NationStates Jolt Archive


Plain of Death

Mllia
15-11-2004, 20:29
!!!!Mild swearing!!!!

It was a cold morning. Captain looked across the empty plain with worried looks. They were expecting an attack, but when? One of the brave soldiers came near him and asked " Sir, the food is ready." Dinner passed away and the sickening wait started again. Solders were chatting and some sergeants were playing dice, then the alarm sounded. "They're coming!" Soldiers were running and sergeants were jumping in trenches with horror. The army was coming. Captain tried to run inside the radio shack, but a shell blew it away. Their communication was broken. Gunfire, screams of pain and shouting was everywhere. He ran to a trench and asked the situation to one of his sergeants. " The situation is grim, sir," answered the sergeant " they outnumber and outgun us." The captain felt fear for the second time in his life. They were going to die, but he was going to take some of those bastards with him... After an hour or two their ammo was nearly nil, but they hadn't inflicted a serious damage to the enemy and they were closing in. They started to slaughter all of the captain's squad. Captains last thought before he was full of lead " I SHALL NOT DIE YOU BASTARDS!!!!"
New Foxxinnia
15-11-2004, 23:28
I can't say liked the plot. Lack of paragraphs made my eyes feel a tad stressed. Also you refer to the main character as both "Captian" and "the captian". This may sometimes confuse less diligent readers.
The end comes too abrubtly. And it doesn't leave any true RP'ing branches. It reads more like a novel the way it's currently going.

NO. [Submit to correct forum next time]

[/inside joke]
Mllia
16-11-2004, 08:18
Sorry, this was my first writing. My spelling sucks I know. Where should i post it next time?