NationStates Jolt Archive

So let's say that your son is gay. Further, let's say that you are poor. And black. And a hermaphrodite. And a midget. And are addicted to cocaine. And your job has been outsourced to a country with a name that has far to many "k"s and "y"s in it for anybody's good.
Also, years ago, your mother was raped by an Italian. They also murdered your family. And broke your favorite electric train set. And stole your teddy bear. And set fire to your bed.
Now, a six year old with a switch blade and a shotgun is threatening to shoot you're ex-wife. He also claims that if he doesn't kill her the world will be destroyed by space aliens in two years. Oh yes, and the six year old is your sister or something like that.
Further, at this very moment a foriegn country has invaded yours, on some sort of weird charge (like loitering) that you are fairly sure that your country couldn't have commited because your country was out drinking with Mexico at the time.
Meanwhile, you, who are also a doctor, must choose which person gets to live because they all need, like, blood or tylenol or cat hair or something to survive. And you're one of those people's mother.
You have also been found guilty of first degree murder and have been sentenced to death, but you are innocent. No really, innocent. Yes. Innocent. Really. As in didn't do it. Probably.

So, what do you do?

Worry a lot about what to do with the other daughter, who works for Air Canada.

I'd do the Dew

I say, 'Yatta!'.

Go to Disneyland?

I'd probably shoot myself for being in an episode of Babylon 5.

:D

So let's say that your son is gay. Further, let's say that you are poor. And black. And a hermaphrodite. And a midget. And are addicted to cocaine. And your job has been outsourced to a country with a name that has far to many "k"s and "y"s in it for anybody's good.
Also, years ago, your mother was raped by an Italian. They also murdered your family. And broke your favorite electric train set. And stole your teddy bear. And set fire to your bed.
Now, a six year old with a switch blade and a shotgun is threatening to shoot you're ex-wife. He also claims that if he doesn't kill her the world will be destroyed by space aliens in two years. Oh yes, and the six year old is your sister or something like that.
Further, at this very moment a foriegn country has invaded yours, on some sort of weird charge (like loitering) that you are fairly sure that your country couldn't have commited because your country was out drinking with Mexico at the time.
Meanwhile, you, who are also a doctor, must choose which person gets to live because they all need, like, blood or tylenol or cat hair or something to survive. And you're one of those people's mother.
You have also been found guilty of first degree murder and have been sentenced to death, but you are innocent. No really, innocent. Yes. Innocent. Really. As in didn't do it. Probably.

So, what do you do?

I would offer the cat hair to my sister if she will take my life in the place of my wife's, since my life sucks anyway. If the offer wasn't accepted, I would disarm my sister and hope the space aliens have a better plan, as well as a cure for the disease that requires either cat hair or tylenol.

Afterward, I would read the Bible to Yassar Arafat's family and start a war with Sephrioth, but Japaica wouldn't be allowed to participate.

So let's say that your son is gay. Further, let's say that you are poor. And black. And a hermaphrodite. I'm a Hermaphrodite... Kewl... wow... so that's why men place so much ephasis one having one of these... it's... oh, sorry, was there more to the question?

Have another drink!



or two even...

So let's say that your son is gay. Further, let's say that you are poor. And black. And a hermaphrodite. And a midget. And are addicted to cocaine. And your job has been outsourced to a country with a name that has far to many "k"s and "y"s in it for anybody's good.
Also, years ago, your mother was raped by an Italian. They also murdered your family. And broke your favorite electric train set. And stole your teddy bear. And set fire to your bed.
Now, a six year old with a switch blade and a shotgun is threatening to shoot you're ex-wife. He also claims that if he doesn't kill her the world will be destroyed by space aliens in two years. Oh yes, and the six year old is your sister or something like that.
Further, at this very moment a foriegn country has invaded yours, on some sort of weird charge (like loitering) that you are fairly sure that your country couldn't have commited because your country was out drinking with Mexico at the time.
Meanwhile, you, who are also a doctor, must choose which person gets to live because they all need, like, blood or tylenol or cat hair or something to survive. And you're one of those people's mother.
You have also been found guilty of first degree murder and have been sentenced to death, but you are innocent. No really, innocent. Yes. Innocent. Really. As in didn't do it. Probably.

So, what do you do?
First of all, my six year-old time travelling sister does NOT get the neccisary cat hair. However, using the switchblade I do my coke off of I do stain the hell out of my ex's clothes with my free flowing blood to create the Perry Mason-esque overturn of my murder conviction so I can get Mexico to come settle this thing between my country and the y and k place, who is so embaraced by the misunderstanding that they give me a job as a 'canonball' at their carnival where my addiction is not so much a problem as it is a job requirement.

When the aliens finally arrive I go off the coke for like three days and then rip into this huge crying jag about those bastards who burnt my bed and stole my teddy bear, knowing that on thier planet 'teddy' is an adjective that means 'seriously, this thing will kick your ass.' In the background on all the tvs I stole to support my habit I'd have playing every film and tv show that portrays Italians as badass'. Soon the aliens will want to know how to keep the Italians from raping them-in order to maintain balance in the universe I would tell them the best thing to do is find my future sister at the age of six and send her back to kill my ex-wife.

Frankly, though-the train set is something I'd never be able to forgive or forget....

Start taking my cocaine... ahhh.. all the troubles seem to dissapear.

I've never been much of a fan of K-Y-Jellyland.

Go on Jerry Springer.

WTF - this really is pointless

Go on Jerry Springer.

:D

Bust out a bag of skunk

You forgot to mention that you're also trapped in a cave with rising water and a really fat guy has blocked the only exit, which leads to a hot air balloon that can only hold one less person than there is with you (all of whom are Nobel prize winners and/or cute babies - and you won't know this until after you're airborn), which is due to take you to a desert island where you can only take 3 things to help you to survive for the next 12 months until the Space ship taking you to Mars is ready...

Go to Disneyland?
Yay, Disneyland!


I could hide in Sleeping Beauty's castle and break into all the shops at night and dress up in the costumes and scare small children so that even the thought of Disneyland makes them shudder for evermore.

Hooray!!!

WTF - this really is pointless
No, you sir are pointless.

I am merely insane.

I would switch to soothing heroin and booze. (http://www.jepoy.net/together/wedding/photo_album/pictures/alcohol_bottles.jpg)

declare war on iraq, slash social services, crack down on dissent, and scapegoat queers, liberals, and the french for moral depravity and a lack of patriotism.

now that that's taken care of, what was the question again?

Grab a Snickers.

Being a hermaphrodite I would probably go f*** myself.