NationStates Jolt Archive

Road forks you!

One of my favorite Family Guy jokes.

Everybody who knows this joke, add some.

In Soviet Russia, forum posts you.

In Soviet Russia, Poland forgets you!

In Soviet Russia, Iraq Invades You.

In Soviet Russia, child bears you


(think about diff. meanings)

(I always thought the phrase was "In communist Russia..." Well, never mind.)

In Soviet Russia, president elects you!

....you can tell a good joke thrice. First to your friend, then to the commisar, then to your cell mate.

Here's one also about the SU, but different.
Battle Over the Moon
The President's (of America) aide runs up to him and says, "Sir, the Russians are painting the moon red!"

The President says, "Let them."

Ten hours later, the aide runs in and says, "Sir, the Russians are almost done painting the moon!"

"What part of "Let them" don't you understand?"

Two hours later, the aide runs in and glumly says, "Sir, the Russians have painted the moon red."

"Good. Now tell our boys to paint a Coca-Cola sign on it."

....you can tell a good joke thrice. First to your friend, then to the commisar, then to your cell mate.

But, but...don't I get to tell it to the executioner?

*Patriotically hums the wrong national anthem for the USSR in an attempt not to be thrown in jail for crimes against communism*

Its not working, is it.

In Soviet Russia, car drives you

In Soviet Russia, bread eats you

In Soviet Russia, evil bastard stalin used to send millions of Kulacs to work in Siberia where most died of the cold in the fist 48hrs. Making him more genocidal than Hitler or Pol Pot. Whoops, not quite on topic there.

In Soviet Russia, KGB like you

In Soviet Russia, donuts eat Michael Moore.

In Soviet Russia, you lie to politicians.

In Soviet Russia (eh, maybe Florida too), ballot marks you.

In Soviet Russia, fires burn you.

In Soviet Russia, fetuses abort you.

In Soviet Russia, ....

In corporate America, you watch TV. :eek:

In America, upper class spit on lower class.
In Soviet Russia, lower class notice!

In America, upper class spit on lower class.
In Soviet Russia, lower class notice!

Up top, dude

Where does "In Communist Russia..." joke come from?

Where does "In Communist Russia..." joke come from?

The joke comes from the comedian Yakov Smirnoff who is most known for that joke.

Up top, dude

Pardon? Was my inclusion of America incorrect?

"In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you." - Yakov Smirnoff

Guess so.

Let me take 2 guesses who wrote this post, well maybe one. Ben!!!!!!!!

Oh, I almost forgot...

In Soviet Russia you don't drive tank, tank drives you.

In Soviet Russia you don't wear pants, pants wear you.

In Soviet Russia you don't eat food, food eats you.

In Soviet Russia you don't shoot gun, gun shoots you.

Space Race...

In the 60's, the American astronauts realized that a normal pen would not write properly in the zero gravity of space. So NASA spent 7 years, and $4 billion to develop a pen that would write in zero gravity, under water, in freezing cold and boiling heat, as well as on any surface imaginable, including glass.

...


The Russians used a pencil. :D

Let me take 2 guesses who wrote this post, well maybe one. Ben!!!!!!!!
I'm not the thread starter, tho i did post 1 above.

Anyways:

In Soviet Russia:

Leet speaks you!
A winner is you! (classic Engrish)
Thread locks you!

Come to Siberia. Air conditioners 50% off.