that you should wait until at least 21. And hell, if I were going to be full-bore cynical I'd tell you to wait until you've been with more guys, since that way you'll have a better idea of what you're after.

its too early...yuor life shall be probably 78-85 years or more, why strap it to merriage? if he truly loves you he'll understand. Besides....im sure he will get bored really quick and start doing dumb sh..stuff.

im 16 and a half, and if im to marry some1 right now....id probably fight her to the death in less than 2 weeks. But its your call

p.s. dont forget...he's a guy. he'll have fun, even if he is married....he'll have fun at all costs, no matter if he has to do not right stuff. and if you get married might not be a big deal, but if you get divorced...that would be waste of time...and the period 16-20 years you dont want to miss out on.

undefined
I've been for my husband now for 7 years. We got married when I was 19 almost 20 and he was 21 going on 22. We dated only two months before we decided to get married. We have a good marriage now...but in the beginning it was so stressful and we had to work out alot of problems.
But It has worked out until now. We had everything against us at first.
I meet him in Japan, where I still live, he is not Japanese but Brazilian. At the time I didn't speak Portuguese, so we had a language of our own mixing Japanese, Spainish, and English. Everyone was against us , nobody thought it would work out. And two weeks after we decided to get married I found out I was pregneant with my daughter...for sure not planned. We now have 2 children.
I love him with all my heart and have so much respect for him. Oh and I do believe in love at first sight, I knew the night I meet him I would marry him. While I was thinking that I was also thinking ...Ok You're going crazy. But in the end I did marry him and it has worked out. I love him more and more everyday.
Don't know if this helps any or no but I love sharing it.
Even if you have everything and everyone against you (language, money, family, etc) it can work out. It has been a tough road and will continue to be but we still love each other very much and will continue to do so.

Did that help? make since? ;) ;) ;)

do you really need to rush into anything? I know you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy. So do that. but why not take your time. Making a commitment now will affect the way you see each other, and the way your relationship pans out in the future, and I'm sorry to say this might not be a positive thing. If you like each other now, and the relationship is good now, why not keep it as it is and just be together. You say he's right for you and you think you're right for him. So just let the feelings you're having last as long as you like. If you really must make a commitment to each other, maybe plan a holiday together, or exchange bracelets, or something similar.

I do speak from experience, I was in your situation when I was 16, and it didn't end the way I hoped it would. I'm not going to go into details, but it was messy, and it wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't been engaged.

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

16. In't that a bit old for Texas?

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

Make your own mistakes,just make sure there not massive ones.

I met my wife when she was 17. I was 20. She has told me that from our first date she knew I was the one she would marry. We dated for 2 years were engaged for one year. When we married I was 23 she had just turned 20. We hardly ever disagreed about anything through courtship. That first year of marrage was pure hell. We fought about everything and anything. I guess it was a matter of straightening out what we each wanted out of marrage and finding compromises. That faze was followed by years of financial difficulty while she drifted from one college program to the next trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. We have been together 24 years married 21 and We are still learning about each other.
My point is no matter how long you've known each other you don't really know that person untill you live with them. TALK about what each of you wants from a marrage. It might be two completely different things. How many kids do you want? Who will do which chores? Who will handle the finances? A house or apartment? New car or used car? The list goes on and on. Love is great...reality bites.
I know you "LOVE" him but you also have to "love" him and vise versa. LOVE=LUST, love=commitment. Think about it.

if you don't mind getting divorced in 18 moths when you've got a kid and another on the way and living in poverty for the rest of your life, go for it.

WOW, this is going to bring up THREE dilemnas!

1) He's throwing his life away by getting married (much less to the first girl he's been with it seems)

2) You're throwing your life away by getting married, which will lead to getting pregnant, which will lead to dropping out of school, which will lead to zero financial security.

3) He's going to dump you, because he's just a hormone driven kid and you see things in him that aren't there.

IT'S WIN WIN!

I know exactly the feeling you're talking about. I met the guy for me when I was 16. If he had of proposed, I would have been flailing around in a similar quandary to you.

...

He led me on for two years, while telling everyone behind my back how much I sucked. He then turned around and started dating one of my friends behind my back.

Trust me, you DON'T want to act on that 'ahhh... true love' feeling, because there's no guarentee at all that it's based in reality. You know what you feel, and you know what he TELLS you he feels. But you just plain don't know how he feels. 5 months is not long enough to know someone that well. I knew this guy for over two years, and I still didn't spot what a jerk he is. If your guy turns out to be an arse, you'll want to option to cut him out of your life completely and move on - being tied up financially with him would make your life hell.

I second the opinion that you should wait until at least 21. And hell, if I were going to be full-bore cynical I'd tell you to wait until you've been with more guys, since that way you'll have a better idea of what you're after.

More wise words from Shaed.

Let me add a little something to this gem.

Don't marry for 'love'.

Obviously - that's going to be an unpopular phrase, especially among some of the head-in-the-clouds romantics around here... but it's true.

{And, no - I'm not saying you should marry for money, or a green-card, or anything like that...}

If you are going to amrry someone, 'love' should be one of your many criteria for your decision. If you are the sort of person who feels that marriage is an institution that really means something (and it sounds like you are) - then 'love' just isn't enough... isn't even the most important thing.

There are two things you REALLY NEED before you marry:

1) You must REALLY know the person. People change, and they keep on changing... you have to really know what makes this other person 'tick' if you are optioning your entire future on them. Two months isn't long enough.. I would say that you need to spend years getting to know each other... at least 2 or 3 years... since the 'pure chemistry' part of relationships starts fading after a couple of years, and then you'll start seeing the realities.

2) You need to be friends. Maybe that's trite, I don't know. But it is possible to be totally in love with someone, and not like them at all... but it wouldn't make for a good marriage. You have to like each other... because that will last longest, and that will help you deal with each other's sharp edges.

Frankly it confuses me that no one has brought this up yet, and I hate to be the one to do it, but I'm not just going off of nothing here, so stay with me. Now, Good_Kharma your story is romantic and adorable, as are so many others in the list of posts. However, 16 is younger than 19, 20, 21...and a lot happens in those years.
Here is what I wanted to say. 16 years, right? You've had about 2 years of Health Education/PE then, right? (*shudders* oh, high school) Anyways, point being the emotional health section. IN GENERAL men who fall in love so quickly have abusive tendencies once relationships continue. For example, men most likely to commit domestic abuse are men who marry quickly (not necessarily young, just quick) and men who say "I love you" within the first two weeks tend to be overly-dependent types---the kind who will gradually disallow you from any socialization. I understand that this may be the guy of your dreams (Here I am: 16 and crazy in love with a wonderful boy in the army, so I know what you mean by wanting to start the rest of your life right away) and he may be super and gorgeous and brilliant and everything you've ever wanted...but he may also be lying. It is a terrible thing to think, and I know you will hate me for it. But a friend of mine was the victim of such a man, and though they are usually older he was her age...Her father finally demanded she spend time at home when her teachers called notifying of her abscences...and she gradually broke up with him. But I know that the experiences she faced with him, the guy she was "in love" with, are not going to be easily forgotten.

Sorry to rant, but I don't want to see you hurt. And I don't know the guy, and I don't want all you men out there getting angry at me for putting up the warning, but IT HAPPENS so guys need to open their eyes, if you ask me. Did you know 1 in 4 college-aged women are victims of rape or attempted rape? BUT don't let me get off track.

Just be careful. Promise rings sound wonderful. Best of luck,
~Lady Ellianna

More wise words from Shaed.

Let me add a little something to this gem.

Don't marry for 'love'.

Obviously - that's going to be an unpopular phrase, especially among some of the head-in-the-clouds romantics around here... but it's true.

{And, no - I'm not saying you should marry for money, or a green-card, or anything like that...}

If you are going to amrry someone, 'love' should be one of your many criteria for your decision. If you are the sort of person who feels that marriage is an institution that really means something (and it sounds like you are) - then 'love' just isn't enough... isn't even the most important thing.

There are two things you REALLY NEED before you marry:

1) You must REALLY know the person. People change, and they keep on changing... you have to really know what makes this other person 'tick' if you are optioning your entire future on them. Two months isn't long enough.. I would say that you need to spend years getting to know each other... at least 2 or 3 years... since the 'pure chemistry' part of relationships starts fading after a couple of years, and then you'll start seeing the realities.

2) You need to be friends. Maybe that's trite, I don't know. But it is possible to be totally in love with someone, and not like them at all... but it wouldn't make for a good marriage. You have to like each other... because that will last longest, and that will help you deal with each other's sharp edges.

Yep, I would go along with that advice.
The most important thing that has kept my wife and I together for twenty years is friendship, we actually like each other and enjoy each others company.
She has also shown a lot of tolerance towards my (many) faults and foibles, she knows what makes me "tick" and I know what makes her tick, I also know what ticks her off ;)
Love is really important in a marriage but it isn't enough, my friend and his wife love each other but they are getting divorced because he cannot reconcile himself to her having a life outside the confines of marriage (i.e. friends that are not mutual).

You don't love him, it's that simple.
Don't let your hormones take charge.

You can screw him all you want for all I care, but don't make a commitment for life just because you're a horny little twit.

as a general rule, since you have posted this here, im assuming you have doubts. If YOU have doubts I dont think it would be a good idea

At 16, you should really be thinking about college. However if he really loves you then he should be able to see what is best for you in the long run. All sorts of things may happen that you dont mean to. Try also to think of what your parents say. As i said, if he loves you, if you go to college he should be waiting for you when you get back.

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?

NO!

NO!
direct and to the point... I like it

I have a dillema. A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 2 months proposed to me. I am only 16 and so is he. I love him with all my heart, he's so perfect in everyway, and I've never been so happy in my life as when I am with him. But I haven't given him an answer yet. I really want to say yes, cause it feels so right, but so many people are saying I'm too young. What do you guys think?
If you can't decide for yourself, you are definately too young