NationStates Jolt Archive

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. Her Majesty and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting so to make it a little more interesting, the queen says to the pope, "Do you know that with just one wave of my hand I can make every English person in this crowd go wild?"

He doubts it so she shows, so she shows him. Sure enough when the royal gloved hand makes every Englishmen in the crowd freak with joy. The Pope not wanting to be outdone by someone in a worse frock and hat than he considers what he can do.

"Your Majesty," He says "that was impressive but did you know that with one wave with my hand I can make every Irish person in this crowd go crazy with joy? It will not be momentary joy like that of your subjects but a never ending joy that they will speak of and rejoice forever."

The queen doubts this and says. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope slaps her.

Yep it's offensive. Sorry, well no I'm not. Also if you purchased this month's Penthouse it's in the back.

hahahahahahahaha now that is one i have'nt heard very big grin

Offensive is OK? excellent! Actually, I'll try to hide this one because it's fairly crass - be warned! :cool:

What is the difference between a menstrual period and a bucket of sand?
You can't gargle sand!

*giggles* :D

Oh that's fucking hilarious. I like that joke.

here's one: (please do not take offense to this joke) a preist and a nun are going thru the desert on a camel, the camel dies leaving them stranded.
the priest say's to the nun,"well seeing as we are about to die, we might as well have sex" the nun feeling curious about it say's "ok we might as well" with that she goes behind the camel and disrobes. she appears in front of the priest nude. the priest is stunned and points to her privites and says " what is that" she replies " that is the fountian of youth". the priest says he'll be right back. he disrobes behind the camel and just as the nun did he appears in front of her. the nun is shocked and points to the priest's privites and ask's
"what is that"? the priest replies "that is the key of life" at that the nun exclaimes "well what are you waiting for? shove it up the camels ass and let's get the hell out of here".

q: what's invisible and smells of carrots?

a: bunny farts

Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golfbag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?"

"It's over here in the pussy willows."

She screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"

OK, here's a good one. Granted, it is a little bit racist, but don't cry over spilt milk, I always say.


A trucker is driving down the road in his mac when he sees a black man. He swerves to the side, instantly killing the black man. He drives a little further down the road, and sees a priest. he stops and picks up the priest, offering him a ride. As they get a little further down the road, he sees another black man. He starts to swerve, but then remembers that he has a man of God in the car with him. However, as they pass the black man he hears a loud thump. He turned to the priest and said " Sh*t, did I just hit that guy?" The priest replies, "No, but don't worry, I got him with the door."

Those are all good jokes.

bump for Camel Eaters

Two Irish ducks attempt to cross a busy road, one sets off across when the road is clear, he turns and says "Quack quack" to the one behind.
The one behind says "Oim going as quack as I can!"