NationStates Jolt Archive


Ask a Witch-Smeller Pursuivant!

Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 11:46
Well? What do you want to know?
Random Explosions
22-11-2004, 11:48
Well? What do you want to know?
What a 'Witch-smeller Pursuviant' is.
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 11:54
What a 'Witch-smeller Pursuviant' is.

Ah, good question!

Basically, I go around the country "smelling out" witches. I do this by accusing random people that I come across, and making up the evidence as I go along. Then I get the local rabble to wave pitchforks and torches around, and we have a bonfire and jolly old knees-up.

How's that for a slice of fried gold?
Arcadian Mists
22-11-2004, 12:00
Ah, good question!

Basically, I go around the country "smelling out" witches. I do this by accusing random people that I come across, and making up the evidence as I go along. Then I get the local rabble to wave pitchforks and torches around, and we have a bonfire and jolly old knees-up.

How's that for a slice of fried gold?

I'm just going to assume you're at least being partly serious.

What area of the country is your type of work easiest? I would assume the south, but New England's got its share of history too.
Kellarly
22-11-2004, 12:01
I'm just going to assume you're at least being partly serious.

What area of the country is your type of work easiest? I would assume the south, but New England's got its share of history too.


I think Torching Witches is british. Right?
Arcadian Mists
22-11-2004, 12:03
I think Torching Witches is british. Right?

ah. didn't know that.
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 12:06
I'm just going to assume you're at least being partly serious.

What area of the country is your type of work easiest? I would assume the south, but New England's got its share of history too.

Well, I'm more likely to work in old England, actually. But actually most of my work is in the Brecon Beacons. Although Stonehenge is the most profitable, what with the tourists being willing to shell out for all sorts of crap. I really can peddle anything onto them - I once even persuaded an unsuspecting Kentishman that these old lumps of dog turd I had could help him detect whether his neighbour was a witch!
Jello Biafra
22-11-2004, 12:21
"I am Matthew Hopkins, Witchfinder."
Legless Pirates
22-11-2004, 12:23
How many episodes of Blackadder have you seen?
Kellarly
22-11-2004, 12:25
How many episodes of Blackadder have you seen?

All of them! :D
Legless Pirates
22-11-2004, 12:27
All of them! :D
hoozah for blackadder

hip hip...
Kellarly
22-11-2004, 12:29
hoozah for blackadder

hip hip...

hoozah... :rolleyes:
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 12:39
hoozah... :rolleyes:

Have you been talking to you horse again?
Kellarly
22-11-2004, 12:41
Have you been talking to you horse again?

I have a horse?!?! :eek:
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 12:47
I have a horse?!?! :eek:

Or your cat, perhaps?
Legless Pirates
22-11-2004, 12:48
And isn't his full name Be'elzebubbles?
Kellarly
22-11-2004, 12:53
Or your cat, perhaps?

allergic to cats, so really don't have one of them :p
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 13:09
And isn't his full name Be'elzebubbles?

And how did you know that, LP, if you aren't... A WITCH!
Nua Shealainn
22-11-2004, 15:21
"Did you say 'Hello little Bubbles. Would you like some milk'?"

"I might have"

"What did you mean by milk?"

"I meant milk, bloody milk!"

*Gasps*
Quagmir
22-11-2004, 15:23
Ah, good question!

Basically, I go around the country "smelling out" witches. I do this by accusing random people that I come across, and making up the evidence as I go along. Then I get the local rabble to wave pitchforks and torches around, and we have a bonfire and jolly old knees-up.

How's that for a slice of fried gold?


how is the money?
who pays it?
is it tax-free?
what about expenses?
L-rouge
22-11-2004, 15:24
Do you weigh any of them against ducks?
Or perhaps you build bridges out of 'em? :)
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 15:30
Gosh, what a lot of questions! I will attempt to answer them one at a time.

how is the money?

Very good. Exploiting people's bigotry and prejudices can prove very profitable. I also get to travel, so it gets me out of the house, which is nice.

who pays it?

Well, I get all the poor local, starving, disease-ridden people to club together two months' wages each, and then proceed to rob them blind. I know it sounds complicated, but really it's a very simple process.

is it tax-free?

You bet, it is! I don't officially exist, so they can't touch me!

what about expenses?

Well, I just take another month's wages for good measure.

I hope I've answered your questions satisfactorily.
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 15:32
Do you weigh any of them against ducks?

No, that costs too much money and I can dupe the local yokels in much cheaper ways.

Or perhaps you build bridges out of 'em? :)

Yes, their ashes do make very good cement, and I also make a bit more money by selling the ashes to the locals, with the tale that it will ward off other evils.
Quagmir
22-11-2004, 15:38
can you pursuivre-smell communists too?
Torching Witches
22-11-2004, 15:59
can you pursuivre-smell communists too?

Yes, it's quite easy. All I have to do is disagree with someone on a political point and then I know they must be a communist.