NationStates Jolt Archive

say your 17 and ur in love with your BF, and your mom is a B**ch, so you runway with ur love, because ur mother hates him. Is it really wrong, when ur mother hates ur BF because he is "trailer trash", and that is the ONLY reason? Who's being unfair? The child or the mother?

say your 17 and ur in love with your BF, and your mom is a B**ch, so you runway with ur love, because ur mother hates him. Is it really wrong, when ur mother hates ur BF because he is "trailer trash", and that is the ONLY reason? Who's being unfair? The child or the mother?

The mother may be a B**ch, but the child's still dumb. Running away with a boyfriend at 17 is pretty much a bad idea all around.

*Picks up phone. Calls children services...*

Who's being unfair? The child or the mother?

The mother might be guilty of some unfairness, but running away with "ur love" is unfairness from the child. It isn't a good idea. Maturing to adulthood needs certain growth and measured steps. The mother is, hopefully, trying to make sure the child doesn't make errors in her youth which would severly limit her options down the road. As a youth, it's very hard for the child to see beyond today, tomorrow, and Saturday night. So, it might seem very, very unfair to the child if the mother tries to keep her from doing follish things such as running away.

But the mother ought to be able to rule without clenching an iron fist. Calling someone your daughter chooses to loves "trailer trash" is hardly a nice thing to say. Maybe he is. Maybe he isn't. But, if you, as a mother were to resort to labels like that, you wouldn't get very far.

Like in most disagreements, this situation requires compromise. The mother needs to be gentler and softer. The daughter needs to understand her infancy in life, and realize that her mother wants what's best for her. And, really she should consider this boyfriend heavily and probably dump him. Yes, dump him. Not run away with him.

Waiting another year isn't an option? :p

say your 17 and ur in love with your BF, and your mom is a B**ch, so you runway with ur love, because ur mother hates him. Is it really wrong, when ur mother hates ur BF because he is "trailer trash", and that is the ONLY reason? Who's being unfair? The child or the mother?

Neither is, it is very normal for a child your age to try and express a great deal of independence, and for a mother to try to stifle it. It is just natural for a relationship like yours. The most important thing is for neither of you two to do anything to rash like running away.

Speaking as someone who bailed at the age of seventeen, bad idea jeans. Thing is, I'd do it again, because my situation sucked and I would have melted had I stayed (it had nothing to do with a girlfriend, both my parents liked her, it was much deeper than that and isn't materially relevent, so I'll move on).

That being said-it still sucked out loud. I was handed a position in college because a teacher had worked some magic for me but dropped out because on top of suddenly having to completely fend for myself I couldn't maintain or pay for school. And then things got bad. Between then and now, when I'm back in college and getting my graduate degree at the age of 33, thats 33-I've been homeless twice, crashed for months with meth-addicts (not so fun when you yourself don't do meth), couch surfed and charged the hill just to get back where I started more times than I care to remember.

Meanwhile, friends who made the steady step out finished their degrees in timely manners, got jobs maintained credit, some have bought houses, married-gotten on with thier lives while I still live the way I did when I was eighteen-which is to say constantly on the edge of disaster.

So, yeah-bad idea.

(In fairness, when I left I was studying music and my eventual degree is in Film & Digital Media with the graduate degree being in playwrighting, so finishing college isn't really going to change the way I live....but still-bad idea.)

I'm almost 16, so you could say that I don't know what I'm talking about. But I think I still have something to say.
My Mom and I almost never get along. I don't know why, we just don't.

Maybe you should let your BF and you mom talk for a while. If you don't think you want to do that, and can think of a reason why, then that's probably why your mom doesn't like him.

I know my emotions are still very messed up and stuff, so personally I wouldn't run away with any guy for a very long time. I don't think I ever would, but then maybe my parents aren't like yours.

How old is he and what do his parents think?

say your 17 and ur in love with your BF, and your mom is a B**ch, so you runway with ur love, because ur mother hates him. Is it really wrong, when ur mother hates ur BF because he is "trailer trash", and that is the ONLY reason? Who's being unfair? The child or the mother?
if you run off together, i give the relationship 2 weeks at the outside.

When I was 17, I was very mature for my age and I knew it. And when older people (mostly teachers) would "advise" me against my relationship with my boyfriend at the time, I would be furious, and was determined to move away with him and marry him as soon as I graduated. 5-6 years later, I thank God I didn't! Things are going to change so much in the next few years - emotionally and mentally, if not your whole life surrounding.....

Of course my parents never put down my friends/boyfriends, although they didn't always approve. Maybe it's time for you to have a mature, adult conversation with your mom, without yelling/crying/etc. and tell her how she makes you feel, and if she would use a different approach you might be able to understand where she's coming from.

Ur? Wasn't that the ancient capital of mesopotamia?

Ostensibly, I wouldn't touch this with a ten-foot pole. Speaking as one who snuck off intothe night at age 17, however, I can tell you honestly - it makes things harder between you and your family.

A BF is great, wonderful - don't get me wrong. But a BF is far more a transitory thing than blood relatives. There will be other BFs in your life, and perhaps someday a spouse. But there will always be blood relatives, and only death can tear that apart.

In my case, it did. While I indulged my teen persecution fantasies and lived in self-imposed exile, my father died of congestive lung failure, before we'd had a chance to reconcile. It was stupid, short-sighted, and frankly childish of me, and I've regretted it ever since.

But it's your life, do as you see fit. I did and got burned, the same may not be true in your case.

Ur? Wasn't that the ancient capital of mesopotamia?

No, silly, that was Nimrod.

No, silly, that was Nimrod.

Ur was the site of the first ziggurat, though...

Ur was the site of the first ziggurat, though...

Actually, I don't think either was ever the seat of power for a unified Mesopotamia. I just like the name of the city Nimrod.