Crabcake Baba Ganoush
15-11-2004, 02:59
BLONDES REALLY ARE DUMBER
And there's a scientific reason for it
By CHRISSY SIBILIO
Researchers in Los Angeles, Calif., have recently produced evidence that repeated peroxide hair treatments -- the chemical process that makes blondes out of brunettes -- may lead to significant brain cell deterioration.
Dr. Jerry Knoff, lead researcher at California's Institute of Aesthetic Health, was prompted by a barrage of blonde jokes circulating around the office.
"I wondered if it's possible that there is a medical explanation for the reputation blondes have been given," says Dr. Knoff. Accordingly, the doctor and his team put out newspaper ads to solicit women for participation in the study.
Almost immediately, hundreds of blondes put stamps on their applications and faxed them to the institute. Many others tried to contact the office by telephone but experienced difficulties with the phone number. One study participant, 25-yearold dental assistant Bunny McGovern, explains: "I heard a commercial on the radio for the study. They said the number was one-eight-hundred-something. Well, I looked on the phone for an eight-hundred button for at least an hour."
There was also some confusion when blondes willing to participate stood outside Dr. Knoff's office. The sign on the door said "Must Be 18 to Enter" and because only 13 blondes were scheduled that day, they waited for over three hours before one of Dr. Knoff's staff came outside and cleared up the misunderstanding.
Blondes of all ages and social status were encouraged to help the doctor with his findings. After losing her job as a proofreader at the M&M factory just outside Burbank, Tammy Gray, 39, remarked, "When I got fired for throwing away all the W's, I thought I would have trouble moving on with my life. Then I heard about Dr. Knoff's work, and I knew I could help. It made me feel good to know that I could help the medical community."
Unfortunately, when Gray received the phone call notifying her that she had been chosen for the study, she was in the middle of ironing and suffered third-degree burns on her left ear and chin.
Dr. Knoff and his team studied similar incidents of rank stupidity among peroxide blondes and compared the results to the rate of moronic moves among natural blondes. The team concluded that natural blondes were much less likely to do things such as use Wite-Out on their computer monitors to correct typos or pee in the grocery store when confronted with a sign that says "wet floor." The scientist and his team now intend to find a cure for the damaging effects peroxide has had on these unsuspecting blondes.
"An anecdote illustrates the urgent need these women have to be helped," says Dr. Knoff. "As compensation for their time, the institute gave participants an allexpense- paid three-day vacation to Disneyland. As they neared their destination, they observed an interstate sign that read: 'Disney, left.'
"Disappointed by what they took to be news of the theme park's closing, the busful of blondes made a U-turn and returned to the institute."
Well this explains blond wannabes, but what about natural blonds?
Honestly I had a friend who was a blond wannabe. After he got his GED he went for a joyride and though that he could race some cops. He's wrecked three cars, at least, and he's afraid of harmless snakes. I also did a previous topic a long, long time ago where I made public his belief that masturbation is a homosexual act. I never thought that his peroxide treatment might be the culprit for his lack in cranial activity though. Kudos for the scientists in this study.
And there's a scientific reason for it
By CHRISSY SIBILIO
Researchers in Los Angeles, Calif., have recently produced evidence that repeated peroxide hair treatments -- the chemical process that makes blondes out of brunettes -- may lead to significant brain cell deterioration.
Dr. Jerry Knoff, lead researcher at California's Institute of Aesthetic Health, was prompted by a barrage of blonde jokes circulating around the office.
"I wondered if it's possible that there is a medical explanation for the reputation blondes have been given," says Dr. Knoff. Accordingly, the doctor and his team put out newspaper ads to solicit women for participation in the study.
Almost immediately, hundreds of blondes put stamps on their applications and faxed them to the institute. Many others tried to contact the office by telephone but experienced difficulties with the phone number. One study participant, 25-yearold dental assistant Bunny McGovern, explains: "I heard a commercial on the radio for the study. They said the number was one-eight-hundred-something. Well, I looked on the phone for an eight-hundred button for at least an hour."
There was also some confusion when blondes willing to participate stood outside Dr. Knoff's office. The sign on the door said "Must Be 18 to Enter" and because only 13 blondes were scheduled that day, they waited for over three hours before one of Dr. Knoff's staff came outside and cleared up the misunderstanding.
Blondes of all ages and social status were encouraged to help the doctor with his findings. After losing her job as a proofreader at the M&M factory just outside Burbank, Tammy Gray, 39, remarked, "When I got fired for throwing away all the W's, I thought I would have trouble moving on with my life. Then I heard about Dr. Knoff's work, and I knew I could help. It made me feel good to know that I could help the medical community."
Unfortunately, when Gray received the phone call notifying her that she had been chosen for the study, she was in the middle of ironing and suffered third-degree burns on her left ear and chin.
Dr. Knoff and his team studied similar incidents of rank stupidity among peroxide blondes and compared the results to the rate of moronic moves among natural blondes. The team concluded that natural blondes were much less likely to do things such as use Wite-Out on their computer monitors to correct typos or pee in the grocery store when confronted with a sign that says "wet floor." The scientist and his team now intend to find a cure for the damaging effects peroxide has had on these unsuspecting blondes.
"An anecdote illustrates the urgent need these women have to be helped," says Dr. Knoff. "As compensation for their time, the institute gave participants an allexpense- paid three-day vacation to Disneyland. As they neared their destination, they observed an interstate sign that read: 'Disney, left.'
"Disappointed by what they took to be news of the theme park's closing, the busful of blondes made a U-turn and returned to the institute."
Well this explains blond wannabes, but what about natural blonds?
Honestly I had a friend who was a blond wannabe. After he got his GED he went for a joyride and though that he could race some cops. He's wrecked three cars, at least, and he's afraid of harmless snakes. I also did a previous topic a long, long time ago where I made public his belief that masturbation is a homosexual act. I never thought that his peroxide treatment might be the culprit for his lack in cranial activity though. Kudos for the scientists in this study.