NationStates Jolt Archive

Well? What do you want to know?

Well? What do you want to know?
What a 'Witch-smeller Pursuviant' is.

What a 'Witch-smeller Pursuviant' is.

Ah, good question!

Basically, I go around the country "smelling out" witches. I do this by accusing random people that I come across, and making up the evidence as I go along. Then I get the local rabble to wave pitchforks and torches around, and we have a bonfire and jolly old knees-up.

How's that for a slice of fried gold?

Ah, good question!

Basically, I go around the country "smelling out" witches. I do this by accusing random people that I come across, and making up the evidence as I go along. Then I get the local rabble to wave pitchforks and torches around, and we have a bonfire and jolly old knees-up.

How's that for a slice of fried gold?

I'm just going to assume you're at least being partly serious.

What area of the country is your type of work easiest? I would assume the south, but New England's got its share of history too.

I'm just going to assume you're at least being partly serious.

What area of the country is your type of work easiest? I would assume the south, but New England's got its share of history too.


I think Torching Witches is british. Right?

I think Torching Witches is british. Right?

ah. didn't know that.

I'm just going to assume you're at least being partly serious.

What area of the country is your type of work easiest? I would assume the south, but New England's got its share of history too.

Well, I'm more likely to work in old England, actually. But actually most of my work is in the Brecon Beacons. Although Stonehenge is the most profitable, what with the tourists being willing to shell out for all sorts of crap. I really can peddle anything onto them - I once even persuaded an unsuspecting Kentishman that these old lumps of dog turd I had could help him detect whether his neighbour was a witch!

"I am Matthew Hopkins, Witchfinder."

How many episodes of Blackadder have you seen?

How many episodes of Blackadder have you seen?

All of them! :D

All of them! :D
hoozah for blackadder

hip hip...

hoozah for blackadder

hip hip...

hoozah... :rolleyes:

hoozah... :rolleyes:

Have you been talking to you horse again?

Have you been talking to you horse again?

I have a horse?!?! :eek:

I have a horse?!?! :eek:

Or your cat, perhaps?

And isn't his full name Be'elzebubbles?

Or your cat, perhaps?

allergic to cats, so really don't have one of them :p

And isn't his full name Be'elzebubbles?

And how did you know that, LP, if you aren't... A WITCH!

"Did you say 'Hello little Bubbles. Would you like some milk'?"

"I might have"

"What did you mean by milk?"

"I meant milk, bloody milk!"

*Gasps*

Ah, good question!

Basically, I go around the country "smelling out" witches. I do this by accusing random people that I come across, and making up the evidence as I go along. Then I get the local rabble to wave pitchforks and torches around, and we have a bonfire and jolly old knees-up.

How's that for a slice of fried gold?


how is the money?
who pays it?
is it tax-free?
what about expenses?

Do you weigh any of them against ducks?
Or perhaps you build bridges out of 'em? :)

Gosh, what a lot of questions! I will attempt to answer them one at a time.

how is the money?

Very good. Exploiting people's bigotry and prejudices can prove very profitable. I also get to travel, so it gets me out of the house, which is nice.

who pays it?

Well, I get all the poor local, starving, disease-ridden people to club together two months' wages each, and then proceed to rob them blind. I know it sounds complicated, but really it's a very simple process.

is it tax-free?

You bet, it is! I don't officially exist, so they can't touch me!

what about expenses?

Well, I just take another month's wages for good measure.

I hope I've answered your questions satisfactorily.

Do you weigh any of them against ducks?

No, that costs too much money and I can dupe the local yokels in much cheaper ways.

Or perhaps you build bridges out of 'em? :)

Yes, their ashes do make very good cement, and I also make a bit more money by selling the ashes to the locals, with the tale that it will ward off other evils.

can you pursuivre-smell communists too?

can you pursuivre-smell communists too?

Yes, it's quite easy. All I have to do is disagree with someone on a political point and then I know they must be a communist.