Crabcake Baba Ganoush
15-11-2004, 14:16
Linky (http://weeklyworldnews.com/features/sex/61248)
By Skip Peavey
Osama Bin Laden has gone deeper into hiding than ever before because the penile implant he got in 1999 is stuck in the "up" position and he's too embarrassed to let anybody, even his closest terror advisors, see him "that way."
"He's got a woody that won't quit and the pain must be blinding," observes a CIA source who's been tracking what he terms "the strangest development yet" in America's war against terror.
"And that's not going to change anytime soon because even though we can't pinpoint the exact cave he's hiding in, we know we've got him surrounded in the mountains of Afghanistan.
"That means Osama can't get out to see a doctor -- and a doctor can't get in to see him."
Snapshots obtained by CIA operatives in Afghanistan show the terror kingpin looking sheepishly at a camera while covering his naughty bits with crossed hands, which the CIA source insists "is all for show because it's a known fact that Osama has a teeny weenie and could have shielded himself with a pinkie."
The source went on to note that Osama "is severely diabetic. According to our best intelligence, he got the implant in Saudi Arabia in November of 1999 to compensate for circulation problems that left him impotent at the height of his sizzling and well-publicized gay affair with Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein."
"Judging from the trysts we know they shared up until just weeks before Saddam's capture last December, it's clear the implant performed like it was supposed to for at least four years," continues the insider.
"It apparently malfunctioned last spring, which is the last time Osama appeared on a terror video taunting the United States.
"That would make sense because even though Osama is said to be a tiger in bed, in public, he's a prude. The idea of millions of his followers seeing him 'that way' isn't something we would expect him to be comfortable with."
U.S. doctors queried by reporters say malfunctioning penile implants "seldom repair themselves on their own."
"Implants are a sophisticated assembly of tubes, hoses, springs, pumps and, in some cases, computer chips and electronics that tend to work reliably but have been known to go on the blink from time to time," explains one implant surgeon.
"Mr. Bin Laden must feel like he's got a Fourth of July sparkler shoved up there, and when he has to pass water, make that two of them.
"God bless America!"
Questions, Comments?
By Skip Peavey
Osama Bin Laden has gone deeper into hiding than ever before because the penile implant he got in 1999 is stuck in the "up" position and he's too embarrassed to let anybody, even his closest terror advisors, see him "that way."
"He's got a woody that won't quit and the pain must be blinding," observes a CIA source who's been tracking what he terms "the strangest development yet" in America's war against terror.
"And that's not going to change anytime soon because even though we can't pinpoint the exact cave he's hiding in, we know we've got him surrounded in the mountains of Afghanistan.
"That means Osama can't get out to see a doctor -- and a doctor can't get in to see him."
Snapshots obtained by CIA operatives in Afghanistan show the terror kingpin looking sheepishly at a camera while covering his naughty bits with crossed hands, which the CIA source insists "is all for show because it's a known fact that Osama has a teeny weenie and could have shielded himself with a pinkie."
The source went on to note that Osama "is severely diabetic. According to our best intelligence, he got the implant in Saudi Arabia in November of 1999 to compensate for circulation problems that left him impotent at the height of his sizzling and well-publicized gay affair with Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein."
"Judging from the trysts we know they shared up until just weeks before Saddam's capture last December, it's clear the implant performed like it was supposed to for at least four years," continues the insider.
"It apparently malfunctioned last spring, which is the last time Osama appeared on a terror video taunting the United States.
"That would make sense because even though Osama is said to be a tiger in bed, in public, he's a prude. The idea of millions of his followers seeing him 'that way' isn't something we would expect him to be comfortable with."
U.S. doctors queried by reporters say malfunctioning penile implants "seldom repair themselves on their own."
"Implants are a sophisticated assembly of tubes, hoses, springs, pumps and, in some cases, computer chips and electronics that tend to work reliably but have been known to go on the blink from time to time," explains one implant surgeon.
"Mr. Bin Laden must feel like he's got a Fourth of July sparkler shoved up there, and when he has to pass water, make that two of them.
"God bless America!"
Questions, Comments?