NationStates Jolt Archive

There's always so much intensity of opinion here, and sometimes it's good to be able to switch tracks and listen to, or, tell some jokes instead. Anecdotes. Tall tales. Well, that's what this thread is for. Anybody have anything funny to declare?

I agree. Humor is lacking here...

So without further delay...

A woman is making love to her husband's boss while the husband is away at work. Suddenly, the couple hears the front door open. The man grabs his clothes and heads into the closet.

The husband walks lin and finds his wife half naked and flushed.

"What's going on?" he asks looking around the room.

"I was just resting."

"Yeah? Whose cigar is that in the ashtray?" he asks.

"Oh, that? That's mine," she lies.

"Yeah? What kind is it?" he asks.

She doesn't answer.

"Come on, what kind is it?"

Again, no answer.

"Tell me what kind is it?" he shouts.

"It's Cuban!" says the voice from the closet.
:D
The couple had split-up a few months ago but still remained good friends, which worked out nicely since they lived in the same apartment building.

One day the man slipped on the ice and broke his arm. He met his ex in the elevator and she asked if there was anything she could do to help.

He said, "Well, if it's not too much trouble, could you help me take a bath?"

She readily agreed and soon was washing him when she saw a gradual erection begin to appear.

"Now isn't that sweet," she cooed. "Look, it still recognizes me."

Hah

Since there are still policial threads out there...

"I thought this was nice, today at NBC, Martin Sheen let John Kerry come over and sit behind the desk of the oval office on the set of 'The West Wing.'"
--Jay Leno

"I'd never run for president. I've thought about it, and the only reason I'm not is that I'm scared no woman would come forward and say she had an affair with me."
--Garry Shandling

"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."
--George Carlin

and also for the economic/employment threads

These are some (allegedly) real-life examples of what NOT to put on a resume.

* "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
* "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
* "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
* "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
* "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
* "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
* "I am a rabid typist."
* "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
* "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
* "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
* "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
* "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
* "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
* "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
* "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail."
* "Qualifications: No education or experience."
* "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
* Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Today, I got tagged just behind my right knee with a stun gun. I fell down and spilled a pepsi all over myself. :p

^ Those are funny, but I find this to be ironic:

For a long time it was common practice for Hollywood to shoot in LA to portray Detroit. Now they're shooting a movie that takes place in LA in Detroit.
The tables have turned.

I am now a Galaxian warrior. :)

Okay, I just figured I post this, since I found it rather humorous. Now, Richmondville is the town I live in, and it has about 1500 people in it. Nice, comfortable, Upstate NY. I always found it entertaining to imagine what would happen if the town seceeded from the Union, so, I decided to do that :D.

Okay, now for some humor you all might enjoy...

Actually, I can't think of any :eek:

Okay, I just figured I post this, since I found it rather humorous. Now, Richmondville is the town I live in, and it has about 1500 people in it. Nice, comfortable, Upstate NY. I always found it entertaining to imagine what would happen if the town seceeded from the Union, so, I decided to do that :D.

Okay, now for some humor you all might enjoy...

Actually, I can't think of any :eek:

Then at least entertain us. Hit yourself with a pie please.

Never ever yell out "Play Freebird!!" at a piano recital.
They WILL ask you to leave.

(Yes, my friend actually did this.)

Then at least entertain us. Hit yourself with a pie please.


Pie defiler!!!!!!!

mhe

I'm the only sober person on my floor (besides the RA). I am sitting in my room with the door locked, even trapping out my roommate. At the moment this seems amusing as hell to me.

Today, I got tagged just behind my right knee with a stun gun. I fell down and spilled a pepsi all over myself. :p
Why?

Why?

Revenge for an earlier incident I caused.

Revenge for an earlier incident I caused.
Please tell me it involved testes! :D

Please tell me it involved testes! :D

No. Stun Gun Tag has not breached that particular zone.


Yet.


But we have discovered some interesting body spasms in strategic locations. *nod*

No. Stun Gun Tag has not breached that particular zone.


Yet.


But we have discovered some interesting body spasms in strategic locations. *nod*
*shudder* That sounds healthy.....

I was for smoking crack. But I got outvoted. So Stun Gun Tag it is. *sigh*